Coming Out of the Closet
by lorien





Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

Warnings: Draco/Harry slash, humour




Chapter 2: Ron's turn for a nasty shock



Harry: Eh, I guess I should tell Ron. [winces] After all, he's my best friend…

Draco: [snickers] Ooh, this is gonna be fun.

Harry: You're not helping…

Draco: I'm not supposed to. [grins]

Harry: [rolls eyes]



SCENARIO #1

(On the Hogwarts Express, on the way back to school. Ron, Hermione and Harry are sitting together in one of the carriages. Hermione is fast asleep.)

Harry: Ron?

Ron: Yeah?

Harry: Have you ever had something really weird happen to you before?

Ron: Like what? Well, there was that time Percy actually *laughed* at one of Bill's jokes…now that was *weird*.

Harry: No, like really, *really* weird. Like "I-just-transfigured-Snape-into-a-spider-monkey" kind of weird.

Ron: [blinks] No, I can't say that something like that's ever happened to me before. [grins] Not that it wouldn't be *nice*, though.

Harry: [thinks: 'you probably won't think what I have to tell you is "nice"…'] …or, like, "Hermione-didn't-do-her-homework" kind of weird.

Ron: [looks shocked] There is NO way that would happen. [stares at Harry] Harry, are you feeling alright? You look a little…pale.

Harry: [sarcastic, thinks: 'of COURSE I'm fine. I'm about to tell my best friend that I'm sleeping with Draco Malfoy, who also happens to be a *guy* and Ron's *worst enemy*. Of COURSE I'm fine. Never better. I'm feeling GREAT now. I could just get up and dance and sing.']

Ron: Harry?

Harry: Uh, Ron…this may sound weird, but…

[door to carriage opens, and Draco pokes his head in]

Ron: [glares at Draco] Get OUT of here, you slimy git.

Draco: [doesn't even look at Ron] 'lo, Harry.

Ron: *Harry*?!? Since when are you two on a first name basis?

Draco: [smirks] Oh, we're a *lot* closer than *that*.

Harry: ……. [thinks: 'I have a bad feeling about this.']

Draco: [walks over to Harry, plops himself down on his lap, and kisses him]

Harry: …… [thinks: 'Yep, definite bad feeling…mmmmmm.']

Ron: [blinks] This is a bad dream.

Draco: [stops kissing Harry to breathe] No, it isn't.

Harry: …… [thinks: 'Oh no.']

Ron: [pinches self, then looks at Draco in abject horror] No, it *isn't*.

Draco: Parroting now, are we, Weasley? What'll it be next? 'Polly wants a cracker'?

Harry: [smacks Draco] Drac, be nice.

Ron: "DRAC"?!?? Oh, MAN…

[thud]

Harry: [opens mouth]

Draco: Yes, yes, I know. I'll go find some smelling salts. [gets off Harry's lap]

Harry: [reproachfully] You *could* have at least let me finish telling him first, you know.

Draco: [smirks] Why tell him when you could *show* him? [pounces on Harry again]

Harry: Mmph! [forgets all about smelling salts and starts thinking about more…er…*important* things]

Hermione: Zzzzzz.




SCENARIO #2

(In Potions class. Ron and Harry are partners, and are making a Cure-Delusionus potion.)

Harry: [busy chopping pickled rats' tails] Uh, Ron?

Ron: [busy measuring out powdered bats' eyeballs into the bubbling orange liquid in their cauldron] …one, two, three, four……what, Harry?

Harry: I have something rather, um, important to tell you.

Ron: [still measuring] …five, six……what is it?

Harry: I'm in love with Draco Malfoy.

Ron: [still measuring] …seven…ei - WHAT?!??

Snape: Weasley, Potter, ten points from Gryffindor for disturbing my class.

(At Ron's shout, several students turn around to stare at Ron. Ron is frozen on the spot, gaping at Harry. When nothing further happens for a few seconds, the students get bored and turn back to their potions.)

Draco: [looks up and smirks. Mouths to Harry: 'Told him?']

Harry: [mouths back to Draco: 'Yup. He's not taking it too well.'] [waves hand in front of Ron's face] Ron? Ron, you there?

Hermione: [comments to Neville, who's her Potions partner for today] Ron sure is acting strangely today.

Neville: Yeah…argh! [the potion he's stirring begins to boil over]

Hermione: [squeaks in horror, forgetting all about Ron, and tries to clean up the mess before Snape sees it]

Snape: [sarcastic] Nice try, Miss Granger. Five points from Gryffindor.

Hermione: [glares]

Ron: [snaps out of trance and smiles brightly at Harry] Harry, are you feeling okay? C'mon, I think you need to try some of this potion. [waves ladle around]

Harry: [backs away nervously] Uh, Ron…

Ron: [beams] Really! It'll do you some good! It'll clear you of all these…*delusions*…about…[shudders] *Malfoy*.

Harry: [still backing away] Ron…I'm fine, really…

Ron: [shoves ladleful of potion in Harry's face] Try it, try it!

Harry: Oh, *fine*…[gingerly takes a sip of the potion]

Ron: Do you feel…different…at all?

Harry: No.

Ron: [blinks] Uh…well…[beams again] Then we just have to use a stronger potion! [starts measuring out more ingredients, muttering to self: 'must cure poor Harry…wonder what Malfoy did to him…'] [shudders again and shoots a glare at Draco across the classroom]

Draco: [mutters to self: 'I could've *told* him that Weasley wouldn't take it well, but noooo, he wouldn't listen…'] [looks up, sees Ron glaring at him, and…*winks* at Ron]

Harry: [glares at Draco]

Draco: [grins and blows Harry a kiss across the classroom]

Snape: [blinks] Am I missing something here?

Ron: I did NOT just see Malfoy wink at me. [shudders AGAIN, and drops the entire bottle of powdered bats' eyeballs into the potion by mistake]

Harry: [eyes widen in alarm]

Draco: Uh-oh. [motions to Harry to duck, then ducks under table himself]

Crabbe & Goyle: [look at Draco with identical puzzled expressions] What're you doing?

Draco: Shut up and DUCK!

[BOOM]

(The potion explodes, drenching Ron and Snape, who are the only two left standing in the classroom. Everyone else has ducked under their desks. Harry, being partnered with Ron, has ducked under the table *their* potion is on, which hasn't proven a very effective shield against the explosion. So, Harry is also half-drenched in Cure-Delusionus potion.)

Ron: [looks hopefully at Harry] You cured?

Harry: I'm still in love with Draco, if that's what you mean.

Ron: This is worse than I thought. [shudders] Maybe I should take you to Madam Pomfrey.

Snape: Weasley, thirty points from Gryffindor for messing up the potion. And another ten points from Gryffindor for messing up my nice new robes.




SCENARIO #3

(In Harry's dorm; daytime.)

Draco & Harry (sitting on Harry's bed): [smoochsmoochsmooch]

(The door opens)

Ron: Harry? You in there?

Harry: [eyes widen in shock] [yanks Draco onto the floor and shoves him under his bed] Er, yeah, Ron?

Ron: I'm -

Draco (from under Harry's bed): [grumbles] I thought you wanted to *tell* him!

Ron: - uh, did your bed just say it wants to tell me something? [glances from Harry, to the bed, and back to Harry, with deep suspicion]

Harry: Er…no, no, it's nothing. [tries to look innocent]

Bed: [offended tone] So I'm *nothing* now, am I?

Harry: [pouts at bed] I didn't mean it like that and you know it!

Ron: [looks extremely nervous] That's it, I've gone starkers…bet that scumbag Malfoy slipped something into my drink this morning…I'm imagining Harry having a conversation with his bed. [eyes wide, begins backing away veeeery slowly] Harry, I'll, um, be in the infirmary if you need me, okay?

Bed: OI!

Ron: [jumps about half a foot in the air, looking shocked] Huh? Wha~?

Bed: Don't insult Draco. He's a great guy.

Ron: [opens mouth to argue, then pauses and snaps it shut] Shit. SHIT. I've gone stark, raving *bonkers*…I was about to argue with a *BED*! [looks slightly hysterical]

Harry: [pokes head under bed] Okay, stop messing with Ron's mind, you.

Bed: [sulky tone] But it's so *fun*…[voice brightens up] …and so *easy*!!

Ron: [looks a little offended even in the middle of his shock]

Harry: [stifles laugh] Oh, come *out* already. [drags Draco from under bed]

Ron: [jumps back, yelling at the top of his lungs] YOU!!!!!!!!! [glares accusingly at Draco] What are you doing in the *Gryffindor* dorms?!?

Draco: I was invited.

Ron: [scoffs] I'm sure. Who the hell would invite YOU in?

Draco: Harry. [grins]

Ron: [snorts] Yeah *right*!

Harry: [grins at Ron sheepishly] Er, actually…

Ron: [looks horrified] What?!? You DID?!?

Harry: Yeah…

Ron: What FOR?!?

Harry: [is at a loss for words]

Ron: Harry?

Harry: Uh…how to explain this…

Draco: Let me help. [slides hand under Harry's shirt]

Ron: Gaaaaa~h?!??

Draco: [starts unbuttoning Harry's shirt]

Harry: [looks at Ron, grinning sheepishly] Um, yeah, that's about the gist of it.

Draco: [whips off Harry's shirt and starts on his belt]

Ron: [mouth drops open] Eh, okay guys, you can stop now. Funny joke, ha-ha. Okay, *stoppit*, you're freaking me out.

Harry: [not paying attention to Ron anymore] [yanking impatiently on Draco's shirt]

Ron: Guys?

Draco: [pins Harry to the bed and starts kissing him]

Ron: GUYS?

Harry: [moans]

Ron: Eeewww… [face is a very nice shade of pale green]

Draco: [groans]

Ron: [runs out of the room]

(The door slams shut behind Ron.)




SCENARIO #4

(In Harry's dorm; nighttime. I.e., it's PITCH DARK.)

[THUMP]

[THUMP]

Ron: [sleepy] Seamus, shuddup [rolls over and goes back to sleep]

(Silence.)

[THUMP]

Ron: [sleepy] Dean, stop making so much noise…zzzzzzz.

(Silence.)

[THUMP]

Ron: [sleepy & a little annoyed] Oh, for goodness' sake…who's making the noise? Neville? Harry?

Harry: Mmph…huh?

Ron: Harry, if it's you making the noise, then stoppit!

[THUMPTHUMPTHUMP]

[sounds of a scuffle, and a muffled snicker]

Ron: [growls]

Harry: Sorry.

[muffled whispering]

[THUMP]

Ron: HARRY!

Harry: Sorry, sorry.

[sounds of another scuffle]

Ron: [growls] Harry…I'm warning you… [picks up clock on bedside table, and throws it in the general direction of Harry's bed]

[THUNK]

Disembodied voice: OW!

Ron: [furrows brow] [mutters: 'that didn't sound like Harry…']

[more scuffling sounds]

Ron: [blinks] Harry? You okay? [squints at Harry's bed through the pitch darkness, but can't see anything]

Harry: [sounds rather ruffled] Er, yeah. Go back to sleep, Ron.

Disembodied voice: [mutters] Damn, forgot to do this…[mutters a silence spell]

(Silence.)

Ron: [sits up in bed, suspicious] That *definitely* didn't sound like Harry. [picks up wand from bedside table, aims it towards Harry's bed, and mutters, "Lumos"]

(……)

Ron: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

[whomp]

[clunk] (The wand falls to the floor, unheeded.)

Harry (naked): [peers over at Ron, who's out cold on his bed] [sighs] At least he didn't hurt himself.

Draco (also naked): [smirks] Aww, poor Weasel.

Harry: [drily] You sound soooo sympathetic…

Draco: Huh well, I have more important things on my mind now. [smirks at Harry]

Harry: True, true… [is about to pounce on Draco]

Seamus: [groggy] Hrmffzzz…wha' w…noise? Ron, th'you?

Harry: [looks horrified] [pokes head out from boundary of silence spell around his bed] Uh, it's nothing Seamus, Ron just had a nightmare. Go back to sleep.

Seamus: [groggy] Oh…'k. 'Nite, Harry…zzzzzzz.

Harry: [wipes sweat off forehead] Phew. [smirks at Draco] [pounces]

Ron (slumped on bed): [dazed] Yea'…ni'mare…BAD ni'mare…think 'm gonna go blind…[passes out again]




Reviews greatly appreciated! And thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the first chapter! *beams and huggles*

TBC...Next chapter: Hermione - "They didn't say anything about this in the books!"