Title: I Love You, Asuka (12)
Author: Yih
Written: February 2001
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Major: Worldmage (you are great! Keep it up! Of all my readers, you probably understand what's coming better than
anyone!)
Dedication: Some more reviews that I especially like
reading. Oh, I guess Part 11 was either
you liked the moment or you hated it -_-'
Mutronburg-
hey guy! Keep this up,
i usually only come onto fanfiction.net just for this fic, a little short part
but good. Its is quite confusing but thats a good thing!
Rhine-
That went better than
expected! It's good to focus on one thing at time, that being the time at the
restaurant and not gives us the rest of the date to look forward to. I'm
beginning to get a little concerned about the voice in Shinji's head. It seems
to be more a different personality than an aspect of the self. And none of my
voices go that nuts over chocolate... but then again, some of them don't even
speak English, so I may be wrong. :) A very nice installment.
Dave
Ziegler- Well, that
was basically on par with the other chapters. Asuka and Shinji remain basically
IC, with hints of their personal development flowering. Shinji shivering at
every german utterance of Asuka was cute, too. In the one scene you mention
Asuka "gracefully running across the street" or something similar: I
just want to suggest that 'gracefully' might not fit in with Asuka's
personality so much. She seems more of a thundering, chugging locomotive (a
constant burst of pure energy)than anything that might come across in a
typically graceful fashion. At least when she is running and hauling Shinji
behind her, that is. I'm still wondering what the IV is up to, and hope you
start revealing hints about that soon. As always, hope this helps.
Disclaimer: All rights are Gainax, except Shinji's IV
(Hehe).
Part
12: Experiencing the Unknown
For some reason, I'm not terrified, Shinji thought with amazement as he heard Asuka's exclamation. Even though I should be. I have no idea what Asuka is planning. It could be something very very bad. Or then again it could be something very very good. I hope it's good.
"What's
the idea?" asked Shinji hesitantly.
Asuka's
smile turned into a grin as she said slowly, making sure to enunciate each word
carefully, "I'm--bored--Shinji."
"Err?" Shinji said nervously.
I'm not going to panic. I'm not going to panic. He wasn't
panicking; he was actually getting excited.
"Want
to go to the park?"
Shinji choked on air. I wasn't thinking she would say that.
Are you relieved or disappointed?
Disappointed.
He
felt his inner voice snicker at him.
Asuka
laughed as she shook her head disapprovingly. "Now isn't the time to get all worked up, Shinji-kun. Wait until we get to the park! Besides, where did you think we were
going? There's practically nothing else
to do at night in this town. I just
thought we'd spend some QUALITY TIME together, okay?"
Shinji
nodded.
"Let's
go," yelled Asuka, running toward the nearby park.
Shinji
followed her, breaking into a run to keep up with her.
Wow! Look at her legs. Man--
Geez, you're a pervert!
No, but she has legs. Or haven't you noticed?
Trying not to, Shinji thought. And I'm failing miserably.
When
Shinji finally got to the park, Asuka was sitting on a bench with an unusual
smile on her face. He wondered what she
was thinking. He wanted to say
something to her, anything at all. But
he didn't know what he should say to her. He'd already told her he loved her many times, and she had rejected him
each time. The last time hadn't been so
bad. At least she said she liked
me, Shinji thought with a sigh.
Asuka turned to face Shinji as he sat down beside her. She studied his face intently; she knew his face better than she knew her own. Probably because I see him so often. I wonder what Shinji's thinking. He's always thinking. He certainly wasn't what I first thought he was going to be. He was a wimp when I first met him—no--No… he was a scared boy. Now, he's not so scared, and it scares me. I feel something for him. But how can I tell him?
I shouldn't have told Asuka how I felt when she rejected me. I have no right to force my love on her. I mean, she deserves so much better than me. She's so beautiful. And now, I know that she's not the person I feared, but a person I love. I've already told her I loved her multiple times. I've thought how to tell her I love her, many more times. But she doesn't love me. And it hurts so much.
Wait a minute! You're not going through those doubts of
yours again, especially when we just made progress this afternoon! And the dinner-- it was perfect. You two are finally getting comfortable with
liking each other! I will not have you
two cooling off now!
I can't believe you two haven't
had at least one serious make out session by now!
Shinji
couldn't help himself. He had to
laugh. His morose thoughts fleeing from
his mind like the dust that was unsettled by minimal movement. Everything negative, every rejection, every
hurt, every pain was gone. They drifted
from him; the dust clogging the progress--vanished. He didn't think about anything at all, except who was there in
front of him--Asuka. He cupped her face
with his warm hand and murmured his sudden idea, "I'm bored, Asuka. Want to kiss?"
Oh, God. Oh God! What should I
say? Asuka thought in a rush. "Yes!"
They
moved at the same moment. Their lips
met in perfect harmony. The air was
ever so still around them. The only
sound either of them heard was a roaring of liquid fire. From the soothing warmth, they rose to a
raging heat. They both felt a beautiful
connection as their tongues touched, hesitantly. As fiery as the kiss was, it rivaled the red scorch of desire
with a pure white emotion of innocence. The kiss was about discovering a mutual emotion, a feeling that both of
them felt. And in the discovery, the naiveté of not knowing what was there--the unmistakable bond,
disappeared.
When
the kiss ended, neither of them said anything. They stared into each other's eyes, the kiss had touched a part of each
to the other. The kiss had been more
than a physical thing. It had been
spiritual. They had poured untold
emotions into it. A kiss that would
always be remembered. Instinctively
they reached for each other's hands. The need to be connected overrode all else. They felt each other, and they knew the kiss had been real.
Asuka
finally whispered, breaking the seemingly endless silence, "I think we'd better
go home."
Shinji
smiled and stood. The sensation that
they were linked remained even when they released each other's hand. They walked side by side to Misato's
apartment. Neither of them spoke a
word. It didn't seem necessary. They had somehow bonded in an unknown way
through the kiss. Both were content to
think carefully about what had happen before rushing into a conclusion.
A
question was still eating at Shinji, even though the kiss had exploded into a
heaven he'd never thought he could experience. He needed to ask it. He didn't wish
to break up the companionable silence, but he needed to ask.
"Asuka?"
She
stopped walking and looked at him with a question.
"Truth,"
Shinji said then paused, "do you love me?"
She
didn't meet his eyes. "I don't
know."
Heaven
was sinking back to earth.
"Asuka?"
She
gazed up at him.
"Can
you tell me why you don't know?"
She
shook her head.
"Please…"
Shinji begged. "I need…"
She
turned away from him. The wind caressed
her hair and pulled at his. She said
nothing for several minutes before she breathed out heavily and started
talking. "You've always been the scared
little boy. But one day you just woke
up, and you're not that scared little boy anymore. I don't know what you are. I know you're not scared anymore. But other than that, I can't describe what has happened to you. You're different.
"When
you woke up from those--dreams? No,
nightmares--your eyes have seen something no one else has. It causes a feeling inside of me, a dread. I think they're important, somehow. You've got to understand them, then maybe
you will become what you should. But
now, you're stuck in between. And I
don't know if I can love something that--that may change the next day."
The
revelation had appeared like an epiphany to Asuka at that moment. She didn't know why she said what she said,
it had just happened. But she knew that
what she said was true. Every word of
it meant something. It was a message to
Shinji from her heart.
Shinji
nodded sadly. "I don't know what happened to me either. I just woke up, and I started acting
different. It has to be the
dreams. They're just horrible. Not in a violent way, but in a sad way, so
incredibly sad. I--I don't want to know
what the dreams are about. Because I
know it has to be something bad."
A
tear fell down Shinji's cheek as he relived his haunting dream. "It's always the same," he murmured. "I always cry. Misato tries to cheer up up, but… I just wanted you."
Asuka
stopped walking.
She
turned around and stared at him for a few seconds. She didn't need to voice her understanding, it was written in her
eyes. He could see everything about
her. He saw a deep hidden pain inside
of her. He wanted to destroy the walls
he saw spring up around the hurt when she saw her eyes reflected off his. He wanted to know everything about her and
heal her. He needed her.
He
started walking.
He
needed to distract her from the painful memories he saw in her eyes. "Do you believe in God, Asuka?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
he queried, slightly surprised.
"Because
of the Angels. The Angels are the
proof," she muttered.
Shinji
shrugged, but a smile was beginning to turn up his lips. "Why do you think he sent them? To punish us? Or what?"
"To
teach us, but more than anything to show us the stupidity of trying to be Him,"
she retorted impatiently.
Shinji
started laughing.
Asuka shot him a sharp look that screamed 'what the fuck is so funny?' But he couldn't stop laughing long enough to explain to her why he was laughing. Asuka really didn't see what was so hilarious. I think he's really lost it this time. Yup, she affirmed when she saw him about to burst into another spurt of laughter, he's definitely lost it this time.
Shinji
took several deep breaths before he explained himself, "I asked the question
because it was supposed to take the edge off the sorrowful mood I started by
talking about those stupid dreams. But
you were taking it so seriously and you got angry, it was something I
needed. I'm not alone in this
world. I've got you. You understand how screwed up this is."
Asuka
shook her head. "You ARE weird."
Shinji
nodded with a grin, a strange confidence taking over him. "But you like me anyway, don't you?"
She
rolled her eyes. "You're pushing your
luck, Ikari Shinji!"
Shinji
rested his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to him. Before he leaned down to gently brush a kiss
on her lips, he whispered to her, "I love you, no matter what."
She
shoved him from her in a careless motion, trying to calm her overexcited
nerves. She exclaimed, "we're almost
home, Shinji."
Asuka
started walking faster, and Shinji kept his place, right next to her. When they finally arrived at Misato's
apartment, they found that Misato wasn't home. Pen-pen had already decided it was time to retire, and was found
sleeping in his cozy fridge, next to the fridge that kept the food. Eventually they found a note from
Misato. It basically said that Misato
was going out with Kaji.
Shinji
watched Asuka read the note out loud to him, and he held his breath. Usually by this time, her face turned red
and she stormed off to her room. But
this time was different. She dropped
the note in the garbage and turned to him, asking, "so, what do you want to
do?"
He
hadn't been expecting that.
"I
don't know."
"Let's
go to your room. My room will probably
make you keel over with a nosebleed," she said with a smirk.
Shinji
just nodded and followed Asuka into his room. He was still standing by his doorway not knowing what to do when Asuka
asked sharply, "are you just going to hang out by the doorway all night? Sit down on the bed next to me."
He sat down on the bed next to her. And they did nothing. They stared at each other for a long time. He didn't mind it actually. He could stare at Asuka's face forever and never get bored. It's because she's always changing, just a small part, but she's never the same. She's so different now than from what she once was. She's not nicer, she's more open to me. I like it. I love her. I just wish she'd love me.
Shinji
didn't know but as he was thinking he had instinctively moved closer to
Asuka. He was so close that he could
feel Asuka breathing on him. He tilted
his head, and she tilted hers. They
shared their second kiss of the night. This one wasn't as long, but it was just as sweet. When they broke from the kiss, neither of
them said anything. It seemed that
enough have been done today. It was
time to rest.
They
lied down on Shinji's bed, and both of them stared into each other's eyes until
they fell asleep. It had been a long
day and night.
But I still don't want this day to
end, Shinji thought. He opened his eyes when he thought that Asuka had finally fallen
asleep. He leaned toward her and pressed
a wet kiss on her forehead. He
whispered into her ear, "sweet dreams."
And
he slowly feel asleep.
Author's Note: Okay. I've got one more part to do before things start really picking up. Have you notice that the last 8,000 words have been one day? Actually (I'll have to go back and read my fic) because I believe that only 3-4 days have actually passed since the beginning, isn't that amazing? I've kept things rolling like that in such little time. Oh, for you people who believe this stinks, guess what? I have at least 5 more parts to go! So more crappy stuff to come! Oh I might pick this up to a weekly level again, but then again I'm starting 2 new series and it's so hard to promote new series. But my Dark Angel fic Project R is getting 10+ review in the first chapter (which was incredibly short), so that's doing well. CCS fic, Reminiscent is on part 2, it's doing okay, has my smallest readership but I've gotten some reviews (excited cuz this is pretty weird)! Yeah! I released way too much this week, 4 things about 7,000 words, but I'm really pumped about my new series!
I hope you enjoy this because I enjoyed writing this (I'm so happy!)… can you guess what was coming next?
P.S. For people who think I over did the kiss- I was in a WAFFist mood when I wrote it, so there! (Falalala) ^_^
Remember: Reviewing is Doing the Giving to Caring authors Slaving over Working on Writing fanfics!
