One In Fifty Million


by Lady of the Wolves

Dedicated to Heckle, Jeckle, and Alphie



Chapter One: GIR Makes A Purchase



Zim opened the door to his house and entered, glad that Skool was over for the week. After yet another boring day of Miss Bitters foretelling everyone's doom, he couldn't wait to relax and spend a peaceful weekend in his lab, perhaps even gathering more information for his Tallest.

GIR sat on the couch in front of the television, oblivious to Zim's entrance. He slurped noisily away on a chocolate bubblegum brainfreezy. Zim sighed and removed his disguise.

"GIR!" Zim shouted, summoning his robot-slave.

"Yes, my master?" answered GIR, running over to Zim and saluting.

"GIR, I'm going down to the lab. Notify me if anyone calls or attempts to enter!"

"Yes, my master!" said GIR, who then ran back to the couch and turned on the TV. "Ooh, look, my favorite show!" he cried happily as the Scary Monkey Show appeared on the screen. Zim shook his head and entered his lab through his secret toilet entrance.

* * * * *

GIR sat on the couch and stared at the television screen blankly. "Leprechauns!" he said when his favorite program ended. Then a commercial came on.

"Come on, guys and gals, don't forget to stock up on all of your food supplies!" a man in a checkered suit on TV said cheerfully. "Luckily, at Bob's Food-Mart, we're open till 12:00, so you can shop whenever it's convenient for YOU!"

GIR thought about this. "Shop for food supplies? Gee, maybe I should do that to surprise Master sometime. Oh well!" Getting up, he reached for his brainfreezy and discovered it was empty. He immediately went into emergency mode.

Zim was interrupted from his peaceful sleep by GIR, who crashed down the toilet entrance into Zim's private lab. "WHAT IS IT, GIR?!?!" he yelled, furious at being disturbed.

"Master! Master! It's an emergency!" cried GIR, eyes glowing red.

Zim gasped in fear. Had they been discovered? Was Dib, his nemesis, outside, leading a band of humans?

"HAS OUR HIDEOUT BEEN DISCOVERED? ARE WE BEING STALKED AT THIS VERY MOMENT? TELL ME, GIR!!!" Zim roared, shaking the robot.

"NO, NO!! IT'S MUCH WORSE THAN THAT!" cried GIR.

"WELL, WHAT IS IT?!?!" Zim roared.

GIR sniffed. "I'm out of chocolate bubblegum," he said miserably.

It was all Zim could do to keep from ripping GIR apart right then and there.

"GIR, DO NOT DISTURB ME FOR YOUR PITIFUL AND INSIGNIFICANT REASONS!!! I HAD REASON TO BELIEVE WE WERE UNDER ATTACK!!!!" Zim screamed.

"But my bub-"

"IF YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR BUBBLY-THING THEN GO AND PURCHASE ANOTHER ONE!!!" Zim roared, pointing at the exit of his lab.

"Gee, Master really ought to get out more," GIR commented as he left, humming happily. Zim sighed and began to beat his head against the wall.

* * * * *

GIR, adorned in his puppy costume, wandered around Bob's Food Mart, slurping on his brand-new chocolate bubblegum brainfreezy. He stopped in front of a large machine. The words YOU CAN BE A WINNER!! and BUY YOUR TICKET TODAY FOR A CHANCE TO WIN FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS!! jumped out at him.

"Well, son, come to buy a lottery ticket, have we?" the same man in the checkered suit GIR had seen on the TV asked cheerfully, coming up behind him.

GIR turned around. "Meow," he said, trying to look average.

The man laughed. "Great! It will only cost five dollars for one ticket! Okay?"

"Meow," said GIR.

"Great!" said the man. He extended his hand to give GIR the ticket, but stopped suddenly. "You ARE eighteen, right?" he asked suspiciously.

GIR said nothing.

"Great!" the man said, handing over the ticket.

GIR left the store ten minutes later with his chocolate bubblegum brainfreezy and his lottery ticket.