Looking back on the last few days, I decided that I had gone off my trolley. I mean, seriously. You just don't wake up with an enourmous yellow ball going by the name of "Mr. Smiley" in your garden. Particularly an enormous yellow ball that wants to take over the world. The only sane explanation I could come up with, was that I had gone completely INsane!
And yet, here I was: sitting in the office of one of the richest men on the planet. Following the specific instructions of Mr. Smiley, I knew exactly what I was doing. Simply staring at mines and flags all day - it appeared - was not all that our Mr. Smiley got up to. He knew exactly how to hit Windows (called Windoze by some of its more sensible users). The first place to start was the workers. Win them over to our side, and the fat cats would soon topple.
I was to send an e-mail to every employee of Microsoft - my reason for being in the office in the first place. The e-mail went as follows:
Dear Wally,
As a respected and highly-paid friend of mine, I thought I should divulge one of my greatest secrets to you. I am currently hatching a plot to cut the pay of all the hard workers in the company. They're fools, all of them. Incompetent fools. Why do you think my Windows NT was, well, utter tripe? Their fault. So, we shall cut the pay of the programmers, secretaries etc. down to a pitance! Barely enough to sustain their miserable existances. Uwahahaha (I am aware that this evil cackle would be far more effective if I was speaking to you in person). So, I am calling a meeting with you and a few others to see about this pay docking.
Yours,
Billy-Boy.
The idea was that "clever" Mr. Gates accidentally forwards an e-mail meant for a rich friend to every employee. I had to admit, Mr. Smiley certainly was an intelligent young chappy.
The idea worked better than we could ever have dreamed. Within hours, there was chaos all over the world. Microsoft employees everywhere were outraged at the incident. The question on the whole worlds' lips: What did Bill Gates have to say for himself?
I wished to know the answer myself, so I flicked on the television. Unfamiliar with the American channels, it took a lot of searching before I finally found a news channel.
'Thousands of employees outraged, a company in turmoil, and what does the man responsible have to say for himself? We caught up with Bill Gates and put this question to him,' said a dashing young news reader.
*Flick to a seedy looking bar*
'So, Bill. Just what is going on here?' asked a young woman, her face almost comletely obscured by the vast quantities of make-up she had applied to it.
'It's lies, LIES!' began Mr. Gates. 'I swear to you, I didn't write that e-mail!'
'Then how do you explain it? You're too well protected to allow someone to hack into your account.'
'Indeed, indeed. However, the person - or should I say thing - responsible is one of Microsofts' most trusted employees. Mr. Smiley from my Windows game/i Minesweeperi has come to life and along with a young girl from Scotland is trying to ruin my company and subsequently take over the world!'
'I fear that Mr. Gates has taken leave of his senses. He will no doubt be taken to see a psychiatrist soon...'
I turned the television off again, satisfied that nobody would believe Bill's "ludicrous" story. Now was my opportunity to do something I'd always wanted to do - I sat back in the big executive chair, clasping my fingers together and cackling insanely. Unfortunately, my moment was ruined as Mr. Smiley made his appearence.
"Fancy yourself as a bit of a hard-ass now do you Erin? Don't forget it was yours truly who masterminded the whole operation," he chuckled.
"Psssssht! Not at all. I was just enjoying the feeling of power. Uwa ha ha ha. Don't deny that you're enjoying it too," I spat back.
"Oh, I'm loving every minute. Although our plans are nearing fruition, there is still much to be done. Please clear off and allow me to do some scheming."
Deciding it was best not to argue with a gigantic yellow ball, I left. Nothing was familiar to me in America. They called the pavement a "sidewalk" and spelled colour without the "u". No doubt any American in Britain would feel just as alien, but I'm talking about narcisstic ol' me right now. I tried to think of somewhere that remained the same no matter where you went. Somewhere that had it's own unique spirit no matter which country it was in...
... McDonalds.
I didn't know whether I could bring myself to walk in there. You see, I'm Coulrophobic. For those of you who have never heard of the condition, it means I'm deathly afraid of clowns. Ronald McDonald seems to be waiting at every turn in the fast food restaurant. I sucked in a deep breath and pushed open the door. Oh yes, this was McDonalds'. There was no mistaking the smell of grease and "meat" cooking, no mistaking the spotty-countenance of the under-paid teenage workers.
Who would have thought? Sitting in the corner was...
... Robbie Williams!
----
Alright, so I finally did another chapter. It's been a long, long time. To be perfectly honest, I totally forgot about this little project of mine. However, now that I'm up and running again, I'd like to see this actually going somewhere. Thanks to the reviewer who pointed out that some of my earlier chapters (ond probably this one) contain some typos. I shall revise all chapters as soon as I get time. Thanks for reading. :)
And yet, here I was: sitting in the office of one of the richest men on the planet. Following the specific instructions of Mr. Smiley, I knew exactly what I was doing. Simply staring at mines and flags all day - it appeared - was not all that our Mr. Smiley got up to. He knew exactly how to hit Windows (called Windoze by some of its more sensible users). The first place to start was the workers. Win them over to our side, and the fat cats would soon topple.
I was to send an e-mail to every employee of Microsoft - my reason for being in the office in the first place. The e-mail went as follows:
Dear Wally,
As a respected and highly-paid friend of mine, I thought I should divulge one of my greatest secrets to you. I am currently hatching a plot to cut the pay of all the hard workers in the company. They're fools, all of them. Incompetent fools. Why do you think my Windows NT was, well, utter tripe? Their fault. So, we shall cut the pay of the programmers, secretaries etc. down to a pitance! Barely enough to sustain their miserable existances. Uwahahaha (I am aware that this evil cackle would be far more effective if I was speaking to you in person). So, I am calling a meeting with you and a few others to see about this pay docking.
Yours,
Billy-Boy.
The idea was that "clever" Mr. Gates accidentally forwards an e-mail meant for a rich friend to every employee. I had to admit, Mr. Smiley certainly was an intelligent young chappy.
The idea worked better than we could ever have dreamed. Within hours, there was chaos all over the world. Microsoft employees everywhere were outraged at the incident. The question on the whole worlds' lips: What did Bill Gates have to say for himself?
I wished to know the answer myself, so I flicked on the television. Unfamiliar with the American channels, it took a lot of searching before I finally found a news channel.
'Thousands of employees outraged, a company in turmoil, and what does the man responsible have to say for himself? We caught up with Bill Gates and put this question to him,' said a dashing young news reader.
*Flick to a seedy looking bar*
'So, Bill. Just what is going on here?' asked a young woman, her face almost comletely obscured by the vast quantities of make-up she had applied to it.
'It's lies, LIES!' began Mr. Gates. 'I swear to you, I didn't write that e-mail!'
'Then how do you explain it? You're too well protected to allow someone to hack into your account.'
'Indeed, indeed. However, the person - or should I say thing - responsible is one of Microsofts' most trusted employees. Mr. Smiley from my Windows game/i Minesweeperi has come to life and along with a young girl from Scotland is trying to ruin my company and subsequently take over the world!'
'I fear that Mr. Gates has taken leave of his senses. He will no doubt be taken to see a psychiatrist soon...'
I turned the television off again, satisfied that nobody would believe Bill's "ludicrous" story. Now was my opportunity to do something I'd always wanted to do - I sat back in the big executive chair, clasping my fingers together and cackling insanely. Unfortunately, my moment was ruined as Mr. Smiley made his appearence.
"Fancy yourself as a bit of a hard-ass now do you Erin? Don't forget it was yours truly who masterminded the whole operation," he chuckled.
"Psssssht! Not at all. I was just enjoying the feeling of power. Uwa ha ha ha. Don't deny that you're enjoying it too," I spat back.
"Oh, I'm loving every minute. Although our plans are nearing fruition, there is still much to be done. Please clear off and allow me to do some scheming."
Deciding it was best not to argue with a gigantic yellow ball, I left. Nothing was familiar to me in America. They called the pavement a "sidewalk" and spelled colour without the "u". No doubt any American in Britain would feel just as alien, but I'm talking about narcisstic ol' me right now. I tried to think of somewhere that remained the same no matter where you went. Somewhere that had it's own unique spirit no matter which country it was in...
... McDonalds.
I didn't know whether I could bring myself to walk in there. You see, I'm Coulrophobic. For those of you who have never heard of the condition, it means I'm deathly afraid of clowns. Ronald McDonald seems to be waiting at every turn in the fast food restaurant. I sucked in a deep breath and pushed open the door. Oh yes, this was McDonalds'. There was no mistaking the smell of grease and "meat" cooking, no mistaking the spotty-countenance of the under-paid teenage workers.
Who would have thought? Sitting in the corner was...
... Robbie Williams!
----
Alright, so I finally did another chapter. It's been a long, long time. To be perfectly honest, I totally forgot about this little project of mine. However, now that I'm up and running again, I'd like to see this actually going somewhere. Thanks to the reviewer who pointed out that some of my earlier chapters (ond probably this one) contain some typos. I shall revise all chapters as soon as I get time. Thanks for reading. :)
