Title: Pajamas and Letting Go

Author: AutumnRain

Email: autumnrainwolf76@yahoo.com

Category: angst, romance Harm/Mac (who else? LOL)

Rating: R

Summary: Harm's POV in my take on how the "pajama" scene should have played out

Disclaimer: the characters don't belong to me they belong to DB and

others. Just borrowing them.

Feedback: please, any kind, good or bad, let me have it :)

"and to see you in your pajamas," God, did I just say that? I looked at her out from under the corner of my eyes not knowing if I should have said that. Not a good thing to say to a Marine who could flatten me. Especially to a Marine who has probably felt like taking a few swings at me recently. I hope she takes it as I meant it, just a try at getting our teasing banter back between us. I want my best friend back.... okay, I know I want more than just having our friendship back, but I have to start somewhere. Oh thank God, she just smiled at me, not a big one, but a smile nonetheless- I guess I am not going to end up with anything sprained or broken, well, maybe my heart. I stand and walk over to her window- I need space, but I don't want to leave- there is comfort here, although a somewhat uncertain one at the same time.

I want nothing more than to hold her, to be in her arms for so many reasons.... I love her, I need her, I am confused - I have decisions to make, ones that put my career and my sense of honor in different corners, God, I love her....I don't like how this feels- caught between the ache of wanting her to hold me so badly and the ache, the fear that my wanting, no, needing another person this much is causing me. Is this how she felt that night Mic left her and she came to me? Jesus- I caused her this much pain.... I will not cry, I will not cry.... I can't show weakness.... you fool, it wouldn't be the first time she saw your tears and she never held it against you.... NO, I will not cry....

"Harm?"

I hear the question in her voice and feel her hand on the back of my shoulder.

"I'm fine" I manage to spit out, not believing it in the least. I know she doesn't either.