FINAL FANTASY IV IN A (very large) NUTSHELL!!!
by Rydia Highwind



Part Three: Enter the Disney Songs!

Golbez: G'damnit! Cecil's a Paladin!

Kain: That pretty white armor is most lovely on him.

Golbez: Stop lusting after him and kill him!

Kain: Aww, can't you send the beetle dude?

Golbez: He's already in Baron, impersonating the king.

Kain: What about wind woman?

Valvalis: I LOVE YOU, KAIN!

Golbez: She seems to be attached to your leg.

Kain: DAMN YOU, WOMAN, STOP HUMPING ME!

Valvalis: But you're cute!

Kain: Well, what about Volcano Head?

Golbez: He's busy destroying Eblan.

Kain: Well, Valvalis won't get off my leg.

Golbez: Cecil seems to be going back to Baron anyway, so Kainazzo can kill him.

Kain: Yay! I'll be playing Super Mario Brothers now.



MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH...ER, HOUSE OF WISHES, THAT IS...



Elder: Well, by cheese, he actually did it.

Cecil: Yup! Cause I'm spiffy!

Porom: No, cause I pushed the scary thing off the cliff.

Cecil: Well, there was that....

Tellah: Anyway, we have to avenge Anna!

Cecil: Who the hell is Anna?

Tellah: My daughter!

Cecil: Why do we have to avenge her?

Tellah: Because we do!

Cecil: Oh, okay.

Tellah: Oh, by the way, I learned how to drop meteors on people. Your daddy taught me.

Cecil: He was such a nice dude. Too bad I have no memory of him whatsoever.

Elder: Are you leaving yet?

Cecil: Oh, right!

Palom: I'm going with you, dude! IHOW sucks!

Tellah: IHOW?

Palom: Yeah, the International House Of Wishes.

Tellah: Oh.

Porom: I guess that means I'm going to. I seem to be my brother's keeper.

Cecil: Wasn't that Kain?

Tellah: Shut up with the Biblical references! This game was made in Japan, dammit!

Cecil: What's Japan?

Tellah: Beats me.

Palom: ANYWAY. SERPENT ROAD.

Serpent Road: HISS!

Cecil: So! It was Serpent Road hissing at us on Mount Ordeals!

Porom: ...If you say so, Cecil.

Cecil: What?

People of Baron: Hey, it's that dude that was once a dark knight!

Cecil: Hey, it's me!

People of Baron: Cid is in jail!

Cecil: ...Drat. Any of you got an airship handy?

People of Baron: No! Why don't you try rescuing him!

Cecil: Hmm. That could work.

Yang: Hello, I do not know who you are. I shall now proceed beat the living daylights out of you.

Cecil: Um, you suck!

Yang: I do? Oh, hi Cecil.

Tellah: Let's sneak into the palace and rescue Cid!

Porom: Sure, why not?

Palom: Got nothing better to do.

Cecil: Hey! If I yell loud enough, my voice echoes! Neat!

Yang: Will you be quiet?! We're trying to sneak!

Cecil: ...Oh. Right, sorry.

King: Hey! Cecil! You're a Paladin! Being a Paladin is BAD.

Cecil: I thought stealing was bad..

King: Who the hell told you that?

Cecil: Rosa!

King: Rosa is a ho!

Cecil: What's it to you!

King: How would I know? I'm not really the king.

Palom: Oooooh, suspense!

Cecil: Gasp! I did not see that coming forty-seven miles away!

King: I am...BEETLE MAN!!!!

Tellah: Oh, the horror!

Cecil: Porom! Push it off a cliff!

Porom: You moron, there's no cliff to push it off from.

Cecil: Damnation! How do we defeat it then?!

Palom: Remember what Daddy told you on the mountain?

Cecil: "FLASH!"?

Palom: After that..

Cecil: "Use your sword, my moronic son..."?

Palom: That's the one.

Cecil: ....OH! So I should...use my sword!

Palom: Good work, Speedy!

Cecil: Hey, my name is Cecil, not Speedy!

Kainazzo: You guys look....DEHYDRATED!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Palom: Look! Yang peed his pants! Ha, ha!

Yang: ...I did not!!

Cecil: Let me get this straight. If you're not the king...then who is?

Tellah: Spooky, man.

Palom and Porom: NO KING! NO KING! LA, LA, LA, LA, LAAAAAA, LA!

Cecil: IDIOTS! THERE WILL BE A KING!!

Palom: But you said, uh...

Cecil: I WILL BE KING! STICK WITH ME AND...

Tellah: ...and I will beat you with my staff if you don't stop quoting Disney.

Cecil: No..!! Not the staff!! I'm sorry, master, it won't happen again!

Kainazzo: I ate the king. There is no king.

Cecil: I WILL BE KING!!

Tellah: SHUT UP.

Cecil: Ow, ow! Sorry!!

Kainazzo: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Yang: He...spontaneously combusted.

Palom: I like using Nuke.

Porom: Oh, good Gaia, who in their right mind would level you up that high?!

Author: Hello.

Porom: Oh, dear Bahamut. Save us all.


That was...slow. Sorry 'bout that. x.o;;; My weirdo muses are evil. R&R!!!! O_o;;; I really must apologize...for...that. ::points at story:: Ye gods..