Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything here but the plot, and sadly
never will.
~*~
Holding On: Part 8
~*~
Tai's POV
It was the burning sunlight leaking through the cracks of the blinds that woke me up the next day, my head pounding in protest against the brightness. With a groan I try to turn over in bed, only to find out I'm not in one but on a chair where I must have fallen asleep the night before while looking after Yamato. Damn, no wonder my back is killing me. Finally figuring that I won't get comfortable enough to fall to sleep again I open my eyes a crack to scan the room. My gaze falls on a puff of golden hair sticking out from under the blankets on the bed where Yama is trying to hide from the sun. A smile finds its way to my face as I watch the lump move slightly with my love's even breathes of sleep, then I tenderly reach over to run a hand through his soft locks of gold, enticing a small sigh from my koi's blanketed form. I guess I should just let him sleep; he needs it, especially after last night. From the exhausted state he was in yesterday night, or very early this morning, I bet he sleeps 'till really late in the day today. Maybe he'll feel a lot better about everything when he wakes up again. I hope so anyway.
There was a small knock on the door before it slowly creaked open and a blonde head poked through. When Takeru saw that I was awake and watching him, he gave me a grin and slid all the way into the room. "You're finally up! How's my brother?" He asked while sitting on the chair across from me.
I give him a reassuring smile, "Not bad. He's still sleeping, probably won't get up until noon or something."
The younger boy gives me a strange look and a small laugh, "Tai, it is noon. That's why I came to see if you were hungry or something. When I was here half an hour earlier you were both knocked out cold." I just blink in surprise. I'm never one to sleep in that late when I'm in such an uncomfortable position, I guess last night wore me out as well. "Anyway, don't worry about it, food is on the way. I left Dais in the line at the cafeteria. He'll bring us some sandwiches and stuff soon."
With a nod I lean back in my chair and let out a large yawn, then grumble as my stomach starts making its own noise, "well he better hurry up, I'm starving." I wince as the bump on the back of my head hits the chair, and have to shift to get comfortable again. I had taken quite a hit from that gang on my head, but fortunately they hadn't cracked my skull or anything stupid like that. All I needed was to take it easy and carry around a bottle of Tylenol with me. My jaw was still a little stiff as well, but it wasn't as bad as I had first thought, just bruised. Yamato was a little worse off than me, with bruises covering his stomach, ribs and arms from where he had been beat up by Seb.
"A little help here people!" A muffled yell was heard through the door and Takeru scrambled out of his chair to open it. Daisuke came strutting into the room carrying two trays full of sandwiches and juice boxes, grinning as he set them down on the small table by the bed, "It's okay everybody, the great Daisuke is here, you're saved from the horrible slow death of starvation! No pictures please! Man you wouldn't believe how expensive that place is for this crap they call food. Oh, by the way, here's your wallet back Tai!"
I caught my wallet with a yelp as it was tossed my way, " Why the hell do you have this?!"
The irrepressible goggle headed boy gave me a 'what planet are you from'
look, "Like I said, the place
is expensive. I figured since you're going to eat half the food, you
can pay for half of it too. Besides, it's
nice to share." His grin widened as my face soured.
"Some would call it stealing." I grumble before grabbing the first plastic wrapped sandwich off of the closest tray. Baloney, how original. Oh well, I'm not picky when it comes to food.
As I finished unwrapping my lunch and started into it, Daisuke collapsed into the chair that Takeru had recently abandoned and happily grabbed his own sandwich. He pulled a face as he looked at the label, "Gross, egg salad." But he unwrapped it anyway, being a lot like I am.
Takeru, after a worried glance at his brother, gave a sigh and sat down on the floor in front of Daisuke, leaning back against the other's legs. He didn't touch the food. Of course, his boyfriend noticed this right away, as unobservant as he usually is, and leaned down to whisper in Takeru's ear. I couldn't hear what he said, but I'm guessing it was along the lines of what the matter was. Takeru shook his head silently, causing Daisuke to echo the blonde's earlier sigh and lean back while keeping his fingers running comfortingly through the blonde hair. The bright blue eyes turned my way with a pleading look in them, "Tai... Matt's going to be okay right? I mean... I heard about what happened last night from some excited nurse and all..."
"He'll be fine, he was just tired, that's all." I respond quietly, looking away so that he can't see my own concerned eyes. Why is he asking me a stupid question like that, he's the one with the crest of Hope after all, not me. But I swear I will make sure that Yamato will be okay with all that I have to give, I refuse to let him give up so easily.
Half an hour later, after we were finished munching on our lunch of cafeteria sandwiches, there was movement from the bed beside me. Ah, finally, the first sign of life. Eagerly I turned my attention away from the conversation I had been having with Takeru, anticipating the warm feeling of watching my koi wake up. The lump under the blankets moved, then went still. No, he wasn't quite still, he was shivering. Something's wrong, why wasn't he trying to come out from under his covers? It was like Yamato was afraid to come out or something... or maybe, maybe he's scared of where he is right now. Shit, I'd almost forgotten, he's claustrophobic. Most likely he doesn't even know where he is at the moment. Without another thought, I quickly reach over to free him from his latest nightmare. Don't worry my Yama, I'm here to help you through any problem as much as I possibly can.
***
Matt's POV
Soft voices were the first thing that I became aware of when my mind started to come back to me out of the dazed fog of sleep. A slight murmur, then someone let out a low giggle, continuing to talk quietly afterwards. I couldn't make out the words, but it was comforting to know that there were some people out there anyway. Maybe I should get up now, see who it is. Carefully I open my eyes and see... nothing. It was dark, but not the type of darkness that comes with night, it was instead a dark of an enclosed space. A deep, thick black that seems to surround your very soul and suffocate your mind. At least that's how it was to me, and that's one of the things I fear most. Fuck, where am I? Why is it dark? I want out, I want out now!
Trying to take a deep breath, and failing miserably, I reach up above me to try to figure out where I was. My hand hit something soft but unyielding. I couldn't get through. My body went very still, shaking as the realization of my predicament, whatever it was, hit me. I need to know where I am! It's too dark, I can't breath in this. Oh god, I want to get out. It feels like I'm in a coffin or something. Please... please...
And then there was light. And I mean that literally. One second I was staring, terrified, into pitch black, and the next I had to throw a hand over my eyes as blinding sunlight hit them full force. I was out... oh thank whatever gods are up there. I could feel the sweat on my forehead and my hand that was covering my eyes was still shaking. Any longer in there and I think I would have started to scream. Why the hell am I still so fucking afraid?
"Yama-chan? It's okay, I'm here." Taichi! It's him! Just hearing his voice calms me down somewhat, giving me some relief in the back of my mind. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone here.
Slowly I slide my hand away from my eyes, blinking in the change of lighting, and am able to make out a large haired form leaning over me. As the focus becomes clearer, I could see the concern on his face. He's always got such cute expressions. At that thought, I can't help but smile brightly at my boyfriend and reach up a hand to run it along his cheek to prove to myself that he was really there, "Hey Taichi, what're you still doing here?" I ask softly, never taking my eyes from his own deep, sparkling ones, revelling in their warmth. Sometimes I think that he's one of the only reasons I am actually still alive. I love him so much.
His own face brightens with a warm smile, full of relief, as he covers the hand that I have on his cheek with his own, leaning into my touch, "Just wanted to keep you company." He knows I'd rather not talk about my latest claustrophobic attack, choosing to just follow my lead and make light talk instead. It's surprising how much he's changed from the 'act before thinking' boy from the digimon world days.
"Okay, enough of the fluff. You hungry Matty boy?" The sound of Daisuke's voice made me turn in surprise, noticing the other two boys in the room for the first time. The goggle boy was leaning forward in another chair at the foot of my bed, while my younger brother was standing quietly to the side, looking decidedly uncomfortable.
All it took was one look at the soggy, plastic wrapped mess that Daisuke was holding out to me to make my stomach turn over in a sickening way. I hate cafeteria food with a passion, and especially refuse to touch sandwiches that have probably been sitting on some hot shelf for days before it was bought. With a disgusted look at the offending sight, I shake my head rather quickly, "Uh... no thanks, that's okay. I'm really not that hungry. And stop with that stupid name, I hate it." Daisuke just shrugs and opens the sandwich, gobbling it up with a 'your loss', making me give him another disgusted look. Finally I turned back to look at Takeru who still hadn't said anything, but was giving me one of his own concerned looks. "Hey squirt, what's up?"
"I should be the one asking you that question! What were you thinking last night?" The anger and worry in his bright blue eyes surprised me. Feeling a bit put off by the outburst, I look up to give a hurt and accusing look to Taichi. How could he?
When the brunette noticed my look, he quickly shook his head, "I didn't tell him, honest. He found out from some nurse." Well good, as long as Taichi wasn't blabbing out all my secrets.
I give Takeru a sarcastic smile and shrug, "Guess I was just tired and felt like acting more psychotic than usual. Anyway, I'm a freak, so I'm allowed to do things like that, right?" Don't even ask what it was that made me say that, but I really did not like being questioned about my pathetic ways.
As expected, all three of the others stared at me with shock in their faces, then Taichi grabbed my face to make me look at him, anger and confusion written into his emotions, "Don't you ever say that again Yamato! You're not a freak, and I don't like to hear you talk like that." He glared at me with hurt filled eyes, making me feel bad about even opening my mouth in the first place.
"Sorry Taichi, and Takeru. I shouldn't have said that." I apologized quietly, looking away from Taichi andhis disappointment. Way to go Matt, you managed to darken the mood, as usual.
"Well... I'm sorry too Matt, I shouldn't have started like that. I'm just worried, you know? But you're feeling better now right?"
This time I try to give Takeru a real smile, and hiding my fears of the future I answer calmly, "Yeah, much better, thanks."
Takeru gave me a smile back, quickly stepping forward to wrap me up in a brotherly embrace, "That's good. I don't like to hear you say those things either. I love you Oniichan." He stood back with a grin as I tried to hide my blush. "Anyway, I told dad I'd go notify him when you woke up. We can go home today, as long as you take it easy. Coming Dai-chan?" Daisuke eagerly nodded and stood up, wiping breadcrumbs from his khakis, before trailing my brother out the door with a grin at the two of us over his shoulder.
My attention remained on the closed door long after it was shut, just thinking about nothing in particular, until Taichi's voice brought me back to the present, "You don't really think that, do you? That you're a freak?" I knew he was going to ask me about that. That's sometimes the one problem with Taichi as the holder of the crest of Courage, he never likes to let something drop, always has to keep at it until he gets some answers.
Slowly I look up at Taichi, seeing the expected worry, then looked away with a sigh, "Taichi, I almost had a heart attack just because I was tucked under a pile of stupid bed covers. I definitely would not call that normal." I told him in a flat tone, not giving away any emotion. I hate coming out with my fears like this, it's so uncomfortable. Back before the Digiworld thing, even during it, I would hardly even consider letting out my feelings for the rest of the world to know about, but for some reason it was different now. It was almost a relief to let Taichi help me out, or at least listen to what I have to say. Maybe that's one of the benefits of a relationship.
There was a bit of tense silence for the next few moments before Taichi let out his breath in one big whoosh. What the heck, was he holding it in or something? I felt him run the tips of his fingers along my cheek and jaw line, but couldn't let myself react in the way I wanted to as I did not know what he was thinking. Finally he mumbled, "Did you know it was only bed covers?" I just shake my head a bit, choosing to keep silent. Taichi echoes my earlier sigh, his hand now entangled in my mussed up hair, massaging my scalp slowly, "You've got claustrophobia, it's normal to get scared in a dark place when you haven't a clue as to what's going on. Lot's of people have that fear, it doesn't make you a freak." Let's just say I wasn't convinced. When I get into this type of mood, it takes a lot to make me think otherwise to my ideas of what's what.
"Then what about all of the other stuff?" I whisper, not even sure that he could hear me. Of course I didn't get the chance to find out as it was at that moment that my dad decided to show up, Takeru and Daisuke following right behind him.
Before saying anything, my father gave me a good, long look as he tried to figure out how I was doing. Obviously deciding there was nothing he could do at the moment for me anyway, he took my jacket and bag from the closet, "Get up Matt, time to move out. You'll probably feel a lot better once we get you out of this place." I agreed with him fully on that one. I've really come to despise hospitals during the past couple of months or so. Tai nodded absently as he stood up from the chair, holding out his hand to me once he was up. Grudgingly I took it, knowing my bruised body was going to be painful for the next few weeks anyway, no need to make it worse by being stubborn about a little help. At least it wasn't quite as bad as the first time this happened. No, don't think of that!
"Matt? You okay?" I looked up to find everybody giving me the usual worried looks, something else that I was starting to get sick of. A shrug and a smile seem to work for the moment as I allow myself to be supported by my boyfriend, one of his arms around my midsection to keep me steady. Dammit... there's this one stupid bruise at the bottom of my ribs that seems to be tearing at my skin every time it moves. Man, it hurts. Well, just take a steady breath and hope Taichi doesn't notice my heavier breathing. I think he does though, by the way he sends me one of his looks and loosens his hold a little. I give him a small, grateful smile, just to please him and make sure he doesn't think I'm in too much pain.
We made it out of the building within twenty minutes, after Dad spoke with the doctor and checked me out at the front desk. The one nurse kept giving me the weirdest looks, I'm assuming she either heard about or saw my episode the night before. Great, the whole damned hospital probably knows about that by now. I'm such a loser.
Throughout the entire fifteen-minute car trip to my apartment building,
after dropping Takeru and Daisuke off at Mom's place, Taichi remained in
his unusually quiet state, which was starting to worry me. He was absently
massaging the back of my neck while staring out of the side window, a thoughtful
frown placed on his face. Trying to ignore the oddity of this behaviour,
I just leaned into his soothing fingers and tried to put all miserable
thoughts out of my mind. At the building, I eagerly followed the other
two guys up the elevator, leaving the carrying of the bags to them who
had no aching, bruised
arms, and unlocked the door to the apartment that me and my dad share.
For once the mess was a welcoming sight, as I hoped never to see another
pure white wall or floor again.
I picked my way over a few piles of dirty clothes that were laying in
my path before placing myself on the couch, careful not to hit any of my
large bruises. Behind me, Taichi dropped our school bags with a thump,
and sat down beside me, frowning at the blank television. My dad, after
making sure I was alright, disappeared off into one of the other rooms,
presumably to get some of his latest story laid out. After another ten
minutes of the unnerving silence, I grabbed the remote from the table in
front of me and turned on the television, volume up loud. Out of the corner
of my eye I could see Taichi jump in surprise and turn to look at me as
I fought to keep my face blank. Taichi has never been this quiet for as
long as I've known him, it just doesn't make any sense to me. It's
obvious he's thinking hard about something, but just what that something
is, is starting to bother me. Is he thinking about our relationship? Maybe
he thinks... No. No, he promised, he wouldn't... would he? Promise made,
promise broken... just like that ring.
The sound of Taichi's voice breaking his strange silence startled me out of my frightening thoughts, "Yama-chan... you're shivering, 'you cold?" His arm slid around my middle comfortingly, despite the quick shake of my head, and allowed me to curl up into his side. Quite warm now, and a bit less worried about the future while cuddled with the one I loved, I let out a long sigh to release most of the tension that had built up inside of me. "I will never leave you, my Yama."
Surprised, I jerk up to give him a wide-eyed stare. It was like he had been reading my thoughts! "How...?" was all I managed to choke out, but Taichi just gave me a soft grin and reached out to cup my cheek.
"I know you well enough to figure out what's going on in that frightened mind of yours Yama-chan. Well, most of the time anyway. But you trust me, don't you? You know I won't just dump you after all we just went through?" His melting eyes pleadingly held my own gaze, not allowing me to look away without giving a satisfying answer. Of course there was only one way I could answer. If I didn't trust my Taichi by now, I never would, and there would be no way this relationship would work if there was distrust between us.
"Aishiteru Taichi, of course I trust you," I smile, and he smiles back, relief evident in his expression. But I wasn't about to let him get off that easily. Snuggling back into his arms, feeling safer than ever before, I posed my own question, "What were you thinking about?"
"Thinking about? Oh. Nothing really." He shrugged, trying to let the subject go for some reason, but I was going to have none of that. Tilting my head up so that he could see my face, I gave him a glare as best as I could from my position. Taichi tried ignore me for a few minutes, but finally gave up. "I was thinking about you."
My glare changed into confusion, "Me? Why were you thinking about me? What did I do?"
"Do? Nothing!" He laughed, hugging me tighter, "I was just thinking... well, about you in general."
"What d'ya mean, me in general?" I was now starting to become suspicious. What was he hiding? General, my ass.
When there was no answer to the last question, I looked back up at Taichi, and found him giving me a strange look. Then he gave a small cough and looked away, "Uh... are you hungry? You haven't eaten anything since yesterday at lunch." What...? He's changing the subject purposely! Taichi... Why won't you tell me what your problem is!? "Come on, I'll look for something for our dinner." With a sigh I reluctantly oblige as he tries to stand up. If Taichi doesn't want to talk to me about his thoughts, then I can't make him. Anyway, now that I think about it, I am really hungry.
***
Taichi's POV
Leaving Yamato on the couch I enter the kitchen, but instead of grabbing
some food right away I lean against the counter, resting my head against
a wooden cupboard. Kuso, I'm so worried about him. This isn't the way things
should be turning out right now. Seb's gone, Yamato got his revenge, he's
out of the hospital, and as far as I can see Yamato should be getting better!
I guess I shouldn't be expecting him to get over all that pain in one day,
but still... I mean, what does he have to be afraid of anymore? I'm here,
I won't let anybody hurt him, and I really doubt that even if Seb did get
out of jail years from now that the bastard would want to mess with Yama
now. My koi was supposed to be happy with these results, but then there
was that freak out last night and again this morning He's really scaring
me, what if he
can't get better? What if he's afraid of everything for the rest of
his life? I don't know how he'll be able to handle that.
Cursing silently under my breath, I tear open the 'fridge door and stare blankly at its contents. There's got to be a way to help him, there's just got to be. I want to help, so bad that it hurts, but I just don't know how. So far as I can see, Yama's still afraid of the dark and enclosed spaces, still putting himself down worse than ever, and still almost unconsciously pushing people away from himself. And considering all of that, I'm sure he's still scared to death of going out into the world alone with all of those strangers surrounding him. But what can I do? What the fuck can I do?!
"Taichi? You okay in there?" Yamato timidly calls from the front room,
making me realize he could probably hear the pounding of my fist against
the side of the refrigerator. Recollecting my thoughts, I quickly take
out a pot of leftover chicken fried rice. "I'm fine Yama-chan, just found
some rice for us. I'll be out in a sec," I call back just to reassure him.
Dividing some of the rice into two bowls, I add two pairs of chopsticks
before hurrying the food back to where the blonde
was waiting. He didn't say a word as I hand him his bowl and sit down
next to him on the couch, but just watched me silently with a blank face.
It's obvious he knows I'm upset about something.
Giving Yamato a grin, I set about eating my rice, deciding not to get into anything on an empty stomach. Yamato just sort of picks at his own rice with the chopsticks, adding a few grains of rice into his mouth every few minutes. I'm finished my food before he's even a quarter of the way into his, worrying me even more as he's the one who hasn't eaten anything yet today. "If you don't like the rice, I can get you something else Yama-chan," I offer with a hopeful smile.
Yamato jerks his head up when he hears my voice and gives me a small frown, then shakes his head, "No this is okay." He forces another bite full into his mouth as if to prove his point. Looks like he's not about to tell me what's wrong anytime soon.
With a sigh I set my empty bowl on the small table in front of the couch and lay back to think. I haven't the slightest clue as to how to go about helping my Yama to stop being afraid. And I can't tell him how scared I am for him, and for us, because it would just frighten him even more, I've got to remain strong for him. This is all just giving me one hell of a headache. Yamato has stopped eating again when I finally look back over at him, his bowl only half empty, and he's just tensely staring off into space. "Yama?" I break the silence once again, hating the thought that he might be hurting inside right now. He doesn't answer or even shift his gaze, but his hand holding the bowl tightens its grip. Genuinely troubled at the behaviour of my koi now, I slide off of the couch and kneel in front of the quiet teen, reaching up with one hand to cup the side of his face. "Angel?" I try again. Finally his eyes gain a little focus as he stares straight at me, but he still refuses to speak. "What's the matter?"
Yamato blinks once, then turns away with a shrug, "It's nothing." It's not 'nothing', and I know it, but I really don't want to push him to talk, especially since it would most likely only bring up his defences. Then struck by a sudden inspiration, I grab his hand and pull him to his feet. "Taichi?" He looks at me in confusion as I pull him towards the sliding doors that lead out to the balcony. "Taichi, what do you think you're doing?"
Giving Yamato a soft smile, I just take his shoulders and push him towards the balcony railing, and remain standing behind him as I sweep my hand over the landscape, "Just look." He'll get better one of these days, I just know it now. All I have to do is bring out that life inside of him that he is keeping locked up. All I have to do is find the key.
Trying to pull away, Yamato only manages to turn his head a bit and ask me with a bit of sarcasm, "And just what am I looking for?"
"No, you're not looking for anything. Just look at everything." I tell him, whispering gently in his ear. Yamato gives a tiny shiver before turning back to the view of the surrounding city full of buildings and busy people rushing about in a hurry. We silently stare over the land for a bit before Yama sighs and leans back against me. Gladly I wrap my arms around his thin waist to support him and rest my chin on his shoulder.
Yamato sighs again and mutters solemnly, "I still don't understand."
"I just wanted you to see... what you're missing..." I pause, stumbling for words as his body starts to tense up again. "The world's not all bad, my Yama-chan, just some little parts of it. It's pretty miserable to stay cooped up in this house 24-7, and there's just so much more out there in the city to do. Don't you want to get better Angel?" My voice wavers a bit with the end sentence, afraid that he isn't even trying to overcome his fears anymore.
The blonde head turns as he tries to see my expression, and in response I just softly kiss his pale cheek. "I... I do... I want to get better Taichi, but it's just... it's hard. Everything has changed." He says the last part almost bitterly, resenting who he has become. I wait for him to continue, and soon he does, quietly trying to reason with his feelings, "It's hard to... to understand how I could just let go... of all the pain and stop thinking about... about how others could be thinking... of hurting me again. I don't know if... if I can... do it."
I hug him closer, trying ease away his fears, "You can, my koibito, I know you can. You just have to try. But if you keeping hiding like this, you'll never be able to face anybody again, and that darkness might... it could hurt you even more than... than anything else." The last part comes out cautiously, I know he doesn't like to talk about that, but I have to make him see.
Silence reigns again for the next few minutes before Yamato answers,
his voice choked with emotion, "I could... I could try. For you Taichi..."
He stops, then suddenly turns in my grasp to face me. I'm shocked by the
fear showing in his icy gaze as he speaks again, "Taichi... I love you
so, so much and and I need to know that..." Breaking off, he grabs me in
a tight embrace, burying his head against my shoulder. All I can do is
stand there with my own arms around him, confused by this irrational behaviour.
Then he sobs out, surprising me even further, "You... wouldn't leave m-me...
wou-would
you? Please don't... if I'm st-still too... too a-afraid... you can't...
you c-can't leave... I-I can't h-help it..."
"Oh no... no Yama." I clutch him tightly to my chest, hating the thought
of him being afraid that I'll leave him just because of some stupid fears
he has. "I won't, I will never leave you, I've already told you that. I
said I wouldn't just dump you off after all that, and I meant it. I don't
care about anything else, just you. Please stop crying, you can't get too
overworked right now." Yamato just nods against me and mutters grateful
words between hiccups. It takes a little while for him to gain control
of himself, and I wait, patiently rubbing his back and telling him how
much I love him. When his tears finally start to come to a stop, he sniffs
and hugs me tighter before looking up into my face with tear brightened
ocean eyes. Without a word I touch my lips to his reddened cheeks, kissing
away the wet salt. "We won't go out
until you're ready, my Angel, okay?" Slowly he lets out a half smile
and pushes his gentle lips against my own, wrapping his arms around my
neck.
"Okay." He whispers as we pull apart, "Thank you." I smile in response, running a hand through his mussed hair, and start to lead him back into the apartment. My beautiful, wonderful koi. We can get through this now that the main threat is over, but it'll just have to take some time.
***
Matt's POV
Humming along to some American song on the radio with a really cool beat, I finish drying the last of the dishes and throw the dishrag into the sink. It's Saturday, just over a week since I got out of the hospital for, hopefully, the last time. Both Taichi and I got the week to recover, and now I'm pretty much dreading the thought of school on Monday. But for the moment I've stuck that out of my mind and am concentrating on just enjoying my weekend. It's a beautiful day outside, not a cloud in the deep blue sky, and the sunlight is streaming in through the windows warming up the apartment.
After turning up the volume on the radio I head into the living room
to take a look around. I've spent the whole morning
cleaning up the pigsty that my father and I live in, just for something
to do, and satisfied with my work I take the opportunity to flop down on
the couch. My dad's gone for the day because of some hot news story that
he needs to get on the air, but I'm expecting Taichi to show up within
the next half hour after he's done with his own chores that his parents
stuck him with. I grin just thinking about how Tai is probably stuck taking
out the garbage at the moment and tormenting his whole family with his
whining and groaning. He's just so adorable when he sulks.
Leaning back into the couch cushions, I listen dreamily to the music
floating through the room, just thinking about some of the great times
I've had with my Taichi. Then I jerk up and look over the back of
the couch towards the door. Did I just hear a knock? It's hard to
tell over the loud music. Ah, there it is again, Taichi's here! Unable to contain my widening smile, I quickly walk over to the door and
unlock it. Instantly I'm grabbed by a pair of arms into a tight hug
before I even get the chance to see who it is. But the sudden flutter
of fear is calmed when my koi's voice starts up in my ear, "Yama- chan! How're you doing?" He gives me a soft kiss on the lips before pushing me
back through the
door. I just smile and lean my forehead against his shoulder,
content to just listen to him go on about the horrors that his parents
made him go through today. He's still paying for what he did to his
family weeks earlier. At least they aren't upset by our relationship
any longer. "So, do you have any plans for today?" Taichi catches
my attention once again and I pull away to turn down the radio so we can
at least hear what the other has to say.
With a shake of my head and a shrug, I lead us back to the couch. "No, 'just thought we'd do whatever."
"Hmm, as interesting as 'whatever' sounds," Taichi's grin turns cat-like, and I blush at how that had sounded, "I thought we could go get some ice cream. It's great outside, too nice to just stay here all day."
Hesitantly I look away, not sure yet if I was ready to face the crowd. Although I have to admit I'm feeling better today than I've felt in ages, and I'll have to get used to people sometime soon with school coming up in a couple of days. "Where?"
"Just at the park, they've got some great ice cream there. We don't have to, though, if you don't want to. Its just a suggestion." He shrugs as if it doesn't matter, but I know he's hoping for a better response than the one I gave him a few days ago.
Thinking hard for a moment, I lay my head against my boyfriend's shoulder and try to decide how I feel about going out right now. Its Saturday, which means there'll be many people at the park now. But on the plus side, I'll have Taichi with me the whole time, keeping me safe from everything. And he really is trying to help me, I shouldn't just push this away. "Alright, just let me get changed." My answer seems to brighten him up even more while Taichi eagerly nods his head in agreement.
It took a little while for me to find something suitable to wear, meaning
a black t-shirt and black pants, and to comb my hair into shape, but finally
I was ready to go. Taichi was already waiting by the door and he
started grinning as soon as he saw me, "Gods, you're beautiful, you know
that angel?" My only answer is a huge blush as I tug on my shoes. I still don't know what he finds so beautiful about me, especially after
all that has happened. 'Course, I'm not complaining.
Taichi chuckles a bit at my reaction, then settles his hand on my waist
as we exit the apartment together. It's great to feel his body next
to mine, and his closeness helps to vanquish my fears. Nothing bad
can happen now with my Taichi beside me, right? Quickly I prepare
myself as we step into the elevator, blanking my mind for the ride. I absolutely hate these box like things, but this ride is only for a minute
so I can handle it, barely. Any longer in it and my claustrophobic
mind would probably kick into gear.
"Ah shit." Jerked out of my thoughts on not panicking, I look over at Taichi with a questioning stare. Then I notice how the elevator doesn't seem to be moving any longer. Fearfully I look at the floor indicator overhead and realize that we seem to have stopped between floors. Oh Kami-sama, this can't be what it seems. Feeling my body start to shake, I watch in a daze as Taichi frantically hits the emergency call button. A woman's voice comes over and he explains the situation.
"Don't worry, its just a minor glitch in the electricity flow. We'll have it running again within the next ten minutes. It often happens with these old elevators." The voice informs us confidently.
Slowly Taichi nods and turns to me, "Yama... you going to be okay?" I start to nod, but freeze up as I turn to stare pleadingly at the doors, willing them to open and let me out. No such luck. We're trapped. Ten minutes goes by a hell of a lot slower when the walls seem to be closing in on you.
Okay... calm down... I won't panic... Oh god, the cables... they're going to snap, I just know it. They're going to snap and we'll plummet to our death just because we're stuck in a tiny fucking box like a couple of damned birds in a cage! "Tai..." I swallow the bile rising in my throat from fear and try again, my heart pounding until it hurt, "Taichi... I... I need to... to get out... now. It's... I can't... Please, just GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" So much for not panicking. Lurching towards the sealed metal doors, I start trying to pry them open with my fingers, "I need out, let me out of here, 'can't breath," my mutters are hardly noticed by myself while I shake in terror.
He's beside me, trying to calm me down, "Yama-chan, it's okay, we're-"
"No its NOT OKAY! Get me out... oh pl-please..." Shimatta... Kami help me, I just want to be able to breath!
"Yama... you're hyperventilating, take deep breathes okay? I don't want you to pass out on me. Look, it's already been five minutes, half way there. We'll be off in no time. We're safe, I won't let you get hurt here." He's doing his best to stay calm himself, but I can hear the fear in his voice. Maybe Taichi didn't realize just how afraid I really am. The walls... oh man... they're closing in... Deep breathes... Taichi said to breath... but how can I when there's no air!?
With a half groan and half sob, I collapse to the floor, holding my
head as I concentrate on not fainting. I can barely feel Taichi's arms
wrapped tightly around me as he keeps talking nonsense, probably trying
to distract me. We're trapped, we are going to die in here, I'm positive.
By the time the car finally moves and the door opens, I'm a complete wreck. Taichi needs to drag me up from the floor and carry me out of the elevator,
setting me on the floor against the wall. Faintly I hear him asking
me if I'm okay, but I'm too busy trying to breath to answer. It hurts...
just leave me alone. Suddenly I'm being shaken, breaking me out of
my trance and the air rushes into my lungs. Greedily I gulp it down,
ignoring Taichi's
sigh of relief.
For awhile both me and Taichi are quiet, his arm tightly hugging me to him as he sits beside me. Meanwhile I'm just trying to come to my senses. "Yama-chan, I... You okay now?" He sounds very worried, I probably gave him a heart attack in there. Slowly I lift up my head a bit and crack open my eyes to take a peek at him. He looks ready to cry. "I'm so sorry Angel, I had no idea that would happen. Next time we'll just take the stairs." With a sigh he slides me into his lap to rub my back and wait for me to regain my strength to move. An old couple walking past gives us a weird look, but we just ignore them. It's hard for me to be afraid at all when Taichi holds me like this, so soon I feel the previous scare slip away, leaving me with a cold feeling. "Do you think you could stand up now?" Silently I nod, letting Taichi pull me up to my feet. I lean against him for support, still breathing heavily.
"'wasn't you're fault." I quietly tell him, just in case he thinks I'm going to blame him. Stupid elevator, never again will I go on one of those. Not after what just happened. Great, another weakness to add to my long list.
Taichi sighs and kisses my forehead gently, "I guess you won't want to be going out now. Think you can handle the stairs back up?" There's a hint of disappointment in his voice. I look at him in surprise. Heading back to my apartment does sound very tempting, but now that I'm feeling calmer I realize how stupid and weak that would be. I go through that just to go back upstairs? I don't think so. Shaking my head I push away from Taichi and lace my fingers with his own.
"No, I... I was kind of looking forward to ice cream." I smile at the shocked look on his face. My stomach still feels queasy, but I'm not going to give up that easily, especially after how long it took just to want to do this again. Besides, nobody will dare come near me with Taichi at my side. At least that's what I keep telling myself so as not to chicken out.
"You sure Yama-chan?" I nod, trying to act like I wasn't nervous at all. Maybe it would be better just to go back and lie down, let my nerves relax. But when I see Taichi's glowing smile, I push those thoughts back, sure that I'm doing the right thing. "Alright then, but you just tell me whenever you feel like you can't handle it okay?" He's worried now, but I nod again and take a step towards the front doors, eager to get out into the fresh air.
When we stepped out onto the open sidewalk, the sunlight made me stop
and blink, trying to gather my wits. Taichi tightens his hand around
mine and I look up at him in surprise. We're in public, what if someone
we know sees us? Isn't he afraid of what they'll think? Seeming
to read my thoughts once again, he shakes his head with a grin, "I don't
care if the whole world sees us my Yama-chan, I'm just proud to have someone
like you at my side." I swear that boy's making a hobby out of making
me blush! Happily I let him lead me down the path, dodging around
other people. With Taichi holding on to me like that it wasn't nearly
as scary out as I had first presumed. In fact, I could probably even
start
enjoying myself now.
The park was also full of adults, teenagers and kids alike, enjoying
outdoor activities in this bright weather. The only incident that
happened on the way to the small snack stand was when a out of control
rollerblader smacked into my shoulder as she went by. Jumping in
surprise and, I have to admit, fright I shrank further into my protector. Fortunately the blader kept on going, otherwise it could have made the
situation worse. Taichi comfortingly lay an arm around my shoulder,
whispering in my ear that is was just an accident. It only took me
a few seconds to catch my breath before pulling away, ashamed, and kept
on walking with my head down. "Hey Yama, cheer up. What kind
of ice cream do
you want?" I look up to find us standing in front of the stand
with Taichi smiling at me questioningly. The girl working there was also
smiling pleasantly, happy at the good business she was getting today and
not even giving Taichi's arm, which was still around me, a second glance.
Seeing as she didn't look too threatening from behind that counter, I weakly return the smile, "oh... I'll just have a chocolate cone please." I've always like the original flavors the best. Some of the new ones that they come out with are just too weird or crazy for me to even want to try. Taichi orders the same kind, not surprising as that's his favourite flavor of all time, and gets out his wallet. "You need me to chip in?"
He looks at me, then grins and shakes his head, "Naw, its my treat. I've got plenty of money after just collecting a big debt that Kari owed me."
"That'll be three dollars even," The nice girl tells us as she hands over the cones. Taichi gives it over and she smiles again, "You two have a nice day."
"Uh, thanks." I reply, a bit taken aback by her friendly manner. Well, what was I expecting? Everyone to be monsters or something?
We decided to sit at one of the park tables to eat, and chose one that was the furthest away from the main crowd. Taichi sat across from me and I started working on making sure the tasty ice cream didn't drip onto my hands or shirt. It really was good, and quite refreshing just to be out here after everything. Even my previous scare from the elevator had pretty much worn off as I sat here in the afternoon sun and breathed deeply of the fresh, earthy scented air. A pair of small children ran by our benches, laughing as the chased their puppy across the grass. They seemed so happy, so innocent of the horrors that this world could produce. It would be nice to be able to travel back in time and become like that once again, not having to fear everything that had a chance of hurting me. But somehow, at this moment, I feel at peace. So far it wasn't so bad being back around everybody like this, they weren't all evil. With this thought in mind I run my tongue over the melting chocolate again slowly, closing my eyes to savour the taste. When I opened them again, I found Taichi watching me with his own forgotten icecream melting all over the table. He had a small, half smile on his lips and a dreamy look in his eyes, making me wonder what was going on in his mind. "What?" I finally ask, breaking the calm silence that had descended.
The focus suddenly came back to his eyes, but the cute smile never wavered, "Hmm?" He blinked, then leaned out his free hand to cover my own on the table surface, "'was just stunned by your beauty, I guess." His smile widens at my now reddened face. I don't think I've ever blushed so much in a day. Then Taichi pulls back and reaches into his shirt pocket, "I got something for you Yama-chan."
"You did?" Not knowing what else to say, I just watch curiously as he closes his fist around something and holds it out to me. I look at it, then at his face questioningly, "What is it?" He just grins, then slowly opens his hand and I can't help but gasp at what I see lying on his palm, hardly able to believe my eyes, "But... how...? It looks just like..."
"It is. I've been going back to that alley for the past week now trying to find it. I just got it back a couple of days ago, found it under the dumpster." Slowly he takes my hand and places the sparkling, blue and gold ring back on my finger. My whole hand is trembling in disbelief, and I feel the tears building up. "So I cleaned it up and have been just waiting for the right time to give it back to you. See, it didn't break, just like my promises never will. Now you can believe in them again." Shaking, I look back up into his eyes and find the most sincere look in them as he reaches over again and wipes my eyes. Its true, he went back to that awful place for almost a whole week just to find a ring for me. Oh gods, he's got to be the most wonderful and caring boyfriend in the entire world! I don't understand how he could go through so much trouble for me. "Do you like it?"
Unable to contain myself any longer, I hop off of the bench and run over to his side to give Taichi a very big hug, smiling through my tears as I feel his arms around me, "It's the greatest gift ever, Taichi. Thank you, thank you so much for doing this for me. I really don't deserve it."
Taichi shakes his head, "Of course you deserve it." He kisses my forehead, wiping away the tears as he pushes me back a bit. "I knew it meant a lot to you, and I really wanted to make you happy. I'm glad it worked." I nod gratefully, leaning my head against his chest with a sigh and forgetting we were out in public for the moment. After a few moments I feel collected enough to sit up again, and as I do I admire the ring that is now fit snugly on my left hand. Its so strong to withstand the impact of that fall, just like the bond between me and Taichi. Maybe life will turn out happily ever after. "Feel up to a walk?" Taichi asks after staring mournfully at his ruined ice cream cone.
"Yeah, I do." I stand up with him, hugging his waist to my side, and not giving a damn as to who saw us. Slowly, the two of us made our way across the green grass of the park, content to just silently walk with our arms around each other. Playing children run all around us, but I don't give them a second glance, enjoying the warm feeling inside of me. This has to have been the best day in a long while, and I'll never forget it. And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to overcome my fears. I hope so anyway, for both mine and Taichi's sakes. I'm keeping my lovely koi with me forever, and I'm glad he feels the same way towards me.
~*~
(A/N) Well, I guess there'll probably be another part since there are
still a few things to be resolved! Hope you're looking foreward to
reading it. Thanks for your patience with this part, hopefully the
next one will come out much sooner! Ja! =^_^=
