Author: nibun (nibun@pacbell.net)

Disclaimer: You know the drill, I don't own em. *sniff* I may not own the characters or the GW Universe, but I do own this story I wrote! Please don't steal from me!

Warnings: Mild shounen-ai, POV, sap, mild Hee-torture ^.^

Rating: G / PG?

Pairings: 1+2+1



Lain ~ Part 3

Created: 12/2/01 Completed: 12/9/01

I don't think I've ever felt this... giddy before. Well, I'm sure I have, but it's never been over something so important. I'm making progress, I'm helping Heero to be more human. And that was fun, too, helping him pick a favorite color. It still puzzles me as to why he chose *purple* of all colors, but I really don't care, so long as it made him think about something besides the war. I can't help but imagine all the other things he could do, how he would look when he smiles, what it would be like to hear him laugh for joy and not for the victory of battle. I can feel a grin stretching my face at the thought of it. I know I can do it, I *know* I can help him live, and I can't wait to see the results. I want so much to help him.

As I kneel on my bed to crawl beneath the covers, I hear a quiet voice speak from Heero's side of the room.

"Arigatou."

I look over at him, in the same position as me on his own bed. With a heartfelt look I answer him honestly.

"Any time Heero, any time at all."

As I begin to fall asleep I feel the smile still on my face, and the anticipation for what tomorrow will bring beating in my heart.

*~*~*~*

I wake the next morning, stretching leisurely in my bed, rueful as I realize the rays of sun are not shining down into our room. My spirits aren't dampened for long, however, when I think of yesterday, and the possibilities of today. My eyes are still closed as I smile, turning to face Heero's bed, even as I know he will already be up and eating breakfast with the others. I don't stay in bed for long, eager to go see everyone, especially Heero. I walk downstairs after throwing a quick tank top on to go with my boxers. This is one of the more lavish of our safe houses, provided by Quatre of course.

The moment my foot falls on the floor of the kitchen-slash-dining room the tension hits me, and I wonder what the hell is going on. Scanning those present, I see that it seems to have originated from Heero, and I feel my heart sink a little.

I paste a smile on my face before venturing any further, as if I'm oblivious to anything that would be wrong. I greet them loudly as I take my non-designated-yet-designated seat next to Heero.

"Hey guys, how's it goin'? Kinda pasty outside, na?"

The table is silent, and not five seconds after I speak, Heero calmly sets down his fork in an action that seems ridiculously final, and stands up from the table. All our eyes are on him as he walks from the room, a few last words tossed over his shoulder.

"I need to check my computer for missions."

After a few moments of stark silence between the rest of us I turn to the others. Trowa and Wu remain quiet while Quatre shrugs helplessly, his eyes troubled and his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"I don't know, he was like that since he got down here. Something must be wrong, but I don't know what *could* be wrong with Heero."

That last part makes me frown a bit. The others don't think Heero is *really* the Perfect Soldier, do they? Don't they realize that he can feel too? I mumble something vaguely in excuse as I follow Heero's path up to our room, my mood all but ruined and worry nagging me in the back of my mind.

I turn the knob and open the door, predictably finding him seated at his laptop, fingers flying over the keys. I close the door behind me for privacy then walk over, setting my hand precautiously on his shoulder. His already taut muscles become even more tense and he ceases movement, waiting for me to remove my hand I suppose. Instead I tighten my grasp, worry for him clouding my eyes.

"What's wrong, Heero?" I ask him searchingly, practically holding my breath in wait of a reply.

"Stay away from me."

My hand snaps away at the sheer coldness of his voice and I swallow heavily. I start to feel a tad desperate, wondering what happened to the Heero of yesterday and why he's suddenly disappeared. I find myself unable to think of anything to say; my mind has blanked.

"Heero, I...."

"Just stop it," his voice seems to grind out, "Stop staring at me, stop touching me, stop trying to make me into something that I'm not. If you succeed then I will become a liability, and useless to this war. Emotions such as the ones you provoke are a weakness, a cause for error during battle, and I refuse to let myself be weak when the future of the world rests upon our performance as soldiers."

After several dumbfounded seconds my mind decides to settle back inside of my head, and after rummaging through it a bit I decide on what to say. In want of another chair, I do something that I know will only upset him further, and sit myself sideways upon his lap. I snicker inwardly, able to see how much he wants to just dump me onto the floor. But now is the time to be serious.

"So then, does caring about someone qualify as a weakness as well, Heero?"

"Of course. Caring for the well-being of another can make one falter during battle, and could possibly cause one to make a mistake, endangering their own life or the lives of others. Now get off me."

I of course ignore his last demand. "But can't you also see the good side of it? Being close to people gives you the will to live, so that in that last moment when you think you can't make it you do your damnedest to anyway, just so that you can see them again and so that they won't have to live being sad because you're not there. Don't you realize that even *you* have people that care about you, who would miss you if you were gone? The other three pilots, and of course Relena-ojousan. And me, kitto."

I keep my arms crossed in front of me, legs dangling over the arm rest. I lean my chin on his rigid shoulder, my breath washing over his neck as I continue, my voice soft in a way that I can't seem to control.

"You may not have realized it Hee-man, but you're my best friend. I do care about you, a lot, and it hurts to see you like this." I lift my chin and raise my right hand to his cheek, feeling his clenched jaw beneath my fingertips. "I wish so much that you could be human and happy, and I want so badly to help you. There's nothing wrong with it Heero, nothing at all. You work with four other people who are human themselves. We feel the pain as well as the joy, the simple joy of being alive. You don't even need others to be able to live, you have to live for yourself as well."

I'm staring intently into his face now, as if my gaze can somehow help him understand. "You are *important*, Heero, you are worth something, to yourself as well as to others. You don't exist simply to fight a war and live in misery while helping the universe. Life is to be enjoyed while it's still here. Look at me. I talk and laugh and smile and care about people all the time, and I'm a good pilot, am I not? It's okay to feel, Heero, it's okay to let others in."

I can feel my heart beating in my chest, the atmosphere around us thick and seeming to tingle and pop with some unknown energy. Heero's eyes are uncertain. I see a part of them that seems to sigh with relief and hope, and another part that pushes away from everything that I have said. His mouth is open slightly, as if he's trying to argue with me but can't find the words to do it. I feel hope inflate in my chest, a matching smile gracing my face.

Confusion sets in and I watch as it overwhelms him. He turns his face down and away, his fist clenching tightly by his side. His voice is choked when he finally speaks.

"Ore... I don't...."

I start to panic and my mind races before he can outright refuse me or have a nervous breakdown. Finally I think of a compromise. My voice is a bit hurried as I speak, hoping against hope that he'll agree to what I have in mind.

"Na, Heero, I bet the idea of suddenly becoming human in front of everyone is kinda scary, ne? So why don't we each give a little." I stare at him, my gaze and voice intent as I continue. "Be human for me, just for me, for now. You can still be the soldier around everyone else, but let me help you, let *me* see the real Heero Yuy. You can be open around the others later, but first you have to learn. You have to let yourself be vulnerable sometimes if you want to be happy, Heero. It's that trust that builds relationships between people, it's that trust that will let you be happy. Sometimes it will be broken, but you'll never know if you don't try it out."

I take his clenched fist between my hands, desperate to prove my words to him. "You can trust me Heero, I swear it. I won't mock you, I won't think you weak, I won't betray you. Please, do this for me, but most of all, do it for yourself Heero. Let yourself be happy."

I hold my breath as his eyes waver, on the brink of going one way or the other. Finally, after an eternity of breathless moments, his body sags beneath me, his head lolling against the back of the chair and his hand loosening within my grasp. With eyes closed, he breathes out wearily, "Aa," and I exhale in relief. I find myself sagging against him as well, squeezing his hand as it is so conveniently placed between my own two. I clap his shoulder fondly.

"You won't regret it, Heero, I swear you won't regret it."



~Tsuzuku~