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1 + 1 + 1 = 2 Right? - The Point Of Love

"I really am sorry Tai," Sora offered.

He forced a tiny smile onto his face, hoping it would make her feel better, but it didn't work. She could read his eyes; she could see the pain reflecting through them.

"You don't have to keep apologizing Sora," Tai told her. "Its not your fault and its not Matt's. Stuff like this happens."

"But it is my fault," she whispered meekly.

Tai shook his head. "It isn't. I don't hate you for this, I could never hate you," he told her. "All I hope is that he appreciates you and doesn't take you for granted. That he doesn't let love slip through his fingers like I did. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me. Sometimes I can hardly believe that its true that I could have someone like you in my life, and I would like it so much if we could stay friends."

He stood up from his chair and prepared to leave.

"Wait Tai," she said.

He looked at her and nodded urging her to go on.

"Friends can eat dinner together, right?" she asked.

He smiled slightly and nodded. "Friends can have dinner together."

They sat down to their meal.

1 Journal Dec 24

I use to think that my worse date was my first one. I was so nervous that I fainted on the Ferris wheel. Well now it has moved to a distant second, because that title has found a new, more deserving candidate.

Tonight's date is the obvious winner. I had planned to tell Sora that I love her tonight. Thankfully she told me her decision before I got a word in or I would have felt like such a fool. I can just imagine what it would have been like.

'Sora I love you.'

'I love you too, Tai. And I love Matt. I love him more than I could ever love you'

Then I would have smiled as best I could and congratulated her.

I don't think anyone else could know what this is like. I finally have enough courage to tell her how I feel, and she's made her decision.

I think the worst part is that I'm happy for her. I don't hate her and I don't blame Matt. I truly am happy for her, and that's the worst part, not hating her. No matter what I do, I still love her; I may even be more in love with her than before.

They say that when you're really in love with someone all that matters is their happiness. Mine just went out the window, but that doesn't seem to matter that much, because she's happy and I know that Matt will make her happy. Happier than I could have ever made her, and that's what hurts me so badly. That Matt can make her so happy, and I can't.

At times I wish I had never met Sora. At least that way I wouldn't feel so terrible right now. I wouldn't have fallen so deep in love only to find that she didn't love me, or at least not as much as she loves Matt. But then, how would my life be without her? Pointless, lonely, insignificant, that's what it feels like now.

Is this the point of love? Giving away your heart only to have it ripped to shreds by the one you love, the one you live for. And if it is, I don't want any part in it anymore. I give up on love. All it brings is pain and it just isn't worth it. All the times we had aren't worth the pain that I'm feeling right now. The pity I saw in her eyes, the fear. Will she ever look at me the same? The way she use to, like I was all she could see because she'll always be all I see.

There's no point wishing for a Merry Christmas and even less for a Happy New Year. That went out the window with my hopes for a true and pure love, for her to return my love for her.

I use to wish on stars when I was little. I use to think that whatever I wished would come true if I wished on the right star. Did I wish for Sora? Probably, I guess I got the wrong star, because my happy ending never came. I'm never making a wish again; nothing is worth this pain. Not even Sora.

So here's to everyone who will be celebrating a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Nothing is what it seems and nothing is worth this much pain, especially not love.

Tai turned to his dresser where he kept a photo of Sora and himself, arms wrapped around each other smiling.

"Definitely not love," he said as he pushed the photo into the bin.

---------- to be continued ----------

Oh my gosh, I feel so sorry for Tai now and I kind of regret making her choose Matt. Tai's a nice guy; he doesn't deserve this. Damn you Sora. Well I hope you liked it, please review.