Just so you know this entry was written before Sora's, it's just what she had to say needed to come first because this one gives everything away

Disclaimer – I don't own it.

1 + 1 + 1 = 2 Right?The Power of a Smile

Journal Dec 30

It has been just under a week since the last time I wrote.  Over the past week I have been sporting an attractive set of fake smiles to keep my family happy.  It basically worked, apart from Kari.

She has the same ability as Sora to read peoples eyes.  It makes her a brilliant judge of character, but it also means that unless you're a fabulous actor that can force a smile into your eyes you are left with an undesired result.  She won't give up until she finds out the reason why you're upset.  When I was younger her doing so was always able to force a smile onto my face, a proper smile.  When I was younger my problems were so much easier to disregard.  My problems were nothing compared to this.

Even my inquisitive little sister couldn't help, no matter what she did.  So I was forced to tell her what was wrong.  She understood that I wanted to be alone and didn't bother hassling me for more details.  Sometimes little sisters aren't quite as bad as they seem, especially not mine.

I think the main thing that happened was that Matt rang.  He probably had just received the news from Sora, so I guess he was feeling kind of guilty.

I came into the kitchen to get a drink to find Kari on the phone.  It was obviously TK.  I swear she spends more time talking on the phone to him than she does talking to him in person.  She had just changed lines when I came in.

"Hello Kari speaking," she said.  She said nothing for a second then told the person on the other line that she would just say bye to TK.

"Am I psychic or what?" I muttered.

Kari just scowled at me and resumed to telling TK that she had to go.

"So who's the phone for?" I asked.

"You," she replied handing me the phone.

I was pretty confused by now.  I figured whoever was on the phone must have been really important, especially if she stopped talking to TK for them.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Tai," Matt offered.  "Can we meet somewhere?  I need to talk to you about something really important, too important to talk about over the phone."

I didn't reply at first, I was just too shocked.  I couldn't speak.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to speak to right now, but this needs to be said," Matt told me.

"How about next year?" I said monotonously.  I don't hate Matt or anything; I don't even blame him.  Now that I think about it, I blame myself for this, for some strange reason this all boils down to me somewhere along the way.  I think the problem was that I couldn't really bear to look at him knowing that he was the one she choose.

"But who am I going to spend New Years Eve with?" Matt asked.  "Joe and Izzy are a couple of stiffs.  TK is still too young to drink, and you know what girls are like."

"Yeah," I said chuckling slightly.  Kari popped her head in making sure she wasn't imagining what she'd just heard.  I motioned for her to go away and she did so.

"I understand that you probably don't want to see me Tai," Matt said returning to a serious tone.  "In all seriousness, if it was the other way round I wouldn't be as alright with it as you are.  It's just I don't want to go into a New Year us not being best friends anymore.  I don't want five or so years of friendship screwed up because of a girl."

I sighed.  "How about the 30th?"

"Why don't you meet me before my concert then around four?" he said happily.  "I promise, no monsters this time."

"No monsters," I said.  Then we said good bye and that was that. 

The first time Sora choose Matt over me was before one of Matt's concerts.  The concert he had last year with all the monsters.  I can remember it so clearly, it's like it was sent to torment me till I can't stand it and just give up.  Someone up there has some kind of sick, twisted sense of humor.  I'll have them know that I for one don't find any of this crap the slightest bit funny.

Not all of it haunts me though.  Some of it actually makes me laugh.  I wish Oagumon were here.  If it weren't for him I probably would have felt like this that time too.

"At least leave us the cookies," he had said.  It still brings a genuine smile to my face to this day.  Since Christmas Eve it has taken a lot to bring even the smallest smile to my face, genuine or otherwise.  See why I miss Oagumon. 

Maybe I'll visit him tomorrow.  That should cheer me up, somehow he has that ability when everyone else can't.

Oh well its almost ten to four so I better go to meet Matt soon.  Wish me good luck, at least one of us are going to need it.

Time to reinstate the fake smile that's been plaguing my face for the past week.  It's amazing the power a smile has over people.  It can brighten someone's day.   Dampen someone's hopes.  Shatter someone's dreams.  Cease people's worries.  Arise someone's jealousy.  Give away your thoughts.  Even answer someone's prayers.  It's amazing how something so small and requiring so little can do all this and more.  A simple smile could make my whole world disappear in a matter of seconds, but it never mattered as long as she didn't disappear along with it.

Somehow, smiling just got less appealing.

"Hey Tai," Matt said as Tai entered the theatre.

"Hey," Tai replied.  "Am I imagining things or did this place just get a lot bigger than last time?"

"It did.  This place can now hold half a million people," Matt replied.

Tai nodded.  "So what did you want to talk about?" he asked.

"Just a sec," Matt said.  "Hey Mac, can you make sure no one disturbs me?"

The security guard just nodded.

"It's about Sora," Matt said as they reached the dressing room.

"I figured," Tai replied.

"I don't want a girl to come between us," Matt said.  'I've been thinking a lot lately and I've decided to breakup with Sora."

"Why?" Tai asked.

"Because I don't deserve her as much as you do," Matt replied.  "She was so much more to you than a girlfriend and I can't compare to that.  You don't just love her Tai you need her.  She's like the air you breathe, she's your reason for every breath, and without her you'd be nothing.  She's your whole world, your entire universe.  Your everything.  She means more to you than anything else in your life.  She's more precious to you than life itself.  You would walk through fire just to be with her, forever.  You would cross an ocean just to hold her.  You would give up all you had in a second just to see her smile.  You would walk through hell and not think twice for her.  Words can hardly describe how much you love her."

"You can't do that," Tai said.  "Sora choose you.  She loves you.  You can't hurt her like that."

"I've done a lot of thinking over the past week and I made my decision," Matt said.  "Yes she choose me, but she doesn't love me the way she loves you, not even close.  She loves you as much as you love her."

"You know that's not true Matt," Tai said.  "You're just trying to justify breaking up with her, that's all.  I won't let you break her heart.  She loves you, why else would she have chosen you?"

"I'm the safe option," Matt replied simply.  "I'm the one who won't break her heart."

"What?" Tai exclaimed.  "She knows I would never hurt.  I could never live with myself if I was the reason she was crying."

"She knows you would never hurt intentionally," Matt said.  "But you could never know that this was hurting her. She's scared Tai.  She's afraid she loves you too much.  She's afraid of the pain she thinks she is destined to feel to be without knowing how much you have loved her for all these years.  She's afraid that her love won't be returned by the one that she loves the most.  She's afraid you could never love her the way she loves you."

"But I do love her," Tai said.  "I love her more than you could ever imagine."

"It's not me you should be telling this to," Matt said.  "I'm ending this after the show.  I'm going to tell her what I told you and end it."

"Thank-you Matt," Tai sighed,  "You're a real friend for doing this."

"Something's are just too important to leave to chance," Matt said as headed off.

'I guess love's worth a lot more than thought,' Tai thought.

And at that precise moment, smiling got a lot more appealing.

---------- to be continued ----------

Viola!  That's a really sad chapter.  I almost cried writing it, though I was pretty tired and I'm more susceptible to tears when I'm tired.  Oh well, I would like to thank O-town for their help on this chapter, if you didn't notice Matt's speech was based on the first verse of 'Baby I Would'.  Please review and thank you very much for all the reviews that I've received so far.