Chapter 7
They took a different route home, away from the hotel. It lead them to a darker part of town. On the way they met some vampires.
"Hey sweet thing, what are you doing with him?"
"Leave the girl alone." Spike said dully. They vamped. "No. Don't do that."
"And here I thought it would be a dull evening." Buffy seethed as she began fighting. No matter how many there were, neither was certain, they cleaned them out quickly. Buffy speeded up her walk.
"Buffy."
"This isn't for me right? Why do it do it so well?" She dropped the stake down, disgusted, like it burned her fingers.
"Who's right for anything. We get along the best we can." Spike stopped. "Oh look!" He shouted like a young child.
"What?" Buffy turned around and saw his face pressed against a dark store front.
"A guitar. It's the one I want."
"Hello. You don't play."
"Actually I do."
"But I asked you the other night!"
"No. You asked what I would like to play. And I play what I like. You never actually asked if I play."
"Oh! You drive me crazy." Buffy smacked him. In reaction he smacked her back, only to find he could. "What the hell?" They said in unison.
Spike pounced on a woman passing by with a howl. He put his hand to his forehead then he looked at Buffy with alarm. "It's you. You're messed up."
"Nah uh." She said shakily.
"No wonder you didn't fit in back home." Spike shook his head in sympathy.
"I don't understand?" Buffy said backing up. Spike looked at her hungrily.
"We could dance Slayer. You and I." For a moment she trembled in fear. Then his face softened. "Buffy. You know I won't. I swear. And I can prove it to you now." He buried his face in her shirt, and she let him, in fear. He kissed her slowly moving up, till his mouth was over hers.
She pushed him away. "No. We can't. I can't let you do this to me."
"Giles is going back to England. For good."
"What?"
"He wanted to tell you. He was looking for the perfect time to do it. And now that you've run away again…"
"Oh God. No. This is a joke." She ran towards a pay phone, picked up the receiver and jammed her fingers into her pockets for change. Spike waited. She put the receiver back.
"I knew he would. It's probably better this way for both of us." She pursed her lips. "The last of my real family is gone."
"You have me."
"Is it enough?" Spike felt his heart wrench as she gazed up at him, wanting to believe, afraid to believe that he could be everything she needed. And try as he might to convince her he could never be all she needed. He could never live in daylight.
'God this is how Angel must have felt.' Spike shuddered at the thought and drew his coat a bit closer.
"We should go back to the motel. I'm sure Joe wants us there bright and early tomorrow. And I thought Giles was bad with the training sessions."
That was his Buffy. Covering it up with fake perkiness. They got back to the motel and Spike slid off his clothing while Buffy was in the bathroom. He jumped into bed wearing his new boxers. (He was very proud of them.) His jaw dropped when Buffy came out wearing only a camisole and underwear.
"Night." She smiled and slipped into her bed. Spike gripped the blankets over him, willing himself not to get up and ravage her. He wouldn't. He didn't have too. A couple minutes later, alarmingly quiet Buffy slipped inside his bed.
He always pictured her grabbing him and ramming him up against a wall, violently. That was the way they were. She was Destructo girl and he was, well he was, Love's Bitch. She huddled against him in the darkness, not really making any sound. He could feel every inch of her skin, as it touched his. Her cold fingers snaked around his head, like a child she ran her fingers through his hair, twirling it and messing it up. He didn't mind.
"Buffy. What are you doing?" spike finally asked, curious.
"I can go back to my bed if you want." she offered in a small voice.
"Now why would I want that?"
"I don't know." Her hand stopped and it slipped, coming to rest on his chest. Some part of him felt the need to breath, as if it would give her the semblance of something real there. Not just some dead vampire. She smiled and he smiled back, though she couldn't see it because her eyes were closed. She tucked her head under his chin and fell asleep.
He fell asleep too, but was woken later by her. Buffy was talking in her sleep, trembling like an earthquake. "There's not a lot of time. Listen. This is what I have to do. Tell the others I'm ok. I figured it out. You have to take care of them. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it."
Spike was horrified. Chilled to the bone. She was so sure. And they hadn't been. They had willed themselves to believe she went to hell just to have her back. And she was so sure. She had tied everything up in a neat little package and handed it to Dawn. And they had unpacked it, played with it. Broken it. And it would never be in mint condition again.
Spike pulled one of his hands out, one that was pinned under Buffy and stroked her hair. He never knew he could feel so much. Especially for one who caused him so much grief, whose life he held in his hands. He could snuff her life out at this very moment and she was helpless. Yet he was compelled to cradle her, to comfort her, like a babe. He wanted to give her a chance in a world he never had. He wanted to believe there was a good to work for.