Coming Out of the Closet
by lorien





Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

Warnings: Draco/Harry slash, humour...and Pansy-bashing in this chapter.

Oh, and...lots and lots of thanks go out to all reviewers! ^^




Chapter 4: Pansy - "My Drakkie-poo loves me! I just KNOW it!"



{WARNING: This chapter contains severe PANSY-BASHING. If you like Pansy, 'tis not a good idea to read this. ^^;;}

~*~




[Draco and Harry are in the infirmary, visiting Hermione - who is lying in one of the infirmary's beds, still unconscious - after her rather…violent…reaction to the revelation of their relationship.]

Draco: Well…*that* went well…

Harry: …not.

Draco: My thoughts exactly. [nods sagely]

Harry: Well…I've told my two best friends about us. So now it's *your* turn… [pokes Draco]

Draco: [wide-eyed innocent look] But I don't *have* any best friends…except *you*, of course [grins winningly at Harry]

Harry: Nice try. Now go tell Pansy you're taken…so she'll keep her hands off MY boyfriend.

Draco: [smirks] Ooh…do I detect a hint of jealousy?

Harry: Not at all. [sticks tongue out at Draco]

Draco: [points to Harry's tongue] …and don't show that to me unless you intend to use it.

Harry: [smirks back] Oh, I fully intend to… [proceeds to engage Draco in an intense session of tonsil hockey]

Hermione: [opens eyes and blinks fuzzily…the first thing she sees is, of course, Draco and Harry in a clinch] Ooh…eeewww. [falls unconscious again]



SCENARIO #1

(Blaise and Pansy are huddled in the Slytherin common room, whispering secretively to each other.)

Pansy: So you'll do it?

Blaise: [sighs]

Pansy: [tugs at Blaise's sleeve and whines. Shrilly.] Pleeeeeeeaaassse?

Blaise: [winces] …okay, okay.

Pansy: [beams]

Blaise: [turns away so Pansy can't see, and grimaces] [mutters to self] Good luck to you, Malfoy.

(Just then, the door opens and Draco walks into the Slytherin common room.)

Pansy: [looks up immediately]

Draco: [sees Pansy] [winces slightly]

Pansy: [enthusiastic] Drakkie-poo! Come and play Truth or Dare with us!

Draco: I can't. I…er…have…something…to do. [looks around desperately for Crabbe or Goyle to rescue him]

(Crabbe and Goyle then enter the room.)

Pansy: Hey, you guys! Wanna play Truth or Dare?

Crabbe: [shrugs] Uh…okay.

Goyle: [shrugs and nods]

Draco: [slaps forehead] I-di-ots.

Pansy: [beams at Draco] So you'll play, right, Drakkie-poo?

Draco: Don't. Call. Me. That.

Pansy: [pouts] C'mon, play…pleeease?

Draco: [grumbles] Oh, *fine*.

(Pansy, Blaise, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle sit down in a circle. A few other Slytherin students join them. They play for a while, and then it's Blaise's turn to call.)

Pansy: [pokes Blaise, trying to be subtle but not really succeeding]

Blaise: [grits teeth] Malfoy. Truth or dare?

Draco: [ponders] Er…dare.

Pansy: [big smile]

Draco: [sees Pansy's grin and feels vaguely like an insect trapped in a small glass jar]

Blaise: [clears throat] Okay…go, um, kiss the person you're in love with.

Draco: [blinks] What?

Pansy: [beams at Draco]

Blaise: [rolls eyes and sighs]

Draco: [shrugs] Fine.

Pansy: [prepares to pucker up]

Draco: [calmly stands up, and walks out of the dorm]

Pansy: Hey, wait, where're you going? I'm right here! [scurries out after Draco]

Blaise: [eyes widen] This I gotta see. [grins and follows Pansy out]

Draco: [strolls purposefully down a corridor, with Pansy and Blaise trailing after him]

Blaise: [blinks at the décor in the corridors] [mutters to self] Hey, these corridors lead to the *Gryffindor* dorms…Malfoy's after some *Gryffindor* girl? This'll be interesting… [smirks]

Pansy: [wonders why Draco has to go so far away from the Slytherin rooms to kiss her]

Draco: [stops outside the Gryffindor common rooms and ponders what to do]

Pansy: [thinks: 'Ooh, he's going to show all those nasty Gryffindors how much he loves me!'] [prepares to pucker up again]

Blaise: [glances at Pansy and tries not to snicker]

(After a few minutes, the portrait leading to the Gryffindor common room swings open, and Harry steps out.)

Pansy: [sneers] Potter.

Harry: [ignores Pansy and smiles at Draco] Hey.

Draco: [smiles] Hey.

Blaise & Pansy: [blink and rub eyes]

Draco: Got a dare to fulfil. [grabs Harry and kisses him]

Harry: Mmmmmm…

Blaise: [mouth drops open]

Pansy: Wha-wha-wha-what- [stammers incoherently]

Harry: [glances up dazedly and sees Pansy] Oh, hi.

Pansy: [gaping like a fish] [passes out from shock]

[thud]

Blaise: [eyes wide] ……

Draco: [smirks at Blaise, then wanders off arm-in-arm with Harry]

Blaise: [mutters to self] Malfoy and…*Potter*?!? Man…Malfoy must *REALLY* hate Pansy. [wrinkles nose and prods at unconscious Pansy, then wanders off]

(The portrait to the Gryffindor common room swings open again, and Ron and Hermione step out.)

Ron & Hermione: [trip over Pansy's unconscious body] Ouch!

Ron: [blinks down at Pansy] It's that Slytherin girl…the one who's always all over Malfoy. [shudders] Goodness knows why.

Hermione: [drily] By the look on her face, she must've been another casualty of Harry and Malfoy's "coming-out-of-the-closet" kick.

Ron: [sarcastic] Aww, the poor thing.




SCENARIO #2

(Gryffindor's having Double Potions with the Slytherins. Snape is explaining what they're going to make today.)

Snape: Today, you'll be preparing a Love Potion. This particular potion is fluorescent orange in colour, and causes you to fall in love with the first person you see after imbibing the potion. Note that Love Potions are *very dangerous*, so do *not*, I repeat, do *NOT*, try to taste the potion. And don't even THINK about using the potion to play a trick on anybody, hear me? [pointed look in Harry's direction]

Harry: [doesn't see Snape's glare because he's too busy staring at a certain blonde Slytherin]

Hermione: [glances over at Harry and sees what - or rather, *who* - he's staring at] [slaps forehead] Good God.

Ron: [looks at Harry, and winces] My thoughts exactly.

(The students begin making their potion. Exactly an hour later, everyone, even Neville - with Hermione's help - has finished, their cauldrons full of a noxious-looking orange liquid.)

Snape: [walks around the class checking everyone's potions] [stops in front of Neville's potion] Longbottom, I'm shocked…

Neville: [stares at Snape fearfully]

Snape: …that your potion's actually *correct*. [walks off and finishes checking all the potions] Class dismissed.

Pansy: [grins to herself and slips a small vial - filled with a certain orange liquid - into her bag]

(The students rush out the door and go for lunch.)

(At lunch, Pansy manages to get herself a seat next to the object of her obsessi - er, *adoration*, Draco Malfoy.)

Pansy: [grabs Draco's arm] Oh, Drakkie-poo, look! Over there! [points]

Draco: [glares at Pansy and tries to shake her arm off] Stop calling me that!

Pansy: [tugs insistently at Draco's arm] Look, look over there! [points in the general direction of the Gryffindor tables]

Draco: [shrugs] Whatever. [turns to look, and takes the opportunity to stare at Harry, who is presently talking animatedly to Ron]

(At the Gryffindor tables…)

Ron: [waving hands around animatedly] …and then, she -

Harry: [eyes glaze over]

Ron: [blinks] - Harry? [turns to look at whatever Harry's staring at] [sees Draco staring right at Harry]

Harry: [dreamy smile]

Ron: [rolls eyes] HARRY!

Harry: [snaps back to reality] Huh? Oh - yeah. You were saying…?

Ron: [continues talking animatedly…and Harry actually pays attention this time ;)]

(Back at the Slytherin tables…)

Pansy: [thinks to self: 'My Drakkie-poo loves me! I just KNOW it! He just needs some encouragement, that's all…']

Draco: Pansy, what did you want me to look at?

Pansy: Huh? Oh…er…it was nothing.

Draco: [gives Pansy a strange look] Ooo-kay.

Pansy: Drakkie-poo, want some water to drink? [proffers glass and smiles sweetly at Draco]

Draco: [looks at Pansy suspiciously] Pansy, why is my water orange?

Pansy: [looks confused for a moment] Oh! Oh…er, it's…orange juice?

Draco: [reasonable tone] But you just said it was *water*.

Pansy: It's…uh…orange juice-flavoured water! [beams proudly]

Draco: [looks around the table] Then why is everyone else drinking *normal* water?

Pansy: [shrugs] Yours is special! [bats eyelashes at Draco]

Draco: [recoils slightly] Uh…right.

Pansy: Go on, drink it! [practically shoves the drink in Draco's face]

Draco: [thinks of the orange potion they prepared in class, and remembers what Snape said about it] …okay.

Pansy: [beams]

Draco: [smirks at Pansy] Cheers. [turns around to face the Gryffindor tables, looks straight at Harry and downs his "orange juice-flavoured water" in one gulp]

Pansy: [choked noise] Y-you were supposed to look at m-m-me!!! [wails]

Draco: [smiles innocently at Pansy] Why? It was just water…now, if you'll excuse me…

(Draco gets up and walks over to the Gryffindor tables. He's met with suspicious looks from all the Gryffindors except Ron and Hermione, who simultaneously slap their hands to their foreheads and sigh.)

Draco: [tries to look like he detests Harry] A word with you, Potter?

Harry: [tries to look like he detests Draco] [jerks head towards doors] Outside.

(The two exit the hall, Gryffindors - except Ron and Hermione - glaring suspiciously after Draco. Ron and Hermione are just glaring.)

(In the corridor…)

Harry: [grins at Draco] So, did you actually want to talk to me, or did you just get me out here to snog me?

Draco: [smirks] Both. Pansy decided that she'd put a spot of Love Potion in my drink today.

Harry: [backs off slightly and glares] And?

Draco: [sarcastic] And I kinda *noticed* that my *water* was *orange* in colour?

Harry: Ah yes, there *is* that.

(Meanwhile, Pansy has suddenly realised that if Draco wasn't looking at *her* while he drank the potion…then maybe…maybe…he was looking at *someone else*…fuming, she scurries out of the hall to look for her darling "Drakkie-poo", making a detour to Snape's office to steal some Neutralising Potion first.)

(Back in the corridor…)

Draco: …so I looked at you while I drank it. [shrugs] Figured it couldn't hurt, since I'm *already* in love with you.

Harry: It's really amazing how you can make the most sarcastic things sound romantic. [kisses Draco]

Draco: I do my best. [kisses Harry back enthusiastically]

(Then, a very angry Pansy marches up to them and yanks Harry off Draco.)

Pansy: [screeches] POTTER! How DARE you try to corrupt my dearest Drakkie-poo?!?

Draco: [winces]

Harry: …… [splutters] D-d-dr-drakkie-poo?!???

Draco: ……

Harry: [collapses on the ground laughing hysterically]

Draco: [glances at Harry, and mutters] I am *never* going to hear the end of this…

Pansy: [shoves a small bottle of green liquid at Draco] Here, *dearest*, drink this. It's Neutralising Potion…it'll take away the effects of that awful Love Potion and then you won't be in love with [shudders] *Potter* anymore!

Draco: …… [grins suddenly] Alright. [drinks the potion]

Pansy: [eagerly] Well? [bats eyelashes at Draco]

Draco: [shrugs] [grabs Harry - who's still laughing - and kisses him again]

Pansy: [eyes wide] It…didn't work?

Harry: [snickers] D-drakkie-poo… [starts laughing again]

Pansy: [runs off in fury, shrieking] POTTER, THIS IS ALL *YOUR* FAULT!!!

Draco: [stares after Pansy, then turns to Harry and shrugs] We'd better go back in before someone comes out to look for us.

Harry: Sure…*Drakkie-poo*. [bursts out laughing and dashes back into the hall before Draco can react]

Draco: [sulks and mutters under his breath] Pansy, I'll get you for this.




SCENARIO #3

(One day, Pansy decides that she's going to try to seduce Draco into admitting that he loves her. {"Of course he does! My *darling* Drakkie-poo!"} So, she waits until the dead of night, then sneaks into the Slytherin boys' dorms wearing nothing but a skimpy negligee. Opening the door to the boys' dorms, she slips in and pads over to Draco's bed. The boy is totally buried in his blankets, and all she can see is a messy heap of blankets.)

Pansy: [pokes the heap of blankets] [tries to sound seductive] Helll-oooo, Drakkie-pooooo…

(The heap of blankets shifts slightly, then settles down again.)

(Silence.)

Pansy: [pokes again] Draco?

(Harry, looking sleepy and rumpled, pokes his head out of the heap of blankets and squints at her blearily.)

Harry: …Pansy Parkinson? What're you doing in the Gryffindor boys' dorms?

Pansy: [blinks] G-gryffindor?

Harry: [looks annoyed] Yes, Gryffindor. [sarcastic] I didn't suddenly turn into a Slytherin overnight, you know.

Pansy: [sticks nose in air] Hmph, I should hope not.

Harry: [conversationally] So, you planning on telling me what you're doing in here?

Pansy: Uh, n-nothing. I'll be going now. [makes a hasty exit]

Harry: …I didn't think so.

(Silence.)

Draco: [pokes head out of blankets] Is she gone?

Harry: [grins] Yeah…shall we continue?

Draco: [smirks] Need you ask? [pounces on Harry, and various…noises…issue from the general direction of Draco's bed]

(In the next bed, Crabbe rolls over, grumbling under his breath about how Malfoy always has such noisy dreams.)

(Meanwhile, Pansy walks across the corridor and enters her own dorm, then pauses.)

Pansy: [sudden brainwave] [mutters to self] Waitaminute…since when are the *Gryffindor* boys' dorms right across from the *Slytherin* girls' dorms…?

(Pansy pauses to ponder this conundrum for a while, then decides that she'd better go back and double-check. After all, Potter could've been *lying* to her, although just *why* he would want to keep her from her dearest Draco, she couldn't for the *life* of her imagine…)

(Back in the Slytherin boys' dorms, Harry and Draco are busy making out in Draco's bed…)

Harry: [moans]

Draco: [moans]

(Then suddenly…)

[GASP]

[thud]

Harry: [blinks] Did you hear something? [picks up wand from bedside table and mutters, "Lumos"]

(The wandlight illuminates a sprawled figure on the ground next to Draco's bed.)

Draco: [pokes at unconscious figure] Hmm, it's Pansy.

Harry: [grumbles] Looks like we didn't fool her after all.

Draco: [shrugs, then grins] At least now she knows about us.

Harry: [chuckles] What a way to find out. So what should we do with her?

Draco: Leave her there.

Harry: What?

Draco: [smirks] A present for Crabbe and Goyle when they wake up.

Harry: [laughs] Yeah, Pansy Parkinson in a skimpy nightgown.

Draco & Harry: [look at the unconscious figure on the floor] Eeewww.








C&C craved & adored! ^^

TBC...Next chapter will probably be an interlude of sorts...