Chapter 4: Getting to know you.

A couple of days later, Zack was sitting at the diner up the street from her bar, waiting for Tifa to join him. They'd agreed to meet here to have their first dinner as friends. A quick glance at his watch confirmed that he was 10 minutes early. Why was he acting so nervous?

"Hey." Her soft voice, her hand on his shoulder, startled him. He covered it well, though.

"Welcome to the epitome of fine dining," he winked at her.

She gave him a dubious smile as she regarded their surroundings. Tacky pictures of velvet idols adorned the walls. The wait staff wore ill-fitting hot-pink uniforms.

"Let's give them a chance, ok?" She suggested, but without any confidence in her voice.

"Sure," he said.

A few minutes later, Zack looked up.

"What are you getting?" She asked.

"I'm getting the old standard... a cheeseburger."

"I'm going to try the ultra-highbrow french roast," she tried to assume a snooty expression, but broke into a grin instead.

"Befitting an elegant lady like yourself," he said, favoring her with an elaborate bow.

"Hey..." Her tone was amused, but he heard the warning loud and clear.

"Sorry. Can't help myself."

She shook her head. "This friendship thing's gonna take some getting used to."

"Why'd you say that?"

"Why? Because you can flirt over a greasy sandwich, that's why. You've got some scary instincts, Zack."

"Hey, it's always served me well before. I get to go out with beautiful women, and I sleep very well at night."

"I'm sure," she said, smiling indulgently at him.

"But... I'm also a man of my word. I won't pull any bullshit with you, Tifa."

"I really appreciate that. I'll try my best... to be your friend."

He gave her a smile that could almost be described as shy.

"Umm, would you excuse me a minute?"

"Sure." He returned to studying the menu as she stood up and headed for the ladies room.

She said she'd do her best. Her best would be more than good enough. She'd been such a good friend to Cloud. If he were Cloud, he wouldn't have run off chasing ghosts.

The menu was just a collection of misspelled words and crossed out prices. This place served crappy food, but it was nearby, and open 24 hours. Anyway, food wasn't the point. Tonight was going to be their first dinner as friends. They had to get away from the bar, the place where they'd established a pattern of him flirting and her dodging. They had to break old habits if they were going to be friends.

And he did want to be her friend. Sure, she was beautiful, but there was something else. Probably the way her eyes give everything away.

She could really use a friend, too, the way her impulsive heart constantly rebelled against common sense. He could still remember how she came after Sephiroth as a mere girl and got slashed across the chest.

/Hmm... I wonder about that scar...

/No. Stop. Dammit, she's already back. She really would smack me if I don't quit...

****************************

It was 20 minutes later. Their dinner had arrived, sweating profusely in their foil wrappers. Zack made small talk, until he felt comfortable enough to take their conversation down a more serious path.

"So, Tifa, you're gonna stay in Kalm for a while?"

"I guess. I don't have anywhere else to go. This is... probably the place I'm most comfortable. I can't go back to Nibelheim, and definitely not Midgar. So many people... died there... when the plate fell. Did Barret tell you about that?"

He nodded.

"I lost so many friends. And everytime I go by where the pillar used to be... I keep thinking about everyone who died...because of us. Shinra dropped the plate because of us. All those people... all their hopes..." She looked down hurriedly, but her tears had already given her away.

He reached over the small table, brushing away her tears with his thumb. But his tender gesture was hampered by a ketchup-laden foil wrap clinging to his elbow.

She smiled through her tears and made a valiant effort to wipe the gooey stuff off his arm.

"Don't worry about it. It'll come off. I shower sometimes, you know."

"Really, I had no idea," she grinned. But all too quickly her grin was lost. He frowned.


"Tifa... You're still thinking about Midgar, aren't you?"

She didn't answer, but he could tell by her eyes.

"Tifa...You gotta let it go. What's done is done. All you can do is hope you won't have to face the same situation, the same choices again."

She was silent, so he continued. "I mean, what should you have done? Just let them destroy the planet?"

"But... there might have been another way... if we'd come up with some other way... "

He shook his head. "If you tried something peaceful they would've just ignored you. You don't know what would've happened if you hadn't fought back. Maybe they would've killed thousands more. They don't need an excuse to kill, Tifa. I should know-- I worked for the bastards."

She looked at him. Her eyes were still wet, but he saw an invitation to tell his tale. And for that reason he had to tell it.

"You already know I worked for them? SOLDIER?"

She nodded.

"I signed up with Shinra to get away from Gongaga. It was a nice town, but boring. I wanted excitement. I had to sign up for SOLDIER cause it had the highest profile. Once I found out what it was about..." he shook his head, "...that it was being henchman and clean-up crew for the corrupt... backing out wasn't an option. Most of the time they had us out killing monsters. But I didn't always ask questions about the people I was ordered to kill."

He looked at her, his eyes measuring and apprehensive. He didn't expect that he'd end up telling her this tonight, hadn't thought about how she might react. And he was nervous, worried, even, that she might think him an inhuman murderer, killing for pay.

/I'd better shut up right now. Or she's gonna decide she doesn't need my friendship.

"Go on," she gently nudged.

He searched her eyes again, and saw only openness, an extended hand. Her small hand giving his forearm a squeeze.

"I went along with everything they said, pretty much. The first time I went against them was at Nibelheim, and only because Sephiroth went nuts. But I didn't stop him... I couldn't. He killed so many... he almost killed you..."

Her eyes were tearing up again, but he felt her other hand reach across the table, dodging foil wraps and plastic cups, to take his larger hands in them. And he swallowed hard. For a while they didn't speak.

"Nibelheim was the first time we met, right?"

"Yeah." She smiled a little.

"Hey, what'd you think of me, the first time we met?"

She hesitated. But he was looking at her so expectantly that she gave in.

"Well, that time... I was hoping to see Cloud, so... when I didn't see him, I just ran off crying. I recognized Sephiroth from his picture in the newspaper. But you... I'd never seen you before... so the only thing I remembered... was that... you weren't Cloud."

She hung her head, clearly upset that she'd told him something so deflating.

/Don't look so sad, Tifa. It's gonna take a lot more than that to wound me...

He chuckled at her, anomalously happy. Because of her honesty, partly, but mostly because she cared so much about his feelings.

"It's all right," he reassured her. "I figured it was like that. You never knew he was there, did you?"

She shook her head. "I only found out in the Lifestream. You know, when we fell into the Lifestream."

"Yeah," he nodded. "You pulled him out. You saved his life, Tifa."

"I don't know about that," she said, shaking her head. "Maybe he would have been happier... staying there. That way, he could've been with Aeris." She glanced up sharply for a moment.

"You know how he felt about Aeris, right?"

"Yeah," he replied, surprised by the sudden intensity of her gaze. "What's wrong, Tifa?"

"I was wondering whether... you're really ok... talking about Aeris?"

/So that's why you're so nervous? You're worried I'm heartbroken over Aeris being gone? Or Aeris loving Cloud? Tell me straight out. And quit worrying. I'm a lot tougher than Cloud.

"Yeah, it's ok. I know she and Cloud were in love-- I heard about their date. It's all right. I mean, I'm sad she's gone and all, but... I'm ok now."

"You really didn't mind her loving Cloud? I thought... you just said that to make Cloud feel better."

"No, I didn't. It was my decision to leave. I disappeared on her a while before Nibelheim," he snuck a glance at Tifa, a little chagrined. Sensing no immediate censure, he continued.

"I'm glad she got over me, but I don't think she was ever in love with me. She was just lonely. She wanted someone around. And I was never around. I told her it was because of my job, but... actually..."

She shook her head, then smiled indulgently at him. "Remind me never to fall in love with you."

"Is there a danger... that you would?" He asked, the probing intensity of his eyes burning her cheeks.

"Hey, we...we're doing it again." She admonished, still blushing fiercely.

"Yeah... Sorry." He made an effort to look contrite.

"It was my fault," she apologized.

"Nope. It's both our faults. Maybe we just like flirting."

"You're probably right. But... we really want things to be different, don't we? We said we weren't going to play games anymore."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's usually my big mouth and my bullshit... that get us into crap."

She shook her head. "Hey, don't hog all the blame." She smiled that embarrassed, apologetic smile, and he forgot what he was going to say.

"So... nice weather we're having," she offered sheepishly.

He grinned. "Yup. Almost spring like."

She chuckled. "You think we'll ever get through a day without flirting?"

"Maybe, if we try really hard. But flirting isn't so bad, is it?"

"But it is!" She protested. "Because it's too hard to tell what's real and what's tease. I'm terrible at guessing. And I don't know if friends should... play these mind games... I really would like to be your friend. But... do you want to be my friend, too?"


"Of course! You have to ask?" His reply was immediate, and left no doubt he'd been offended.

She looked up for a second, her eyes apologetic.

"I don't know. Sometimes I think... you just want me to sleep with you and then clear out of your life."

"Look, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you. But even if you _were_ to sleep with me, I wouldn't want you gone. I'd want you to stay with me." He winced at the blatant longing in his voice. But one glance at her was enough to tell him she hadn't heard it-- she had fisted her hands on her hips, and was about to let him have it.

"So... you're saying... I'm asking you to _lie_ because I don't want you to come on to me? Is keeping your hands to yourself somehow dishonest?"

"What do you want me to do? I can't help wanting you! But I'll keep it to myself, ok? Don't shoot me if I should slip up now and then, cause I really _am_ trying to be your friend. It's just hard to ignore the fact that you're incredibly..."

Tifa blushed, bitterly ashamed that she actually wanted to hear the rest of his sentence. But... she couldn't have it both ways. She couldn't trust him as a lover, if she didn't trust him as a friend first. And if Aeris couldn't make him stay, what made her think she could? Hadn't she had enough of men who screwed her and then left in the night?

"I'm sorry, Zack. I guess we just... can't make this work." She stood up, dropping some gils on the table. Her eyes were starting to brim again. She was deeply sorry she wouldn't get to be his friend, wouldn't be able to hear his cheery common sense breaking through her funk anymore.

But he wasn't about to leave it at that.

"Tifa..." He'd stood up and was embracing her tightly. "Don't just give up on me. Hey, you gave Cloud so many shots... gimme a couple, will ya?"

She gently freed herself from his arms, and looked at him with huge, bewildered eyes. Then she abruptly turned for the door. Once they were outside the diner, he halted her with his hand on her shoulder, and turned her to face him.

"Look, I know I went back into flirt mode, but... you gotta believe what I said about Shinra, Nibelheim, and all... cause... if I was lying I would've made myself sound a hell of a lot better!" He sighed. "Did you believe _anything_ I said tonight?"

He'd expected her to resume her struggle to escape. But she stood still, held there by his expectant gaze. Something about the quiet way she'd accepted his effort gave him hope.

After a thoughtful pause, she replied. "Yes...I did... when you weren't flirting."

He leaned closer, his hands balled into fists, his eyes suddenly blazing. "Then... believe that I care about you. It's not flirting-- it's the goddamn truth!"

/Zack...

She'd heard the desperation in his plea, but her mind froze up in its rush to ease his distress. For an instant, she couldn't think or speak. He stared into her soft brown eyes, a bit of moisture glimmering at their edges, and brought his trembling hands up to caress her face.

"I believe you," she replied at last. Her eyes seemed to promise trust and second chances. Relief flooded his features.

"And Zack... I care about you too," she continued. She reached up and took both his hands in hers, bringing them to her lips for a moment. "Please believe me, too."

He failed to suppress a gasp. Just now... the feel of her lips against his skin. Waves of desire rippling down his spine.

/Oh god... do that again, Tifa...

/Not now, dammit! Concentrate! What's she trying to say... That's right. She wants me to believe her.

Though his knuckles went white as he fought to maintain control, he managed to keep the tension off his face.

"Tifa," he smiled indulgently at her, "I always believe you, cause you couldn't fool me if you tried. And... I'm glad you care about me too."

She beamed, and it gladdened his heart.

"So... like I was saying... You could use a friend in town. Your buddies from Avalanche are all so far away... "


"I think... I have one now." She smiled warmly at him, and he was sorely tempted to pull her into his arms. But he couldn't risk his body betraying him, the vivid memory of her lips still burning him. So he settled for tucking some loose chocolate strands behind her ear, and squeezing her hand once.

They walked back to her place in silence. She rushed her steps a little, not wanting to hinder his longer strides, while he felt almost heady in that atmosphere of promise and uncertainty.

"Good night, Tifa."

His eyes widened as she pulled him into a hug. But it wasn't a tight hug, and she released him quickly; and he was left to swallow his relief and disappointment.

"Good night, Zack."

It looked like she wanted to say more, but she didn't. He stood looking at her closed door for a minute before turning and walking home.