Raphael reflects
A Tenshi ni Narumon fanficBy Melissa Smith
January 2nd, 2002
The final words of my song died on my lips as I heard that human boy- Yuusuke, was it?- shouting and chasing a flying golden disk. I knew all too well what it was. Noelle's halo, and quite possibly the object that would take Mikael away from me forever. I shook the thought away, trying not to think of the blue-haired would-be angel.
It's his own test- he no longer needs my assistance, I thought, my thoughts surprisingly calm and sober.
"I am no longer listening to your advice."
Those words rang in my ears. Although I knew that my purpose here had only been to assist Mikael until he himself took complete control of the situation- for better or for worse- it still stung to realize how quickly I'd been cast aside.
Yuusuke ran past me without noticing my presence, and started up the flight of stairs. Watching him for a moment, I wondered how he would fair against Mikael's sudden fanaticism.
Oh Mikael… beautiful Mikael… did any one ever tell you how great an angel you could be? And he would make a great angel- a beautiful angel that would be able to reassure anyone in their time of need. I could only hope and pray that he would become the angel he and I had both dreamed of.
Then again, the more I sat here to myself, thinking everything over, I couldn't help but think that perhaps my reasoning there was a bit selfish. I wanted to stay with Mikael. No; I wanted Mikael to stay with me.
And maybe that was what I had always wanted- No! Raphael, stop thinking like that! You are above falling in love, especially with the likes of an unstable boy who may not even become an angel in the first place! I scolded myself.
Too late, I thought solemnly after a moment. I've pretty much confessed to him already that I loved him; whether I realized it or not was my problem.
I looked up at the ethereal steps, wondering if my friend would need my help. Wondering if he would welcome my help. I continued sitting in the windowsill of the tower, though, and after a while I could hear more footsteps heading up the stairwell. Noelle's family, followed by the human girl whose face I recognized so well. Her name was Suzuhara Natsumi, and she had dreamed of me for many nights, wished and hoped for my presence, not knowing I was not who she wanted.
She stopped for a heart-rending moment, looking right at me, and I knew she saw me. I turned to face her as she whispered the name of her long-dead brother, and the look of shock on her face was so great that I couldn't help but smile, sending a silent prayer up to Heaven on her behalf. Natsumi looked at me with such an earnest expression, and even I couldn't help but be caught up in the intensity of that one, single moment, even though I knew that I was no longer the boy whose name she spoke so reverently. I hoped that my smile could somehow give her closure, and then she looked away when someone in the family called her name.
She looked back briefly but I could tell that she could no longer see me or sense my presence. Good, I thought. This means that she'll be okay, she doesn't need to cling to her past.
Natsumi took off running, and I knew I'd never see her again, but somewhere deep inside I would carry memories of her face, her smile, and her love for her brother.
Turning to look back at the towering stairs lit by candlelight, I listened and watched what was going on up there for a moment.
I thought about what it meant to be an angel, and whether anyone up in Heaven would really mind if I interfered a bit more than I had already.
And, I thought, musing the idea over in my mind, maybe I'm supposed to go up there now and offer him a bit of advice in a time of need. Smirking, I spread my single wing, waited a moment to catch my balance, and then took off, flying up to meet my blue-haired love.
