Okay here's part 2 which I hope you are looking forward to. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Are some parts of this chapter a little confusing? I think I might have muddled up my thoughts. Please review and tell me this and what you think in general!
DISCLAIMER: Since writing part 1 of the story I have not gained ownership of Digimon.
1ST UNDERSTANDING
Ken Ichijouji ignored the tears sliding down his face and the shame he felt at having run home crying. In his opinion 17 year old boys did not run home crying. Actually, even most 17 year old girls did not customarily run across town to their rooms sobbing as he had. Ken tried, and pretty much succeeded, to not think about that as he lay, still crying on his bed. Instead he thought of her.
"Oh Miyako. I'm sorry. I'm not a monster , you weren't wrong about forgiving me." In his mind he saw her as he always did, lavender hair swirling, her thin form dancing to the beat of his heart. Dozens of images of Miyako Inoue flooded his mind. Miyako smiling, laughing in joy at a victory, or a good time with good friends, or a joke, or at her own big mouth and bravado. Miyako making them all laugh. Miyako yelling, at Kari, TK, Davis, Cody, ("Hey Davis that one was mine! Augh! Cody you're so stubborn!") and of course him. He saw a clip of memory showing her slap him when he refused to accept that they needed and wanted his help. Then he saw Miyako comforting him, refusing to allow him to wallow in the guilt of his shame. Miyako crying. As he tried to suppress those displays of pain, Ken realized that recently he had seen her cry more than ever before. In fact, he had seen her just a few days before the 'incident' 2 weeks ago, sitting in the park crying. " Why didn't I comfort her then? I'm a coward. Why didn't I guess that something was wrong. She did understand me. She was the first, after Davis, to forgive me. I, if nothing else owe her. What if I had gotten her to open up? If I had suspected, maybe then ...
flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ring Ring Ri...
Hello?
"...Ken is that you?"
"Davis are you crying" Ken was already worried Davis had never, ever cried like this. There was pain Ken did not even think that Davis knew of conveyed in that cry.
" Ken... It's, Miyako, she... she tried to kill herself Ken" The voice struggled to remain coherent. " She overdosed on pills... don't know if she'll... if" Davis lost his struggle and broke down. His sobs were painful for his best friend to hear but not nearly as painful as the news, accompanied by an epiphany at an inconvenient time. Yeah inconvenient was an understatement. When he thought of her gone the answer to the magnitude of the pain was so clear. It was for this reason that Ken could offer no comfort to his friend.
I love her One real succinct thought that managed to be processed in his whirling brain.
" Davis, Where is she?!" Ken spoke with a sharpness, an anger, different from the quiet voice he had adopted after he turned his back on evil. Davis managed to gain control of himself enough to mumble
"The hospital here in Odaiba. Are... ? Ken?" Ken hung up. The dial tone seconds later would confirm his suspicion. Ken was gone on his way to the hospital barely suppressing the scream of horror fighting it's way out of him from the depths of his being. The hospital was horrible. The waiting room was cold an sterile. Not knowing whether she would make it was torture. She had hurt herself so much. Ken wouldn't cry. He sat in silence in the corner, refusing any and all companionship. Once he knew her fate, live or die, then he would feel again or never. He watched as Kari and Tai entered, Kari sobbing unrestrainedly , as part of Ken longed to. Tai's eyes were red though he tried to look strong for the group of which he was the leader. Kari had flung herself onto TK who also was crying. TK , Cody and Matt(he was staying with TK for the summer) lived in the same building as her and heard and had arrived first. TK comforted Kari as he hugged her but Ken, the silent observer did not miss the pleading look of a frightened and confused child that TK looked to Matt with as he held Kari. Cody, Ken had never seen him cry, ever, he was always controlled and seemed so mature. Now he sat as if he were 8 again, younger even since it was Cody, on the floor with his head in his hands. Ken watched the others arrive, denying himself any emotion that tried to surface. Mimi, Joe, Sora, Koushiro(Izzy) as each one came they sought solace in the group, but for once the group could not fix everything. They could stand to the monsters of the world's nightmares but the pain of one teenage girl had cut them deep. One of their own had felled them. Davis was last to arrive, but there were no glib or humorous comment on his tardiness at this meeting of the Digidestined. He had looked so bad, hair a mess, clothes as if he had dressed in his sleep, goggles which he still wore after 4 years since the final battle absent, face dark, eyes red and puffy, back bent by the weight of his pain. He was enveloped into the comfort of others who shared his pain. Ken refused the comfort and sat in the corner, hoping she would make it and holding back his fear, pain, and tears.
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Ken grimaced as he felt the pain in his heart. She made it, only for him to lose her anyway. Knowing she was alive did lighten his heart, and was of course was an infinite amount better than her being dead, but he didn't know how to stand the dreadful mix of emotions that swirled into existence when she said that she loved him then called him a monster. It destroyed him. The boy pushed away the tear soaked hair that clung to his face and dried his tears as he steeled his resolve. " But I know I can't leave her because of my understanding for her. The understanding that she doubts. I do understand. I'll understand better. I'll do what I should have done before, what someone should have done for me. I'll talk to her, really talk to her. Maybe one day she won't, ugh, hate me, she'll be my friend again" He smiled at that. The thought of being just friends with her was enough for him, it was like being shown and allowed to smell all the delicious foods in the world at once but never being allowed to touch them. It was a torture but still such a gift and blessing. The smile on the boys face was an innocent and pure look of youth, betraying his experience with emotional pain and hopelessness. Ken Ichijouji fell asleep to beautiful and slightly silly dreams of a world where he had her friendship again and they could be together as friends forever, though it was a step down from perfection in his mind. He understood that she probably could never love him. That was his second understanding of them, Ken and Miyako. His first was that he loved her anyway and only.
