Here's another challenge given by iluvmarauders (can I say it more clearly? GO. READ. HER. SONGFIC. SAD. VERY.). Oh, and thanks Dunderhead for your review and for your challenge. I really laughed when I read it. I'll work on it as soon as I finish this fic!

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and its characters belong to the great J.K. Rowling. The author of this fic will not be responsible for any mental distress, grief, anguish caused by reading this fic. You have been warned …

Oh, and this fic isn't all that funny … more like, silly… ha! Fancy me saying that!

The rules:

~Remus can't talk properly
~Snape accidentally blows up a love potion he was making...for who???
~Must have Cho Chang in it
~Viktor Krum makes a comeback
~Voldie develops a cheesy smile
~Potatoes take over Hogwarts
~Marshmallows appear dancing
~There is a food fight literally in Hogsmeade...as in tomatoes vs. candy and stuff like that
~Superman saves the day
~Everyone sings getting to know you
~Happily ever after

________________________________________________________________________

A War, A Saviour, An End

Snape had seen it coming … for quite some time, really. The reason he didn't tell anyone? You'll find out …

            He sat in his office thinking about the day's happenings when Remus Lupin came in.

            "Your potion is at the corner over there, Remus," Snape said distantly, waving his hand at the corner. Remus nodded. He went over to the corner, took the small bottle and frowned.

            "S-Sna-ape-pp-pe?" Remus stuttered. Snape look abstractedly at him. "Potion … Not … Here." He struggled to get these words out. Snape raised his eyebrows.

            "Oh, that's right," he said laughing half-heartedly. "I forgot to make it … I'll be by your office by dinner, okay?" He grinned widely, … which is very suspicious because Snape hardly ever grinned. Remus nodded quickly … a little too quickly and was about to leave when …

            "Tell me, Remus," Snape said. Remus slowly turned. "The interpreter has arrived already, hasn't he?" Remus nodded. He looked as if he wanted to say something but Snape waved dismissively at him. He walked back to his office shaking his head. Snape had been acting differently ever since … ever since … … … they took over …

            When he walked into his office, he saw Cho Chang sitting there. She was looking very frustrated.

            "I can't believe this!" she cried to Remus exasperatedly, standing up. "Professor! Doesn't this strike you as odd? Potatoes have taken over Hogwarts and Dumbledore hasn't been seen for days! Are you going to do anything about it?"

            Remus thought about this for a minute. He was afraid of those potatoes actually. They scared him. He shook his head at Cho.

            "Well, if you won't, I will," Cho said as she sat down on a chair and thought.

            "I … Want … … Eat. Now … … … You?" Remus asked.

            "Maybe later," she said standing up. "I think I have a plan."

*Dinner at the Great Hall*

            "The new Headmaster of Hogwarts will have his entertainers now," Voldemort said to the students. Smiling cheesily, he clapped his hand twice and marshmallows appeared in front of the staff table. They were of assorted colours. They began dancing to a tune that came out of nowhere.

            Cho, at the Ravenclaw table, thought Voldemort looked a little out of place at the staff table. He was the only human sitting there in the middle of a dozen potatoes, placed on piles of books on the chairs. Ever since the potatoes took over Hogwarts, the professors were forced to eat at the house tables with the rest of the students. Not for very long, though, Cho thought. She had a plan.

            Voldemort, the Interpreter of Hogwarts, leaned over to the potato, which was placed on the Headmaster's chair. He leaned back nodding. When the marshmallow dance finished, he clapped his hands and the marshmallows disappeared and appeared on the plates.

            "A little appetizer," Voldemort said with a cheesy smile. When the marshmallows were finished, dinner appeared on the plates. Everyone started eating. The students were very curious of how the potatoes ate. Whenever they looked at the potatoes, they were inanimate. But when they looked away then looked back at the potatoes again, their (the potatoes) dinner plates would be half-finished. It was all very odd …

            Snape sat at the Slytherin table. He wasn't eating. He was staring dreamily at the staff table. No, not at Voldemort. He thought that the new Headmaster, Professor Braun Eyez, looked rather attractive. Oh, if only it would look this way, Snape thought. How, oh, how can I get it to notice me? A thought struck Snape. He quickly got up and went to his dungeon. Of course! Why didn't I think of it before? He rummaged through his desk and finally found what he was looking for.

            The recipe was headed: Love Potion. He found the necessary ingredients and began concocting the potion.

**********

            Remus was getting worried. Snape said he would come by his office but he hadn't. Remus shakily came out of his office and walked to Snape's dungeon. He saw Snape busily stirring a cauldron. He must be making my potion, Remus thought. He walked up to Snape's side and just stood there for a few minutes; then said:

            "F-Fi-Finished-dd-d?" Remus asked. Snape jumped. He looked at Remus angrily.

            "Remus, have you ever heard about knocking?" he asked. "You just wait outside, will you?" Remus shrugged. He walked out but not before tripping on his robes and falling. The wind coming from his robes as he fell down made the recipe sheet fly away. Snape angrily pushed him out.

            When he left, Snape got back to his potion. Now, for the last and most important ingredient …hmm? Where on earth is that recipe? Oh, well, I think I remember what that last ingredient is …And he did! But sadly he didn't remember just how much to add which was two drops. Snape poured in the whole vial … … … It is finished!!! … … … BOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!

            "Oh, @&%#$ …" he muttered, covered in black soot.

*The next day*

            Cho looked at Viktor Krum. Viktor nodded at her. She smiled. Her plan was ready. She walked to the Headmaster's office entrance, muttered, "Industrial-strength fertilizer" and walked up the spiral stairs. She stopped for a while at the door.

            "What? Oh, yes, I've been trying to kill that Potter kid ever since then … … … No, I haven't been successful … … … Yes, I know! That Triwizard plan was wicked! Too bad I didn't get to kill Potter, though," came Voldemort's voice.

            Cho knocked. She came in. She saw Voldemort beside Professor Eyez, leaning towards it. When Voldemort saw her, he stood up.

            "Yes?"

            "I've come to inform you that, the tomatoes are raging war against the potatoes," Cho said confidently.

            "What?! But that's insane! The tomatoes wouldn't dare! Yes, Eyez?" Voldemort said. He looked as if listening to the Professor. He nodded then he looked back at Cho. "Is that all?"

            "No, the tomatoes said to inform you that they'll be waiting for the potatoes this evening in Hogsmeade … they declare … a FOOD war!"

            Voldemort flinched a little when she said that. He listened to Eyez for an answer. Then he looked back at Cho. "Are you their messenger?"

            Cho shook her head. She was ready for this question. "Their message came to me while I was asleep. It came to me in a dream." Voldemort nodded as if this was a reasonable answer.

            "Very well, the Headmaster dismisses you," Voldemort smiled a cheesy smile at Cho. Cho looked disgustedly at him then left.

            She immediately went to the Ravenclaw dormitory entrance where Viktor was waiting.

            "I've told them," she said to him.

            "And their action?" he asked.

            "Not a clue. They seem to want to fight," Cho said. Viktor nodded. He felt relieved. When the potatoes and tomatoes fight, none will win and Hogwarts will be saved from the Potatoes and Durmstrang will be saved from the Tomatoes. He looked forward for that evening.

*At the Gryffindor Common Room*

            At the Gryffindor common room, Harry had a different plan.

            "I'm telling you, Hermione, I'm positive it will work!" Harry pleaded with Hermione. Hermione looked at Ron.

            "I really think so too … If Harry's childhood hero is really all he says he is, then … I supposed it wouldn't hurt to try, would it?" Ron said. Hermione sighed.

            "Oh, all right then," she finally said. "Just leave me out of this, okay?" The boys nodded. They proceeded to write a letter to Superman.

*That evening in Hogsmeade*

            "Wow, there's an awful lot of tomatoes here," Cho said to Viktor. She looked around the deserted village and at the tomatoes lying scattered by the hundreds on the main street. The residents were warned about the food war and they didn't want anything to do with it. They waited patiently for it to end, shepherd pie pastries at hand and puree machines in the other.

            Potatoes were starting to come by the hundreds. The two forces gathered facing each other, patiently waiting for their respective leaders. When they came, they wasted no time … they started the food war.

            Voldemort was by Eyez's side helping the potatoes. He shouted 'Avada Kedavra' at each tomato he saw. When he did, the tomatoes split open spraying out red substance …

            After an hour, both the forces called for backup. The war went on.

            "Where IS your little hero, Harry?!" Ron said. "He's late!"

            "Hey, just wait a little while more, okay?! He'll be here," Harry said. "You'll see. He always comes."

            After another hour, Superman finally came. He walked to Harry.

            "You're Harry Potter, aren't you?" he asked. Harry gasped.

            "Superman!!! You made it!!!" Harry yelled with delight.

            "Hey, Super-guy," Ron said monotonously. "You're late."

            "Yeah, I know, I'm sorry," Superman apologised sincerely. "I was saving the world in Hungary. I couldn't just leave, could I?"

            "Oh, all right, then," Ron said. "Now go do your job." He said indicating the food war. Superman held out his hand and raised an eyebrow. Ron reluctantly gave him a bag of 50 Galleons.

            "Hey, saving the world ain't easy, kid," Superman said keeping the bag. "I'm doing you a big favour … while risking my life!" With that, Superman went off into the sky to end the war.

            "You'd better do a good job!!!" Ron shouted after him.

*Half an hour later*

            "Wow, Superman!" Harry said admiringly. "I knew you could do it!" Superman, covered in vegetable guts, smiled at Harry.

            "Yeah, so did I," he said. They looked at the potatoes and tomatoes that have just declared peace. They were getting to know each other now. But they were doing it rather awkwardly.

            "I have an idea," Harry said walking towards the vegetables. "This is something I learned in Muggle pre-school. Come on out everyone and join me!"

Everyone who was in Hogsmeade gathered in the street. Harry started singing:

"Getting to knoooww you, getting to know all aboooutt you! …" Everyone started joining in.

            At the end of the day, everyone was happy …

THE CRAPPY END (hurrah!)

Hey, guess what? This thingy here *shows a mechanical device* is my Insanity Radar Meter. Whenever I slip into that other side, this green light here *points to green light on Insanity Radar Meter* will blink red allowing me to know when I'm, er, not normal. That way, I can contact St. Mungo at once and I wouldn't be able to hurt any innocent readers *blinks innocently*.

What? Oh, you like my new sunglasses? Thank you. … … … … What?! What do you mean I won't be able to see the red blinking light with my sunglasses on?!! I can see it perfectly with these 100% tinted glasses!!! *light blinks red*

Bye! I hope you didn't fall asleep reading this story!

Challenges? Mail them to blueprint87@email.com! Or write them in your reviews! :)