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1 + 1 + 1 = 2 Right? – Facing the Demons
Log 30/12
I'm definitely not what you would call a brave person. In fact I'm usually the one making the wise cracks about bravery and stupidity being the exact same thing. I usually end up with a bruise somewhere, but that's beside the point. I always thought bravery was only something you found in fairytales or watched at the movies.
But bravery isn't about fighting some giant or slaying a dragon, those are just metaphors for the things you're really fighting. Being truly brave is about meeting what you fear the most head on. It's about fighting something a lot scarier than some miniscule dragon. Bravery is about not giving up no matter how much fear tries to hold you back. Bravery is about accepting your fears and doing it anyway. It's about admitting that you are afraid.
In accordance with my old definition, this is the "bravest" thing I'm ever going to do in my life. I'm going to break up with Sora; told you it was "brave".
According to my new definition, no. This will be the most generous thing I'm ever going to do in my life. One day I'll look back on this moment and be proud of what I'm about to do. Definitely not tomorrow, and probably not anytime soon, but someday I will think of this as one of the best times in my life.
Right now, I'm just hoping that Sora can put her fears behind her and follow her heart. Any fool can see it will lead her to Tai, they just needed a little push from yours truly in the right direction to help them along.
I've been doing a lot more thinking since Christmas. Thinking about the future, the past and where my place is in all of this. I think the past was what helped me the most in making my decision, especially our times together in the digital world.
I thought about when Tai disappeared, how Sora was the one who went looking for him. How they were always right by each other's side no matter what. The secret smiles the two would share when they thought we weren't watching. Sometimes their eyes would meet and Tai would stop mid-sentence forgetting all he was about to say. The times we would all burst out laughing if one of them mumbled the others name in their sleep. The way they always seemed like they were on top of the world as long as they were together. And then at times it seemed like they didn't even realize we were there like they had a little world of their own.
That's when I realized it. She can't live with out him. She will always be happiest with Tai, because she will always be so in love with Tai that nothing else seems to matter the way it use to. I also realized that I have no right to say that I'm in love with her, compared to Tai I feel nothing for her. I can still breathe without her, and my life would not seem so insignificant without her in it.
So I'm now making up for recent violations of the friendship code by ending it with Sora. I like Sora a lot, but it's unfair on the two of them to keep something going that will probably end in a year anyway, when those to are more in love than anyone else I know. Apart from maybe Kari and TK, but that's equal.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Someone opened the door interrupting Matt's thoughts.
"Matt Sora's here to meet you," Mac said.
"Send her through I'll just be a sec," he replied turning back to his diary.
'I guess it's time to face my demons. Wish me good luck.' He wrote.
I'm glad you're hear," he said as he met Sora. "There's something really important I've been thinking about and we really need to talk about it."
"Sure," she replied nervously. "Just name the place and time."
"Here and now," he replied simply.
"Sounds good to me," she said quietly.
"Sora we have to break up," he told her.
Sora hadn't expected him to say it so simply, she was speechless.
"I do care for you, a lot, but there's no point carrying on a relationship if neither party has their heart in it," Matt said. "Your heart will always belong completely and utterly to Tai. I know you're afraid to love him Sora. I know that you're scared that he won't love you back, but you have no reason to be scared. You can see it in his eyes. He's more in love with you than you could ever imagine, and you choosing me rendered him dead on the inside. I know it's breaking your heart to see him like this, especially to know that you're the reason he's so unhappy, but you shouldn't let fear control you. You should follow your heart back to Tai."
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "How did you know?"
"I guessed," Matt said. "All I really knew was how in love you and Tai were and how much he loves you.'
"Thank you," she said.
"It's alright," Matt replied. "But Tai's waiting outside for me. Instead he's going to get you. It's time to face your demons Sora."
"I'd demons over this any day," she mumbled
"Too bad," Matt said. "He's waiting."
Sora stepped outside and Tai looked up expecting to see Matt.
"Hey Sora," Tai said.
"Hey," she replied quietly biting her lip and staring at the ground.
Tai stepped closer to her and bent down to look up at her face. Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes. She tried to force a smile onto her lips but it didn't quite fool him.
"Sora, I've known you for over five years, do you really think you can fool me with that?" he asked.
She smiled a more genuine smile at him. "I guess," she said. "We need to talk Tai."
"I know," he replied. "Do you want to go somewhere else? I mean the back entrance to the concert hall is great and all, but it doesn't seem the right place for private conversations."
"I agree," she said. "Why don't we just take a walk?"
"Sounds good to me," he said.
They walked in silence for awhile before Tai finally had the courage to speak. "Matt told me you were afraid,' Tai offered. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Tears began to well in her eyes. "Like he said Tai, I was too afraid,' she said trying to hold back her tears.
Tai wrapped an arm around her shoulder to comfort her. " Sora, I love you so much," he whispered. "And I don't want to be the reason that you cry. You never have to be afraid that I don't love you. The worst times in my life had to have been this past week; the thought that you might not love me hurt so bad Sora. I was so close to just letting go of everything and giving up, it was only you that stopped me. I can't live without you Sora, but I could never leave without saying goodbye."
Sora said the only thing that she knew would be true no matter what, "I love you Tai," she said.
"I love you too, Sora," he said.
They stopped and Tai pulled her closer to him. Their breath mingled as their face came closer. Tai put his hand under her chin lifting it towards him. "And I always will," he whispered just before their lips met in a sweet, meaningful kiss.
"Always and forever," she whispered as they broke apart.
---------- the *sob* end ----------
Don't worry it isn't actually the end. I'm planning on writing an epilogue; the only problem is that I don't have a clue what their last names are which makes it a lot harder to write.
