Leloni smiles at J.A.M. and Shirley as they walk away. There seems to be a bit of mistiness around her eye area, almost as if she's been crying. She wipes a small tear from her eye and coughs slightly.

"Ahem, 'scuse me folks. Guess Old Grey's acceptance speech got the better of my nearly iron-will constitutions."

The crowd chuckles a bit. Bugs shoots Leloni a quick _look_ from his seat in the audience.

"Anyway," Leloni quickly regains herself and continues. "Weren't they great folks! Now, Shirley, there goes quite a couple. A couple of what, I'd be afraid to find out."

All Leloni is afforded for her little joke is a few cricket chirps. "Sheesh, now I know how Daffy feels...."

"Anyway, like most awards shows that just last for the longest time, this one's just beginning! Also like most awards shows, we still have scores of presenters who are ready willing and able to put on a show for you guys. And I only had to promise 'em $40,000 each! Btw, Lola, my darling big sister......" Leloni goes all doey-eyed for a moment. "Can I have a

raise in my allowance?"

Once again, this manages to get a small rise from the audience.

The lavender bunny coughs into her fuzzy hand and quickly gets things back on track. "Ok, up next, it's my pleasure to introduce; Nathaniel T. Freeman who will be bringing us The PLOT POINT AWARDS! Take it away, Nathaniel!"

As the audience begins to applaud, Leloni quickly and quietly takes her leave of the stage.

Leloni Bunny

the lavender nightmare

**************************************************************************** *******

The spotlight fades from the center stage, & another slowly comes up elsewhere in the theater, in an alcove to the left of the audience where stands a young man in a tuxedo. The six-foot-two-&-1/2-inch, brown-haired, blue-eyed person speaks.

NTF: "Thank you Leloni. Ladies & gentlemen, before we get to the next segment, we absolutely have to pay some bills, so we'll return to the UKE Awards after these words from our sponsors."

--------------- cut to overhead view of the audience as announcer vo. ------

Announcer (vo): "The First Annual UKE Awards, brought to you in part by:

Chunky Lunky Burgers

Jimmy Brain Real Estate

Mints R Us

Sam & Ella's Catering

Silver Smudge

Space Demon IV: Hugging the Demon

your local TTA message board

...and the TTAFF Mailing List

The reviews are in for Space Demon IV: Hugging the Demon.

"The Demon is back, & he's badder than ever, showing all the monster movies how it's done. 3 appendages up." - Eggbert & Rupert.

"Annette can act! TV has lost another star to the big screen, & will miss her far more than she'll miss it.3 1/2 stars" - Looner Malted.

"It made me search for someone to hug." - Rex Rude "& then it caused me to find it" - Bill Harrassed

"This is the movie that got us working together again." - Rude & Harrassed.

Space Demon IV; now playing @ a theater near you. "Watch it with someone you love" is not just a suggestion this time.

Hello. I'd like to take a moment to speak with you about something which concerns us all, the Tiny Toon Adventures Fan Fiction Mailing List. If you're reading this now, you're benefitting from the mailing lists existence. Every day 200 of us look here for the latest news on Tiny Toons & anything about it that other fans can come up with. But we're in danger of losing it. Due to perceived indifference among the ml roster the daily list is in immediate danger of closing down. Gone will be our daily dose of Tiny Toon-related info & fun. Ladies & gentlemen this doesn't have to happen, & we can't let this happen. You can do something about it. Vote in the fanfic of the year contest. If you've been a member of this list for more than a month you've already received your ballot; if you haven't you can go to Kevin's website for a copy or e-mail a request to Kevin. Once you get it, take a few moments to fill it out & send it in. It's such a small effort, a Tiny effort if you will. And to lift a title from a Chuck Jones short, you get "so much for so little". Please, do it today, before the daily list is lost to us.

Thank you.

(Shot of the Bloomin' Loonies rock group; they're full of 'tude, & as the camera performs Real World / MTV type cuts the group members take turns on the vo)

"We know what you're thinking."

"Three siblings"

"Two couples"

"Fleetwood Mac meets the Bee Gees right?" "wrong" (flash cut to album cover) The Bloomin' Loonies' debut project: coming soon

(fade in on audience, specifically the Carrotte booth containing the entire Carrotte clan including in-laws, as well as close personal friends the Rat family. Adam is of course elsewhere in the theater, covering the Awards for the Acme Gazette. The camera cuts to the alcove where Nathaniel T Freeman stands.)

NTF: "And welcome back to the UKE Awards. You know, when I found out that I was to host a segment of this ceremony, I was stricken with panic. Fortunately, that didn't last long as I blacked out soon after. (insert laughter here) I mean, look at me; I'm not an animal, I'm not even a toon. I'm about as average & non-descript as you can get. Fortunately, when I woke up from blacking out, I found myself besieged with offers to help. When word of this ceremony got around, toons from every Warner & Warner- affiliated program past & present wanted to help honor those who are here honoring the show that marked the rebirth of WB Animation, & ultimately led to KWB. After all, had it not been for Tiny Toons, most of those other toons would probably be unemployed. None of these other shows - Animaniacs, Pinky & the Brain, Freakazoid, Histeria, etc. -would exist. And those that might've still existed - like Batman & Superman - would be very different. Therefore toons from these other shows were happy to volunteer their services, & to be honest I was even more happy to accept their generous offers. ("PLOT POINT" flashes across the screen in subtitles) Did you notice that? That is essentially the next batch of categories, Plot Point Awards, & this manner of introducing them brings me to our next guest presenter. ("ANOTHER PLOT POINT") Yes, this bit has been copied from my favorite episode of the critically-acclaimed Freakazoid. It was my favorite because of Brain & Wakko's appearances & their interaction with F! ("NOT IMPORTANT, BUT INTERESTING") I wear white tube socks to work every day, but not tonight, never with a suit. ("WAY TOO MUCH INFO") Alright, enough with that. Here's our next presenter, from the F! version of Washington D.C., Sgt Cosgrove!"

(cut to the stage, where a short fat man on the old side of middle age wearing a police uniform approaches the podium as the Freakazoid theme plays. For some strange reason the applause refuses to die down)

Cosgrove (to audience): "Knock it off!" (applause ceases) "Hi, I'm Sergeant Mike Cosgrove. How ya doing? The next award is for the Best Romance In A Fanfic Not Between Buster & Babs." (from the audience comes "no relation". band breaks into "Monster Love" from the "Matter Of Love" episode. Cosgrove freezes as he's reminded of the monster he dated in that ep. He turns to the band.) "Stop that!" (The band mumbles a chorus of 'yes sir's. Suddenly a bolt of lightning, red & blue streaks to the stage)

Freakazoid: "Steady, Cosgrove."

Cosgrove: "What're you doing here, kid?"

Freakazoid: "I heard the music & figured you needed some moral support."

Cosgrove: "Thanks. Since you're here you might as well help me announce the nominees."

Freakazoid: "Cool!"

Cosgrove: "Anyway (turns back to the audience), as there was a tie for fourth place, the top six nominees for this award are - "

=============================================================

...Fifi had heard stories of the Pig family slideshows. But she knew she could suffer through one, for she now had in her possession something that was worth far more than a few hours of boredom: she had acceptance....

=============================================================

Freakazoid: "Hamton & Fifi, 'A Really Very Special Tiny Toons Thanksgiving...I Guess', written by Mike Cote."

(shot of Hamton & Fifi in the audience)

=============================================================

...The four couples walked down slowly in their halls respectively. Each step one pair made distracted the other pairs causing them to look back noticing what was in front of them. Buster was the first to forward to see to his disbelief.

"Oh my gosh! Babs, what are you doing with Plucky?" exclaimed Buster.

"Plucky!" said Shirley at the south of the four crossed halls.

"Shirley! What are you doing with Shorty?" asked Plucky

"Shorty!" this was Cleo at the north.

"Cleo! What are you doing with Hamton?" asked Shorty

"Hamton!" cried Fifi at the east.

"Fifi! What are you doing with Buster?" asked Hamton

=============================================================

Cosgrove: "All the new couples, 'Fun With Love', written by FoxWiz."

(split screen of four very uncomfortable-looking couples)

=============================================================

Fifi moved to sit next to him and gazed at him shyly.

"Hamtone", she said quietly, "Ah theenk zat ah should be calling you *Tu* ...een ze familiar way."

She put her hand softly into his.

Hamton looked with loving eyes at her. "You know ...how... I feel about you", he said breathlessly.

"Ah...theenk ah feel ze same way."

=============================================================

Freakazoid: "Fifi & Hamton, 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven', written by PepeK."

(another shot of Fifi & Hamton)

=============================================================

..."Look, Nigel, tell you what... next time I start to say something stupid, kiss me, will you?"

"Only if you do the same for me, luv..."

"Gee, in that case, we'd never come up for air," Rue blurted. "Er, what I mean is..." Nigel pulled her close and planted a kiss on her that threatened to cut off both of their oxygen supplies. She purred and responded by wrapping her luxurious tail around the two of them.

=============================================================

Cosgrove: "Nigel & RuBarb, 'The Bloomin' Loonies' series, written by Jennifer Cleckley & Jerry D. Withers."

(cut to the Carrotte section as the rest of the clan encourages our favorite cat-&-rat)

=============================================================

"...But do you know what? I don't CARE how it was done! She's BACK!!"

"But of course, my little coyote. Did vous think I would let a little thing like *La Mort* keep me from possible *Lamour*?"

"I should have known better." Laughed Calamity hugging the purple polecat to her surprise.

"WHOULF! Please Calamity. I am still ze damaged goods. No? Not yet fully recovered."

"Sorry."

"Mmm. Don't be. It is nice to see a boy so open with his feelings."

=============================================================

Freakazoid: "Calamity & Fifi, 'Story 1 of the Life Goes On Trilogy: Multififity', written by Abel Dusable

(back to Fifi, now the camera focuses on her other side, where sits Calamity)

=============================================================

...PLUCKY (in desperation): Wait Shirl! NO!....

Maybe it was the odd weather. Maybe it was that her Karma left. Maybe it was a feeling of guilt. Maybe it was Plucky's rare show of sincerity, but as Shirley was floating away, she stopped, paused, and came back. The two talked for some time. The screen fades out as the two walk into the dreary background hand in hand.... - "Acme Acres County Fair" by Robert Chirico

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

...Shirley opened her eyes, and smiled to herself. That had been the last test of Plucky's new attitude. The old Plucky would have jumped at any chance at all to get close to her. Now she knew she could trust him implicitly.

She turned to him. "I love you Plucky."

His heart pounded. Never had four words meant so much to him. "I love you too, Shirl," he said.

She leaned over and kissed him gently... - "A Change of Heart" by Gypsy

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

..."Shirl? Izzat you?" Plucky squinted at the light bearer.

"PLUCKY!!!"

A white blur cannonballed into Plucky nearly knocking him over. As an added bonus he felt a pair of moist beak-lips planting quick yet passionate kisses about his beak and face. His eyes finally focused on the face in front of him revealing the identity of the perpetrator of this ardent assault.

"SHIRLEY??? This is so unlike you! I think I like it."

"Shut up and don't spoil the moment. Kay? I mean I like, thought you were totally dead or some junk. Well we all did but here you are alive and well, or some junk." - "Fractured Images" by Able DuSable

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

...Plucky never saw her past that day, and he was still angry with Sam for driving her out of the school...Shirley left just as the two were getting serious as a couple. - "The Old Classroom" by Kieron Wells

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

..."Awesome! Shirley the Loon is gonna be my new neighbor!"

"Oh, "said Shirley with a faint grin, "actually it's Shirley Duck now. Plucky and I got married three years ago..." - "Ducks Out of Luck" by Kevin Mickel

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

...As it turned out, Plucky & Shirley got hitched right out of high school. Buster knew this much, since he was the Best Man. But what he didn't know was after he left town, they divorced and soon remarried. When that one didn't work out, they divorced again only to remarry again! They had married each other six times! - "Reunion" by Brooke "Zuzu" Michelle

=============================================================

Cosgrove: "And Plucky & Shirley in numerous stories."

(a by now becalmed pair of waterfowl)

Freakazoid: "And the winner is-" (they both open the envelope)

C&F: "Fifi & Hamton, 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven'!"

**************************************************************************** *******

*Fifi and Hamton walk arm in arm to the podium. Hamton wears a classic tuxedo (with pants, even!) And Fifi is resplendant in a white Bob Mackie dress with a daring jagged cutaway revealing her bare midrift. Her hair is in the classic "Fifi" style. Hamton is blushing constantly*

*wolf-whistles from the audience*

Fifi: Merci beacoup, monsieurs.

Cosgrove: Sure, Miss. No problem.

*Freakazoid has an 'episode'* Some laughter from the audience*

Freakzoid:(wildy contorting himself) HOYLE! Lookit it - what it is! A Skunk poysen! Look! The cute Piggy - making with the blushing it is! -DARLING! Wow! Poit!

*more laughter*

Hamton:(whispers to Cosgrove) Ooo! What's wrong with your friend?

Cosgrove::(As Freakazoid prances about making whizzing noises) Oh him? Don't worry. He has these 'Jerry Lewis episodes' every so often.

Fifi:(as Freakzoid lays down and scratches like a dog) Uh - weel 'ee be alright?

Cosgrove: Sure. Ya just hafta wait a few minutes.

Freakazoid:(pointing wildly) OOOOoOoOO! De Skunky and de Piggy! So cute with de making goo-goo eyes at each other! Zort!!

Hamton:(wryly) You know there's perscription medication you can take to aliviate these manic episodes.

*the audience cracks up*

Cosgrove: The Network execs love his behavior so they pay him alot to stay off his lithium. They think his hair is "really cool".

Fifi: Can't vous stop heem?

Cosgrove: Not really, no.

Freakazoid:(looking from between his legs) OoooOOOOO! If They dood it! EGAD! If the Piggy and the cute poiple skunky have kids!? Will they be "Pinks" or "Punks"??? NARF!

*adolescent laughter*

*Hamton has had enough and pulls out a giant Dustbuster and vacuums up Freakazoid*

Hamton: Eat My Dust!

Freakazoid:(muffled) Heh, those network censors'll get ya everytime! .....I'm trapped in a BOX!...... They say television is a vacuum!...

*laughter and some applause*

*Jim Carey and Pinky and the Brain appear on stage left and cross to take the Dustbuster away*

The Brain: The Vacuum is in your skull, Freakazoid! And we are here to remove you to the courts of justice for stealing our material!

Pinky: Oooo! Can I do it now, Brain?!

The Brain: Not yet, my impulsive friend! Mister Carey has a rejoinder or two to make to Mister Freakazoid, I believe.

Pinky: Oh, okay. Narf.

Jim Carey:(Yelling) YOU CENSORED BLEEP, CENSORED CENSORED BLEEP BEE-BOOP YOUR BUTT!

*The toons onstage momentarily drain of their color*

Pinky: What did he mean by that, Brain?

The Brain: (stunned) Rarely have I heard such colorful metaphors put into a single sentance..... I believe it means that Mister Carey is about to sue Mister Freakazoid for also stealing his material. Come, let us take this miscreant to the proper authorities.

Pinky: But Brain?!!

The Brain:(a huge sigh) Oh alright, Pinky. If it will make you happy - you may proceed.

*Pinky runs down close to the Dustbuster and takes a huge breath to deliver a terrible condemnation*

Pinky: .....YOU, you, you ,... you silly Doo-Doo brain!....uh... how was that Brain?

The Brain:(deadpan): ...I have rarely heard such eloquance befitting a four- year-old child.

Pinky:(quite pleased) Oh, thank you, Brain!

*The Brain vacuums Pinky up within the Dustbuster*

* He and Jim Carey take the Dustbuster away*

Freakazoid:(muffled) You can't do this to me! I'm doing a show! Get me a mouthpiece! I want a habeius corpus! Lemme outta here!....I'm scared of the dark!...

Pinky:(muffled) Hoo-hoo! Can I do that again, Brain?

Babs Bunny:(zipping onstage) Well that was pointless. (zips offstage)

Cosgrove: I hope I can get ta see the kid on visiting days.

Fifi: Anyway, Hammy et moi are pleased to accept zees award and thank our Professeur` een amoure` - Pepe Le Pew!

*Pepe walks onstage, smiling in his white tie and tails*

Pepe: Ah, mon best two students! But ov course.. zees two ave - how you say? Zee head start!

*Pepe brings Hamton and Fifi closer together. Hamton blushes red*

Fifi: Umm.. vous know, on stage and screen eez one theeng. Eet eez dictated by zee writerz and directorz.. but our private lives az actorz are to us - deefrant. Zo ah would like vous all to see two theengz...

*she reaches under the neckline of her blouse*

Cosgrove: Hey, this is a family show.

Hamton: Oh, don't worry!

*Fifi pulls out a ring that she's wearing on a gold chain around her neck*

Fifi: Zis iz Hammy'z school ring. We are - how you say? Pinned.

Hamton: You mean "going steady", bebe`?

Fifi: Oui! Zat eez eet!... And we plan to stay zat way.

*applause*

Pepe: And what eez zee ozzer theeng you were going to show us?

*Hamton helps Fifi take off her necklace and then slips the ring onto her finger. They then kiss sweetly before the cameras and the audience, who cheer and say "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"*

Cosgrove: Hey, watch it with the PDA's, please.

*The couple breaks their kiss and smile happily in each other's arms*

Pepe: Zo, does zis mean zat you two are engaged??

*Hamton and Fifi smile and blush*

Fifi: Well... almost!

Hamton: Thank you again for this award!

*Cheering and applause*

*The couple returns to their theatre box together admist smiles, cheers and the sighs of crushed would-be suitors*

Cosgrove:(to Pepe) What does that mean? They didn't say.

Pepe:(elbowing him with a smile) Ah theenk you can guess. Ah, Amour - Toujours L'Amour!

*Pepe smiles and waves as he returns to his seat*

Cosgrove:(alone onstage) The trouble with these international affairs is that they attract foreigners.

*Freakazoid bounces onstage wearing a strait-jacket - bouncing cause his legs are tied together*

Freakazoid: Oh hi, Cosgrove!

Cosgrove: Hi Kid. Have a nice trip? How'd you get back here?

Freakazoid: I escaped in a totally and completely indescribable and unbelievable way!

Cosgrove: Oh.

;)

**************************************************************************** *******

Freakazoid: "Uh, Cosgrove, could you help me out of this thing?"

Cosgrove: "Yeah." (starts to work on the straitjacket) "I guess we should've known better than to hang around after Doc's friends won; he doesn't like you, ya know."

Freakazoid: "Yeah, I figured that when I didn't get invited to the party. Thing is, those mice didn't get invited either, so why were they on his side?"

Cosgrove: "They weren't; they just thought you were stealing their material."

Freakazoid: "Just Pinky's; it wasn't like I was shouting 'yeeeeEEEEEESSS!!!' or 'I'm only cruel to be kind.'"

Cosgrove: "Keep that up & he's going to have to hurt you, even if he got 'cruel to be kind' from a Nick Lowe song."

Freakazoid: "He'll probably say Nick got it from him. (finally struggles free of straitjacket) *whew*! Thanks a lot, Cosgrove! Well, gotta fly! eeeeeeee-"

Cosgrove: "Hey, kid! I was gonna go to Funnel Cake World & then take in that Arnold Stang film festival; wanna come?"

Freakazoid: "DO I!?!"

and they clear the stage to the Freakazoid theme. As they approach the exit they're approached by an attractive brunette in a red suit, Lydia Karaoke, network censor from Histeria. She's not happy, much like another character from that show.

F!: "Aw, nutbunnies!"

LK: "Mr. Freakazoid, you were really pushing it with that speaking from your rear. Not to mention that - nutbunnies? - catchphrase of yours; what is that supposed to be a substitute for anyway? You'd better watch it, because I will have my eye on you!"

Cosgrove: "Cut it out!"

LK: "Okkay."

LK heads backstage. F! looks at Cosgrove, then calls after LK.

F!: "And you can tell the gang on Histeria the Tiny Toonsters knew George Washington sounded like Bob Hope before Loud was even a Kiddington! Tell'em to check out Boo-HaHa! (turns to Cosgrove) Wow! You know I've wondered who'd come out on top if she & you went face-to-face. 'Cause she scares me, Cosgrove; she's worse than the censor on my show."

Joe the Announcer (popping in for absolutely no reason): "And that censor's no picnic; she took all the good stuff out of my story, you know."

F!: "Joe! What're you doing here? You're not even in this show."

Joe: "Oh. Sorry." (walks away)

F!: "Now, um, where were we?"

Cosgrove: "You were wondering who'd win a contest between Ms. Karaoke & me, & the answer is it'd be a draw. Next time she'll get the best of me; it's in our contracts. Now come on, kid."

F! (as they exit): "Who knew?"

The camera cuts back to the alcove NTF's been occupying.

NTF: "Heh, heh, heh, I can't help it; I find them funny, & I didn't used to. Well, the next award is for Plot Twist. When I think of an unexpected plot twist a certain cano-sapien from a certain extraordinary WB series comes to mind. Regularly on Road Rovers the heroes would face something unexpected which would cause their leader to utter the famous phrase, 'I would not have predicted this, no way!', or its follow-up, 'Yet another unexpected twist. Bummer.' Unfortunately, due to work fighting crime - which is what they do in real life - most of the Road Rovers could not be here. However, Dr. Shepherd has graciously allowed two of their number - including the originator of those famous phrases - to join us for a few minutes. So without further ado, let's go to our next guest presenters. By way of their secret headquarters somewhere in New Mexico, from London England & Washington D. C. respectively, Colleen Collie & Hunter Retriever!"

(cut to the stage; Hunter & Colleen approach the podium as the band plays the Road Rovers theme, then segues into 'America', or 'God Save the Queen', depending on where you're from. H&C notice.)

Colleen: "Well, that was bloomin' nice of them."

Hunter: "It certainly was!"

Colleen: "-to play 'God Save the Queen' as a nod to England."

Hunter: "Huh? When'd they play that?"

Colleen: "Just now. You heard it: 'God save our gracious queen, God save our -'"

Hunter: "No way, that was 'America'; you know, 'My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of -'"

Colleen: "Let's just say it was a nod to both of our countries & get on with this."

Hunter: "Was my singing that bad? Was I off?"

Colleen: "Way off, Huntie-Wuntie."

Hunter (under his breath): "Aww Colleen, don't call me that in public."

Colleen (grabbing his cheeks & kissing him): "*ooh, I wantan u blushum kissies, um, mm, mm*"

Hunter: "There! Now that's more like it."

Colleen: "Well, enough of that; shall we get to announcing the nominees?"

Hunter: "Cool. You wanna go first?"

Colleen: "It's your catchphrase, Huntie; you go first."

Hunter: "Okay, the nominees are -"

=============================================================

Plucky then walked up and looked into the Prankster's eyes. He could see that the Prankster was also coming around now, yet made no attempt to escape. "So who is it?" Plucky asked.

"Take a guess." Max said proudly.

"Elmyra?" Babs guessed.

"Someone from Perfecto Prep?" Buster guessed.

"Alliens from another universe!" Plucky shouted.

Max slapped himself on the forehead in disgust. "No, you dumb rabbits! It's none other than your stinky friend!" Max said and yanked the mask off the Prankster.

"Fifi LaFume?!" Plucky, Buster, and Babs shouted in unison.

Fifi looked up at the group. "Bonjour." she said. She then rubbed her head in pain. Her whole body ached after the stunt. Rarely did she do such stunts.

Yosemite, along with other teachers, then came running down the hall. They had heard the sound of lockers being trashed and decided to investigate. "What's going on around here?!" Sam shouted. He then saw Fifi on the floor, without her mask. "You crazy varmint! I told you not to get caught!" Sam shouted.

"Fifi LaFume is ze Prankster?" Pepe said surprised. He had never expected a young female skunk could cause this much trouble, especially his star pupil. It was clear he was going to talk to Bugs about assigning Fifi this job.

=============================================================

Colleen: "The revealing of the Prankster, form 'The Prankster' by Michael M."

camera cuts to all the toons involved

=============================================================

Hunter: "Fifi finding out Dr. Lord's eternally long secret and learning his reason for finding her in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK. Due to a warning on the ballot against spoilers we're prevented from showing a clip of that climactic scene. However, I can say that it's from Part 8: World Without End, consisting of Chapters XXX- XXXIII."

=============================================================

cut to Fifi & Dr. Lord split-screen

=============================================================

Fifi was surprised to hear this. "And he was your, as you say, roommate?"

"He was more than that, Fifi. He was -"

=============================================================

"HOLD IT!!!"

All eyes turn as LK comes back into the picture, and she is by now very not happy.

LK: "Just a minute, you can't show this in a family show. That concerns content that is definitely a no-no!"

Colleen (also not happy, only in her case it's @ being interrupted): "Now just half a mo there; aren't you abso-bloomin'-lutely out of your jurisdiction; this isn't even your show."

LK: "Don't mess with me, sister, I have the full authority of the network behind me. If one more word of that particular 'plot twist' is shown here the plug could be pulled on this little presentation quicker than it was on your show after that 'Sonov-Ovich' song."

Colleen: "WHAT?!?! Why you little -"

Hunter (having used his super speed to step between Colleen & LK): "Whoa, stay there Colleen, stay." (whispers) "You know we can't risk offending the censors again." (turns to LK) "Okkay, we'll just announce what it is, alright?"

LK: "Alright, you're a good dog, but watch it."

Hunter: "Cool. (turns to Colleen) Are you gonna be alright?"

Colleen (seething, but getting it under control): "I'll be fine, Huntie. (turns back to the camera) Events in 'Fifi La Fume Private Eye' by Brooke 'Zuzu' Michelle."

cut to Fifi again, & to Oliver Otter

=============================================================

During the trip back, a thought struck Buster. What was up with Plucky? Why wasn't he selfishly refusing to help? "Hey, Plucky!" he shouted.

"Yeah?" Plucky asked, from beind Buster.

"I have to ask you something. Why haven't you been asking in your usual, one might even say, trademark, selfish and greedy way?"

"Listen, kid. I have had more than enough of money. All it brings is trouble. That's why I gave it all away."

"You did WHAT? You GAVE what? YOU?"

"Yeah, me." Plucky replied, a little offended.

"Wow... I guess time really does change people."

"Not everyone, Buster."

=============================================================

Hunter: "Plucky's un-greed in 'Rabbit Out of Time' written by Matt Bermann."

cut to Buster & Plucky

=============================================================

"Linda do you know what's wrong with Plucky?"

She drew the rabbits closer.

"I heard that Shirley's up the duff."

A rather disturbing vision formed in Buster's head.

"What?" He asked.

"She's got a bun in the oven." said Belinder,

"Why would Shirley's cooking worry Plucky?" replied Buster.

"She's expecting."

"Well," said Babs "she would be if she's cooking."

She grabbed the two by their ears and pulled them towards her. She whispered to the bunnies. There (sic) eyes arose.

"No wonder he's worried." said Buster "Plucky's a father!"

"No. He's upset about not being the father." Said Belinder.

"Oh." Said Buster.

=============================================================

Colleen: "And Shirley's supposed situation in 'Up the Duff' by ? the Platypus / David Formosa."

cut to Shirley consoling Plucky, who's having bad memories of that fic

H&C: "And the winner is -" (opening the envelope & reading)

Colleen: "Well, Huntie, would you have predicted this?"

Hunter : "If I said yes I'd be in trouble. (sotto voce) "Do we really have to read this whole thing again? It's two whole lines."

Colleen (also sotto voce): "Just let me handle it, Huntie." (out loud) "A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven by PepeK."

Hunter: "Uh, yeah, what she said."

**************************************************************************** *******

* Fifi, Doctor Lord, and Pepe K. come up to the podium as the audience applauds. Colleen and Hunter see the stripes of the three skunks, sniff the air and begin to run around the stage, yelping and whining*

Collen & Hunter: PEW! Pew! PU! Pew! PEW! Yipe! yipe! yipe! yipe! yipe!

*audience snickers*

Fifi: Zut Alors! Why does zis alwayz 'appen?!

Pepe K. Its species-stereotyping is what it is.

*Lord whistles and cheerfully calls the two Road Rovers, patting his knee*

Lord: Here Boy! Here Girl! Come!

*The dogs run over happily to be petted.*

Lord: You're Good Dogs. Good, Good Dogs!

*audience giggles*

*Colleen stands up, as Hunter continues to beg for doggie-treats*

Colleen: Cor, blimey! I hate when me basic instincts take over!

Hunter: Oh I loved that movie! Course, it would've been a dream come true to see you play that part Sharon Stone did.

*Hunter began panting and drooling on the floor.*

*The audience breaks up laughing*

*Lydia Karaoke looks out from behind the stage curtain, glaring at him*

Hunter:(sheepishly) Ah heh heh heh.

*audience laughs*

Colleen: Hunty, get up! That's degrading.

Hunter: I know! I kinda like it sometimes!

Colleen: Oh, okay, 'ow's this then? (commands) SIT -TUH!

*Hunter does so, wagging his tail and panting*

*audience guffaws*

Lord: That's very attractive armor your wearing.

*Hunter, taken with the flattery, stands and starts to shmooze with the Doctor*

Hunter: Gee, thanks! Oh,this? Just something I just threw on.

Colleen: So whaut's this big revelation? "Fifi finding out Dr. Lord's eternally long secret an' learning his reason fer finding 'er in 'A Time To Ev'ry Purpose Unto 'eaven' by Pepe K."??

Lord: (With a 'Who Me?' look) What revelation?

Colleen:(Pointing to Pepe k.) The one 'ee just won the award for!

Hunter: Oh! I can tell you that! I read the story. It seems that Doctor Lord is really.......

*Hunter stares straight ahead, his expression frozen. Colleen waves a hand in front of his face*

Colleen: Hunty? Hunter?!

Lord:(whose entire eyes are glowing white) I'm really what?

Hunter: You're.. really... a very big skunk - the biggest in fact, that I've ever seen!

Lord: Why thank you!

Colleen: That's it?!? That's the big revelation?!?

Hunter: You know Colleen, I seem to have entirely forgotten what we were talking about. But that's okay - I'm comfortable with that.

*audience laughs*

Colleen: That couldn't ave been the reason to win an award!?

Lord: No Comment.

Fifi: Oui, non de commente`. (whispers) Eetz personal!

Colleen:(Not wishing to offend) Oh! Oh, ah'm soree! Didn' mean ta pry!

Fifi: Non, eetz quite alright.

Pepe K.: In the words of Willam Randolph Hearst - "If they wanna know anything - they'll hafta buy my papers and read it."

Lord:(disdainfully) Hearst didn't say that. You just made it up!

Pepe K.:(shrugs) Well.. it sounded right...maybe it was Orson Wells...

*audience laughs*

Pepe K.: Anyway - Thank you all very much for this award. I worked very hard to bring bring this part to you as it is the major factor of.. the plot..

*Lord and Fifi are glaring angily at him. He smiles sheepishly*

Pepe K. :..Or not.

*audience laughs*

Lord: Hmmmm.. Petite`? ...Perhaps we _should_ explain after all.

Fifi: Oh...but..but tu said never to-

Lord: Well, perhaps we should. After all, we live in an enlightened society capable of accepting the truth.

Fifi:(nervous)Are tu sure? Ah mean eetz-

Lord: Now, now, never fear..

*Lord reveals the entire truth in detail speaking on for several minutes* Fifi agrees and throws in occassional funny comments. Lord and Fifi explain everything - Entirely in Archaic French*

Pepe Le Pew:(leaping out of his seat and bounding up to the stage) Ah ha! Ah alwayz knew zere waz sometheeng about tu both!

Lord:(rubbing his hands together) Well, I'm glad that's settled! Thank you all once again for the honor. (He bows)

Pepe Le Pew: Eet makes you feel humble and sortov proud.

Fifi:(waving and curtseying to the audience) Oui! Merci!

*Fifi, Pepe and Lord return with their award to their seats in the theatre box where Hamton sits waiting.*

*Wild applause*

*Pepe K. lingers a moment at the podium*

Pepe K.:(Suddenly jubilant) You like Moi! You *really* like moi! *he blows a kiss and follows the others*

*audience giggles*

*Hunter stands smiling as they go. Colleen is dumbfounded*

Colleen:...What the bloody 'ell was that?!? I didn' understan a bleedin' word they said!!

Hunter: Ohoho! You shouldn't have said that!

*Lydia Karaoke comes marching out from backstage and snaps leashes on both the Rovers. She drags them offstage*

LK: That's it! Straight to the dog pound!!

*audience laughs*

Hunter: I would not have predicted this!

Colleen:(as they are dragged away) Oh sharrup!

*audience laughs and applauds*

;)

**************************************************************************** *******

cut to the alcove & a somber Nathaniel T. Freeman

NTF: "Ladies & gentlemen, I have just been informed that former mailing list member Marc Molina, known to us in the toon community as Link Mephitis, has passed away on this day, February 9, 2001. Altho I never had the pleasure & honor of making his acquaintance myself, I have heard about him from time to time, & deeply wish I could've known him. In his honor, & in dedication to his memory, we @ the UKE Awards will observe a moment of silence which will last thru all of tomorrow. Our thots & prayers are with Marc's family, & with his friends, among the closest of whom are Eric42 & Mycroft Bunny. Requiat in pacem, fellow toonatic. You were loved, & you will be missed."

...and the lights go out to a deafening silence, broken only by an occasional sob

Nathaniel T. Freeman

**************************************************************************** *******

the light comes back on @ NTF's alcove

NTF: "Thanks for bearing with us, folks. Before we get to the next award, here are some important messages."

cut to commercial;

cameraman: "...and we're clear."

NTF: "Good; three minutes back; let's move, people!" (pulls out cell phone & speed-dials, talks as he hurries down the side aisle of theater to backstage) "Ms. K? Me. Listen, if you could just hand those cano-sapiens over to me - Yes, - yes I know, but - Miss K, they have to be back in New Mexico in five minutes, & it wouldn't look good for either of us if two defenders of the earth were to be tossed in the pound. They're not even dogs right now; they're cano- - No, I'll take full responsibility for them - you have my word on it - How do you know you can trust me? My reputation; I've never lied in public - Miss K, we're in a theater, during an awards show, surrounded by thousands of people & other creatures; if that's not public I'd like to know what is. -"

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the theater, specifically in the box reserved for Alex Redolence (owner of Acme Acres), sits a number of young male toons: Mr. Redolence himself, Chris Pew, Willy Wolf, Brad LePew, Jamie Fox (Crane), Lance Freebird, Jake E'Stinky, etc. All simultaneously let out a dissatisfied sigh, except Redolence.

all: "Almost got her."

Pew: "I came closest."

Wolf: "Sez you; she went against her best friend for me."

LePew: "Nobody's come closer than me. It was only when my uncle - "

General argument ensues, broken by shrill whistle of Redolence.

Redolence: "The fact of the matter is we all have some sort of history with her, & it's all moot."

Freebird: "Wasn't she with you most recently? @ that exhibition game?"

Redolence: "Ah, yes. I'll let you guys in on a little secret; since that Perfecto Plaza experience I've done quite a bit of interdimensional traveling..."

Pew: "Like in Sliders?"

Redolence: "Well, kind of, but I always know where I'm going & where I've been. I've seen many different versions of Acme Acres, versions in which each of us winds up with her."

Fox (Crane): "Are you including me? I never really got beyond friendship, you know."

Redolence: "Yes, & I know."

Wolf: "Wait, have you been to Acme County?"

Redolence: "Yes, & before you ask, that little menage is still intact. I might add that in one version of AA you're also the center of one which happened after that Sadie Hawkins Day incident - "

Wolf: "Please, don't remind me."

Fox (Crane): "All this seems far-fetched, Alex."

Redolence: "Not really. Look around, gentlemen. (points) See! There's Bo Bunny with his fiancee Tish & their best friends Kath Musti & Dorothy Warner. (points again) over there. That's Baxter Bunny. And there (points again) are Barbara Ann, Babs & Buster Jr. They're getting accquainted with Bill & Jessica - you remember them, Brad. And look @ that; (points yet again, this time to a waterfowl & her winged porcine child) that girl from Spring Break & what eventually ensued. "When pigs fly" apparently no longer means never. How do you think all of them got here? You see, gentlemen, this is not the only version of how things are. Maybe there's a place - "

E'Stinky: "If you break into 'Somewhere', I take no responsibility for my stomach."

All laugh. Meanwhile, backstage -

Colleen: "I have NEVER been so humiliated in my LIFE!!!"

NTF: "Well, you're young yet."

Colleen: "WHAT!?!"

NTF: "Sorry, I just couldn't resist."

Colleen: "Of all the nerve, for those skunks to accuse us of species stereotyping, then turning right around & treating us like the dogs which we're not right now. It's not our fault they give off an odor"

NTF: "It does seem to be a bit hypocritical; PepeK himself related numerous odoriferously-oriented interludes within the texts of his voluminous tome."

Hunter: "Okay, sort of."

Colleen (suddenly back in her usual good humour @ Hunter's usual good humor: "Smaller words, please! You're losing Huntie."

Hunter: "Huh?"

NTF: "There; all better now? No hard feelings I hope?"

Colleen: "I think I'll be alright."

Hunter: "Hey, I'm used to it. I've been in the pound before you know. It's not so bad until your time's up."

Suddenly Colleen sees a certain pair of TTA stars. She steps up to confront the pink one.

Colleen: "There you are! I've been wanting to 'ave a word with you about slipping in that 'there's your comedy' line in 'Sadie 'Awkins Day'.

Babs: "Don't look @ me; your beef is with Earl. Or maybe Tress got her lines mixed up that day."

Buster: "Anyway, you don't have much room to talk. (turns to Hunter) Remember this? 'He's not your type; he isn't even your species.' And that one was in an actual televised ep."

Hunter: "Well, er, ..."

NTF: "If I might inject a thot here, maybe we should just forget it all around."

Hunter & Buster: "Okkay!"

NTF: "Okkay, then. You know, this could've been worse. (turns to Buster) They could've brought Exile with them, & I don't have to tell you about Babs' weakness for blue-furred creatures."

Babs: "HEY!" (as the others laugh)

Furrball (passing by): "Rrrooww?"

NTF: "Don't get any ideas; the closest you'll get is when Frank & Tress voice the Clintons on P&tB."

Buster (almost living up to his name with laughter): " - or it could've been even worse than that; Blitz could've come."

Colleen: "'Oo?"

NTF: "Yeah, I don't think the world is ready for 'whatsisname' & Ahnold to meet."

@ that moment Hunter's cell phone rings

Hunter: "Hello? uh-huh (talks to the others) hey guys, you gotta hear this!" (pushes speaker-phone button, upon which we find that Blitz is on the other end)

Blitz (over the phone): "I said I heard that, & dat girly-dog poser could never handle meeting mit me."

As fate would have it, Ahnold is passing by; he reacts predictably by shouting @ the phone

Ahnold: "I heard that; und you vill hear me now, und zee me if you get here; I vill be here all night, und if you have vat it takes vich I doubt, you will be here und find out who dee girly-dog is, you kraut-hund!"

Blitz: "Okkay, don't start vit me, Aussie-pooch."

Ahnold: "Bring it on, you deutschlander dolt!"

Blitz: "Zat is eet; I will be zere, & ven I do the biting vill begin. Ve vill re-enact the Anschluss ven my powerful jaws unite vit your pitiful tooshie."

Exile (also over the phone): "Don't be veird-boy."

Hunter: "Exile is that you? Quick, freeze Blitz!"

Exile: "Dokey okey."

Blitz: "Vat? *zzzaaappp!!!*"

Exile: "I LOVE being road Rover! Comrade Hunter, I vas glad to do that, but vhy did I just turn comrade weird-boy into a popsicle-ski?"

Hunter: "I'll explain later. (to the others) Now how do we cool down Ahnold?"

Buster: "I'll handle it."

And with that, he pulls out a portable sauna, with results similar to what happens in Buffed Bunny. Meanwhile Hunter's on the phone with Exile - speaker off.

Hunter: "Bad news, Colleen. They won't be able to pick us up; we'll have to walk."

Colleen: "Well then, we'd better get started."

NTF: "Good-night then, & thanks again for coming by. We don't see y'all in hardly any crossovers, y'know. There was that one with Freakazoid - which the author hated - & then there was that take-off on Return Of the Jedi."

Hunter: "I remember that; we were the Ewoks."

Colleen: "And those annoying Warners acted like cling-ons. I don't recall how we finally managed to shake 'em."

Buster: "Better stop talking about them before they show up."

Colleen: "Right. Well, ta-ta then."

As she opens the stage door the Warners jump in, pouncing on the RoRos.

Warners: "Helloooo, canine nurse!"

Colleen: "Oh, peachy! What now, Huntie; we couldn't get rid of them last time!"

Hunter: "I know how to handle this one (points). Is that Mel Gibson over there?"

Dot: "Where???"

And she's off to the races.

Babs: "So much for her, but what're you gonna do, Colleen?"

Colleen: "It doesn't look like I have much of a choice; good thing I was leaving anyway." (proceeds to use martial arts on Yakko & Wakko) "Earth- worm Jim!!! Calamity Jane!!! Waynehead!!! Channel Umpty-Three!!! Brats! Of the lost!! Nebula!!!"

By now the Warners have left, willingly or otherwise. But Colleen seems to be a bit the worse for wear.

Colleen: "Owww! That 'urt!"

Hunter: "Colleen! What's the problem?"

Colleen: "I think that last one twisted me ankle. Guess I'll 'ave to hitch a ride with you, Huntie."

Huntie: "Yet another unexpected twist. Bummer."

Colleen: "I'll say it was an unexpected twist. Of the ankle."

And so Hunter has to pick her up in his arms. As she gets settled Colleen winks @ the others.

Hunter: "Okkay then (turns to the others) Gotta run. It's been fun. Good-night everyone."

With that he takes off out of there @ super-speed, arriving in New Mexico comfortably ahead of schedule. Then NTF's cell phone rings.

NTF (on phone): "Hello. - you what? - whadda you mean you haven't - do you realize he's supposed to be on next? - It is too your problem - Look, I don't care what you have to do to find him, but find him & get him here - no, now; preferably five minutes ago. - Just get him here; I'll worry about what to do until he gets here. - Okkay, call back when you have him. Out. (hangs up) Just great."

Buster: "Problem?"

NTF: "You could say that; one of the presenters for the next award hasn't been located yet, which means we're gonna run long. Well, I guess it's better than running short. I guess. I'm gonna have to figure a way to eat up some airtime until he's here. (looks @ B&B) Sayyy, Guys, do you think there's any chance that the Acmes could possibly - "

Buster: "What?? Do you realize how long it's been since the last time we played?"

NTF: "Please, I'm really in a bind here. Just get the group together; I'll take care of everything else."

Buster: "Oh, alright. C'mon Babs, looks like we got a gig."

But by now Babs is on her cell phone, talking with Harriet.

NTF: "Um, you do realize that Harriet's @ the front of this theater right now?"

Babs: "What's your point?"

Buster: "Never mind. C'mon. Here's Dot; let her talk to Harriet."

So the Bunnies go to round up the Acmes, Babs handing the phone to Dot as they pass.

Dot (falling into monopolizing the conversation immediately): "So anyway I was saying to Paul, 'Try to see it my way. Do I have to keep on talking 'till I can't go on? If we do things your way, there's a chance that our love will soon be gone.' Then the silly boy said it'd never work out. But I told him we could work it out. Well, then that other boy - the one with the glasses shaped like stopsigns - said something about something being pretty good; we had no idea what he was talking about, & then - you know, one of those guys sounded just like Wakko? - "

By now, the commercials almost over, NTF is heading back to his alcove, again on his cell phone.

NTF: "Hello, Father Time? - How's things going on your end? - You have him? - Great! So he'll be here now? - Okkay, oops willya lookit the time - no that wasn't supposed to be a joke - well, I have to go; he'll be here, right? - Good, ten minutes then. Okkay - "

cameraman: "30 seconds."

NTF: "Hanging up now."

cameraman: "We're on in 5, 4, 3, 2, (points as the music starts)

**************************************************************************** *******

And we're back on the alcove.

NTF: "Ladies & gentlemen, when I was about to assume responsibility for this portion of the UKE Awards I told my colleagues not to expect too much in the way of musical entertainment. Well, to lift the title from one of Don Ameche's last movies, things change. Here now, for the first time anywhere since their successful tour of Europe & North America on the Phil Spector package, the Acmes!

Cut to the stage where we see the band from Morgan "CamCoon" Ingersoll's fanfic. In defiance of musical instruments seen on the show (after all, how could twin harps rock & roll), the lineup is Calamity Coyote on lead guitar, Plucky Duck on bass, Buster Bunny on rhythm guitar, Fifi LaFume on drums, Babs Bunny on keyboard, Shirley the Loon on crystal chimes, & Dizzy Devil & Sweetie Pie on saxophones. As we join them they're rocking out to a certain Sly & the Family Stone classic, highlighted @ the start by the drums & horns.

all: "DANCE TO THE MU-SIC! DANCE TO THE MUSIC! bom bom bu bu bum bum bu bom bo bom bom bu bu bum " (and Fifi attacks the drums)

Fifi: "Hey, Shirley!"

Shirley: "What?"

Fifi: "All we need is a drum for people who only need a beat." (drumming)

Buster (speaking for himself & Calamity): "We're gonna add a little guitar, & make it easy to move your feet." (guitar work from both of them)

Plucky: "I'm gonna add some bottom, so that the dancers just won't hide." (boiling electric bass work)

Babs (gesturing @ the keyboard): "You might like to hear my organ, playing 'Ride Sally Ride'." (some noodling around with the keys) "Hey, Sweetie!"

Sweetie: "What?"

Buster: "Hey, Dizzy!"

Dizzy: "Huh?"

Buster: "You might wanna hear the horns blowing, Dizzy on the throne." (the saxophones jam in)

Babs: "Sweetie & Dizzy got a message they're sayin'."

Sweetie: "ALL the squares go home!"

Dizzy: "Yeaaaaahhhhh!!!" (even more jamming)

all: "bom bom bum bu bum bum bu bom bom bom bom bu bu bum" (back to the drumming) "Dance to the music, Dance to the music!"

Eventually they stop to roaring applause. After it subsides, Buster steps up to the microphone.

Buster: "Thank you. We'd like to do a song now dedicated to our favorite toon ever to've gone to Perfecto Prep. She's since wised up & become a Loo-ser like us, & we'd like to give her villainous former self a send-off; luv ya rat babe!"

The band goes into a song from Kevin's Song Parody Collection, Good-Bye Ruby Rat by Zachary A. Zulkowski, to the tune of the Rolling Stones' Ruby Tuesday.

Buster on lead vocals: "Don't ask where she's gone or where she'll be.

Episodes don't matter 'tween you and me.

Abused all the time.

Those bunnies will make you lose your mind.

Ain't life unkind?"

with Plucky & Babs on the chorus: "Good-bye, Ruby Rat

Who can drop anvils on you

Even though you're a cartoon villain

Still I'm gonna miss you"

Buster: "It does not matter what you say or do.

Or that you do not even go to Acme Loo

But as "villains" goes

You will keep those bunnies on their toes

Don't you suppose?"

w/ Babs & Plucky: "Good-bye, Ruby Rat

Who can drop anvils on you

Even though you're a cartoon villain

Still I'm gonna miss you"

As the last musical portion of that song is played, the Acmes get a surprise guest as Hamton, fiddle in hand, walks out on stage.

Babs: "Hamton, what're you doing here? This is kind of a bad time for a jam session - "

Hamton (very sure of himself for once): "When I auditioned for your band that time you as much as said that my style wasn't rock&roll. Well, my trio has done pretty good, & now we're gonna show you how country can rock (aside to audience) - as if Garth, Shania & Faith haven't already proved that."

By now the other members of the Hamton J. Pig Trio, Furrball on banjo & Barky Marky on bass fiddle, have arrived & are plugging in.

Hamton: "We're gonna lay on ya a little CDB in the key of D. Plucky, Feef, kickstart us would ya? Don't worry guys, you'll figure it out soon enough, & until you do just keep an eye on my boys & do what they do. Ready, hit it!"

And the familiar bass arpeggio followed by manic drumming that signal the opening of Charlie Daniels' greatest hit ensue as Hamton steps up to the mike.

Hamton: "The devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin' for a soul to steal

He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind, & he was willin' to make a deal

He came upon a fella playin' on a fiddle & a-sawin' it hot

He jumped upon a hickory stump & he said, 'I'll tell ya what;

I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too.

& if you'd care to make a dare I'll make a bet with you.

Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the devil his due;

I'll bet a fiddle of gold against your soul that I'm a whole lot better than you.'

Then the boy said, 'My name's Johnny, & it might be a sin,

but I'll take that bet. You're gonna regret, 'cause I'm the best that's ever been'"

with Buster, Babs & Plucky on the chorus: "Johnny, rosin up your bow, & play your fiddle hard,

'cause Hell's broke loose in Georgia & the Devil deals the cards.

& if you win you get that shiny fiddle made of gold,

but if you lose the Devil gets your soul"

Hamton plays the next couple lines accompanied by the augmented band until the next verse.

Hamton: "The Devil opened up his case & said, 'I'll start this show.';

& fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow.

& as he drew it across the strings it made an evil hiss (screech),

& he had (waves bow to indicate the band) a band of demons backing him up, & it sounded something like this."

And the band, especially Plucky on bass & Fifi on drums have the next musical seg, highlighted by Hamton's fiddle playing. Then it's time for the next verse.

Hamton: "The devil finished, & Johnny said, 'Well, you're pretty good, old son;

but sit down there in that chair right there, & let me show you how it's done."

BB&P: "Fire on the mountain run boys run" (fiddle)

"devil's in the house of the rising sun" (fiddle)

"Chicken's in the bread pan pickin' out dough" (fiddle)

"'Granny, will your dog bite?' 'No, child, no.'" (fiddle)

And Hamton takes it home, then takes the mike again.

Hamton: "The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat

& he laid that golden fiddle on the ground @ Johnny's feet.

Johnny said, 'Y'all come back if you ever wanna try again,

'cause I told you once, you son-of-a-gun, I'm the best that's ever been.'

& he played, "

BB&P: "Fire on the mountain; run, boys, run." (fiddle)

"Devil's in the house of the rising sun." (fiddle)

"Chicken's in the bread pan, a-pickin' out dough." (fiddle)

"'Granny, will your dog bite?' 'No, child, no.'" (fiddle)

And now Hamton really takes it on home with the whole supergroup country cookin' on in to the last note. And the audience rocks.

**************************************************************************** *******

We cut back to the alcove & a visibly relieved NTF.

NTF: "Well, I dunno about y'all; but I enjoyed that. 'All the squares go home', huh? Didn't work; I'm still here & I'm as square as they come. At this time I'd like to call your attention to the ribbon you might've noticed some of us wearing. It's the Mailing List Peril Awareness Ribbon. It's in the colors of the rings of the TTA logo & is in the shape of other awareness ribbons. When you see it, you'll be reminded that the mailing list - without which we wouldn't be here tonight, to say nothing of y'all reading it - could very well pass into that same oblivion that has swallowed such as Chaosonic & terra-online. We're all about fun here, but this is no joke. This mailing list is in peril, & it's up to you to save it. If you haven't filled out your ballot, do so now. Let Kevin know that you do care. It takes all of us to make it work.

"Well, anyway, to the next award. To present an award for villainous schemes it behooves us to recognize the finest in toon villainy. In essence, it takes a crook to congratulate a crook. So, who to get? No, not Darkseid or any of the other Superman villains. And none of the Batman villains either; even the Joker's humor would have some malicious undercurrent. Fortunately, after much wrangling & endless headaches which are only subsiding this very second, we've secured three of the best of the worst, who'll thankfully be remanded to custody immediately after the presentation. Originally from Butte Montana, by way of the Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries, Moo Goo Gai Pan; originally from Yugoslavia, by way of the Histeria time ship, Nikola Tesla; & from parts unknown but plying his trade somewhere in the environs of Washington D. C. via the Pinky Elmyra & the Brain series, Wally Faust."

Cut to the stage, where the above named - two of which bear an amazing resemblance to the creepiest characters Christopher Walken has ever played - approach to sinister organ music & the dolorous chant of a funereal chorus.

chorus: "Nimbus Cirrus Solar Plexus, Lactose

Igneous Metamorphic Sedimentary, Lactose

Geldia Busighi Turizzianogi

Neonto Ontario Gluteus Maximus, Lactose"

Faust (these two also sound exactly like those scary Christopher Walken characters): "Hello!"

chorus: "Gingivitis Tungstenitis Cincinnati

Lactose, Lactose, LAC-TOSE!!!"

Tesla: "Hello!"

Screams of horror ensue from the audience, echoing those which welcomed Mr. Faust's greeting a moment previously.

Pan (for those who've never seen S&TM, he sounds exactly like Cave Guy on Freakazoid): "Oh, could we get on with this? I have schemes to execute, animals to execute, former flames to exe-"

Faust: "We all, have similar nefarious ends, Mr. Pan., (Pan winces @ hearing his name) but, we, can afford, to crisply take a few moments, out of our, busy schedules."

Pan: "Would you PLEASE not use my name? And what is with those speech patterns; you sound like Captain Kirk on Prozac."

Tesla: "Not so loud, Mr. Pan; you're getting germs on me! I need a towelette, or preferably some soap & water."

Faust: "Mr. Tesla, after the ceremony, my associates, & I, would like to, discuss, your future, with you. We, can always use, someone of your, evil genius. Your, death ray alone, would be invaluable, to our ends."

Pan: "Could we PLEASE get on with it already?"

Faust (pointing @ Pan): "You're a sick & twisted not-so-young man; come see me in 50 years, but not before."

Tesla: "Maybe we should proceed with the program; these round microphone heads frighten me."

Faust: "Very well; let us crisply proceed. Mr. Pan, if you will?"

Pan (still cringing @ his name): "Oh, alright; the nominees are - "

=============================================================

"I'll kill Snow Loon yet!" and with that, she went down to the science lab and started to make a magic potion. When she drank this potion she turned into a bunny(Babs). She made a potion when she was the rabbit to get Snow Loon out of her hair for good.

=============================================================

Tesla: "Elmyra's plot to do in Shirley in 'Snow Loon', by Colin Feder."

Cut to Shirley & a still clueless Elmyra.

=============================================================

"Fifi has nothing to do with you. You want me." Buster said angrily as he pointed to himself.

"She knows to (sic) much!" the Prankster said. He then pushed a button on the control panel.

The canon (sic) fired immediately. Out of its muzzle, a lavender skunk, with its tail set on fire, was sent through the sky. Buster and Babs could only watch as Fifi was shot out into the distance. The folder she held was also on fire. Fifi disappeared into the distance without a trace.

=============================================================

Faust: "Fifi's coverup in, 'The Prankster', by, Michael M."

To Fifi, also Buster & Babs.

=============================================================

Plucky: After all of this time I've had to play second fiddle to you two, after all of the anvils you've dropped on me, all the indignities you've heaped (upon) my person hasn't it *EVER* occurred to you that I might ever try to get even?

Buster and Babs: (In Unison) No.

Babs: Wait a minute... are you trying to tell us that everything that has happened today... was a set-up?

Plucky: So there's a brain between those ears after all. Of course this was a set up!

Buster and Babs break down and laugh hysterically while Plucky looks on in annoyance(.)

Buster: It's not possible... what about the Detective...

Plucky: ...Bribed.

Babs: The tons of research material that backed him up...

Plucky: ...Painstaking researched, forged and planted.

Buster: (looking worried) T-the DNA evidence?

Plucky: ...Faked.

Babs: (Near panic) ...My parents!?

Mom: (steps into screen with Dad) We were in on it too, hon.

Elmyra: ...We were all in on it!

Babs: ... I want to know how you could have pulled this off?

Buster: Yeah, all of your other "Brilliant schemes" have failed in the past... Why not this one?

Plucky: Pfft! THOSE flash-in-the-pan ideas? They were spur of the moment... this gem, this crowning glory of the brillliance that is me... this has been in the works for three long years.

Imagine it. Three years of plotting, planning(,) gathering allies and sympathizers.

=============================================================

Pan: "Plucky's revenge in 'KITH' by Abel Dusable"

To a very pleased with himself Plucky; Shirley next to him shaking her head in her wing.

=============================================================

"Well, it all started a few years after you left. Monty was caught cheating in an exam by Daffy, and Monty bribed him. A few weeks later, he was caught by Bugs, and he tried bribing him, too. But Bugs wouldn't have it. He expelled Monty on the spot. Monty, being Monty, decided to take Daffy with him. He told Bugs about bribing Daffy, and Daffy was fired. Bugs made him leave Acme Acres altogether. Monty tried to get back in when Bugs was fired, but Babs didn't even consider taking him in again. What that book doesn't say

is that he tried it again with me. He offered me a million bucks to get back in. I said no, I already had millions of dollars. I thought that was the end of it. Boy, was I wrong. About 12 years ago, money started disappearing from tha Loo's funds.

I launched an investigation, and eventually came to the conclusion that it was Daffy who was stealing the money in order to get revenge for being fired. What no one realized, was that Monty had bought out the bank with our money in it, and started transferring money to his private account. We didn't figure it out until it was too late. We had to close the

Looniversity. Monty bought the Looniversity, and closed it. He made Acme Acres into the hell you see today."

=============================================================

Tesla: "Montana Max in 'Rabbit Out of Time' by Matt Bermann."

In the audience Monty starts to laugh, but it melts soon enough under the icy stares of everyone else.

=============================================================

Faithful readers will no doubt recall that when we last saw Slocum and Montant Max, the 300-lb. doofus henchman Charlie was about to relate the events at the bridges in question. As we rejoin them, Charlie has done just that. A smile begins to creep across the face of the pint-size toon billionaire's face. Then he breaks into bilious laughter, which echoes through the Dry Gulch Saloon, and which obviously does not go unnoticed by the Prince of Villains, Algernon Swinburne Slocum.

"Something funny, Monty?" he sneered.

"More than you dorks realize! With Honey Bunny out of the way, Bugs'll be emotionally drained! He'll WANT to give up the mine!" Then a thought came to him. "Wait a minute. A thought came to me! What if she managed to survive?"

"Are you KIDDING? Slocum asked, still sneering. "In THAT river? From a 2000 foot drop? Forget it, Monty... she's a goner!"

"Yeah," agreed Charlie. "It'd take a miracle for ANYBODY to survive a plunge in the Joan Rivers! Heh, heh-heh, heh-heh-heh..."

=============================================================

Faust: "And Charlie, Monty &, Slocum in, 'The Toony Way' by, Lee, M. Withers"

Cut back to Monty, but he isn't about to laugh again. Bugs & Honey are consoling each other on reliving that traumatic episode. And in another section, handcuffed to High Sheriff Drywall Paul, are the shame of the Dry Gulch Saloon, prince of villains Algernon Swinburne Slocum & his 300-pound doofus henchman Charlie. For added security, they're flanked on one side by Ranger Doug (The Idol of American Youth) & Wody Paul (The King of the Cowbly Fiddlers); & on the other side by Too Slim (A Man Who Changes Nicknames More Often Than He Changes His Socks, Which Is Admittedly Not Saying Much) & the sidekick's sidekick Sidemeat.

Pan: "And the winner is - "

After a long pause, -

Faust: "Mr. Tesla, if, you will?"

Tesla: "I'm not touching that envelope; who knows where it's been."

Faust: "Very well, but first, I've just been given, an, announcement: will, Babs Bunny, or, Dot Warner, whoever, is on the phone, with Harriet, please, direct their attention, here for the next, few moments? Thank you - "

Pan: "OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!!"

And with that he snatches the envelope, ripping it asunder & reading the contents.

Pan: "The winner is Plucky's revenge in 'KITH' by Abel DuSable. That's it; I am out of here!"

**************************************************************************** *******

The orchestra begins to play the theme from "The Plucky Duck Show" complete with the lyrics. Plucky Bounces down the isle to the stage dragging the hapless Shirley McLoon by her arm with him. In moments the two waterfowl are on the stage where Tesla takes a pair of salad tongs and gives Plucky the... ur ... Statuette? The villians quickly step away from the podium and Plucky steps up to the mic.

"I would like to take this time to say a few words..."

Reaching into his Tux plucky withdrew a small roll of paper letting it unroll... it unrolled across the stage.... and down the stairs... and the isle... and out the door. A collective groan echoed through the hall until Plucky grinned and cast the paper aside.

"Give me a little credit here. I only have five minuites to speak and I'm not gonna waste them on a bunch of meaningless drivel. But you gotta admit... it was funny."

"Ok, here's the thanks I have. Mom, dad without whom I wouldn't be here. Hampton for being my sidekick through thick and thin. Shirley for... well... always being my girlfriend. The whole cast for helping me to set up my all-time best revenge on the rabbits. Aw... what the heck, let's point and laugh at them one last time. Shall we folks?"

Everyone in the theatre turns to face Buster and Babs Bunny as if they rehearsed it, pointing and laughing at the blushing lagomorphic duo for thirty seconds before dying down and turning back to watch Plucky.

"Still feels good. Hee hee. I may never grow tired of that. We could be ancient withered toons in an old folks home and I'll turn to you two one day and wheeze 'We were all in on it...' Heh, heh. OK. Thanks to Mr DuSable for the chance to get back at those two in such an original way and for any future writings he might have in mind."

Camera pans to Abel and Harriet who have just returned to their seats and are still gorging themselves on the pizza and soda from the lobby then pans back to the stage.

"And thank you to me, who has such phenominal talent... Myself without whom I couldn't have pulled it off and of course I, who's wit and handsome features carried the day. And thank you for this.... this..." Looks at the Ukie and scratches his head "What is this thing supposed to be anyways? Nobody's really described what a Ukie is supposed to look like. Eh.... thanks for the shiny Ukie thing Acme Acres!"

The orchestra starts up with Plucky's Theme Song again as he and Shirley march off of the stage back to their seats,when halfway down the isle he whispers something to her and her fase contorts into a mask of utter disgust. Within a single heartbeat Plucky is reduced to well charred poultry and his Ukie now resembles something taken from a Dali painting."

**************************************************************************** *******

That little bit of excitement over, Faust & Tesla return to their former places on the stage.

Tesla: "I told you we should step back. Even from where we were, I think some germs got on me."

Faust: "You, worry too much, my friend. Now, let's leave so that you, can tell my colleagues, &, myself about how, your inventions work. Your, death ray, for instance..."

Tesla (pointing): "I think we're about to find out first-hand."

Faust, following the direction in which Tesla points, soon matches his colleague's grim visage. The shot widens to show the controls to a Tesla Death Ray; next to it stand the kids from Histeria, & Loud Kiddington pushes an ominous-looking red button. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the two of them are reduced to ash. Pete Puma promptly sweeps it offstage.

Pete: "Euuuup... You kids gotta learn to use the ashtrays!"

Cut back to the alcove, where a concerned NTF is talking to someone off- camera.

NTF: "What about Pan; did they get him? Oookay... huh? I'm on?! Oh!! Uh, & moving right along. The next award is an award which noone in their right mind wants to win. But there have been situations in fanfics over the years, & it has been decided that it will be a category, so there has to be a winner. To present the award for Most Humiliating Situation is a man of mystery. This man's been thru just about every humiliating situation possible. He's been hocked up on & then targeted by an entire race, he's been an unwilling host for an irritating symbiote, his dreams have been invaded, he's been shrunk to less than the size of his own head, he's been the only one - including some out of the organization - out of the loop, he's carried an alien baby (and that alone is enough to scare the you-know- what out of any sane male; who's the weaker sex?), he's been neuralyzed, belittled, slurred, & generally all his colleagues don't really think much of him. So he was the perfect choice. Presenting the award for Most Humiliating Situation, etc., my favorite man in black - aside from Johnny Cash - Mr. James Darrell Evans III!"

Agent J from the MIB cartoon comes to the stage as the band plays the theme from the MIB movie (whadda ya expect; the bandleader wrote the thing). Unbeknownst to him, his partner, Agent K, is right behind him.

J: "Whatever. Now, -"

K: "What do you think you're doing, Petunia?!"

J: "Petunia?!?"

Petunia (in the audience): "Hey!!!"

Porky (calling down): S-sir, do you me-meu-meu, watch it, willya?"

K: "Sorry about that sir, ma'am. (to J) You're just lucky we have a case here; come on, Junior."

The agents head out into the audience & make a beeline for Marvin Martian.

K: "You'll have to come with us."

Marvin: "What?"

J: "The man said to come with us. What, you think we didn't notice that little incident a couple Halloweens ago?"

Marvin: "I can explain..."

K: "Save it for the hearing."

J: "And don't count on the alien rights commission getting your back. You're local; the next planet over. What goes on with natives of this solar system isn't their problem."

They're walking all this time. By now they're @ the edge of the curtain where they run into L & X.

L: "We can go now; everyone backstage has been neuralyzed."

X: "And I've removed all evidence we were ever here."

L (walking backstage): "He destroyed two machines getting the tape out! It's inhuman!"

X (also walking backstage): "Why thank you..."

J: "What about those taping it at home, archiving this and such?"

K: "Don't worry; the twins will come up with something."

J joins L & X in leaving. Before joining them, K approaches the podium & holds up a pen-like device.

K: "Due to their vast array of experiences in being humiliated on the big & small screens, the next guest presenters will be Daffy Duck & Sylvester the Cat. *flash*"

As he departs, everyone is momentarily stunned. After a moment Daffy & Sylvester rise & head for the stage. The band plays a certain cartoon show theme unfamiliar to most (hey, even I've never heard it).

Daffy: "Thank you, thank you one and all."

Sylvester: "This award is all about not getting any respect."

Daffy: "A concept with which both of us are quite familiar."

Sylvester: "That tune we just heard for instance; does anyone besides, oh, about a dozen or so who were directly involved in it recognize it?"

Daffy: "Even those who were involved have probably forgotten it by now."

Sylvester: "Very likely. The Sylvester & Tweety Daffy & Speedy Show was just on for that one season in '81-'82."

Daffy: "What chance did we have to be noticed, in the shadow of that BBRRS juggernaut?"

Sylvester: "You don't have to tell me about that; that show swallowed up the Sylvester & Tweety Show in '77."

Daffy: "Yes, we both have had whole lifetimes of playing second fiddle."

Sylvester: "Sometimes to the same critter."

Daffy: "Oh yes, Speedy."

Sylvester: "You-know-who *coughturnercough* should be ashamed of what he's done to him."

Daffy: "He's on a bit of a rally lately - great performance on that number earlier - but as anemically as his toons are still shown that could change."

Sylvester: "Winning an Oscar doesn't mean a thing to some people."

Daffy: "Oh, thanks a lot for the sour persimmons, mister 3-of-the- studio's-5-Oscars! It's not like I didn't try to get any of my stuff nominated!"

Sylvester: "Oops, I'm sorry. And you're right; you have put out some true gems over the years: Robin Hood Daffy, Duck Amuck, Duck Dodgers, The Great Piggy Bank Robbery-"

Daffy: "The Scarlet Pumpernickel."

Sylvester: "Of course. It was truly a joy getting to act for once, instead of having to do comedy all the time."

Daffy: "Then J.L. chopped it to bits!"

Sylvester: "Turning your masterpiece into another 7 1/2 minute woo- woo fest."

Daffy: "It's certainly not easy trying to act comedy when you're being dissed all the time."

Sylvester: "Well, I wasn't getting no respect all the time, only when I wasn't getting beaten up & otherwise physically abused."

Daffy: "Oh, brother; here we go again about your show."

Sylvester: "Well, you've seen it; when did I ever get my due for my contributions to solving a single case?"

Daffy: "Maybe it was because you were obsessed with eating Tweety?"

Sylvester: "I guess you'd know, what with your history with Speedy."

Daffy: "Hey, I never really wanted to eat him; anyway, you went after him too."

Sylvester: "There was a reason for that: the whole cat & mouse thing? Who ever heard of a duck chasing a mouse anyway?"

Daffy: "The point is we've been humiliated our entire careers."

Sylvester: "Right; even your protege beat you to getting an award what with Kith's success."

Daffy: "That's where you're wrong; last year on Termite Terrace Wise Quackers won a tournament to determine the greatest Looney Tune cartoon ever."

Sylvester: "And that and a penny..."

Daffy: "...still won't buy anything, I know."

Sylvester: "Have you had enough banter yet?"

Daffy: "Just waiting for you to notice."

Sylvester: "So let's get on with it."

Daffy: "The award is for the Most Humiliating Situation, etc."

Sylvester: "And the nominees are..."

=============================================================

Very casually, the paintbrush created two more ducks, who looked and dressed exactly like Plucky, except that one of them was wearing a black T- shirt and the other a grey one.. "Huh?" he asked. "What's going on?":

"Hi, Plucky-," started one(,) the one in the black shirt.

"-how's it goin'?" finished the one in grey.

Both of their voices were identical to Plucky's, who suddenly looked very angry.

"What is this?" he demanded. "I am the one and only Plucky Duck! You can't go and make duplicates of me!"

"Duplicates? We're not-"

"-your duplicates. We're your brothers."

"Sure. You're Plucky, I'm Ducky,-

"-and I'm Wucky."

A look of horror formed on Plucky's face. "Waitaminute!" he said with alarm. "Plucky, Ducky and Wucky? Are you-"

"-saying that we're Daffy-"

"-Duck's nephew's from now on!"

"NOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed Plucky with all his being.

"To that," said Daffy Duck as he suddenly walked into the room, "I most wholeheartedly agree!" and he tossed a huge bomb into the room.

"Mother..." whispered Plucky weakly as the bomb landed at this feet.

KAAABLAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!!!

=============================================================

Daffy: "Plucky's treatment in 'Pluck Amuck' by Kevin Mickel. heh heh heh."

cut to a fuming Plucky

=============================================================

The biggest shock, though, is from Fifi. She screams once and cowers behind her chair, blushing, and then reaches gingerly for Plucky's cape and grabs it. Babs watches from behind as her hair tormentor is now completely bald and totally naked.

=============================================================

Sylvester: "When Fifi is shaved bald in 'Bad Hare Day' by Don Speirs."

Fifi's purple has now turned bright red

=============================================================

Feathers were flying off the Roadrunner. He was struggling to keep up and felt his energy draining away. The vibrations had ceased and now he tried desperately to keep his body straight. The wind sheer was making him veer from side to side. Most of his feathers were gone and the ones falling from Li'l Beeper in front of him were pelting him like rocks. The high speed was his master now and he was subject to it. Each movement became agony and tears streamed back from his eyes in the wind. His younger student was now leading him and Lord lead (sic) them both, still accelerating out in front. He could hear nothing but his own heart pounding, as all sound was literally behind him. He was losing - but he fought on - the pain growing, the shame building. He couldn't let it happen! But in a snap it was all over. His primary tail feather fell out and he lost all stability. He turned his head just slightly to look - and that did it.

Up in the Hare Plane, Wile E. gasped at the sight. The crowd of toons in the bleachers rose to their feet, as they watched the video screen in horror. The Roadrunner was tumbling end over end, through the air - the last of his feathers flying off and the sand spraying crazily as he clawed the ground to stop himself. His body rolled and bounced - long legs and wings flailing - then he collapsed into the dirt, sliding feet first to a stop. Feathers floated down around him as he lay there exhausted and thoroughly dazed. He lay there staring at Beeper and Lord as they disappeared, leaving him behind. His tears continued to flow, as he hung his head and waited for help to arrive.

=============================================================

Daffy: "The Roadrunner's Crash in 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK."

RR is quite distraught

=============================================================

Lola: I wanted to have a chance to speak to you before you became too busy.

Buster: Uh, what about?

Lola: Tell me Buster, haven't you ever-found Babs a bit... immature?

Buster: Well she's wild and unpredictable at times... but that's just who she is.

Lola: Doesn't it wear on you after a while?

Buster: There are times I wish I could find her 'off' button... if that's what you mean.

Lola: A bit too wild?

Buster: I'll say, sometimes I take her out and don't even know who I'm dating. I could wind up with Barbara Walters, Cher, Joan Rivers or Queen Elizabeth the second.

Lola: Poor boy... perhaps what you need is some mature companionship.

Lola places her hand on top of Buster's and he gasps in shock.

Buster: (beginning to sweat) L-Lola! I... Whuh.... What about Bugs?

Lola: Bugs is fun to be with, but a woman has to keep her options open. I've heard a lot about you Buster. A lot of girls talk about you in the locker room.

Buster: (Trying to carefully take his hand away) R-really?

Lola: It's always, "Buster did this..." and "Buster did that...", I'm curious if all the rumors were true.

Buster: Ulp!

Lola: (Strokes Buster's cheekfur) What's wrong? Don't you find me attractive?

=============================================================

Sylvester: "and Buster being hit on by Lola in 'Kith' by Abel DuSable."

cut to an embarrassed Buster under a watchful glare from Babs. The scene is echoed elsewhere with Bugs & Honey. Meanwhile Lola is chuckling like all get out.

Daffy: "And the winner is - " (opens envelope, reading with Sylvester) "The Roadrunner's crash in 'A Time to Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK."

**************************************************************************** *******

*The band strikes up a more familiar tune from the "Bugs Bunny / Roadrunner Show". A fast guitar plays as a small group of singers (all dressed alike in long hair and bellbottom pants and vests) sing and dance in a line.*

Singers: Roadrunner! The coyote's after you!

Roadrunner! If he catches you, you're through!

That coyote is really a crazy clown!

When will he learn that he never can mow you down?

Poor Little Roadrunner never harming anyone!

Just running down the road's his idea of havin' Fuuuuuuuuun!

* A big finish with the dancers doing cartwheels over each other into a final pose* Audience cheers!* The dancer/singers retire*

*The Roadrunner zips up onto the stage, all smiles, to stand at the podium*

RR: Beep Beep!

*audience cheers*

*He looks around, bobbing his head, then bobs up and down in the silence as the audience stares at him.*

RR: P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pbbbt - Beep beep!

*silence* *Daffy makes a face, while Sylvester looks at his watch*

Daffy: Well, thith wath a missstake!

Sylvester: Gosh-th-th! He does-thn't even talk!

Daffy: Wait a minute! I think he'th gonna thay thompthing!

Sylvester: Will you ssstop-p ssspitting on me?!"

*the Roadrunner clears his throat audibly and moves up to the microphone, about to speak*

Sylvester:After all these-th years-th! He's finally gonna talk to us-th- th!!

Daffy: Quit th-spitting on me!

*the audience is so silent , we can hear a pin drop (which Junyer Bear does, making a terrible clatter)

Paw Bear:(socking Junyer in the mouth) SHUT UP JUNYER!!

*Everyone stares as the Roadrunner opens his beak*

Roadrunner: ................BEEP BEEP!

*He holds up a sign that says "THANK YOU" *

*crickets chirp, frogs croak. The roadrunner stands there smiling blithely*

Daffy:(does a "slow burn" look) Oh! Well, that's-th just peachy! That's-th Marvelous-th! That's-th just Genius!!

An offstage voice: No, that's where I come in!

*Wile E. Coyote makes an entrance from stage left, striding confidently out to his partner at the podium. He bows. They shake hands (or wings and paws) and stand arm in arm, smiling*

*The audience applauds wildly. Wile E. abruptly holds up a paw and there is suddenly total silence*

Wile E.: 'Super-Genius' to be precise! Now my partner here, R.R. (ie. The Roadrunner) has given me his thoughts on the matter, so with your kind indulgence I shall reveal them to you.

Daffy:(under his breath) Oh, Broth-ther!

Sylvester: (under his breath) Ssstop Spitting on me!!

Wile E.: RR has told me that he regrets having lost the race, but has nonetheless learned a extremely valuable lesson about trying harder and setting an example for today's youth - our Acme Looniversity students. He feels - as I do - that as professors of the Exemplary - we must continue to provide better and better examples for our pupils and the Youth around the World. Only by being absolutely the best examples - can we teach our charges to work harder and achieve more than we can achieve - moving on to bigger and better horizons in the future!

*Wile E. has gotten a bit carried away with himself*

Wile E.: Ahem..I beg your pardon, I seem to have gotten a bit carried away with myself.

Sylvester:(aside) You can thay th-that again!

Daffy: (under his breath) I thaid th-stop ssspitting on me!

Wile E.: RR is extremely pleased however, to have witnessed his protege` excell his own powers of speed and to have used them sensably. I give you - Lil' Beeper!

*wild applause as Beeper zips and joins his Mentor onstage. Beeper honks like a kazoo*

Wile E.: RR has informed me however that he by no means will sit still...(he seldom does).. He has vowed to begin training himself further and will successfully equal his best top speed of well over Mach 1 (the speed of sound) within a few months' time. I also intend to sharpen my own skills instead of relying on so many old stale ideas from the past. We must all excell, so that the next generation will have a high standard to shoot for. Records are only made to be broken!

*a standing ovation. Daffy attempts to take the stage*

Daffy: Thank You! Thank You! *covers the microphone, aside to Wile E.* Great! Make us-th all have to work harder, you wind-bag! *for the audience - into the mike* By the Way - where's Pepe k.? I thought he wath part of thith?

Wile E.: Oh... I believe he was delayed by that medical examination he had. "A Nuclear Stress Test".

Sylvester: Hmmph! I wonder what th-that is-th?

Daffy:(aside) I told you to S-stop spitting on me!

An offstage voice: It's when they inject you full of radioactive dye.

*Pepe K. enters from offstage right - his entire body glowing a strange green color*

Pepe K.: I feel fine, now.

*Everyone gasps. The Roadrunner and Lil' Beeper take one look at the radioactive skunk and zip away, leaving trails of flame. The Roadrunner quickly returns and waves as he picks up his award*

Roadrunner: Beep Beep! *and zoom! he is over the horizon*

Wile E.:(backing away hastily) Excuse me, but I have a previous engagement - with a fallout Shelter!

*He runs off. The glowing Pepe k. advances to the podium and puts an arm around both Daffy and Sylvester*

Pepe K.: Gee, sorry I was late, Guys.

Daffy & Sylvester:(Ignoring him as they argue) Oh, no problem! Th-that'th okay. (aside to each other) I th-thought I told you to quit spitting on me! You?! I told you that! Well, I don't spit on people! Yeth you do! You talk just like Leon Th-Slesthinger! You take that back! I do not - you do!....."

*As the two toons continue their sp-p-p-spirited argument - each grows a second head on their shoulders, un-noticed by them - and they Also begin to argue*

*the audience dons rubber radiation suits and laughs... in a muffled way*

Pepe K.:(to the audience) Well, they say four heads are better than two - but in this case we'll make an exception!

;)

**************************************************************************** *******

So saying, PepeK makes his bow & his exit - to a hastily constructed decontamination chamber. Meanwhile, our favorite humiliation hall-of-famers continue going head-to-head-to-head-to-head. Finally, a certain Mexican mouse sneaks up behind them

Speedy: "EE-HA!!!"

Daffy & Sylvester shoot up & out of the scene. When they come back down they're back to normal - well, normal for them. (toon physics) Before they can renew the chase of their favorite mutual nemesis they're waylaid by their wives. Daphne Duck & Sylvia J. Pussycat march their husbands back to their seats, giving them a couple of earfuls all the way to synchronized "yes dear"'s. Back on the stage, Speedy explains.

Speedy: "I apologize for eenterrupting the proceedings, senores, senoras, & senoritas; but that loco pussygato & that loco duck had to be stopped somehow I theenk. Besides, I like them; they're seellee. And I am feeleeng much better now that my cartoons are beeing seen again, eef only late at night or early in the morning. Senor Freeman, why don't you take it from heere?

NTF: "Thank you, South America, heh-heh. Maybe PepeK shoulda said South OF America. But whadda I know; I think anything south of the Rio Grande is south America. I mean, I'm in the American South, and... I know, it's a joke, son! Well, the next guest presenters will improve on that monologue; they could hardly do otherwise. For reasons that boggle the mind the Best Ending award is not at the end of this show, but here. Well, there's only one star who gives the definitive, no-nonsense sign-off. The one that's more to the point than even 'that's all folks'. The one that says, literally, 'it's over. go away!' Yes, I'm talking about Slappy Squirrel, & here she is - along with her nephew Skippy, to present the Best Ending award. Ms. Squirrel?



The band breaks into Dvorak's "Humoresque" as the squirrels - one gray, one brown - approach the stage. Slappy is in her usual good humor %D

Slappy: Eh, enough with the music! Stop it already, unless ya want a Triangle of TNT.

Skippy: Aunt Slappy...

Slappy: I know, I know, but it just doesn't make sense to put in the ending this early - not that I'd hang around for the end, mind ya; I know how these awards shows go on.

Skippy: I know, but this was how it was arranged on the ballot...

Slappy: DON'T START WITH THE BALLOT ARRANGEMENTS!!!

As Slappy rages on for the next few minutes about ballots, elections, recounts & anything else that comes to mind; Slappy looks out at the audience.

Skippy: "Since Brad Pitt got married she's been a little bitter. (whispers: do not even mention anything that sounds like f-r-i-e-)"

Slappy: "SKIPPY!!!"

Skippy: "Sorry, Aunt Slappy."

Slappy: "Let's just get on with it before it gets so late I get cranky."

Skippy: "Yes, ma'am. The nominees are..."

=============================================================

The orange liquid slowly filled the glass, and Buster lifted it to his lips. He took a long drink and took a deep breath. Dismissing the maid, he put the glass down on the table next to his chair and looked at the view before him.

From his third story balcony he could see for miles. The green grass of Acme Acres stretched out before him, and the sun shone down, marking the start of another pleasant day. A haze surrounded the cityscape that occupied the horizon, with the bell tower of Acme Looniversity standing alone amongst the other buildings. The forest stretched off on either side, and there was a pleasant scent of pine.

"Buster, are you out there?"

The voice broke his train of thought, but he didn't mind. He turned his head to look behind him, and smiled as he saw her emerging out onto the balcony.

"Hiya, gorgeous", he asid, with a smile, "top of the morning to you."

Babs smiled and sat on the chair next to him, and looked out over the balcony.

"Now I understand why you always get up so early. This view is fantastic."

Buster smiled and looked over at her face. "Not as fantastic as this view." He kissed her softly.

Their kiss was interrupted by a squirt of water hitting them both directly in the face. "What the..?" asked Buster, turning to look at the source of the water.

Bo smiled at them both. "You know you two shouldn't be doing that at this time in the morning."

Buster grabbed him by the ears and playfully pinned him to the ground.

"Hey!" he shouted, chuckling, "quit it! Dad! Mom, stop him!"

Babs laughed. "Let him up, Buster ... after all, he's not the first bunny to go nuts with a water pistol."

Buster looked up at her and smirked, before releasing his grip on Bo. "So how come you're up so early this morning, Bo?" he asked, taking another sip of his carrot juice.

"Tish, Kath and I are going out on a trip to the forest, and we've got to leave early. She should be-" He stopped as he heard the doorbell ring. "Oh, that'll be her now."

He rushed inside and downstairs to the front door, and let Tish in. "Hi, Tish! Mom and Dad are upstairs on the balcony - let's leave them to it. We're going to have to get started now if we're going to get to the forest before lunch. Where's Kath meeting us?"

"Kath's going to be waiting for us at Weenie Burger," Tish replied. She shouted up the stairs. "Hi, Mr. Bunny! Hi, Mrs. Bunny!"

"Hi!" they both called down in unison. "Have a good time, you two!"

"We will. See you later!" called Bo, closing the door.

Buster smiled over at Babs. "So, what do you want to do on this fine Saturday morning?"

"How about we catch up with Bugs? I haven't seen him in a long time."

"Good idea." replied Buster, "I think he'll probably be down at the golf course, giving Daffy a sound walloping. I wonder if that duck will ever learn that he just can't beat Bugs at golf."

Babs laughed and stood up. "I'll go and get changed, then wait in the car. A trip to the golf course might be good for me, anyway. I've still got a bit of a headache after last night's party. Remind me to not let Shirley mix the drinks again."

She walked inside the house and towards their bedroom, stopping to look at a picture hanging on the wall. Bugs and Felicia stood in front of the statue of Liberty, smiling and waving, Bugs' arm over Felicia's shoulder. The photo was similar to a postcard, and at the bottom was written "Some Things Will Stay In History Forever." She moved her hand to touch the picture, smiling as she drifted her fingers down the cold glass protecting the memory the picture contained. Her hands drifted down to the ornately carved wooden frame. She ran her fingers slowly left and right over it, until she came across the two golden rings set into the base of the frame, one bearing a stunning diamond, forever embedded into the wood. She looked down at her own ring and smiled as her gaze returned to the frame. She read the insciption, carved into the wood above the rings. "Our time together may be over, but we shall have our history, and we shall one day have eternity. I miss you and love you, my wife. - Bugs"

Babs smiled at the picture of her mother-in-law. "I miss you, Mom."

Buster smiled, and watched Babs lovingly as she left. He got up out of his chair, and leaned forward on the rail of the balcony. He took in a deep breath of the warm, fresh spring air filling his lungs. He looked up into the sky and saw the sun shining down on him, and a strange echo filled his ears; it sounded like someone laughing. Someone strangely familiar. He shrugged it off as someone out in Acme Acres enjoying the day as much as he was. He yawned and stretched his arms, and smiled broadly up at the sky.

"It looks like it's going to be another fantastic day."

=============================================================

Skippy: "Happily ever after, 'The Hours Between Night And Day - Bugsnapped III', by Matt Berman."

In the VIP section Bugs' tears are freely flowing as this scene revives memories of his first wife (Felicia, "Hold the Lion, Please," 1942). Honey does her best to comfort him. Meanwhile B&B (now relation?) are engaged in some uncharacteristically maudlin TLC. Elsewhere, Bo & Tish are similarly occupied. (which would make Buster & Babs how old? And just how many kids do they have there while they're still in high school?)

=============================================================

Merrie, "Thank you, in later developments it was found that Miss La Fume departed from the Loo soon after. She headed for the nearest grocery store and drank herself to death on Lysol disinfectant. In other news....."

"Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!" a loud voice booms from above, "This ending s*cks, totally!"

Fifi walks on-screen, "Vous are telling mois!" Hamton and Alex soon appear, gargling bottles of Listerine mouthwash, gulping and spitting it out on the ground. The other toons who had been vaporized in Fifi's attack walk on-screen as well.

Voice, "I got a better idea! Back to the dance!"

Fifi, "Monsiour! Make vous decision now! Will et be moi! Our will it be ze dirt-bag fox!"

Buster, "Wait a minute!" runs up to Alex being held between Fifi and Camry, "That isn't Alex, it's," takes and rips Alex's head off. A line of surprised gasps are heard at what is inside the mask that was once Alex's face.

Buster, "It's Camry," she looks at Buster with hatred, "she's trying to get this show discredited by exploiting alternative lifestyles on a family show. Maybe even trying to get it erased from existence."

Camry, "And I would have gotten away with it too, if not for you noisy kids!"

Plucky, "But if that's Camry, then who is this?" points at the other Camry that is holding Camry, Buster rips the head off of this twin.

Buster, "It's, Babs!!"

Babs, "I'm sorry, Buster. I wanted to know what it would-be like to make out with a boy skunk."

Shirley, "But if that like is Babs, then who is this?" grabs hold of the other Babs standing next to her, rips the head off of her as well.

Shirley, "It's like Scooby-Doo!"

Scooby, "Srooby Drooby Doo!"

Voice, "Wait a minute, this ending is stupid and been way overdone. Would someone please get that idiot mutt out of my story!" a huge boot appears, booting Scooby out of the picture, and hopefully the world.

Fifi, "Monsiour, would vous please make up vous mind! Does moi get with monsiour Alex or not?"

Voice, "Ok, Ok, keep your tail down," she is waving it dangerously, "None of these are the real ending, but, I owe it to you to give you the real one."

Alex comes down, and lets her go, although very reluctantly, "I'll be waiting for you mon amore." with that, he disappears in a flash. We iris out on Fifi's face, and bring the story to a close.

The black screen is ripped apart by a very angry female skunk, who looks at me with eyes blazing and a tail waving angrily.

Fifi, "Monsiour Jeremy, this ending is stupid! Je cannot believe zis, and je am not leaving until vous gets moi ze date tonight! Ez it so much to ask to be loved? Am moi not a woman who needs to be ze loved and caressed?"

Jeremy, "UH OH! Ummm, well...." looking at Furrball, Calamity, and Beeper. They take one wide-eyed look at me, and bolt, leaving behind a sign that says, "NO WAY MAC! WE'VE ALREADY BEEN PAIRED TOO OFTEN WITH HER!"

I look at Hamton for help, who says immediately to me, "Are you kidding? I might score with Cheri tonight!" and with that, he leaves the picture.

Jeremy, "Well, we still got Plucky and Buster."

Plucky, "No, I can't, I got Shirley!" ducks behind her for cover.

Shirley, "Like Plucky, it may improve how you treat women or some junk." Plucky pleads with Shirley, then finally says, "Ill pay you two- hundred dollars if you just say your going steady with me."

Shirley, "Like sold!"

Buster, "Are you nuts? I got Babs for a date and I don't think anyone would want us to break up."

Jeremy, "Oh come on guys, I want to get this story finished, it's just one date!"

Fifi, "Oui, and je won't bite unless vous wants moi to."

Buster, "I am not taking her out!"

Plucky, "Well, I'm not taking her out!"

Buster, "It'll clear your sinuses, Plucky."

Plucky, "It'll bleach your hair, Buster."

Buster, "You take her out!" shoves Plucky on the chest.

Plucky, "You take her out!" shoves Buster back.

"I'll take her out!"

Fifi, "Who said zat?"

"It's me, the idiot who wrote this slop. I wrote her into this situation, so I'll take the responsibility for it."

Fifi, "Oh monsiour, vous will not know what has hit vous when I am done with vous." has a very lusty look in her eyes.

Jeremy, "Just two things, Fifi."

Fifi, "And what are zhose?"

Jeremy, "No tongue, and keep that tail to yourself!"

Fifi, "Oui, monsiour. Oui monsiour."

And with that, this story finally comes to a close until next time. Unfortunately for me, Fifi has her fingers crossed.

=============================================================

Skippy: "Too many endings, 'Transfer Student' by Jeremy J. Jurrens."

Fifi & Hamton are @ this moment turned away from each other, elbows on knees, heads in hands, "hrumph!" expressions on faces. The other named toons are having various adverse reactions. In Alex's box seats, any ribbing the other members of the many would-be loves of Fifi LaFume club give him are cut short when he starts to "power up", so to speak. Meanwhile on stage...

Slappy: "Yeah, and too many lines, if you ask me! Whatsa matter EdWood, haven't you ever heard of editing?" (under her breath) "I can't believe he wants to be head of the network."

Skippy: "Well, he couldn't do any worse than Kellner."

Slappy: "No one could do worse than Kellner!"

Skippy: "The nominees, Aunt Slappy?"

Slappy: "Oh, yeah. Forgot what we were doin', it's been so long."

=============================================================

Harriet: Just let me know when you're done with him. I can do a lot with leftovers like those. -

=============================================================

"HOLD IT!!!"

Suddenly Slappy is in NTF's face, literally. She is mildly peeved - for Slappy - which would mean well beyond the boiling point to must of us.

Slappy: "Now listen up, Eisenstein, it's bad enough you gotta go on forever on those excuses for clips, but this ain't even from the ending! Now you'd better start getting things together or I'm gonna hafta give ya the mother of all enemas."

To underscore her statement she's brandishing a stick of dynamite & indicating her intentions in a way I won't repeat here.

NFT: *Gulp!!!* Ooops!! I'm sorry, I dunno how that happened. I, I'll behave, ma'am, yes'm!"

Slappy: "Good. Y'know, you remind me of a very young - ah, forget it! You're so nondescript it'd be an insult to him!"

And with that she returns to the stage while we get back to the nominee clips (hopefully the right one this time!)

=============================================================

Up the X-Files-ish theme as Fox and Skunky watch the crowd begin to disperse from the nearby from the nearby forest. Skunky's trademark voice- over completes the scene.

Skunky Voice-Over: Case log follow-up: The source of the long string of unwarranted cameos has been identified as one Plucky Q. Duck. Mr. Duck's motives for instigating such an influx of characters has been revealed as nothing more than an elaborate hoax motivated by a need for revenge against one Buster Bunny and one Babs Bunny, neither of whom are related to the other. [see Senate records: Buster and Babs Go to Washington] As no actual laws have been broken in this act of fan-fiction nor any questionable scenes produced by its writer it is safe to say that there is nothing more to report at this time and the case has been closed.

Skunky: Well Moldy, this has been yet another waste of the FBI's time and resources. What do you have to say for yourself?

Fox: Wanna go make out?

Moldy: (looks at Fox and shrugs) Sure, why not?

Fox and Skunky walk off into the forest hand in hand.

Able DuSable pulls up in a 40's-style car and jumps clad only in white gloves a red sash, carrying a bundle of roses.

Able: Sorry I'm late, I had work to finish up and Fifi's accent blew up my spell-checker again, then there was the car trouble...

Mary: Newsflash, Able. Story's over. You can't cameo in it anymore.

Able: Aw man! And I never even had a chance to make a decent pass at Babs in this thing. Oh well, she was always number two in the femme lineup to me.

Fifi: Pardon moi? If she was, 'ow you say, second place, who was first?

Able hands Fifi the flowers and smiles at her with a glint in his teeth.

Able: Why you, Cheri.

Fifi: Ohhhhhh...!!!

Able: (offers his arm) I find myself with a free evening, Miss LaFume. Care to join me for a night out on the town?

Fifi: (takes the offered arm) Monsieur... Moi would be delighted.

The two mustelids walk off arm in arm and the camera irises the scene until it focuses on Able's head and shoulders as he turns to the audience and shrugs with a grin.

Able: Hey, I wrote this thing. I can do pretty much what I want.

Iris out

The end.

Up TTA end theme.

Stinger: The TTA rings surround Fox and Moldy who are kissing passionately. They stop in mid-motion and look at the camera with mortified expressions.

Moldy: Uh... the truth is out there?

Skunky: Why don't you go look for it and leave us alone?

END

=============================================================

Slappy: "X-Files / writer's license, 'KITH', by Able DuSable. And if this next one is any longer than 10 lines I'm gonna have me a talk with Chayefsky up there."

Cut to the X-Files agents who like mildly mortified, again. Meanwhile Harriet doesn't look too happy at the inplication of her being number three, but it's tempered by her "accidentally" slipped in "leftovers" remark.

=============================================================

As they stepped onto the coffee-smelling plane, their horrible plane trip to Acme Acres flooded back into their memories.

"Yakko! I don't wanna take another plane trip!" Dot almost-whined.

"Yeah!" Yakko spoke up, "Why can't we just do a checkerboard transition back to Burbank?!"

The scene checkerboarded out, and the water tower appeared. The three siblings ran to the tower and scrambled up the side, and disappeared in the big heavy door for one more day.

=============================================================

Skippy: "And checkerboard, 'Out of the Water Tower and Out of Their Minds' by Karen J. Tindall."

Cut to the Warners who're nostalgically daydreaming about Fifi, Shirley, & Throttle, respectively.

Slappy: "Boy, I remember that one; you & me kid, we nuked that 'bubble emporium.' That'll teach those .fandom perv's to go taking advantage of -"

Skippy: "You said that in the story, Aunt Slappy. Besides, we're being advised not to go too far in that direction; besides the possible censoring there've been complaints that the refs are getting a bit obscure, & most people probably wouldn't even know about that story's prequel ('You Are What You See' by Kim 'Yakko's Babe' Robarts, to which I can point you upon request).

Slappy: "Oy vey! NOW he starts watching himself. Let's just get this over with already. (opens envelope) And the winner is - (with Skippy) X Files / artistic license, 'KITH', by Able DuSable."

**************************************************************************** *******

The entire orchestra puts down their insturments and begin to whistle the X-files theme while Abel, Fifi, Fox and Skunky make their way up onto the stage.

The quartet accepts the awards from Slappy and Skippy. Fox Moldy walks up to the mic and begins his acceptance speech.

"I have been asked by Agent Skunky to spare you the details of the terrible conspiracies that permiating our society because of the numerous global shadow cabnets entrenched within our own goverments. So instead of informing you of these dangers I would like to dedicate this award to my mother, my missing sister who was kidnapped by aliens, my other sister who turned out to be one of several clones, my missing twin brother who became the leader of a cult someplace in Mexico, my father who may or may not be a chain smoker and my partner who's bee-stung lips I find very attractive."

Fox steps away from the podium to allow Skunky a chance to speak.

"I would like to thank the Furry Bureau of Investigations for giving us the time to appear in the fanfiction in question as well as this awards ceremony. I thank my doctor for helping me with my medical condition and my partner to who I must confess a growing attraction to his bee-stung nose."

Skunky finds herself nudged aside by Fifi LaFume who seizes the microphone.

"Moi would like to sank all of ze boys out zere pour making moi ze number one femme on TTA, I love you all. I sank Messeur DuSable for such a delightful evening and for a boyfriend zat isn't such a swine. (Moi *STEEL* cannot beleive Hampton cheated upon moi duing ze spring break! HMMPH!)"

Pan to the audience where Calamity snarls angrily at a very wary Hampton and the Duck-girl from the spring break special, the camera pans back to Fifi who smiles sweetly to the audience.

"It's nice to have a boyfriend who's not afraid to express his feelings, Non? A pity we're only a couple in one fanfiction... two if you count Fractured Images but zat's a bit complicated to go into right now. Merci to you all!"

Fifi skips off to the side where Fox and Skunky wait patiently while Abel takes the stand.

"Well now, I'm pleased that Kith is turning out to be such a popular Fanfiction here at the awards. I guess I have to thank all of the readers, the other writers, OH! and especially Thorne for rendering my date for the evening in such lovely detail."

As Abel speaks Speedy Gonzales sneaks up behind him and abruptly shouts out his trademark *YEEEHA!!* with only an arched eyebrow on the part of DuSable as a visible response.

"What was that all about, Speedy?"

"I was trying to get back at you for that deportation joke you made in Kith. Why didn't you jump like the others do?"

"Oh, I've been to the Calgary Stampede. Once you've been there sudden loud noises seem to lose their impact."

Suddenly Fox drags Skunky over to the podium and gestures wildly at Speedy.

"Skunky! Look! This rodent seems to have supernatural velocity. It must be part of some sort of some neo-alien goverment shadow conspiracy!"

"I will admit it is unatural, Moldy, but let's be serious. It's not a conspiricy."

"Oh no? What about that episode where he raced the Roadrunner? The outcome was left undecided."

"Actually, agent Moldy, that was just a minor conspiricy on the part of WB. Do you want to know the real secret about this mouse, the Roadrunner and the race?"

The two FBI agents look at one another before turning to Abel and saying in unison "What is it?"

"In nature... Roadrunners *EAT* mice. Speedy was too busy running for his life to win a race and the Roadrunner had something else on his mind other than defending a title. The WB had to make that episode up out of film fragments where it *looked* like the plot was being upheld but the ending was hastily put together when the two racers departed from the track and were not seen of the better part of a week."

Suddenly the Roadrunner and his pupil Little Beeper dash up on stage looking hungrily at the Mexican Mouse. With a faint squeek of terror the race is on again as Speedy charges from the theatre with the two birds in hot pursuit. Slappy looks over at the smirking Sable and smiles.

" Nice touch kid. I'd have used dynamite, but that was pretty good... for an amateur."

The X-files theme is once again whistled by the Orchestra as the four toons take their seats.

**************************************************************************** *******

The X-files theme is once again whistled by the Orchestra as the four toons take their seats. Harriet, tho, starts to give Able an earful almost before he sits down.

Slappy: "Well, they've been waiting for this, but no more than I have: It's over. Go away."

Skippy: "But Aunt Slappy, there's still a lot of show left."

Slappy: "Maybe for you. I'm going to bed. I've earned my $464, & - "

Skippy: "Wait a minute, didn't Leloni say - "

Slappy: "I know what she said! And if she can lay hold of $40,000 per guest I'm gonna deal myself into whatever she's got goin' on. What, you think I wouldn't know what my own student can afford? I am her mentor, you know."

Skippy: "That reminds me; when can I go to Acme Loo?"

Slappy: "Ask the writers. (turns to leave) Writers! *pah* They've taken over. You think Chuck & Tex would've let Michael Maltese & Heck Allen tell'em what was what? But now there's Dini, Rugg, Hastings, & Ruegger's the worst of the lot; and the directors, they just go through 'em from Boyer to Arons to Paden. How McClenahan's managed to hang on beats me."

Skippy: "What about Stoner?"

Slappy: "She's different. (reaches the door) When you come in try not to wake us."

Skippy: "Us?"

Slappy: "The bluebird?"

Skippy: "Oh, him."

Slappy: "You two are gettin' along, aren't ya?"

Skippy: "Oh, sure; I think of him as a brother." (Ruegger ref)

Slappy: "Okkay, then. Good night! *SLAM!*"

Skippy: "Um, back to you." (runs offstage) back to the alcove

**************************************************************************** *******

Over near the edge of the curtain, just outside the view of the audience, stands a lavender form. It's Leloni, natch. :) She's holding a clip board and a pen. Even though she's been in a frenzy attempting to keep things moving, she now seems well at ease. After all, to miss any appearance by her own mentor - Slappy Squirrel - would be a fate worse than taxes, er, death!

"Ahh," sighs the bunny. "Slappy is _such_ a genius. Course, that DuSable ain't bad either. (Sigh) I can only hope that I can be _half_ that evil someday."

Leloni winces as a small beeper clipped onto her waist starts beeping. She gasps and grabs the beeper.

"Man! If it's not one thing, it's another around here!"

The bunny quickly races away from the stage to attend to other matters before they become problems. :)

Keep 'em rolling, Nathaniel!

Leloni Bunny

**************************************************************************** *******

Before Nate has a chance to return to the stage, he's semi-mobbed by the contengant from the Carrotte Box.

"'Scuse me, Mister Freeman, but we're feelin' a tad left out," Nigel uttered. "After all you inititated a musical interlude, without invitin' us."

"Cardnal sin, if you ask me," remarked Lizbeth at her driest.

"I'll say. We coulda wowed 'em with Rue and Nige's new act," Lional added with a grin.

"So can we have a stint on stage?" Nigel asked with a smile, "or do we sic our new manager on you?" With that Nige indicated an incredibly lovely bespectacled white rabbit with an all too innocent look on her face.

Rottin Kid

**************************************************************************** *******

NTF: " *gulp* er, no, that won't be necessary, really. Heheh. Why, the only reason the Acmes were on before was because Buster & Babs were right there @ the time I needed to fill some time, &, well, y'all weren't. You- you think I'd have advertising from your label - not to mention your parents' businesses - on this show without wanting ya'll to perform something? No way! It just wouldn't be right without the Loonies contributing to the musical mix, & I'm looking forward to it. All you had to do was ask. And that's cardinal sin. I should know; it's Arkansas' state bird. Rue & Nige's new act, huh? I didn't know about that; finally tried to sing, huh? ;) And it was nice to meet you, ma'am. (thinks 'tho I didn't get her name') Just go get ready, & I'll introduce y'all. (walks away mumbling) Those Looney-tics; why couldn't they've crashed J.A.M.'s segment. Oh well. Wonder what it'll be, Bohemian Rhapsody? Naaah..." (finally back to the alcove, just in time) "In 1996 a trio of young noises hit Acme Acres with a vengeance. Not unlike their Liverpudlian fellow countrymen this family administered a badly needed shot of energy & vitality to our culture. Now expanded to a quintet with the addition of two spouses - yes, folks, I'm afraid they're all taken - this family band has been turning heads & minds, turning people by the dozen onto their brand of rock&roll. Here to perform a number from their debut album, will you make welcome The Bloomin' Loonies!"



The Loonies come out on stage, waving at the audience, as they move to their instriments.

"Thank you, thank you!" Nigel called, as the Loonies bowed to the thunderious applause. "I'm glad we're bein' included in the festivities, tonight. We've got somethin' special for you tonight, and I'm sure you'll enjoy it emencely."

(But that'll have to be continued, cos the werekitty's gotta go to work.)

**************************************************************************** *******

Lizzy began playing the intro on her synthizysers. Anybody who was familiar with the music of Sailor knew that it was the intro to "A Glass of Champagne", but when Rue started singing, one realized that they had modified the lyrics a wee bit.

"You've got the money, you've got the place," sang RuBarb.

"You've got the figure, you've got the face," added Nigel.

"Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne," they then sang in harmony.

Rue: "You've got the music, you've got the lights."

Nigel: "You've got the figure so full of delights."

Rue & Nige: "Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne.

Now I've been waiting much too long. For this moment to come along. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!"

Then Lizzy launched into a solo, displaying her skills with the keyboards, and their ability to sound like a niclelodian, at the time she needed them to. As the solo wound down, the whole band sang, softly: "A little glass of champagne."

Nigel & Rue (again): "I've been thinking night and day (Night and day). For this moment to be this way. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!"

Rue: "You've got position, you've got the name."

Nigel: "You've got the power to drive me insane."

Rue & Nige: "Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne.

Now I've been waiting much too long. For this moment to come along. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!"

Nige & Rue: "Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne.

Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne. Let's get together, the two of us, over a glass of champagne."

The Loonies: "A little glass of champagne."

The crowd went wild, and the Loonies bowed.

**************************************************************************** *******

NTF: "One of the major factors that the authors put into these stories is building upon the Warner canon, and coming up with their own elements, elements upon which other authors will hopefully build. Officially, Warners has been doing this from the very beginning, establishing the first of their own canon in 1930 with the first Bosko cartoon. Every time a new character was introduced, every time a new element was added - from Penelope becoming Pepe's co-star to Bugs going placid to Daffy turning mean - that canon was added to. This tradition has continued officially, even after the old LTs were 'retired' in the mid- '60's. In 1966 a character was introduced in Looney Tunes Comics, specifically in the issue titled 'Showdown At Carrot Gulch'; a character who has become established as the girlfriend for Bugs Bunny. 30 years later, in the movie Space Jam, another girlfriend for Bugs Bunny was introduced. I can think of no two more qualified to present the next award, Best Revelation That Has Become Canon. Here they are, Mary Margaret McPherson aka Honey Bunny & Lola Jane Bunny!"

The two fembunnies approach the stage as the band plays an intriguing mini-medley of A Taste Of Honey & the Space Jam theme.

Honey: "Well, here we are."

Lola: "And a very interesting situation this is."

Honey: "Considering some still don't know which of us is married to Bugs."

Lola: "Or if either of us is."

Honey: "I must say Danny Short did a fine job showing you as Mrs. Bugs."

Lola: "No more than the Withers bros. did with you."

Honey: "And in either case you have a daughter. By the way, where is Bethany?"

Lola: "Up there in the Carrotte box. She thinks she's babysitting Adam Jr., & Roberta thinks she's babysitting both of them."

Honey: "Bethany? Babysitting?"

Lola: "She thinks so. She is almost 6, you know."

Honey: "Oh my, where does the time go?"

Lola: "Tell me about it; watching my baby grow up-"

Honey: "Speaking of, Jessica's here, isn't she?"

Lola: "Yes, there she is with Bill."

Honey: "Buster's cousin."

Lola: "Yes, altho according to Lee Buster's your son."

Honey: "So your daughter is dating my son Buster's cousin, but not the daughter who would know Buster as my son, & meantime we're both married to Bugs."

Lola: "Confusing, isn't it?"

Honey: "Makes us sound like the Herod's"

Lola: "You think that's something. My aunt is-"

Honey: "My pen pal, & her business partner-"

Lola: "is now in-laws with us."

Honey: "Shh! People're not supposed to know that yet."

Lola: "It's not hard to figure out. Now, who's Lord Ambrose, that's the puzzler."

The Loonies had almost left the stage when they heard their families being referred to. Deciding they didn't want to miss a word they hang back in the wings.

Honey: "Let's not get too far afield. This conversation's weird enough without bringing in the mbs & stuff."

Lola: "Yeah, like that club where Babs is married to the Tasmanian Devil."

Honey: "Exactly. But here alone there's confusion all around."

@ this point Rue starts strumming a chord or two on her bass. Miranda crosses back to the drum set & joins in, all very softly.

Lola: "Let's see; Bugs-"

Honey: "-who's not Bug's-"

Lola: "-is Buster's-"

Honey: "-father?"

Lola: "Maybe, unless-"

Honey: "-he's his uncle?"

Lola: "Or there's-"

Honey & Lola: "-no relation."

Honey: "But some have thot-"

Lola: "-he's closer to Babs-"

Honey: "-even tho we've seen-

Lola: "-her father-"

Honey: "-and he's not Bugs."

Lola: "So are you Buster's mother-"

Honey : "-or are you his stepmother-"

Lola: "-or the mother of-"

Honey: "-his cousin's girlfriend?"

Lola: "Or was his mother Jessica?"

Honey: "She died in the '40's-"

Lola: "-or was it the '70's?"

Honey: "Then there's Buster & Babs."

Lola: "Meant to be together-"

Honey: "-or did she leave him for Mark?"

Lola: "And then there's the kids."

By now the rest of the Loonies have joined in, starting softly & gradually increasing the volume. All this time the music's been building, in the style of a certain Temptations song. They build to a climax.

Honey & Lola: "BO BUNNY, BAXTER BUNNY, STEVE & JENNY, KAREN BUNNY, JODIE PLAYED BY MORTIMER, BARBARA ANNE, BABS & BUSTER JR."

Loonies (finally joining in): "AND THE BAND PLAYED ON!"

All: "BALL OF CONFU-SION!!!!!"

Honey & Lola: "That's what fanfic is today!"

And the band fades back the volume & the cycle starts again.

Honey: "Now let's factor in the others-"

Lola: "As if it wasn't bad enough."

Honey: "Plucky's with Shirley-"

Lola: "-or is Fowlmouth?"

Honey: "And Hamton's with Fifi-"

Lola: "What of that girl from spring break?"

Honey: "The third Honey?"

Lola: "And what of Calamity-"

Honey: "-or Furrball."

Lola: "We've seen Plucky with Babs-"

Honey: "-Buster with Fifi-"

Lola: "-Plucky marries Fifi?"

Honey: "Weren't you with Pete?"

Lola: "Don't go there!"

Honey: "And what about the Mouse?"

Lola: "Does Gandra Dee come here?"

Honey: "Or is it Duck & Loon to St. Canard?"

Lola: "Do Mickey & Scrooge help?"

Honey: "Or is it another hostile takeover?"

Lola: "And is Shirley Daffy's daughter?"

Honey: "Shall we bring in the Warners now?"

Lola: "Just try to keep them out."

Honey: "Yakko likes Babs-"

Lola: "-and Dot likes Buster."

Honey: "But Wakko likes Babs too."

Lola: "Or he's paired with Marvin Martian's daughter."

Honey: "But then Yakko & Wakko-"

Lola: "-dated Fifi & Shirley."

Honey: "Then there's Fifi's-"

Lola: "Little purple book?"

Honey & Lola: "CHRIS PEW, WILLY WOLF, OLIVER OTTER - no, LANCE FREEBIRD, JAKE E'STINKY, JAMIE FOX & ALEX REDOLENCE-"

Loonies: "-AND THE BAND PLAYED ON!"

all: "BALL OF CONFU-SION!!!"

Honey & Lola: "That's what fanfic is today!"

all: "BALL OF CONFU-SION!!!"

**************************************************************************** *******

That little number over, the Loonies vacate after embracing their cousin & their mum's pen pal. Thunderous applause isn't mentined here as it's a given.

Honey: "Well, now that that's out of the way, shall we get down to business?"

Lola: "Let's."

Honey: "Very well. The nominees for Plot Revelation That Has Become Canon are-"

=============================================================

PLUCKY I didn't even know you could drive, Babs. You must be pretty good if your Mom lets you drive the car alone.

BABS Actually, Plucky, she didn't...

HAMTON (interrupting) Yeah. _Incredibly_ good!

BABS (preening) Well, yeah. Good? I'm grrrrrreat!

CLOSE-UP OF BABS'S (sic) FACE. A somewhat psychotic smile crosses Babs's face.

BABS Hang on and I'll show you some REAL driving!

BUSTER ...Do me a favour-the next time I ask you a ride, just drive away...

-"Babsie On Board" by The Association of Amateur Alt.TV.Tiny-Toon Net Writers-Sean Brandenburg, Christina M. Callihan, Julian Fong, Marc Hart, Julie Hazeltine, David Hungerford, Robert Jung, Kevin J. Podsiadlik, & Ken Weatherwax

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"Sure," said Buster as he took the keys. "Anything else?"

"Just dis. Don't let Babs drive. I know what she's capable of when she gets behind the wheel."

-"And That's a Wrap!" by Kevin Mickel

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"Well, hold it. There is one thing faster than a Road Runner, and that is my Caddilac (sic) with Babs here behind the wheel."

-"A Rabbit Out of Time" by Matt Bermann

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Babs: "So you're sure."

Chris (tossing the keys to Buster, and talking to Babs): "Just so long as _you_ don't drive, unless it's a _real_ emergency."

-"On the Road Again" by the HellCat

=============================================================

Lola: "Babs can't drive, originally put forth in the fanfic 'Babsie On Board' by the Association of Amateur Alt.Tv. Tiny-Toon Net Writers."

=============================================================

Babs looks around, but she can't find any of Buster's relatives in the church. Was it true that Buster was Bugs Bunny's son, and Bugs had gone to great lengths to hush it up?

-"Buster's Guide to Unconsummated Romance" by John Friedrich

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

With just a little trepidation, Babs opened the envelope and looked at Buster's birth certificate. "It's true", she said after a moment. "Bugs Bunny is your father."

-"What's In a Name?" by Kevin Mickel

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

...as he grabbed ahold of Babs hand and squeexed it hard. "Well, Dad," he whispered, "what are you gonna say?"

Bugs too was caught off-guard by the question, and it was several seconds before he answered. Very calmly, he said, "Buster Bunny is my son. When he was first preparing to attend the Loo, we decided together that it would be best for him to attend anonymously...."

-"And That's a Wrap!" by Kevin Mickel

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"Bugs, when everyone found out that you were my father, I was so preoccupied with what everyone else would think, that I didn't even stop to think about how you felt."

"Son, the only thing I felt was pride. I have waited a long time to be able to call ya son in public, and now I can. I have always been proud of ya, son."

"Thanks... Dad."

Bugs walked over, and leaned on the Buster statue, patting it on the head. "That's me boy," he said, "That's me boy."

-"Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Someone Blue" by Matt Bermann

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Buster felt slightly embarrassed. "Okay, I'm sorry, dad..."

Mary and Lola looked at each other, their mouths hanging open, before they both said, "'Dad'?!?"

Buster slapped himself on the forehead before Bugs did it for him. "Darn! That's supposed to be a secret!" he said through gritted teeth.

-"The Newcomer (The Acme Loo-Ney Beginning) by Lee M. Withers

=============================================================

Honey (proudly): "Bugs is Buster's dad in the B&B Trilogy by Kevin Mickel

=============================================================

"Well...what's up, Doc-Uncle?"

"Well...nephew..." Bugs said, surprising Buster as it was probably the first time in Warner history that Bugs ever called him that.

-"The Undiscovered Campus" by Zachary A. Zulkowski

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"Your father I take it," the fox replied.

"How did you guess, not that it's the secret that it once was. Bugs is a big star and he didn't want me to have to deal with it," Buster replied, shrugging his shoulders.

-"The Visitor" by Daniel Davis

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"You know the situation. Is there a chance that you are the father of Buster here?" Sally asked.

"Small chance. You see, me and a woman named Honey Bunny had a relationship but she took off fifteen years ago. There was something going around that she may have had a child and it might have been from me, but I can't confirm anything", Bugs said.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

"Rob, what was the result of the paternity test of Bugs and Buster?" Sally asked.

"Sally, there is no possible chance Bugs Bunny is the father of Buster," Rob said. Buster smiled. Bugs didn't have a discernible reaction.

-"The Old Classroom" by Kieron Wells

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Babs: I always thought Bugs was your dad.

Buster: I wish. He's a good mentor and easy to talk to but... Well, let's just say I'd like to know where my roots are from.

-"KITH" by Able DuSable

==========================================================

Lola: "And, 'Nothing is canon, d**nit!, suggested by Thorne."

Honey (under her breath): "Lol, I thot you wanted to take this one because you had no problem with that language."

Lola (also under breath): "I don't, but this wanna-be hack writer does."

Honey (still under breath): "Okkay. (out loud) And unlike some we could name, as the only toons on record as being college educated we know what a parenthesis means-"

Lola: "Namely, that what's inside the parentheses aren't to be read."

Honey: "And the winner is-" (opens envelope, reads with Lola) "Nothing is canon."

**************************************************************************** *******

With a sigh of relief, I wipe my brow and, deciding to get into the spirit of things, make my way up to the stage. After giving Honey and Lola a polite smile, I look out at everyone and say, "Well now, this is an award that I just *must* comment on. This may suprise many of you, but it one that I *whole-heartedly* endorse. Now, as you all know, I am personally convinced beyond a resonable doubt that, for example, Buster is Bugs Bunny's son. You may have also noticed that I have never clearly indicated who I think his mother is. I have strongly implied that it was Mrs. Bugs Bunny, which is a fairly logical assumption to make, but have never actually said so. To be honest, I always thought that this was the case, but then the Withers Brothers introduced me to Honey Bunny and threw many of my confortable assumptions into chaos. You may have also noticed the neither Honey nor Lola appears in any of my fanfics to date. But I have gotten off track here. Let me get back on it.

"The question of what is cannon WRT Tiny Toons I have always felt was pretty clear, the show itself. Things such as the various picture books, videogames, British comic books and so on I have considered to be apocraphal. Fanfics and notions from them should be considered, at best, psuedographical, and that this point, my metaphor starts to break down so I'll just abandon it. What I am driving at here is that every author should be free to develop his or own stories and ideas based upon the source material of the show, and do with it as he or she sees fit. No one author, not even, especially not me, should impose his own interpretaions of the material on other authors. Each of us must and should be able to go where we want to go on our own.

"Okay, I know, many authors have used my stories, or at least some of the concepts in my stories, as springboards for their own works. I am very flattered by this. And, while it is by no means forbidden, I am just saying that none of us should feel like we are bound to what someone else has done. As the two lovley lady rabbits pointed out for example, Jessica and Bethany Bunny are mutually exclusive. If everyone tried to make every fanfic fit together, we'd soon degenerate into what the old Sonic the Hedgehog series of fanfics on AOL's old "New Story Forum" folder degenerated into, a convoulted and wildly contradictory mass of confusion. A handful of old timers here will know of where I speak. And no, I am not saying they were poorly written, just terribly hard to follow and make sense of after a while.

"Having said all of that, while it is nice to know that occasionally an idea comes up that many folks here will glom onto and make it a more or less well accepted part of TTA lore, I do have to give credit where it is due. I *did* first get the idea that Buster was Bugs's son from Nefaria's masterpiece, "Buster's Guide to Unconnsumated Romance." This for me remains a true gem among fanfics, it introduced me to the whole concept of TTA fanfic, and it was Nefaria who introcuded me to the internet fan community in the first place. In other words folks, IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! :^)

"Seriously though, I will always be thankful that he introduced me to this wonderful community that has grown so much since that fateful first e-mail he sent me so long ago.

"And now, after all of that silliness that Honey and Lola did earlier about who is related to whom, I just can't get a certain old Grandpa Jones tune out of my head. I'm gonna go back to my seat now. I am sure Thorne, who is an incredibly talented artist, may wish to say something about his nominee rightfully winning the award, so I'll let him do so. Don't be surpriesed though if a wonderfully hillarious old Bluegrass tune suddenly fills the air.

"Hmmm... Last time I checked, this was still my mailing list, so I guess I can make just about anything happen...

"Ladies."

With that I walk back to my seat, waiting for the show to continue.

**************************************************************************** *******

As Kevin goes back to his seat, Lola and Honey are about to say something to on another when, quiet unexpectedly, a chorus of melodious harmony fills the room accmpanied by a the expert plucking of a 5 string banjo...

He's his own Grandpa...

Now! Many many years ago when I was 23,

I was married to a wider, who was pretty as could be!

This wider had a growed up daughter, had a hair of red,

My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.

This made my Dad my son in law and changed my very life,

My Daugher was my Mother, 'cause she was my Father's wife.

To complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy,

I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy!

My little baby then became the brother in law to dad,

And so became my Uncle, though it made me very sad.

For if he was my Uncle, that also made him brother,

Of the wider's growed up daughter who of course was my step mother!

I'm my own Grandpa!

He's his own Grandpa.

It sounds funny I know,

But it really is so!

Fer I'm my own Grandpa!

My father's wife then had a sone who kep him on the run,

And he became my grandchild for he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue,

Because although she is my wife, she's my Grandmother too.

I'm my own Grandpa!

He's his own Grandpa.

It sounds funny I know,

Though it really is so!

Fer I'm my own Grandpa!

(Banjo solo interlude interlaced with the following comments)

Whopee!

This is sure mixed up!

Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild.

And everytime I think of it, it nearly drives me wild!

For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw,

As husbund of my Grandmother I am my own Grandpa!

I'm my own Grandpa!

He's his own Grandpa.

It sounds funny I know,

But it really is so!

Fer I'm my own Grandpa!

Jones that is! Heh heh heh.

**************************************************************************** *******

A brown and tan mouse is kicked back in a chair, leaning precariously on two legs against the wall in a shadowy corner of the auditorium. Thorne, having been distracted from the actual awards ceremony by a chance to sketch Lola and Honey from life, is scribbling in his sketchpad. He is startled to hear his name come up.

Thorne: "Huh?!"

He straightens up suddenly and the chair falls with a crash, sending up small geyser of sketch paper and fur.

Fortunately, Kevin steps up to the stage, giving Thorne a chance to organize himself a bit.

Thorne crawls out of the jumble of chairs and feels around to locate his glasses. Once he can see, he scrabbles around some more, stuffing papers and pencils back into his sketchbook and straightening his natty Hawaiian shirt and smoothing down his fur. As "I'm My Own Grandpa" plays over the PA, he marches down the side aisle, simultaneously patting at his head, attempting to get his receding hair into some kind of order before going onstage.

Hurrying up the stairs, he trips on the edge of the stage and rolls to Lola's feet. Painfully, Thorne stands up. His head reaches approximately the height of Lola's collarbone and he stares at her for a moment, admiring her, um, gown. Catching himself, he quickly snaps his gaze up to her face, grinning sheepishly.

Lola raises an eyebrow at him.

Honey gently spins Thorne around and points him at the microphone.

Thorne: "Ummm.. Honey, Lola, toonsters, thanks for having me on the show! I'm honored to, aah, NOT be accepting this non-award tonight. I never thought my smart remark on the nominations ballot would actually win!

"Kevin, thank you for your thoughts on the subject of cannonicity. That was just what I meant. I don't think anything is truly absolute in Tiny Toons, not even what was seen actually on the show.

"I like a lot of the ideas that come up in fan fictions. Babs being a crazy driver makes sense. I also like Hamton and Fifi as a couple. I don't have a problem with Buster being Bugs Bunny's son, though I think that one is a good one to leave open for creative new ideas. For me, it comes down to this: If an idea in a fanfiction, picture, or episode stimulates your imagination, great, use it! If an idea gets in the way of your story, dump it! 'Course, there's a trick to that - you have to keep the characters recognizable and believable, something which so many of our authors are sooo good at .

"Anyhoo, thanks for having me on tonight, and thanks to the award winners who have mentioned me! And as a certified drooling fanboy, there's one other thing to say. (he turns back to Lola and Honey) Can I have your autographs? PLEEEEZE??"



-Thorne

**************************************************************************** *******

Cameraman: "...and we're clear!"

Lola (handing the page she'd just autographed to Thorne): "There you are. Now, next time watch your step."

Pleased beyond words, Thorne manages to find his way back to his seat. The fembunnies also leave, conversing as they walk back to their seats.

Lola: "Honey, I'm surprised I haven't seen you with the Riders tonight."

Honey: "They've been on the job, helping Sheriff Drywall keep an eye on Slocum & Charlie."

Lola: "And now they've left?"

Honey: "Temporarily. They're escorting those spud-mothering jackanapes back to Tumbleweed County Jail. Said something about stopping by @ the Grammys to pick up their award, too."

Lola: "Yes, I heard about that. Best Children's Album for Woody's Roundup; I got it for Bethany."

Meanwhile, back @ the alcove, the cell phone rings...

NTF: "Yes? Oh, hello, Lelo, heh. - Well, thanks; I've tried. I dunno how you guys do it. - What? - No, I missed what Slappy did after - Because your cousins accosted me, that's why. - No, but it's not ALL my fault we're running long. - I didn't dare; they had their manager with them, & I've seen enough cartoons to know it's the cute & innocent-looking ones you have to watch out for. - Yeah. - I liked Kevin's bluegrass number too, & I think Peter will appreciate it as well. - Well, Grandpa Jones got his start on WLW's Midwestern Hayride out of Cincinnati, as did Red Foley & a few others. - Yeah, I liked Grandpa; tho I'll never forgive him for dying on my birthday. - Yeah! - February 19th, 1998. -Mm-hm. So who's- I am?!? - Would you excuse me a sec? (pushes the hold button) OOOOOOOHH, I'M DYYYYIN'!!!! (pushes it again) Okkay, I'll do it. - Huh? - You want it finished when?!? - Would you excuse me another second? Thanks (pushes hold again) OOOOOOOHH, I'M DYYYYIN' AGAIN!!!! (and again) I'm back. - I know; I'd better get busy - Y'know, one time Roger Miller was going thru a dry spell in songwriting, Some friends of his finally locked him a hotel room & told him he couldn't come out until he'd written a song. When he came out he thrust the song @ them & said 'You want Earl Scheib, I can give you Earl Scheib, but- ' - Who's Earl Scheib? Never mind. - No, I don't know what the song was. - The point is, do you want it fast, or do you want it good? - 'Both', ha-ha. - Yes, I saw that pizza commercial; Jerry Jones & Deion Sanders. - Look, I really have to go; we're almost out of the commercial, & the next guest presenter has just arrived. - Well, I'd say he's quite a ham, but it'd be the wrong part of breakfast. - Oh! we're @ 30; I gotta go. - Huh? - With the deadline I have, I just might; cya." (hangs up)

cameraman: "...and we're on in 5-4-3-2-"

**************************************************************************** *******

Quite suddenly, all the lights go out in the auditorium. There is a murmer of discontent, but after only the briefest of moments, a spotlite shines down on the stage where Kevin is standing at the microphone.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, and Toonsters of all ages, I interupt this thread to make a very special announcement. Actually, two very special annoucements. First, I need to say that I have received the required number of ballots needed to insure that the daily list will continue.

***********************************

*The audience explodes with wild cheering! Multitudes of toons utter silent prayers of thanks*

***********************************

...meanwhile in the audience, as Kevin Thorne Honey & Lola return to their seats...

Babs: "Boo! Fraud! I demand a recount- *wha?* "

Buster rudely yanks her back into her seat, then stands glowering over her.

Buster: "Babs, I mean this like I've never meant it before: ROPE! IT!! IN!!!"

Babs: "Buster?"

Buster (deflating): "I'm sorry Babs, but that 'r' word..."

Babs: "recount?"

Buster (flinching): "Yes. You have to remember I have relatives in Florida. That word... you might as well have said (whispers) 'morph'."

Babs: "*gasp!* Oh Buster I'm so sorry! It's just that... I was sure that my driving was a lead-pipe cinch to win."

Buster: "I didn't know lead pipes had saddles."

Babs: "Very funny, Mr. Comedy. But it's not right. I mean, there's some fics where you're no relation to Bugs, but name for me one fic where I'm not a crazy driver!"

Buster: "Babs, everyone knows your rep with cars & accepts it - even Kevin & Thorne just endorsed it - but if someone wants to turn you into Ralph Nader in a fic they have that right."

Babs: "That's easy for you to say; your 'revelation' got some respect up there. Did you see Honey while she was reading the nominees, so proud & beaming up there? It was like she was wanting to scream, 'Yes, Buster is Bugs' and my son!', but-" Buster sees there's just one way to shut her up, & he does it. ;)

Buster: "There. Better now?"

Babs (dreamily): "Ohhh, yeeeaahh.... Umm, Buster, what say after the show we (whispers into his ear stuff which we're not able to hear)"

Buster: " *gulp!* uh, eh, ah, euh, ..."

Babs: "Oh come on, in some fics we're even married, & I can name 9 of our kids-"

Buster: "-4 of which were really your siblings in disguise."

Babs: "I still haven't gotten back @ Mortimer & the others for that."

Buster: "And I don't think you will, not with Robin looking out for him."

Babs: "So what do you want to do tonight?"

Buster: "The same thing we do every night, pinky; try to-"

Babs: "Rope it in. Seriously, maybe there's a fic you'd like to read or something?"

Buster: "Well, how about Plucky's Big Day? (Babs shakes her head) Okkay, how 'bout Li'l Imagination? (another shake) Stand-By Toons? (ditto) Alright, whadda you have in mind?"

Babs: "Quantoon Leap. We were gonna have over 100 kids after the end of that one."

Buster: "A hundred?!? Babs, you have no idea what having all that could do to you - & I know even less about it."

Babs (seductively): "I'm willing to take a chance- wait, who's that down there now?"

Buster (visibly relieved, looks down): "Oh, it's that cluck who filled in for Daffy once."

Babs: "Excuse me, Buster, I have a bone to pick with that corny cock."

Buster: "A chicken bone? And can you say that on- (looks up to see Babs moving toward the stage) Hey wait a minute! Babs! Come back here- (takes off after her)."