*The Stage lights dim, the lights shifting to the orchestra pit, which
rises mechanically on hydraulic lifts to reveal the Looney Tunes Orchestra
in full formal dress. The stage falls dark and silent till only the
musician's lights on their music stands are seen shining.
On cue, Porky Pig rises to his feet and begins to play the opening Promenade from Moussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition" on his coronet. Porky's clear notes proudly play the stately march and the strings join him. Slowly, the lights on the musicians rise, the lights glinting off the brass and silver off the woodwinds and brass and causing the finely polished wood of the harp, violins, violas, cellos and basses to shine with a rich golden glow. The music swells magnificently to a majestic cadence and as the final promenade theme plays, the lights diminish slightly and a bright white follow-spot (light) picks up Pepe K. as he enters from stage right in full formal dress (white tie and tails - all three of them). His tail held high, he strides in time to the music and crosses downstage to the conductor's stand just as the music comes to its triumphant conclusion.*
*The Audience applauds as Pepe K. bows and addresses them.*
Pepe K.: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to the cultural part of our show. Tonight, the Looney Tunes Orchestra will be accompanied in their performance by The Fowl Dancers of Madame` Jete`s School of Ballet.
And now, "The Ballet of Chicks in Their Shells" from Modest Moussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition".
*Pepe turns to the orchestra and the stage curtains open to reveal a huge vinyl dance floor and the stage setting of a woodland pond as its background. The cyclorama behind it is lit like a soft orange sunset. Shirley and the Swans enter on pointe` and assume third position. They all wear pale lavender tights and leotards with floofy white tutus. Their stylized makeup is positively vivid. Silence hums.
Pepe K. conducts the orchestra, playing a light, flitting dance of flutes, clarinet and strings. The beautiful birds perform an elaborate chase with elegant arabesques and Shirley herself performs a brief pas seul,(solo dance) turning an amazing eight pirouettes! The Corps de Ballet moves in to bring the Divertissemant to a swift conclusion, making the delightully fast ballet into a thankfully short one.
There is thunderous applause and cries of "BRAVA!" as the ballerinas curtsey and a proud Plucky Duck presents a dozen pink roses to Shirley.
Pepe K. motions for the orchestra to rise to recieve their applause and turns to bow with them. They then sit and listen as he begins his presentations.*
*Pepe K. crosses to the podium to continue the show. The Skunk in full a full dress tuxedo may appear youthful, but his greying temples belie his age.*
Pepe K.: Tonight, I'll be begining my stint as presenter of our UKE Awards - but not without the help of a lovely friend of mine - Ladies and Gentlmen - the Russian answer to Charlie's Angels - Ms. Laika Romanov!
*Laika enters from upstage left in a royal blue gown that covers her petite frame like a coat of spray paint. The striking jerboa crosses the stage, her long blonde hair is done up in waves like Veronica Lake's. Laika stiffens as some of the males in the audience whistle at her, but she arrives at the podium with a smile, waving her long tufted mouse-like tail.*
Laika: In my country - we leave wolves out een Siberia!
*the audience laughs*
Pepe K.: Tonight, we begin the awards for Fanfics concerning Alternate Tooniverses - rather a finite group, but nonetheless fascinating.
Laika: Eez hard to write stories ov creepy sci-fi opposites to peoples vee are already knowing well, da!
Pepe K.: Yes, not only must the author create good science fiction, but they must create a concept of our well-known characters and create interesting and believable opposites of them. Quite often these anti- characters end up in our Tooniverse -
Laika: Or our peoples end up een dere Tooniverse - and dat mins trouble!
Pepe K.: Da! ..I mean yes! Considerable conflict! And tonight we shall award the "Best Conflict in an Alternate Tooniverse"! The Nominees are:
*Taz beings playing a drumroll on his timpani*
=============================================================
"Acme Acres," they chorused. The name didn't register.
"Well, where you are now is 'Perfecto Plaza'...only, it's not so perfect anymore..."
"What happened?" Babs asked.
Rebecca sighed sadly. "The Lord High Mayor, that's what happened. He's totally out of control!" She then went on to list a litany of offenses that, had there been a branch office there, would have made Amnestoon International cringe. Her voice choked as she continued. "...And worst of all, he disposed of everyone who ever opposed him." She paused to wipe a tear. "Some of them were my best friends..."
=============================================================
Pepe K. continues: The Struggle for Freedom in Perfecto Plaza in the "Parallel's" series by Jerry Withers!
*applause*
=============================================================
While the two rats were busy conferring with one another, the Chancellor looked at the Empress and asked, "Can we trust them?"
"I doubt it. By all accounts, these Perfectos are a lot like us, and I wouldn't trust us if the roles were reversed."
"Then why..."
"Think about it, Chancellor. They *do* have contacts and resources. Once they obtain the Dip for us, we can test it, on them."
"Hmm," said the Chancellor thoughtfully. "A good plan Empress. Perhaps we should have joined forces long ago."
"Don't even think about it, Orange Ears. You destroyed everything I loved in your climb to power. For that I shall hate you forever."
"Oh, and you've ruled your little Empire with benevolence? You've been just as brutal as I have."
"Maybe so, once I had learned how effective the methods could be for imposing my will."
"My point exactly, Empress. We are alike, you and I. We should put aside out past differences and join forces perminately, which will guarantee that no pitiful 'resistance' will spring up like it did back home."
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The War between the Emperess and the Chancellor in "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich
and Mike Demico!
*applause*
=============================================================
Buster ran towards Alez, and dived at him. He knocked Alez short; but came flying from the impact. He crashed into the Creation, and tumbled over the edge with it. He twisted in the air, and looked upwards. He knew that he was going to die, so he simply accepted it. Suddenly, he heard a voice that changed that.
"Buster! Give me your hand!" It was Babs. Buster looked downwards, and saw Babs standing on a rocky outcrop. He reached out his hand, and she grabbed it as he fell past her. She was pulled to her knees by the force of his fall. He dangled over the edge, with Babs hanging on to his hand. He looked upward at her, and noticed something else. Alez was leaning over the top of the chasm, looking down at them. "History won't let ya win dat easy, kid." thought Bugs.
Buster looked down at the Creation, which was thrashing in the lava. He looked back up at Alez, and his heart stopped. The chasm was collapsing! A large crack appeared below Alez, and the ground gave way from underneath him. The young Bugs dived after Alez, but missed his hand.
Alez tumbled down the chasm, towards the lava and the Creation. Buster let out a gasp, and thrust his other hand outwards. He managed to grab Alez's hand, and the rat swung into the wall of the chasm below Buster. Unfortunately, the extra weight was too much for Babs. She strained with the effort, but knew she couldn't hold both of them.
"Buster! Give me your other hand! You're slipping! I can't hold you!" Buster looked down at Alez, who had a serene look on his face. He was ready to die. Buster glanced down at the lava, and saw that the Creation had dissolved in the great heat.
Buster strained with the weight of Alez. He had to save him, but how could he? "Let it go, Buster." thought Bugs, "Ya have beaten history, now let it have it's way. If Alez is meant ta survive, he will."
"I can't do that, Bugs! That would be murder!"
"I know it ain't easy, but ya are gonna have to make the choice. It's up to ya. Maybe we aren't meant to survive either. Just make up ya mind, and do it quick."
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And the Toons vs the Created in "The Hours Between Night and Day: Bugsnapped! III" by Plucky Warner!
*applause*
Laika: And de UKE Avard for Best Conflict in an Alternate Tooniverse goes to -
*Pepe K. opens the envelope and reads*
Pepe K.: "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico! Congratulations!
*cheers and applause*
Pepe K.
**************************************************************************** *******
Well, it seems that Mondo has won another award. At this point, I again give much credit to my fellow authors for creating such an intriguing world and scenario. The Acme Zone and its inhabitants were very interesting to create and deal with, and I know that for all of us it was very rewarding.
I have FWD'd the award and this response to my fellow writers not on the daily list. In the meantime, Nef, you gonna say anything?
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
Nah, I'm too busy compounding Feloni Mayhem's mental instabilities on alt.devilbunnies. :) Sorry I've just been lurking here for so long; seems my days of writing Tiny Toons stories are over. On to stranger things I guess.
Nefaria
**************************************************************************** *******
Well, I had my say on this one, here's a comment from Mike Demico...
Another one? What can I say really but thanks! Yes, yes, I know "Thank you William Shakespeare" and all for such a well rolling acceptance speach. G It just amazes me how well this story was received and how well it continues to live on. In a way I'm *not* surprised though since we certainly took the time for quality and batting ideas around, and with the fun we had with the Acme zone..well most times when you have "More fun than a rabbit oughta have", you know something special is going to come from it. But in all due humbleness, even as great from my own viewpoint that I thought we all made this story to be, its still a strange feeling to see it generate such a following. Picture yourself having made "Star Wars" five years back and I guess you can see where these thoughts come from. Thank you for keeping all our hard work and fun alive, remembered and enjoyed!
Mike.
**************************************************************************** *******
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand at the podium*
Pepe K. :And the UKEies continue! Tonight, since we are honoring Alternate Tooniverses - I felt we should look back a bit at where it all stemmed from and came up with at least one viable resource. It may not be absolutely correct, but the first I recall seeing addressed was from an episode of the original Star Trek called "Mirror, Mirror" - where Captain Kirk and company accidentaly switched places with their opposites and wound up having to pretend to be their evil selves.
Laika: So joining uz tonight eez "our" equivalentz - de Kapitan andt crew ov de Starship Acme!
*Upstage center, three columns of sparkling atoms appear as Captain James T. Quirk (Plucky), Mister Spork (Hamton) and Dr. Fur (Furball) beam down.*
Plucky:(whipping out a phaser suspiciously) Careful Men! You never know what you'll be facing on an uncharted planet!!
Hamton:(calmly regarding his overly-dramatic captain) I doubt that we happen to be in any danger, Captain. This appears to be a 21st Century Hollywood Awards presentation.
Plucky: Well, ya never know when you'll be attacked by_ravenous_hunk- hungry_groupie-girls!
*He grins with a bright gleam off his capped teeth and makes himself look slick for the audience, but his toupee is on sideways. Furrball takes out a tricorder and points it at their surroundings, examining the audience*
Plucky: _What_is your tricorder reading, Dr. Fur?
Furball: Just as we thought, Jim! There's no intelligent life here.
Hamton: As usual Doctor, your observations are entirely predictable.
Furball: At least my heart's in the right place, you red-blooded pig!
Plucky: Gentlmen! You both know that you really......_like_ each other deep down! Let's...cooperate! ..And besides - I'm supposed to have most of the lines, ya know!
Hamton: Of course, Captain. Tonight we honor -
Plucky: HEY! THAT"S MY LINE!
*comes to the podium with an ingratiating grin*
Plucky: Greetings!_ Peaceful inhabitants!_ We bring_ to you _our sincere and _humble_ Award to that fanfic - which has been voted to have_ the "Best Alternate.... Tooniverse"! The nominees, Spork?
Hamton:(his piggy ears looking unusually pointed)
=============================================================
"It was during the initial attack... The Million just came out of nowhere and like, began slaughtering toons left and right. We were totally unprepared, we thought they were just like any other toony villians until we realised people were dieing. I, I used to commune with spirits a great deal when I was younger but I was like... totally unprepared for death. *REAL* death. The immediate... terror and feelings of total helplessness it can inflict to you as life leaves a person. It was horrible, the looks on their faces as they realised they weren't healing from their injuries just before those... monsters finished them off. I was frozen there, I had gone into shock when you grabbed me by the arm and herded as many of us you could find into the basement of Acme Tec.. By this time several of us like Buster and Barbara had weapons and were trying to defend our position. You got us all into the steam tunnels then grabbed a gun from Barbara, kissed me and sealed the door between us. You provided us with the time we needed to escape... at the cost of your life."
=============================================================
Acme Tech (the Acme County version of the Looniversity) in "Fractured Images" by Abel DuSable.
*applause*
=============================================================
. "The Chancellor is the lord of the ACME Zone, Ruler Supreme, and is hated more than anyone in the land. You must have come from far away not to know that," she answered, looking him over.
=============================================================
The Acme Zone from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico.
*applause*
=============================================================
Reappearing above ground, Alex hoped he wasn't spotted. After assuring himself he wasn't, he made his way through the forest to the heart of downtown Perfecto Plaza. Strolling past the shops, he could tell at a glance that Rebecca and Catastrophe had only told him *part* of the story. 'Toon Hell' didn't even *begin* to describe it. He grumbled inwardly. At one time, he thought, this must have been a beautiful city. He wagered he'd have no trouble finding the palace. If this was like all the dictatorships he'd read about, it was probably the grandest building in this otherwise squalid town. He couldn't blame Rebecca for wanting to leave. He wanted to leave, too, and he didn't even *live* here! Soon enough, he found the palace. No surprise, he told himself. Outwardly, it looked like something out of a storybook, but Alex felt it gave no hint of the evil within. Suddenly, he felt the fur on the back of his neck stand up, and heard the sound of a rifle pointed at his back, cocked and ready to fire.
=============================================================
Perfecto Plaza from Jerry Withers' "Parallells" series.
*applause*
=============================================================
"Ze Million ees a 'ost of born killers straight from ze nightmares. Vous see, Max created zem to destroy us so 'e could take ovaire not just Acme County but all of Warner World. Max took 'is own Aniplasm to create their skeletons and zen using ze latest in computer technology... GENERATED 'orrible bodies about zem."
=============================================================
And Acme County, from Abel DuSable's "Fractured Images"
*applause*
Furball: (opening the envelope) And the winner is-
Plucky:(grabbing it) Gimme that thing!! *grins to the audience*
..........The Acme Zone from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!
*wild applause and cheers*
*Upstage right, three taller colmuns of sparkling atoms appear! The Toons gasp in shock as the real Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy and Mister Spock beam down into the midst of the proceedings!*
Kirk:(looks around) Spock!...What the devil's going on?!
**************************************************************************** *******
Shaking my head with amusment, I again return to the stage, and do so before Kirk and Spock can reply. Holding up my right hand in a perfect Vulcan salute, I say simply, "Peace, and long life to you, Captain Kirk, and Commander Spock."
With a raised eyebrow, Spock looks to Kirk who mearly shrugs his assent. Spock then returns my greeting. "Live long and prosper, Mr. Mickel. I am afraid you have us a somewhat of a dissadvantage."
To this I reply, "Oh, don't worry about it. Some hack writer has pulled you here into an alternate reality. Something like the one where Spock had a beard."
"That information was not included in the offical transcript of our mission."
"I know. But here... Well, let's just say that here we know all about you and your ship. In fact, I'll bet if you contact it now, Scotty can beam you right up."
"Well in that case," said Kirk, "I think we'll get out of here."
With that, Kirk pulled out his commuincator and flipped it open. "Kirk to Enterprise."
"Enterprise, Scott here."
"Scotty, bring us home. Two to beam up."
"Aye, sir."
"Energize."
With shimmer of sparkly light, the two famed Starfleet officers return to their ship.
And now I am free to say this...
"Well, this is certianly yet another honor. Perfecto Plaza, Acme County, Acme Tech, these are all great and interesting places, and yet you have seen fit to declare the Acme Zone to be the best of the best. In the face of such competition, I am truly pleased to receive this award. Thank you all for bestowing it upon us.
"As ususal, I will fwd the award and my repsonse to my fellow authors not on this list and post any responses they wish to make."
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
With shimmer of sparkly light, the two famed Starfleet officers return to their ship.
*Dr. McCoy still stands there glowering and staring at Kevin.*
McCoy: Taking advantage of his failing memory, eh? You made him forget about ME!....
*mumbles something about "no intelligent life" and pulls out his own comunicator*
Kevin: Oops! Sorry! *cowers back to his seat. The audience giggles*
McCoy: *gives him the "sour McCoy stare"* Thanks alot, buster!
Buster: *stands up in the 5th row* Hey, I resemble that remark!
McCoy: (to himself) Maybe this is all a halucination from that Romulan Ale we had last night. (into the comminicator) Enterprise! This is McCoy! Tell the Captain to get his big fat -
*There is the sound of the transporter again as Kirk and Spock reappear behind him*
McCoy continues: - fanny back down here! The alien tricked him!
Kirk: I know... *McCoy jumps*
McCoy: Dammit Jim! Don't sneak up on me like that! I can't believe you forgot I was standing right there behind you!
Kirk: Sorry, Bones. Where's that alien?
McCoy: He ducked out somewhere.
Spock: It seems that this universe's norms are made of jappery.
McCoy: You mean they joke around.
Spock: I believe I just said that, Doctor.
Kirk: I think I have "a hunch' to violate the Prime Directive!
Spock: Impossible, Captain. It applies to even a place such as this.
McCoy: ...It's awfully tempting, though.
Kirk: We still have a mission to accomplish here. By the way - have we figured out what's going on here?
Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand dumfounded as Captain Kirk, Mister Spock and Dr.McCoy look in suprise at the proceedings. Plucky, Hamton and Furball (as Capt. Quirk, Mr. Spork and Dr. Fur) as equally surprised.*
Kirk: Spock - anaylsis?
Spock: We seem to have beamed down into yet another parallel universe, Captain.
Kirk: Bones, what does the tricorder show?
McCoy: They're nothing like I've ever seen before, Jim! They seem like.. living drawings!
Spock: I believe that they are "Toons", Sir -
Pepe K.:Ahhh yes.. that's what most of us here are, Captain Kirk. Sorry about that before.
Kirk: (uneasily coming foward to shake hands) You speak english?
Laika: Da, most ov us. I am speakink english very good, yes?
Pepe K.: Screwy, ain't it?
Spock: Captain, they seem to be composed of "living" petroleum distillates and pigments.
Pepe K.: ..He means ink and paint. Welcome to the Tooniverse - a universe of animated beings - toons.
McCoy:(noticing Plucky, Hamton and Furball) Jim! ..They must be our counterparts here!
Spock: Odd - that we are co-existing in the same space and time.
Plucky: Greetings_ Captain! I_ am the Captain of the _Starship _Acme! *Hamton nudges him* Oh and uh..This is Mister Spork and Dr. Fur...but everybody calls him "Chicken-bones".
Furball: Nobody calls me that! Not even you, Jim! What am I?!- A Doctor or a Comedy Relief?!
Spock: It appears that you are disagreeable in both universes, Doctor.
McCoy: (smiles) Well Spock, you may not be a bearded pirate, but you look infintely better as a pig.
Hamton: Captain, these aliens appear to have impeccable taste.
Laika: Excuse please! We are for making presentations here!
Kirk: Oh!..sorry. Please continue.
Pepe K.: Tonight we'll be honoring the "Best Alternate Persona" in a Fanfic.
Plucky: I _ can't say _ that I think_ much...of mine.
Kirk: (aside to Spock and McCoy) Bones?...Do I talk...like that?
Spock and McCoy:(fumbling)...Uh... well... Not precisely...
Pepe K.: The authors had to produce a clear cut example of the "true opposites" of our beloved characters - creating someone either complex-ly evil or likeable.
Plucky: Humph! _Well, I can't _ honestly say that I care for mine,_ either!
Laika: So, de nominees for "Best Alternate Persona" are:
Pepe K.:The Acme County Shirley, from "Fractured Images" by Abel DuSable!
*applause*
Pluckton, in "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!
*applause. Plucky bounces around joyously as the other stare at him*
And The Empress from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!
*applause*
Laika: And de vinner ov ze UKE Award for "Best Alternate Persona" iz -
Pepe K.(opens the envelope and reads. He is shocked!) Uhhhh... Ladies and Gentleman... uh.. Leloni is this correct?!
*A lavender bunny sticks her head out from behind the curtains*
Leloni: Yes! It's a tie! (she ducks backstage) *Everyone is surprised! The audience gasps!*
Pepe K.: Ladies and Gentlmen! We appear to have two nominees who scored exactly the same! - Both the Empress and Pluckton from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" (by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico) seem to have won the UKE!!
Hamton: But as I recall, the Empress was hanged for her crimes.
Plucky: That's right!! SO I WIN!!...Uh.. I mean...Pluckton Wins! Very Good, Spork!
Pepe K. I suppose we should award her posthumously?... In any event - "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" *rattles off the names again* (by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico) Whew! - is the winner! ...Now, could things get any _More Complex_??
*There is again the sound of a Transporter in use and everyone whirls around to see three more columns of atoms sparkling and forming into shape! Everyone gapes as the animated kirk, Spock and Dr. McCoy from the animated Filmation series materialize onstage alongside them! The real Captain kirk slaps his forehead and Captain Quirk (Plucky) nearly faints!*
Animated Captain Kirk: Spock!! What the Devil is going on?!?
*Plucky gulps and is about to explode in anger - but his corset bursts apart instead - leaving his belly flopping out!*
**************************************************************************** *******
Well, yet another one! (Sorry, I am gonna let the crews of the Starships figure this one out for themselves.)
The Empress and Pluckton were a joy to work with, and to create. Still, I must give the lions share to my co-authors here, they really laid the groundwork for both of them.
Thank you.
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stare in disbelief at all the starfleet uniforms. Plucky hides behind Hamton and stuffs himself back into his corset*
Both Spocks: Captain! We cannot co-exist with our counterparts in one universe. Therefore, logically, one must assume...
Both Kirks in stereo: That we'll destroy each other if we stay, by canceling one another out?
Both Dr. McCoys: (sigh) Well in that case, it's been nice knowing you!
*They each pull out a mint julep and drink it*
Both Spocks: I hardly think this is cause for celebration, Doctor.
Both McCoys: *laughs* Lighten up, Spock!
*A pause.....nothing happens*
Both McCoys: Well, suh! Ah don't think yer calculations were correct, Spock.
Both Kirks: Bones, how'd you get drunk so fast from one drink?
Both McCoys: ...And how often do I get a chance to have a belt?
Both Kirks: If this stereo keeps up - I may join you.
*Enter Ren and Stimpy as Space Commander Hoerk and Space Cadet Stimpy*
Ren: You Eeediots! You are RUINING the show! SCRAM! Get outta here! HIT THE ROAD, you boring old peeeeple!!
Both Kirks: Oh? And just _who_ are you? _We_ have a mission here.
Stimpy: Eeeuuuaaaaahh - This is Commander Hoerk! And uuuuhhh - I'm his faithful and eager Space Cadet 9th class - Stimpy!
*He snaps to attention sloppily*
*Daffy Duck (as DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2 CENTURY!!!!) leaps on to the stage, his cape flying and flopping over his big feet. Porky Pig enters demurely in his Space Cadet Suit, with a sarcastic grin*
Porky: N-n-nne- nope..I'm the Space Cadet..and c-c-c-comedy relief.
Daffy: If thereth a Space Hero to be found around here - It's Me!! DUCK DODGERS - IN THE 24TH AND A HALF CENTURY!!!!
Both Kirks: That's it! Let's get outta here.
Both McCoys: Yeah - there's too many hams around here.
Hamton and Porky: I resemble that remark!
Stimpy: Eeeah, I'll take care of things! I'll reverse polarity on my doohickie-thinggee-opafragistat - and we'll all simply Implode!
Both Kirks: (into their communicators) Scotty! Beam us up quick!
*as they're about to activate their various devices, Pepe K. halts them*
Pepe K.: STOP!!!!.... They'll be no gross humor on this show while I'm in charge! Let us make the next award _then_ do whatever you want...as long as I'm at the minimum safe distance.
*Everyone nods*
Pepe K.:Tonight we honor those Fanfics known as Crossovers.
Laika: Zat eez - a story zat haz characterz and situvations from anozzer cartoon or TV show -
Pepe K.: Sortov like this... So.. In the general category of Crossovers, for Best use of a Non-TTA charcter in a fanfic: The nominees are -
=============================================================
"Wholly confused, Batman! Where are we?"
The dark knight ignored the comment and drew a device from his utility belt. Training the blinking machine from side to side, Batman frowned and said, " Whatever it is - it's here."
"Yeah, but where's here? Everything looks - different! And they're-"
"Welcome to Acme Acres, Robin" said the Caped Crusader, walking to the other side of the roof.
"You're kidding?" Robin gaped.
His tall companion continued to scan their surroundings. Robin shrugged and followed him. "You're never kidding."
"It's centered over there". Robin's cape began to flap in the breeze.
"You really think the Riddler's involved in this? Time displacement isn't usually his thing, ya know?" Batman remained intent on his triangulation. " Ya know, I wish you were kidding!", the Boy Wonder exclaimed facetiously, " Then I wouldn't be stuck here, waiting for some bizarre super-villain to show up and wreak havoc!" The older man put his scanner away and fired his grappler down to the next building. "Couldn't ya kid around a little?" Robin asked with an exasperated smile. Batman swooped away and was soon lost to view. Robin threw up his hands and looked heavenward. "Of course I could, Robin!", he said adopting Batman's basso tones, "I am Vengeance! I am the Night!-" A sudden rumble of thunder cut him off. "Okay! Okay!" , he said cowering. His grappler fired with a sharp report and clanged into the opposite building. "Just once - just once?! Talk about a silent partner". Robin flew after his intense mentor.
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Laika: Batman & Robin in A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven #1 by Pepe K.!
*Applause*
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"We've got, I say, we've got a new student with us today, class. Transfer, that is. Class, this is..." Foghorn fumbled through his papers.
"My name's--" the student began.
"Don't interrupt me, boy, it's bad manners. Let's see, now..." He picked up a roll sheet.
The new student gently took the sheet from Foghorn, turned it right side up, and handed it back. He tossed an amused glance at the class.
"Chad Cheetah," Foghorn read. "Take a seat, boy, don't just stand up here staring. Nice kid, but about as bright as a lightning bug in a mudslide..."
Chad found an empty desk near the back and settled in, keenly aware of everyone watching him.
"You'll have to borrow someone's notes, son," said Foghorn. "Can't go back and reteach the whole first semester, now can we? You gotta keep up, boy, pull your own weight. Any of this gettin' through to you?"
Chad suppressed a sigh. Great. He didn't know anybody, and now he had to ask favors. He always hated the first day at a new school. But whatever didn't kill him...
His thoughts were interrupted when a paper airplane made a perfect landing on his desk. Curious, he unfolded it and read.
"Welcome to the madhouse! You can borrow my notes if you want. Buster Bunny."
Chad glanced around the room and found the blue rabbit, who nodded slightly.
Chad smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
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Captain Kirk:(reads)"Out of the Closet, Into the Fire" by Renee Carter Hall!
*Applause*
=============================================================
Dot tossed Buster onto the living room floor, where he saw Wakko, holding a plate of burritos, being carded by Pete Wilson and Mike Huffington. Wakko showed them his California resident card, and the two cronies left. "Wow," said Wakko, "they're serious about these new anti- immigration laws."
"Why did they card you, Wakko?" asked Dot.
Wakko pointed down to his serving tray. "The burritos."
Buster sat up and looked around the room, but couldn't find his squeeze. "Where's Babs?" he asked.
Dot zipped over to Buster and laid his head on her lap. "Oh, what do you want with her anyway...when you could have me?"
Buster quickly got up and began looking around for Babs. Wakko pointed over to the kitchen. "I think they went in there." Buster ran off as Wakko dumped the tray's contents into his mouth. "Deee-licious!"
=============================================================
Plucky (as Capt. Quirk): Mike Cote's use of Wakko in "A Really Very Special Tiny Toons Thanksgiving... I guess."!
*Applause*
=============================================================
CHIP
So. . .how many missions is this for you Mr. Darkwing?
DARKWING
My name isn't Mr. Darkwing. It's Darkwing. And I've done more missions than the acorns on this tree!
DALE(in an attempt to change the subject)
That outfit is really neat! I'll bet your cape is bullet proof...
DARKWING
I don't need a bulletproof cape.
DALE
Uh...why not?
DARKWING(evily)
One look at me and the criminals run in fear...
MONTEREY(teasing like)
So you and the Phantom of the Opera are good friends, huh?
DARKWING
Watch who your insulting lardball, in fact, are you sure you've been shrunk down? I think Gyro's computer had a glitch..
MONTEREY
Why you little...
DARKWING(boasting)
...or maybe your just big boned?
Vincent interrupts in a calm yet forceful tone.
VINCENT
(snidly)
Excuse me. Mr. Darkwing sir. Can I have a word with you?
Vincent makes several gestures indicating he wants to go over in the corner to talk. They both get up and go over in the corner. Everyone stares.
CHIP
Now look what you've done, Monterey!?
GADGET
You were just kidding, right? Monty?
Monterey has become hot and bothered by the peeved duck.
CHIP
They haven't been here for 30 minutes already you've upset them.
=============================================================
Daffy (as Duck Dodgers):Chip in "Copyrats"!
*Applause*
=============================================================
Dot spoke quietly and determinedly, "Payback time."
She sprang out and fired-- "Shoom- shoom- shoom!!!"
There was a muffled cry of surprise, and a shockwave ran through the fort ahead.
"YES!!! Got him!!" Dot cried, leaping into the air.
Then, without warning, there was a battle cry, and a flash of black, white, and tan pounced on them, knocking Dr. Scratchansniff's breath out. Before he could get up, he was being pummeled with a pillow.
Adding further to the confusion, Wakko ran over and tackled Yakko from behind. They all ended up in a confused heap, with the collapsed walls of the fort on top of them.
Someone stepped on Dr. Scratchansniff's face. He closed his eyes and wondered if he could hide there forever, but soon the mattress was lifted, and the Warners peered down at him.
"All right!" Yakko cried. "Our first POW!"
"Wow! Can we feed him gruel and ransom him to the studio?!" Dot cried, as Wakko tried to tie his hands.
"No, no, NO!" Dr. Scratchansniff cried, wrenching his hands free and knocking Wakko onto his butt in the process.
Dr. Scratchansniff tried to calm down. "I'm just here to tell you zat Mr. Plotz vants to see you."
"Mr. Plotz said THAT?" Yakko asked, awed.
"Doesn't sound like our Plotz!" Dot said, surprised.
"I know!" Wakko exclaimed, suddenly, "He's probably been brainwashed by aliens! That's it!" He scrambled to his feet and dashed to the door, calling, "C'mon, we gotta save him...!!"
Yakko and Dot looked at each other.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh... remind me not to let him watch 'X-Files' next week."
=============================================================
Ren: The Warners een "Out of the Water Tower"!
*Applause*
=============================================================
Dr. Sam Beckett felt himself falling, the same as he always did right before he was to leap into someone else's life. What would happen to him this time? Where would he be? WHO would he be?
In moments, reality coalesced around him, but what a reality! He found himself standing in a meadow unlike any meadow he'd ever seem before. The colors were bright and almost unnatural, and everything seemed to have a thin black outline around it. Sam also noticed that he was running. He looked behind him and saw a strange purple spinning -- THING that was bearing down on him. Alarmed, he started to run faster, and as he was busy watching the whatever-it-was, he failed to notice that he had run off the edge of a cliff. As he hit the ground with an ear shattering "THUD!" it was all he could do to mutter, "Oh, boy!"
=============================================================
Spock: Quantoon Leap.
*Applause*
=============================================================
An agurment continues between everyone against Plucky as they try to find the Weenie Burger. Unaware that a strange shadow is gaining speed and running towards them. What could this creature be? What is his perpose?
Plucky: One last time, we are not lost.
Everyone else: One last time, yes we are!
Shadow: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH---
The creature leaps and startels the four. Little did the creature realize that he was going land past them.
Shadow: OOWWW--
Splat. The creature lands in the muddy ground making a print of his body. All four blink as the creature slowly stands and spins. No, it's not a Tasmanian devil. It's something else.
Buster: Umm, hello?
The creature turns to show his fury. His left eye is crooked. Either he is dizzy or just plain stoned.
Plucky: I think I've seen him before.
Babs: Knock it off, Plucky. What kind of creature are you, sir.
The creature moves his head closer to the four and sniffs at each one. Except Fifi because he knows what to expect from a skunk. The creature blinks a few times before he speaks.
Shadow: Crash Banditcoot.
=============================================================
Stimpy: uuuhhh - Crash Bandicoot!
*Applause*
=============================================================
"Oh, please don't look at me like that, Bugsy, I _said_ I was sorry," she pleaded, her lower lip quivering uncontrollably, tears starting to form in her ever-expressive deep dark chocolate brown eyes. That was all Bugs had to see.
"Ohhh...all right, Duchess," he relented, addressing her by the most affectionate nickname he had for her. "Dry them there eyes. I can't stay mad at ya. Anyways, it's my fault, I guess I shoulda checked da plane again before we took off."
"Again?" Honey asked, regaining some of her composure.
"Yeah, I'd had da plane prepped for takeoff yesterday, but Looniversity stuff came up, and I didn't get back out to da airfield until...uh...ya feelin' okay, Buster?" Bugs finally asked, noticing the little blue (not to mention slightly green) bunny.
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..."
Honey smiled. "He'll be all right, Bugs. Now, you were saying?"
"Well, it all concoins dis telegram...did ya ever meet my Uncle Buck?"
At the mention of his name, Honey's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Yes, when I was a teenager! Gosh, I haven't seen Buck in years! How is he?"
=============================================================
Porky:A-a-and Honey Bunny in "Who's Minding the Mine?" by L-L- Lee Withers
*Applause*
Pepe K.: And the Winner of Best use of a Non-TTA charcter in a fanfic, goes to (opens the envelope) ..."Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag! Congratulations!
**************************************************************************** *******
[no reply given]
**************************************************************************** *******
Kirk: Fine, now how do we get outta here?
Animated Kirk: I thought I said that.
Stimpy: Wait! I have the answer! (pulls out a strange table with a huge red button on it)
Ren: NO!!!!! THAT'S THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON, YOU FOOL!!!!!
*Everyone scrambles to stop him, but Stimpy cannot resist pressing the jolly, candy-like button - the beautiful SHINY button - that beckons him ever closer!...and he presses it!*
Everyone (except the Spocks): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T- !!!!!
*Too late! An Alarm rings and they all dissappear! The Audience gasps in shock.....till Laika and Pepe K. reappear through a trapdoor in the stage floor.*
Pepe K.:..Whew!.....Moving right along.....
;)
**************************************************************************** *******
Do to John K's public and vitriolic hatred and continual denigration of Tiny Toons, I ask that Ren and Stimpy nor any other John K. character appear here ever again.
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
Sorry, I didn't know.
Pepe
**************************************************************************** *******
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand at the podium*
Pepe K.: And the show goes on! And to continue our cultured and sophisticated evening of Crossover Awards - here are some Guest Stars to present the Award for the "Best Interaction between TTA characters and non- TTA characters" - George of the Jungle and his friend Ape!
*applause as Ape (the Jay Ward gorilla) comes out in white tie and tails (but no pants). He speaks in a high class Harvard accent*
Ape: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlmen, I'm terribly glad to be able to come out of our late-night rare re-runs in order to address you at this ceramony. My associate George of the Jungle - *pause as they look around for the jungle hero* - seems to have gone missing.
George: (As he swings in on a vine) AAAAAHHHEEEAAAAHHHEEEAAAAAHHHHEEEEAAAAAAHHHEEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!! *CRASH* OOOOOO!!!
*he hits the side of the proscenium wall and slides down on his face*
Ape: (dryly) Well, he may have missed his entrance, but at least he didn't miss the wall.
*George gets up and wanders dizzily over to fall at Ape's feet*
Pepe K.: George, Are you alright?
Ape: George never has been, really.
George:(standing) George try to remember joke to tell to audience!
Ape: Thinking and swinging on a vine simultaneously? That's too much of a difficult task for you, George.
Laika: And deed you remember joke, Meester Ape-man dolt?
George: Yes! George remember! Idea strike George when George hit wall (aside, confidentially)...wall much harder than trees.
Ape:(wryly) Well, at least something struck him funny.
George: George remember time when George and Comissioner try to stop bad guys from stealing jungle railroad tracks!
Pepe K.: And what was funny about that, George?
George:(grins)..."Steel tracks!!" Ohohohohohahahahahahahahahahahaa!
*George is rolling on the floor laughing at this*
Ape:(rolling his eyes) Oh dear, not that one again.
*George is still laughting*
Pepe K.: Well.... moving right along-
Ape: Yes, of course! *George is still laughing* Uh....George? *it's no good, George won't stop chuckling* Well, anyway - tonight's award is for the Best Interaction between TTA characters and non-TTA characters.
George:(still laughing) "Steel Tracks"! Hahahahahaha!
Ape: ..Geeeeeorge?
*George won't quit but quiets down to a snicker*
=============================================================
Even with both of them pulling on it, there was still considerable resistance for a few seconds before the background popped down, and when it finally did, Buster and Babs were shocked by what they saw. Seated at a large table were several well known Toons from several different studios. From WB there was Porky Pig and Elmer Fudd, from Universal was Woody Woodpecker, from the Fleischer Bros. studio, Betty Boop and Popeye, and from Disney there was Mickey Mouse. From the comic books, and propped up on an easel in a white cardboard frame was Scrooge McDuck. "Oh good, you made it" said Mickey when he saw them. Then, shaking his head, he added under his breath, "I always wished that Walt had let us do things like that."
=============================================================
Pepe K.: The nominees are: "What's in a Name?" - the scene of Buster and Babs being offered help from various toons from other studios - by Kevin Mickel!
*Applause*
=============================================================
"Excuse me, but may I borrow your microphone?" asked Speed.
The big fowl handed it to him and asked
"Whut are you here for, then - Mistah Racer?"
Speed set himself up before the camera with the mike.
"Oh - speed trials" he said over his shoulder.
He smiled at Miss Prissy and brushed back a forelock of his black hair, as she focused on him. His face appeared onscreen and he announced
" Hi, I'm Speed Racer and I'll be judging the contestants in today's race."
=============================================================
Ape: Speed Racer's interaction with Fifi, Hamton, Plucky, Dizzy & Gogo in A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven: Part 4 by Pepe K.
*Applause. Pepe K. blushes*
=============================================================
DARKWING
They all could be. That's why were mobile. You'll go with Launchpad in the miniplane. Vincent, Dale, Gadget, Monterey and Zipper will ride in one HumVee. Calamity and I will take the other and stay behind with the gear.
CHIP
And we don't contact Admiral Grimmitz's Aircraft Carrier until we've found what were looking for.
=============================================================
Ape: (putting a card before George's eyes) Read this, George.
George:(stops laughing and trys to read it with crossed eyes) Uhhh.. R-E-S- Q..R-A-M-...um, well... George can read D-U-C-K! That spell Dog!
Ape:*sighs* Oh, never mind George! (reads) The Rescue Rangers and Darkwing Duck and the TTA characters in "Copyrats".
*Applause*
George: That what it say?
*everyone else rolls their eyes*
=============================================================
After class, Buster handed his notebook to Chad and introduced him to Babs, Plucky, and Hamton.
"What's your next class?" Babs asked.
"Um..." He pulled his schedule from his pocket. "Spin Changes Workshop."
"I'm in that one, too," said Babs. "I'll walk with you."
The first bell rang. "See you guys at lunch," Buster called.
"Did you have this class at your old school?" asked Babs as they headed down the hall.
"Not quite," said Chad. "Is it hard?"
"Not really. I'll show you." Babs did a quick spin and reappeared in a Jessica Rabbit-style sequined dress. "'I'm not bad,'" she purred, "'I'm just drawn that way.'"
He chuckled. "Pretty good."
She spun back into her regular outfit. "That's the first time a guy hasn't done a wild take at that."
"Well, I don't have much practice with those, either. But if I did, it would have been worthy of one."
Babs smiled. "You're a fast learner. Come on--we'll be late."
=============================================================
Laika: "Out of the Closet, Into the Fire" by Renee Carter Hall!
*Applause*
=============================================================
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." he repeated forlornly, gripping the armrests for dear life. Honey felt it best not to ask Buster any more questions, and if at all possible, not to talk to Bugs until he'd cooled off. She really couldn't blame him for being ticked off at them; after all, it was Honey who had talked Buster into having a "look" at Bugs's plane (Buster had never seen it before), and it was while they were seated in the back that Bugs and Sam had somehow, suddenly, and without even looking in the back of the plane, picked that precise moment to file a revised flight plan to a place called Gower Gulch, and then took off before even noticing that they had company. In fact, they were halfway to their destination before Buster had made their presence known (by whining "I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." like a broken record). But Buster and Honey Bunny (norelation!) were there now, and Bugs was just going to have to deal with it as best he could. He continued to glower at Honey as if to say he'd deal with _her_ as soon as they landed.
=============================================================
Pepe K.: And Honey Bunny in "Who's Minding the Mine?" by Lee Withers!
*Applause. Bugs hugs Honey as they watch from their theatre box.
Ape: And the winner of the UKE Award for the Best Interaction between TTA characters and non-TTA characters goes to.... (opens the envelope) ... A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 4 by Pepe K., featuring Speed Racer's interaction with Fifi, Hamton, Plucky, Dizzy Devil & Gogo Dodo.
*Applause as Pepe K. gulps and takes the envelope to read it*
Pepe K.: Uhh.. Leloni.. is this official?
Leloni Bunny: (pops out of the prompters box) Yeahyeahyeah, it is! C'mon, C'mon! *The lavender femmebunny ducks out of sight again*
Pepe K.: Uh, well.. gee, thanks very for this award, folks!
*gets the award and a kiss from Laika*
*applause*
Pepe K.: Well I have to thank those who were involved - Gogo Dodo, Dizzy Devil, Plucky Duck -
Plucky:(leaps up onto the stage) Ah yes! Thankyew, thankyew and thank You!
*Dizzy spins onstage to look at Ape*
Dizzy: YAGHFERIZTAGEBBLEAAACKPPPT! MMMMMM! Been long time since me eat Gorilla-burger!
Ape:(cringing) I Sir, am Not an hors'd ouerv!
*An Acme Deliveryman drives up an a motorscooter*
Deliverman: Package for Laika Romanov!
*Pause as Laika signs for it. The Deliveryman zips offstage, grumbling about getting tipped with Slobovian currency. Laika opens it and finds Gogo inside*
Gogo: (Grabbing Laika and smooching her) Hiya Hot Happening Babe!
*Laika grabs the Dodo and flings him from side to side, slamming him on the floor HB judo-style*
Laika: MALE CHAUVANEEST PEEG!!
Gogo: (A bruised heap on the floor with stars and planets whirling around his head) OOO! Baby! That's what I Like!
* spin changes into the Big Bopper. Fifi and Hamton arrive.*
Fifi: Male peegz are kinda cute, Laika. Do not knock eet teel vous try eet.
Plucky:(to Gogo) I thought you only were into inanimate objects?
Gogo: Hey, I may be insane, but I'm not stupid! Whatta woman!
*He does a Tex Avery fly apart wild take at Laika, who whomps him again, reducing him to 100 tiny Dodos, who skitter about. Dizzy grabs Ape and is about to try and eat him*
Dizzy: MMMMMMM! Dizzy Hungry!
Ape: George! Do something! I'm being man-handled by this ruffian!
George: What ruffian?
Ape: THIS ruffian!!
George:(to Dizzy) You really from Ruffia?
Pepe K. Ah... yes, Fifi and Hamton - and of course Speed Racer.
*There is a tremndous CRASH as the the Mach 5 smashes a hole in the wall, it's roto-saws spinning and lands on the stage, flattening Dizzy, Plucky and Gogo! George leaps into Ape's arms.*
Speed Racer:(standing up in the cockpit of the Mach 5) Wow I made it just in the nick of time!
Pepe K.: Good Grief! This is getting out of hand!
*Plucky and the others squirm out from under the white racing car, but remain flat as pancakes*
Plucky: Medic!
George: George Help! George call faithful dog, Shep! (whistles) Here Shep! Here boy!
Ape: No George! Don't!!
*Too late! There is a rumble and the sound of trumpeting as George's "doggie" Shep stampedes out from backstage - a huge African elephant that tramples everyone and everything! Amidst the cries, the stage becomes a big cloud-battle. A battered Pepe K. sticks his head out.*
Pepe K.: We'll back right back ...after a word from our sponcer - the Acme Insurance Agency!
*The skunk is pulled back into the cloud-battle and the sounds of cartoon violence resound throughout the theatre. Suddenly the battle is over. After the dust settles, we see everyone is piled in a heap, except George of the Jungle. He looks to the audience. A grin appears on his face*
George: "Steel Track!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
;)
Pepe k.
**************************************************************************** *******
*As the stage curtain opens, Pete Puma is caught onstage cleaning up the last of the mess*
Pete: Sheeeeeesh! This is the last time ah pick after uh ellyphant! Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!
*he notices the audience and - with a sheepish grin - pretends to dance with his mop like Fred Astaire. Unfortunately, he can't dance...at all*
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov reappear, each wearing new clean outfits*
Pepe K.: Uh, thanks for the cover, Pete.
*The Puma finally notices them and shovels the last of the mess offstage*
Pete: You better be careful! Parts of the floor are still wet. (he slips on a wet spot, flips and ends up falling down with his bucket on his head) See?
Pepe K.: Hmm, yes. thanks again.
*Pete slips and slides his way out*
Pepe K.: And now we'll continue - *he slips on the floor on his way to the podium* Whooooops! W-w-w-w-with our show!
Laika:(stops and gauges the distance to the podium) What eez next award?
*Laika crouches and suddenly leaps 12 feet into the air like a super- kangroo - and lands easily at the podium*
Pepe K.(amazed) It's the Best Crossover Award...Wow, I've never seen you do that before!
Laika: Zat eez theeng we Jerboas do - Jerboa jump.
*Jerboa Jump (from the Adventures of Tennesee Tuxedo) stands up in the 18th row*
Jerboa Jump: That's my name - don't wear it out!
*They stare at him as he re-seats himself*
***********************************
It's me again. I apologize for once more sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but I've had another insight into what was going on elsewhere. With no further ado, except to thank PepeK for including 'sackinfrassinrassintassin... rassyrickrastardly' & Muttley - 2 of my all- time favorite H-B characters - in this portion, awayyyyy we go (wouldya believe I've never seen the Jackie Gleason Show, or even an entire ep of The Honeymooners?).
Meanwhile, in the Carrotte box:
Rhubella: "You can put your eyes back into their sockets any time now, Roddy."
Roderick: "Hmm? Oh, sorry, babe. It wasn't her, I just found that jump fascinating."
Rhubella: "Hmm, well in that case, remind me to do some jumping of my own later, on your head."
Roderick: "That's it! I knew I'd seen that jump somewhere before. You do it too, that leap. You thing she's related?"
Denys: "I can answer that, Roderick, & the answer is no. We're not even the same animal, tho many make that mistake. She's a jerboa & I'm a kangaroo rat. It's a subtle difference, but it is there."
Rhonda: "That reminds me, aren't kangaroo rats native to North America?"
Denys: "Yes, Ronny. The same southwestern deserts as the Road Runner."
Rhonda: "So how'd you come to be in Australia?"
Denys: "Well, my family moved there a couple generations ago. We know what Road Runners do to rodents, you know."
...back to the show.
Nefaria
***********************************
Pepe K.:Anyway, our next guest star is-
Laika:(aside) I hev been meaning to be speakink to you about heem..ah theenk he is being a sneaky crook.
Offstage voice: Who are you calling a sneaky crook? I'm the crooky-est crook of them all!
Pepe K.: ..How about crookedest sneak?
Offstage voice: That too!
Pepe K. Ladies and Gentlemen - my favorite villains - those two double- dealing do-badders - Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley!
*Dick Dastardly strides out to the podium and Muttley follows*
***********************************
As the band plays "Stop That Pigeon", the theme to "Dastardly & Muttley In Their Flying Machines".
Nefaria
***********************************
Dick D.: Grrrreetings groundlings! I am here to present the UKE Award for Best Crossover! (aside) And to steal it! Right, Muttley?
Muttley:Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah!
(He laughs his sniggering laugh)
============================================================
"Wonderful," muttered Sam. "I'm a cartoon character who's the star of a show doomed to failure."
"Well, it could have been worse."
"How?" hissed Sam.
"Uhm," said Al hesitatingly, "well, you could of, uhm, uh -- well, no I guess it couldn't have been. Anyway, let me get back and run a few numbers through Ziggy. In the meantime, you just, well, act like a rabbit."
"Oh? And how am I supposed to do that?" asked Sam in exasperation.
"Oh, you know, eat some carrots, act timid, mate like a bunny..."
"AL!!!!" shouted Sam.
"Okay, okay, don't lose your hare."
"So help me, Al, if you weren't a hologram and my best friend, I'd deck you."
"Well then it's a good thing I am, right?" With that, Al pressed the button on his handlink that opened his "door" and left Sam alone with the problem of trying to figure out how he was going to climb up a five hundred foot cliff.
Sam blinked. He didn't have to worry, he was at the top of the cliff already! "About time you got back," said a short dumpy cartoon guy with thick black-rimmed glasses and wavy brown hair which was impossibly long in front. "Buster, are you awake in there? It's time for the next scene. What took you so long?"
"Huh? Oh, I, um...guess I'm low on iron or something," muttered Sam.
"Not that again. Carrots for the rabbit!" the man shouted to one of his assistants.
"Right away, Mr. de Ville," said a pink girl rabbit, and she hopped off.
============================================================
Dick D.: So without further adieu - or further warning - the nominees for Best Crossover are: "Quantoon Leap"!
*Applause*
============================================================
Gosalyn's face brightened at that announcement. "Awesome! Shirley the Loon is gonna be my new neighbor!"
"Oh," said Shirley with a faint grin, "actually, it's Shirley Duck now. Plucky and I got married three years ago. I'm surprised you didn't know. It was, like, in all the trades and stuff."
Gosalyn shook her head. "Well, that was about the same time that Dad finally married Morgana. I was kinda busy then."
"Oh, well, that explains it. You were to totally busy with stuff of your own to notice."
"Something like that," said Gos with a wry smile. "Anyway, how come you're moving to St. Canard?"
"Well, it's like this. Acme Loo is gonna be opening a new satellite campus here. Plucky and I are gonna be on staff, and Daffy's gonna be the dean, or some junk."
============================================================
Laika: "Ducks Out of Luck"!
*Applause*
============================================================
The roar of jet and rocket engines reached them as Lord grinned.
"Jimmy?", he asked, "May I?"
"Sure" exclaimed the boy.
As the two shapes got closer, Lord mentally put forth an old theme song. Bongo drums and guitar played a kitchy background as basso voices sang the thrilling song. Fifi and Hamton looked up as the tiny figures flew closer - one small - the other huge. Both were Two-Tone anime robots. The smaller one appeared like a bare-chested schoolboy with jets in his feet. The other was a titanic man of metal - eyes glaring from underneath a crested helmet, with a pair of blazing rockets strapped to his back. As Jimmy manipulated his controls, the metallic giant soared around in aerobatic loops, his great steel fists thrust out straight before him.
"Ready to Fight for Right! - Against Wrong!" sang the deep voices. The group of toons below watched in awe as the two robots descended vertically to land on the lawn opposite them. The small robot had black peaked "hair" and stood no taller than Plucky. The rounded titan next to him dwarfed the mansion - standing over thirty feet tall. It was Astroboy and the mighty Gigantor!
" Mission Accomplished, Doctor Lord!" said Astroboy brightly.
"Well done, Astroboy!", said the Doctor, shaking his hand, "Where's your passenger?"
"Gigantor has him" said the little robot, pointing up to the giant's closed fist. A muffled voice came from Gigantor's hand.
"Hey! Stop all this twirling around before I get sick! Let Me OUT!" Gigantor's great bulk kneeled on the grass and put out an oversized hand. He opened his tremendous hand and out staggered Kimba the White Lion! Stars and planets spun around his head as he collapsed onto the grass. Kimba moaned and closed his eyes.
"Kimba! Are you alright ?!" cried Speed as they all rushed to his side. The lion raised his black-tipped ears and looked up.
"Speed? Is that you?" he asked, his large eyes shining hopefully.
"Kimba, you've made it out safely" said Lord, stooping down to help him up. "My friends, this is Kimba, King of the Jungle. Are you alright, your Majesty? "
"Nothing that a few good meals couldn't fix" said Kimba rising shakily to his feet.
============================================================
Dick D.: HEY! I'm the presenter here! (I'm getting paid by the line for this.)...And "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K.
*Applause*
============================================================
The Brain monitors the controls of his super computer. Fat Cat watches closely behind.
BRAIN
Yes, my dear Darkwing. You *never* know who'll be listening.
The Brain turns to Fat Cat with anger.
BRIAN(con't)
You brought them here!?
FAT CAT
No. . I. . it was. .
BRAIN
They must of tracked your cursed explosion. But how could they find the island so fast? (PAUSE) When I talked to you in the limo.
FAT CAT
How? The frequencies are custom!
BRAIN
The Crystal. Cursed all. The crystal has the power to amplify radio signals. It must of bled over to another frequency. Rats!
FAT CAT
But what will we do about them?
BRAIN
Fortunately, if my calculations our correct. . .and they always are. They'll head to the hottest points on the island.
FAT CAT(clenching fists)
Ewoooo. A massacre. I like it all ready.
BRAIN
Exactly.
============================================================
Dick D.: Oooo! You're writing one? Can I be in it? (Muttley nudges him) Oh rrrright! Uh...and "Copyrats"!
*Applause*
Dick D.: And the winner of the UKE Award for the Best Crossover is -.....Me! Dick Dastardly! MuHuHahahahahahaaaaa!
Pepe K.: What?!!! But you weren't even nominated!!
Laika: You are not even being zee TTA Fanfic author!!
Dick D.:(Seizing the golden UKE Award) Sure I am! - I wrote my own Crook Book!! *holds up a book with his picture on the cover* Get 'em while they're piping hot, folks! Only 100 bucks!
Pepe K.: Hot books?!?
Dick D.: Of course they're hot, You dunder-heads! I STOLE them! NeeheeeheeeHahahahaaaaa! Just like I'm stealing this award!
(A sudden dark evil voice stops them all from offstage)
Voice: Ohhhhh no you are not! For if there is to be any stealing done here today - there will only be ONE PERSON who is doing that stealing! YES! There is only ONE true evil genius here to claim that which he is claiming now! Only ONE master criminal will lay ahold of that golden statue!
Pepe K.: Oh no!! Can it be?!???
Laika: Nyet! It could not be!!
Voice: Oh, yes it could be!! And it IS!!!
Pepe and Laika: OH NO!!!
*A short dark figure emerges from the shadows at stage left*
Voice: Yes!! YES!!!!! ...Uh could I have some lights, please? *the lights come up on him revealing his identity!* It is I - MOJO JOJO!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! *he whips out a ray gun* And with this clever invention (that I have created myself) - shall I steal the Award from the clutches of an obviously bumbling old-school villain such as yourself! *he fires his gun, the beam snatching the UKEie from Dastardly's hands*
Dick D.: That's what YOU think! Muttley - Fetch!!
Muttley:(sitting down) Unh-uh!
Dick D.: WHAT?! Go on you muttering, mumbling mongerel!!
Muttley:(laying down) Uhn-uh!! Medal??
Dick D.: Oh no, not another medal! It's the last one the General gave me!!
*Muttley shrugs like he doesn't care*
Dick D.: Oh, all rright! (hands it to him) *Muttley pins it on himself and starts to go into one of his ecstatic flights* C'Mon! C'Mon! We don't have all day!!
Muttley:(approaching Mojo Jojo) Sanaranafrazzin' Rick Rastary! (he barks at Mojo Jojo)
Mojo: OH no! Not THIS time! (shows a metal armored plate on his posterior) No dogs - No running - No biting. Got that? No dogs - No running - No biting....(looks at the UKE and stops) Hey, wait a minute.....this is not an Academy Award!!! What is going on here?! I demand to know!
Pepe K.: Uhhh, Mister Mojo - that's a UKE Award.
Mojo: What?!? ...Isn't this the Oscars?
Laika: Nyet, eetz de UKE Awards.
Pepe K.: Uhh, I think you're looking for Hollywood.
*Mojo Jojo stands muttering to himself a moment then tosses the UKE to Pepe K. and shuffles offstage*
Mojo: (as he leaves) Stupid address book!
*Muttley looks at his medal skeptically and tries biting it. It bends in his teeth, obviously a cheap imitation. He turns barking at Dastardly*
Muttley:Sannarannafrazzin' cheapskate!! (starts chasing Dastardly around the stage)
Dick D.: Waitaminute! Muttleeeey!! I-I I'll get you a better medal! A REAL one this time! I promise! How about a date with Colleen of the Road Rovers??!
*Muttley stops a moment to think about that one, but suddenly continues barking and chases Dick Dastardly out of the theatre*
***********************************
Meanwhile, in the rec. room of a certain underground complex in New Mexico, Hunter & Colleen are on the sofa in front of a TV / computer on which the UKEs are playing. Hunter is massaging Colleen's 'twisted ankle' which she sustained earlier in the Awards. Suddenly Colleen is upset by what she sees.
Colleen: "There they go again! Another ref to setting someone up with me. As if I had my nice little black book all spread out & ready for the gents' phone numbers. Maybe that rat-whatever had a point; chauvinist pigs, every one of them."
Hunter: "I'm sure no offense was meant, Colleen. You probably get more of this because you're the only female member of the original team."
Colleen: "You mean you get this kind of stuff too?"
Hunter: "And Exile, and Shag, & a couple of females are even falling for Muzzle. Oh, and Blitz."
Colleen: "'Oo?"
Hunter: "The Doberman?"
Colleen: "Oh, 'im. Have I met 'im yet?"
Blitz (passing the room @ the time & hearing his name mentioned): "Okay, keep it up in there, & the gnashing of the mushy parts will start."
Colleen: "Oh really? By you & what army, Blotter?"
Blitz: "Zat is it! Let the biting begin!"
But before he can start Colleen finishes him, amidst periodic yells of 'Detennnnn- tion!!!' & 'Gen! -era!! -tion O!!!
Hunter: "You alright, Blitz?"
Blitz: "Just call me a reconstructive surgeon... ooohhhh... *thunk!* "
Hunter: "You're a reconstructive surgeon." (to Colleen) "Why'd he want me to call him that?"
Colleen: "Hah! Now, there's your comedy!"
Hunter (noticing): "Hey, Colleen, you're better!"
Colleen (remembering she's supposed to be injured): "AAAUUUGGGGHH!!" (falls)
Of course the fast Hunter is there to catch her before she hits the floor.
Hunter: "I don't understand; you were beating up Blitz like there was nothing wrong?"
Colleen: "Must've been a delayed reflex, Huntie."
Hunter: "Are you sure?"
Colleen: "'Untie, I'm the one 'ere with the medical experience; I know what I'm talking about."
Hunter: "Okkay, cool."
Colleen: "Will you take me back to the sofa, Huntie?"
Hunter: "Okkay."
Colleen: "By the way, why do you think Muttley gives that bloke such trouble?"
Hunter: "Because the jerk deserves it. And to score points with his cousin Mumbley, the police lieutenant."
...and back to the UKEs.
Nefaria
***********************************
Dick D.: (as they disappear) MUTTLEEEEY!!!
Laika: Whew! Next time - I book dee guest stars, da?
Pepe K.: Da! ...by the way, who won?
Laika: (opens the envelope and laughs)
Pepe K.: So?..What's so funny? Who won the Best Crossover Award?
Laika: You did! (reads) "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K. iz winner!
Pepe K.: (nonplused) Well whatdya know about that?
Laika: And dees von you actually had to fight for, da?
Pepe K.: Against villains, no less!
*Suddenly there's a SMASH as the Power Puff Girls break in through the ceiling!*
Blossom: Hey! You guys seen a villainous green-faced monkey come in here?
Pepe K.: (pointing) He went thataway.
Blossom: Thanks, Mister Skunk!
Buttercup: Monkeys are bad people-
Bubbles:(singing the song) "And so - are you!" (she and the others giggle and fly away - making another big hole in the ceiling)
Pepe K.: "Hurry girls, hurry!"
***********************************
Now we see the Cartoon Network section, where sit the Professor, the Mayor, Miss Bellum, and an unseen Narrator.
Narrator: "Hey, that's my line!"
Bellum: "Calm down, Narrator."
Narrator: "Allright."
Professor: "I'd thot I'd taught those girls better than that. Not all monkeys are evil. For instance, that monkey who helped them defeat the Beat- Alls."
Mayor: "How'd you get in touch with her, anyway?"
Professor: "She came in through the bathroom window." (turns his attention to the hot dog he's holding) "Mmm, a taste of honey, some glass onion, & I am in pepperland. Yes, happiness is a warm bun in your hand. (accidentally squirts hot mustard on his pants) YYEEOOWW!! You mean Mr. Mustard! (arises) Please excuse me, everyone."
Mayor: "What're you going to be doing, Professor?"
Professor: "Fixing a hole, in my pants." (leaves)
Mayor: "I wonder what he meant by that? Oh well, I guess everybody's got something to hide except me & my monkey."
Bellum: "Actually, Mayor, that's Rocky Raccoon."
Rocky: "Hokey smoke! I'm a squirrell, lady. I only look somewhat like a raccoon because I finally tried to actually use my aviators' goggles."
Bellum: "My apologies."
And so we leave this meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society for more UKEs fun.
Nefaria
***********************************
Laika: (stares at him a moment) So. You are grateful for dis award, da?
Pepe K.: Da! Thank you everyone for this! Thanks very much!...(aside) You think we'll get combat pay for this?
*He takes a step and trips on the still wet stage, ending up on his face*
Laika: I HOPE so!
;)
Pepe k.
**************************************************************************** *******
*The Girls saunter to the podium, dripping with glamour*
Shirley: (blinks) Well.. like, _that_ wuz overdone, or what?
Babs & Fifi: "What."
Fifi: Oui, oui! Zees - how you say? -glamour girl image theeng eez too much, no?
Babs: Of course!...(smiles) - but some of us don't mind it.
Fifi: Oui! Naturalmente`!
Shirley: Fer shure! *they break up giggling*
*Pepe K. enters the circle of ladies with Laika*
Pepe K.:(smiles) Ladies, you all look magnificent this evening.
Fifi: Merci beaucoup, Monsieur K!
Shirley:(blushing) Yeah, thanks!
Babs:(with a Garbo-esque pose) "My beauty... is my curse!"
*Pepe K. and the others smile, smirk and pretend to go along with it*
Pepe K.: Oh absolutely! Of course!
*They all suddenly break up laughing*
Pepe K.: Tonight's UKE Award is the last of the Crossover Awards - for "The Best, Most Seamless Crossover In A Story."
============================================================
What "it" was, was the body of Dr. Otto Scratchansniff, hanging upside down...and very dead. Buster only saw him for a few, very brief moments, but the image was burned indelibly into his mind. The bullet hole in his forehead over the right eye told the tale, and the blood from it covered his face and his rumpled shirt collar. The most horrifying thing for Buster were the dead eyes, which were open wide and fixed in terror. His mouth was open slightly, and in some macabre manner seemed to be pleading for help.
Buster's eyeballs started from their sockets, and the blue in his face completely drained to white. "Mmmm*MMMMM*!!" Buster uttered as he pulled out of their kiss.
"Mmm, I liked it, too," purred Babs. "Care for seconds?"
"No!! Babs! I just saw Dr. Scratchansniff - outside! *Dead*!!" cried Buster in fright. "Oh, Babsie! I saw him! He's been murdered!"
============================================================
Babs: The nominees are: "Silver Smudge" by Paul Zook!
*Applause*
Babs: Hey! That's my good friend Peter Bunny! Give it up for him!
*Vast applause!*
Babs: That's more like it!
============================================================
VINCENT
This traffic really bites.
**DIRECTOR'S NOTE: ANYTIME CALAMITY HAS A LINE HE HOLDS UP A SIGN A LA WILE E. COYOTE.**
CALAMITY
You bet.
Vincent grabs the radio mike on the car's dashboard. He presses down the key.
VINCENT
Dispatch, where in the hell is our back up?
DISPATCH
Backup denied. All units are busy. And try to watch your language when transmitting.
VINCENT
(angrily)
Right dispatch. Standing by when backup is available.
Vincent slams the mike back on the hook.
VINCENT
I can't believe these people. Where is everybody?
Calamity hammers away on the keyboard.
CALAMITY
Heading towards the airport.
VINCENT
Darkwing's at it again, eh? Well, I've had about enough of this. Hey wait a minute. . .
The radio cuts Vincent off.
DISPATCH
Be advised your converging with Agent Darkwing's posse. You have been ordered to backoff.
VINCENT
(surprised)
Backoff! Are they crazy! No way we're. . .
============================================================
Shirley: The next nominee is fer the general plot of "Copyrats", er sum junk - by Jason Bretz!
*Applause*
============================================================
With that settled, everyone got back to work, and Sam and Dizzy finally got through the scene. It wasn't too bad, Sam thought to himself, once you throw out all the known laws of physics. "Okay," said de Ville, "that's a wrap! Call as 9:00 tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure," said Sam.
"Buster, are you feeling all right?" asked the director with concern.
"Sure, Mr. de Ville, why?
"You usually argue about the early calls. And another thing, why are you calling me Mr. de Ville all of a sudden?"
"That IS your name, isn't it?" asked Sam with confusion.
"It is. But you usually call me, 'Coop.'"
"Oh, sorry, Coop."
"AND I USUALLY BAWL YOU OUT FOR IT! THE NAME IS DE VILLE, YOU EGOMANIAC RABBIT!!!"
Sam felt his ears flying backwards from the force of the director's words. "Uh, sure, whatever, Mr. de Ville," he managed to stammer as the man stormed off.
"Charming fellow," muttered Al as he walked towards Sam though his holographic door.
============================================================
Fifi: And finalee we ave "Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag!
*Applause*
Babs: And the winner is -
Pepe K.: Now hold on just a sec, girls. Let's hold that till the end, shall we?
*the ladies confer and finally nod*
Now before we announce the winner, I'd like to take this rare opportunity to have a special performance by some special performers! - Ladies and Gentlmen! Tonight the Looney Tunes Orchestra will be playing Franz Lizt's "Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2". They will be accompanied by none other than - Bugs Bunny and Tom Cat!
*Wild Applause as Pepe K. moves down to the orchestra pit and the ladies wait in the wings. Two grand pianos rise upstage on a center pedestal, their cases locked facing each other, fitting together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Bugs and Tom enter from opposite sides of the stage in white tie and tails amidst thunderous applause to sit at their keyboards facing one another. Pepe K. takes his spot at the conductor's stand and the two pianists - ( Dot Warner stands up threateningly with a bar of soap, but Slappy Squirrel stares her down)
- prepare themselves.
The orchestra begins and both Tom and Bugs re-create their exact performances from "Rhapsody Rabbit" and "Concerto Cat". The mouse annoys Bugs almost as much as Tom and Jerry Mouse torment each other. The fast- paced musical mayhem is worthy of an Oscar and the frenetic players nearly drive each other mad at the climax. Tom fares worse than Bugs and collapses in an exhausted heap, while Jerry and the other mouse rise to take the applause. Finally all four toons and the orchestra bow as one as they recieve a standing ovation*
*Pepe K., Laika and the Amazing Three return to the podium*
Laika: Zo zat bringz us to zee end ov zee Crossover Awardz. Dasvedanyeh!
Pepe K.: Almost!...The Winner of the UKE Award for the Best, Most Seamless Crossover In A Story is.....
(aside) drumroll, please?
*Taz (in the orchestra) pulls out a roll of toilet paper and gently places it atop his tympani*
Pepe K.: Nonono! A roll on the drums!
*Taz shakes his head stupidly and puts a plate of dinner rolls on his tympani and looks for a approval. Pepe K. smacks his forehead in disgust. Mercifuly, Henery Hawk plays a drumroll on his snare drum.*
Pepe K.(smiles) The Winner is "Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag! Congratulations!
**************************************************************************** *******
[no reply given]
**************************************************************************** *******
*Thunderous Applause. Taz looks hungrily at the dinner rolls and as everyone gasps - he eats them - tympani and all! His stomach and body take on the huge shape of the kettledrum as he swallows it whole! Pepe K. faints in exasperation and is caught and cared for by Laika, Babs, Shirley and Fifi*
Taz: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!
*Taz burps long and loudly enough to rival Wakko Warner*
Everyone in the threatre except Taz: Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!
Taz:(blushing) ...Pardon.
Pepe K.:(cradled in the arms of all the lovely ladies) Thank you for being a wonderful audience - and good night!
*Applause*
Pepe K.: Take it away, Leloni!
*The skunk exits stage right, accompanied by all the ladies.*
;)
- Pepe K.
On cue, Porky Pig rises to his feet and begins to play the opening Promenade from Moussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition" on his coronet. Porky's clear notes proudly play the stately march and the strings join him. Slowly, the lights on the musicians rise, the lights glinting off the brass and silver off the woodwinds and brass and causing the finely polished wood of the harp, violins, violas, cellos and basses to shine with a rich golden glow. The music swells magnificently to a majestic cadence and as the final promenade theme plays, the lights diminish slightly and a bright white follow-spot (light) picks up Pepe K. as he enters from stage right in full formal dress (white tie and tails - all three of them). His tail held high, he strides in time to the music and crosses downstage to the conductor's stand just as the music comes to its triumphant conclusion.*
*The Audience applauds as Pepe K. bows and addresses them.*
Pepe K.: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to the cultural part of our show. Tonight, the Looney Tunes Orchestra will be accompanied in their performance by The Fowl Dancers of Madame` Jete`s School of Ballet.
And now, "The Ballet of Chicks in Their Shells" from Modest Moussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition".
*Pepe turns to the orchestra and the stage curtains open to reveal a huge vinyl dance floor and the stage setting of a woodland pond as its background. The cyclorama behind it is lit like a soft orange sunset. Shirley and the Swans enter on pointe` and assume third position. They all wear pale lavender tights and leotards with floofy white tutus. Their stylized makeup is positively vivid. Silence hums.
Pepe K. conducts the orchestra, playing a light, flitting dance of flutes, clarinet and strings. The beautiful birds perform an elaborate chase with elegant arabesques and Shirley herself performs a brief pas seul,(solo dance) turning an amazing eight pirouettes! The Corps de Ballet moves in to bring the Divertissemant to a swift conclusion, making the delightully fast ballet into a thankfully short one.
There is thunderous applause and cries of "BRAVA!" as the ballerinas curtsey and a proud Plucky Duck presents a dozen pink roses to Shirley.
Pepe K. motions for the orchestra to rise to recieve their applause and turns to bow with them. They then sit and listen as he begins his presentations.*
*Pepe K. crosses to the podium to continue the show. The Skunk in full a full dress tuxedo may appear youthful, but his greying temples belie his age.*
Pepe K.: Tonight, I'll be begining my stint as presenter of our UKE Awards - but not without the help of a lovely friend of mine - Ladies and Gentlmen - the Russian answer to Charlie's Angels - Ms. Laika Romanov!
*Laika enters from upstage left in a royal blue gown that covers her petite frame like a coat of spray paint. The striking jerboa crosses the stage, her long blonde hair is done up in waves like Veronica Lake's. Laika stiffens as some of the males in the audience whistle at her, but she arrives at the podium with a smile, waving her long tufted mouse-like tail.*
Laika: In my country - we leave wolves out een Siberia!
*the audience laughs*
Pepe K.: Tonight, we begin the awards for Fanfics concerning Alternate Tooniverses - rather a finite group, but nonetheless fascinating.
Laika: Eez hard to write stories ov creepy sci-fi opposites to peoples vee are already knowing well, da!
Pepe K.: Yes, not only must the author create good science fiction, but they must create a concept of our well-known characters and create interesting and believable opposites of them. Quite often these anti- characters end up in our Tooniverse -
Laika: Or our peoples end up een dere Tooniverse - and dat mins trouble!
Pepe K.: Da! ..I mean yes! Considerable conflict! And tonight we shall award the "Best Conflict in an Alternate Tooniverse"! The Nominees are:
*Taz beings playing a drumroll on his timpani*
=============================================================
"Acme Acres," they chorused. The name didn't register.
"Well, where you are now is 'Perfecto Plaza'...only, it's not so perfect anymore..."
"What happened?" Babs asked.
Rebecca sighed sadly. "The Lord High Mayor, that's what happened. He's totally out of control!" She then went on to list a litany of offenses that, had there been a branch office there, would have made Amnestoon International cringe. Her voice choked as she continued. "...And worst of all, he disposed of everyone who ever opposed him." She paused to wipe a tear. "Some of them were my best friends..."
=============================================================
Pepe K. continues: The Struggle for Freedom in Perfecto Plaza in the "Parallel's" series by Jerry Withers!
*applause*
=============================================================
While the two rats were busy conferring with one another, the Chancellor looked at the Empress and asked, "Can we trust them?"
"I doubt it. By all accounts, these Perfectos are a lot like us, and I wouldn't trust us if the roles were reversed."
"Then why..."
"Think about it, Chancellor. They *do* have contacts and resources. Once they obtain the Dip for us, we can test it, on them."
"Hmm," said the Chancellor thoughtfully. "A good plan Empress. Perhaps we should have joined forces long ago."
"Don't even think about it, Orange Ears. You destroyed everything I loved in your climb to power. For that I shall hate you forever."
"Oh, and you've ruled your little Empire with benevolence? You've been just as brutal as I have."
"Maybe so, once I had learned how effective the methods could be for imposing my will."
"My point exactly, Empress. We are alike, you and I. We should put aside out past differences and join forces perminately, which will guarantee that no pitiful 'resistance' will spring up like it did back home."
=============================================================
The War between the Emperess and the Chancellor in "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich
and Mike Demico!
*applause*
=============================================================
Buster ran towards Alez, and dived at him. He knocked Alez short; but came flying from the impact. He crashed into the Creation, and tumbled over the edge with it. He twisted in the air, and looked upwards. He knew that he was going to die, so he simply accepted it. Suddenly, he heard a voice that changed that.
"Buster! Give me your hand!" It was Babs. Buster looked downwards, and saw Babs standing on a rocky outcrop. He reached out his hand, and she grabbed it as he fell past her. She was pulled to her knees by the force of his fall. He dangled over the edge, with Babs hanging on to his hand. He looked upward at her, and noticed something else. Alez was leaning over the top of the chasm, looking down at them. "History won't let ya win dat easy, kid." thought Bugs.
Buster looked down at the Creation, which was thrashing in the lava. He looked back up at Alez, and his heart stopped. The chasm was collapsing! A large crack appeared below Alez, and the ground gave way from underneath him. The young Bugs dived after Alez, but missed his hand.
Alez tumbled down the chasm, towards the lava and the Creation. Buster let out a gasp, and thrust his other hand outwards. He managed to grab Alez's hand, and the rat swung into the wall of the chasm below Buster. Unfortunately, the extra weight was too much for Babs. She strained with the effort, but knew she couldn't hold both of them.
"Buster! Give me your other hand! You're slipping! I can't hold you!" Buster looked down at Alez, who had a serene look on his face. He was ready to die. Buster glanced down at the lava, and saw that the Creation had dissolved in the great heat.
Buster strained with the weight of Alez. He had to save him, but how could he? "Let it go, Buster." thought Bugs, "Ya have beaten history, now let it have it's way. If Alez is meant ta survive, he will."
"I can't do that, Bugs! That would be murder!"
"I know it ain't easy, but ya are gonna have to make the choice. It's up to ya. Maybe we aren't meant to survive either. Just make up ya mind, and do it quick."
=============================================================
And the Toons vs the Created in "The Hours Between Night and Day: Bugsnapped! III" by Plucky Warner!
*applause*
Laika: And de UKE Avard for Best Conflict in an Alternate Tooniverse goes to -
*Pepe K. opens the envelope and reads*
Pepe K.: "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico! Congratulations!
*cheers and applause*
Pepe K.
**************************************************************************** *******
Well, it seems that Mondo has won another award. At this point, I again give much credit to my fellow authors for creating such an intriguing world and scenario. The Acme Zone and its inhabitants were very interesting to create and deal with, and I know that for all of us it was very rewarding.
I have FWD'd the award and this response to my fellow writers not on the daily list. In the meantime, Nef, you gonna say anything?
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
Nah, I'm too busy compounding Feloni Mayhem's mental instabilities on alt.devilbunnies. :) Sorry I've just been lurking here for so long; seems my days of writing Tiny Toons stories are over. On to stranger things I guess.
Nefaria
**************************************************************************** *******
Well, I had my say on this one, here's a comment from Mike Demico...
Another one? What can I say really but thanks! Yes, yes, I know "Thank you William Shakespeare" and all for such a well rolling acceptance speach. G It just amazes me how well this story was received and how well it continues to live on. In a way I'm *not* surprised though since we certainly took the time for quality and batting ideas around, and with the fun we had with the Acme zone..well most times when you have "More fun than a rabbit oughta have", you know something special is going to come from it. But in all due humbleness, even as great from my own viewpoint that I thought we all made this story to be, its still a strange feeling to see it generate such a following. Picture yourself having made "Star Wars" five years back and I guess you can see where these thoughts come from. Thank you for keeping all our hard work and fun alive, remembered and enjoyed!
Mike.
**************************************************************************** *******
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand at the podium*
Pepe K. :And the UKEies continue! Tonight, since we are honoring Alternate Tooniverses - I felt we should look back a bit at where it all stemmed from and came up with at least one viable resource. It may not be absolutely correct, but the first I recall seeing addressed was from an episode of the original Star Trek called "Mirror, Mirror" - where Captain Kirk and company accidentaly switched places with their opposites and wound up having to pretend to be their evil selves.
Laika: So joining uz tonight eez "our" equivalentz - de Kapitan andt crew ov de Starship Acme!
*Upstage center, three columns of sparkling atoms appear as Captain James T. Quirk (Plucky), Mister Spork (Hamton) and Dr. Fur (Furball) beam down.*
Plucky:(whipping out a phaser suspiciously) Careful Men! You never know what you'll be facing on an uncharted planet!!
Hamton:(calmly regarding his overly-dramatic captain) I doubt that we happen to be in any danger, Captain. This appears to be a 21st Century Hollywood Awards presentation.
Plucky: Well, ya never know when you'll be attacked by_ravenous_hunk- hungry_groupie-girls!
*He grins with a bright gleam off his capped teeth and makes himself look slick for the audience, but his toupee is on sideways. Furrball takes out a tricorder and points it at their surroundings, examining the audience*
Plucky: _What_is your tricorder reading, Dr. Fur?
Furball: Just as we thought, Jim! There's no intelligent life here.
Hamton: As usual Doctor, your observations are entirely predictable.
Furball: At least my heart's in the right place, you red-blooded pig!
Plucky: Gentlmen! You both know that you really......_like_ each other deep down! Let's...cooperate! ..And besides - I'm supposed to have most of the lines, ya know!
Hamton: Of course, Captain. Tonight we honor -
Plucky: HEY! THAT"S MY LINE!
*comes to the podium with an ingratiating grin*
Plucky: Greetings!_ Peaceful inhabitants!_ We bring_ to you _our sincere and _humble_ Award to that fanfic - which has been voted to have_ the "Best Alternate.... Tooniverse"! The nominees, Spork?
Hamton:(his piggy ears looking unusually pointed)
=============================================================
"It was during the initial attack... The Million just came out of nowhere and like, began slaughtering toons left and right. We were totally unprepared, we thought they were just like any other toony villians until we realised people were dieing. I, I used to commune with spirits a great deal when I was younger but I was like... totally unprepared for death. *REAL* death. The immediate... terror and feelings of total helplessness it can inflict to you as life leaves a person. It was horrible, the looks on their faces as they realised they weren't healing from their injuries just before those... monsters finished them off. I was frozen there, I had gone into shock when you grabbed me by the arm and herded as many of us you could find into the basement of Acme Tec.. By this time several of us like Buster and Barbara had weapons and were trying to defend our position. You got us all into the steam tunnels then grabbed a gun from Barbara, kissed me and sealed the door between us. You provided us with the time we needed to escape... at the cost of your life."
=============================================================
Acme Tech (the Acme County version of the Looniversity) in "Fractured Images" by Abel DuSable.
*applause*
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. "The Chancellor is the lord of the ACME Zone, Ruler Supreme, and is hated more than anyone in the land. You must have come from far away not to know that," she answered, looking him over.
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The Acme Zone from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico.
*applause*
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Reappearing above ground, Alex hoped he wasn't spotted. After assuring himself he wasn't, he made his way through the forest to the heart of downtown Perfecto Plaza. Strolling past the shops, he could tell at a glance that Rebecca and Catastrophe had only told him *part* of the story. 'Toon Hell' didn't even *begin* to describe it. He grumbled inwardly. At one time, he thought, this must have been a beautiful city. He wagered he'd have no trouble finding the palace. If this was like all the dictatorships he'd read about, it was probably the grandest building in this otherwise squalid town. He couldn't blame Rebecca for wanting to leave. He wanted to leave, too, and he didn't even *live* here! Soon enough, he found the palace. No surprise, he told himself. Outwardly, it looked like something out of a storybook, but Alex felt it gave no hint of the evil within. Suddenly, he felt the fur on the back of his neck stand up, and heard the sound of a rifle pointed at his back, cocked and ready to fire.
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Perfecto Plaza from Jerry Withers' "Parallells" series.
*applause*
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"Ze Million ees a 'ost of born killers straight from ze nightmares. Vous see, Max created zem to destroy us so 'e could take ovaire not just Acme County but all of Warner World. Max took 'is own Aniplasm to create their skeletons and zen using ze latest in computer technology... GENERATED 'orrible bodies about zem."
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And Acme County, from Abel DuSable's "Fractured Images"
*applause*
Furball: (opening the envelope) And the winner is-
Plucky:(grabbing it) Gimme that thing!! *grins to the audience*
..........The Acme Zone from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!
*wild applause and cheers*
*Upstage right, three taller colmuns of sparkling atoms appear! The Toons gasp in shock as the real Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy and Mister Spock beam down into the midst of the proceedings!*
Kirk:(looks around) Spock!...What the devil's going on?!
**************************************************************************** *******
Shaking my head with amusment, I again return to the stage, and do so before Kirk and Spock can reply. Holding up my right hand in a perfect Vulcan salute, I say simply, "Peace, and long life to you, Captain Kirk, and Commander Spock."
With a raised eyebrow, Spock looks to Kirk who mearly shrugs his assent. Spock then returns my greeting. "Live long and prosper, Mr. Mickel. I am afraid you have us a somewhat of a dissadvantage."
To this I reply, "Oh, don't worry about it. Some hack writer has pulled you here into an alternate reality. Something like the one where Spock had a beard."
"That information was not included in the offical transcript of our mission."
"I know. But here... Well, let's just say that here we know all about you and your ship. In fact, I'll bet if you contact it now, Scotty can beam you right up."
"Well in that case," said Kirk, "I think we'll get out of here."
With that, Kirk pulled out his commuincator and flipped it open. "Kirk to Enterprise."
"Enterprise, Scott here."
"Scotty, bring us home. Two to beam up."
"Aye, sir."
"Energize."
With shimmer of sparkly light, the two famed Starfleet officers return to their ship.
And now I am free to say this...
"Well, this is certianly yet another honor. Perfecto Plaza, Acme County, Acme Tech, these are all great and interesting places, and yet you have seen fit to declare the Acme Zone to be the best of the best. In the face of such competition, I am truly pleased to receive this award. Thank you all for bestowing it upon us.
"As ususal, I will fwd the award and my repsonse to my fellow authors not on this list and post any responses they wish to make."
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
With shimmer of sparkly light, the two famed Starfleet officers return to their ship.
*Dr. McCoy still stands there glowering and staring at Kevin.*
McCoy: Taking advantage of his failing memory, eh? You made him forget about ME!....
*mumbles something about "no intelligent life" and pulls out his own comunicator*
Kevin: Oops! Sorry! *cowers back to his seat. The audience giggles*
McCoy: *gives him the "sour McCoy stare"* Thanks alot, buster!
Buster: *stands up in the 5th row* Hey, I resemble that remark!
McCoy: (to himself) Maybe this is all a halucination from that Romulan Ale we had last night. (into the comminicator) Enterprise! This is McCoy! Tell the Captain to get his big fat -
*There is the sound of the transporter again as Kirk and Spock reappear behind him*
McCoy continues: - fanny back down here! The alien tricked him!
Kirk: I know... *McCoy jumps*
McCoy: Dammit Jim! Don't sneak up on me like that! I can't believe you forgot I was standing right there behind you!
Kirk: Sorry, Bones. Where's that alien?
McCoy: He ducked out somewhere.
Spock: It seems that this universe's norms are made of jappery.
McCoy: You mean they joke around.
Spock: I believe I just said that, Doctor.
Kirk: I think I have "a hunch' to violate the Prime Directive!
Spock: Impossible, Captain. It applies to even a place such as this.
McCoy: ...It's awfully tempting, though.
Kirk: We still have a mission to accomplish here. By the way - have we figured out what's going on here?
Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand dumfounded as Captain Kirk, Mister Spock and Dr.McCoy look in suprise at the proceedings. Plucky, Hamton and Furball (as Capt. Quirk, Mr. Spork and Dr. Fur) as equally surprised.*
Kirk: Spock - anaylsis?
Spock: We seem to have beamed down into yet another parallel universe, Captain.
Kirk: Bones, what does the tricorder show?
McCoy: They're nothing like I've ever seen before, Jim! They seem like.. living drawings!
Spock: I believe that they are "Toons", Sir -
Pepe K.:Ahhh yes.. that's what most of us here are, Captain Kirk. Sorry about that before.
Kirk: (uneasily coming foward to shake hands) You speak english?
Laika: Da, most ov us. I am speakink english very good, yes?
Pepe K.: Screwy, ain't it?
Spock: Captain, they seem to be composed of "living" petroleum distillates and pigments.
Pepe K.: ..He means ink and paint. Welcome to the Tooniverse - a universe of animated beings - toons.
McCoy:(noticing Plucky, Hamton and Furball) Jim! ..They must be our counterparts here!
Spock: Odd - that we are co-existing in the same space and time.
Plucky: Greetings_ Captain! I_ am the Captain of the _Starship _Acme! *Hamton nudges him* Oh and uh..This is Mister Spork and Dr. Fur...but everybody calls him "Chicken-bones".
Furball: Nobody calls me that! Not even you, Jim! What am I?!- A Doctor or a Comedy Relief?!
Spock: It appears that you are disagreeable in both universes, Doctor.
McCoy: (smiles) Well Spock, you may not be a bearded pirate, but you look infintely better as a pig.
Hamton: Captain, these aliens appear to have impeccable taste.
Laika: Excuse please! We are for making presentations here!
Kirk: Oh!..sorry. Please continue.
Pepe K.: Tonight we'll be honoring the "Best Alternate Persona" in a Fanfic.
Plucky: I _ can't say _ that I think_ much...of mine.
Kirk: (aside to Spock and McCoy) Bones?...Do I talk...like that?
Spock and McCoy:(fumbling)...Uh... well... Not precisely...
Pepe K.: The authors had to produce a clear cut example of the "true opposites" of our beloved characters - creating someone either complex-ly evil or likeable.
Plucky: Humph! _Well, I can't _ honestly say that I care for mine,_ either!
Laika: So, de nominees for "Best Alternate Persona" are:
Pepe K.:The Acme County Shirley, from "Fractured Images" by Abel DuSable!
*applause*
Pluckton, in "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!
*applause. Plucky bounces around joyously as the other stare at him*
And The Empress from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico!
*applause*
Laika: And de vinner ov ze UKE Award for "Best Alternate Persona" iz -
Pepe K.(opens the envelope and reads. He is shocked!) Uhhhh... Ladies and Gentleman... uh.. Leloni is this correct?!
*A lavender bunny sticks her head out from behind the curtains*
Leloni: Yes! It's a tie! (she ducks backstage) *Everyone is surprised! The audience gasps!*
Pepe K.: Ladies and Gentlmen! We appear to have two nominees who scored exactly the same! - Both the Empress and Pluckton from "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" (by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico) seem to have won the UKE!!
Hamton: But as I recall, the Empress was hanged for her crimes.
Plucky: That's right!! SO I WIN!!...Uh.. I mean...Pluckton Wins! Very Good, Spork!
Pepe K. I suppose we should award her posthumously?... In any event - "Mondo Negatory Tiny Toons: The Other Side of Comedy" *rattles off the names again* (by Kevin Mickel, Mike Cote, Rebecca Littlehales, John Friedrich and Mike Demico) Whew! - is the winner! ...Now, could things get any _More Complex_??
*There is again the sound of a Transporter in use and everyone whirls around to see three more columns of atoms sparkling and forming into shape! Everyone gapes as the animated kirk, Spock and Dr. McCoy from the animated Filmation series materialize onstage alongside them! The real Captain kirk slaps his forehead and Captain Quirk (Plucky) nearly faints!*
Animated Captain Kirk: Spock!! What the Devil is going on?!?
*Plucky gulps and is about to explode in anger - but his corset bursts apart instead - leaving his belly flopping out!*
**************************************************************************** *******
Well, yet another one! (Sorry, I am gonna let the crews of the Starships figure this one out for themselves.)
The Empress and Pluckton were a joy to work with, and to create. Still, I must give the lions share to my co-authors here, they really laid the groundwork for both of them.
Thank you.
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stare in disbelief at all the starfleet uniforms. Plucky hides behind Hamton and stuffs himself back into his corset*
Both Spocks: Captain! We cannot co-exist with our counterparts in one universe. Therefore, logically, one must assume...
Both Kirks in stereo: That we'll destroy each other if we stay, by canceling one another out?
Both Dr. McCoys: (sigh) Well in that case, it's been nice knowing you!
*They each pull out a mint julep and drink it*
Both Spocks: I hardly think this is cause for celebration, Doctor.
Both McCoys: *laughs* Lighten up, Spock!
*A pause.....nothing happens*
Both McCoys: Well, suh! Ah don't think yer calculations were correct, Spock.
Both Kirks: Bones, how'd you get drunk so fast from one drink?
Both McCoys: ...And how often do I get a chance to have a belt?
Both Kirks: If this stereo keeps up - I may join you.
*Enter Ren and Stimpy as Space Commander Hoerk and Space Cadet Stimpy*
Ren: You Eeediots! You are RUINING the show! SCRAM! Get outta here! HIT THE ROAD, you boring old peeeeple!!
Both Kirks: Oh? And just _who_ are you? _We_ have a mission here.
Stimpy: Eeeuuuaaaaahh - This is Commander Hoerk! And uuuuhhh - I'm his faithful and eager Space Cadet 9th class - Stimpy!
*He snaps to attention sloppily*
*Daffy Duck (as DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2 CENTURY!!!!) leaps on to the stage, his cape flying and flopping over his big feet. Porky Pig enters demurely in his Space Cadet Suit, with a sarcastic grin*
Porky: N-n-nne- nope..I'm the Space Cadet..and c-c-c-comedy relief.
Daffy: If thereth a Space Hero to be found around here - It's Me!! DUCK DODGERS - IN THE 24TH AND A HALF CENTURY!!!!
Both Kirks: That's it! Let's get outta here.
Both McCoys: Yeah - there's too many hams around here.
Hamton and Porky: I resemble that remark!
Stimpy: Eeeah, I'll take care of things! I'll reverse polarity on my doohickie-thinggee-opafragistat - and we'll all simply Implode!
Both Kirks: (into their communicators) Scotty! Beam us up quick!
*as they're about to activate their various devices, Pepe K. halts them*
Pepe K.: STOP!!!!.... They'll be no gross humor on this show while I'm in charge! Let us make the next award _then_ do whatever you want...as long as I'm at the minimum safe distance.
*Everyone nods*
Pepe K.:Tonight we honor those Fanfics known as Crossovers.
Laika: Zat eez - a story zat haz characterz and situvations from anozzer cartoon or TV show -
Pepe K.: Sortov like this... So.. In the general category of Crossovers, for Best use of a Non-TTA charcter in a fanfic: The nominees are -
=============================================================
"Wholly confused, Batman! Where are we?"
The dark knight ignored the comment and drew a device from his utility belt. Training the blinking machine from side to side, Batman frowned and said, " Whatever it is - it's here."
"Yeah, but where's here? Everything looks - different! And they're-"
"Welcome to Acme Acres, Robin" said the Caped Crusader, walking to the other side of the roof.
"You're kidding?" Robin gaped.
His tall companion continued to scan their surroundings. Robin shrugged and followed him. "You're never kidding."
"It's centered over there". Robin's cape began to flap in the breeze.
"You really think the Riddler's involved in this? Time displacement isn't usually his thing, ya know?" Batman remained intent on his triangulation. " Ya know, I wish you were kidding!", the Boy Wonder exclaimed facetiously, " Then I wouldn't be stuck here, waiting for some bizarre super-villain to show up and wreak havoc!" The older man put his scanner away and fired his grappler down to the next building. "Couldn't ya kid around a little?" Robin asked with an exasperated smile. Batman swooped away and was soon lost to view. Robin threw up his hands and looked heavenward. "Of course I could, Robin!", he said adopting Batman's basso tones, "I am Vengeance! I am the Night!-" A sudden rumble of thunder cut him off. "Okay! Okay!" , he said cowering. His grappler fired with a sharp report and clanged into the opposite building. "Just once - just once?! Talk about a silent partner". Robin flew after his intense mentor.
=============================================================
Laika: Batman & Robin in A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven #1 by Pepe K.!
*Applause*
=============================================================
"We've got, I say, we've got a new student with us today, class. Transfer, that is. Class, this is..." Foghorn fumbled through his papers.
"My name's--" the student began.
"Don't interrupt me, boy, it's bad manners. Let's see, now..." He picked up a roll sheet.
The new student gently took the sheet from Foghorn, turned it right side up, and handed it back. He tossed an amused glance at the class.
"Chad Cheetah," Foghorn read. "Take a seat, boy, don't just stand up here staring. Nice kid, but about as bright as a lightning bug in a mudslide..."
Chad found an empty desk near the back and settled in, keenly aware of everyone watching him.
"You'll have to borrow someone's notes, son," said Foghorn. "Can't go back and reteach the whole first semester, now can we? You gotta keep up, boy, pull your own weight. Any of this gettin' through to you?"
Chad suppressed a sigh. Great. He didn't know anybody, and now he had to ask favors. He always hated the first day at a new school. But whatever didn't kill him...
His thoughts were interrupted when a paper airplane made a perfect landing on his desk. Curious, he unfolded it and read.
"Welcome to the madhouse! You can borrow my notes if you want. Buster Bunny."
Chad glanced around the room and found the blue rabbit, who nodded slightly.
Chad smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
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Captain Kirk:(reads)"Out of the Closet, Into the Fire" by Renee Carter Hall!
*Applause*
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Dot tossed Buster onto the living room floor, where he saw Wakko, holding a plate of burritos, being carded by Pete Wilson and Mike Huffington. Wakko showed them his California resident card, and the two cronies left. "Wow," said Wakko, "they're serious about these new anti- immigration laws."
"Why did they card you, Wakko?" asked Dot.
Wakko pointed down to his serving tray. "The burritos."
Buster sat up and looked around the room, but couldn't find his squeeze. "Where's Babs?" he asked.
Dot zipped over to Buster and laid his head on her lap. "Oh, what do you want with her anyway...when you could have me?"
Buster quickly got up and began looking around for Babs. Wakko pointed over to the kitchen. "I think they went in there." Buster ran off as Wakko dumped the tray's contents into his mouth. "Deee-licious!"
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Plucky (as Capt. Quirk): Mike Cote's use of Wakko in "A Really Very Special Tiny Toons Thanksgiving... I guess."!
*Applause*
=============================================================
CHIP
So. . .how many missions is this for you Mr. Darkwing?
DARKWING
My name isn't Mr. Darkwing. It's Darkwing. And I've done more missions than the acorns on this tree!
DALE(in an attempt to change the subject)
That outfit is really neat! I'll bet your cape is bullet proof...
DARKWING
I don't need a bulletproof cape.
DALE
Uh...why not?
DARKWING(evily)
One look at me and the criminals run in fear...
MONTEREY(teasing like)
So you and the Phantom of the Opera are good friends, huh?
DARKWING
Watch who your insulting lardball, in fact, are you sure you've been shrunk down? I think Gyro's computer had a glitch..
MONTEREY
Why you little...
DARKWING(boasting)
...or maybe your just big boned?
Vincent interrupts in a calm yet forceful tone.
VINCENT
(snidly)
Excuse me. Mr. Darkwing sir. Can I have a word with you?
Vincent makes several gestures indicating he wants to go over in the corner to talk. They both get up and go over in the corner. Everyone stares.
CHIP
Now look what you've done, Monterey!?
GADGET
You were just kidding, right? Monty?
Monterey has become hot and bothered by the peeved duck.
CHIP
They haven't been here for 30 minutes already you've upset them.
=============================================================
Daffy (as Duck Dodgers):Chip in "Copyrats"!
*Applause*
=============================================================
Dot spoke quietly and determinedly, "Payback time."
She sprang out and fired-- "Shoom- shoom- shoom!!!"
There was a muffled cry of surprise, and a shockwave ran through the fort ahead.
"YES!!! Got him!!" Dot cried, leaping into the air.
Then, without warning, there was a battle cry, and a flash of black, white, and tan pounced on them, knocking Dr. Scratchansniff's breath out. Before he could get up, he was being pummeled with a pillow.
Adding further to the confusion, Wakko ran over and tackled Yakko from behind. They all ended up in a confused heap, with the collapsed walls of the fort on top of them.
Someone stepped on Dr. Scratchansniff's face. He closed his eyes and wondered if he could hide there forever, but soon the mattress was lifted, and the Warners peered down at him.
"All right!" Yakko cried. "Our first POW!"
"Wow! Can we feed him gruel and ransom him to the studio?!" Dot cried, as Wakko tried to tie his hands.
"No, no, NO!" Dr. Scratchansniff cried, wrenching his hands free and knocking Wakko onto his butt in the process.
Dr. Scratchansniff tried to calm down. "I'm just here to tell you zat Mr. Plotz vants to see you."
"Mr. Plotz said THAT?" Yakko asked, awed.
"Doesn't sound like our Plotz!" Dot said, surprised.
"I know!" Wakko exclaimed, suddenly, "He's probably been brainwashed by aliens! That's it!" He scrambled to his feet and dashed to the door, calling, "C'mon, we gotta save him...!!"
Yakko and Dot looked at each other.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh... remind me not to let him watch 'X-Files' next week."
=============================================================
Ren: The Warners een "Out of the Water Tower"!
*Applause*
=============================================================
Dr. Sam Beckett felt himself falling, the same as he always did right before he was to leap into someone else's life. What would happen to him this time? Where would he be? WHO would he be?
In moments, reality coalesced around him, but what a reality! He found himself standing in a meadow unlike any meadow he'd ever seem before. The colors were bright and almost unnatural, and everything seemed to have a thin black outline around it. Sam also noticed that he was running. He looked behind him and saw a strange purple spinning -- THING that was bearing down on him. Alarmed, he started to run faster, and as he was busy watching the whatever-it-was, he failed to notice that he had run off the edge of a cliff. As he hit the ground with an ear shattering "THUD!" it was all he could do to mutter, "Oh, boy!"
=============================================================
Spock: Quantoon Leap.
*Applause*
=============================================================
An agurment continues between everyone against Plucky as they try to find the Weenie Burger. Unaware that a strange shadow is gaining speed and running towards them. What could this creature be? What is his perpose?
Plucky: One last time, we are not lost.
Everyone else: One last time, yes we are!
Shadow: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH---
The creature leaps and startels the four. Little did the creature realize that he was going land past them.
Shadow: OOWWW--
Splat. The creature lands in the muddy ground making a print of his body. All four blink as the creature slowly stands and spins. No, it's not a Tasmanian devil. It's something else.
Buster: Umm, hello?
The creature turns to show his fury. His left eye is crooked. Either he is dizzy or just plain stoned.
Plucky: I think I've seen him before.
Babs: Knock it off, Plucky. What kind of creature are you, sir.
The creature moves his head closer to the four and sniffs at each one. Except Fifi because he knows what to expect from a skunk. The creature blinks a few times before he speaks.
Shadow: Crash Banditcoot.
=============================================================
Stimpy: uuuhhh - Crash Bandicoot!
*Applause*
=============================================================
"Oh, please don't look at me like that, Bugsy, I _said_ I was sorry," she pleaded, her lower lip quivering uncontrollably, tears starting to form in her ever-expressive deep dark chocolate brown eyes. That was all Bugs had to see.
"Ohhh...all right, Duchess," he relented, addressing her by the most affectionate nickname he had for her. "Dry them there eyes. I can't stay mad at ya. Anyways, it's my fault, I guess I shoulda checked da plane again before we took off."
"Again?" Honey asked, regaining some of her composure.
"Yeah, I'd had da plane prepped for takeoff yesterday, but Looniversity stuff came up, and I didn't get back out to da airfield until...uh...ya feelin' okay, Buster?" Bugs finally asked, noticing the little blue (not to mention slightly green) bunny.
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..."
Honey smiled. "He'll be all right, Bugs. Now, you were saying?"
"Well, it all concoins dis telegram...did ya ever meet my Uncle Buck?"
At the mention of his name, Honey's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Yes, when I was a teenager! Gosh, I haven't seen Buck in years! How is he?"
=============================================================
Porky:A-a-and Honey Bunny in "Who's Minding the Mine?" by L-L- Lee Withers
*Applause*
Pepe K.: And the Winner of Best use of a Non-TTA charcter in a fanfic, goes to (opens the envelope) ..."Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag! Congratulations!
**************************************************************************** *******
[no reply given]
**************************************************************************** *******
Kirk: Fine, now how do we get outta here?
Animated Kirk: I thought I said that.
Stimpy: Wait! I have the answer! (pulls out a strange table with a huge red button on it)
Ren: NO!!!!! THAT'S THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON, YOU FOOL!!!!!
*Everyone scrambles to stop him, but Stimpy cannot resist pressing the jolly, candy-like button - the beautiful SHINY button - that beckons him ever closer!...and he presses it!*
Everyone (except the Spocks): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T- !!!!!
*Too late! An Alarm rings and they all dissappear! The Audience gasps in shock.....till Laika and Pepe K. reappear through a trapdoor in the stage floor.*
Pepe K.:..Whew!.....Moving right along.....
;)
**************************************************************************** *******
Do to John K's public and vitriolic hatred and continual denigration of Tiny Toons, I ask that Ren and Stimpy nor any other John K. character appear here ever again.
Kevin
**************************************************************************** *******
Sorry, I didn't know.
Pepe
**************************************************************************** *******
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov stand at the podium*
Pepe K.: And the show goes on! And to continue our cultured and sophisticated evening of Crossover Awards - here are some Guest Stars to present the Award for the "Best Interaction between TTA characters and non- TTA characters" - George of the Jungle and his friend Ape!
*applause as Ape (the Jay Ward gorilla) comes out in white tie and tails (but no pants). He speaks in a high class Harvard accent*
Ape: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlmen, I'm terribly glad to be able to come out of our late-night rare re-runs in order to address you at this ceramony. My associate George of the Jungle - *pause as they look around for the jungle hero* - seems to have gone missing.
George: (As he swings in on a vine) AAAAAHHHEEEAAAAHHHEEEAAAAAHHHHEEEEAAAAAAHHHEEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!! *CRASH* OOOOOO!!!
*he hits the side of the proscenium wall and slides down on his face*
Ape: (dryly) Well, he may have missed his entrance, but at least he didn't miss the wall.
*George gets up and wanders dizzily over to fall at Ape's feet*
Pepe K.: George, Are you alright?
Ape: George never has been, really.
George:(standing) George try to remember joke to tell to audience!
Ape: Thinking and swinging on a vine simultaneously? That's too much of a difficult task for you, George.
Laika: And deed you remember joke, Meester Ape-man dolt?
George: Yes! George remember! Idea strike George when George hit wall (aside, confidentially)...wall much harder than trees.
Ape:(wryly) Well, at least something struck him funny.
George: George remember time when George and Comissioner try to stop bad guys from stealing jungle railroad tracks!
Pepe K.: And what was funny about that, George?
George:(grins)..."Steel tracks!!" Ohohohohohahahahahahahahahahahaa!
*George is rolling on the floor laughing at this*
Ape:(rolling his eyes) Oh dear, not that one again.
*George is still laughting*
Pepe K.: Well.... moving right along-
Ape: Yes, of course! *George is still laughing* Uh....George? *it's no good, George won't stop chuckling* Well, anyway - tonight's award is for the Best Interaction between TTA characters and non-TTA characters.
George:(still laughing) "Steel Tracks"! Hahahahahaha!
Ape: ..Geeeeeorge?
*George won't quit but quiets down to a snicker*
=============================================================
Even with both of them pulling on it, there was still considerable resistance for a few seconds before the background popped down, and when it finally did, Buster and Babs were shocked by what they saw. Seated at a large table were several well known Toons from several different studios. From WB there was Porky Pig and Elmer Fudd, from Universal was Woody Woodpecker, from the Fleischer Bros. studio, Betty Boop and Popeye, and from Disney there was Mickey Mouse. From the comic books, and propped up on an easel in a white cardboard frame was Scrooge McDuck. "Oh good, you made it" said Mickey when he saw them. Then, shaking his head, he added under his breath, "I always wished that Walt had let us do things like that."
=============================================================
Pepe K.: The nominees are: "What's in a Name?" - the scene of Buster and Babs being offered help from various toons from other studios - by Kevin Mickel!
*Applause*
=============================================================
"Excuse me, but may I borrow your microphone?" asked Speed.
The big fowl handed it to him and asked
"Whut are you here for, then - Mistah Racer?"
Speed set himself up before the camera with the mike.
"Oh - speed trials" he said over his shoulder.
He smiled at Miss Prissy and brushed back a forelock of his black hair, as she focused on him. His face appeared onscreen and he announced
" Hi, I'm Speed Racer and I'll be judging the contestants in today's race."
=============================================================
Ape: Speed Racer's interaction with Fifi, Hamton, Plucky, Dizzy & Gogo in A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven: Part 4 by Pepe K.
*Applause. Pepe K. blushes*
=============================================================
DARKWING
They all could be. That's why were mobile. You'll go with Launchpad in the miniplane. Vincent, Dale, Gadget, Monterey and Zipper will ride in one HumVee. Calamity and I will take the other and stay behind with the gear.
CHIP
And we don't contact Admiral Grimmitz's Aircraft Carrier until we've found what were looking for.
=============================================================
Ape: (putting a card before George's eyes) Read this, George.
George:(stops laughing and trys to read it with crossed eyes) Uhhh.. R-E-S- Q..R-A-M-...um, well... George can read D-U-C-K! That spell Dog!
Ape:*sighs* Oh, never mind George! (reads) The Rescue Rangers and Darkwing Duck and the TTA characters in "Copyrats".
*Applause*
George: That what it say?
*everyone else rolls their eyes*
=============================================================
After class, Buster handed his notebook to Chad and introduced him to Babs, Plucky, and Hamton.
"What's your next class?" Babs asked.
"Um..." He pulled his schedule from his pocket. "Spin Changes Workshop."
"I'm in that one, too," said Babs. "I'll walk with you."
The first bell rang. "See you guys at lunch," Buster called.
"Did you have this class at your old school?" asked Babs as they headed down the hall.
"Not quite," said Chad. "Is it hard?"
"Not really. I'll show you." Babs did a quick spin and reappeared in a Jessica Rabbit-style sequined dress. "'I'm not bad,'" she purred, "'I'm just drawn that way.'"
He chuckled. "Pretty good."
She spun back into her regular outfit. "That's the first time a guy hasn't done a wild take at that."
"Well, I don't have much practice with those, either. But if I did, it would have been worthy of one."
Babs smiled. "You're a fast learner. Come on--we'll be late."
=============================================================
Laika: "Out of the Closet, Into the Fire" by Renee Carter Hall!
*Applause*
=============================================================
"I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." he repeated forlornly, gripping the armrests for dear life. Honey felt it best not to ask Buster any more questions, and if at all possible, not to talk to Bugs until he'd cooled off. She really couldn't blame him for being ticked off at them; after all, it was Honey who had talked Buster into having a "look" at Bugs's plane (Buster had never seen it before), and it was while they were seated in the back that Bugs and Sam had somehow, suddenly, and without even looking in the back of the plane, picked that precise moment to file a revised flight plan to a place called Gower Gulch, and then took off before even noticing that they had company. In fact, they were halfway to their destination before Buster had made their presence known (by whining "I hate flying, I hate flying, I hate flying..." like a broken record). But Buster and Honey Bunny (norelation!) were there now, and Bugs was just going to have to deal with it as best he could. He continued to glower at Honey as if to say he'd deal with _her_ as soon as they landed.
=============================================================
Pepe K.: And Honey Bunny in "Who's Minding the Mine?" by Lee Withers!
*Applause. Bugs hugs Honey as they watch from their theatre box.
Ape: And the winner of the UKE Award for the Best Interaction between TTA characters and non-TTA characters goes to.... (opens the envelope) ... A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven Part 4 by Pepe K., featuring Speed Racer's interaction with Fifi, Hamton, Plucky, Dizzy Devil & Gogo Dodo.
*Applause as Pepe K. gulps and takes the envelope to read it*
Pepe K.: Uhh.. Leloni.. is this official?
Leloni Bunny: (pops out of the prompters box) Yeahyeahyeah, it is! C'mon, C'mon! *The lavender femmebunny ducks out of sight again*
Pepe K.: Uh, well.. gee, thanks very for this award, folks!
*gets the award and a kiss from Laika*
*applause*
Pepe K.: Well I have to thank those who were involved - Gogo Dodo, Dizzy Devil, Plucky Duck -
Plucky:(leaps up onto the stage) Ah yes! Thankyew, thankyew and thank You!
*Dizzy spins onstage to look at Ape*
Dizzy: YAGHFERIZTAGEBBLEAAACKPPPT! MMMMMM! Been long time since me eat Gorilla-burger!
Ape:(cringing) I Sir, am Not an hors'd ouerv!
*An Acme Deliveryman drives up an a motorscooter*
Deliverman: Package for Laika Romanov!
*Pause as Laika signs for it. The Deliveryman zips offstage, grumbling about getting tipped with Slobovian currency. Laika opens it and finds Gogo inside*
Gogo: (Grabbing Laika and smooching her) Hiya Hot Happening Babe!
*Laika grabs the Dodo and flings him from side to side, slamming him on the floor HB judo-style*
Laika: MALE CHAUVANEEST PEEG!!
Gogo: (A bruised heap on the floor with stars and planets whirling around his head) OOO! Baby! That's what I Like!
* spin changes into the Big Bopper. Fifi and Hamton arrive.*
Fifi: Male peegz are kinda cute, Laika. Do not knock eet teel vous try eet.
Plucky:(to Gogo) I thought you only were into inanimate objects?
Gogo: Hey, I may be insane, but I'm not stupid! Whatta woman!
*He does a Tex Avery fly apart wild take at Laika, who whomps him again, reducing him to 100 tiny Dodos, who skitter about. Dizzy grabs Ape and is about to try and eat him*
Dizzy: MMMMMMM! Dizzy Hungry!
Ape: George! Do something! I'm being man-handled by this ruffian!
George: What ruffian?
Ape: THIS ruffian!!
George:(to Dizzy) You really from Ruffia?
Pepe K. Ah... yes, Fifi and Hamton - and of course Speed Racer.
*There is a tremndous CRASH as the the Mach 5 smashes a hole in the wall, it's roto-saws spinning and lands on the stage, flattening Dizzy, Plucky and Gogo! George leaps into Ape's arms.*
Speed Racer:(standing up in the cockpit of the Mach 5) Wow I made it just in the nick of time!
Pepe K.: Good Grief! This is getting out of hand!
*Plucky and the others squirm out from under the white racing car, but remain flat as pancakes*
Plucky: Medic!
George: George Help! George call faithful dog, Shep! (whistles) Here Shep! Here boy!
Ape: No George! Don't!!
*Too late! There is a rumble and the sound of trumpeting as George's "doggie" Shep stampedes out from backstage - a huge African elephant that tramples everyone and everything! Amidst the cries, the stage becomes a big cloud-battle. A battered Pepe K. sticks his head out.*
Pepe K.: We'll back right back ...after a word from our sponcer - the Acme Insurance Agency!
*The skunk is pulled back into the cloud-battle and the sounds of cartoon violence resound throughout the theatre. Suddenly the battle is over. After the dust settles, we see everyone is piled in a heap, except George of the Jungle. He looks to the audience. A grin appears on his face*
George: "Steel Track!" Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
;)
Pepe k.
**************************************************************************** *******
*As the stage curtain opens, Pete Puma is caught onstage cleaning up the last of the mess*
Pete: Sheeeeeesh! This is the last time ah pick after uh ellyphant! Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!
*he notices the audience and - with a sheepish grin - pretends to dance with his mop like Fred Astaire. Unfortunately, he can't dance...at all*
*Pepe K. and Laika Romanov reappear, each wearing new clean outfits*
Pepe K.: Uh, thanks for the cover, Pete.
*The Puma finally notices them and shovels the last of the mess offstage*
Pete: You better be careful! Parts of the floor are still wet. (he slips on a wet spot, flips and ends up falling down with his bucket on his head) See?
Pepe K.: Hmm, yes. thanks again.
*Pete slips and slides his way out*
Pepe K.: And now we'll continue - *he slips on the floor on his way to the podium* Whooooops! W-w-w-w-with our show!
Laika:(stops and gauges the distance to the podium) What eez next award?
*Laika crouches and suddenly leaps 12 feet into the air like a super- kangroo - and lands easily at the podium*
Pepe K.(amazed) It's the Best Crossover Award...Wow, I've never seen you do that before!
Laika: Zat eez theeng we Jerboas do - Jerboa jump.
*Jerboa Jump (from the Adventures of Tennesee Tuxedo) stands up in the 18th row*
Jerboa Jump: That's my name - don't wear it out!
*They stare at him as he re-seats himself*
***********************************
It's me again. I apologize for once more sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but I've had another insight into what was going on elsewhere. With no further ado, except to thank PepeK for including 'sackinfrassinrassintassin... rassyrickrastardly' & Muttley - 2 of my all- time favorite H-B characters - in this portion, awayyyyy we go (wouldya believe I've never seen the Jackie Gleason Show, or even an entire ep of The Honeymooners?).
Meanwhile, in the Carrotte box:
Rhubella: "You can put your eyes back into their sockets any time now, Roddy."
Roderick: "Hmm? Oh, sorry, babe. It wasn't her, I just found that jump fascinating."
Rhubella: "Hmm, well in that case, remind me to do some jumping of my own later, on your head."
Roderick: "That's it! I knew I'd seen that jump somewhere before. You do it too, that leap. You thing she's related?"
Denys: "I can answer that, Roderick, & the answer is no. We're not even the same animal, tho many make that mistake. She's a jerboa & I'm a kangaroo rat. It's a subtle difference, but it is there."
Rhonda: "That reminds me, aren't kangaroo rats native to North America?"
Denys: "Yes, Ronny. The same southwestern deserts as the Road Runner."
Rhonda: "So how'd you come to be in Australia?"
Denys: "Well, my family moved there a couple generations ago. We know what Road Runners do to rodents, you know."
...back to the show.
Nefaria
***********************************
Pepe K.:Anyway, our next guest star is-
Laika:(aside) I hev been meaning to be speakink to you about heem..ah theenk he is being a sneaky crook.
Offstage voice: Who are you calling a sneaky crook? I'm the crooky-est crook of them all!
Pepe K.: ..How about crookedest sneak?
Offstage voice: That too!
Pepe K. Ladies and Gentlemen - my favorite villains - those two double- dealing do-badders - Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley!
*Dick Dastardly strides out to the podium and Muttley follows*
***********************************
As the band plays "Stop That Pigeon", the theme to "Dastardly & Muttley In Their Flying Machines".
Nefaria
***********************************
Dick D.: Grrrreetings groundlings! I am here to present the UKE Award for Best Crossover! (aside) And to steal it! Right, Muttley?
Muttley:Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah!
(He laughs his sniggering laugh)
============================================================
"Wonderful," muttered Sam. "I'm a cartoon character who's the star of a show doomed to failure."
"Well, it could have been worse."
"How?" hissed Sam.
"Uhm," said Al hesitatingly, "well, you could of, uhm, uh -- well, no I guess it couldn't have been. Anyway, let me get back and run a few numbers through Ziggy. In the meantime, you just, well, act like a rabbit."
"Oh? And how am I supposed to do that?" asked Sam in exasperation.
"Oh, you know, eat some carrots, act timid, mate like a bunny..."
"AL!!!!" shouted Sam.
"Okay, okay, don't lose your hare."
"So help me, Al, if you weren't a hologram and my best friend, I'd deck you."
"Well then it's a good thing I am, right?" With that, Al pressed the button on his handlink that opened his "door" and left Sam alone with the problem of trying to figure out how he was going to climb up a five hundred foot cliff.
Sam blinked. He didn't have to worry, he was at the top of the cliff already! "About time you got back," said a short dumpy cartoon guy with thick black-rimmed glasses and wavy brown hair which was impossibly long in front. "Buster, are you awake in there? It's time for the next scene. What took you so long?"
"Huh? Oh, I, um...guess I'm low on iron or something," muttered Sam.
"Not that again. Carrots for the rabbit!" the man shouted to one of his assistants.
"Right away, Mr. de Ville," said a pink girl rabbit, and she hopped off.
============================================================
Dick D.: So without further adieu - or further warning - the nominees for Best Crossover are: "Quantoon Leap"!
*Applause*
============================================================
Gosalyn's face brightened at that announcement. "Awesome! Shirley the Loon is gonna be my new neighbor!"
"Oh," said Shirley with a faint grin, "actually, it's Shirley Duck now. Plucky and I got married three years ago. I'm surprised you didn't know. It was, like, in all the trades and stuff."
Gosalyn shook her head. "Well, that was about the same time that Dad finally married Morgana. I was kinda busy then."
"Oh, well, that explains it. You were to totally busy with stuff of your own to notice."
"Something like that," said Gos with a wry smile. "Anyway, how come you're moving to St. Canard?"
"Well, it's like this. Acme Loo is gonna be opening a new satellite campus here. Plucky and I are gonna be on staff, and Daffy's gonna be the dean, or some junk."
============================================================
Laika: "Ducks Out of Luck"!
*Applause*
============================================================
The roar of jet and rocket engines reached them as Lord grinned.
"Jimmy?", he asked, "May I?"
"Sure" exclaimed the boy.
As the two shapes got closer, Lord mentally put forth an old theme song. Bongo drums and guitar played a kitchy background as basso voices sang the thrilling song. Fifi and Hamton looked up as the tiny figures flew closer - one small - the other huge. Both were Two-Tone anime robots. The smaller one appeared like a bare-chested schoolboy with jets in his feet. The other was a titanic man of metal - eyes glaring from underneath a crested helmet, with a pair of blazing rockets strapped to his back. As Jimmy manipulated his controls, the metallic giant soared around in aerobatic loops, his great steel fists thrust out straight before him.
"Ready to Fight for Right! - Against Wrong!" sang the deep voices. The group of toons below watched in awe as the two robots descended vertically to land on the lawn opposite them. The small robot had black peaked "hair" and stood no taller than Plucky. The rounded titan next to him dwarfed the mansion - standing over thirty feet tall. It was Astroboy and the mighty Gigantor!
" Mission Accomplished, Doctor Lord!" said Astroboy brightly.
"Well done, Astroboy!", said the Doctor, shaking his hand, "Where's your passenger?"
"Gigantor has him" said the little robot, pointing up to the giant's closed fist. A muffled voice came from Gigantor's hand.
"Hey! Stop all this twirling around before I get sick! Let Me OUT!" Gigantor's great bulk kneeled on the grass and put out an oversized hand. He opened his tremendous hand and out staggered Kimba the White Lion! Stars and planets spun around his head as he collapsed onto the grass. Kimba moaned and closed his eyes.
"Kimba! Are you alright ?!" cried Speed as they all rushed to his side. The lion raised his black-tipped ears and looked up.
"Speed? Is that you?" he asked, his large eyes shining hopefully.
"Kimba, you've made it out safely" said Lord, stooping down to help him up. "My friends, this is Kimba, King of the Jungle. Are you alright, your Majesty? "
"Nothing that a few good meals couldn't fix" said Kimba rising shakily to his feet.
============================================================
Dick D.: HEY! I'm the presenter here! (I'm getting paid by the line for this.)...And "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K.
*Applause*
============================================================
The Brain monitors the controls of his super computer. Fat Cat watches closely behind.
BRAIN
Yes, my dear Darkwing. You *never* know who'll be listening.
The Brain turns to Fat Cat with anger.
BRIAN(con't)
You brought them here!?
FAT CAT
No. . I. . it was. .
BRAIN
They must of tracked your cursed explosion. But how could they find the island so fast? (PAUSE) When I talked to you in the limo.
FAT CAT
How? The frequencies are custom!
BRAIN
The Crystal. Cursed all. The crystal has the power to amplify radio signals. It must of bled over to another frequency. Rats!
FAT CAT
But what will we do about them?
BRAIN
Fortunately, if my calculations our correct. . .and they always are. They'll head to the hottest points on the island.
FAT CAT(clenching fists)
Ewoooo. A massacre. I like it all ready.
BRAIN
Exactly.
============================================================
Dick D.: Oooo! You're writing one? Can I be in it? (Muttley nudges him) Oh rrrright! Uh...and "Copyrats"!
*Applause*
Dick D.: And the winner of the UKE Award for the Best Crossover is -.....Me! Dick Dastardly! MuHuHahahahahahaaaaa!
Pepe K.: What?!!! But you weren't even nominated!!
Laika: You are not even being zee TTA Fanfic author!!
Dick D.:(Seizing the golden UKE Award) Sure I am! - I wrote my own Crook Book!! *holds up a book with his picture on the cover* Get 'em while they're piping hot, folks! Only 100 bucks!
Pepe K.: Hot books?!?
Dick D.: Of course they're hot, You dunder-heads! I STOLE them! NeeheeeheeeHahahahaaaaa! Just like I'm stealing this award!
(A sudden dark evil voice stops them all from offstage)
Voice: Ohhhhh no you are not! For if there is to be any stealing done here today - there will only be ONE PERSON who is doing that stealing! YES! There is only ONE true evil genius here to claim that which he is claiming now! Only ONE master criminal will lay ahold of that golden statue!
Pepe K.: Oh no!! Can it be?!???
Laika: Nyet! It could not be!!
Voice: Oh, yes it could be!! And it IS!!!
Pepe and Laika: OH NO!!!
*A short dark figure emerges from the shadows at stage left*
Voice: Yes!! YES!!!!! ...Uh could I have some lights, please? *the lights come up on him revealing his identity!* It is I - MOJO JOJO!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! *he whips out a ray gun* And with this clever invention (that I have created myself) - shall I steal the Award from the clutches of an obviously bumbling old-school villain such as yourself! *he fires his gun, the beam snatching the UKEie from Dastardly's hands*
Dick D.: That's what YOU think! Muttley - Fetch!!
Muttley:(sitting down) Unh-uh!
Dick D.: WHAT?! Go on you muttering, mumbling mongerel!!
Muttley:(laying down) Uhn-uh!! Medal??
Dick D.: Oh no, not another medal! It's the last one the General gave me!!
*Muttley shrugs like he doesn't care*
Dick D.: Oh, all rright! (hands it to him) *Muttley pins it on himself and starts to go into one of his ecstatic flights* C'Mon! C'Mon! We don't have all day!!
Muttley:(approaching Mojo Jojo) Sanaranafrazzin' Rick Rastary! (he barks at Mojo Jojo)
Mojo: OH no! Not THIS time! (shows a metal armored plate on his posterior) No dogs - No running - No biting. Got that? No dogs - No running - No biting....(looks at the UKE and stops) Hey, wait a minute.....this is not an Academy Award!!! What is going on here?! I demand to know!
Pepe K.: Uhhh, Mister Mojo - that's a UKE Award.
Mojo: What?!? ...Isn't this the Oscars?
Laika: Nyet, eetz de UKE Awards.
Pepe K.: Uhh, I think you're looking for Hollywood.
*Mojo Jojo stands muttering to himself a moment then tosses the UKE to Pepe K. and shuffles offstage*
Mojo: (as he leaves) Stupid address book!
*Muttley looks at his medal skeptically and tries biting it. It bends in his teeth, obviously a cheap imitation. He turns barking at Dastardly*
Muttley:Sannarannafrazzin' cheapskate!! (starts chasing Dastardly around the stage)
Dick D.: Waitaminute! Muttleeeey!! I-I I'll get you a better medal! A REAL one this time! I promise! How about a date with Colleen of the Road Rovers??!
*Muttley stops a moment to think about that one, but suddenly continues barking and chases Dick Dastardly out of the theatre*
***********************************
Meanwhile, in the rec. room of a certain underground complex in New Mexico, Hunter & Colleen are on the sofa in front of a TV / computer on which the UKEs are playing. Hunter is massaging Colleen's 'twisted ankle' which she sustained earlier in the Awards. Suddenly Colleen is upset by what she sees.
Colleen: "There they go again! Another ref to setting someone up with me. As if I had my nice little black book all spread out & ready for the gents' phone numbers. Maybe that rat-whatever had a point; chauvinist pigs, every one of them."
Hunter: "I'm sure no offense was meant, Colleen. You probably get more of this because you're the only female member of the original team."
Colleen: "You mean you get this kind of stuff too?"
Hunter: "And Exile, and Shag, & a couple of females are even falling for Muzzle. Oh, and Blitz."
Colleen: "'Oo?"
Hunter: "The Doberman?"
Colleen: "Oh, 'im. Have I met 'im yet?"
Blitz (passing the room @ the time & hearing his name mentioned): "Okay, keep it up in there, & the gnashing of the mushy parts will start."
Colleen: "Oh really? By you & what army, Blotter?"
Blitz: "Zat is it! Let the biting begin!"
But before he can start Colleen finishes him, amidst periodic yells of 'Detennnnn- tion!!!' & 'Gen! -era!! -tion O!!!
Hunter: "You alright, Blitz?"
Blitz: "Just call me a reconstructive surgeon... ooohhhh... *thunk!* "
Hunter: "You're a reconstructive surgeon." (to Colleen) "Why'd he want me to call him that?"
Colleen: "Hah! Now, there's your comedy!"
Hunter (noticing): "Hey, Colleen, you're better!"
Colleen (remembering she's supposed to be injured): "AAAUUUGGGGHH!!" (falls)
Of course the fast Hunter is there to catch her before she hits the floor.
Hunter: "I don't understand; you were beating up Blitz like there was nothing wrong?"
Colleen: "Must've been a delayed reflex, Huntie."
Hunter: "Are you sure?"
Colleen: "'Untie, I'm the one 'ere with the medical experience; I know what I'm talking about."
Hunter: "Okkay, cool."
Colleen: "Will you take me back to the sofa, Huntie?"
Hunter: "Okkay."
Colleen: "By the way, why do you think Muttley gives that bloke such trouble?"
Hunter: "Because the jerk deserves it. And to score points with his cousin Mumbley, the police lieutenant."
...and back to the UKEs.
Nefaria
***********************************
Dick D.: (as they disappear) MUTTLEEEEY!!!
Laika: Whew! Next time - I book dee guest stars, da?
Pepe K.: Da! ...by the way, who won?
Laika: (opens the envelope and laughs)
Pepe K.: So?..What's so funny? Who won the Best Crossover Award?
Laika: You did! (reads) "A Time To Every Purpose Unto Heaven" by Pepe K. iz winner!
Pepe K.: (nonplused) Well whatdya know about that?
Laika: And dees von you actually had to fight for, da?
Pepe K.: Against villains, no less!
*Suddenly there's a SMASH as the Power Puff Girls break in through the ceiling!*
Blossom: Hey! You guys seen a villainous green-faced monkey come in here?
Pepe K.: (pointing) He went thataway.
Blossom: Thanks, Mister Skunk!
Buttercup: Monkeys are bad people-
Bubbles:(singing the song) "And so - are you!" (she and the others giggle and fly away - making another big hole in the ceiling)
Pepe K.: "Hurry girls, hurry!"
***********************************
Now we see the Cartoon Network section, where sit the Professor, the Mayor, Miss Bellum, and an unseen Narrator.
Narrator: "Hey, that's my line!"
Bellum: "Calm down, Narrator."
Narrator: "Allright."
Professor: "I'd thot I'd taught those girls better than that. Not all monkeys are evil. For instance, that monkey who helped them defeat the Beat- Alls."
Mayor: "How'd you get in touch with her, anyway?"
Professor: "She came in through the bathroom window." (turns his attention to the hot dog he's holding) "Mmm, a taste of honey, some glass onion, & I am in pepperland. Yes, happiness is a warm bun in your hand. (accidentally squirts hot mustard on his pants) YYEEOOWW!! You mean Mr. Mustard! (arises) Please excuse me, everyone."
Mayor: "What're you going to be doing, Professor?"
Professor: "Fixing a hole, in my pants." (leaves)
Mayor: "I wonder what he meant by that? Oh well, I guess everybody's got something to hide except me & my monkey."
Bellum: "Actually, Mayor, that's Rocky Raccoon."
Rocky: "Hokey smoke! I'm a squirrell, lady. I only look somewhat like a raccoon because I finally tried to actually use my aviators' goggles."
Bellum: "My apologies."
And so we leave this meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society for more UKEs fun.
Nefaria
***********************************
Laika: (stares at him a moment) So. You are grateful for dis award, da?
Pepe K.: Da! Thank you everyone for this! Thanks very much!...(aside) You think we'll get combat pay for this?
*He takes a step and trips on the still wet stage, ending up on his face*
Laika: I HOPE so!
;)
Pepe k.
**************************************************************************** *******
*The Girls saunter to the podium, dripping with glamour*
Shirley: (blinks) Well.. like, _that_ wuz overdone, or what?
Babs & Fifi: "What."
Fifi: Oui, oui! Zees - how you say? -glamour girl image theeng eez too much, no?
Babs: Of course!...(smiles) - but some of us don't mind it.
Fifi: Oui! Naturalmente`!
Shirley: Fer shure! *they break up giggling*
*Pepe K. enters the circle of ladies with Laika*
Pepe K.:(smiles) Ladies, you all look magnificent this evening.
Fifi: Merci beaucoup, Monsieur K!
Shirley:(blushing) Yeah, thanks!
Babs:(with a Garbo-esque pose) "My beauty... is my curse!"
*Pepe K. and the others smile, smirk and pretend to go along with it*
Pepe K.: Oh absolutely! Of course!
*They all suddenly break up laughing*
Pepe K.: Tonight's UKE Award is the last of the Crossover Awards - for "The Best, Most Seamless Crossover In A Story."
============================================================
What "it" was, was the body of Dr. Otto Scratchansniff, hanging upside down...and very dead. Buster only saw him for a few, very brief moments, but the image was burned indelibly into his mind. The bullet hole in his forehead over the right eye told the tale, and the blood from it covered his face and his rumpled shirt collar. The most horrifying thing for Buster were the dead eyes, which were open wide and fixed in terror. His mouth was open slightly, and in some macabre manner seemed to be pleading for help.
Buster's eyeballs started from their sockets, and the blue in his face completely drained to white. "Mmmm*MMMMM*!!" Buster uttered as he pulled out of their kiss.
"Mmm, I liked it, too," purred Babs. "Care for seconds?"
"No!! Babs! I just saw Dr. Scratchansniff - outside! *Dead*!!" cried Buster in fright. "Oh, Babsie! I saw him! He's been murdered!"
============================================================
Babs: The nominees are: "Silver Smudge" by Paul Zook!
*Applause*
Babs: Hey! That's my good friend Peter Bunny! Give it up for him!
*Vast applause!*
Babs: That's more like it!
============================================================
VINCENT
This traffic really bites.
**DIRECTOR'S NOTE: ANYTIME CALAMITY HAS A LINE HE HOLDS UP A SIGN A LA WILE E. COYOTE.**
CALAMITY
You bet.
Vincent grabs the radio mike on the car's dashboard. He presses down the key.
VINCENT
Dispatch, where in the hell is our back up?
DISPATCH
Backup denied. All units are busy. And try to watch your language when transmitting.
VINCENT
(angrily)
Right dispatch. Standing by when backup is available.
Vincent slams the mike back on the hook.
VINCENT
I can't believe these people. Where is everybody?
Calamity hammers away on the keyboard.
CALAMITY
Heading towards the airport.
VINCENT
Darkwing's at it again, eh? Well, I've had about enough of this. Hey wait a minute. . .
The radio cuts Vincent off.
DISPATCH
Be advised your converging with Agent Darkwing's posse. You have been ordered to backoff.
VINCENT
(surprised)
Backoff! Are they crazy! No way we're. . .
============================================================
Shirley: The next nominee is fer the general plot of "Copyrats", er sum junk - by Jason Bretz!
*Applause*
============================================================
With that settled, everyone got back to work, and Sam and Dizzy finally got through the scene. It wasn't too bad, Sam thought to himself, once you throw out all the known laws of physics. "Okay," said de Ville, "that's a wrap! Call as 9:00 tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure," said Sam.
"Buster, are you feeling all right?" asked the director with concern.
"Sure, Mr. de Ville, why?
"You usually argue about the early calls. And another thing, why are you calling me Mr. de Ville all of a sudden?"
"That IS your name, isn't it?" asked Sam with confusion.
"It is. But you usually call me, 'Coop.'"
"Oh, sorry, Coop."
"AND I USUALLY BAWL YOU OUT FOR IT! THE NAME IS DE VILLE, YOU EGOMANIAC RABBIT!!!"
Sam felt his ears flying backwards from the force of the director's words. "Uh, sure, whatever, Mr. de Ville," he managed to stammer as the man stormed off.
"Charming fellow," muttered Al as he walked towards Sam though his holographic door.
============================================================
Fifi: And finalee we ave "Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag!
*Applause*
Babs: And the winner is -
Pepe K.: Now hold on just a sec, girls. Let's hold that till the end, shall we?
*the ladies confer and finally nod*
Now before we announce the winner, I'd like to take this rare opportunity to have a special performance by some special performers! - Ladies and Gentlmen! Tonight the Looney Tunes Orchestra will be playing Franz Lizt's "Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2". They will be accompanied by none other than - Bugs Bunny and Tom Cat!
*Wild Applause as Pepe K. moves down to the orchestra pit and the ladies wait in the wings. Two grand pianos rise upstage on a center pedestal, their cases locked facing each other, fitting together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Bugs and Tom enter from opposite sides of the stage in white tie and tails amidst thunderous applause to sit at their keyboards facing one another. Pepe K. takes his spot at the conductor's stand and the two pianists - ( Dot Warner stands up threateningly with a bar of soap, but Slappy Squirrel stares her down)
- prepare themselves.
The orchestra begins and both Tom and Bugs re-create their exact performances from "Rhapsody Rabbit" and "Concerto Cat". The mouse annoys Bugs almost as much as Tom and Jerry Mouse torment each other. The fast- paced musical mayhem is worthy of an Oscar and the frenetic players nearly drive each other mad at the climax. Tom fares worse than Bugs and collapses in an exhausted heap, while Jerry and the other mouse rise to take the applause. Finally all four toons and the orchestra bow as one as they recieve a standing ovation*
*Pepe K., Laika and the Amazing Three return to the podium*
Laika: Zo zat bringz us to zee end ov zee Crossover Awardz. Dasvedanyeh!
Pepe K.: Almost!...The Winner of the UKE Award for the Best, Most Seamless Crossover In A Story is.....
(aside) drumroll, please?
*Taz (in the orchestra) pulls out a roll of toilet paper and gently places it atop his tympani*
Pepe K.: Nonono! A roll on the drums!
*Taz shakes his head stupidly and puts a plate of dinner rolls on his tympani and looks for a approval. Pepe K. smacks his forehead in disgust. Mercifuly, Henery Hawk plays a drumroll on his snare drum.*
Pepe K.(smiles) The Winner is "Quantoon Leap" by Eric Gjovaag! Congratulations!
**************************************************************************** *******
[no reply given]
**************************************************************************** *******
*Thunderous Applause. Taz looks hungrily at the dinner rolls and as everyone gasps - he eats them - tympani and all! His stomach and body take on the huge shape of the kettledrum as he swallows it whole! Pepe K. faints in exasperation and is caught and cared for by Laika, Babs, Shirley and Fifi*
Taz: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!
*Taz burps long and loudly enough to rival Wakko Warner*
Everyone in the threatre except Taz: Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!
Taz:(blushing) ...Pardon.
Pepe K.:(cradled in the arms of all the lovely ladies) Thank you for being a wonderful audience - and good night!
*Applause*
Pepe K.: Take it away, Leloni!
*The skunk exits stage right, accompanied by all the ladies.*
;)
- Pepe K.
