And we're back to the alcove again.

NTF: "Welcome back to the UKE Awards. Guess what, it's now officially the next segment, Occurrance Within a Plot Awards - & I'm still here! Due to popular demand - or the lack thereof - you're stuck with me as host for @ least the next 6 awards. Like I told my collaborators, be afraid, be very afraid. We're running long, so excuse me if I don't engage in the usual host banter & get right into the next awards, Best Running Gag, & Most Groan-Worthy Joke / Pun in a Fic. When you think of TTA in connection with the term 'running gag', only one ep comes to mind. Also, when you think about 'groaners', as they're called, only one ep comes to mind. They happen to be one & the same. Hosting that ep was the toon who will present our next awards, one whose jokes are so bad he gets his material from the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list. When he came in he asked me to direct him to the stage because he had to be out of town by sundown; falling into his trap, I pointed out that the sun had already set, to which he replied, "Fine, make it dawn".When he starts his act even the drums go out on strike & the rim shots become cluck shots directed @ him. Ladies & gentletoons, will you join me in making welcome (with a Bronx cheer) Henny Youngman!" And the above named chicken takes the stage to a smattering of applause, but just as many boos & Bronx cheers. Behind him sit two drum kits, Gogo & Wakko sitting behind them, sticks @ the ready for the inevitable rimshots.

HY: "Thank you. Whoa, what's this, was there a free bean supper & I missed it? Or is Eric Carmen in the house? Talk about a welcome, this is more like a sick-come, which is what people keep saying around me - don't ask me why."

audience: "Why?"

HY: "I told you not to ask me that. (as a clown in a jogging outfit runs past behind him) Anyway, to this next award- "

"HOLD IT!!"

It's Babs, & she's irritated about something. As she marches to the stage, Buster tries to hold her back.

Buster: "Whoa, Babs, stop, you're making a spectacle of yourself."

But Babs continues undaunted, stopping only to pull out an enormous pair of eyeglasses & drop them on Buster. Finally she closes the remaining distance & stands face-to-face with the rooster.

Babs: "Look, I've just gotta ask-"

HY: "Me too, but in your case would it do any good?"

Babs: "I'll do the jokes around here!"

HY: "I'd say that was one of your better ones."

Babs: "I'm trying-"

HY: "I'll say you are, very trying. But we like you anyway."

Babs: "WHY IS YOUR NAME HENNY? HENNY IS A GIRL'S NAME!!!"

HY: "My mother was a girl; I was named after her."

By this time Babs is drained & dumbstruck. HY's latest line catches her so off guard - & makes such perfect nonsense - that she's left with a crazy grin on her face that looks something like =X When Buster finally crawls out from under those eyeglasses & comes to drag her back to their seats, she doesn't resist.

**************************************************************************** *******

As Buster is leading Babs back to her seat, Leloni shoots out from under the skirting of the stage and approaches them.

"Pssst! Buster, Babs," she calls.

The duo turn around. Babs is still alittle shaken. "Huh? Wha?" she stutters.

"What's up, Lel?" Buster asks of the lavender bunny.

She responds by thrusting a copy of a fanfic into Babs's hands. "I couldn't help but notice that Babs was just the teensiest bit upset about the last award..."

"That's an understatement," noted Buster. Babs was just coming out of her daze and glancing at the stack of pages she'd been given.

"So," Leloni continued, "I raided the Fanfic page (http://members.aol.com/HKUriah/ Your one stop Toony shop of TTA Fanfics galore! It's the treat ya just can't beat and one quick click takes ya there.) and found a fanfiction where Babs *is* a good driver."

Babs's face brightens up immediately. "You did? I am? This is?" Both bunnies stare at the first page;

TINY TOON ADVENTURES DATE WITH DISASTER Fanfic by JON TURNER (FLOYDELTA@AOL.com)

"Whoa, I completely forgot about this one. Thanks Leloni!" Babs says.

Leloni grins. "No problem. Now, if you'll excuse me, gotta get backstage and keep it all going smoothly." She turns and darts away. Some muttering can be heard, "Henny Youngmen....of all the people he had to ask, it just _had_ to be that gag grabbing rooster. Oy!

Leloni Bunny

the lavender nightmare

**************************************************************************** *******

HY: "Well, that was pointless. It was also poitless for someone called pinky." *rim shot - Gogo*

HY: "But things like that are dangerous. What's a guy gotta do to get some security, grab a blanket?" *rim shot - Wakko*

HY: "How'd she get up here, anyway?"

Hamton (in the audience): "Practice!"

Fifi (next to him, as she slaps her forehead): "Sacre-" cut back to the stage

HY: "Well, if it isn't my old fiend the little piggy, & sitting next to miss 'oui oui oui' too. Why couldn't he've been the one that stayed home?" (clown jogs past again) "But enough with that; let's get to what we're here for. I'm here for scale, or $40,000 it's a bit of a gray area really. I gotta have a talk with Leloni about that. But I'm also here to hand out a brace of awards. And it's not a back brace either." *rim shot - Gogo*

HY: "The first award is for Best Running Gag." (clown jogs past) "...like my friend there. Y'know there's another Running Gag, but he's under contract to the Mouse. Even if he wasn't I don't think he could get on here; these political correctness restrictions are getting so out of hand there's some Rhode Island Reds I know whose jobs are on the block. Not to mention their necks, but that's another story." *rim shot - Wakko*

HY: "The nominees are:"

=============================================================

"We're...just fine, Bugsy," Honey Bunny said nervously, an unomfortable forced smile marring her otherwise pretty face. She turned to the smaller blue bunny strapped into the seat next to her. "Aren't we, Buster?"

"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." he repeated forlornly, gripping the armrests for dear life. Honey felt it best not to ask Buster any more questions...

At Bugs's remark, Buster recovered his wits only long enough to say, "Gower Gulch? I always thought Porky made that place up..."

"Naah, Buster, it's real enough, all right," Sam said. "An' speakin' of Gower Gulch, that's it dead ahead!"

Upon hearing that, Buster said, "IhateflyingIhateflyingIhateflying..."

"Eh, Sam," Bugs remarked, "ya coulda chosen _anudder_ phrase, ya know."

"Huh?...oh...ah _see_," Sam chuckled. "Sorry, Buster-'straight ahead'!"

...Meanwhile, Sam was trying his best to pry a still-nauseous Buster Bunny from the death grip he had on the armrests.

"Aww, come on, ya idjit rabbit, we've LANDED already!" Sam yelled.

At the sound of that miraculous word, an immediate change overcame Buster. "IhateflyingIhateflyingIhate...'landed'?" He literally leaped out of the seat and into Sam's arms. "YES! PRAISE THE LIVING LORD!!!" he shouted, kissing Sam full on the lips. "MmmmWAH!"

As Cyclone took of like the wind, dragging the two schnooks behind him over cactus, barbed wire fences, gopher holes, extremely sharp rocks, mudholes, etc., Buster was flying horizontally, holding on to the reins and laughing all the way.

"Man, I just LOVE flying!" he yelled happily, as the group headed into the sunset, and to jail, with Bugs getting in the last word:

"(Sigh)....Quit showin' off, Buster!..."

Sam griped, "If'n ah told ya oncet, ah told ya a thousand times- ya don't repeat yerself, varmint..."

=============================================================

HY: "Buster constantly remarking how he hates flying in 'Who's Minding the Mine?' by Lee M. Withers. Boy, now that's what I call a one- track mine." *rim shot - Gogo*

Cut to the audience, where Bugs, Honey & Sam are laughing up those clips, while Buster turns to a Cheshire-cat-smiling Babs with a "don't start!" look before she says a word.

=============================================================

Willy was in trouble again. Fifi had wrapped herself around the little wolf, showering his face and ears with kisses.

"Do not resist, mon petite wolf! Zhis was meant to be!"she exclaimed, assaulting him with another barrage of kisses.

Willy struggled helplessly, trapped by the sexy skunkette. Unlike their previous encounter in Paris, it seemed that there were no end credits to save him this time. His attention was attracted by a new sensation. Fifi was nibbling on his ear.

"Oh! Fifi, please ... stop," he protested mildly. Still wrapped in her long tail, he continued to struggle helplessly. "I hardly know *oh* you, please *ouch!*" That last nibble HURT! He renewed his struggles more forcefully as she began to constrict like an anaconda, crushing the life out of him. "Fifi, let go, you're hurting me!" he pleaded.

"Non! If you weel not be mine, zhen no one can have you!" she retorted nastily, a wicked glint in her eyes.

The pain was increasing. Fifi wasn't playing anymore. She was biting him as she tightened her tail, growling as she yanked at his ear.

"I do not zhink so, loon!" Fifi warned, grabbing his other arm protectively. "Zis leetle wolf, he ees mine!"

"Oui, vous are right. It ees okay, Willy, we forgive vous." Fifi said, hugging him.

Shirley followed suite. (sic) "Yeah, like, don't sweat it, or some junk. Sometimes we *all* get carried away." She hugged the little wolf as well.

"Like, I just got a totally mondo cool idea, Fifi! How about, like, whoever catches Willy gets to keep him, 'kay?" Shirley suggested.

Fifi was quick to respond. "All right, winnair take all!"

Fifi sashayed over to the table, wearing a sheep costume comprised of a small cap with ears, a slinky one-piece, and little mittens and slippers, all covered in wool. She smiled and batted her lashes at the hormonally charged wolf. "Bonjour, mon petite handsome wolf."

Instead of answering, Willy howled again, leapt to his feet, and began chasing the sexy skunkette around the table. She was giggling as she ran, slowing until he was nearly able to catch her, and then speeding up again.

Deciding that he was better off in the forest, Willy stayed in the woods, hiding behind one of the larger trees. Perking his ears, he heard someone approaching. "I am coming for vous, mon petite handsome wolf!" It was Fifi!

Scrambling up the tree, Willy edged out onto one of the higher branches just as Fifi LaFume came into view, prancing along at her usual leisurely pace. Looking around, she scratched her head. "I could 'ave swore zat zee wolf came zhis way."

Hearing the sound, Fifi turned around and saw him. Hearts trailing behind her, she rushed forward to catch her date.

"Willy! I 'ave you now!" she said, opening her arms wide.

Unfortunately...the branch shot back into place, catapulting the little wolf across the forest like a small, furry missile. Fifi watched, her heart sinking, as the wolf, screaming the whole time, faded into the distance. A few seconds later she heard a loud CRASH! Setting off in the direction he had been hurled, Fifi pranced into the forest.

Running in the opposite direction, he caught a glimpse of a lavendar tail in front of him. Fifi and Shirley had cornered him!

All the others looked surprised as Fifi stepped out, clad in a bright red gown. She looked as beautiful as Shirley! The two girls smiled, and each took an arm firmly, almost as if keeping the little wolf from escaping.

=============================================================

Cut to an uncomfortable Fifi, Shirley with a sour look, & Willy getting back-slapped by others in the MFLOFLF section.

HY: "And Fifi's constant advances, 'Sadie Hawkins Day' by Earl Allison. Wait a minute; Fifi's constant advances? Just her? I read that rag; Shirley did just as much advancing as she did, & they both kept coming on like a- well, I can't say it without threatening our 'G' rating. But you just didn't see that scene @ the pond, or read about the time Shirley invaded Willy's dream. It's like picking Bing without Bob, or Martin without Lewis. Sure, Fifi's a legend in boy chasing, but Shirley managed to hold her own in that series. What? Oh, move it along. Alright, but it all seems so- anyway, and the winner is - (opens envelope, reads) Fifi's constant advances, 'Sadie Hawkins Day' by Earl Allison. Now if we can just find Earl; he was here, posted something last April..."

**************************************************************************** *******

Thank you so very much! What more can I say, except to extend my thanks, and Willy's, too! Glad that people out there remember us, and enjoy the gag so much.

Willy would thank you himself, but he's still running as fast as his little legs can carry him :)

Again, thanks to all.

Earl Allison

**************************************************************************** *******

Cut to Henny @ the podium.

HY: "Was that it? No word from the characters or anything? I guess he's trying for the Joe Pesci acceptance speech award. Well-"

Fifi (from the audience): "WAIT! WAIT POR MOI!!!"

She comes barrelling up @ her usual excited-mode-type speed, with the usual acrid aftereffects.

Fifi: "I would like to zank all of vous who voted por moi, et also I would like to zank Monsieur Allison for writing zat story et introducing us to ze petite handsome wolf. Speaking of Willy, I wish he was here to share zis moment with moi, as well as Shirley; I must agree with Monsiour Young- homme in zat Shirley chased Willy in zat story as much as I deed; we deed have to share heem in ze end, non?"

The speech is interrupted by a disturbance from the MFLOFLF box. Camera cuts to show Willy's colleagues trying, through physical & other means, to get him to go up to the stage. This subsides when twin circles of lightning appear in the box & on stage, forming an apparent portal. A surge crackles from one end to the other, resulting in Willy finding himself on stage, courtesy of Alex Redolence.

Willy: "Wha-?"

Fifi: "L'AMOUR!!"

And she's all over him, again. But not for long; Shirley, taking in the situation, has hot-footed it to the stage & is grabbing Willy from the other side. This lasts until Willy, finally driven to distraction, gets an ominous red look in his eyes.

Willy: "That's- e- NOUGH!!!"

Which presages his transformation into Wolfzilla. The next minute, tho, a spark emanates from the portal on stage which strikes Wolfzilla in the forehead, knocking him out. The next minute Willy's back to normal, & back in his seat, out of harm's way.

Shirley (snapping her fingers): "Bummer! Oh well. I'm sure Willy would want to thank everyone involved er sum junk, especially his childhood friend Wanda who taught him how to do his first spin changes. As for me I'd like to thank Fifi for wanting to include me in this award. And I'd like to thank Earl Allison for those Willy Wolf stories, especially Wolfgoyles, in which I got a chance to co-star. That doesn't happen very often. And Earl, when do we get to work with Willy again?"

Fifi: "Oui; we never deed resolve ze dilemma he was een."

Shirley (to Fifi): "We might have to do the same things certain toons did in Fractured Images *wink* " Suddenly they're interrupted when they find themselves being swept off the stage courtesy of Henny Youngman, pushbroom in hand.

HY: "Thank you ladies for those those warm acceptance speeches. They give me a warm feeling in my chest, which I'm sure some Milk of Amnesia will help me forget."

Fifi: "Sacre Bleu! But we were not done yet!"

Shirley: "Yeah, like, this is a major bummer!"

HY (whispering): "Listen, there's an old show biz tradition: always leave 'em wanting more. You two are too late for that, but you still have the chance to get off before they start wanting to give you things. Things like rotten eggs, old tomatoes,-"

Shirley: "Eggs?!?"

Fifi: "Tomatoes?!?"

*TOING!!!* and they're gone, leaving HY alone on the stage.

HY: "Well, I shoulda done that before. Nothing gets to a carnivore like trying to change its diet."

**************************************************************************** *******

HY: "Anyway, before we get to the next award I've been asked to read something: (reads) for those who don't know, 'Waiting For the Clock to Strike Three' from 'How I Spent My Vacation' is really 'Piece-a-Cake' by Stephen Covello."

cut to the alcove

NTF: "What can I say? I went to a recital yesterday & heard a very familiar tune on the program."

back to the stage

HY: "Ye-ah. Maybe I should send a C.A.R.E. package of points to Schmeeman; it'd seem he could use all he could get. There's a saying about 'making a meal of it'; he's throwing a seven-course dinner!" *no rim shot this time* Cut to the drum sets where we find both drummers occupied. Gogo is necking with one of his drums; Wakko is eating one of his. Gogo looks @ Wakko with an expression of sickness shock & loathing.

Gogo: "How can you be such a FIEND!?!?"

Wakko: "*gulp!* I got hungry. *BRA-A-A-AAP*"

Gogo: "Ask Able & Harriet where the pizzas are."

HY: "Hey, you with the camera, could you put it back over here? Thank you. Don't want to ramble too much, & already we've done enough for 19 Allman Brothers family reunions. Anyway, moving on, I heard that Lel, & the reason I'm here is this next award. Who's more qualified than a 'gag- grabbing rooster' to hand out an award for Groan-Worthy Joke / Pun in a Fic? I mean I've laid so many eggs, & when you consider that an egg laid by a rooster can only hatch a cockatrice-"

Suddenly a big booming voice sounds from above a la Monty Python: "GET ON WITH IT!!!"

HY: "Right. Anyway, the nominees are:

=============================================================

"An idea hit him"- CLANG!

=============================================================

HY: "That - thing from 'Toon Wolf' by Earl Allison. Well, @ least that one was to the point, short & sour. I gotta tell ya, even that joke itself isn't too crazy about itself. It was so ashamed it's gone into hiding; I couldn't find it when I looked for it in that story. But I'll look some more, after I remind myself who Lawrence Talbot is."

=============================================================

"Bonjour," she said, spotting me.

"Yo. 'Sup?" I replied.

She giggled. "Wow, you're hot! Will you go out with me?" (Reminder: Fifi has no accent. What are you talking about?)

Later that day, Buster offered to take Lauren Rabbit home. Babs was in tears.

"I thought he loved me!" she sobbed.

I put my hand on her shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze. "There, there."

She looked up. "Oh, Big R! You are sooo cool!"

She jumped and kissed me on my cheek. "Hot cha cha!" I said. "Hot cha cha cha *hahahahah* !"

...She called out and suddenly an army of cyborgs were in the school! I couldn't handle this one alone.

"Toonsters! We must unite as one and fight these devils!" I shouted.

From everywhere, toons came out and began karate-chopping the evil bad guys.

Fifi did a tail thrash. Buster did a bunny-kick shabang. Plucky flew around and did nose-dives on 'em. Shirley blew stuff up with her powers. Furrball clawed them to death. Babs got out her pom-poms and whacked their heads together while cheering for the school to "Go team!" *hahahahahah*

"You there!" I shouted. "You are going down! Downtown, all the way!"

She laughed, obviously underestimating me. I took out my laser and shot her fingernails off.

"Gag! I need a manacure (sic) *hahahahah* !" she screamed. "This isn't over yet, Rex Powers!"

=============================================================

HY (emptying a can of air-freshener): "And that whole thing, 'A Really Bad Fanfiction' by Brooke 'Zuzu' Michelle. Well, @ least we can't fault it for violating the truth-in-advertising laws; the title was its own warning label. (opens envelope) And the winner is- An Idea Hit Him- CLANG! from 'Toon Wolf' by Earl Allison.

**************************************************************************** *******

The usual applause is evoked as the camera pans to the MFLOFLF box. Willy is @ first reluctant to make another trip to the proximity of a certain pair of girls, but we then see that their friends have restrained them. Reassured, Willy makes the trip to the stage.

Willy: "Well, thank you again. Two in a row, hah! As you can see, Earl is not here. He's already made his acceptance speech with the last award, & as the saying goes, he doesn't chew his cabbage twice. As Shirley said I'd like to thank Earl as well as everyone else involved in making a reality the fics in which I've appeared. And I'd like to thank my old friend Wanda, without whom I'd never've learned to master even the most elementary spin changes. It was only because of her that I got good enough @ being toony to be accepted @ Acme Loo, & I'll always be grateful to her. (bows head for a moment) In conclusion, I'd like to thank Earl for something else, for showing people that toon wolves aren't just predators, that we're just as able to be everything a cartoon might require as any other animal. Since the Toon Wolf series, others have come forward to show fellow canine / lupines in a positive light; I'm thinking in particular of Zachary A. Zulkowski's Held @ Bay fanfic, of which I printed a hard copy almost as soon as it came out. I continue to have faith that one day the species stereotypes will be overcome, & all of us - rabbit, duck, pig, whatever - will be seen by one & all as equals in all genres, in all roles. Thank you one & all."

Thunderous applause @ Willy's moving oratory. A sheepish Henny Youngman, tossing the notes for jokes he was going to make re. the traditional chicken-wolf dynamic, approaches Willy to congratulate him.

HY: "Well, kid, I don't know what to say. They like you. I must say I agree with you wholeheartedly; & I mean that sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. (looks @ the audience) I kid around a lot, folks, but right now I'm as serious as Danny Tomcat when he's talking about St. Trude's Hospital."

Willy (noticing HY & licking his lips): "Mmm, chicken..."

HY (nervous): "Wha? wh-what about all you were saying, about all toons being equal, & ending species stereotypes & all that?"

Willy: "Hey, as Hunter says, some habits die hard."

And with that he opens his mouth really wide. HY, fearing for his life, makes a hasty exit, stopping only to knock @ the back door-

HY: "Good-bye, good-bye! Who was it?" - and off he goes. Cut to an hysterical Willy.

Willy: "Well I had to do something to get him out of here. Any more of those tired old jokes & I was gonna have to throw myself on the mercy of John! (audience laughter) Well, to quote Yakko, (blows a kiss) Good-night everybody!"

Standing ovation as Willy returns to his seat.

**************************************************************************** *******

The stage remains empty for a prolonged period, interrupted only by two incidents. In a final nod to the running gag concept, a tiger wearing a green beret is seen walking past in the background as a jazz bass guitar plays a riff from a certain 1968 song by the Clingers; followed a few seconds later by someone sticking his head thru the curtain, one Emmitt Nervend (don't ask). As the minutes pass the audience grows increasingly restless. Finally NTF comes to the stage, to a smattering of polite applause.

NTF: "Ladies & gentlemen, I apologize for this long, long, LONG delay. You might wonder why it took so long, as well as what I'm doing here on the stage instead of in my alcove. Well, the fact of the matter is I was under the influence of an affliction that sooner or later affects all writers: writers block (hopefully this is sooner & now it's out of the way). You see, the hardest part of hosting this program I have found to be selecting the guest presenters. That is especially true on this next category, Best Obscure Pop Culture Reference. Who to get? The title itself implies that which has been forgotten by most. Well, I looked thru TTA & other WB shows & couldn't decide on anyone. At one point I was going to have Colin (Randy Beaman's friend), Katie Ka-Boom, & Charlton Woodchuck do the honors; what was I thinking. Finally it occurred to me that with all the obscure refs I've been dropping in (someone out there really's never seen that pizza commercial?) I should do it myself. Why not; I could talk about wearing Jordaches, listening to Men Without Hats, & sucking on a Velamint while waiting for Automan to come on; & most of you wouldn't know what I was talking about. All these things have been buried by time like the Arch Deluxe (& hopefully New Coke). So before I get nominated for some Costner-Cameron production delays award, I'll be winging it on handing out this award (& stepping well back when the winner & / or winners come). Without further-"

voice: "Did someone say 'wing'?"

NTF: "What?"

camera cut to show Tweety on the stage, flying to the podium in his inimitable fashion.

NTF: "What're you doing here?"

Tweety: "Well, you've been watching our show; you know we weally pack in those obscuwe wefs."

NTF: "Yeah, I know; I still don't know what an 'e ticket ride' is. And neither do my parents."

Tweety: "Well, what can I say but keep asking."

NTF: "Right. Well if you'll excuse me I have an award to present."

Tweety: "Well, I'm hewe to hewp with that."

NTF: "Fine. The nominees are-"

=============================================================

"Ladies and Gentlemen, a toast!" He then lifted up his glass, prompting the others to do the same. "To the undiscovered campus!"

This caused quite a bit of a murmur to go around the table.

Roddy sensed everyone's puzzlement.

"To the future! Our two schools being united, each campus being undiscovered by the other."

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The New-Acme students were piled into the car, Roddy rolled down the window.

"Nice big campus you have here." Roddy said.

"Not as big as some of it's newer students." Buster replied.

This made Roddy chuckle. He then sat back, and motioned to the driver.

"First star to the right, straight on till morning!" And with that the limo drove off.

=============================================================

Tweety: "The entire story 'The Undiscovered Campus' by Zachary A. Zulkowski."

=============================================================

The girl Babs pointed out had deep black hair, was wearing all tight black leather, pitch white face makeup with black face paint around her eyes making a multi sided design around her left eye that a thin part of extended across her forehead. She had dark purple lipstick on, red eye contacts and six inch black painted fingernails. She also had several facial piercings.

She was the weirdest looking girl at the school and Monty had never seen her around before. He didn't like what he was seeing right now.

"No! Not that!" Monty yelled.

"Why? It's not like you're going to do any better," Fowlmouth declared.

"She looks like a reject from Kiss!" Monty yelled.

=============================================================

NTF: "Eve Ill's attire in 'Wicked Ways' by Kieron 'Dark Helmet' Wells."

=============================================================

Suddenly, Babs popped her head back into Ramona's burrow. "Oh here. This is for impersonating my mother," and she dropped a bundle of sputtering dynamite at Ramona's feet.

"David..." muttered Ramona as the fuse ran out.

=============================================================

Tweety: "'David Hasselhoff' in 'Buster & Babs: Relation' by Don Speirs, Rebecca Littlehales, Kevin Mickel & Mike Cote; edited by Kevin Mickel."

=============================================================

"...I tried everything, shotguns, anvils, bombs, Acme products, a visit to the Northern Territory. But nothing works, it's impossible for something capable of killing us to exist here, we can't die and we can't kill. There is no way out."

=============================================================

NTF: "And 'Northern Territories' in 'Up the Duff' by ? the Platypus / David Formosa."

Tweety: "And the winner is- (reads with NTF) "'David Hasselhoff' in 'Buster and Babs: Relation' by Don Speirs, Rebecca Littlehales, Mike Cote, & Kevin Mickel; edited by Kevin Mickel."

**************************************************************************** *******

With a faint smile on his face, Kevin again makes his way up to the stage. After murmering a quick thank you to the presenters, he turns to the audience.

"Well, thank you. Thank you very much. This story was a lot of fun to write, and while I did personally write the winning gag, I can't take all the credit for it. Ramona Rabbit, as you all should know was created by Mike Cote for his classic fanfic, "Aw, Have a Heart!" and at the end of that story, it was rumored that she had gotten a job on Baywatch after leaving Acme Acres. Then, early in this story, Mike did have Ramona thinking about, "that Hassellhoff guy," so it just seemed to be a good idea to me to bring it full circle. That, and I must point out again that while it is the offical follow up to my own Buster and Babs Trilogy, the whole idea for this specific story came from Don Speirs so he deserves the most credit. I was lucky to work with them, and to come up with such a good story. Thanks guys.

"Mike of course is unable to view these ceremonies, getting only once a month reception, so I have forwarded the award and this response to him. If he cares to make a comment, I will post it here on his behalf.

"Thank you again."

With that, Kevin returns to his seat, waiting to see what will happen next.

**************************************************************************** *******

just-returning-to-the-awards-Riders In the Sky: "What will happen next?"

Cut to the alcove where NTF has now returned.

NTF: "Thank you for that distraction, Riders. And now - "

He then pulls a rope. A second later, a safe suddenly falls on Tweety. Followed by an anvil. And a 16 Ton weight. And a steamroller. And the Queen Elizabeth II. And the space shuttle. And a small planet with rings. Seconds later, the whole collection explodes; in the aftermath, a charred & dazed bird collapses. Cut back to a sadistically grinning NTF.

NTF: "Gratuitous? Perhaps; but after all the abuse Sylvester has undergone - especially in the '90's series - I felt it was time for a little payback. Besides, he's a toon; he'll be allright by the time we cut back to him. Anyway, on with the Awards. To co-present the balance of the awards in this segment is a toon who can explain, duplicate & create all manner of special effects; a toon skilled in numerous sciences; a toon who - both on television & in fanfic - has actually taught school; a toon who - in short - is the perfect choice to help me bring this segment to a long overdue conclusion, especially given the fact that he is not noted for his patience. Ladies & gentlemen, may I present one who is destined to rule the world, someday; Mr. John Jimmy Bubba-Bo-Bob Perkins Brainzlowski!" Cut to the stage. Brain approaches the podium, in his human suit.

Brain: "And I will rule the world, YYYEEEESSSS!!!!! But not tonight. Tonight I am honored to participate in this bit of mawkish ceremony. It is an indication of my relative importance that I am co-presenter of at least three awards tonight. The first of these awards is for Best Special Effects. To assist me in presenting same is one whose level of intelligence is one of the few to match my own, at least in some areas. From his secret laboratory - and no, I do not refer to Dexter -"

Freakazoid (also just returned to the ceremony): "Well, I would hope not! There's only room for one Dexter boy genius on this show!"

Brain: "Cease this inanity and depart this dais, anon!"

Freakazoid: "Umm, okkay." (departs for the audience, for now)

Brain: "Ahem, as I was saying, from his secret laboratory somewhere in New Mexico, this man's genius has spawned a team of super-heroes that is second to none. Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. William Shepherd."

The Master from Road Rovers approaches as the Road Rovers theme plays. Brain notices something about him.

Brain: "If I might be so bold as to inquire, how do you perpetrate that luminescence in your ocular members?"

Master: "Special effects." (rim shot)

Pinky (from inside Brain's suit): "Wahahah! Oh, this drum machine you installed is fun, fun, silly-willy, Brain!"

Brain (to Pinky): "Silence, Pinky!" (looks back at the Master) "You might find it odd that I talk to myself. Actually-"

Master: "Actually you and your friend in the suit are two lab mice bent on world domination, yes, I know. Weren't you in Sunnydale Sanitarium with Capt. Storm & Dr. Atwater?"

Brain (flustered): "Enough of this drivel! Let us execute that purpose for which we have come."

Master: "Very well. After you."

Brain: "As it should be. The nominees are - "

=============================================================

300...200...100 feet. As the locomotives descended upon the station platform, the thunderous pounding of the diesel engines reverberated off the stolid walls, and the dim interior of the area brightened under the glare (of) the lead locomotive's headlight.

50...15...5 feet. The steel bumper at the end of the track was little match against the onslaught upon it.

*****WHAM!!!!!*****

The Silver Smudge reached the end of the line, and kept moving forward. The locomotives each took a short hop as their pilots, trucks, and fuel tanks were sheared off from under them by the concrete platform. On they came, through the glass wall separating the platform area from the interior of the station, and into the rear wall of the gift shop.

From inside the gift shop, the cinder block wall imploded violently as the locomotives crashed through. Merchandise and shelves alike offered no resistance; they were tossed high off the floor like toys. The hung ceiling of the shop proved too low for the merciless locomotives, and now their roof components tore a rough channel in it. Ceiling tiles, ventilation duct grills, and florescent (sic) light fixtures were ripped down in a shower of sparks.

The locomotives continued their remorseless ride, through the glass front of the gift shop. A florescent (sic) sign did hang over the entrance, until it (and the part of the wall it was fitted onto) was torn off in an explosion of sparks.

The Silver Smudge's baggage and Pullman cars followed the locomotives into the station. Being considerably lighter than the locomotives, however, they rode the pile of twisted and broken steel deposited by the locomotives like a ramp, and careened mid-length into the station's gift shop. They quickly slammed to a rest, with one end of the Pullman sleeper entered *inside* the end of the baggage car like a letter sticking out of an envelope.

The locomotives continued to slide forward, one behind the other, up the short concourse leading to the vaulted lobby. Three people - a guard and two civilians - caught out in the open, now ran for their lives well ahead of the advancing engines. For a short distance, the gift shop's sign sat dead and misshapened on the nose of the lead locomotive like a blindfold, before slowly falling off to the side. Under the crushing weight of the locomotives, large chunks of marble floor facing were being plowed up and pushed ahead of the engines, leaving a wide furrow behind.

Directly in the path of the rampaging locomotives were two stone pillars that stood like sentries at the entrance of the concourse. Their momentum diminished but not exhausted, the locomotives plowed through one of the pillars, leaving the top third of it hanging like a stalactite from the ceiling. Still they continued on. When the lead locomotive just stretched her full length into the lobby, the spent machines finally came to a rest.

=============================================================

Master: "The final crash scene in 'Silver Smudge' by Paul R. Zook / Peter Bunny."

=============================================================

"you have all been personally selected by myself and the faculty to participate in History 3000. This course will be the most difficult and challenging one in your lives. It will be both extremely dangerous and extremely rewarding. We'll be studying the important points in history and then living them in the past. So study hard - your lives may depend upon it."

BUUZZZZZAAAAAAAAPPPP!!! BOOOOOM!!!

What seemed to be a tremendous bolt of lightning struck the ground somewhere outside the mansion and the flash of llight lit up everyone's scared faces for a second. Then the lights returned. Everyone was startled, most of all the four faces who were now peeking through the stage curtain, whom everyone was now looking at. They were young male toons, all with black moppish hair. They spoke with Liverpudlian accents.

=============================================================

Brain: "The time travel in sundry portions of 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK."

Master (aside to Brain): "Don't believe in abbreviations, do you?"

Brain (aside to Brain): "I do not; proceed with the next nominee."

Master (rolling eyes): "Yes, sir!"

=============================================================

The stern remained vertical and motionless for what seemed like minutes but in fact was less than 60 seconds, then settled back slightly and began sliding forward - slowly at first, then picking up speed. So fast had she glided that as the sea closed in gently over the flagstaff on the tip of the stern, a slight gulp could be heard. Four reports sounding like gunshots came from somewhere within the _Titanic_ just as she disappeared beneath the surface. By 2:20 she was gone.

=============================================================

Master: "'They Had Each Other' by Paul R. Zook / Peter Bunny."

=============================================================

The light from the copyplate had become a pillar rising up to the heavens, disrupting angelic traffic for miles around Acme Acres. Buster and his friends couldn't see anything and were fored to avert their eyes on account of the brightness. (Except for Plucky who had produced a set of welder's goggles from someplace and looked quite smug about it.)

Without warning, radiant pseudopods erupted from the pillar and snared all of the clones and dragged them screaming into the light. There was a final sudden burst of illumination before the cycle ended with an anticlimactic 'DING'.

The light was gone.

The clones were gone.

=============================================================

Brain: "'Multififity' by Able DuSable."

=============================================================

Just at that moment, a gust of wind knocked the antenna out of its perch. As it fell, it was struck by lightning.

Inside the cavern, Babs consulted a huge, dusty, book. "Ah, here it is." she said "Cliche 1296. Scientific experiment struck by lightning, causing adverse effects." She slammed the book shut, and threw it away. The machine started to rumble from the power surge.

Suddenly, Buster started to glow. There was a blinding flash of light, and he was gone.

The creature held up it's arms. "THIS! Wackyland is dying, and you are the cause."

"What did I do?"

The creature morphed into a very young Bugs. It spoke with Bugs' familiar accent.

"Ya traveled through time, dat's what!"

The creature morphed again, this time into Wile E. Coyote.

"Let me explain. You DO know what a paradox is, don't you?"

"Umm, sort of."

The creature sighed. "A paradox is an apparently contradictory set of circumstances, that by nature, cannot exist. Most are simply mistakes, but others have remained unexplained. Your time travel has caused a paradox, and it is destroying reality. History dictates that you didn't survive the time transfer, and your apparent survival has caused a tangent of the timeline that is destroying both realities. From where I stand, I see two options."

"Well, what are they?" asked Buster, not really understanding.

"Well, you can either transport back to the exact moment you left, thereby destroying the current two timelines, and creating a third where neither event happens, or I wil be forced to kill you. This continuity between the two current two timelines should cause them to rejoin, and correct the problem."

"Yeah, but then I would be dead, and from where I stand, that is a MAJOR con."

"Well, it would seem that the choice has been made. You will travel back to the exact moment that you left, and destroy the current two realities. Hopefully, the third timeline will evolve correctly."

"Hopefully?"

"Well," said the creature, taking out a calculator, "I predict a thirty seven percent chance that the arrival of you back in your own time will complete the paradox, causing the universe to implode instantly."

=============================================================

Master: "And 'Rabbit Out of Time' by Matt Bermann. (opening envelope, reads with Brain) "And the winner is - the time travel in 'ATTEPUH' by PepeK."

**************************************************************************** *******

* Dr. Lord, Andy Fox, Wile E. Coyote and Pepe K. arise and cross up to the stage and the podium*

Pepe K.: Thank you very much for this award! Sorry to make this so brief, but I have to do a performance this evening, so I'll leave this in the overly capable hands of these legendary geniuses.

Brain & Wile: Correction - SUPER GENIUSES!

Pepe K.: ...Another reason I feel slightly outclassed. Thank you Brain, Dr. Shepard. *shakes hands with them both*

Pinky:(muffled inside Brain's human body machine) You're welcome! Narf!

Brain:(aside) Quiet Pinky! *his foot stomps Pinky's head, unseen*

Pinky: OOF!.. OOoo! Ha HA ha! Thanks, Brain! ZORT!

Pepe K.: Pardonez moi Brain, but is that a mouse in your pocket or are ya just glad to see me?

*the audience cracks up as Brain does a slow burn. The others smirk and chuckle*

Brain: Actually, I'm suprised that no one has used that adolescent joke in this situation before.

Andy Fox: Well you must admit it's rather apt in this case.

Pepe K.:( ducking out) On that note, I'd better get going!

*He waves and makes his exit amdist the applause*

Andy Fox: You noticed that one of the examples given was not of Time Travel.

Dr. Lord: Indeed I did. That was Dimensional Travel - rather like going sideways, rather than forward or backward in time.

Wile: That was your attempt to put Andy back togerther, wasn't it?

Dr. Lord: Yes. Unfortunately, the results were not satisfactory ones. The effect was sadly temporary.

Andy Fox: Quite. I'm still stuck between Reality and the Tooniverse. My human self remains there and my toon self remains here - separated by my conciousness.

Wile: Perhaps your assigment wasn't the best of decisions all those years ago.

Brain:(Seeing an opportunity) And where was your Dimensional capsual? Out on the lawn that night?

Dr. Lord: I don't use a traveling chamber. The device is a permenantly affixed unit.

Brain: That's absurd! How could you possibly return from your destination without taking the apparatus itself along with you?

Dr. Lord: By controlling the unit via mental telepathy from dimension to dimension.

Brain: Telepathy! Bah! That's equally impossible!

Wile: For the brain of a mouse, perhaps.

Brain: What!? How dare you insult my species, Sir!

Wile: Well perhaps if you weren't a diminutive, herbivorous rodent and were, at least an omnivourous canine or vulpine, then your cerebrum might be large enough to be capable of such higher brain functions.

Brain: ARRRRRRHG!!!

* Brain begins chasing Wile E. all around the stage clumsily in his human suit in an attempt to grab him. Wile E. evades him easily, laughing constantly*

*the audience laughs*

*Dr. Lord, Andy Fox and Dr. Shepard watch with amusement*

Andy Fox: So much for the meeting of the minds. By the way, Doctor -

Lord & Shepard: Yes?

Andy: Well, uh actually I was going to ask this of Dr. Lord... although your "Trans-Dogrifier" machine is certainly of note, Dr. Shepard.

Shepard: Why thank you. By the way, I think you'd make an interesting new member of the Road Rovers.

Andy Fox: Thank you! That could be interesting... *smiles at the thought of working with Colleen* -Anyway! Dr. Lord, Will we be seeing more of the operations of your Time/Dimensional Displacement Aparatis? "BZZZZAP-BOOM" doesn't tell us much of how it works, you know.

Dr. Lord: Oh yes. in order to aclimate the Toonsters for Time Travel into Reality, we'll be making a field trip to Reality, quite soon. As a matter of fact, I'd like you to assist me in the operations yourself.

Andy: I'd be glad to.

*Brain chases Wile back across the stage. *

Brain:Come back here, you mangey excuse for a intelligent being!!

Wile:At least I was paired with a partner worthy of me. Not like some.

Pinky: (muffled) ..I resemble that remark! Poit!

Wile: I ment your OTHER partner! *pulls aside the curtain to reveal -*

Elmyra: What are you doin' outta your cage! You naughty-waughty big-head Mousie!

Brain: AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! Quick, Pinky! It's the Imbecile! RUN!!!!

*Pinky and the Brain and Elmyra chases each other around the theatre.*

Dr. Lord: A final note to you all - It happens to be the birthday of a dear friend of ours this weekend, so I'd appreciate it if we can all sing Happy Birthday to him (and most likely embarrass him.)

*leads everyone in singing "Happy Birthday" to Porky Pig*

*wild applause, Porky blushes alot as a huge Birthday cake is brought in A very cute,buxom, bikini-clad Petunia Pig bursts out through the top*

Petunia: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PORKY!

*All males in the audience do wolf-whistles*

;)

**************************************************************************** *******

The latest batch of pointless music over, we again go backstage to see Brain (& Pinky) finally returning to his spot on the stage, where the Master has hung around, waiting to bid his colleague good-night.

Master: "Oh, there you are!"

Brain: "Yyyeesss!!! I finally managed to dispatch the Oaf."

Master: "Might I ask how?"

Brain: "You may, and suffice it to say that her last conscious thought was of reaching the furry puppy dog kingdom."

Master: "Oh. (stifles a grin) Well, this is it for me, so I'll say good-night to you, and leave."

Brain: "Professor Shepherd, before you depart, may I inquire as to whether you have ever considered the concept of mouse-sapiens?"

Master (again stifling a grin): "Good-night, Brain." (leaves)

Brain (thinking out loud): "Hmmph. Thinks he's so smart. The Master indeed, bah! Soon he shall call ME master, & all of his cano-sapiens will do MY bidding - (notices the camera on him) - eh, The next award is for Best Class not found on the original series. The nominees are-

=============================================================

"You see, I had to make Margot think she'd put me out of action long enough so that it appeared I wouldn't be playing tonight; and the success of that plan hinged on whether or not Perfecto had added 'Toon Physics' to their curriculum."

=============================================================

Brain: "'Toon Physics', introduced in 'Hoops Du Jour' by Jerry D. Withers,"

=============================================================

Bugs rose from behind the desk wearing a blue satin evening gown and opera gloves. Babs eyes became huge and she grinned maniacally sideways, but Buster didn't react at all.

"Wa-wa-wah?" Babs stammered as Bugs stuffed his ears under a long blonde wig.

"Save dat for 'Extreme Takes 111', Babs - dis is 'Vaudeville 101'! Now dat yer technically adults, I can teach ya all my Burlesque gags. ....Whatssamatta? I can teach ya anyting a woman can!" - Part 4, Chapter XIII

=============================================================

Brain: "And 'Vaudeville 101' in 'A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven' by PepeK. And the winner is- (opens envelope & reads) - 'Vaudeville 101'."

**************************************************************************** *******

*A Gorgeous lapine figure slowly sashays out onto the stage with Pepe K. on her arm. Her face is hidden behind a large feathered hat, her tight-waisted shimmering gown showing luxurious lines and her long silky legs are clad in red fishnet stockings and high-heeled platform shoes. Pepe K. looks quite pleased as they cross to the podium.*

*Men whistle at the Rabbette from the audience*

Pepe K.: Thank you very much, Brain! And thank you to NTF too, for this award. :) You know, the basics of the Merry Melodies and Looney Tunes cartoons had their basis in the Vaudeville Theatre world of the first half of the past century - Slapstick, Songs and Low Comedy were the mainstays in it's retinue of entertainment. Isn't that right, honey?

*His beautiful companion nods underneath her hat and an oh-so-cute feminine voice says*

The Rabbette: Why yais! Aren't you the clevah one! *She tickles both Pepe and Brain with her feather boa*

Brain:(blushing and quite taken with her) Uh..ha..huh...Please.. young lady, we're.. um trying to do a show here.

The Rabbette:(giggles) Oh Pshaw! Ah wouldn't wanna upset your lil' ol' production, you cute lil' Master of Cerimonies, you!

Brain: (laughs, embarressed) Well, thank you Miss..heheh.. nature seems to have been, uh...unusually kind to you!..heh...

*The Rabbette tilts her head up and we see that it's really Bugs smiling through his lipstick at a very shocked Brain*

Bugs: Tanks, Doc!

Brain: ( pulling off Bugs' wig and hat) Wait a minute! You're the Rabbit in disguise! Off with it, you Trickster!

*Elmer Fudd stomps out from stage left with his shotgun*

Elmer: Heeeeeey! That's MY Wine! *aims his gun at Brain*

Bugs (shedding his disguise) You've got him dead ta rights, Doc. Would ya like ta shoot him here or wait till you get home?

Daffy: (leaps out from stage right) Shoot Him Now! Shoot Him Now!!

Brain: Now wait just a minute! This is an Awards Show! This is going too far!!

Pepe K.:(smiling) No, this is Vaudeville! *THIS* is Going Too Far! *indicates Elmer*

Elmer:( Throws his gun offstage - there is a loud BANG as the gun goes off and The Crusher falls out onto the stage, his face blackened with soot from the gun*

The Crusher: Just passin' by. duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh....*he collapses*

Elmer:(indicates stage left) Wadies and Gentlwmen! Pwesenting Miss Wowa Bunny - and her wuvwee Bubble Dance!

*cheers and wolf-whistles from the audience as Lola appears from the wings and poses - wearing nothing but a large translucent balloon. Lola smiles as she holds the balloon just right to conceal herself as she blithely dances to a brassy version of "Frankie and Johnnie". All the males in the audience turn into wolves and howl at her, hit themselves with mallets, bang their heads on the furniture, eat the seat cusions and pant and drool wildly! Lola dances with artistry, never revealing her body - just her bare arms and shapely legs - she always covers herself deftly with the balloon*

* ...Until! - a toon Harpo Marx in the audience shoots the balloon with a pea-shooter and pops it! Lola is revealed wearing a barrel around her body. She screams and runs offstage*

*Daffy crosses to the podium*

Daffy: And what Vaudeville classth would be complete without thsome classic Vaudevillian comicsth (like ME!) - Ladiesth and Gentlemen! Two old friendth of ourth!-......Babbot and Catstello!

*audience applauds as the two black cats - one tall and thin - the other short and tubby, make their entrance*

Catstello (the tubby one): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYY BABBOT!!

*audience laughs*

Babbot(the thin sharpster): Suppose you walk into a resturant and a waiter brings ya two plates - On one side, a thick juicey steak and on the other side- a platter of beans. Now which one would you eat?

Catstello: I'd eat the steak.

Babbot: You'd eat the steak?

Catstello: I'd eat the steak!

Babbot: You know where that steak comes from?

Catstello: A Cow?

Babbot: A Cow!

Catstello: I hope!

Babbot: Ya hope!...You know what that cow gives?!

Catstello: Milk!

Babbot: That cow gives milk!

Catstello: No she Don't - you gotta take it away from her!!

*audience laughs and applauds as Babbot slaps Catstello around*

Catstello: OH! I'M A BAAAAAAAAAAAAD PUSSYCAT!

*They exit admist great applause and laughter*

Daffy: Thank you! Thank you!

Brain: (aside) What a relief! At least the gun gag is over...

Pepe K. Yeeeees! (smirks) Thanks very much for this award!... but uh, I can't help thinking we've somehow missed something..

Brain: And what other possible silliness could you have perpetrated?

Pinky: Well, we could pour out the stuff from inside lava lamps and get ourselves all squishy, squiggley gooey, Brain! Ha HA ha! Narf!!

Daffy: Wait a minute! I just remembered!

*Daffy pulls out a banana cream pie and throws it at Brain, who ducks - it flies toward Pepe K. - who also ducks - and it finally smashes into the face of the one who never expected to get hit - Bugs Bunny! SPLAT!! Bugs is covered with yellow sticky goo dripping off his ears and face*

Daffy:(turns to the audience, smug) I've ALWAYS wanted to do that.

* BLACKOUT! * *The audience Roars with laughter!*

*When the lights come back up, everyone onstage is having a wild pie- fight!*

;)

**************************************************************************** *******

As the pie fight quickly escalates from out-of-hand to out-of-control to out-of- your guess is as good as mine, the suit containing our favorite mice struggles to crawl out of the fray. Finally, Brain has had enough.

Brain: "E-NOUGH!!! WHEN WILL THIS INSANITY END?"

Dot (also popping in out of nowhere): "When one of us answers the phone, silly."

Brain (crestfallen): "Et tu, Dot?"

Dot: "Well, I did, but Wakko et a lot more, of whatever it is."

Before Brain can respond, a hole appears on stage, which proceeds to engulf everyone but the mice. That being done, the hole zips shut & rolls up like a window shade, winking out of existence.

Brain (stunned): "Er, ah, not that I'm complaining, but could someone tell me just what happened here?"

In response, a piece of paper flutters down in front of Brain's face.

Brain (reading): "'A plot hole'. humph. Well, as I said, I'm not complaining. Actually there are worse ways to segue into our next award-"

voice: "Zouiee! Thank you! Shut up!"

Brain (grimacing): "Like that. If that is who I think it is."

voice: "It is I, Nostradimeus, great predictiator of future events!"

Brain: "Rubbish. As I was saying, we are now about to present the award for Best Use of Pseudo-Science. On second thought, Mr. Nostradamus is the perfect one to co-present this award with me. I'll represent the science part, & he is more than qualified to represent the 'pseudo' - from the Greek 'pseudes', meaning false."

Nostradamus: " *shut up* What do you mean? One time a farmer showed me two pigs & asked me to predictiate what would happen to them *shut up* I told him we would eat the white one & a wolf would eat the black one *shut up* Right then & there he told his servants to get the black one ready for dinner. At dinner he thought he had proven me wrong, *shut up* when one of his servants told him that a wolf had carried off the black pig, so we were eating the white one. I WAS RIGHT!!!"

Pinky (inside the suit): "Ooohh! That's frightening, Brain."

Brain: "Silence! *whap!* (Pinky: "Wha-ha-ha!") What is frightening is that people put any stock in his stock soothsaying. Now to the award; the sooner we finish the better. The nominees are-"

=============================================================

I was dragged to the chemistry lab where Babs pulled out some orange stuff, mixed it with the blue stuff, and applied heat.

"You're gonna love this!"

Loved it I did! When the actions had finally reacted to each other, the most beautiful display of colors I had ever seen flashed before my eyes. The fumes gave me a sensational feeling that could never be matched. "Babs! What have you done?!"

"Oh, it's nothing. It gives off a hallucinogenic effect on the first use, but the real show starts soon."

One that I would never forget.

"That's not it! My God, that was the most spectacular display I've ever seen! What else does it do?"

"Watch this!"

The beaker started to shake violently, until it finally bursted open.

"What's going on Babs?"

"I'm taking a role, Buster. I'm playing God."

=============================================================

Nostradamus: "Babs creating Life in 'The Quest' by Nick Distler."

=============================================================

Unnotice Shirley starts to chant and takes on a faint glow drawing power from Dru thru her Aura. She pulls out the match and it slowly floats up to the water sprinkler that has projected through to the other dimension.

=============================================================

Brain: "Shirley vs Dr. Dru in 'Terror Toons Adventure' by Anthony Barnett."

=============================================================

The light from the copyplate had become a pillar rising up to the heavens, disrupting angelic traffic for miles around Acme Acres. Buster and his friends couldn't see anything and were forced to avert their eyes on account of the brightness. (Except for Plucky who had produced a set of welder's goggles from someplace and looked quite smug about it.)

Without warning radiant pseudopods emerged from the pillar and snared all of the clones and dragged them screaming into the light. There was a final sudden burst of illumination before the cycle ended with an anticlimactic 'DING'.

The light was gone.

The clones were gone.

=============================================================

Nostradamus: "Calamity's Toon-copier in 'Multififity' by Able DuSable."

=============================================================

Calamity produced a scrubbing brush, a can of Acme cleanser and began scouring the old cel. (Monty:) "When shown under a light the old image is still drawn on the plasic (sic) cel. It's just a faint outline, but if you look closely you can see remnants of the original paint which was used to give these toons life again. The original colors!"

"You've been cloning toons!" Plucky said.

(Monty:) "That's right! And most of them are so old the copyrights ran out years ago. I can make as many toons as I want and not have to pay a penny!"

Buster was appalled. "You have to realize how dangerous this is! You can't clone a whole toon from bits of old paint and faint sketches! Anything could happen!"

=============================================================

Brain: "'Jurrasick Duck'."

=============================================================

Just at that moment, a gust of wind knocked the antenna out of its perch. As it fell, it was struck by lightning.

Inside the cavern, Babs consulted a huge, dusty book. "Ah, here it is." she said. "Cliche 1296. Scientific experiment struck by lightning, causing adverse effects." She slammed the book shut, and threw it away. The machine started to rumble from the power surge.

Suddenly, Buster started to glow. There was a blinding flash of light, and he was gone.

The creature held up it's arms. "THIS! Wackyland is dying, and you are the cause."

"What did I do?"

The creature morphed into a very young Bugs. It spoke with Bugs' familiar accent.

"Ya traveled through time, dat's what!"

The creature morphed again, this time into Wile E. Coyote.

"Let me explain. You DO know what a paradox is, don't you?"

"Umm, sort of."

The creature sighed. "A paradox is an apparently contradictory set of circumstances, that by nature, cannot exist. Most are simply mistakes, but others have remained unexplained. Your time travel has caused a paradox, and it is destroying reality. History dictates that you didn't survive the time transfer, and your apparent survival has caused a tangent of the timeline that is destroying both realities. From where I stand, I see two options."

"Well, what are they?" asked Buster, not really understanding.

"Well, you can either transport back to the exact moment you left, thereby destroying the current two timelines, and creating a third where neither event happens, or I will be forced to kill you. This continuity between the two current timelines should cause them to rejoin, and correct the problem."

"Yeah, but then I would be dead, and from where I stand, that is a MAJOR con."

"Well, it would seem that the choice has been made. You will travel back to the exact moment that you left, and destroy the current two realities. Hopefully, the third timeline will evolve correctly."

"Hopefully?"

"Well," said the creature, taking out a calculator, "I predict a thirty seven percent chance that the arrival of you back in your own time will complete the paradox, causing the universe to implode instantly."

=============================================================

Nostradamus: "'And Rabbit Out of Time' by Matt Bermann."

Brain (opening envelope): "And the winner is-" (reading with Nostradamus) "Calamity's Toon-copier in 'Multififity' by Able DuSable."

**************************************************************************** *******

     Calamity dashes through the lobby doors smoothing out his fur and bushy eyebrows as he climbs the stairs to the stage. He graciously accepts the Ukie from The Brain and turns to make his acceptence speech at the podium with the Lance Henrikson voice he had in Multififity.

 

     "I apologise for my absence. With all of the dialogue and 'entertainment' that was going on, I though I'd have a chance to go to the... little coyote's room and not miss anything. I guess I was wrong."

   

    The audience chuckles at his little joke and he continues.

 

     "Well, I'm certain I should begin by thanking Mr DuSable and Lance Henrikson for letting me have a chance to finally be heard. To my Weird Science professor, Wile E. Coyote I say 'thank you for the encouragement.'   I wish to thank all of those whom I call my friends. Buster, Babs, Plucky, Shirley and Furrball.

     Finally... the one person who means more to me than my own life, Fifi LaFume. My only regret is what you had to endure for me to admit my feelings to both you and myself. To you I say... Uh... Where did Fifi go?"

 

    All eyes and cameras turn to the empty deat where Fifi was sitting just a moment ago. Ripples of confusion cast through the audience as they wonder about Fifi's vanishing act.

    Suddenly... a series of female "WHOOP!"s fills the air as two chorus lines made of nothing but Fifis  doing the Can-Can dance their way onto the stage from both the left and the right wings.

    The Orchestra, quick on the uptake begin playing the appropriate lively french music as the two lines link together using the hapless and very bewildered Coyote as a lynchpin. Rather than fight it, Calamity begins doing the high kicks with the Multiple Fifis. While they dance the one imediately to his left turns her head to him.

   

    "I take it you are enjoying mon surprise, my little plush-toy of passion?"

    "Fifi... I-I thought I demolished my Clone-O-Matic. It was too dangerous for me to risk..."

    "Oh, you did! Zese are not clones... Zey are moi from many different fan-fictions"

    "But how?"

    "Silly coyote. One cannot date a boy genius and not pick up a few things about ze time and space. Non?"

    "But why?"

    "Just a way of showing everyone zat all of ze fanfictions are vrais... and none are truely faux."

    "So they're all you?"

    "Oui."

    "From other fanfictions?"

    "All zat ever were, are and will be."

    "Fifi... you are as brilliant as you are gorgeous!"

    All of the Fifis chorus the word "Merci!" as one... followed by a solitary "Thanks, Shugah!"

    The entire line paused in mid-kick and everyone looked at one Fifi who was wearing a coyboy hat, cowboy boots and a set of six-shooters. She smiled back at them and answered the unasked question.

    "Well, Shoot! Did'j y'all REALLY think that *ALL* of us was gonna be from france?"

    The audience breaks out laughing as Calamity and 'his' Fifi disengage from the line and return to their seats while the rest of the Fifis exit... High kicking all the way, stage left.

    The next hosts walk out onstage and prepare their dialogue when the orchestra plays the Can-Can one last time. The Multi-fanfic Fifi dancers once again cross the stage only this time Pepe LePew and Vinnie the deer are amid the skunkettes having the time of their lives. They exit stage left leaving the hosts little else to do but come up with a snappy comeback to that last Hurrah.