Chapter 13
"Buffy?" Spike was able to crack one eye when he woke, enough to see blobby shapes around the darkened room. His head hurt so much. "What time is it?"
"You've been asleep all day." She said gently. Her whole demeanor was different, more relaxed, as if she were moving about in a dream.
"What were you doing?"
"Writing of course."
"We've been doing a lot of that."
"We have." He closed his good eye and listened as she came over and kneeled on the floor. "I read your song. I'm sorry, if you didn't want me too. But we've come so far from there, just this morning. Spike, I don't ever want to go back."
"I'll make sure you don't have too. No one should." He felt her lips on his, a short kiss.
"I got you some blood. You should drink it. It will help you heal quicker. He could feel her bring the bag up to his lips. And he was shocked to find out it was real, human blood. His hand shot out and he snagged her arm. She knew what the gesture meant.
"The hospital won't miss it. They've had surpluses across the country since that September 11 attack." He could hear her gulp. How much did she love him to do that for him? It was scary. "It will make you heal quicker than pig blood. And I promised myself I would go give blood soon."
That last idea comforted somehow. Why should he care though? "That was really dumb of me wasn't it?" Spike said, attempting to joke.
"Yeah it was. What would have happened if I hadn't caught you in time, I don't even want to think about."
"So where do we go from here?"
"Didn't we just ask that question?" She said, referring to the last group sing before the demon's enchantment wore off.
"So we're back to square one? For every step we take forward we take two back."
"What do you want me to say Spike? That I have answers? Well I'm sorry. I don't. I never have. I've always looked to Giles-"
"And now he's not around." Spike interrupted. "What are you gonna do? You have to move forward. You have to go on, without looking back. No regrets."
"No regrets." She agreed, feeling fire in her stomach. She missed them all so much, no matter the hell they out her through.
Spike didn't expect her to agree simply. He expected her to fight, for Giles sake, to defend him. What was LA doing to her?
"I'm uh, gonna go to the supermarket. Get a few things. Get some bandages so Joe won't ask questions. Are you going to be ok?"
"Fine." Buffy leaned over, he could feel her hair tickling his skin and helped him to the bed. She pressed the remote into his hands and he turned the TV on. The pulsing of the sound matched the pulsing in his head, enough so he could forget it.
Buffy took a deep breath, once out in the fresh air. She had to get out of there. He had been right. She could feel the chains binding her to him, creeping until she looked like Marley, doomed to walk with the chains she forged in life. But she was good, so why did she have chains.
"Oh my god, I have got to stop thinking." Buffy gasped, releasing the anxiety. She entered the supermarket, the bright fluorescent lights a beacon in the early evening darkness. They had a little money left, not much. She hoped joe paid them soon. And she would sooner steal than take money from the bank account, it was all Dawn had left. It was an assurance Dawn would be ok, what little there was.
Was she right for abandoning them like that? Was it selfish? Or did she deserve a little selfishness at last?
"I'm not expert on human emotion but you look pretty upset." Buffy looked up at the stock boy with a strained smile.
"It's nothing."
"I highly doubt that. Girls like you, takes awhile to hurt that much."
"What do you know about me?" Buffy snapped, recoiling.
"Nothing." The boy put his hands up in the air.
"I'm sorry." Buffy apologized. "I guess I am upset."
"I know just the thing." The boy strolled up to the end of the aisle and fished a tub of ice cream out. Then he walked back grabbing a box of plastic silverware. The store was absolutely empty and Buffy would have bet they were the only two there if she hadn't seen one lone cashier. "Sh. Don't tell anybody." He gave her a spoon and sat down on the floor. He indicated a spot next to him. He took a scoop of ice cream and Buffy felt strangely inclined to sit next to him. "Tin Roof Sundae is my favorite. Just makes all your problems go away. Now that you've had a bite do you feel better?"
"Actually I do." Buffy laughed as she dug another scoop out of the container.
"So tell me what your problem is and I'll try to help. No pretty girl or any girl for that matter should look so forlorn.
"God, how do I explain this." Buffy said. "I have this job, and it's a noble job, really social service type, but it's really hard. I've been doing it for a long time, and if I don't do it no one else will. It's taken a lot out of me, and the pay isn't good, and I've tried to quit but I can't, cos I'm the only one who can do it. So is it wrong of me to want to try to quit again and find a job I'm happier at?"
The stocker looked thoughtful, the spoon hanging from his mouth.
"And there's this guy. He kind of helps me at work, but he doesn't like it either. And he used to be a competitor. And now we're involved. He quit with me, and he's the one telling me I should be strong and stick to quitting, but part of me wonders, if my other job was so important, no matter the hell it puts me through I should do it? Does that make sense?"
"It might in a minute. Let me process." She held the container out to him and he ate. She put her spoon down.
"Ok. Processed."
"Do you have a new job?" She nodded. "Are you any good at it?"
"I dunno."
"What is it?"
"I sing."
"Of course you do." He smacked himself off the head. "Let me here you."
"In public?"
"You're going to have too sometime." She sang a little of her song, nervously watching his reaction.
"Maybe you were just nervous, but my advice is to stick to your day job."
"Or night job." She said under her breath. "Thanks." Buffy smiled.
"I know this may sound cliché but things usually get better if they've been worse."
"Yeah. But sometimes from the bottom it looks far far up." She stood up. "Do you know where the bandages are?"
"Three aisles over." Buffy turned and started walking. She stopped to say thank you one last time but when she turned he was gone.
Even though they had sworn they would never return who was she kidding? She couldn't sing. What had she been thinking? Slaying was her gig. And she would do it, come life or come death.
She went back to the motel and found Spike asleep on the bed. He stirred as she cleaned him up and applied band aids.
"Hey Spike."
"Feeling better Slayer?"
"Yep. Got a little pep talk. I'm going back to Sunnydale." He sat up with a painful groan.
"What?"
"Spike, this isn't for me. I wasn't cut out for singing. I'm a Slayer. It's what I do. But if it makes you happy, I want you to stay."
"But Buffy-"
"But nothing." She put her finger to his lips. "Tomorrow I'm going to see Joe. You have to stay here and rest."
She got into her side of the bed and went to sleep.
"Buffy?" Spike was able to crack one eye when he woke, enough to see blobby shapes around the darkened room. His head hurt so much. "What time is it?"
"You've been asleep all day." She said gently. Her whole demeanor was different, more relaxed, as if she were moving about in a dream.
"What were you doing?"
"Writing of course."
"We've been doing a lot of that."
"We have." He closed his good eye and listened as she came over and kneeled on the floor. "I read your song. I'm sorry, if you didn't want me too. But we've come so far from there, just this morning. Spike, I don't ever want to go back."
"I'll make sure you don't have too. No one should." He felt her lips on his, a short kiss.
"I got you some blood. You should drink it. It will help you heal quicker. He could feel her bring the bag up to his lips. And he was shocked to find out it was real, human blood. His hand shot out and he snagged her arm. She knew what the gesture meant.
"The hospital won't miss it. They've had surpluses across the country since that September 11 attack." He could hear her gulp. How much did she love him to do that for him? It was scary. "It will make you heal quicker than pig blood. And I promised myself I would go give blood soon."
That last idea comforted somehow. Why should he care though? "That was really dumb of me wasn't it?" Spike said, attempting to joke.
"Yeah it was. What would have happened if I hadn't caught you in time, I don't even want to think about."
"So where do we go from here?"
"Didn't we just ask that question?" She said, referring to the last group sing before the demon's enchantment wore off.
"So we're back to square one? For every step we take forward we take two back."
"What do you want me to say Spike? That I have answers? Well I'm sorry. I don't. I never have. I've always looked to Giles-"
"And now he's not around." Spike interrupted. "What are you gonna do? You have to move forward. You have to go on, without looking back. No regrets."
"No regrets." She agreed, feeling fire in her stomach. She missed them all so much, no matter the hell they out her through.
Spike didn't expect her to agree simply. He expected her to fight, for Giles sake, to defend him. What was LA doing to her?
"I'm uh, gonna go to the supermarket. Get a few things. Get some bandages so Joe won't ask questions. Are you going to be ok?"
"Fine." Buffy leaned over, he could feel her hair tickling his skin and helped him to the bed. She pressed the remote into his hands and he turned the TV on. The pulsing of the sound matched the pulsing in his head, enough so he could forget it.
Buffy took a deep breath, once out in the fresh air. She had to get out of there. He had been right. She could feel the chains binding her to him, creeping until she looked like Marley, doomed to walk with the chains she forged in life. But she was good, so why did she have chains.
"Oh my god, I have got to stop thinking." Buffy gasped, releasing the anxiety. She entered the supermarket, the bright fluorescent lights a beacon in the early evening darkness. They had a little money left, not much. She hoped joe paid them soon. And she would sooner steal than take money from the bank account, it was all Dawn had left. It was an assurance Dawn would be ok, what little there was.
Was she right for abandoning them like that? Was it selfish? Or did she deserve a little selfishness at last?
"I'm not expert on human emotion but you look pretty upset." Buffy looked up at the stock boy with a strained smile.
"It's nothing."
"I highly doubt that. Girls like you, takes awhile to hurt that much."
"What do you know about me?" Buffy snapped, recoiling.
"Nothing." The boy put his hands up in the air.
"I'm sorry." Buffy apologized. "I guess I am upset."
"I know just the thing." The boy strolled up to the end of the aisle and fished a tub of ice cream out. Then he walked back grabbing a box of plastic silverware. The store was absolutely empty and Buffy would have bet they were the only two there if she hadn't seen one lone cashier. "Sh. Don't tell anybody." He gave her a spoon and sat down on the floor. He indicated a spot next to him. He took a scoop of ice cream and Buffy felt strangely inclined to sit next to him. "Tin Roof Sundae is my favorite. Just makes all your problems go away. Now that you've had a bite do you feel better?"
"Actually I do." Buffy laughed as she dug another scoop out of the container.
"So tell me what your problem is and I'll try to help. No pretty girl or any girl for that matter should look so forlorn.
"God, how do I explain this." Buffy said. "I have this job, and it's a noble job, really social service type, but it's really hard. I've been doing it for a long time, and if I don't do it no one else will. It's taken a lot out of me, and the pay isn't good, and I've tried to quit but I can't, cos I'm the only one who can do it. So is it wrong of me to want to try to quit again and find a job I'm happier at?"
The stocker looked thoughtful, the spoon hanging from his mouth.
"And there's this guy. He kind of helps me at work, but he doesn't like it either. And he used to be a competitor. And now we're involved. He quit with me, and he's the one telling me I should be strong and stick to quitting, but part of me wonders, if my other job was so important, no matter the hell it puts me through I should do it? Does that make sense?"
"It might in a minute. Let me process." She held the container out to him and he ate. She put her spoon down.
"Ok. Processed."
"Do you have a new job?" She nodded. "Are you any good at it?"
"I dunno."
"What is it?"
"I sing."
"Of course you do." He smacked himself off the head. "Let me here you."
"In public?"
"You're going to have too sometime." She sang a little of her song, nervously watching his reaction.
"Maybe you were just nervous, but my advice is to stick to your day job."
"Or night job." She said under her breath. "Thanks." Buffy smiled.
"I know this may sound cliché but things usually get better if they've been worse."
"Yeah. But sometimes from the bottom it looks far far up." She stood up. "Do you know where the bandages are?"
"Three aisles over." Buffy turned and started walking. She stopped to say thank you one last time but when she turned he was gone.
Even though they had sworn they would never return who was she kidding? She couldn't sing. What had she been thinking? Slaying was her gig. And she would do it, come life or come death.
She went back to the motel and found Spike asleep on the bed. He stirred as she cleaned him up and applied band aids.
"Hey Spike."
"Feeling better Slayer?"
"Yep. Got a little pep talk. I'm going back to Sunnydale." He sat up with a painful groan.
"What?"
"Spike, this isn't for me. I wasn't cut out for singing. I'm a Slayer. It's what I do. But if it makes you happy, I want you to stay."
"But Buffy-"
"But nothing." She put her finger to his lips. "Tomorrow I'm going to see Joe. You have to stay here and rest."
She got into her side of the bed and went to sleep.
