Holiday Filksonglets
by Sharyna Tran
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Disclaimer: All songs used are not property of the author, although
the characters and adaptations are. Steal any of either, and you're
looking at a slow barefoot walk over hot coals and exploration
of your internal organs while you watch. Et cetera.
=====
[Anita, Silf, and Andromeda walk into the MSTing conference
room, where Deception and Shrike are already waiting for them.]
Anita *sniffling*: What's up?
Silf: Yeah, what's so important that it couldn't wait until
tomorrow? I don't get many days off...
Andromeda: And will it take long? My current experiment needs
a lot of attention at the moment, I can't pause the works for that long...
Deception: Oh, come on now. You guys haven't been working
for the Boss that long, and you're already starting to whine.
Shrike: Yeah, wait'll you start branching off into other
departments, *then* you'll have something to whine about. As
Jian can testify to, if you ever meet him. @_@ Dear godlings,
she's got him *everywhere*.
Deception: No kidding. LJ, MLs, TALs...poor guy. *shakes her
head* Anyways, this time it's nothing big. She just decided that
we should be singing a few carols, for the Christmas season.
Silf: Thought she didn't celebrate Christmas?
Shrike: Oh, she doesn't. I dunno why she's doing this. No-one
knows much about why the Boss does anything. Anyways...
*hands out a bunch of cheap carol-books and cheesy Santa hats*
Here you guys go. Oh, and she's tweaked them in her own little
way, so beware.
Anita *sniffling again*: Uhm...I've kinda got a cold...do I still
have to do this?
Deception: Sorry, yeah. But don't worry. It's not like you're
going to be singing alone or anything. Let's get started, shall we?
[Everyone opens their carol-books and begins singing the first song.]
(Song 1: Filk of "Last Christmas...")
Last Christmas, I gave you my pop-tart,
But it was old and stale, and you threw it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give you a pumpkin, special...
[Everyone gradually stops.]
Anita: OK. This cold I've got is *not* the only reason this
seems totally incoherent to me, is it?
Others: *shake their heads*
Shrike: Well, the Boss seems to have gone full-bore looney this
year.
Deception *shrugs*: We might as well see how messed up the
other songs are...
[Everyone opens up their carol-books again.]
(Song 2: Filk of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")
We wish you a merry Fishmas,
We wish you a merry Fishmas,
We wish you a merry Fishmas,
And a happy new beer!
Good salmon to all,
Wherever you are,
Good salmon for Fishmas,
And a happy new beer!
Silf: Well, that wasn't SO bad. It at least made a LITTLE sense,
I think.
Andromeda: Should we go on?
Shrike: Might as well, there's only one song left.
(Song 3: Filk of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
I saw chickens eating Santa Claus,
Underneath the Christmas tree last night
They didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep;
They wanted his milk and cookies,
and they didn't want to share
So
They just started eating Santa Claus
Underneath the Christmas tree, that's right
Oh,
The money I could make
If only I'd thought to tape
Chickens eating Santa Claus last night!
[Everyone closes their carol-books, eyes O_O]
Deception: Well. That was...extremely freaky.
Others: No kidding.
Andromeda *examines her carol-book closely*: Are you sure
that's the last song? That's it?
Deception: Ummm...I think so...
Shrike: Yeah, I don't think she made any more. Though I think
she ghostwrote for one for this Jarred kid from another team, but
that's another story. Why? Is there a problem?
Andromeda *takes off her Santa hat and starts gesturing wildly
with it*: There aren't any Jewish songs! I can't believe it! Doesn't
she *know* about Hanukkah?
Shrike: Um. I think she *knows* about it, but...um...
Deception: That *is* weird, though. I guess she didn't have
enough inspiration, or something?
Anita: Well, maybe she just had too much respect for the Jewish
faith to filk it. Or something.
Andromeda: But...but that's not *fair*!
Silf: Oh, come on. You don't see *me* whining about the lack
of an Eid-al-Fitr filksong, do you?
Deception: Thought you said you were Greek Orthodox?
Silf: Well, yeah. But I'm half-Egyptian, so I do know of *some*
Muslim traditions.
Andromeda: Hmph! Well, if *she's* not going to bother to
make a Hanukkah filksong, *I'm* just going to have to! Wait right
here, guys. *she walks over to one of the chairs, grabs a pencil
from behind her ear, and starts scribbling madly on the back of
her carol-book*
[The others wait around a bit, Andromeda soon comes back.]
Andromeda: Right, then! *holds out her carol-book so that
everyone can read it* OK, on three. Three!
[Everyone begins singing.]
(Song 4: Filk of "The Dreidle Song")
I have a mega-laser,
I made it out of...(*whispering* "What's that say?" *whisperwhisperwhisper* "Oh.") manyvariouscomponents
And when I'm good and ready,
The world will I take over.
Oh laser, laser, laser,
I made it out of manyvariouscomponents
Oh laser, laser, laser,
Now the world will I take over.
It has a lovely on-switch,
And it's so light and thin,
And after it is fired,
The world's mine-then I win!
Oh laser, laser, laser,
I made it out of manyvariouscomponents
Oh laser, laser, laser,
Now the world will I take over.
Anita: Isn't there another verse?
Andromeda: Yeah, but I couldn't make anything fit for it, so...oh
well. *shrugs*
Deception: All right then, I guess that about wraps it up. You're
free to go home, guys. Happy holidays!
Anita, Andromeda, Silf *leaving*: Happy holidays!
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These filksonglets were brought to you by Sharyna Tran, co-moderator of Meek-Haiygn Press, which brings you (yes, *you*) the wonderful News Letter, which includes Tempest's Advice Line, assorted quotes, and various happyshinyfluffy extras! Wai! Join today, it's free! (no, you will not receive any spam or other such stuff from us, because we're nice people :P) The address is: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Meek-HaiygnPress/join, if you'd like to join by e-mail, simply send a blank e-mail to Meek-HaiygnPress-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Thank you, and have a nice day!
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Live well, eat chicken, and bye!
Sharyna
Co-Moderator, Meek-Haiygn Press
