Disclaimer: I claim no rights over the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer portrayed in the
piece of fiction. All rights of the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer is reserved by Mutant Enemy,
Sandollar, Kuzui Enterprises, Fox and(or) WB TV. This piece of fiction is not to be reproduced
anywhere or edited without the express consent of the author as named above.

Warning: This piece of literature contains scenes with violence, strong language and religious
references that may be considered offensive. Parental disgression should be applied.

Note: This story takes place just before Surprise during the 2nd
season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It represents an alternative storyline, which moves away
from the BtVS story arc as represented in the series for the purpose of the story I want to tell.

Chapter 2: Remembrance

"Excuse me, sir, but we wanted to have a word with you", the balding policeman said. Giles only
reacted after a while. "Yes", he said and looked up. Beyond the police man others were talking to
Jenny, Xander and Willow. The fire department had put out the fire a few minutes ago, but to
Giles it was very appearant that the fire would have burned itself out eventually. There would be
next to nothing left.

"The girl over there", the policeman pointed at Willow. "said that a friend of you all named
Buffy was in the house when it burned. Is that true?", he looked at the man, who suddenly
seemed to wrestle with a decision. Finally Giles said: "I`m afraid that she tells the truth. The girl
she's talking about is Buffy Summers, a dear friend of mine".

"How do you know?", he asked. "She was... Can't this wait... I'm not really...", Giles broke down
in tears. "It can wait. I think we could continue at a later time. I just need everybody's name and
adress, then you can go. You should call someone to bring these kids and get a taxi for yourself",
he suggested. Giles told him his name, adress and telephone number.

Jenny walked over to the policemen. "I'll take everybody home", she explained and began to
bring her disturbed friends into her car. "B-but my car?", Giles stuttered. "I'll get it tomorrow",
Jenny explained and put her key in the ignition. The policeman looked after them as the car sped
away.

"Rupert. There is something we need to discuss", Jenny said as they began to drive down
Dickens Street. "What?", he whispered. "What are we going to tell the authorities about Buffy.
How did we know where to find her? Why did she do it? And what about her mother?", Jenny
explained and concentrated upon the road.

Xander stirred. "Why do we have to discuss this?", he asked in disgust. "Because we have to
decide how to explain everything. That way we can minimize the amount of trouble", Jenny
explained. "How about suicide?", Giles suddenly suggested. "WHAT!", Xander almost
screamed. "Do you want everybody to remember Buffy as a suicidal maniac? What about her
mother, she would be devastated by that", he yelled and pushed himself back.

"Do you have a better idea? Do you want them to equate Buffy to the fire yesterday? You know,
they have a record on her. She burned down school buildings in LA remember", Giles said.
"Won't they still say that?", Willow whispered. Xander gripped her hand warmly and held it.
"Maybe. But we just have to offer a explanation of Buffy's death not of the crime. That will
happen outside of our control. Suicide is the only option, if they can identify Buffy's body, which
is very likely. What is most likely that people will say about her, if we don't offer that
explanation", he said and looked around.

"They'll probably say that Buffy died trying to set another fire and got caught by her own trap.
Suicide at least will make some people think of Buffy as something less than a psychopath. But
maybe we should just keep quiet until they find or identify a body", he explained.
"Maybe Buffy wasn't inside. We only have a stake as proof you know", Willow replied
hopefully.

"We'll know, if another Slayer is called, then she's dead", Giles said and looked out the window.
"Poor Angel", Willow whispered, "He must be suffering a lot more than we do". Xander looked
at her then back out the window. "For sure", he said.

Willy's was open all night. He was serving a drink to a vampire as Angel walked in. He seemed
as always. He wore a black jacket and dark clothing. He sat down at the bar. There was only five
other customers. Willy walked to him.

"So old friend what can Willy do for you?", he said and smiled. "Willy. I just talked to Scratch.
He told me that you met Andrea today and that she gave you a lot of money. You met with her
after the Slayer had been here. Is that true?", he asked in a level voice and smiled to the little
weak man.

Willy felt warm all over. "Well. You see. I was just about to go have a talk to her. She had come
here for information, and was resting for the day in my backroom. Well, your little Slayer
waltzed in here and started beating me around, so I decided to lead her around by her pretty nose
and sent her to the Bronze. Andrea paid well and your girlfriend got out of harm's way", he
explained and put on a winning smile.

Angel grabbed his head and slammed it down onto the counter. The snap was clearly audible as
Willy's nose broke. "She died not one hour ago Willy. Just because you didn't tell her the truth.
Just because of money", he jumped over the counter.

Willy got up, he shook his head while trying to regain his bearings.

Angel hammered his fist into Willy's gut. He collapsed on the floor. One of the vampires
growled threatheningly. Angel just looked him squarely in the eye and bared his demonic visage.
He would give the vampire a painful death if it tried anything. The vampire backed away. It had
seen the enormeous rage of the mighty vampire within Angel. Willy groaned and tried to get up.
"No, no, no", Angel said and drew out a stake. He hammered it into Willy's leg. Willy screamed
in utter agony then fainted.

Suddenly disheartened with all the violence Angel walked out of the bar and onto the open street.
There was only short time until dawn. "Maybe vengeance isn't the right way. Buffy! I'm coming
to join you", Angel said and stared in the direction of the sun. He had lost heart.
All his plans for revenge and violence suddenly forgotten. Only his loss mattered. "STOP
THAT!", a familar voice commanded and walked out of an alley.

"Whistler", Angel said and looked at the man, who had shown him the Slayer. The supposedly
'good' demon, who wanted to help humanity, so things would be balanced more evenly. "Yes.
Look boy. You mustn't kill yourself. It's too early. You still have to stop the evil in this town.
Your Slayer is no more, but soon there will be another, she'll need your help as well", he said and
looked Angel squarely in the eyes.

Angel didn't even blink. "I don't want to anymore. She's gone. I'll follow her. Maybe in death we
can be together", he said and a tear of blood ran down his chin. "Listen to yourself. If she heard
you give up upon the world just, because she was not in it anymore, she would be very angry
with you. The Slayer loved this world. She protected it. Can you do less?", Whistler said in a
harsh tone.

Angel fell to his knees in anguish. "I don't know, how long I can do this", Angel said and looked
upon the stars in the sky. "You owe her to do it for at least as long as she knew you. Trust me
Angel, if you protect this town for two more years, you won't regret it. Do it for her. After that
you can do what you want", he said and walked away. Somehow he already knew Angel's
answer.

"In memory of our love", Angel whispered sadly and got up.

Whistler stopped inside the deep shadows of the alley. He knew that she hadn`t been destined to
die tonight. The forces of good had lost their greatest piece in the game, before it`s time. They
wouldn`t accept that.

"Don't worry my friend. Death isn't always forever", he said with a smile and walked on. He had
other duties, and he couldn`t do more to get the other side to react. He would just wait and see.
"Move this", the hard voice barked. A motor whined under the stress of lifting the left overs of
the 2nd story floor. The young fire man looked underneath with a flashlight. He gulped.
A deeply burned body lay there. The floor had crushed it. "Sir-r, I think this is a case for the
police after all", he stuttered and pointed under the heavy floor board. The older man looked
underneath as well. His stoneface didn't reveal any emotions.

"All right people get those floorboards away, then we move out. The experts will take over from
here", he yelled and gesticulated to the man operating the crane. Without saying another word he
walked over to his wagon and reached for the radio.

"Dispatch. Would you please call the police and tell them that the spectators last night were
right. We just found a body", he said and shivered. He was sure that body could only belong to
someone very young, it was certainly small enough.

The next day. Joyce and Hank walked out of the gray building. "City morgue", the somber sign
above the doors read. Another couple was also leaving. Business as usual on the Hellmouth.
"Why?", Joyce moaned and pressed her face against the larger man's chest.

Carefully he reached up with one hand and held her. Hank also felt the deep wrenching pain, but
he hid it deep inside. He locked it away for there was no one to blame, no one to vent his anger
on. "I don't know", he said and guided his former wife to his car.

"She was doing better. She had good friends. She didn't make as much trouble in school as in LA
and some of her teachers absolutely adores her. She had no reason to do this", Joyce said and got
into the car.

"Listen honey, they're not even a hundred percent sure it's Buffy. They only have her jewelry to
go on. You heard what the doctor said. That girl in there had fractured her wrists, elbows, knees
and ankles at least ten times in the last year or so. I'm don't recall Buffy doing that or you telling
me about it. So I'm not convinced", he said and tried to sound believable. He had also recognized
Buffy's cross, and the earrings he had given her last summer. And he had a nagging suspicion
that Buffy had been up to a lot of fighting in her past, which could explain those fractures.
The look in Joyce's face said it all, she knew he was trying desperately to give her some hope.
She sighed. "Some days I felt that I didn't understand her. She seemed so irresponsible and
reckless, then at other times she was far away and unreachable. But when she came under
pressure, she seemed to be in her element. I don't believe that she killed herself. It's just not like
her. Wait a minute", Joyce suddenly jumped.

"I know where we can get our answers. Buffy kept a diary. She wrote in it every day. We could
read through it. Maybe we can find out, why she did this", she suggested. Hank disapproved of
invading his daugthers privacy, but somehow he agreed with Joyce, they needed to find out why
Buffy had been like she had been.

"It's not here", Joyce cursed and emptied the drawer onto Buffy's bed. "What! Are you sure she
kept it in there", he asked. "Of course I'm sure, but we could just as well begin sorting through
this stuff. I-I must still decide what to do with it all", she said and once more realized that her
one and only daughter had died.

They began looking through Buffy's room. "Strange", Joyce mumbled as she opened Buffy's
trunk. Inside lay clothing and some paper. "That trunk is deeper than that", Hank suddenly said
as he also looked inside.

Joyce grabbed the sides of the trunk and lifted the top tray out. "What the hell??", he exclaimed
in surprise. The bottom of the box was filled with wooden stakes, crosses and small vials of a
clear liquid. "I had expected cigarettes, weapons or drugs, but not this", Joyce said and lifted a
stake out of the box.

Hank bent down and took one of the vials. He opened the glass flask and sniffed then poured
some of the liquid onto his hand and tasted it. "Water", he said and cocked an eyebrow. "This
doesn't help us", Joyce said in disgust and threw the stake back down. "Let's keep on looking",
Hank suggested and open the closet to the left of him.

"Joyce, why did Buffy do this?", Hank asked and held forth a leather jacket. "What do you
mean?", she asked. "There is small pockets sewn into the lining of this one and in the other one
there is pockets sewn into the sleeve. Wait a minute there something in this one", he said and
drew forth another wooden stake.

Joyce took the jacket and looked them over. "I don't know. I think there is a lot more to this than
we know. Do you think Buffy could have lead a secret life? One we didn't know about", she
asked. Hank shrugged. He had only seen her on some weekends.

Five days went by. The police decided to believe the suicide theory. No one tied Buffy to the
other fire, while one of the firemen did say that Buffy had laid the fire in such an expert fashion
that her death simply could not have been an accident. Buffy had been identified by her jewelry
as she had no dental records of any distinction. The burial was set for the afternoon.
Giles felt uncomfortable. He had ordered Angel to steal Buffy's diary from her room as to
prevent any discovery of Buffy's true identity. She had always gone to extreme lengths to ensure
that her mother didn't learn her secret.

He had felt that she would have wanted him to preserve her secret even beyond death. Buffy
was the only person with the right to reveal that secret. The weather was dark and oppressive. A
thick cloud cover warned of the rain that was soon to come. He felt that it was only fair that the
world cried at the loss of it's most stalwart protector.

Willow, Xander and Cordelia arrived together. Willow had recovered some from her hysteria
eventhough she hadn't been in school for days. Xander was taking Buffy's death a little more
calmly than her, but she knew he kept his emotions bottled up inside.

Cordelia hadn't cried at the news of Buffy's death or anything. She hadn't even said a word,
maybe because she didn't feel the same loss as the others. Buffy hadn't been her friend, she had
just become a part of the team by association.

With a sigh Willow left the car. The clouds hung low and promised rain. Willow almost cursed.
Why couldn't the sun shine? Buffy had always hated rain. The first drop fell on her forehead.
Willow began to walk to the small group of people collected around a white coffin.

Xander felt dead inside. He hadn't laughed since Buffy's death, he just didn't feel anything was
funny right now. He had nursed a crush on Buffy since she had bumped into him on her first day
in school. Even when she had been revealed as a teenager with a deadly hobby, he had stayed
around.

He had revived her from death once, but he knew that wouldn't happen again. Deep down inside
he believed that he would never forget this grief this pain. The rain began to pour in earnest. He
found relief in it. At least no one would see his tears. He glanced at the other people collected
around the white coffin, as the priest began the ceremony.

Cordelia Chase stood with her hands folded in her lap. She had never thought of Buffy as a
friend, but then she had never thought of anyone as a friend. Buffy had always been there
though. She had protected her. She had always tried to look hip. She had always gotten them in
trouble. But Cordy didn't think less of her.

Buffy had died fullfilling a duty she hadn't wanted. Cordelia realized for the first time that she
both respected and pitied the girl, who could have been her rival, if a cruel fate hadn't decided
otherwise. Cordelia looked at Buffy's parents, who were both crying as the ceremony went on.
Jenny Calendar had been invited by Rupert to Buffy's burial. She looked at the heartbroken man,
who still seemed crushed by the death of his dearest friend. Jenny held his hand. She gave it a
little squize. She observed the continuing ceremony, while the rain slowly drenched them all.
The priest completed his final blessings and Buffy could be buried.

She looked at the sandy blond woman, whom Rupert had identified as Buffy's mother. "Poor
woman. Too think that she'll never learn the truth about her heroic daughter. But Rupert is right.
It's not our decision to make. Buffy didn't want her mother to know, and I can't see what good it
would do anyhow", she thought and looked once again at the closed coffin.
Inside, she knew, Buffy's broken and burned body lay. Jenny sighed. Sunnydale was in trouble
without a Slayer. Already there was talk that Spike and Druscilla had survived Buffy and
Kendra's attack and that they were planning something big.

Rupert had told her just last night that all hope for Buffy was gone, a watcher had just discovered
the next Slayer. She was 15 years old, american and incidentally her family were moving to
Sunnydale in a few weeks. Kendra would help out until then.
Rupert had been assigned to the new Slayer, because he had the most experience in training
american Slayers and keeping those unruly individualists in line. And he had the most experience
with the Hellmouth.

The ceremony ended. Slowly the mourning group walked away. The coffin had been buried in
Sunnydale's earth.

The Summers house seemed a bleak place to everybody. Joyce was serving coffee. Suddenly
Willow asked as she was pouring another cup to Giles: "Are you going to stay in Sunnydale?".
Joyce looked at Willow and blinked twice.

"I haven't thought about it yet, but I think so yes. I still have the gallery and she's buried here.
Yeah, dear I'm going to stay", Joyce answered and smiled sadly. She glanced at the ceiling.
She hadn't put Buffy's things away. She had just covered everything in white sheets and wrapped
her clothes in plastic. She didn't want to hide all those memories too far away. Buffy would
always be with her in some way like that, as would her smell.

The somber group fell back to silence. Then Hank, who had looked at Willow for a while,
suddenly asked as she looked his way.
"Willow, how did you know that Buffy would commit suicide?", he tried to be blunt and provoke
a reaction. The question hit her like a knife, but Willow who had fought demons and vampires
with Buffy regained control quickly.

"She had been strange all day, then as we were walking home from the Bronze Buffy began
talking about her life, and how miserable everything was for her. She said that she couldn't
handle the constant rejection from everybody. The accusations that she was a bully and a
criminal. She was deeply depressed by the entire Ted thing. Maybe she had a breakdown. I don't
know, but she said that she would end it. She ran off in the direction of Dickens Street, and I was
never in the shape she was. I ran into Giles and Jenny, who were leaving school, I convinced
them to help me. We also picked up Xander on the way. We believed that we could...", Willow
suddenly burst into honest weeping, she hated sullying Buffy's memory like this.

"We thought that we could convince her not to do it, but we were to late. The house was already
going up in flames, when we came", Giles finished Willow's story, while Jenny tried to comfort
her. Joyce and Hank looked at each other. Hank seemed thoughtful. "I'll be dropping in from
time to time", he said. Hank got up and left.

Four weeks passed...

Giles was standing behind a tombstone. Angel was right besides him. "She's still a beginner", he
remarked. "Buffy also began as one", Giles replied and looked at the ravenhaired girl, who was
trying to defeat her tenth vampire.

The Slayers natural fighting ability showed in her, but Angel was right. Wendy was still too
inexperienced to fight any vampire of stature. Wendy finally plunged the stake upwards and into
the vampire. He disintegrated to dust. Giles and Angel walked up to her.
"You're still too slow. And you have got to keep your guard up all the time. Any combat trained
vampire would have flattened you in a second", Angel said mercilessly. "Hello, and no I don't
like you either", she replied and dusted of her clothes. Giles smiled slightly. Buffy and Angel's
relationship had also been bumpy in the beginning.

"I have only been doing this for two weeks, give me a break here", Wendy brushed some of her
hair back. "Can I go now?", she asked and grabbed her coat from Giles. "Of course, and Wendy.
Tomorrow when you come to school, show up in the library before you come to class. It's a
standard procedure, so I'm sure you're ok after a night`s patrolling and to exchange news and
such", he explained as they were walking out of the graveyard.

"But I'll be late for my classes. Isn't that going to get attention sooner or later?", she asked. "It
will, but don't worry they are used to it here", he replied mysteriously. Nobody had told Wendy
about Buffy. It was still too early for such stories.