Sorry for the wait, everyone. I apologize. I don't even really have a good reason. Gomenasai . . .

Breaking Point
by Kimura
Chapter 9 - Trial and Error

A few days later . . .

Tasuki and Chichiri lounged around in the tavern room they had rented for the day and following night.

Tasuki flopped down on the bed. He expected Chichiri's "talk session" to begin any minute. I may as well get comfortable.

Chichiri sat down across from him. "Ready no da?"

Tasuki, nodded closing his eyes. Sometimes he could think better that way.

"Do you think you could just describe a typical day at Makara's for me no da? Are you ready for that?"

Tasuki tensed, but took a deep breath. "I think so."

~~~

The cell door opened. Tasuki hardly stirred. He knew they were just coming to give him a little food. If he didn't say anything, they usually left him alone.

Today, he was right. The guard set down two bowls and left.

Tasuki slowly and painfully sat up. Every part of him ached. He checked for broken bones and looked for blood in the dim light.

After deciding he didn't have any life-threatening wounds, he picked up the rice and water. He ate in silence, trying to keep the lump in his throat down that tended to reduce his appetite. I need to fucking eat, he told himself. Not sit here and cry. He finished the food and leaned against the wall.

His wrists itched and burned from the chaffing of the iron cuffs. He wanted to get them off, but that would mean going down the hall and --

He didn't want to think about it yet. If he could just think of something else, maybe it wouldn't be so bad today.

But it would be. He knew it would be.

The door opened again.

This time, Tasuki couldn't help shivering. They reached down and unlocked the chains. The momentary relief was cut off by fire in his arms as they yanked him to his unsteady feet. They held onto him partly to keep him from escaping, but also just to keep him upright.

He fought wildly, trying to delay his meeting with Makara. There's got to be some way out of this! he thought to himself, already crying a little. What did I do to deserve this?!

~~~

"Nothing no da."

"What?" Tasuki asked, broken from his narration.

"You did nothing to deserve it no da."

"Oh. Right," Tasuki said, understanding. He had forgotten the monk was even listening.

"No, Tasuki-kun, you're not hearing me." He stood and then sat on the edge of the bed. "I said, you did nothing to deserve this no da."

The bandit was puzzled. "I know."

Chichiri shook his head. "No. You don't."

Tasuki sat up and exploded," What do you want from me?! I don't get it, okay?! I don't know what you want!"

"I can tell that you don't really believe it no da. You think deep down that you must have committed some horrible sin to cause this."

Tasuki laughed harshly. "Why the hell not? I've done a shit load wrong in my lifetime. Maybe Suzaku's punishin' me for bein' a bandit."

"No, no da. That's not how it works. You only stole for survival. I know you Tasuki. You are not a bad person. You did not deserve this."

"Then why?" Tasuki whispered. "Why else would it have happened?"

"I don't know no da," Chichiri whispered back. "But it is not your fault."

Tasuki turned to face him and hugged him fiercely.

Chichiri hugged him back and let him cry.

A few minutes later, Tasuki pulled away.

"You don't have to go on if --"

"I want to finish it," Tasuki said resolutely.

Chichiri went back to his seat.

Tasuki closed his eyes.

~~~

Makara leaned over him, laughing cruelly. "You'll never get out, Genrou. They're not coming for you. No one will. No one would bother anyway."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Tasuki screamed.

Makara's face darkened. "Don't you scream at me. Don't you EVER scream at me!!!" He slapped Tasuki viciously. Then again.

Then again.

Then again.

~~~

"NO NO NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Chichiri shook Tasuki by his shoulders. "Tasuki! Tasuki, listen to me! TASUKI!"

Tasuki finally met the monk's masked face.

Chichiri pulled him to his chest, stroking his fiery hair. "Shhhh, na no da. It's over now. It's over. He can't hurt you now."

Tasuki sobbed helplessly. He hadn't even meant to slip back in time. It just sort of happened. Makara seemed to still have a strong hold over him.

"I can't win," Tasuki whispered. "I can't win!"

"Shh, Tasuki-kun. You can win; you will. It just takes time no da."

"No, I can't, I can't."

Chichiri rocked him gently. "Shh, no da."

Tasuki closed his eyes tightly. "Kouji . . ."

"It's all right no da. Shhh." Chichiri laid him down. "Rest, no da. You need to rest."

Tasuki fought a little against him. "No, no, I don't need this!"

"Hush no da. Just relax."

Tasuki sighed, closing his eyes. He let Chichiri soothe him to sleep, wondering how on earth this was supposed to help him get better.

~~~

Chichiri watched the young bandit sleep as he slipped off his mask. He dried his cheeks on his soft kesa. The smell and feel of the fabric was comforting.

What kind of crazed psycho had tortured his friend and shattered him like this?

The monk stood and stared out the window through his blurred vision. He tried to let nature soothe him, but he was far too troubled. Though he'd never show it, the emotional burden of trying to heal Tasuki was a weight he was having difficulty shouldering. The damage to Tasuki's confidence, trust, memory, and stamina was immeasurable. Honestly, he wasn't sure the redhead could pull through. He was strong, but stubborn and reluctant.

I have to believe him because he doesn't believe himself, the monk said to himself. If Kouji or I lose faith in him, he's finished. I wish Nuriko or Tamahome was here. They were closer to him than I. But if I can't do this . . . no one can. I'm his only chance.

Chichiri shuddered, nauseated by the idea that Tasuki's life was in his hands.

If this was a physical fight, I'd just use my magic. But it's an emotional battle. No amount of magic can help. I have to help him or he dies. That's all there is to it.

Chichiri leaned his head against the cool glass. Suzaku, give me the strength to help him. Don't let one of your Seishi die like this.

He stood up and looked over at Tasuki sleeping on the bed, realizing how tired he'd become himself. He started to go to the bed to lie down beside Tasuki.

No, I don't want to wake him.

The blue-haired seishi laid down on the ground and ignored the tears as they rolled down his scarred face to the wooden floor.

~~~

Kouji was chained to the wall. He couldn't move. He couldn't do anything.

He watched helplessly as Makara tortured Genrou, used the machine on him, beat him.

Kouji screamed, trying to get free.

It was no use, there was nothing he could do.

Genrou was getting hurt and he couldn't help him.

"NO! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Kouji shouted, his throat growing hoarse.

"The more you scream, the more I hurt him," Makara replied without so much as a glance over his shoulder.

Genrou met Kouji's eyes. "Kouji . . . Aniki . . . please . . . HELP ME!"

~~~

Kouji awoke with a start. He looked around the room frantically, then calmed as he realized it had only been a dream.

He sighed and slowly walked to the window. Nightmare was more accurate. And he'd been having them since Genrou left.

Chichiri's with him, he told himself. He won't let anything happen.

The thought still didn't bring him enough comfort to sleep through the night soundly.

He wondered if Genrou was still having bad dreams every night. He doesn't need any more of them, he thought angrily. He's been living a nightmare for long enough.

He sighed again and climbed back into bed, praying to Suzaku to keep his friends safe.

~~~

The next day . . .

Tasuki was fairly silent the whole morning. Chichiri has anticipated this and let it happen. The tortured bandit was easily shaken up and he needed time to recover. Chichiri suggested they take a walk after breakfast and led Tasuki to the river that ran through the town.

The monk sat under the shade of a tree as he watched Tasuki pick up small stones and flick them into the sparkling water.

"What are you upset about no da?"

Tasuki didn't answer.

"Are you mad at me no da?"

The bandit shook his head and continued to throw rocks.

"Makara?"

Tasuki froze, then nodded. He threw another stone so hard, it skipped across the ripples before sinking.

"You're mad because he can still get to you?"

Tasuki clenched his jaw in reply.

"If we work together, we can stop him no da. If you remember everything that happened and try to deal with it, these memories won't be able to suddenly come to surface and overwhelm you no da. The problem is, you're repressing them. You have to let them come back out."

Tasuki slowly shook his head.

Chichiri gave him a puzzled look.

The bandit very slowly pulled out a small jar, containing some kind of liquid.

The monk's eyes widened. "Kodoku*?"

Tasuki nodded.

"Where did you get that no da?"

The redhead didn't answer and slowly removed the lid.

"No, Tasuki! That's the easy way out!"

"DON'T YOU THINK I FUCKING DESERVE THE EASY WAY OUT AFTER WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH?!" Tasuki screamed with a hatred Chichiri didn't know he had. He angrily jabbed at the tears on his face.

"If you drink that no da, you won't only forget Makara. You'll forget me. And Kouji. And Nuriko. And Chiriko. All those people you loved. All those people who died fighting for what you believed in. If you want to FUCKING give all that up, then GO AHEAD!" the monk shouted, standing up. "If you're ready to quit, this time I won't stop you. Do what you want. If you want to fight, meet me back at the inn." He turned and went back into town.

~~~

[A/N: Kodoku is not the right word here, but I can't remember what it should be. It's whatever Nakago gave Tamahome to make him forget everything. Does anyone know? It begins with a "b" because Amiboshi tries to give it to Suboshi ... damn, why can't I remember?]

Chichiri waited tensely for an hour in the inn. He sat at a table, slowly drinking water. Finally, the redhead walked into the room.

The monk was so relieved, he jumped up and hugged him tightly.

Tasuki hugged him back silently. "I'm sorry," he whispered after a minute. "I'm so sorry . . . I . . ."

"It's all right no da." He pulled away after a minute. "But I want you to know that this means you're going to stick with it all the way no da."

Tasuki clung back onto him. "Just don't leave again."

Chichiri realized his abrupt exit had frightened Tasuki a little. He doesn't want to be left again. The monk returned the embrace. "I promise no da. I won't."

"Then I'll stick with it until the end."

~~~