HoldingOn5.html (A/N) Wow, I got this one typed up faster than I normally do, thanks to all those good ideas sent to me (thanks ^_^). Anyway, not much big happens in this chapter, but now I have ideas for the upcoming parts, so I hope it turns out well.
Oh, an extra warning besides the obvious Taito is there are some limish scenes in this, but nothing out of hand.
Anyway, can't think of anything else to say, so on with the fic...!
Disclaimer: Guess what?... that's right! I *don't* own these characters from digimon! Surprised?

Holding On: Part 5

In everyone's life there comes a point where they have to make an important decision, and when it all comes down to it, that decision is the choice between life or death. Will you live for another day or will you give up and die? This dilemma is now waiting for me to choose my path, but how will I know which is the correct way to go? I choose... not to die, for death will not solve my problems or anyone else's. But I do not quite choose life yet either. With life comes mistakes, cruelty and pain. I do not choose death and I do not choose life. I will remain between until one or the other is forced upon me. That is my decision.

~*~

Tai's POV

Ten minutes. Ten minutes before I get out of this boring as hell English class. Another ten minutes to pack up and run over to his house. Yama-chan... so much more interesting to daydream about my angel than to pay attention to whatever lesson the teacher is trying to make us learn today. English has never been my strong point, and never will be. Better to dream... those icy blue eyes that suck at my very soul, so deep and emotional, like drowning in the deepest ocean. His golden halo of hair, soft to the touch, I can run my fingers through it for hours. Everything about my Yama is perfect, from his delicate pale skin to his soft, moist lips to his long slender fingers, so graceful and gentle. I can picture him at this very moment, and hear his light, smooth voice calling my name...

"Taichi..." So beautiful, with a musical quality added to it.

"Taichi!..." Wait a minute, since when did his voice sound like... "YAGAMI TAICHI!" ...Like my teacher.

"Ah! Oh... um... yes Sensei?" My attention is snapped back to the present as giggles run through the room. Once again I am caught daydreaming, and if I were anybody else but me I would probably be very humiliated, but since I am me, well... I'm used to it, happens all the time.

The crabby, old lady glared at me through her tiny narrow glasses that were perched at the end of her nose. I swear she hates me more than anyone I know, she's the reason I've broken the school's record for detentions, for which, by the way, I'm very proud of. "Yagami, I've told you over and over to pay attention in class. You're turning into a grade 'A' moron with this attitude of yours. Did you not hear the announcement? You've been called down to the office young man, now hustle your bustle and get a move on. Don't try my patience today!" What a bitch. She's the only person I know who still uses that strange phrase, 'hustle your bustle' and the only teacher I know that would call one of her students a moron!

"Uh... gomen Sensei, I must have missed that. I'll be going now..." Why would the office call me down? I swear I haven't done anything *that* bad lately! Secretly jumping for joy at being able to escape from this hell hole, I quickly gather up my books and walk out of the classroom as the teacher starts back on with her lecture.

At the office desk the secretary, a very nice lady whom I've gotten to know really well over the years of being sent here, directed me straight to the principle's room. When I got in there, kind of nervous as to what exactly I had done, the principle pointed to a chair across from him. He didn't look angry, that had to be a good sign, right? "Ah, Yagami, I needed to talk to you about one of your friends that supposedly still goes to this school, Ishida Yamato I do believe." He was always one to get right to the point.

Relieved that I wasn't in any trouble, but still curious and nervous as to why he wanted to talk about Yamato, I hesitantly ask, "Yeah, I know him. What about Yam- Matt?" I have to remember not to use his nickname in public yet, to most people we're just friends. Don't need to make things any more complicated than they already are.

The principle shuffled through some papers, "Hmm, yes... well then, you most likely know about the fact that he has been missing a large portion of his education?" I nodded dubiously, wondering what was going on. Yes, Yamato has missed an awful lot of school lately, actually it's more like over a month of it. But I thought he had it all talked to them about it. "Good. Then you must understand how far he is falling behind. Ishida's grades were not good to begin with, and now it is getting almost too late to catch up in time."

"Yeah..." I said slowly, trying to figure this out as we went along, "He told me there was an understanding or something that you guys worked out about his absence. You know, with the situation and all..."

"Did he now? Well, if he worked something out, he has not shared it with me. I do not believe that anything was worked out, and he has still missed too many classes to catch up. I know very well his situation, but it has been over two months. I have heard that he is healed fine, and if he wanted he could have chosen to do schooling at his home if he had a problem with coming to the school." He raised an eyebrow at me as all I could do was stare in shock. Yama, my Yama, was lying to me? He told me, I remember very clearly his exact quote, 'Don't worry Taichi, everything's worked out with the school,' Why the hell would he lie about that? To *me*?

Finally I shook my head as I realized I was still in the office, and found my voice, "Uhm, oka~ay... what are you telling me this for?"

"Well since you are a very close friend of his, and I heard you've been helping him out, I thought maybe you should talk to him about this. He needs to start doing his work and studying as soon as possible to make up his lost time. And it's too late for him to do it at home as well, as we could not keep track at the speed he is progressing there not to mention no teacher help. He needs to start coming to school."

"And if he doesn't?"

"If he doesn't, Ishida would have to repeat this grade over. Simple as that, but hard for him for his future."

"Fine. I'll talk to him." Oh I was going to talk to him alright. I can't believe this. I already knew he was afraid of coming back to school, but he didn't have to lie to me about it! And I swear I am going to get him back here on monday even if I had to literally drag his ass down here. Good thing today is Friday, I'm going to need the whole weekend to convince him. With a quick bow to the principle, I got out of there as fast as I could. The bell had already gone a few minutes ago and the hallways were almost empty as I made my way to my locker. I quickly put in the combination to the lock and swung the metal door open, shoved in my books, pulled out a few I would need for homework, and slammed it shut again. By the time I was out of the school doors, I was fuming with anger and disappointment. Damnit Yama, I thought you trusted me by now.

~*~

Matt's POV

The afternoon sun shone through the open window with a breeze that ruffled the pages of the book I was reading. It was a beautiful day out, and I was enjoying it through a window as well as I could, unwilling to go outside without Taichi around. All in all, I was in a very good mood today. No headaches, no pills (until I go to bed that is), and a very relaxing day. The best thing was that Taichi would be here any minute now. He was staying over here until Sunday when his parents got home from their visit. From what I heard, Taichi's father is not very happy at all with the way his son just left like that when his grandmother was most likely dying. As a punishment for now, until they get back and can think of a worse one, Taichi has to go to school which he would have gotten to miss out if he had stayed with his parents. I didn't mind that though, the rest of the time Taichi was with me. For the past week we've been ordering out for food, and cuddling on the couch all night in front of the television, watching some action movie or something. I love the way my wonderful koi holds me in his arms every night, the way he rakes his gentle fingers through my hair and sends little butterfly kisses down my neck. Taichi can be the most romantic guy when he wants to be.

The door to the apartment slams shut and I quickly place the bookmark in my novel and sit up in the couch from where I had been lying all day. It's strange how I can stay there for hours on end now and feel no need to move. No will to do anything. It almost scares me. I peek over the back of the couch to see Taichi's back as he takes off his shoes and turns around to face me. The smile I had ready for him disappears as I see his face, "Something wrong Taichi?" He looks almost angry.

Taichi's chocolate-brown eyes, now hardened with some strong emotion, glare into my own, "Yes there's something wrong! You!"

"Me?" I repeat weakly. Why is he mad at me? My heart tightens in sudden fear, he's not having doubts... is he? Why is he mad? What did I do? Shit...

"Yes you! You lied to me! You fucking lied about school, you don't trust me! I should say there's something wrong!" Taichi throws his pack down and storms closer, shaking with anger.

Oh no... this is bad. I don't remember lying... he's mad at me. He doesn't think I trust him. Oh Taichi, I trust you, I do, I trust you... don't be mad. What did I do? I haven't lied to you... please don't be mad. All that comes out of my tightened jaw is a small whimper, I've never seen him in such a rage since he tried to kill Seb for me. Does this mean he hates me now? Oh God... no, he can't hate me, what did I do? I trust him! What did I do?

"How could you... Yamato? Yama, you alright?" His voice has suddenly changed to concern, why? He's mad at me, I did something wrong. He's going to leave me again... What... oh man, why do I feel so dizzy? My chest is so tight, and the room is starting to spin. I can faintly feel a pair of hands grab my shoulders, "Holy shit, Yamato! What the hell?! You're not breathing! Calm down! Take a breath, come on!" Oh.. so that's what's wrong with me. I can't breath... I can't *breath* Ow, my lungs are burning, but they just won't work. Something's wrong with my vision...

"YAMA-CHAN! Snap out of it man!" And just like that the oxygen rushes into my lungs again. Spots dance before my eyes as I gasp for more air, and my whole body feels weak, limp. What happened? Even I don't know. He's still hanging on to me as if his life depends on it, or mine, "Yama-chan, are you okay? Oh man, I'm so sorry..."

"Let go of me!" Did I just say that? I didn't mean to... Or maybe I did. I don't know, I just feel very confused right now.

Taichi let go slowly, his eyes reflecting hurt and disappointment. He leans back slightly, "Yama... I... you..." He seemed just as confused as me.

My voice comes out choked, like I'm trying not to cry, "I didn't lie... I didn't... I trust you Taichi... I do... please believe me." He avoids my gaze. "You... you *don't* believe me?" I feel sick... what did I do? Why won't he look at me?

"I don't... know. I'm sure you said... something about having it all worked out with the school about your situation. But the principle talked to me... he says you haven't told him a thing. Sounds like a lie to me." Taichi mutters, fidgeting with his hands.

I told him... oh. School. Suddenly I felt like laughing, hysterically that is, "I... I did have it all worked out Taichi. I didn't lie..."

His large eyes blink at me in surprise, "But... he said..."

My body almost relaxed finally. I can't believe how worked up I got over this! If I had just asked in the first place instead of just assuming the worse... "I never said it was worked out to the school's satisfaction. I worked out that I wasn't going back to school and they could just kiss my ass goodbye."

Taichi just stares at me for a few long moments, then his face finally breaks out into his humorous grin that I love so much, "You worked that out huh? And I thought... oh man, this is too funny," And just as suddenly the grin disappears, replaced with a guilty frown, "Gomen nasai, Yama-chan. I shouldn't have accused you like that, I'm really sorry. I just thought... well there's no excuse, I should have kept my temper in check and asked you about it first. Can you forgive me?" Taichi looked into my eyes with that puppy dog expression that makes me melt everytime. How can I not forgive him?

"I love you Taichi, of course I forgive you. You just really had me scared there, you know? I thought you... you were going to... to..." I sigh and look away, unwilling to say it out loud lest I jinx our relationship. What started out as a wonderful day has gone down hill so fast I can barely remember what was so good about it. I can feel Taichi's sorrowful gaze on me, but I don't feel like talking anymore. My eyes fall on the book beside me and I snatch it up, flipping to the marked page.

"Angel... I promised you, remember. I'd never leave you for something so silly." I feel his body move closer to mine and he wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him. Doesn't he know how easily promises can be broken? I give him a slight nod and try to focus on the words in front of me which seem to be blurring for some odd reason. "Yama-chan, don't do this now, please? I said I was sorry and I'm not going to leave you."

I keep staring at the book, unable to make sense of the words, and answer emotionlessly so that he can't hear my tension, "Do what?"

Taichi sighs and shifts, then promptly grabs the book from my hands and throws it onto the table. I don't care, it wasn't like I was really reading it anyway. "Doing this! Ignoring me and the rest of the world. You do it every time you don't want to talk about something, but it's just hurting you more to keep it in. Talk to me, Angel... please!"

"About what?" I've always been very stubborn, and this is no exception. If I don't feel like talking, then I'm not going to, and that's all there is to it. Taichi doesn't need to hear any more of my problems, it just makes him worry more than he should.

"About..." He pauses as he shifts his hold once more, then continues on the one subject I despise, "School. Yes, we're going to talk about you going to school on Monday. You have the principal worried about your future with the way you keep missing classes. And I'll bet money on the fact that your dad has no idea how you're skipping out on school, right?"

With a tired sigh, I try to explain to him, "Look Taichi, I really don't need this. I've been through too much, and just want to..."

"Give up? Let the public scare you for the rest of your life? You can't keep hiding Yama, if you want to feel better and get over some of your phobias you have to get out there and face the world instead of cowering here in your hole." Taichi cut me off, sounding just as stubborn and frustrated as me.

Hiding? Cowering? What the hell does he know? I shove away to tell Taichi just that, he has no right to be judging what I do with my life. If I want to hide from everyone, then I can and will. He has no idea how hard it is for me to face strangers, *he* wasn't the one who was beaten and raped.

Kneeling at the opposite end of the couch from Taichi, I give him my icyest glare, the one that always makes him nervous from what he's told me, and prepare to give him a piece of my mind. Then I get a look at his face which is set as hard as mine and all that comes out of my mouth is, "Fuck you!" And not wanting to see his reaction I jump up and run into my room, slamming the door shut with a bang. I only take the time to lock it before I fall down on my butt in the middle of the floor. What the hell is wrong with me? Did I just... did I just swear at my boyfriend?

"Yama-chan?" Taichi's worried voice comes through the door, accompanied with a small knock. What am I supposed to say? I didn't mean to get that upset! I'm not even angry with Taichi at all, why was I acting so stupid? I quickly reach up to wipe some wetness off my cheek before I realize what I'm doing. Wait a minute... tears... damnit, now I'm crying. I'm such a baby, a fucking stubborn and heartless baby. "Yama-chan, let me in. Please?" Curling up in a fetal position on my moderately clean floor, I silently listen to Taichi's soft voice as tears slide out of my eyes. Why do I have to be so stubborn? I should just let him in and apologize. He was only trying to help me after all. I shouldn't have yelled, I shouldn't have been such a bastard. I can't believe I started a fight so soon after he got back. Stupid baka... Taichi... I'm sorry... I should make this up to him, I have to back down before I hurt us both.

Wiping the last tears from my face I stand up and unlock the door which is immediately shoved open as Taichi stares at me for a moment with wide eyes before grabbing me into his arms. I obligingly rest my face in his shoulder as he squeezes the breath from my body, muttering from where his face was buried in my hair, "I thought... oh Yama-chan, you had me so worried. Don't ever do that again, okay? I'm sorry... I'm sorry... don't scare me like that... I love you, I only want what's best for you. I won't tell you what to do anymore, just don't run off like that."

I listen patiently for him to finish with his guilt trip, and keep my face in his shirt even after he loosens his grip finally. Then it's my turn, "Ai shiteru Taichi. I shouldn't have done that, sorry. I'll go to school." I mumble into him without moving, but Taichi lifts me up easily and carries me back over to the couch so we can sit.

"You sure?" I nod firmly and he sighs, sounding relieved. "Thank you Angel. And don't you worry, it'll be different than last time we tried this. I know what to expect this time and I'll be right with you the whole time, okay?" With another nod I allow myself to relax, cuddling into my koi's warm body further. His arms wrap around me, one hand rubbing a slow circle on my back, "Ai shiteru, Yama-chan." I feel a loving smile tug at my mouth, and I let out a small, happy sigh. Maybe everything will be okay now that Taichi knows what I'm afraid of. He won't let anything hurt me for as long as he's around. I'll try to be stronger, for him and myself. He's right, I can't hide from the world, I have to do something if I ever want to get over myself.

Funny how I can be so exhausted from doing nothing all day. With that one last thought in my mind, I drift off into the darkness of my mind.

~~~**~~~

Small white-capped waves lap at the shore of a sandy beach. There's no one in sight for miles either way, and the only sounds are the waves and a few seabirds flying overhead. Alone. Shivering, I wrap my arms around myself, looking down the beach into the distance. I can see tiny dark forms of people down there, but they're so far away, I can't even hear their laughter from here. I'm completely alone here, not to mention cold and afraid. What am I doing at the beach? I don't remember coming, I'm just here. Something makes me look the other way and when I do I feel the familiar rise of fear. A dark alleyway has appeared out of nowhere, it makes no sense for it to be here, but it is. It's chilled, stale air reaches my nostrils, making me feel nauseous. Then, a few feet into the dark alley, a dark figure moves, and a low chuckle reaches my ears. Oh no... I know this... this is bad...

"Hey blondie..." His hoarse whisper mocks me as he takes a step closer. His features are hidden with shadow, but I know him. He's coming... he's coming to get me now that he's free. "Good to see ya again blondie. Come here will ya? Come to me blondie, you're mine now. You know that." No... no, I don't want to go to him. This isn't right, he's going to hurt me again. "Come on, don't keep me waiting. I'm very hungry." I can feel his evil grin directed at me. I don't want to feel the pain... please... But something seems to have taken control of my legs, they're moving me into the darkness, I'm not in control anymore. No... no... don't want to feel pain, help me... Another step closer, now he's laughing at me. A low, hollow laugh that chills me to the bones. He's going to hurt me...

Nothing I can do... he's pulling me in. I can feel myself giving up the struggle, knowing the pain is inevitable. The darkness is about to swallow me whole, nothing... I can... do.

"Yama-chan! Where're you going? I thought we were going to have a picnic. Stop fooling around," A pair of arms grab me from behind, instantly pulling me out of the dark alley, back onto the beach. Surprised at my sudden release from pain, I turn around to face a bright pair of chocolate-brown eyes. Taichi's cheerful grin gives way to a childish laugh as he tugs again at my arm, "Stop standing there Yama, we're going to have a wonderful day. Look, the sun is out!" And sure enough I look up to find the blue sky totally devoid of any sign of clouds.

Warmth, I can feel it. I'm not alone here, he's come back, my Taichi is here again. All fear leaves my body as I let out a sudden laugh at his attempts to get me to the picnic blanket. "Race ya there!" I giggle, sprinting ahead. Taichi yells out behind me as he races after me, laughing as he tries to catch up. The wind, not so cold anymore, rushes through my hair, making me feel glad to be alive. Alive. Yes, I'm living, no pain. I slide onto the blanket, Taichi right beside me. Breathing hard, I stare into his eyes once again, then gasp as he pulls me into his arms. I feel his warm kisses against my neck, running up to my cheek. It feels so good... so good to be with my Taichi like this. His lips head back down to my bare chest, and I let out another gasp of pure pleasure when he catches a nipple in his mouth.

"Taichi..."
"mmm, yes Angel?"
"Take me... take me now..."

~~~**~~~

My eyes fly open as I try to sit up, only to find the weight of an arm holding me down. Bright afternoon sunlight fills the living room as I struggle to comprehend what was going on. What the hell was I dreaming? Taichi... oh God... I want him so bad. Shit... get a hold of yourself, it was a dream! A dream? Holy shit, I was dreaming, and it didn't end up with me freaking out! Quite the opposite actually. "TAICHI! Wake up! Wake up, Taichi!" I finally get past his limp arm and start shaking him until he groans.

His eyes blink open slowly and he stares at me, apparently confused and still half asleep. Then I got him to wake up fully, "I slept Taichi, I forgot to take a pill!"

Taichi sits up in a hurry, "What? You forgot...? Oh shit, shit! Are you alright? Oh Yama, I'm sorry, I forgot! You okay? Oh man..."

"Taichi! I'm fine!" I cut him off as he looks about to beat himself up. Then I smile at him as Taichi suddenly shuts up with his mouth hanging wide open. He blinks at me some more, then suddenly it dawns on him.

"You're... fine? You mean you didn't dream?"

I shake my head, "Nope, I dreamt."

"You did? But... Oh! You... Oh wow! So it was a good dream? That's great?" Taichi grins as he finally gets the point. "What'd you dream about?"

"Well it started out pretty bad, almost went into my nightmare... but then..." I stop, then feel my cheeks heat up as I finally recall how my dream ended exactly. What was I thinking? Why would I want Taichi to 'take me' as I put it when sex was the source of all my problems?

Taichi gazes at me expectantly, "Then... what?" To my embarrassment, I flush even more, and quickly duck my head to try to hide my face in my long hair. "Yama-chan?" His fingers brush aside my bangs, then lifts my chin to look at me. When he sees my blush, one eyebrow raises questioningly, "Then what?" He repeats softly.

"Then... then you came... and... and well..." I just shrug helplessly, and I could swear that my whole face was as red as a tomato now. From his expression though, I'm pretty sure he got the reason behind my blushes.

"Oh... so... was it a good dream then?" His grin disappears as he inches his face foreward. All I can do is nod slightly as I feel his warm breath against my cheek. "That's... great..." His soft lips brush against my own, and I eagerly put my arms around his shoulders, one hand holding the back of his head, his doing the same. He pushed his lips against mine hard suddenly, making me gasp in surprise then in pleasure as Taichi took the opportunity to suck at my bottom lip. He's never done that before, but it feels so good. I can feel my lip swelling in response to his suckling and I let out an involuntary moan. My head is spinning in confusion and pleasure, and I can't even comprehend what's what right now, but I do know that this is something wonderful. His lips have left my mouth now, making their way down my chin, then my throat, his nose nudging into my skin. Lord... this feels... so good... I let out another moan as I rake my hands desperately through his thick hair, pulling him towards me as he starts to unbutton my shirt while sucking at the side of my neck where it just joins the shoulder. I can feel his teeth as they nip the skin, it doesn't hurt, just makes me groan for more. My mind is completely blank of all thoughts except for the need to have Taichi closer to me. My Taichi...

He had my shirt half way undone, his tongue flicking down my chest, when another voice penetrated the pleasure filled fog in my head. As reality suddenly struck me, I jerked away from Taichi, who did the same himself. For the first few moments we both stared at each other in complete mindless awe, breathing heavily and trying to grasp the meaning of what had just occurred. Then someone's throat cleared behind me and I reluctantly tore my gaze away from Taichi's intense one, my eyes falling on the form of my dad who was looking torn between amusement, shock, and embarrassment. Taichi must have come out of his daze as well as I heard him gasp and jump up from the couch, then just stood there staring at the floor.

Finally after minutes of uncomfortable silence I gathered up my courage and spoke as I shakily rebuttoned my shirt, "Dad... uh... we were... I mean... What're you doing here?" I stuttered, surprised at how my voice trembled, not with fear but with after emotions of what we had just about done.

"Uh..." My dad cleared his throat again, leaning against a wall, "Well, I live here... as far as I know. Work cleared out early so I thought I'd come home and see how you were holding up. Of course by the looks of it..." He trailed off with a wave of his hand.

"Oh..." More silence.

Taichi suddenly looked up, "Okay, well... I need to get some homework done, I'll be in the bedroom if anyone needs me." He gave me a small grin before darting out of the room. Homework my ass, he's probably freaking over what my father's going to say about this. I've never seen his face look so pale, Taichi's that is.

An amused chuckle brings my attention back to my dad and I catch him grinning at Taichi's retreating form. Then he walks over and sits in his favorite chair across from me. We stare at each other some more, then I open my mouth to explain but he cuts me off with a wave, "No, no. I don't want to hear what happened. I just want to know one thing," He stops until I give him a nod, "Did you *want* that to happen, or were you feeling forced into it."

"Oh... I wanted it, I guess. He didn't force me Dad, I was very willing. Don't know why though..." I shook my head confused. Up until now I couldn't even think of sex without feeling sick or like passing out. Now I had almost gone through with it after thinking I never would go further then kissing Taichi for the rest of my life. I wasn't completely horrified with the thought, still nervous now, put not petrified with fear like before. "How... how long were you standing there?"

"Not long, just enough to see what the situation was. You two were completely out of it, you hadn't even heard the door slam shut when I first saw the display." He grinned again, and I knew everything was alright. My dad's pretty cool when it comes to my relationship with Taichi, for which I was very surprised at. I had always been sure he would never approve, so I hadn't told him. He actually found out by accident after Taichi came over to confess his love to me, but he was okay with it after we talked.

"Thanks Dad." I gave him an appreciative smile as I stood up, "I better go make sure Taichi's not banging his head against a wall or something."

"Alright Matt, but for future reference... I'd rather not see that sort of thing on my couch." My smile turned into a grin as I nodded. "And Matt?" I turn around to see a serious look on his face.

"Yeah?"

"You be careful. Don't do anything if you feel pressured or don't think you can handle it okay?" I nod again, then walk over to my bedroom. Of course I'll be careful. Taichi wouldn't do anything I didn't want to do anyway, and I would definitely let him know if I was in opposition to certain actions. That was something I couldn't help anyway.

~*~

Tai's POV

Well I wasn't banging my head against a wall, I'm more mature than that! And what was I doing instead? Hiding. Yes, I had jumped straight into Yamato's bed and pulled the sheets way over my head, hiding from Mr. Ishida, shame and guilt. Actually, you can never hide from guilt, and I found out this soon enough after I got comfortable under the hot, stuffy blankets. What the hell did I think I was doing? I took advantage of my beautiful, frightened Yama, that's what I did! After all that he had been through he's been scared to death of anything more than mouth to mouth kissing, and there I go and try to have sex on the fucking couch! I blew it... I blew it all to hell. Why am I so god damned impatient? Just because he was turning red from some dream that focused on me and him did not mean he wanted to make out right then. I read to much in his expression, I'm sure of it. I wonder if he's going to trust me enough to ever want to be alone with me again.

I was just running out of breath in the airless nest I had made for myself when the blankets were whipped off of me and I found myself staring up at a pair of blinking azure eyes. They didn't look too angry with me or frightened of me, but maybe I just can't read expressions that well.

"What're you doing?" Yamato asked, still standing in the same spot by the bed.

"Uh... hiding, I guess." Was my weak response. Why was he even here talking with me after what I'd done?

The blonde just nodded slightly and sat down on the edge of his bed with a sigh, "Oh. Don't worry, my dad's not going to kill you. He just warned us not to let him catch us on his couch again."

"Oh." I repeated, suddenly interested in staring my hands. Was that all he was worried about? No... I have to apologize, I shouldn't have let myself get out of control like that. I opened my mouth to tell him how sorry I was when I was cut off.

"Thank you Taichi." My mouth stayed open as I looked up quickly. Did he just *thank* me? For what? Yamato wasn't looking at me though, he was studying the ring I had given him, turning it on his finger with the other hand.

Finally I found my voice, "For... for what?"

Yamato sighed again, still avoiding my gaze, "Well... for everything. For just being here for me. And I know that... that you're blaming yourself for what happened before my dad walked in on us. I just want you to know that, well... I was enjoying then and you didn't force me and... and it made me realize just how much I really do love you. You've been willing all this time to put up with my stupid problems... so... thank you..."

I had been silent for his small speech and now just stared at him even harder. So I... didn't take advantage of him? He was in agreement with what we had just about done? And to top it off, he's thanking me. Lord, I really don't deserve him in the least. He still loves me. And... I love him more than ever before. He's had to put up with more crap from me than I ever had from him. "You know me too well Yama-chan. But I'll just say you're welcome. And thank *you*." The blue eyes widened a bit and finally looked back at me. When he didn't move I reached over and pulled him down beside me, letting the pale face bury into my shirt, "Oh Angel, you're so beautiful... so wonderful. How did I ever capture your heart? Sometimes it still feels like I'm dreaming this all up. I love you Yama-chan, my Angel." Then I heard him sniffle and felt dampness soaking into my shirt, "Yama-chan? Are you okay?"

The blonde head came away and he looked at me with bright tearfilled eyes, and smiled, choking on the words as he whispered, "Y-yeah... Taichi... oh Taichi... I... I... m'sorry... about earlier... I w-was so mean. Tai-Taichi~i..." He pressed his tear streaked face once more against my chest, sobbing my name over and over.

I didn't know what to say, all I could do was hold him as he cried and whisper forgiving and loving words to him. My poor Yama, he's been through so much. Sometimes I forget how hard this must be for him. I wish... I wish I could just go back in time and take away all his pain before it began. Slowly his sobs begin to reside as he takes a couple of deep breaths. Reaching a hand up, I gently brush back his damp bangs and lift his chin so I can look into his eyes. Those are the feature I love most, his beautiful, ocean deep sapphires that now stare back at me admirably. I could spend eternity staring into their depths and never grow bored. I notice the wet tracks that run down the side of his cheek and without thinking, dip my face down to wipe them away with my lips, licking the salty taste away with my tongue. Yamato's quiet for this, but lifts his face to give me better access, sighing with contentment. Sometimes I *can* do certain things right.

After his face was dry to my satisfaction, I lick my lips one more time and kiss his forehead softly before bringing my head back to look into his eyes once again. They look calmer now, not so full of grief, but still filled to the brink with love and wonder. I smile, and he smiles back, "Taichi... you're so sweet. Stay with me always?" His whisper is so soft I can hardly hear it, but I smile even more lovingly when I do. Yamato seems to always need to hear me promise him over and over that I won't leave. I understand. He trusts me, but it makes him feel better to hear it out loud.

"Ai shiteru, Angel. I promise to stay with you forever." We both know forever means for as long as I can, but we like the sound of it better. It's more reassuring. Yamato smiles again and snuggles into me, as I wrap him tighter in my embrace. As long as I live, I promise myself to protect my Yamato. I can't even believe anymore that I ever denied him love to begin with, but now I'm slowly making up for hurting my koi. My captivating, golden Angel.

We both really weren't that tired anymore after the nap we had a little earlier, so after a half hour more of lying in each other's arms, Yamato finally pulled away again and looked up at me. His eyes glittered with happiness as he hugged me and smiled a little up at me, "Taichi?"

"Mm?" I traced a finger along his smooth cheek absently as I looked into his eyes. I wonder if it's a sin to look so breathtakingly beautiful.

Yamato closed his eyes part way as my finger slid along his chin, then shook his head slightly, "I... do you have homework?" What a way to kill the mood.

Confused, I just grin and nod a bit, "Yeah... some. Why?"

"Oh. I guess you should do it then right?" He looked slightly unsure of himself, and clutched onto my shirt with his hands.

"Well... I've got all weekend for that Angel. I repeat, why?"

Yamato sighed and leaned back, studying me as he answered in a shy tone, "Well... I was wondering if... well you're in most of my classes, and... and I need to catch up some. Could you help me? I mean if you don't want to-" I cut him off with my finger across his lips as I smile in understanding. He really is going to go to school on Monday, although I don't know how much good I'll be for helping him with homework as my grades are just barely in the passing zone.

"Of course I'll help you Yama-chan. You don't need to ask. Come on, I have most of my books here, I'll show you what you missed and where we're at, okay?" I sit up slowly, bringing Yamato's thin body up with me as he smiles brightly and nods.

In a few minutes time we were both sitting on the floor in front of a text book, Yama resting his head against my shoulder as I tried to explain some of the concepts that we had learned in math class. We stayed like that for hours, as Yamato was very determined to know what was happening in all of his classes. Then at some point much later, I yawned deeply and noticed how the sun was completely set. Looking down at Yama, my arm wrapped around his body, I noticed as well how his eyes were now closed, his head drooping until it was almost in my lap. Quietly I shut the book we had been working on and lifted him up. I set Yamato on the bed gently before crawling in beside him, his peace only disturbed by a small sleepy groan before he settled right down. His face looked so contented, no hint of pain in his smooth features. I'm sure that once in a while he'll still have that old nightmare, but at least he can now get some good night's sleep. Maybe he'll even dream of me again tonight. I'll certainly dream of him.

~*~

(A/N) Aww! hehe, oh well... It was okay, right? Anyway, I'm working on the next part, but it's hard to write a lot with my exams coming up. I'll try to get it up soon though! And those reviews certainly help!