(In alphabetical Order)
* Ali as… Faith
* Cait as… Trust, Faith's little sister
* Jill as… Buffy Bot
* Juju as… Anya
* Masta as… Dawn Summers
* Rae as… Buffy Summers
* Tats as… Willow Rosenberg
Guys:
I bet you have NO IDEA how hard it was to keep this a secret. I hope you're all happy with the parts I gave out… Cait, I'm sorry, but you have to be about 4 years old. That's just how old Trust is… she looks exactly like you—well, maybe a little different—and I created her character just for you. And I'm using that character in the rest of my Buffy fics too.
I had started to write scenes for this and then liked them so much I wanted to keep them for a real story. (Not that this one isn't real, but you know…) Even if you can't see how you got you part, I'll explain it now.
Tats is Willow for a few reasons. Number one, because she sounds like her. She's kind of got that quiet-but-ready-to-pounce-when-she-gets-really-mad-thing goin' on. Plus, someone likened her to Willow and her hair's the same color.
Rae is Buffy for some pretty obvious reasons. Number one, she's the friggin' Buffy Authority among us. Number two; she looks the most like her. And number three; she'd stop making siggys for me if I had her as anyone else.
Masta is Dawn because she's wise even though she's young. Plus, she's the most innocent…well, figuratively speaking, because she likes things that smell and socks and everything nice. So does Dawn…but when you've seen your older sister take out 5 vamps at once, you tend to lose some of that innocence. And we all know that Masta's discovered the Pimp Dynasty at her school so… enough said.
Juju is Anya because she is the most blunt and has the foulest mouth out of all of us. (That's meant with nothing but fondness, Ju.)
Jill is the Buffy Bot because she is the second majorest Spike fan/Buffy fan before we all became hooked and we know that she wants some Spike action too, so she needs to look like Buffy.
Cait is Trust, a specially created character just for her. Trust is Faith's 4-year-old little sister. She's actually a pretty cute kid. Trust, I mean. Not Cait. Not that Cait's not cute, but… OK. I'm just gonna stop here. Moving on… her hair and eye color are the same and they both have that 'make-believe' thing going on.
And I, Ali am Faith because she happens to be one of my favorite characters. I look a lot like her, and I have her bad attitude/major-problem-with-authority thing down pat. Plus, I really wanted this part, and even though Ju could probably have pulled it off, I was just easier to write it for.
ANYWAY. So here's the story. Hope you guys laugh and have fun and everything.
Read on if you dare.
***
The setting of the story is pre-show. They're doing a taping of Buffy and the girls have won a contest to do their own mini-show spoof (make fun of the real thing) with the real actors looking on. Right now, they were in hair and makeup and all really psyched because… well, they wanted to see James Marsters more than anything in the world.
***
Rachael tugged at her hair and groaned. "Ok. My hair had never been curly before—why does it have to be now?"
"Because you're Buffy!" A group of six other girls chorused.
The blonde held up her hand. "Ok, ok. But let me just tell you that having curlers and curling irons in your hair all the time to curl NATURALLY STRAIGHT HAIR is kind of painful."
The makeup and costuming people had done and amazing job transforming the girls into their characters.
Alison walked over, dressed as Faith in a tank top, black leather pants and—while unusual for Faith, but necessary for her—a zippered green sweatshirt because she felt the tank top was too revealing for the time while they were waiting to tape. Her makeup was a little more toned down than usual, less of a raccoon eyed look, but that was ok.
"Do you think he'll show?" She asked Rae.
She smiled with a dreamy look on her face that was totally un-Buffy. "We can only hope."
And on that note, the taping began.
***
Buffy Summers considered herself to be a reasonable person. She considered herself to be fair, and trustworthy, once you got past the set of tests. One thing she realized though was that she tended to hold a grudge against really mean people. Her ex-supervisor, Scot, was a jerk and half. While she was working for him, there was nothing she could do. But now, since she had died and come back…
Well, let's just say things had the ability to get interesting.
She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where she saw Willow looking over a few magic books. "Hey."
Willow, dressed in a blue sweater and jeans, turned around with a bar of mint-chocolate fudge in her mouth and a glass of milk in her hand. "Hey Buffy."
"Um, Will—do you know what you're eating there?" She asked, taking a krispy kreme donut out of the box on the kitchen table.
She smiled. "Uh huh—oh yeah—chocolate is good for you."
Buffy reached into the cabinet above Willow's head and pulled out a box of blink-182 Charms cereal. The milk carton was sitting next to Willow, so she took a swig, shoved some cereal in her mouth and chewed carefully, before swallowing.
Willow watched her with an opened mouth before shaking her head and returning back to her books. "Aha!" Suddenly, she chanted softly and her hair turned blue, with bright silver streaks in the front. "Cool! I didn't know I could do that!"
"Do what?" Dawn asked, stumbling in and blindly reaching for a donut and milk. Buffy obligingly handed her the desired objects and watched with amusement while Dawn tried to serve herself.
"Willow just turned her hair blue. Nothing major. So, you managed to get yourself looking presentable but when it comes to breakfast, you're still fast asleep. Why is that?" Buffy asked her younger sister.
Dawn blinked a few times before answering. "Whoa. That's better." Then she looked back up at Buffy who was still patiently waiting for an answer. "Oh you know—I have all that good smelling face washes and stuff. Who wouldn't wake up just for that? And then you go in and put on smelly lotion and body splash…maybe some perfume, and—"
"—I get it, Dawnie. You like smelly stuff. And socks. Speaking of which, there is a pair of your cherry red monkey socks of yours sitting on my bed. I borrowed them last week to wear with my white Sketchers." She replied to Dawn's unspoken question.
"Oh."
They all munched their food in silence some more, when the Buffy Bot wandered in. "Hello everyone. What is the Spike forecast for this morning? Brief, with a chance of kisses?"
Buffy froze. It would take more than a little while to get used to the old programming that Willow couldn't completely wipe out. "I thought that was gone." She growled at Willow, who was checking out the coolness of her hair.
Willow looked up from her reflection at to Buffy. "Oh it will be once I figure it out."
The back door slammed and no one even bothered to look up, because only one person made that type of entrance.
"Hey Anya." Dawn said, chewing the rest of her donut.
Anya mumbled hello back and started ranting to the group gathered in front of her. "I am not cute. I am not cute. I. AM. NOT. CUTE. WHY did he call me cute?!!!"
"Because you're cute?" Someone called from behind her.
Anya whirled around to see just who had followed her and was ready to take her down but then she saw who it was. "Oh. Hello Faith."
Faith smiled wickedly. "I take it you're not too pleased to see me then?" She shifted something that was on her shoulder and the thing giggled.
Buffy walked calmly around Faith to see what she had slugged over her shoulder. There was a little girl hanging upside down that looked exactly like Faith. Minus the makeup and attitude, of course.
"She yours?"
"God, no." Faith cringed. "She's my little sister." She shifted her shoulders and bent down to let her sister reach the floor.
"Hello." The little girl said.
"Awww. She's so cute. What's her name?" Dawn asked.
Faith leaned over to Buffy. "Try living with her for a week and then tell me how cute she is." Facing the group, "Her name is Trust. She's my 4-year-old little sister and she thinks she's a faerie."
Buffy dusted her hands free of any remaining crumbs and purposefully strode out the room, calling over her shoulder. "Ok. Well, I'm going out to torture my old supervisor—anybody want to come?"
"I'm in." Faith said, like Buffy knew she would.
Anya walked over to them and put on her coat. "Yeah. I'll go too. I need someone to take out my frustrations on."
The trio walked to the front door, and Faith—grudgingly—bent down to give Trust a hug and kiss on the top of her forehead. "Stay out of trouble, ok?"
"I'll try." She said, an almost perfect imitation of her older sister.
Dawn picked her up and shifted her on her hip. She nearly tripped over a pair of Buffy's shoes, but righted herself while Trust clung to her neck tightly. Everyone behind her breathed a sigh of relief and left Willow to watch them.
***
"So what's this supervisor guy like?" Faith asked.
Buffy made a back and forth gesture with her hand. "You know; the usual I-am-god-everybody-obey-my-every-rule-because-I-have-a-huge-ego-and-I'd-like-nothing-more-than-for-you-pathectic-people-to-die."
Anya blinked. "Well. He sounds like he needs some good torturing."
Buffy nodded. "He does."
They stopped to look back at Faith who had broken off from them a few feet back.
"Faith?"
She got a funny look on her face. "I have a feeling about this one. Slayer instincts kicking in, maybe. What did you say his name was again?"
"Scot."
Her facial expression didn't change but her eyes widened ever so slightly. Then she collected herself and walked over to meet them. "Ok. Let's go."
They walked for another 20 minutes when Buffy pointed to a billboard. "That's where he works. It's called Grep-osity. Supposedly, it works to brainwash lovers of the Sailormoon anime. God, those characters are so fake! Like, who really comes back from death 3 times??"
Anya and Faith stared at her until she shrugged and broke off, walking again. "I think we can go through the back door—"
She was cut off by the sound of smashing glass and turned just in time to see Faith, grinning, while setting her foot back on the ground.
Faith pointed up to the window she had just broken. "Yeah. But where's the fun in that?"
***
"I want cupcakes!" Trust wailed from her spot on the counter. Dawn was about to duck out of the room, but Willow dragged her back.
"Oh no you don't. You're helping me with her."
"But Willow…" Dawn whined.
The redhead fixed her with a glare. "No. Now find me a spell for cupcakes and I'll try and find one for a toy that will keep little miss-I'm-a-faerie busy for awhile."
They both searched for a little bit until Dawn looked up, triumphant. "I got one!"
Willow read the incantation and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, a HUGE cupcake—taking up nearly the entire island in the kitchen—appeared. Trust squealed with delight and all plans about a new toy were forgotten as she jumped into the treat, feet first.
Dawn looked towards Willow, who was on the other side of the island counter since the cupcake had taken up most of the room.
"I didn't mean to super-size it."
Willow fought to get things under control. "Ok... it's ok Dawn. Forget super-sizing. Right now, we need to find a clean-up spell."
***
The three girls were now inside the building and walking around the various areas.
"Hey look." Anya pointed. "There's the staff room. Do you think he'll be in there?"
"Nahh. He'll be in one of the back storage rooms getting' it on with Jen, his mistress."
"How do you know, Faith?" Buffy asked.
She sighed and tapped a finger to her forehead. "Slayer instincts, remember?"
Buffy gave her a 'surrrrrre' look but let the younger slayer lead the way to the storage rooms.
They finally made it to a big set of mahogany double doors with a sign that said, "Back Storage Room".
"Back storage room my ass," Faith muttered.
Anya held back while the slayers advanced to the doors. "Ladies. Would you like to do the honors?"
No sooner were the words out of her mouth then had Buffy and Faith lifted their legs and kicked the doors off of its hinges.
***
"Ohhhh man. Buffy's going to kill us." Willow moaned, gripping her head in pain while looking at the kitchen.
Trust had made her way out of the cupcake and was currently sacked out on a cleared area of the counter. She was balancing precariously over the edge, and every time she breathed in, her body shifted more and more over the edge.
Dawn made her way over to the little girl and carefully picked her up, brushing as much cupcake as she could off of her and the girl while not waking her up. "You're right. Buffy is going to kill us. I say we run before she gets back from torturing Scot."
"May-maybe she'll be in a really good mood when she comes back and won't even care that much."
Dawn looked at Willow. "You're thinking of Anya, Will, not Buffy." She glanced around the kitchen again. "The only thing that would distract her from something like this would be if Spike showed up or something. Other than that, my advice to you is to start writing out your will."
Willow was distractedly looking through her spell books. "How can there not be any mass-clean up spells in here? What does the book want me to do, say 'clean-up spell, I don't care if you come out,' and then have it—oh." She said, looking at a piece of paper that had appeared in her free hand. "I guess reverse psychology works on magic books too, Dawnie."
She looked up into the empty kitchen. "Dawn?" She looked down at the spell in her hands and shrugged. "Well, no time like the present, right?"
By the time Dawn walked back in the doorway—Trust-free—Willow had finished the spell. "I just wanted to put her down on the couch so that she could sleep—WHOA! What happened in here?"
The kitchen, if possible, was worse.
"I guess the books got mad at me. Reverse psychology doesn't work on them. They don't miss a trick."
***
"Oh MAN!" Faith yelled, shielding her eyes. "That is just SO WRONG!"
Buffy and Anya had shielded their eyes, too, and backed up against the wall.
"Ladies?" A smooth voice from in front of them inquired. "Can I help you?"
Slowly, as if it pained them, all three girls turned around to see Scot, Buffy's old supervisor and Jen, his mistress, gettin' it on.
Buffy snuck a glare at Faith. "You just had to be right about this one, didn't you?"
Before Faith could answer, Buffy stalked over to the man and woman in bed and ripped the woman out and threw her across the room; where she slumped against the wall like a rag doll.
"First of all, there are children out there, so let's keep it PG, all right Mr. Horny-pants?"
"Or No-Pants," Anya helpfully supplied from behind her.
Faith strode over. "Yeah. And second of all," she lifted Scot by his scrawny black hair, grossed out to the extreme when she discovered it was a toupee, "Never." Punch from Buffy.
"Mess." Another punch from Buffy.
"With." Buffy said. *punch*
"A." Ooh, this time a punch from Faith.
"Slayer." Double punches from both of them.
Anya came up behind them and kicked him in the spot. "Yeah. And don't call me cute."
"But I didn't…" He moaned pitifully, stopping at the sight of another person in the doorway. "Never mind."
"Hey guys! Can I get in on this one, too?" Buffy Bot asked, walking over to their group.
Buffy shrugged and looked at Faith. "Sure."
Faith lifted him by his neck and threw him across the other side of the room. "Hey Scot?"
Scot lifted his head wearily and tried to focus on the dark slayer in front of him. Not realizing what he was saying, he asked them, "how is it that you girls are so strong?"
"Well you see," Buffy said, lifting him up against the wall so that Faith could get to his solar plexus. "There's this funny thing with us."
"And it's called slayer strength." Faith said, while she delivered a roundhouse kick to his stomach. "And we use it to fight bad guys."
Anya was busy pummeling the mistress off in the corner and they cast a glance at her while Scot attempted to gain his footing.
"I." *Punch* "Am." *Punch* "Not." *Punch* "Cute." *Punch* "WHY DID HE CALL ME CUTE? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY THE @&#%, WHY?" *Punch* *Punch* *Punch* *Punch* *Punch*
"Hey Buffy Bot." Faith called, motioning her over. "Come on over and show this pathetic freak what pain's all about."
The bot made her way over and Scot squinted at her through his one un-blackened eye. "Are you going to kill me?"
"No." The bot said, matter-of-fact-ly. "We're just going to make you wish that we did."
***
20 minutes later, four victorious girls were seen walking out of Grep-osity.
"Well that was invigorating." Buffy remarked, brushing off some of Scot's hair.
"Yeah," Faith said, unable to keep the smirk off her face. "It'll take him days to figure out how to get out of that rope."
"If he ever wakes up from the concussion to see it, you mean." Anya corrected.
"Yeah." The slayers chimed.
"Something like that." Buffy Bot said, in a very Buffy-way.
They started walking home while the real Buffy turned to the fake one. "Just why did you follow us there, anyway?"
The robot shrugged. "I wanted to be part of the fun."
They seemed to accept that and walked the rest of the way home in silence.
***
Willow heard the footsteps first. "Oh no-no, no, NO! Buffy's back and this place looks like a bomb hit it! What are we going to do??" She grabbed Dawn and shook her by the shoulders. "What are we going to—"
"—Willow? Dawn? Anybody home?" Buffy called from the front door. She barely had enough time to prepare herself before Trust came barreling into her legs.
"Willow and Dawn made me a BIG cupcake! And then they made a BIG mess! And now they're afraid that they're going to get in BIG trouble!" Her chocolate brown eyes pleaded with Buffy. "Be nice to them, please. They were only helping me."
Buffy shook her head. "I—I'll try and remember that, Trust. Thanks." She lifted her up and handed her over to Faith.
Anya was the last one in the door and closed it gently. "It smells like sugar in here. Little kids eat sugar and get really hyper. One time, Xander and I—"
Everyone looked at her and Faith opened her mouth to remind her of Trust's presence in the room, but before she could say anything, Anya broke out in tears.
"It's all my fault! Xander's gonna hate me and it's all my fault!"
Willow slid out of the kitchen and slipped an arm around Anya. "It's ok, Anya. We all have fights. Why don't you go to the apartment and talk to him. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding."
Buffy put an arm around her other side. "It'll be ok. Like Will said—it's probably just a misunderstanding. You should go find him and tell him how you feel."
Anya sniffled pitifully. "Ok."
"Alright then."
Faith joined in. "Yeah. And if you don't feel up to seeing him just yet, you can hang around and have whatever's left of Trust's cupcake. She's usually pretty neat."
Buffy looked at Faith. "What do you mean, Trust's cupcake? I thought she was just making that up."
The brunette grimaced. "Then you haven't seen your kitchen yet, have you?"
Without a word, Buffy moved Dawn aside gently and walked the few steps to the kitchen.
"WILLOW!!!" She yelled. "You are SO DEAD!"
She chased Willow around the kitchen table about five times before Willow ran out the door.
"Where's all that understanding you showed Anya, huh?" Willow called over her shoulder. "Just remember that I've been your friend even longer than she has!"
"I don't CARE! ANYA DESERVED IT! YOU DON'T! YOU TRASHED MY KITCHEN!!!"
With a sigh and a groan, Faith and Trust—who was clinging to her—walked outside the open door, followed by Anya, Dawn and the Bot.
This was going to be the best catfight they'd seen in a long time.
***
He was nearly knocked over when 'Red' ran screaming down the street, far out of reach from where Buffy could ever find her.
"Whoa ladies, where's the fire?"
Buffy whirled around to see James Marsters in full Spike attire.
"Hey Buffy, you know that all the red you're wearing reminds me of blood? Do you think I could bite your neck, just this once?"
*thunk*
Buffy slumped to the ground.
*thunk*
*thunk*
*thunk*
And was followed by Dawn, Anya, and Faith.
Spike didn't think it was even possible, but the Bot went down too, and all he could do was watch, amazed.
*thunk*
Trust looked at the fallen girls and at the vampire standing in front of her. "I'm a faerie!" she said, jumping on his back. "Let's play!"
"Bloody hell."
***
The end.
***
Hey! What did you guys think???
I AM SO GOOD! I was cracking myself up when I read this.
