Title: I Love You, Asuka (13)

Title: I Love You, Asuka (13)

Author: Yih

Written: March 2001

Edit Major: Worldmage

Dedication: To the following Reviewers- Epyon Zero, Emma, Anne O. Nimus, Ahriman, Lixia, Akiko Chan, Gray Milburn, Hot Shot, Skull_Leader, sky mage, catch22, OrgunZ, purplecow, Mutronborg, Rhine, Narck Death, Kyo Tetsuei, and TorakusuGohan.

Review if you want more.

Disclaimer: All rights are Gainax except ACC- Shinji's IV.

Side Note: (vs 2.1) This has been edited by Worldmage! Which makes it, somewhat better grammatically. ^_~

Part 13: Distressing Dreams

[He opened his weary eyes.

"Where am I?" he whispered hoarsely.

He tried to focus his bloodshot eyes on something. But all he saw was the surrounding darkness. It was several moments before he was finally able to make out the shadowy walls surrounding him. He knew he wasn't where he usually was.

Because for the first time he didn't hear Misato calling out for him.

Where is she? Where am I? What am I doing here? Where is "here"?

A dark shadow seemed to fall over the blackness of the room. The shadowy figure move toward him with almost a mechanical motion. He wanted to get away, but he couldn't. He didn't know why but he was stuck here. All he knew that the darker figure was getting closer to him.

He wanted to ask the figure a question: Who are you?

He felt a sting of pain as the darker figure came within arm length's reach of him. He felt his eyes closing with a sudden weariness. The darkness fell upon him.

There's something wrong here.

He tried to fight the inevitable.

It's all around me. I can't escape it…

Before he knew it, he was in a place of startling white, a sharp contrast to the darkened room he had previously occupied. His eyes tried to adjust itself from the dazzling light by squinting. It took a while, but he managed to make out a pale figure moving to him. He wondered for a brief second who it was, but then he knew instantly who it was: it was Asuka.

She is Asuka. But she isn't Asuka. Who is this Asuka?

The outside resemblance was there. She looked like Asuka, but she didn't radiate the energy of his Asuka. She seemed too weak, too pale, too breakable, too fragile to be his Asuka.

Who is she?

She moved closer toward him, her thin as rail arms reaching to him.

"Help me, Shinji…help me…" her voice was filled with acute sadness.

This isn't Asuka. Asuka would never request help from me. But her voice is so real. It sounds like Asuka, but then again--how do I know it's Asuka? I've never heard this side of her. Why am I caught in this place? Is this reality or is this just my fears?

I don't know… I don't know… I'm so confused…

"Help me… Shinji--please," she implored, looking at him so plaintively.

He felt a keen sense of indecision. How could he help her if he didn't know what was real?

Reality bites, doesn't it?

He had never heard his inner voice in his dreams, so did this mean this was reality? Was Asuka really sick and dying like this feeble version of her? Why didn't he know for sure?

In time, everything will be clarified. You just need to believe in yourself.

He felt an insane urge to laugh. He didn't believe in himself. He never knew what to do. And his inner voice certainly wasn't helping the situation. But it was mainly his fault, not the stupid voice in his head.

And didn't the last few days prove it? My total indecision nearly lost me Asuka. I'm a moron, a screw-up--

"Help me!" she screamed at him.

He refocused his gaze onto the sickened Asuka. He grabbed her by the shoulders and began to shake her violently. "Who are you? Why are you tormenting me in my dreams? What do you want with me? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. Then she looked down to the ground without saying anything. He actually saw what was left of her energy seeping out of her, creating a grey hole beneath her. Then she started to fade into a greyish gloom. She knew she had no right to ask this of him yet. It wasn't the right time. He needed more time to adjust to the changes in his life.

"No! You are not disappearing again! You vanished last time into that stinking green light! You are not going again! I want answers. I WANT ANSWERS! Do you hear me? You came here wanting help, and I will help you, but I want ANSWERS! Why are you here? Why must you haunt me in my dreams? Do you not want me? Was everything the past 3 days just some kind of joke?

"Did I dream all this up? I remember what the last Asuka said… she was nothing like you, but you must be the same person. Because you both are Asuka! Are you like my inner voices trying to communicate with Asuka but she won't let you? You're trying to tell her to deny me, but she won't so you've found a way to make me suffer with her--is that your ingenuous plan? Tell me, tell me, damn you!"

Asuka was nearly invisible by this time. The only clearly visible part of her was her eyes, which were filled with an obvious regret. There was no time for going back anymore.

Tears filled Shinji's eyes as he whispered fiercley, "do you remember what you said to me? Do you remember? You said, 'you are so stupid, my baka Shinji! You are so stupid! All those happy times the last few days? The kisses, the words of love? The moments, the dinner? You are so fucking stupid, baka! They were all in your imagination!'

"Answer me, were they? Was it just my imagination?!"

She seemed to gain visibilty as she pressed her hand into his face, trying to comfort him. Then she murmured, "no, no, that's not true. You aren't--you aren't a baka, Shinji. You aren't a baka."

He wanted to ask her more, but she faded into the hole of greyness.

He was again surrounded by the darkness as the gleaming light was sucked into the grey hole.

He closed his tired eyes; Asuka had left him again.]

Shinji woke up with Asuka stirring in his arms. He held her tightly to him, brushing a sweet kiss on her nose. Despite the terrible feeling he had about the dream, he felt more peaceful than fearful. He was even able to smile at Asuka when she opened her eyes. He pushed aside her silky hair to get a better glimpse of her face and to erase the image of the sicken Asuka from his mind.

"Good morning," murmured Asuka after she yawned.

"Good morning, Asuka."

She studied him briefly. "You look much better than you have in a week. No more nightmares?"

Shinji smiled brightly and shook his head.

"That's good," she replied for the lack of anything better to say.

Shinji was about to say something when Misato stumbled into the room, looking extremely weary from last night's activities. "Harmonics tests in an hour! Why can't they give us a schedule for these impromptus?"

Misato grumbled as she made her way out of the room. Both of them heard Misato say in a loud voice across the hall, "Asuka, get up! Harmonics tests in an hour!"

Both of them sweatdropped. Misato was really out of it this morning.

"Care to guess at how many beers she had last night?" Asuka queried lightheartedly as she rested her head back against his pillow.

Shinji shook his head. He really didn't want to know the amount of alcohol that Misato might have consumed.

Pen-pen poked his head into Shinji's room and moved aside to show that he was dragging a tray of scrumptious looking waffles. He shook his head sadly after he saw Misato had started drooling on the table. "Wuaghh… wuargh! Wuaagh. WUAG?" [translation: Misato… you need to start taking it easy! I'll make a guess. Maybe 20?]

Asuka and Shinji exchanged a perplexed look at the noise coming from Pen-pen before Asuka finally said, "I guess it's too much to hope that everything would be perfectly normal now that you're not having those awful dreams anymore."

Pen-pen rolled his eyes as he waddled out of the door. Doesn't she know that nothing's ever normal around here? We're talking major events always happenin'! Anyway, I'm glad those two are finally cozying up to each other, it's about time!

Shinji had a strange expression on his face as his inner voice chuckled. I can just imagine what the pen-guiny dude was thinking… it just kills!

"Shinji?"

He turned to look at Asuka.

"I'm not hungry, but--I'm bored. Want to kiss?"

A grin cracked Shinji's peculiar expression.

Nothing would make him happier.

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