Chapter 10: Decisions
On a quiet Thursday three months later, their lives were thrown into turmoil again. It started with a sudden commotion in the bar, and a spiky-headed blond.
Cloud.
Zack silently tallied the months he'd had with Tifa since she returned from... helping Cloud.
/One, two, three. Not nearly enough.
/Why'd I get blindsided? I knew he'd do this...
"Hey," Cloud spoke up first.
"Hey." Zack tried to keep his voice nonchalant, no longer hearing the noise of the drunken patrons. He bit his lower lip for a second before recovering his poise. He needn't have worried, though-- Cloud wasn't looking at him. She had her back to him, but Cloud's eyes lingered anyway. Zack's mask slipped slightly.
"Why'd you come back, Cloud?"
/You're gonna fuck with her mind... take her away again... Why the hell do I put up with this shit?
"Not to see you," Cloud snorted dismissively, his eyes still on Tifa.
A different sound tore through Zack's consciousness--the clang of a glass crashing. She'd seen him. Her eyes were so nakedly loving Zack thought his own heart would burst.
"Tifa, you know this guy?" He spoke needlessly, because she was already on her way over. Carefully not running, but walking briskly.
/You're not fooling anybody, Tifa.
"Cloud. What are you doing here?" She asked softly.
Cloud pressed her into his arms and held her wordlessly.
"You know where I'll be," Zack growled, seconds before the bar door slammed shut.
******************************************************
Tifa watched the door that Zack had disappeared through, trying not to imagine how angry he must be with her.
"Hey there." Cloud's voice was gentle, tender. She gave him her full attention now, her hands touching his shoulders, her eyes taking him in. He'd been gone so long--well, it seemed like a long time to her. Was he really okay, out there by himself, with those awful memories?
/Of course he's fine! She saw that for herself 3 months ago...
Cloud smiled, and she smiled back. Travel had been good to him--aside from the dirt and grime, he looked fit, and in good spirits.
He started to caress her face with his clean hand. She could feel a familiar moisture threatening her eyes.
It took a second or two, but she reached up and closed her hand over his. Slowly, hesitantly, she pulled it away from her face. Their eyes met.
"What's up?" He asked, his eyes twinkling, but not without a touch of puzzlement.
"Not much. And you?" She asked, gently avoiding his unspoken question.
He started to tell her of his quests.
Well, I guess I'm going back to the Ancient City next. There's a guy who supposedly knows about this underwater materia...
No, different from the one we used for Emerald Weapon. This might let me stay down there longer...
She's an Ancient. Our rules don't apply to her...
Yeah, he says she can come back if I do everything right...
Then came the part she'd been dreading.
"It'd really help me...if... you could come along. I know it's a lot to ask-- but... that place... is kinda eerie, you know..." Cloud gave her an uneasy smile, mirroring her own growing trepidation.
/What if I...agree to it... this time? What will happen... with Zack? The last time I left he was really hurt. He hasn't brought it up, but it's there. Like a wound that won't heal.
/But I can't let Cloud go there alone.
/He's been alone for months, and he's fine.
/But the City of the Ancients is where Aeris...died. If I still tear-up thinking of it, how can he stand being there alone? He's never been _there_ alone...
Again she cursed her indecision.
"Please, Tifa?" Cloud repeated, a little pleadingly. He could see the struggle in her eyes.
"Cloud...I...," her voice faltered.
"What's wrong?" Cloud grabbed hold of her hands, concerned.
The tears threatened again, and this time she didn't fight them. She just let them fall, and let her soul speak what it will. She'd said all the prayers she could that she'd do the right thing when the time comes...
"I can't, Cloud."
Cloud dropped her hands, his mouth agape.
"Why not?" he asked, sounding very confused.
"Zack," she barely managed. She wasn't sure he heard it, but he must have, because his eyes frosted over. Neither of them said a word for a very long time.
"That's it, then," he stood up abruptly, and headed for the door.
"Cloud, please...don't go alone." She called after him.
"What?" He grunted, not looking back at her.
She didn't want to prolong his unease. "Bring Cid or Red." Her voice came out strained and tight, but at least it came.
"I'll go with Cid, thanks for caring," he said casually. She swallowed hard, still looking after him.
"Tifa..." He turned around just as he reached the door, an unreadable expression in his blue eyes. Before she knew it they were in each other's arms.
"I'll always love you," she whispered, blinking back tears as she pulled away from his embrace, "you know that..."
"I love you," Cloud's hands shook as they held her face. He kissed her hard, for a moment. Then they tore apart.
"You'd...better go," she mumbled.
He nodded once, then vanished through the door.
*************************************************************************************************************
Zack kicked at the sheets, staring at the ceiling in his apartment. The clock on the far wall read 2:15 am the last time he checked. Why couldn't he sleep?
He knew this would happen. Sooner or later, Cloud would come, either wanting her or wanting more help and attention. And she'd give in to Cloud.
Why are you doing this, Tifa? He's just gonna break your heart again.
Why am I so fuckin' pathetic? I'm still hoping you'll come to me after he's through using you.
But maybe I'm finally learning. This time _I'm_ leaving _you_. This is _my_ choice, Tifa.
My choice.
Yeah right. Who am I kidding?
I'm leaving because you're leaving. Because you weren't gonna stay, even if I got on my knees and begged. So, might as well walk out on you -- I've still got my pride, right?
I would've done anything if you'd stay. I hated being second to Cloud, but I took it... cause I just couldn't leave you.
But you could leave me for him.
That shouldn't surprise me, right? You never said you loved me. Hell, I _told_ you not to say it.
But I want to hear you say it. Say it just once, damn you! Say it, before you leave me... this time... for good.
This was my fault.
I knew you loved him, but I wanted to stay with you anyway. I knew you'd leave me, but I wanted to... put off that day. Guess my time's up.
Don't feel sad. Don't cry. You didn't break any promises.
Hey, at least I won't be second to Cloud anymore. Because... you're gone now...
