Chapter 12
Buffy woke up grumbly. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before and now that she felt better she was starving. "Hurry up."
"Excuse me, but I'm not so keen on going out a pretty sunshiney day." Spike said bitterly.
"Sorry. I just need to get out."
"Aren't you even going to ask to see the song I wrote last night?"
"You wrote another?"
"You don't remember?"
"Remember what?"
"Never mind. I didn't write one." Spike shoved the paper into his coat pocket. Buffy grinned.
"Lemme see."
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"Hell No." He scowled. He had seem to close to touching her the night before. But now, in daylight, he could see it had just been shadows falling across their hearts. "Go. Get out. Go do what ever you want in the sunlight." Spike hissed, trying to keep himself together. How many nights had he stayed awake crying, Because of something she did? Because he was haunted by her death? How much did he want to go with her into the sunlight? The light that would solve all his problems. In a moment of sheer panic Spike raced past her to the door, flinging it open and charging out into the sunlight. He screamed in pain as he felt flames race up his exposed hand and touch the follicles of his hair.
He couldn't see anything in the dazzling sunlight. He could feel nothing but the inferno blazing around him. He could tell his skin was melting and he was disappearing but it didn't matter. Until she pulled him back inside.
"Oh God Spike." He could hear her, but he couldn't see her. His skin hurt. At least it was something other than the pain of heartache. "What did you do? Why?" Spike coughed, fearing briefly that he would explode and his ashes would scatter around her. And he feared more for her, what she would do if he was gone. "You came seriously close to dying. You know that?"
Spike felt consciousness slipping from his. He struggled to stay aware. This was a crucial moment. He could feel her propping him up, her arms secure around his chest, snaked under his arms. They were tangled on the floor. He licked his bloody lips, feeling the cracked and blistered skin, "Without you, I wouldn't want to go on living." God his mouth hurt. "Tell me, honestly, that you only live for me, and I won't kill myself." She looked at him shocked. But it made frightening sense. Why should he bother living for her if she wouldn't for him? It was a matter of voicing it.
"Is that what you need to hear?" She said at last. He wished her could see her face, look into to her eyes, but he just listened closely, to the inflexion of his voice. He could feel her hand touch his own, cool against his burning skin. "I live for you Spike." Her voice was like Church Bells, ringing him into heaven. "And it makes me weak. Because I don't know what my next step would be if yours hadn't set the path. It goes against all my morals, and ethics and it scares me. I live for you, because you can live without me. You don't think so, but you can. They couldn't. Their need chains me. And that's why I followed you here, so we could all be free of our chains. Except you. I'm yours now. Can you handle it? I need you Spike and now you're stuck with me."
"I love you Buffy." Spike choked out, blissfully free of his pain. Nothing could touch him.
"I think I love you too." She said with a quivering voice. Her fortress had fallen and it was up to him to protect her now. He could feel her lips touch his forehead as he sunk into unconsciousness.
Buffy woke up grumbly. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before and now that she felt better she was starving. "Hurry up."
"Excuse me, but I'm not so keen on going out a pretty sunshiney day." Spike said bitterly.
"Sorry. I just need to get out."
"Aren't you even going to ask to see the song I wrote last night?"
"You wrote another?"
"You don't remember?"
"Remember what?"
"Never mind. I didn't write one." Spike shoved the paper into his coat pocket. Buffy grinned.
"Lemme see."
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"Hell No." He scowled. He had seem to close to touching her the night before. But now, in daylight, he could see it had just been shadows falling across their hearts. "Go. Get out. Go do what ever you want in the sunlight." Spike hissed, trying to keep himself together. How many nights had he stayed awake crying, Because of something she did? Because he was haunted by her death? How much did he want to go with her into the sunlight? The light that would solve all his problems. In a moment of sheer panic Spike raced past her to the door, flinging it open and charging out into the sunlight. He screamed in pain as he felt flames race up his exposed hand and touch the follicles of his hair.
He couldn't see anything in the dazzling sunlight. He could feel nothing but the inferno blazing around him. He could tell his skin was melting and he was disappearing but it didn't matter. Until she pulled him back inside.
"Oh God Spike." He could hear her, but he couldn't see her. His skin hurt. At least it was something other than the pain of heartache. "What did you do? Why?" Spike coughed, fearing briefly that he would explode and his ashes would scatter around her. And he feared more for her, what she would do if he was gone. "You came seriously close to dying. You know that?"
Spike felt consciousness slipping from his. He struggled to stay aware. This was a crucial moment. He could feel her propping him up, her arms secure around his chest, snaked under his arms. They were tangled on the floor. He licked his bloody lips, feeling the cracked and blistered skin, "Without you, I wouldn't want to go on living." God his mouth hurt. "Tell me, honestly, that you only live for me, and I won't kill myself." She looked at him shocked. But it made frightening sense. Why should he bother living for her if she wouldn't for him? It was a matter of voicing it.
"Is that what you need to hear?" She said at last. He wished her could see her face, look into to her eyes, but he just listened closely, to the inflexion of his voice. He could feel her hand touch his own, cool against his burning skin. "I live for you Spike." Her voice was like Church Bells, ringing him into heaven. "And it makes me weak. Because I don't know what my next step would be if yours hadn't set the path. It goes against all my morals, and ethics and it scares me. I live for you, because you can live without me. You don't think so, but you can. They couldn't. Their need chains me. And that's why I followed you here, so we could all be free of our chains. Except you. I'm yours now. Can you handle it? I need you Spike and now you're stuck with me."
"I love you Buffy." Spike choked out, blissfully free of his pain. Nothing could touch him.
"I think I love you too." She said with a quivering voice. Her fortress had fallen and it was up to him to protect her now. He could feel her lips touch his forehead as he sunk into unconsciousness.
