THE GIFT OF THE SHEIKAH


Impa ran, her hands on her head, all the way to her private bedroom.
"Oh my gosh... How could I be so terrible? I COMPLETELY forgot to get my Secret Santa a present! And they'll be all embarrassed because they're the only ones without anything!"
The Sheikah woman collapsed onto her bed and buried her head in her hands.
"Come on Impa... Think... THINK! There's GOT to be SOME WAY to remember who I had for a Secret Santa!"
She banged her head with her fists and paced back and forth, but there was no way around it. Impa had forgotten who she had picked.
"I know it was a man..." she sighed. "But... who?"
Nothing seemed to work. Impa just could not remember the identity of her Secret Santa.
"I suppose I'd better get him a gift anyway..." she sighed. "But there's only an hour left until the party! What can I get before then?"

Impa supposed her best bet would be to run down to the castle gift shop to find SOMETHING to buy for her Secret Santa.
"So, he's a man... Well, there are only four- no, three- No, two men who were invited! Link and Darunia... And if Zelda has Link, then... YES! DARUNIA!"
Impa stopped in her tracks.
"Darunia? What in the heck am I going to buy HIM for Christmas?!"
After carefully considering the situation, Impa decided that the best thing to do for the Goron King would be to run outside and pick up the biggest rock she could find.
It was 7:30.
Impa raced to the main entrance hall of the castle, and crept over to the switch to lower the drawbridge. She pulled the lever, and the drawbridge clanked as it lowered down across the moat.
"AACK!"
"AAIEE!" Impa heard from outside.
"Oh crap! I just killed Zelda's guests with the drawbridge!"
But when she looked outside, she saw that both Link and Saria were alive and well, just a bit spooked.
Saria was wearing a Christmas-y green velvet jumper and a green bow, and Link was wearing... The same thing he wears everyday, with the addition of a green bow tie.
"Hey, watch the bridge, Impa!" Saria cried.
"Yeah!" Link yelled. "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas," Impa said glumly. "Zelda's upstairs in the great hall..."
"No I'm not!"
All three of them turned to see Zelda peeking out of the helmet of a suit of armor set up across from the door.
"Zelda... what are you doing?" asked Link.
"Oh, just... watching for you," she giggled, kicking away the armor and running over to Link, locking him in a great big hug. "Baby!"
Link rolled his eyes and tried to push her away. "Come on Zelda, we have to get upstairs... Oh, and by the way, did you by chance invite Ganondorf?"
Zelda immediately released him. "WHAT? No! I UN-invited him!"
"Well he just ran across the lawn of the castle pursued by about a hundred vicious greyhounds and dobermans with his underwear hanging out of his ripped pants."
"No WAY!" Zelda gasped. She ran to the door and looked out into the blinding snow and cold.
"AAAAAGGGH! GET AWAY! DOWN BOY! DOWN! NICE DOGGIES! NICE DOGGIES!"
"Well, there goes Ganondorf across the lawn of the castle," Saria sighed. "ROWF! ROWF! ROWF! CHOMP! ROWF!"
"And there's the hundred vicious greyhounds and dobermans," Impa added. RIIIIIIIIIP!
"AAAAAIEEEEE! COLD! COLD!"
"And there's his ripped underwear," Link said coolly.
"GUARDS!" Zelda shrieked, "I SOOOOO UNINVITED HIM! BUT HE'S HERE ANYWAY! ARREST HIM!"
A big group of guards scampered across the lawn and snagged Ganondorf before the dogs could finish ripping him to shreds.
A few minutes later, they were all standing in the door of the castle holding the torn-up evil king.
"Princess, what shall we do with him?"
Link and Zelda stared coldly at Ganondorf, who was trying to stop the bleeding with an old towel.
"Hang him by his thumbs in the dungeon!" Link snapped.
"No! Call the castle dancers and have them perform 'The Nutcracker' on his groin area!" Zelda grinned evilly.
"NOOOOOO!" Ganondorf screamed, dropping to his knees.
"Oh come on, you guys! It's Christmas Eve!" Saria scolded.
"But he's our mortal enemy!" Link and Zelda cried.
"He kidnapped me more times than anyone can count!" Zelda squealed.
"He blew me up several times over!" Link snarled. "Now it's payback time!"
"You guyyyys... Come on! So what if he's an evil creep?" Saria cooed, giving the battered evil king a great big hug.
Ganondorf stared at her confusedly.
"It's Christmas Eve! Don't punish him! Let him stay here in the warm castle until the storm stops!" Saria suggested.
Ganondorf gave Zelda the sad puppy face. She rolled her eyes, frowned and put her hands on her hips.
"Oh... FINE! He can stay!" she groaned.
"YIPPEEEE!" Ganondorf cheered.
"... In the dungeon." Zelda added smoothly.
"WHAT?!"
"I didn't invite you to my party but you showed up anyway! You big jerk!" Zelda yelled. "You can stay! But you have to stay in the dungeon the whole time!"
"Awww..." Ganondorf sighed. "But... it's Christmas Eve! Can't I have a little bit of refreshments?"
Link gave him a look, and Zelda scowled.
Saria glared at both of them.
"Agggh, fine." Link shrugged. "One little quick cup of eggnog. Then it's off to the dungeon with you, Ganon-dork!"
"And some ribbon candy?" Ganondorf added.
"Don't push it," Zelda snarled.
"Sheesh. You pull one little world domination stint, and then no one ever speaks to you again! And people wonder why I'm evil..." Ganondorf whined as the guards dragged him away.
The whole time, Impa stood back watching the conversation. She felt sorry for Ganondorf... all alone, with no friends in the world... All alone in the cold on Christmas Eve, with nothing better to do than crash a party that he wasn't invited to just to get a little company.
Zelda, Saria and Link made their way back up to the party room and Impa remembered where she had been heading.
"Oh, that castle gift shop... All the rocks are buried under the snow. Maybe I'll buy Darunia a little Spiritual Stone replica or something."
"OWWW!" she heard from around the corner. "YOU BIG JERKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO, YOU IMBICILE!"
"Poor Ganondorf," she sighed. "Maybe I'll get him a little something too..."

Finally, Impa reached the castle gift shop, where she picked out a couple of nice things. For Darunia, a little clay model kit that let you build a replica of Death Mountain and Kakariko Village. She figured it would be like a pack of chewing gum for him.
And in the very back of the shop, she had found a lovely clasp that could be used to strap a cape onto your shoulders. It was gold with little Triforce designs on it. It wasn't very expensive, but Impa knew he would appreciate it.
He may be an evil jerk, but everyone deserved a special surprise on Christmas.
Impa placed her purchases on the counter, and the clerk rang them up. "How d'ya wanna pay, honey?" asked the clerk.
"Here, take my Lady Visa." Impa said, handing her credit card to the woman.
The clerk scanned the card, and shook her head. "Sorry, hon. This only has enough credit on it to pay for the clay model."
"Oh..." Impa said quietly. "Um... just a second..."
She dug into her pocket, but she had no more money.
"I..."
"'S all right, hon. We take trades, too."
"Oh." Impa replied.
She looked around in her pockets for anything that she could trade. "How about... some ABC gum?" she asked hopefully.
The clerk raised an eyebrow.
"Um, all right... how about a paper clip? A hair tie? A little bit of lint?"
The clerk shook her head.
"Well the only other things I have I'm wearing..." Impa sighed. "It's all right... never mind..."
She took the model kit and turned to leave.
"HEY!"
Impa stopped in her tracks. "What?"
"That knife! Where did you get that?" the clerk demanded.
"It's my most prized possession. I won it in a card game when I was 12." Impa smiled.
"It's gorgeous! I have never seen a knife with that fine of quality since the old days!" the clerk beamed. "Tell you what, sweetie. You can take your cape fastener, if I can have your knife."
"WHAT?" Impa gasped.
"Don't worry, don't worry. As soon as you pay me 15 Rupees for the fastener, you can have your knife back. I promise."
Impa sighed. She thought of how happy she had been when she had won that knife... And then she thought of Ganondorf, down in the cold, stinky dungeon, all alone except for a few crazy people... With no Christmas cheer or presents...
"All right," Impa said. She unstrapped her knife from her back, and gave it a teary kiss. "Don't worry sweetie... I'll be back soon..."
She turned away and covered her eyes as the clerk took the knife and handed her the re-wrapped box in which Ganondorf's present was set.

"IMPAAAAAA!" shrieked Zelda as Impa walked out of the gift shop.
"WHAAAAAAT?" Impa yelled back.
"THE HORS D'OEUVRES ARE NOT HERE YET!" Zelda cried worriedly.
"ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL GO TO THE KITCHEN AND CHECK IT OUT!" Impa whined.
She turned in the direction of the kitchen and then she saw it- The door to the dungeons right next to the kitchen entryway.
A big sign on the dungeon door said, "DUNGEON OF ETERNAL TORMENT. ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE IN THE CUSTODY OF A GUARD. HAVE A NICE DAY! :)
Impa took a deep breath. "Come on... it's the nice thing to do... All I have to do is go down there and see him for just a second..."

At the bottom of the dungeon steps, Impa was shocked to find Ganondorf missing... and even more shocked to hear a scream of terror from upstairs.
"HE'S ESCAPED!" shrieked Zelda.
"ZELDAAAA!" Impa cried, racing up the stairs, past the kitchen, and through the many corridors of the castle to the room where the party was taking place.

When Impa arrived in the room, everything seemed to be calm. Link and Saria were still the only guests to have arrived, and Zelda was laughing and sipping punch as she flirted with Link, who was sort of trying to get away from her.
And then she saw Ganondorf, enjoying a paltry cup of Christmas punch on the red sofa, where he sat, looking lonely.
Impa cleared her throat and sat down next to him.
He stared at her, and tried to lick the last of the punch out of his glass.
"Um... hi." Impa smiled.
"Hi," Ganondorf replied, crushing his cup and staring angrily at the Christmas tree in the corner.
"So, uh... when did you get up here?" she asked.
"When I decided to escape and come up... I hate Christmas." Ganondorf scowled. "Because no one ever gets me presents or invites me to Christmas parties... even now, I'm only here because I got arrested while trying to ruin the party for everyone." He glanced at Impa's surprised face. "Oops. I shouldn't have said that."
"So, listen..." Impa said quietly. "I kind of... felt sorry for you, with no one to talk to and all... So I..." She blushed and handed him the red package.
Ganondorf's eyes popped out and a wide grin spread across his green-complexioned face. "WOW! A REAL CHRISTMAS PRESENT!" he cried. "WOWWEEEE!"
Impa smiled at him, and he thrust the messily wrapped package that he had used to get into the party at her. "Here! I was saving this for someone, but since you're so nice, you can have it!"
Impa grinned too, and both of them tore away the wrapping paper on their gifts.
"OH WOW!" Ganondorf squealed. "A NEW CLASP FOR MY... my... cape..."
"OH MY GOSH!" Impa cried. "A BEAUTIFUL NEW SHEATH FOR MY... my... knife..."
Both of them stared awkwardly at their gifts, and then Ganondorf spoke up.
"Wow, this is great, but... I traded my cape to an old crazy guy in the dungeon for your knife sheath..."
"And the case is beautiful... But I traded my knife to the clerk at the gift shop for your cape clasp..."
They both laughed nervously.
"You gave up your favorite knife just to buy this for me?" asked Ganondorf.
"Yeah, and you gave up your cape so you could get this beautiful sheath..." Impa added a little sadly.
They were both quiet, and then they both screamed, "THAT'S THE SWEETEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE FOR ME!"
Ganondorf grinned and stared into Impa's entrancing purple eyes...
Impa smiled and stared into Ganondorf's pale green skin...
Then they both leaped into each other's arms and made out like they had accidentally stepped under a mistletoe tree!

"GAAAAH!" Link groaned, when he caught sight of them.
"HOLY CRAP! IMPA!" Zelda shrieked.
"Aww, that's so sweet!" Saria sighed.

Suddenly Impa stopped. "Wait, wait! Ganondorf, what about your plan to destroy Christmas?"
"Huh?" Ganondorf mumbled. "Whaddya mean? Christmas is my favorite holiday!"
"Since when?" Impa giggled.
"Since... NOW!"
And then they were at it again. I suppose you could have called it... sweet... I guess...

Then a miracle happened that magical way
Ganondorf's little heart grew three sizes that day
He'd found his true love under the mistletoe
And of course Ganon didn't want Christmas to go!
Because he'd had no cape and she'd had no knife
They'd given the best gifts ever given in life
For they gave of themselves, with money or without
Because that is what Christmastime is all about!
(GAG!) This moral's getting way, WAY too mushy
I don't like reading stuff that's romantic and gushy...
So we'll say that that couple beside the Yule log
Made out because Impa'd drunken a bit too much egg nog!

~THE END~