1 Learning When To Move On

Rafe stared out over the sky. The small white patches of clouds seemed to scatter as the plane cut through them. It wasn't the same, Rafe noticed, as being in an army plane. But then again, nothing was. He rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his right hand. . .his right hand. He flexed it back and forth a few times.

"It's not that he's shy, he's just a little unsure of himself. His old man used to bear down on him all the time. Get him into a plane and he's sure of himself. . .He's like my brother, he's like my best friend, my right hand. . ." Rafe said softly in Evelyn's ear. He glanced over at Danny, sullenly hunched over in the booth.

"Which at this moment is a long way south of my waist," Evelyn noted. Rafe slowly moved his hand farther up her back.

"Oh I'm sorry. . .I lost a little altitude there."

"Yeah I guess you did. . ."

"Rafe?" Evelyn asked, worriedly. "Rafe are you okay?"

"What?" Rafe asked distractedly.

"Are you all right?" she repeated. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing. Just thinking," he said, staring back out the window. He curled his right hand into a fist in his lap. Danny had been his right hand. And now, he was gone. He had died in Rafe's arms. . .

"I'm--I'm not going to make it," Danny gasped, between sobs of pain and sadness.

"Oh yes you are. You're going to be just fine," Rafe said, untying his shaking friend.

"I'm so cold, Rafe. . ." Danny cried.

"What if I had made him stay?" Rafe said, not meaning to speak aloud. He startled himself nearly as much as he startled Evelyn.

"What?" she asked, surprised by the inquiry.

Rafe was silent for a moment, debating whether or not to repeat the question. "What if I had made him stay with you, at Pearl Harbor, instead of going on the Doolittle Raid?"

Evelyn didn't answer. She pursed her delicately painted lips together in a thin line, not knowing how to answer the question. Well, the answer was plain as day: Had Rafe convinced Danny to stay, Danny would still be alive.

"See that's what's been bothering me," Rafe continued. "I tried to convince him to stay. I told him he had nothing to prove."

"And?" Evelyn asked, turning to face Rafe.

"And. . ." Rafe trailed off.

"Danny, don't do this. Don't go on this mission. You've got nothing to prove," Rafe said, looking up at his friend.

Danny's face broke out into a wide grin. "You've been trying to protect me since we were kids."

"Yeah, well you do tend to need it from time to time," Rafe admitted. Danny laughed.

"And?" Evelyn prompted.

"And. . .and I didn't. I tried to. . .but he told me that I was always trying to protect him," Rafe answered, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Well, he was right," Evelyn reasoned gently. "You were always protecting him. . .I think he felt like this was something he needed to do. Even if he had nothing to prove to you, or Doolittle, or anyone else. . .he had something to prove to himself. Of course he wanted to go and serve his country and the whole bit, but I think he wanted to prove to himself that he didn't need your protection. . ."

Rafe sat up straighter in his seat. "Of course he didn't need my protection out there. Goddamnit he died saving me!"

Evelyn's face fell. "Oh, Rafe. . .no. . .is that what you think?"

Rafe didn't respond. He turned back and stared out the window again.

"Rafe. . .answer me, please," Evelyn begged.

No answer.

"Rafe-"

"Yes goddamnit that's what I think!" Rafe snapped. "What the hell else am I supposed to think?"

Evelyn was shocked. "I-I don't know, Rafe. I wasn't there. I didn't see what happened. . ."

"You're right. You weren't there. And you DON'T know what happened. So before you go into your tirade of telling me it's not my fault, let me just tell you that you have NO idea about what you're talking about!" Rafe yelled.

Evelyn touched his arm. He blanched at the touch. "Rafe. . .why don't you tell me about what happened in China."

Rafe's face went blank. "Look. . .I don't feel like going into details. You know that Danny died, and that's all you need to know."

"But maybe if you tell me-"

"Evelyn, no," Rafe said firmly.

"Okay. . ."

Silence. Evelyn absent-mindedly placed her hand on her stomach, thinking about her baby-Danny's baby.

Rafe glanced at her. "Danny knew."

Evelyn turned and gave him a puzzled look.

"About the baby. . .Danny knew. I told him."

Evelyn opened her mouth to say something.

"Now I know you didn't want me too. . .but I had to. . .I had to tell him before he-" Rafe's voice broke. "I just thought he should know."

Evelyn nodded, somewhat understandingly.

The plane started to descend. Rafe closed his eyes, bracing himself for a rough landing-merely a habit. This time, however, he felt the wheels lightly skim the runway, and the engine sputter and then wind down to a complete stop.

"Okay, well, let's go," he said, standing up. Evelyn did the same, and the two of them walked off the plane together. Rafe sighed. He was finally going home.

~

It was just before sunset when Rafe and Evelyn finally made it home. They didn't have much luggage-just one suitcase apiece. Rafe insisted on carrying Evelyn's into the house.

He opened the front door, and walked through a tiny kitchen, up a flight of stairs, and down a long hallway.

"You can uh, stay in this room," Rafe said, showing Evelyn to an empty bedroom. "It's uh not much. So if you want a different room, you can have mine, and I'll stay in here."

"No. . .no, this is fine, thanks."

"Okay then. . .I'll let you get settled," Rafe said, setting down her suitcase. He stepped out of the room, and headed towards his own. He put his suitcase down, and then walked down the stairs, and out the door.

He sauntered over towards the barn and stepped inside the dilapidated and dimly lit building. The old wooden airplane was still there, covered in a thick layer of grime resulting from years of neglect. Rafe slowly stepped towards the small plane, running a hand on the grit-covered wing.

"German bandits! Two o'clock!" Rafe cried, as his father flew by the barn in the crop duster.

"Increase throttle-power dive!" Danny replied.

"Proud shootin' Danny!"

"Proud shootin' Rafe!" Danny yelled, moving back to utilize the "tail gun".

"Land of the free!"

"Home of the brave!"

Rafe hoisted himself into the first seat of the old plane. He looked behind him. Danny wasn't there. He glanced down at the control panel.

"Spell it right, Rafe. 'Rudder' is spelled with two Ds," Danny corrected his friend, erasing the chalk-written misspelling and writing in the proper letters.

Danny's seven-year-old handwriting was still on the wooden planks- very faded, but still there. Rafe traced the white letters with his index finger.

He laughed a little, remembering how eager they both had been to go off and fight in a war, how anxious they were to become pilots. It had been their dream. Well, now Rafe would have given up anything and everything, every last part of that dream, if it meant having his best friend back.

"So this is the crop duster."

Rafe looked up. Evelyn. "What? Oh, no. . .no. This. . . me and Danny used this plane when we were kids. We would pretend we were army pilots, off fighting the German bandits."

Evelyn took a step closer. "So you two always wanted to be pilots?"

"As far back as I can remember, yeah," Rafe answered honestly. "We flew our first plane when we were seven."

"Really?" Evelyn looked surprised.

"Well, not really," Rafe admitted, smiling at the memory. "We got into my dad's crop duster, and I was supposed to 'teach' Danny how to fly. Well I'm sitting there, hitting all these buttons and switches, and I turned one switch, and the plane started. Now I didn't know what in the world I was doing. The plane started to move, and I think Danny and I had two heart attacks apiece. . ."

Evelyn laughed.

"But all of a sudden, the plane launches into the air. . .not very far, granted. We were lucky if we were ten feet off the ground."

"Oh my gosh! We're flying!" Rafe screamed in a mixture of happiness and terror.

"We're flying!" Danny repeated.

"And?" Evelyn prompted again.

"So we're airborne for maybe three or four seconds, and then the plane hits the ground again, keeps going for twenty feet, skids, turns, and finally stops," Rafe said, laughing. "We thought we were the best damn pilots in the world."

"My dad's gonna kill me," Rafe gasped, once the dust and dirt was settling.

"We flew!" Danny exclaimed, jumping down from his seat in the crop duster.

"We flew! Yes! I'm a pilot!" Rafe shouted, running happily towards the barn.

Evelyn laughed. "Well for seven, that's not bad."

"Well. . ." Rafe trailed off.

"You dun count boy! I told you 'f you come down here, play with this stupid boy, can't read-You won't amount to nuthin!" Danny's father had screamed, grabbing Danny by the back of his shirt and overalls.

"He's not stupid daddy!" Danny had defended his friend.

Danny's father turned, and stared at him. With one swift motion he knocked his son to the ground.

"Rafe?" Evelyn asked, becoming more concerned.

"Yeah. . .well, I'm sorry what were we talking about?" Rafe asked.

"The crop duster."

"Oh. . .right, right."

"So. . .where is it?" Evelyn asked, trying to make conversation.

"Where is what?" Rafe asked, even more distractedly.

"The crop duster. Do you still have it?"

"Oh. Yeah. It's out behind the barn," Rafe replied. "Hasn't been flown in months. Maybe years. No use trying it now."

"Oh."

"Well, it's getting late, I'm going inside," Rafe said, getting down from the plane.

"All right," Evelyn replied, following him at a distance. She waited by the barn while he went inside the house. The sun was just setting. She had told Rafe she would never look at another sunset without thinking of him. . .so why was she thinking about Danny?

"Hey Evelyn-have you ever seen Pearl Harbor at sunset?" Danny asked, perched on the wing on a B-52.

"Of course," she replied, smiling.

"Well, from the air?"

Evelyn closed her eyes, remembering their flight over the harbor. The sun had been so beautiful. Danny had held her close to him, so close that she could smell his aftershave. . .

"Just don't do what he did-the thing where you flip over-what're they called?"

"A barrel roll?" Danny asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. . .I won't," Danny promised. The promise didn't last very long-his face broke out into a wide grin and he maneuvered the plane into a smooth barrel roll. Evelyn screamed, but then realized that she was safe, and started laughing.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. . .I like that," Evelyn said, gasping for breath.

"Evelyn?" Rafe called from inside the house.

"Yes?"

"Phone call."

"Okay. . .I'll be right in," she said. She turned and stared at the sun. It had all but disappeared beneath the horizon. Seconds later, it was gone before she had even really gotten the chance to appreciate it.

~

Evelyn entered the tiny kitchen, where Rafe was waiting for her, holding a telephone.

"Hello?" Evelyn said into the phone.

"Hey Ev, it's Sandra. I'm just seeing how you're doing."

"I'm fine. Rafe and I just got home."

"How's Rafe?"

Evelyn looked around the room. Rafe had left. "I don't know," she whispered.

"What'd you mean?"

"Well, he keeps. . .he keeps drifting off. . .his mind does, that is. We'll be talking and he gets this faraway look in his eyes, and he'll be gone for a minute or two. Then he comes back and sometimes he doesn't even remember what we had just been talking about," Evelyn explained.

"Maybe he's still in shock about Danny and everything."

"That could be it. I just wish I knew what happened in China. He won't tell me anything beyond the fact that Danny died."

"Well give him a few days. Maybe he'll come around."

"I hope so."

"Well, you sound exhausted. I'll let you get some sleep. The girls will be there in a few days for the burial, but if you need to call, don't hesitate."

"Thanks, Sandra. You take care."

"You too, Ev."

Evelyn hung up the phone. She stepped outside the front door. The sky was a deep navy colored, the stars speckling its smooth appearance, like diamonds on an evening gown. It was quiet. Too quiet.

Where was Rafe? Evelyn looked at the front face of the house. A light was shining through one of the upper windows. She assumed he was in his room, maybe asleep.

"What's going to become of us all, Rafe?" Evelyn asked, tucked in Rafe's arms.

"Well, the future isn't exactly in our hands. . ." Rafe answered, providing a sense of reality and comfort at the same time.

Evelyn stood there, remembering her question. That was before everything had happened. Now she seriously wondered what would become of them all. Rafe had convinced Colonel Doolittle to allow his men a two-day leave to return to Tennessee for Danny's Burial. But after that. . .what? Go back to Pearl Harbor? Well, those were the orders. . .but Evelyn wondered if she would be physically and emotionally able to set foot in the hospital again. She still heard the screams of the dying and the wounded. . .the pleas for life, the horrid uttering of "I don't want to die!"; She still sensed the stench of blood and wounded, burned flesh. . .

"Ev?"

Evelyn turned around to find Rafe standing in the threshold. "Yes?"

"I uh was unpacking. Thought you might want this," Rafe said, holding out the scarf she had given him the night before he had left for England. "I mean, not that you need it here, but if you go some place where it's cold. . .or something like that."

"Oh. . .Rafe, I meant for you to have it. . .to keep it," Evelyn insisted.

"Yeah, well that was when we were together and everything. And we're not now, so. . .here," he said matter-of-factly, holding the scarf out for Evelyn to take.

Evelyn looked at the folded cloth in Rafe's hand, and then back at Rafe's emotionless face. "Um. . .thanks," she finally said, taking her scarf.

"Yeah. . .well it's getting kind of cold out. . ."

"Rafe, it's Tennessee."

"Well, we're both used to Hawaii weather. . .so why don't you come inside? Don't want you to get sick or anything. Hurt the baby," Rafe said.

"Rafe, I'm not going to-" Evelyn stopped when she realized that Rafe was trying to protect her, protect the baby, maybe be a good 'father' even if it was exceedingly early. "Actually, it is cold," she said, finally, and stood up and went inside.

~*~

Rafe walked silently up to his room, and shut the door behind him. He felt badly-Evelyn had loved Danny. His death hurt her, too. But Rafe was in no mood to play the role of a sympathetic friend. He had too much guilt to even attempt sympathy.

Rafe changed out of his army uniform and into a white shirt and some shorts. He went into the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and splashed water on his face. He grabbed a white terrycloth towel and dried his face. He examined himself in the mirror. A few shrapnel cuts, not very deep. From the looks of it, only one would scar; maybe none if he was lucky enough. But why was he worrying about scars, he thought to himself. He was alive. He was alive and Danny was dead. And because Danny was dead he was alive. It didn't seem fair.

"Fair?" he muttered to himself. "I'm alive and I'm complaining that it's not fair? What kind of ungrateful bastard am I?"

Rafe walked back to his room, and climbed into bed. He shut off the light and tried to go to sleep. But he couldn't sleep. He looked out the window. He could see the barn, and the old red crop duster. Rafe sighed, and got up and pulled down the curtains. He didn't want to see it.

He finally settled back in his bed and shut his eyes, and found his way to sleep.

It was cold, and dark. And they were surrounded by Japs. Rafe practically felt his heart beat straight out of his chest. What was going to happen? They were all going to die. All of them. There was no way they could escape the patrols.

Suddenly, the sky lit up. A B-25 went flying over their heads, spewing bullets and pellets of fire. Some Japs were hit, before the plane went crashing into the field a few hundred feet away.

"DANNY!" Rafe yelled, running across the field, ignoring the urgent pleas of his squadron to remain near their own plane. Jap patrols. He shot at them. Hit them. Dead. Good. The bastards. He kept running. "DANNY!"

"Aw, Anthony!" he said, finding his friend dead on a heap of plane shrapnel. He paused for a moment, but only a moment. He had to find Danny. . .

"DANNY!" Rafe yelled again, finding his friend slumped next to the side of the plane.

"I've had better landings," Danny said weakly, laughing.

"Danny, you're gonna be all right. . ."

"I've got something in my neck. . ."

"Here, I'll get it out. . .don't move," Rafe said. Danny grimaced as Rafe removed the jagged piece of metal from his neck. Rafe flinched inwardly. He hated to see his friend like this.

He didn't have much time to gather up sympathy for Danny. As soon as the metal had been removed, Danny looked up, beyond and behind Rafe. Fear was evident in his eyes. Fear and horror.

Rafe turned to look at what Danny was seeing, but he found himself looking right at a Jap patrol. In a split second, the patrol had hit Rafe over the head, knocking him down. Now they were all surrounded. Jap patrols held them at gunpoint. They were all helpless. No B-25 could save them now.

Rafe went in and out of consciousness for a few moments. He heard loud shouting. Loud shouts of Japanese. He didn't know what they were saying, but thought maybe that was for the better. They held a gun to Danny's head.

Danny.

He closed his eyes in a combination of fear, and pain. He was breathing heavily; His heart was pounding. . .

The Japs picked him up and tied him to a wooden plank, all the while shouting orders in a foreign language. Rafe looked at Danny, who was looking right back at him, with a pleading expression.

Looking around him, Rafe found a shotgun, and fired it at the Jap Patrols that were holding Danny. There were more patrols coming at them. Rafe went to fire at them. Kill them. Kill them all. They deserved it. But there was nothing. No bullets left, no magazines, no other shot gun within reach. The Japanese fired. Rafe was certain he was going to die. Then Danny moved in the path of the bullet. . .

"DANNY!"

"Rafe. . .Rafe, wake up. . ."

Rafe opened his eyes groggily. "Wh-what?"

"What's. . .what's going on?" Evelyn asked, worry present on her face.

"I. . .the Japs. . .China. . .Danny," Rafe tried to explain groggily. His heart was still pounding. "Where am I?"

"You're at your home. In Tennessee. . .I was sleeping down the hall and I heard you yelling. . ." Evelyn explained.

"Oh. . .right, right. Tennessee," Rafe said, slowly starting to remember, and realize that it had been a dream.

"Are-are you ok?" Evelyn asked. Of course he wasn't okay. She knew that. She wasn't stupid. But maybe if she asked, he'd actually explain what he was thinking; Tell her what happened during the Doolittle Raid.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just. . .dreaming. Sorry to wake you up and everything."

"No-no, it's okay."

Rafe looked at his watch. 3 AM. "Well, it's still pretty damn early. You should get back to bed. Get some sleep. Everybody is coming down today for the burial."

"Yeah. . .yeah. Ok well if you. . .need anything. . .just, let me know," Evelyn said.

"I'll be fine."

"Yeah, but just in case. . ."

"Okay Ev," Rafe said tiredly. He was asleep before she even left the room.

Evelyn went back to her room. She couldn't fall back asleep. Not now. Rafe had scared her. She had been sound asleep-not really dreaming. Just asleep. She had awoken to the terrified screams of Rafe. He was yelling for Danny. . .

What had happened in China? She knew Danny had died; She knew that the raid had gone horribly compared to its ideal plan. But what? What was Rafe refusing to tell her? She contemplated the possible scenarios, but deep down had no idea. And then the thought occurred to her that maybe, deep down, she didn't want to know.