Lange and Imp were now in the third cellar, and searching desperately for the secret trapdoor into the torture chamber.
"We're frelled, we're frelled, we're frelled," Lange kept repeating as she hugged herself and rocked back and forth. "We'll never find it in time!"
"Hang on, hang on!" Imp snapped impatiently and she ran her hands over the floor. "It's here somewhere, I know it!"
"What'll he do to Singe?" Lange cried in panic. "Worse! what'll Christian do to the FE?"
"Lange! Think of more productive things," Imp ordered her. "Like, which plank the catch is on!"
Meanwhile, in the lair, Christian was snickering behind the spare bedroom door. "Oh...this will be fun!" he giggled.
The FE entered the lair again, and took off her black cape. "I'm losing my touch monkey," she wearily said to Singe. "Those intruders escaped.
"Christian!" she called out, "I'm back. If you leave the monkey alone, I'll give you some candy…" Christian didn't answer, but his incessant giggling was coming from the spare bedroom. "Christian?" the FE said, losing some of her patience. "Where are you?" She reached the door, and entered the bedroom. "I don't have time to play..."
Before Singe or the FE could react, Christian had jumped onto the FE and had ripped off the mask. "GOTCHA!" Christian triumphantly cried. "Your It…" He failed to finish the word as he gaped in dull horror at the visage before him.
Lange and Imp were still trying to figure out where the trapdoor catch was, when they sat up in bewilderment. "Say, Imp," Lange started. "Did you here that scream?"
Another scream drifted out to the third cellar. Imp groaned. "We're too late!"
One more scream drifted up. "Hey…he screams like a girl," Lange commented.
"What a bugger…" Imp said dejectedly as she sat on the trap door. "We didn't make it in time!"
"Yeah," Lange said, just as dejectedly as she to sat on the trap door. "Grrrh…it's not FAIR!" Lange shouted as she pounded her fist on the floor in anger—which popped open the trap door catch. The trap door fell open, and Lange and Imp fell through it without so much as a decent scream and landed in the torture chamber.
"FRELL!"
"DAMNIT!"
*THUD*
Imp looked around the dark Chamber, and realized that Erik had never gotten around to showing them who to open up the torture chamber from the inside. "Ok…" Imp slowly said. "Now we're frelled."
"Real smooth." Lange sneered. "Now we're gonna die!"
They moaned in pain as they tried to sit up in the dark chamber. They could now hear exactly what was going on in the Lair.
"EEEEEEEEEE EEE EE EEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They heard crashes, and the screaming of a distraught monkey.
The FE's voice rose above Singe's racket, the rage in her voice uncontrollable. "DAMN YOU!! CURSE YOU! YOU BASTARD! YOU PRYING PRICK!"
"Eww…" Christian said. "Don't touch me! You're so UGLY! It might be contagious!"
This time, it was Singe that started yelling fitting insults. "YOU BASTARD, YOU HEARTLESS DICK! WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOING TO DO!?!?! UGLY YOU TO DEATH!"
Oooooooooh boy," Lange muttered, shaking her head. "This is bad…"
"You... I... we..." The FE was trying to say something, but she instead broke down and sobbed inconsolably.
Lange and Imp couldn't see that Christian was ignoring the FE and was pointing at Singe in disbelief. "The monkey—he talked again!"
"It's... a... girl!" The FE choked through her thick tears.
Lange shifted uncomfortably. "Has she lost it...?"
At this point, even Christian was feeling a bit uncomfortable. "Er…listen ugly girl...I'm going to stand over...here," he slowly said, his eyes wide. He began to slowly back away and back towards the bedroom door.
Singe looked around the Lair is desperation, and was just about to start pulling her hair up of her body (which seemed like a good idea, considering the situation) when her eyes fell upon the two-way mirror of the torture chamber. "EPP!"
Singe crept over to the wall, peered inside. "Lange? Imp? Are you guys insane?!?"
"Singe!" Both Lange and Imp ran for the next mirror of the torture chamber and plastered their faces against the glass. "Let us out of here!!"
Lange was whimpering pathetically. "I wanna go hooooooooomme!!"
Singe saw the FE stir from her incessant weeping at the sound of Lange and Imp's voices. "Sh shhh shhhh!" she tried to silence them. But then, the torture chamber was triggered, and the lights suddenly flooded the room. Instantly, Lange started to bawl, and even Imp was sniffling. "I don't wanna DIE!" they screamed in despair. "WE are going to DIE!"
"Someone IS in there!" the FE yelled as she leapt to her feet. She walked to torture chamber, and a half crazed smile replaced her tear when she saw Lange and Imp. "I KNEW it! Lord, that was easy!" She whirled around, and looked at Christian evilly. "Now! You have to choose! Stay with me…or watch your friends die!" She began to laugh as only a true phantom can.
Both Lange and Imp stopped crying and gasped in outrage. "We are NOT his friends!!!!!!" They yelled, offended to the highest degree.
Lange started to beat on the Chamber mirrors. "I'LL KILL THE BLOODY BASTARD, JUST LET ME AT HIM!!"
"NO!" the FE cried. "Not my schnookums!"
Lange fell onto her face, and groaned in disbelief.
Just then, the spare bedroom door slammed shut, and the sound of a bolt locking was heard. "There!" Christian yelled from behind the door. "Now the scary lady can't get me!"
The FE looked so incredibly sad and erikish the moment those words were uttered that the Worthier Woman all grew teary eyed. "Christian..." the FE whispered.
Singe looked around uncomfortably. "Er…can I talk now?"
"How about if you figure out how to free us first?" Imp suggested helpfully.
Singe proceeded to search for the lever as the FE had her angst moment. "Oh! what's the point!" She started to cry again, only softer. "He'll never love me! I'm a monster! A monster!" She began to bawl again. "Monster face!!" she cried out in pain. "I have an icky monster face, and no one will ever love me!"
Imp, singe and Lange groaned. "Does anyone have a tissue to give that poor girl?" Singe asked.
"You know I always carry them around for Erik…just get us got first!" Imp replied. By now, they were starting to pant from the increasingly unbearable heat.
"I just wanted him to love me!" the FE moaned. "Is that so much to ask!"
"It is from a shallow, petty, pimply faced opera tenor," Lange helpfully commented from the torture chamber. "You didn't want him anyway, female Erik person!"
Imp looked sadly at Lange and she began to undo the top button of her shirt. "Ya know…she sound JUST like Erik..."
Singe abandoned her search for the lever to open the Torture Chamber and jumped on Erik girl, since an overwhelming need to confront the gloomy girl overcame her. "It's okay, Erik female! We'll help you!" Singe said as she hugged the FE.
The FE looked down at Singe in amazement. "Why…you are a talking monkey…and why do you call me 'Erik girl'? My name is Erika!"
Singe snorted as she looked up at Erika. "Oh real creative name there," she sneered.
It was at this exact moment, that Imp received a divine epiphany. Some say it was because the intense heat was frying the few brain cells she had. She claims to this day that it came from a short pig in pink pj's that went by the name of 'Shortfry'. Either way, she began to spaz out as a light bulb appeared over her head.
"OH MY GOD!!!!!"
This startled Lange greatly. Iimp…what is it?" A look of panic started to come over Lange. "Is it time for you tea???" Lange began to back away into a corner—if it was because Imp needed her tea, then Lange was in a VERY dangerous position, for Imp became a real homical manic when she didn't get her tea.
But Imp continued to spaz, and couldn't speak until Lange worked up the nerve to approach and slap her.
"IMP! Get a grip—only I'm supposed to spaz out like that!! Is it because you need tea?"
"No! No!" Imp reassured her, her eyes glowing with excitement. "She's JUST LIKE ERIK!!"
The other three all look at her dumbly.
"Er…point being?" Lange asked.
"She's just like Erik...she wants a little loving...he wants a little loving..." Imp motioned wildly, trying to help them catch her drift.
"And..." Singe prompted.
Lange thought as hard as her brain would let her. A little Christmas light bulb appeared over her head, but it soon fizzled and went out. "Still don't get it," Lange pouted.
Imp exhaled in disgust as she grabbed Erika by the wrist. "Come on! Back to the lair!"
"But we are in the Lair…" Erika said.
"Back to OUR lair!" Imp corrected Erika.
"Oh....OUR lair!!" Singe cried.
"To OUR Erik!!" Lange squealed.
"Who is this Erik?" Erika asked, too bewildered at this point to put up a fight. "And what about my Christian?"
"SCREW Christian!" Singe sneered.
"Not literally, though," Lange hurriedly corrected.
Yea, and NOT on a day bed, either!" Imp warned.
"I bet he's impotent anyway," Singe muttered.
So the three Worthier Women dragged the incoherent Erika back across the lake and up the stairs to the wormhole, never realizing just how much absolute CRAP they were just about to create. Oh well…will those silly girls ever learn NOT to meddle?
Nah…