Who could blame me for feeling this way? I never understood it myself. From first year to fifth year, Hermione had always been my friend. The sister that I never had. And she still is, of course. But...this feeling is different. So much more different.

I had started to notice the sparkle in her brown eyes when she laughed, the grin that always appeared so cheekily on that perfect face. It was at the start of our sixth year when I realised that Hermione Granger was a very pretty girl.

I had cooked up so many excuses so that I could be alone with Hermione, without Harry around. Harry's birthday party was one, although I honestly thought that we should celebrate it for him. And the crush on Lavender Brown had been another one. Fortunately nobody asked me what I saw in that giggly, silly, Harry Potter admirer. I wouldn't have been able to answer that question.

However, Hermione seemed to show no emotion when I told her I liked Lavender Brown. It seemed like she was happy for me, and I was no more than a good friend to her. She gave no sign that she was jealous or anything. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my own part...thinking that she likes me.

First of all, I think she'll probably like Harry first. I have to admit that Harry is an amazing person. He's the Boy Who Lived! And he's popular, and he's smart. He's a brilliant seeker. He's everything that I can never be. Harry Potter, the object of so many girls affections...and maybe Hermione's too.

Second... Hermione is so smart...what would she see in an idiot like me? I don't do well in studies, I don't like doing homework, I'm not serious in everything...the only thing I'm good at is chess. I'm pretty useless, I guess.

And thirdly, I'm not attractive. In second year, she was obviously swooning over the good-looking Gilderoy Lockhart. It probably shows she likes good looking guys...and I'm not at all good-looking. What would she see in me?

"Ron? Ron? Did you hear anything I just said?" Hermione said, waving her hand in front of my eyes.

"What? Oh. Erm. Repeat that," I said.

"Ron...stop thinking of Lavender, for Pete's sake," said Hermione, grinning. Her brown eyes were sparkling, as always.

"Haha...okay, say what you have to, quick. Harry's coming back," I replied, somewhat disoriented.

"Well...I was asking you where you wanted to celebrate his birthday, Ron. Definitely not at the horrid Dursleys' home, right?"

"Erm. How about the Burrow? Is that a good place?" I asked.

"Brilliant," she said, smiling.

Great. Now was the time to pretend I actually liked Lavender Brown. This was the worst part of my day.

"Say, Hermione. You did say you wanted to help me chase Lavender?" I said, resisting the urge to kill myself.

"Yeah, yeah I did," Hermione said. I wonder if anyone told ever told her she was beautiful.

"Well?" I said, in what I hoped was an expectant sort of tone.

"Hmm. Flowers should do the trick. And a card on Valentine's Day would be good too," she said.

"Yeah, that's cool. Hey, Harry's coming back. We'll talk some other time," I responded, grinning.

"Sure. Any time, Ron." She winked.

I felt like melting.

**

"RON! Get up now. Quick!" Some guy was pulling me out of bed.

"Wha'?" I said, still half-asleep.

"Get up...now," the person said. I blinked. Oh. It was Harry.

"Wha' for? 'Tis still dark..." I mumbled. Best friend or not, he was disturbing my peaceful sleep.

"It's not 'still dark' for your information. It's morning, and we're going to be late for breakfast. GET UP NOW!" he hollered.

"Okay, okay, I'm up," I said, and got out of bed unwillingly.

I got dressed and we went to the Great Hall, where we sat on either side of Hermione. She smiled at me.

"You look like you're still half asleep, Ron," she said, laughing.

"I am. Oh man. It's all Neville's fault. He made me teach him how to play chess the whole of last night. And after the whole night's practice, he still couldn't get it! Oh gosh. I tell you...I'm so tired now I could just fall on the breakfast table and sleep," I said.

"Straighten up, because Lavender's coming this way," she said, grinning.

"So what?" I said.

"I thought you liked her?"

"I do? Oh yeah, I do," I said, suddenly remembering the role I had to play. I was supposed to be having a crush on Lavender Brown. I really didn't want to continue hiding behind this silly mask. I didn't want my best friends to actually think that I like that girl.

I wish I could tell Hermione how I felt about her...but she'd just be embarrassed and then the both of us will be so awkward when we see each other. I don't want that to happen. I rather we maintain this relationship than an awkward one.

But if I do tell her...and if she does like me... Nah...that's not possible. What would she see in a person like me? Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm like her brother. I'm supposed to be treating her like a sister. I shouldn't be thinking like this.

Snap out of it, Ron. Wake up, she wouldn't like you.

'Ah...but you'll never know, would you? Why don't you tell her?'

Never. If she doesn't, we'll be so awkward and embarrassed when we're together.

'But you don't know, you haven't even tried. Why won't you risk it?'

What? Risk this friendship for something I'm not even sure of? What's the point?

'Try, Ron Weasley. You're in Gryffindor. You're supposed to be brave.'

I tried to shut my optimistic inner voice up. This wasn't the time to be hearing from my conscience.