Title: Samwise Gamgee Woke Up Straight (1/1)

Author: Liz Huisman

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Not mine. (

A/N: I needed to write something funny to shake my depressing mood. Though I probably won't release another one until I'm done with 'And the Angels Were Silent', this couldn't wait. Really. I mean, come on. Sam's already bi. HELLO!

Summary: Come on, this had to happen.



One fine morning in Middle-Earth, Samwise Gamgee woke up straight.

He looked around at the group sitting around the ashes of last night's fire, and not one single dirty thought came into his head. Not one. Nada.

To make sure that he was not just tired, he looked over at a sleeping Frodo. He waited for his usual lustful thoughts to come. They didn't. He was not finding Frodo attractive at all! All Sam's thoughts were now were thoughts of friendship. Bah!

Sam looked at Merry, who was sleeping near Frodo. Sam had known immediately when each member of the group had woken up gay, since, of course, he was already very much gay himself! First there had been Frodo, then Merry, then Legolas, and then Aragorn. And now he had woken up straight. Just his luck. (He also had a hunch someone else had woken up gay, though not someone in his group. He did not have any idea who that could be though.)

Sam felt strangely light, for some reason. He thought of Rose Cotton, back in the Shire, and his heart started beating faster, and he could not wait to destroy the ring so he could get back to her.

And then he realized that was the first time that entire trip that he had thought that about Rose.

"G'morning, Sam!" Pippin said groggily, sitting up beside him.

"Morning, Mr. Pippin," he said, without thinking any lustful thoughts about him, either. "You're awake early."

"Merry rolled over my arm!" he exclaimed, hitting Merry, causing Merry roll over right onto Frodo and wake the both of them up.

"Pippin, why are you awake and hitting me?" Merry asked, rolling off Frodo so he could actually breathe.

"It's your fault, really. If you hadn't rolled over my arm, I'd still be asleep," Pippin retorted.

"Children, really, it's too early," groaned Frodo.

"It's not too early!" exclaimed Sam. "It's a rather nice day, if you ask me."

"No one asked you," growled Pippin, lying back down.

"You seem oddly happy, Sam," noted Frodo, suddenly realizing that he's gay, and he should be prancing.

"Oh I am, Mr. Frodo!"

Merry watched Frodo start to prance, and remembered that he was, as well, gay, and should be prancing.

Sam got up after Merry and started to prance. They caught the attention of Legolas and Aragorn, who soon followed suit.

Pippin, in the meantime, just rolled over and muttered, "They're all a bunch of crazy asses."

Frodo moved so that he was next to Sam. "Sam, did you happen to--"

"Wake up gay?" he finished for Frodo.

Frodo looked somewhat taken aback. "Well, yes, Sam. Did you?"

"No, sir! I woke up straight! Rosie! Rosie! Rosie!"

"Good for you, Sam, my lad. Oh, they're starting another conga line!" Frodo and Sam raced to catch up and join in.

Sam spent the entire day thinking lustfully about his dear Rose. Frodo smiled at him, and continued to think lustfully about Merry. And Legolas and Aragorn? Well, they had some quality time together in the woods.



END

(Ooh! Dear Lord.)