Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: This is something stupid I had written about an eleven years ago!

EPOV

"Probably not, Dad, but I didn't have any alternatives — it just got to the point where I had to choose... Sometimes, there isn't any way to compromise," I heard her saying this to Charlie.

I didn't know what she meant by that.

There was always an alternative, and it was very clear what that alternative was!

I could explain that to her if it wasn't clear to her.

But I'd do it when she was okay, when she was in the right state of my mind.

The first thing should be to stop her tears.

The first thing should be to make sure she wasn't hurting.

Was I capable of doing that though?

How could I make her stop crying when I was the one responsible for her tears?

How could I make her pain go away if there wouldn't have been any pain if it wasn't for me?

I had never seen her in so much pain.

And it felt like someone was stabbing my dead heart again, and again.

No, that wasn't the right description!

This was more than that, much more than that!

Still, it felt nothing compared to what Bella was going through.

"I'll be in my room," Bella told him.

"Okay," Charlie agreed. He was scared at seeing the tears in her eyes.

Charlie and I were very similar in that sense, none of us could see her in pain, and none of us was sure if we could make those tears go away.

I was luckier than Charlie in the sense that I knew Bella was coming to me and I could at least try to ease her pain. Poor Charlie couldn't even do that!

Shouldn't I go after her?

But what would I say to her?

I wished I was better at handling the tears.

Why was she crying so much?

Why won't she leave the Cullen boy if it was hurting so much?

I agreed with Charlie, but I stopped focusing on his thoughts as Bella was in the room.

She fought with the clasp on her bracelet, trying to undo it with shaking fingers.

What was she doing?

She didn't have to do that.

She didn't need to fight with anything.

She had done enough for me, but not anymore!

She had suffered enough, because of my actions.

She didn't have to compromise on anything from this point.

She had to embrace every part of who she was.

I needed to make her understand this.

That was the least I could do for her.

"No, Bella," I whispered, capturing her hands. "It's part of who you are."

I pulled her into my arms as the sobs broke free again.

I couldn't see her like this.

What do I call the inexplicable emotions I was feeling in my dead heart?

It felt like every ounce of my existence was tied to her broken heart at that moment. There was nothing in the world I wouldn't do to stop her pain.

It was all my fault.

And I was never going to forgive myself.

At some point, her tears stopped as she was tired and exhausted. Her breathing became steady and I realized she was asleep.

I kept soothing her by roaming my arm on her back to make all her pain go away. I wished that was enough!

Everything was happening because of me.

I should have never let her fall for me.

I should have never told her that I loved her.

I should have never let her love me.

I shouldn't have given her the hope that there was a slight possibility of having a future with me without her being hurt in the process.

How often I had thought that someday she was going to move on with some human.

And I often thought it'd be someone like Mike Newton.

I realized for the first time I didn't feel any emotion as his name appeared in my mind.

Every single option seemed better than me at the moment.

Nobody would have given the pain she was in right now.

Jacob Black.

He loved her, and that was better than every option I ever had for her future.

He had his own manipulation ways, but he loved her, and that's all that mattered.

But most importantly, Bella loved him back.

I felt a sharp pain in my dead heart again as I thought those words out loud.

Wasn't that always supposed to be like that?

Didn't she deserve a shot at a happy life with someone she loved?

Why was it hurting so much then?

This was nothing I hadn't thought about before.

Then why did it hurt so much?

I looked at the bracelet on her wrist and thought about the ring I had given to her, and I felt the unbearable pain again in my chest.

How could a stupid jewelry had the power to cause pain like this?

What was I thinking when I asked her to marry me?

What was I thinking?

How could I have been so stupid?

I should have thought better.

I should have given her a chance to live the life as she wanted.

But maybe it wasn't too late.

I was glad she realized her feelings before it was too late.

"Should I just go and ask her how she is doing?" I heard Charlie's thoughts some time after Bella was asleep.

"I wonder how Renee would have reacted?"

"She needed her mother, not me."

"I wonder how Jacob is doing."

"Why does she think there was no alternative? Jacob always seems like a better choice for her."

"But Cullen boy and she really seemed to love each other. Is their love really that strong?"

"But he hasn't given her anything but pain."

"Maybe I should just knock and see how she's doing."

"But what if she's awake? What would I talk to her about?"

There were three helpless people in this house tonight.

I wanted that to change that tomorrow.

The choice should never have been so difficult.

If this was a few months ago, I'd have left.

I wouldn't repeat that mistake.

Bella was going through the consequences of my thoughtless action, and that should never happen again.

I'd talk to her when she was ready.

I'd explain to her that there was just one choice.

I'd wait for her to tell me to go away.

And then, I'd let her go.

"Sleep my Bella," I whispered as I kissed the top of her head and continued to roam my arm on her back.

My Bella?

Was that right?

It would be for the best if she was someone else's Bella and not mine.

No, I would let her tell me that. I wasn't going to make a decision on her behalf this time, even if I knew what the decision should be.

I was going to wait till he told me that explicitly.

"Sleep my Bella, sleep," I repeated.

"Hey," She said. Her voice was hoarse and her eyes were dry from crying all night.

She cleared her throat.

She was trying to talk to me.

But was she ready to start the conversation?

I knew she was brave, much more than I gave her credit for, but was she ready to talk?

Or rather... Was I ready?

Was I ready to tell her that I wasn't the right choice for her?

Didn't I spend the whole night convincing myself to move on?

Why did it feel like I wasn't ready then?

I watched her, waiting for her to start.

"No, I'm fine," She said. "That won't happen again."

My eyes tightened at her words.

Why was she apologizing?

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," I said. "That wasn't fair to you."

I shook my head with disbelief.

Why was she thinking about what was fair and unfair to me, when I was nothing but unfair to her?

When would she stop caring about others?

For once, she needed to focus on what she wanted.

She didn't owe anything to anyone, especially to me.

If it wasn't clear to her, well, I was going to make her understand that.

I put my hands on either side of her face.

"Bella... Are you sure ? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain —" My voice broke on the last word.

This was insufferable. To go through all these emotions last night silently, with my own thoughts was something I still managed, but to talk about it out loud was a different story.

She didn't deserve any of this.

She deserved a better future, the one that didn't involve me.

But it's like I wasn't brave enough to accept that truth, even if that was the right thing to do.

She touched my lips. "Yes."

The confidence in her voice was inexplicable to me.

Her eyes were again looking at me with such a trust as if I was the only person in the whole world and she didn't want anything but to be with me.

That didn't make any sense.

What did I ever do to deserve this?

Why was she so oblivious to the fact that I wasn't going to cause her anything but hurt.

"I don't know. . . ." My brow creased. "If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"

"Edward, I know who I can't live without."

"But . . ."

She shook her head. "You don't understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing."

I was brave enough to live without her? Was that what she thought?

"I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live." She continued.

Was she really sure that this was what she wanted?

It didn't make any sense.

"Hand me that book, will you?" She asked, pointing over to my shoulder.

Book, really?

I wished I could ever understand how her mind worked.

"This again?" I asked.

"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered... to see how she said it..." She flipped through the book.

"Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right," She muttered, "'If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.'" She nodded, "I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can't live without."

I took the book from her hands and flipped it across the room — it landed with a light thud on her desk.

I wrapped my arms around her waist.

A small smile lit my face, although worry still lined my forehead.

I still wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do.

But I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to do anything else.

"Heathcliff had his moments, too," I said. I pulled her closer and whispered in her ear, "'I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!'"

Yes, for once, I understood what she meant.

She needed me as much as I needed her.

For some explicable reasons, I was her life, as she was mine.

This was the only choice we had.

There were no alternatives.

Even if it made no sense!

A/N: Thanks for reading!