Title: Spikey Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Author: Flick
E-Mail: FinalFantasyFlick@yahoo.com
Summary: Harry Potter with Buffy characters.
Dedication: Hilary for inflicting her love of Spike on me and encouraging me to write...stuff, Sarah who encouraged me to actually pick up a book and read it from start to finish and to everyone who gave me positive feedback for 'A Fluffy Interlude'.
Chapter Two
The Vanishing Girls
Eleven months had passed since that night. Spikey's wounds had already healed with the exception of a small scar where the cut in his heart had been. He was now living in a small cupboard under Warren's stairs. The three of them hadn't exactly been overjoyed at being burdened with a vampire but it was one thing that most other people didn't have, so his main purpose in life was being bragged about. Not only that but they now had someone to perform the tasks most befitting him such as cleaning up the basement, polishing action figures and making them look good whenever the three of them went out together. That morning, Spike knew, was going to be particularly difficult. It was Jonathan's birthday. This had been made clear to Spike by the fact that he'd been the one who had to cut up the birthday cake that Andrew had baked which was in the shape of Darth Vader's helmet. He of course had been denied any helpings of it and wasn't even allowed some of the beer that he'd been forced to steal from Warren's dad's fridge upstairs. Warren's parents were, of course, oblivious to the fact that they had a vampire living in their house. To them, he was just the helpful guy that passed out the brooms from the cupboard whenever they were needed.
And so, tonight, for Jonathan's birthday treat, The Trio plus One were heading out to the Bronze. The Bronze was a nightclub situated in Sunnydale but was often referred to as 'The Vending Machine' by the other vampires in Sunnydale. Spike, miserable that he probably wouldn't get to see much action tonight if he was captain of the geek patrol, simply walked on ahead while The Trio fell behind and engaged in what appeared to be quite a heated argument.
"Look, Captain Kirk will ALWAYS be the best! Picard was too bald and Janeaway was just all breasts!" Warren protested.
"I liked Janeaway..." Andrew said to the two of them but was heard by neither.
"Picard was cool. Remember that bit in Insurrection when he got all pissed off and wouldn't blow up the Enterprise? That was cool, man! Kirk never did anything like that!" Jonathan stepped in between the two to present his argument.
"That's because Kirk never lost his temper, dumbass! He's like...the perfect Captain!" Warren's breathing rate was starting to grow more rapid as he spoke.
"Janeaway was cool..." Andrew said to himself but again was heard by nobody.
"Kirk was too perfect! That's why he's such a lame Captain! Everything was always fixed by the end of the show and it was boring!" Warren's face was now inches away from Jonathan's.
"Hey...Hey...FELLAS!" Spike called back from the entrance to The Bronze where he had been standing, smoking a cigarette quietly while the whole argument broke out. "Can't we leave the dorkdom debate until later?"
"He's right" Warren relaxed his shoulders a little, walking ahead to catch up with Spike and enter the nightclub. "Bring on the drinks and chicks, chicks, chicks..." he said, attempting to walk as smoothly as possible into the main dancefloor of the Bronze. Spike decided at this point to keep quiet about the fact that his flies were undone. Jonathan followed him closely inside.
"Janeaway had nice thighs..." Andrew said to himself before breaking into a run and entering the club along with the other three.
The beat of the music was heavy in the Bronze tonight. This suited Spike perfectly. Another rock ballad and he was positive he'd feel even more miserable than he already did. He didn't remember much about being taken away from the life he had once happily led but he remembered enough to know that it was better than babysitting the three Stooges. He remembered Darla. Blond. Sexy. Evil. And then there was Drusilla. The raven-haired Princess that he had once served as her most loyal and faithful knight. He found a corner in The Bronze to stand alone in while he paused for thought. Staring at each and every one of those girls dancing on the floor, he tried to think which one of them Dru would have picked out for him. The one in the pink top, dancing only to get attention? The one in the short red number perhaps that was looking bored as some nerd was chatting her up. Yes, she would be the one. Spike knew the routine. Waltz over with his charming cockney accent, before entering a give-or-take relationship. She would give him all the blood he wanted. And he would take her life.
"Hey Spike, wake up, will ya?" Warren smacked him hard on the arm to snap him out of this daydream. "Go get us some drinks, will you? Jonathan's getting lucky!" he pointed out Jonathan who, little to Spike's surprise was the short guy attempting to chat up the young red dressed girl.
"Johnathan'll be lucky alright..." Spike grumbled to himself as he dodged dancers and approached the bar. "She might only laugh at him for ten minutes."
"So...er...do you live in Sunnydale?" the girl asked, her eyes darting around the dancefloor as if in search of an escape route. "Yeah, my friends and I live in..."
"...one big bastard of a house, right John?" Spike showed up to save both Jonathan and the girl another minute of torture. Instead of the girl's eyes lighting up with excitement at the thought of someone more interesting and more attractive, she just stood staring at Spike's face as if there was something horrible crawling over it. Jonathan froze too, instantly pointing at his own face and stuttering.
"L-L-Lumps...you have lumps, Spike, oh my god, you are Mr Lumpy...." he managed out before making a hasty getaway to where Andrew and Warren were both stood, each wearing a similar mask of surprise.
Spike shrugged. The Trio. Always rushing off whenever an attractive man showed up on the scene. But the frozen look of terror on the girl's face told him that something was seriously wrong. Reaching up with his only free hand, he ran his fingers over his face....over the lumps...over the fangs. Then he stared at his own fingers. His fingernails now looked more like daggers.
"Is it the accent what bothers you?" he asked, trying his best to smile.
Her scream was the first. Followed by another. Before anyone could say 'vampire', the entire club was emptied in a stampede of screaming youths and bartenders.
"That DOES IT!" Warren yelled once they were back at the basement. It wasn't exactly much of a walk home. Mainly an all out assault against Spikey by the three of them with Andrew occasionally bringing up the topic of Captain Janeaway again.
"From now on" Warren continued "You're going to stay here, in the basement and organise our comics! We want Batman issue 1 to be at the beginning and I want them all in alpha-numerical order ending with Zushuman issue nine hundred and ninety nine!"
Slamming the basement door behind him, he faced the other two members of The Trio who had been listening. "Wanna go check out free cable porn?" Andrew asked. After much deliberation from the other two, he finally got an answer.
"Sure."
Back down in the basement, Spike looked around at the table covered with comics and the piles of comics surrounding him. He'd been planning to watch Passions in the afternoon. But oh no, Mr Warren decided to suffer a sudden and unexpected relapse of idiocy.
"Son. Of. A. BITCH!!!"
Using all his strength, Spike launched himself at the table, tipping both it and the comics onto the floor. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, it eventually dawned upon him that, despite being a fully abled vampire with the ability to suck all three of the Trekking gits dry...right now he had little choice but to comply. Picking up Batman issue 1, he started with his work.
