HOW GANONDORF ATTEMPTED TO STEAL CHRISTMAS
Every Hylian and Gerudo liked Christmas a lot
But this one evil king in the desert did NOT
While the desert girls danced and sang and decorated
He sat back and whined about all which he hated
"I hate their dumb carols and stupid gift giving...
I hate all their joy and their cheerful style of living...
But most of all, the absolute, undeniable WORSE
Is that stupid holiday they call Christmas! WHAT A CURSE!"
Ganondorf sat in his high kingly tower
With a frown on his face, while he sat and he glowered
At Nabooru and the others, so cheerful below
Decking the halls with holly and bright mistletoe
Drinking their eggnog and Christmas party punch
Eating gingerbread cookies and candy for lunch...
"Look at them down there! It makes me so sick!
How those Gerudos of mine could be so awfully thick!
Can't they see it's commercial? This holiday cheer...
This retail conspiracy comes once a year...
But that's not the reason I'm whining and spited!
ZELDA'S HAVING A PARTY AND I'M NOT INVITED!"
The evil king stared at the envelope shiny
With its handwriting fancy and ever-so-tiny
"Dear Ganondorf, head Gerudo of relation,
Please accept this formal UN-invitation
I take insult at you blowing up my fair land
So when Christmas Eve comes you can talk to the hand
Cause I'm not having you at my party of Yule!
Sincerely,
Zelda, Princess of Hyrule"
Ganondorf scowled even harder than ever before
And threw the empty envelope against the door
Then he got an idea- A nasty idea that he'd never thought
"So everyone else is going... And so I am not...
Why should I sit here all upset and bumming?
I THINK THAT I'M GONNA STOP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING!"
Ganon packed up his big bag of sorcery trickers
And walked out the door with a sneer and a snicker
"Zelda thinks her party will be a great affair...
Let's just see how she likes it once I have been there!"
So Ganondorf, blessed with this evil idear
Got his horse out the barn, patting it on its rear
"Yes, my pet it's time that I got back at them
For uninviting me and then inviting HIM!"
He spoke of his enemy with words so hard
I can't put them, or else it'd be rated R
Then he mounted his horse and he rode out of sight
Screaming, "I'll get you Zelda! I'll get you tonight!"
He stopped by a cloth store on his way into town
Walked up to the counter and said with a frown
"Get me a suit woman, and make it real quick."
"What color the fabric, how big and how thick?"
"I'm a size 32, make my suit without pause!
For tonight I must disguise as old Santa Claus!"
The woman studied his face without really a care
"Read that notice, you dummy. That's why it is there."
He looked at the card to the left of her head
And his eyebrows raised up when he saw what it said
"No Santa suits shall be created for
This guy with red hair, Dragmire, Ganondorf.
He's a truly great cad and a jerk, to be simple
Not to mention his head looks like one giant pimple.
Sorry to bother, sorry to be cruel
Sincerely,
Zelda, Princess of Hyrule"
Ganon sighed a great sigh and pulled out his wallet
"Name any price woman, I'll be willing to call it."
"They're Royal Family orders, you great mental mess."
But she settled when he gave her his American Express
Half an hour later, Ganon wore his new duds
"Check me out, pretty mama... I'm an absolute stud.
Now to head to the castle, and once I am there
I'll make Zelda's dumb party an awful affair!"
So he rode and he rode through the cold and the ice
With a smile on his face, but be warned: It t'weren't nice
'Twas a look of pure malice and anger and hate
"Zelda's party'll be ruined... This is gonna be great!"
And finally at last, he stopped in front of the big castle.
Pat his horse, said "Hope it wasn't too much a hassle.
Daddy's got a little work to do once inside.
So stay here, sweetie... I need a getaway ride."
The horse didn't whinny, the horse didn't neigh
But the look on his black stallion face seemed to say
"Hurry your butt up, you great stupid jerk
I'll call PETA on your hiney if this plan doesn't work!"
He strolled oh-so-casually up to the gate
And his grinned when he got there, a grin so elate
For the gate was unlocked! There was nobody there
No one guarding for criminals they could ensnare
Ganon leaped through the gate like a swan of some sort
But on the other side, I am sad to report
Twenty vicious Dobermans, with their teeth white and shiny
Sunk their great vicious fangs into Ganondorf's hiney
As he pulled canine chompers from the seat of his pants
Ganon cursed and he cussed, in a strange rage-y trance
"So the Dobermans there will not let me get through...
I'll go over the gate, that is just what I'll do!"
So the evil king nasty bandaged up his sore posterior
Climbed a hill to the south. "Oh, the plan is superior!
I'll sneak in the castle, steal gifts and the tree
And then Zelda'll wish that she'd invited me!"
The Dobermans watched as he crossed the big gates
Their eyes wide and staring like porcelain plates
He reached the other side and stared down at the dogs
"Take that you fat over-fed puny-brained hogs!"
He chuckled a chuckle nervous as could be
And set off for the castle, Zelda for to see
Unfortunately someone saw him scamper across the grounds
Rolled their eyes, shook their head, cried, "Release the OTHER hounds!"
Like greyhounds at a racetrack they seemed to run out
Ganondorf saw them coming, he gave a loud shout
And I think, that my friends, it is needless to say
That they mauled him and bit him and dragged him away.
So he sat in a jail cell in the castle dungeon
Cursing quietly, thinking what he could have done
If Link'd not seen him racing the opposite way
From the greyhounds that chased him, he'd have gotten away
But now he sat here, listening to the soiree above
With nobody to talk to, nobody to love
"Stupid Zelda..." he snapped, to no one really there
"All I want's to ruin Christmas, but she don't even care."
That's when Ganon remembered something that might work
But might get him a reputation as a jerk
Secret Santa was going to take place that night
It might take some convincing, it might be a hard fight
But Ganon knew if he could convince Zelda he had
A present for his Secret Santa, she'd be glad
To allow him upstairs to join up in the throng
"Now all I need's a present. And it can't take too long!
"A present, now sonny? That might be a bit tough,"
Commented Ganon's cellmate, a crazy guy old and gruff
"But I have something here that a lady might like
It's a beaded leather sheath to keep a fighting knife clean
Says it keeps up its shine and its newly-bought gleam!"
"How much you want it for?" asked Ganon with a perk.
"Oh... 500 Rupees or so should probably work."
Ganondorf got unhappy. His morale got real bad
At the fabric store he spent all the money he'd had
"How about a trade?" Ganon asked with a sigh.
"I like that cape of yours," the prisoner did reply.
So he took off his cape, handing it to the man
Who gave over the sheath and said, "Thank you! Come again!"
So cape-less but with gift Ganon headed upstairs
To join the other party guests, to get rid of his cares
"But of course my plan to screw up Christmas is on.
I won't stop for an instant until it is gone!"
When he reached the party room, Zelda kind of freaked out
"HE'S ESCAPED!" she cried out in a pitiful shout
"Calm yourself, little princess." Ganon said with a sneer
"I've a gift for someone. I've all rights to be here."
Zelda sighed a great sigh and then turned on her heels
To see Link, with his muscle and manly appeal
He sat on a red sofa with a bit of party punch
"Just a couple more minutes, then Christmas goes KER-UNCH!"
So what happens next in the badly rhymed plot?
Does Ganon destroy Christmas? Or does Ganon not?
To find out the ending to this story you like-ud
Go read the rest of "The Gift of the Sheikah"!
If you think it'll be stupid or off with its timing-
Listen, I promise: There'll be no more rhyming!
Every Hylian and Gerudo liked Christmas a lot
But this one evil king in the desert did NOT
While the desert girls danced and sang and decorated
He sat back and whined about all which he hated
"I hate their dumb carols and stupid gift giving...
I hate all their joy and their cheerful style of living...
But most of all, the absolute, undeniable WORSE
Is that stupid holiday they call Christmas! WHAT A CURSE!"
Ganondorf sat in his high kingly tower
With a frown on his face, while he sat and he glowered
At Nabooru and the others, so cheerful below
Decking the halls with holly and bright mistletoe
Drinking their eggnog and Christmas party punch
Eating gingerbread cookies and candy for lunch...
"Look at them down there! It makes me so sick!
How those Gerudos of mine could be so awfully thick!
Can't they see it's commercial? This holiday cheer...
This retail conspiracy comes once a year...
But that's not the reason I'm whining and spited!
ZELDA'S HAVING A PARTY AND I'M NOT INVITED!"
The evil king stared at the envelope shiny
With its handwriting fancy and ever-so-tiny
"Dear Ganondorf, head Gerudo of relation,
Please accept this formal UN-invitation
I take insult at you blowing up my fair land
So when Christmas Eve comes you can talk to the hand
Cause I'm not having you at my party of Yule!
Sincerely,
Zelda, Princess of Hyrule"
Ganondorf scowled even harder than ever before
And threw the empty envelope against the door
Then he got an idea- A nasty idea that he'd never thought
"So everyone else is going... And so I am not...
Why should I sit here all upset and bumming?
I THINK THAT I'M GONNA STOP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING!"
Ganon packed up his big bag of sorcery trickers
And walked out the door with a sneer and a snicker
"Zelda thinks her party will be a great affair...
Let's just see how she likes it once I have been there!"
So Ganondorf, blessed with this evil idear
Got his horse out the barn, patting it on its rear
"Yes, my pet it's time that I got back at them
For uninviting me and then inviting HIM!"
He spoke of his enemy with words so hard
I can't put them, or else it'd be rated R
Then he mounted his horse and he rode out of sight
Screaming, "I'll get you Zelda! I'll get you tonight!"
He stopped by a cloth store on his way into town
Walked up to the counter and said with a frown
"Get me a suit woman, and make it real quick."
"What color the fabric, how big and how thick?"
"I'm a size 32, make my suit without pause!
For tonight I must disguise as old Santa Claus!"
The woman studied his face without really a care
"Read that notice, you dummy. That's why it is there."
He looked at the card to the left of her head
And his eyebrows raised up when he saw what it said
"No Santa suits shall be created for
This guy with red hair, Dragmire, Ganondorf.
He's a truly great cad and a jerk, to be simple
Not to mention his head looks like one giant pimple.
Sorry to bother, sorry to be cruel
Sincerely,
Zelda, Princess of Hyrule"
Ganon sighed a great sigh and pulled out his wallet
"Name any price woman, I'll be willing to call it."
"They're Royal Family orders, you great mental mess."
But she settled when he gave her his American Express
Half an hour later, Ganon wore his new duds
"Check me out, pretty mama... I'm an absolute stud.
Now to head to the castle, and once I am there
I'll make Zelda's dumb party an awful affair!"
So he rode and he rode through the cold and the ice
With a smile on his face, but be warned: It t'weren't nice
'Twas a look of pure malice and anger and hate
"Zelda's party'll be ruined... This is gonna be great!"
And finally at last, he stopped in front of the big castle.
Pat his horse, said "Hope it wasn't too much a hassle.
Daddy's got a little work to do once inside.
So stay here, sweetie... I need a getaway ride."
The horse didn't whinny, the horse didn't neigh
But the look on his black stallion face seemed to say
"Hurry your butt up, you great stupid jerk
I'll call PETA on your hiney if this plan doesn't work!"
He strolled oh-so-casually up to the gate
And his grinned when he got there, a grin so elate
For the gate was unlocked! There was nobody there
No one guarding for criminals they could ensnare
Ganon leaped through the gate like a swan of some sort
But on the other side, I am sad to report
Twenty vicious Dobermans, with their teeth white and shiny
Sunk their great vicious fangs into Ganondorf's hiney
As he pulled canine chompers from the seat of his pants
Ganon cursed and he cussed, in a strange rage-y trance
"So the Dobermans there will not let me get through...
I'll go over the gate, that is just what I'll do!"
So the evil king nasty bandaged up his sore posterior
Climbed a hill to the south. "Oh, the plan is superior!
I'll sneak in the castle, steal gifts and the tree
And then Zelda'll wish that she'd invited me!"
The Dobermans watched as he crossed the big gates
Their eyes wide and staring like porcelain plates
He reached the other side and stared down at the dogs
"Take that you fat over-fed puny-brained hogs!"
He chuckled a chuckle nervous as could be
And set off for the castle, Zelda for to see
Unfortunately someone saw him scamper across the grounds
Rolled their eyes, shook their head, cried, "Release the OTHER hounds!"
Like greyhounds at a racetrack they seemed to run out
Ganondorf saw them coming, he gave a loud shout
And I think, that my friends, it is needless to say
That they mauled him and bit him and dragged him away.
So he sat in a jail cell in the castle dungeon
Cursing quietly, thinking what he could have done
If Link'd not seen him racing the opposite way
From the greyhounds that chased him, he'd have gotten away
But now he sat here, listening to the soiree above
With nobody to talk to, nobody to love
"Stupid Zelda..." he snapped, to no one really there
"All I want's to ruin Christmas, but she don't even care."
That's when Ganon remembered something that might work
But might get him a reputation as a jerk
Secret Santa was going to take place that night
It might take some convincing, it might be a hard fight
But Ganon knew if he could convince Zelda he had
A present for his Secret Santa, she'd be glad
To allow him upstairs to join up in the throng
"Now all I need's a present. And it can't take too long!
"A present, now sonny? That might be a bit tough,"
Commented Ganon's cellmate, a crazy guy old and gruff
"But I have something here that a lady might like
It's a beaded leather sheath to keep a fighting knife clean
Says it keeps up its shine and its newly-bought gleam!"
"How much you want it for?" asked Ganon with a perk.
"Oh... 500 Rupees or so should probably work."
Ganondorf got unhappy. His morale got real bad
At the fabric store he spent all the money he'd had
"How about a trade?" Ganon asked with a sigh.
"I like that cape of yours," the prisoner did reply.
So he took off his cape, handing it to the man
Who gave over the sheath and said, "Thank you! Come again!"
So cape-less but with gift Ganon headed upstairs
To join the other party guests, to get rid of his cares
"But of course my plan to screw up Christmas is on.
I won't stop for an instant until it is gone!"
When he reached the party room, Zelda kind of freaked out
"HE'S ESCAPED!" she cried out in a pitiful shout
"Calm yourself, little princess." Ganon said with a sneer
"I've a gift for someone. I've all rights to be here."
Zelda sighed a great sigh and then turned on her heels
To see Link, with his muscle and manly appeal
He sat on a red sofa with a bit of party punch
"Just a couple more minutes, then Christmas goes KER-UNCH!"
So what happens next in the badly rhymed plot?
Does Ganon destroy Christmas? Or does Ganon not?
To find out the ending to this story you like-ud
Go read the rest of "The Gift of the Sheikah"!
If you think it'll be stupid or off with its timing-
Listen, I promise: There'll be no more rhyming!
