For those of you wondering, this is not yaoi or shonen ai. I have nothing against Tasuki/Kouji yaoi, but I just don't write it. ^_^ I like reading it, though. =P I'm trying to pace my posting so more people will read it. ^_^ Arigatou for the reviews!
Breaking Point
by Kimura
Chapter 6 - Nightmares
Kouji had just drifted off to sleep when he was suddenly awaked by loud screams. Genrou, he thought immediately. God, what if something's happened?! Instantly awake, he leapt out of bed and sprinted down the hall. He threw open the door.
Tasuki was lying in bed, tossing and turning.
Kouji breathed a sigh of relief and shut the door after himself.
Tasuki screamed again.
Kouji winced. He'd never heard his friend in that much pain before. He quickly went to his side and shook his shoulder. "Wake up, Gen-chan, it's a dream."
Tasuki's eyes fluttered open. "K-Kouji?"
Kouji sat on the bed. "It's me, Genrou. It was just a dream."
Tasuki looked around the room, as if expecting an enemy to jump out at him. "M-Makara . . ."
"No, he's gone, Genrou. You're safe now." He rubbed Tasuki's shoulder gently. "It's okay, Gen-chan."
Tasuki laid back down, trying to get his breathing back to normal.
Kouji looked at him carefully. He's trying so hard to be strong, he thought. "You want me to leave?"
"N-No," Tasuki answered shakily. "Onegai . . ."
"It's all right. I'll stay," he said quickly. He paused for a minute. "Genrou . . . you know I'd never laugh at you, ne?"
Tasuki nodded silently, finally releasing the pent-up tears.
"You wanna talk about it?" Kouji asked.
Tasuki shook his head.
Kouji sighed. I'm gonna have to get him to talk about it sometime, he thought. I'm just afraid of pushing him right now. I don't think he could take it. Shit, I'm not some kind of expert on this stuff . . . I don't know what to do! He sighed again, pulling Tasuki into his arms. He knew, no matter what, that Tasuki could never learn of his uncertainty. He put total confidence in Kouji, a thought that was not very comforting. But he's so frightened that he can't do anything else. He held his friend tightly, trying to forget his own problems and concentrate of making Tasuki whole again.
~~~
Tasuki lay awake in bed the next night. Kouji and most of the others were out on a raid. Part of him wished he could have gone, but the other part wasn't so sure. He'd seen enough blood and violence for a while. They had left in the early evening. Tasuki had tried to keep track of the time by watching the sky out the window, but it was hard to tell how long it had been after the sun had set completely. He was starting to get worried. It felt like forever since Kouji had left.
What if something happened? he thought. What if Kouji's hurt? Tasuki felt panic starting to set in. Anything could have happened . . . it's all because I wasn't there with the tessen . . . I could've helped them, if only I could fucking walk! I've got to . . . I've got to do something. I can't just sit here. If Kouji's hurt . . . if they've all been killed . . . Makara could find me! Tasuki rolled over the side of the bed, onto the floor with a thud. He tried to pull himself to his feet, but his legs wouldn't hold him. "Kouji," he gasped out. He pulled himself over to the wall, using his arms and yanked the tessen down from a chair. Then he dragged himself over to the door, trying to get it open. Just as he had nearly succeeded, there was a knock.
Tasuki scrambled away from it, his back against the bed, holding the tessen out in front of him. "Stay back!"
"Genrou?" Kouji asked softly, opening the door.
Tasuki cried out in relief, hugging Kouji's legs.
"Genrou, what the hell happened?!" Kouji asked, kneeling beside Tasuki and hugging him.
"I thought . . . I thought something went wrong . . . you wouldn't come back . . ." Tasuki babbled as tears trickled down his cheeks.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm fine, we're all fine. It was a piece of cake. It's all right now."
Tasuki shook his head, feverish memories and visions started to form before his eyes. He screamed, pulling away from Kouji.
"Genrou?! What is it?!" Kouji cried, trying to calm his hysterical friend.
"GET AWAY FROM ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
The guards leered at him, leaning in closer to unlock the chains and take him to Makara.
"NO! I won't go!" Tasuki screamed. No matter how hard he tried to avoid their grasp, they always captured him, dragging him to his feet. "NOOO!"
One of the guards landed a blow to his stomach. "Shut up, whelp."
Tasuki almost welcomed the blow, praying that the guards would beat him to unconsciousness so he wouldn't have to endure The Torture.
When Tasuki still struggled and was rewarded with another hit, he was told, "That's it, no food for at least two days."
I don't care, Tasuki thought. I'd rather die than endure another second of torture. Despite his resistance, the guards managed to drag him to the room where Makara was waiting impatiently.
"That took longer than necessary," he snapped.
Tasuki tried not to shiver, not be afraid, but now it was impossible. His brain equated Makara with pain and caused an involuntary reaction of fear and revulsion.
Kouji slapped Tasuki across the face.
Tasuki looked around his room, disoriented, panting, and sweating.
"Genrou, can you hear me?" Kouji asked.
Slowly, Tasuki nodded. He locked his eyes with Kouji's. Gradually, the nightmare faded.
"What did you see, Genrou?" Kouji asked. "What scared you?"
Tasuki shivered violently.
Kouji hugged him. "It's over now. It'll help you to talk about it."
"Th-the g-g-guards."
"They hurt you."
Tasuki nodded. "I wanted them to."
"What?! What for?!"
"So they'd knock me out so Makara would leave me alone . . ."
Kouji paused, praying that Tasuki would go just a little further. "Genrou, what did he do to you?"
Tasuki's shaking intensified. "No! Aniki, please . . ." He sobbed into Kouji's shoulder, unable to control himself.
Damn, Kouji thought. Too soon. "It's all right. You don't have to talk about it until you're ready. Whatever you saw, Gen-chan, it wasn't real." There's got to be some way to find out what happened. I need to know.
"Don't leave, Aniki . . ."
"Shh, I won't. C'mon." He carefully lifted Tasuki up, laying back in bed and smoothing the covers over him. "Shh, sleep, sleep. I'll be right here." He watched as Tasuki slowly calmed, then slept from sheer exhaustion.
Kouji sat thinking for a while, then returned to his room, having worked out a plan.
~~~
The next morning, Kouji called Himoto to the Leaders' Room after breakfast.
"You wanted to see me?" Himoto asked.
Kouji nodded. "I need to know what they did to Genrou."
Himoto gulped. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"
Kouji nodded again.
Himoto focused on the floor. "Well . . . for the first week, the guards just beat the shit out of him. They drugged him at first, but by the end of the week, they didn't need to. He was pretty weak. Then Makara started to work on him. He . . . he had a stone . . . I don't know where he got it. But it had dark powers. When he experimented with it, he discovered it could cause pain. After years of experimenting, he began to build a machine to harness its power and aim it."
"So, he had it when he was with us?"
"Yes, he did. He guarded the secret with his life. But he didn't start building the machine until he left Reikaku. That's why he wanted control. He wanted your help to complete the project. When that failed, he recruited his own men and I was one of them. Anyway, the Machine was a success. He was able to use the Stone to send a beam of pain to whatever part of the body it was aimed at."
"Did it cause physical damage?"
"No, that's the weird part. All of Genrou's physical damage was the work of the guards. The Machine doesn't leave any marks at all. It's . . . it's an evil magic."
Kouji had paled. "No wonder he's so afraid of the guards."
Himoto cleared his throat and continued. "Anyway, Makara had apparently already tried to machine on other parts of the body before I joined him. By then, there was only one thing left to try: the head. He wanted to see what kind of effects it would have on the mind. He was hoping ultimately for some kind of mind control. I don't think it was successful in that regard."
Kouji felt nauseous. "And Genrou was his new guinea pig."
Himoto nodded. "It seemed like a good idea: get revenge on the Reikaku bandits and complete his experiment at the same time. Anyway, he started working on Genrou. He aimed the machine at his head, causing extreme pain. My job was to record Genrou's reactions. The first day . . ." Himoto shook his head in amazement. "After the initial blast, he didn't make a sound for the rest of the session. He was half-unconscious after Makara finished with him, but he stayed silent. It was unbelievable."
Not if you know Genrou, Kouji thought.
"He didn't make another sound until the fourth day."
"And he had a day of rest in between?"
"No, not at all. When Makara wasn't there . . . I was the one who pulled the trigger."
Kouji nodded.
Himoto tried to swallow his guilt, knowing that now was not the time to ask for forgiveness. "Anyway, on day four, he shouted a little bit. When Makara came back on day five and started giving him successively longer blasts, Genrou would shout and curse up a storm. That lasted until day nine. Days nine and ten, he went totally silent again. It was kind of creepy. Then on day eleven . . . he . . . he quietly asked Makara to stop. Makara made him beg, made him scream. But even though Genrou obeyed him, he would still give him a longer blast. I think it just kinda hit Genrou then that it didn't matter what he did; he was still gonna get tortured. And that's when . . . he lost it. He just started screaming. No matter what Makara did, he just kept on screaming. Even when Makara stopped and the guards took him to his cell, he wouldn't stop. He just screamed until he lost his voice in the middle of the night." Himoto stole a glance at Kouji.
Kouji's back was to him, staring out the window. "Could you make out what he was saying?"
"Well, most of the time it was just noise. When there were words, it was names. I think I recognized some of them as Suzaku Seishi names. But most of the time, he screamed for you." Himoto had said it quickly, to get it over with. He didn't want to see Kouji's reaction.
There was a long silence before Kouji told him, "Go on."
"Well, after that things just got worse. Genrou got weaker and cried more often. The guards got tougher and Makara got a little more insane. The cycle just went on. I was asked to leave after a while because Makara thought I was getting too soft. That's all I know."
There was a long moment of silence, during which Kouji still did not turn to look at him, "You can leave."
Himoto made a quick exit.
Kouji slowly left the room, walking to Tasuki's room. He opened the door quietly, knowing that Tasuki would still be asleep. He closed the door after himself, letting his eyes adjust to the darkened room. He slowly walked to the bed and knelt beside it.
Kouji leaned his head against the mattress and cried. "Why, Genrou?" he whispered, his shoulders shaking. "Why not me?"
~~~
Tasuki awoke the next day to discover Kouji asleep on the side of his bed. Man, he's gonna have one helluva neck cramp when he wakes up, he thought. He reached out and gently shook Kouji's shoulder.
The older man stirred, groaned, and slowly raised his head, rubbing his neck.
Tasuki looked in concern at his pale face and reddened eyes. "You look like shit, man. Go back to your room and sleep."
Kouji shook his head, struggling to his feet. "I'm fine. You hungry?"
"Yeah, a little," Tasuki answered, still looking at him worriedly. "Kouji, let someone else get it. At least sit down."
Kouji again shook his head, starting unsteadily to the door.
Genrou took a deep breath. I hate to do this, but it's the only way I'll get him to listen to me, he thought.
He carefully added a false waver into his voice. "Kouji . . . don't go. I-I don't wanna be alone . . ."
Kouji's expression immediately softened and he sat back down on the edge of the bed. "It's all right. I'll stay, if that's what you want."
Genrou nodded. Shit, that felt horrible, he thought. If he wasn't so wasted, he woulda seen right through me. Damn it, why is he so stubborn?
~~~
