A/N: Well! This is it, the final chapter. And just a warning : It does get quite lemony near the end, so careful if you don't like that sort of stuff. 'Though from the reviews I got, it looks like most people are looking forward to it! ^_^; Anyway, sorry for the wait (again!). We just switched to a new internet service so everything just went sort of haywire for awhile. Umm... Let's get on with the fic! Tell me whatcha think.

Holding On: Part 10

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Tai's POV

It was a beautiful, bright day with only a slightly warm, gentle breeze weaving through the trees and grass. The sun shone brightly down from the cloudless sky, making the day hot but in a wonderful way. Brightly colored birds flew briskly around in the air, singing cheery tunes and playing happily in the warm summer air. It was just one of those days where you're glad to be alive and free. Taking all this in through half closed eyes I smile in contentment. This was just so perfect, better than I would ever have imagined my life to be. I start to stroke the blonde locks of hair spread along my chest and shoulders and feel pleased when the boy, who is laying with his head upon my chest, sighs lightly and tightens his hold around my waist. I could stay in this position forever, I really could.

Yamato Ishida, the boy who somehow managed to capture my heart and soul. I love him more than life itself now, and wouldn't give him up for anything, he's just worth too much to me. It's been rough, and there's no denying that there has been times when it seemed so futile to keep this relationship going, but we've been hanging in there for each other. The first time he told me he was in love with me had been the worst day of my life, ironically, and after that I had almost lost him. I hate to think back to those months where awful events just seemed to pop up at us one after the other, almost driving my love to the very edge of despair. If I hadn't come to my senses so soon I don't know what he would have done to himself, and I would never have forgiven myself for hurting him so much.

It has already been two months since I finally managed to persuade Yamato to come out of his shell and since then we've come so close to one another, no distrust between us at all. We understand each other more than any two people ever have, and he's almost completely healed from the terrible evils that had invaded his life. There will be, of course, some fears that he will never get over and others that will just take a lot of time to overcome. His claustrophobia will never go away as far as I can tell and we make sure to stay far away from elevators and any other types of enclosed spaces. Once in awhile that old nightmare comes back as well, or a large migraine whenever he is too strained or tired, but I, or someone in his family when I'm not around, always manages to comfort him. And there's still that question of getting to that certain point in a relationship that he has to work out within himself. He's scared to death of pain, even though he now hates to admit it. But I know that if I just wait patiently we'll reach that perfect moment when everything will be set right again. I would never hurt my Yama-chan again, that is something I've sworn over and over.

A movement brings me slowly out of my dreamy state, and pleasure sends little shivers through me as I feel my koibito gently nuzzle my neck, "Whatcha thinking about, hmm?" His hot breath against my skin makes me sigh blissfully.

I send my hand lightly down his back before I answer, happy at the answering shiver of enjoyment, "About you, and how much I love you of course." I smile and hug him to me on sudden whim.

With a small, delighted laugh Yamato pushes away as he moves up so that his face is level with my own, "Is that all you ever think about?" He gives me a teasing kiss on my nose, running one slender hand across my forehead to push aside the long bangs. I just grin a bit and nod before pulling his head back down to bring our lips together. Nothing, absolutely nothing can beat the sweet taste and velvet feel of Yamato's soft lips; the way they open willingly to admit my eager tongue is enough to drive me wild. With barely controlled restraint, I run my tongue along the roof of his mouth, then move to stroke his own tongue tenderly, enticing a pleasure filled moan from the beautiful creature on top of me.

Slowly I flip Yamato over onto his back, switching our previous positions as I start to hungrily push harder into his mouth. Our tongues start warring, pushing against one another desperately, swirling around in a blind dance. Nothing else matters at this moment except him, to draw every little detail of him deep into my memory. I love the feel of my angel, the sound of him groaning and writhing with pleasure beneath me, nothing could make a more perfect picture.

Minutes went by, leaving us in our own small world, before the silence around us was broken with a yell from the other side of the hill we were lying on, "Boys! Food's ready! Better come get some before we eat it all!" Miyako's shrill voice broke the haze of desire that had descended upon us. Reluctantly we pulled apart, gasping for air while lustfully gazing into each other's eyes. Kami-sama, I wanted more of him, he was just so beautiful; laying there beneath me, eyes half closed and his gorgeous golden hair spread around his head like an angel's halo. It wasn't fair that someone should interrupt us at this moment, that I couldn't finish what we had started. It wasn't fair that the burning desire within me was growing stronger each day and it was taking all my will just to contain it for the sake of my fragile koishii.

Yamato finally spoke up, his voice still husky from our kiss, "'Guess we better go huh? I wouldn't want you to starve."

I smile down at his twinkling, clear blue eyes and move to stand up, pulling him up with me. "Me neither, Love. Let's go then." We slip our arms around each other's waists and make our way up the hill towards the picnic that the girls had put together. The twelve of us, somehow all of us digidestined managed to clear our schedules for the day, had decided to visit the Digital World for a picnic and just to hang out and catch up on each other's lives. According to me, it was an awesome idea. Yamato had really been feeling down the last couple of days, having a few more nightmares than was usual, and basically just freaking out over the stupidest things. The reason? It was this week, exactly six months from the day that his life had been torn apart by some cruel boys. We're trying to put most of that behind us, but it's very hard for Yamato to just forget about something as big as that. I wouldn't be surprised if he's like this on this week every month for the next few years, but maybe one day he'll be able to just shove it out of his mind forever.

As we come over the crest of the hill, we can see the other digidestined spread out on a flat area in the shade of some leafy trees. Most of them already have a plate of food, sitting in smaller groups to converse quietly while eating. At the sight of all that food spread out on the picnic blanket I suddenly feel like I haven't eaten in ages and start to pick up my pace, pulling Yama along behind me as he good naturally mutters something about me being more in love with food than himself. By the time we had reached the bottom of the hill, I was leading us at top speed, Yamato laughing uncontrollably while telling me to slow down before we fall and break our necks. It's great to hear his laughter, and it's just recently that I've been hearing it more and more. It is a good sign that he's really healing.

I slid onto the blanket while Yama stopped himself by slamming into my back and cursing repeatedly over my stupidity. Others around us were laughing right along at the big joke and I grinned over at them while helping myself to a plate full of food. While I grabbed just about anything that was in sight, well known for my love of eating, Yamato was more careful in choosing his own. I've never really understood how someone could be so picky, but I guess that's just the way he is. Anyway, I make sure he eats enough when I'm around so there's no need to worry about him forgetting or anything! After he had finally filled his paper plate enough, I looked around for a place to sit. I saw my sister waving from beneath a huge tree and went off to join her, as well as Takeru, Daisuke, and Ken who were all sitting beside her.

"Hey peeps! Enjoying yourselves?" I ask as I ungracefully slump down onto the soft grass. Yamato sat down with his usual grace beside me and started to slowly pick at his food. Everybody nodded and I grinned before stuffing some sushi into my mouth, much to the amusement of the others.

Kari just rolls her eyes, "Tai, you really need to work on your manners." I just grin at her, my mouth too full to say anything, and begin attacking some of the other finger foods on my plate.

After a few more minutes, in which the others resumed their previous chatting, my attention was diverted towards Yamato's younger brother and his boyfriend laying a few feet away from the others. Daisuke's head was resting on the blonde's lap, animatedly describing something that had gone on earlier that day, while every once in a while he would stop in mid sentence and wait with a slightly open mouth for Takeru to feed him a little something. Then he would start talking once again while chewing at the same time. It was quite amusing, but at the same time the whole feeding the other bit was more than a little erotic. Quickly coming to the conclusion that it would be fun to do that with my own boyfriend I turned to him, noticing that he was watching me from the corner of those lovely blue eyes, "Hey Yama-chan, Angel-"

"No."

Blinking with surprise at this sudden answer to a question that I hadn't even been able to finish, I gape a little. "No what?"

Yamato turned his eyes directly onto my face, looking amused and stubborn at the same time, "I am quite capable of eating on my own. Thank you, but no." He then smiled a bit and turned away to look down at his food again. Sometimes I hate the fact that he seems to be able to read my mind so easily, it's just so unfair. But I guess I had known all along that he would turn me down on the offer, he's got this thing about being too touchy in front of others unless he's in one of his very emotional moods. It probably just makes him feel uncomfortable, after all that has happened, to have other people see us become intimate with each other. I don't particularly agree with that of course, being the outgoing guy that I am, but I respect his fears enough to know when to back off.

Suddenly I realized that my plate was clean of all except crumbs and spoke up, "Hey, I'm going to go get some more. Want anything Yama-chan?"

He smiled at me again but shook his head slightly, "Nah, I'm fine. You go ahead."

I couldn't help smiling back at his sparkling eyes and, reaching towards him, I gently ran my hand through his golden mane while giving his nose a small kiss, "Alright Angel, I'll be right back."

Wrinkling his nose a little, and blushing with embarrassment, Yamato shoos me away with his hand, "I told you not to call me that in front of others, baka." He tells me affectionately before I head over towards the picnic layout. Hearing the giggling behind me from the younger digidestined only made my grin wider. I love having someone to appreciate in this way, especially in front of others without feeling like we were doing something wrong.

Giggling quietly to myself over my shamelessness, I crouched over the dishes of food and filled up another plate. When I stood up again I found myself blocked off by the two oldest girls of the bunch. "Hi Tai!" Mimi giggled as she quickly latched onto one of my arms.

"How's it going Tai?" Sora asked as she firmly grasped my other arm. Both the girls started leading me in the opposite direction from the others.

Confused at this sudden turn of events, I just looked back and forth between them. It was easy to assume that something was up by the total look of excitement and secretiveness in their faces. "Um... Hi... I'm fine. What's up?" I asked cautiously, trying not to tip my plate and spill all that lovely lunch.

Mimi smiled even more, deciding that she was the one who was going to tell me, whatever it was they wanted from me. "Guess what's happening next Friday?" I just gave her a weird look and shrugged, losing my interest fast. If they were just going to talk about some girlish party then they were just wasting the precious time that I could be using to snuggle up to my beautiful boyfriend. "What?! You don't know?" She actually had the nerve to pretend to be shocked... well, okay, since this is Mimi we're talking about, she probably is shocked. "Hello! The Dance? Remember? There's been posters all over the school for the past month! It's like the biggest one ever!"

"Really? I hadn't noticed." Actually, I really hadn't. I have this real problem with attentiveness, and am not the type to be attracted to pretty pink and yellow paper hanging on our school walls. "So what?"

"So what?!" Sora's turn to look shocked, just great. What's up with these two anyway? See, this is one of the biggest pro's of having a boyfriend, I don't get stuck with all this silliness. "You have to take Matt to it!"

"What?!" I stop dead in my tracks, dragging them to a halt with me, and stare incredulously, "Take Matt to a school dance? Are you nuts?! There's no freaking way he'd go! Have you seriously forgotten how much he hates crowds, especially when it comes to some of those morons that go to our school?" I shake my head and try to head back to my waiting koi, having heard enough of this already.

I was stopped once again by both of the girls grabbing at me, "No, no, no, You are going nowhere until you agree mister!" The pink haired one tapped me on the nose as if threatening me was going to change my mind.

"Why?" I ask simply, folding my arms across my chest stubbornly. Believe me when I say I'd love to take Yamato to a dance, but I don't think he'd appreciate the fear factor that's involved. I only want to look out for his best interests, and this doesn't sound important enough to risk them.

Sora sighed and shook her head irritably, "Don't you get it? This is a perfect opportunity to help him and bring him closer to you. This way he'll get used to the crowd as well as giving his complete trust for you to keep." Mimi nodded along with her, looking hopeful at the other girl's explanation.

"He'll freak." I said shortly, wondering why they weren't understanding the situation. They knew as well as any of the digidestined what he was like. "He wouldn't be able to stand the walls of people and the heat."

"With you there he would." Mimi interrupted me, smiling sweetly, "You know you'd be able to keep him from becoming too afraid. In fact, it will encourage him for you to bring him with you." Okay, so she had a point there. With a sigh, I run my hand limply through my hair and look back over my shoulder at Yamato. He looked as though he was laughing over some joke that Ken was telling, then he glanced over to where I was standing and waved with a smile. Kami-sama, my knees felt weak just seeing him so happy. Maybe they're right, if I could help him out and make him even happier and more trusting it would do him so much good. And I love to see him like that.

I grin and wave back before turning to face the two girls again, "Well... I guess I could at least talk to him about it."

"Ooh, yay!" Mimi clapped her hands together, "You two are just so cute together, you know that?" My cheeks started to burn up as I just glared at her, which only seemed to make her more gleeful.

Sora quickly turned my attention to her by shoving two slips of paper at me, "Good, we were hoping that we wouldn't have to waste these." I silently took them from her and found myself staring at two tickets to the end of the year school dance. Those little witches! They knew I'd give in! But then again, what was I complaining about? Assuming that Yamato would agree to this, which only had a slim chance of happening anyway, I just got two free tickets and hours of time to show off my boyfriend and our dancing skills to the rest of the school.

With a reluctant grin I thanked them, "This is just too cool. I guess I'll ask him about it tonight then." They grinned and nodded eagerly before giving me a quick hug and leaving to go wreck havoc on other peoples' lives. Stuffing the tickets into my pocket, and hoping that Yamato hadn't seen them yet, I quickly go to rejoin my favorite guy in the whole world. Running up behind him, I settle my plate onto the ground before throwing my arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek, "I'm ba~ak! Did you miss me?"

"Should have I?" Yamato turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow, but I could see the spark of laughter in his eyes and the way his mouth was twitching with the urge to smile.

Pretending to pout, I cross my arms and glare back at him, "Yes." Then I pull him onto my lap and give him a much more passionate kiss on the mouth, making his eyes widen in surprise and then narrow again with pleasure. Just as he started to really participate I pull back, leaving him gasping with air and glaring at me, "Would you miss me if I left right now?" I grin at the daggers he shoots at me through his eyes. Without answering my question, he just grabs my collar and pulls me back into his lips, kissing me hard enough to bruise. "Mmph!"

"Man, some people have no shame at all." Yamato jerks back, his face reddening rapidly at Daisuke's teasing remark while the others laughed or smiled along.

Takeru hugged his koi closer while nodding with a thoughtful expression, "Yeah. Is it just me or are those two becoming more and more risqué as they spend more time together? I think Taichi's having too much of an influence on my brother."

"Heh, before we know it, they'll be fucking in front of the entire world." Daisuke started to laugh at his own joke before he saw the look that Yamato and I were sending him. It read 'death'. He suddenly seemed to wilt a little as everyone else bemusedly looked on, "Ah... I was just kidding, really. Stop looking at me like that!"

"Watch your language Dais," Takeru gives him a thwap on the head, causing Daisuke to yelp in surprise, "...and don't ever speak of my brother like that!" He added as he gave another light smack to his boyfriend's head.

I laugh at the poor boy's expression while shaking my head at the absurdity of it all. There's a small giggle from Yamato before he leans back against me with a sigh, "I'm glad we came here today Taichi." He whispers while the other two keep squabbling. I just hug him, understanding exactly what he means, and absently pick up a piece of chicken from my plate to chew on. It really was a good idea, I haven't seen Yamato so relaxed for quite a few days now and I feel so wonderful when he is. It's the greatest feeling in the world to know that the one you love is content just to be with you on a day such as this.

~*~

Matt's POV

"Itai! Hey, Get off of me!"

"Ow... I can't! Jyou's on my legs!"

"Dammit Daisuke, get the hell off of my hand!"

"Ack! Whoever you are! Get your hand out of my eye!"

With a sigh I manage to disentangle myself from the pile of Digidestined and stand away from them as they try to organize themselves after the short trip through the computer. Taichi's near the bottom of the pile, curses streaming from his mouth a mile a minute, so I'll have a little while to wait before I can leave with him. God, I miss the Digiworld already. Back to reality I go, back to the contaminated Earth and all of its evil inhabitants. Maybe one day I'll just move to the Digiworld for good; Taichi with me of course. But for now I guess I'll just have to put up with this.

Don't get me wrong, I like living where I do, especially since me and my dad get along so great. It's just that this is like the anniversary week of... well you know. And because of it I've just been feeling very depressed and out of it, it's a horrible feeling to have those memories just pop back in like this. Of course, Taichi's been doing his very best to keep me occupied and happy, but it's not working out that well. Going to the Digital World had been the best idea yet. For those few hours I was able to completely forget my worries and relax in the company of all the people that I trust.

I hadn't even realized that the squabbling had ground to a halt, staring at the wall with a frown as I had been, until I felt a pair of arms loosely wrap themselves around my waist. "Ready to go Yama-chan?" Taichi's voice whispered into my ear as he rested his chin lightly on my shoulder. Not surprisingly, just the feeling of my love touching me managed to drain away all of the tension I had accumulated within the last five minutes.

Suddenly feeling lighter, I turn around kiss a tanned cheek with a grateful smile, "Uh huh. My place or yours?"

Taichi's grin lit up his entire face as he turned me to face the door, keeping one arm around my waist, "Yours I think. 'Kari will be heading back to our place and I'm pretty sure that my mom mentioned something about cleaning the apartment, so I'll have much better time putting that off by walking you home." I nod my head in agreement as we walk out of the school and towards the park leading to my building. There were no words spoken for some time, but I knew Taichi well enough to know that this silence wasn't going to last for too long. "Hey, Yama?"

Inwardly I smirk at the accuracy of my prediction, "Hmm?" I languidly twirl some of his hair around my finger, making him smile contentedly.

"Mimi and Sora mentioned something about this dance going on at our school, do you know anyone else who's going?" He sounds thoughtful and, feeling a sharp warning sign in the back of my mind, I quickly turn my head to scan his face for any clue to his intentions. It looks innocent enough, his eyes just staring peacefully out over the grass, so slowly I let down my guard again. I doubt he'd want to take me to that stupid thing anyway, besides he knows all too well about how I react to too many people.

I shrug in response, "Yeah, the majority of the high school is going," I tell him, careful not to give him any indication that I actually care about it.

"Oh, so it's a big thing then, huh?" I shrug again with a nod. Well duh, Taichi, it's a big thing. It is the last dance of the year after all, and it's supposed to be the best one yet as far as I've heard. "So you knew about it?"

I laugh at this a little, remembering how unobservant my Taichi can be. He probably hadn't even noticed the excited chatter about it going on around him for the last three weeks. "Of course. There's only been a million posters plastered to each wall of the school." My tone makes me wince, and I feel even worse when I see the hurt on Taichi's face as he pulls away a little. Feeling shameful about my attitude I mumble an apology while keeping my gaze trained on the path ahead of me. He draws me closer to him again in silent acceptance and we walk the rest of the way home in a comfortable quiet.

When we finally walked through the door of my apartment I called out a half-hearted greeting and surprisingly got one in return. My father came out of his bedroom, looking as if he had just woken up, and smiled when he saw us, "Hi Matt, Tai, how are you boys?"

"Pretty great, Ishida-san." Taichi replied while I shrugged and slipped off my shoes. "We had a good picnic with a bunch of friends."

"Well that's good to hear. Yamato does need to get out more," I give him a dirty look at this but he ignores it and continues, "Anyway Matt, I picked up the ingredients you wanted for dinner tonight. Are you staying to eat, Tai?"

Taichi answered in a regretful tone, "No, I can't, 'though it'll be a shame to miss out on Yama-chan's wonderful cooking. My folks are expecting me home pretty soon actually." I feel a flash of disappointment run through me as I notice how he hadn't even taken off his shoes. Oh well, at least Dad's home tonight to keep me with some company. "I just need to talk to Yama alone for a sec, if that's okay?"

"Of course. I need to go freshen up anyway." My father replies as he stumbles off towards the bathroom. Those shifts are really getting to him.

I turn back to Taichi, "So, what'd you want to talk to me about?"

"I..." For some reason he hesitates, looking into my eyes for something. Then he sighs and shoves a hand into his pocket, "Here. I want you to think about this." He puts some paper into my hand, but doesn't let me look at them yet, keeping my eyes on his own. "But before I go, I just want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. I won't let you get hurt again. I'll be by your side to protect you no matter what. If you feel like there's no way in hell you can do this, then I understand, but really try to think hard about this first, okay?" Of course I have no clue to what he's talking about yet, but it sounds very romantic coming from my love. I nod and his serious face softens then and he leans over to give me a gentle kiss on the lips. Quickly, before he could pull back, I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer, feeling safe in his warmth. "Aishiteru, Angel, remember that. But I have to get moving before I'm grounded. Call me, okay?"

I nod, and respond quietly as I let him go, "Aishiteru Taichi." He grins, gives me another kiss on the cheek, then walks out the door.

For a moment I just stand there, watching his retreating back down the hallway, before I finally remember to close the door. Feeling tired suddenly, I head over to the couch and collapse onto it, staring at the ceiling in a daze. Then I recalled the paper that was still in my hand and held them up where I could see them. They are two thin slips... dance tickets. Oh shit. You'd think I'd have figured out that Taichi was leading up to this with all those questions on the dance, but I hadn't actually thought he'd want to take me!

For a moment I was overjoyed. Imagine, going to a dance with my gorgeous koibito, having his arms wrapped around me, swaying to the beat in time with him. Kami-Sama, he's just the greatest, most wonderful... Then the other facts suddenly hit me in the head. A dance meant being trapped in a room packed with other people. A school dance meant that I would know a lot of those people and many of them probably still hate me. With hardly any air, bumping against strangers and friends alike all night, not to mention all the shadows that the dance lights form, I could go insane! Dammit, what the hell was Taichi thinking? He knew... he knew... 'Kuso, and he still wants me to go with him.

'I'll be by your side to protect you no matter what.' Taichi would be there, and he wants to help me. But... I don't know if I can. I just don't know. I want to dance with Taichi so bad, and... Ugh, how could he do this to me? Fuming, and feeling ready to cry at the same time, I stomp to my room and grab the phone. Flopping down on my bed I dial Taichi's number.

"Moshi moshi, Yagami residence." I recognize Taichi's voice the second he starts to speak.

"What the hell are you thinking?! How could you?! You know... I can't... this is... Fuck! I can't even believe it!" I shout into the phone, not even sure why I'm feeling this pissed over something so small.

There's a second of silence after I finish ranting in half formed sentences, then he speaks in a serious tone, "Yamato, it isn't that bad. I-"

"Isn't that bad?!" I cut him off. Damn, I can't even think straight right now. "You just gave me the biggest dilemma I've ever had in my life, and you're calling that 'not bad'?"

"Get a grip Yama. If you really don't want to go-"

"But I do! I mean I can't! It's just... you know I can't Taichi. There's just too many... I can't." Oh God, my head's in a frenzy now. I want to go... Oh I want to go so badly.

"And you don't have to." He tone is neutral, but I know he's disappointed with me. He keeps going before I can speak again, "It was just an idea. I thought maybe we could have a good time at the dance, then after we can stay at one of our places to just chill, eat and crap. It's okay if you don't want to though, I told you I understand."

I can't speak for a moment, and instead take a deep breath, trying hard to calm my racing heart. This is so stupid. It shouldn't even be a hard decision. I want to go with Taichi, I don't want to disappoint him like this. But it's so hard... "Taichi?" I ask hesitantly after a few minutes of silence, through which Taichi surprisingly remained quiet.

He answers tonelessly, "Yes Yama-chan?"

"I don't know if... but... you'd be with me, right? The entire time?" I sound so unsure of myself, which I really am. This is a big risk for me, but at the same time I think I need this.

"Of course, Angel." His voice sounds a little hopeful, "I'd be right by your side every second. We'll have a good time dancing, just you and me." There's some more silence as I try to think over the pros and cons of going. But all I can really think about is being with my Taichi. He's all that really matters, and maybe he'll be enough to keep my mind off of everything else. "Angel? You still there?"

An amused laugh escapes me as I hear the worry in his voice, "Yes Taichi, I'm still here." I quickly sober then and continue, "Taichi... I'd like... I'd like to go with you."

There's the sound of an indrawn breath, then he asks as if not quite believing it, "Really? You'll let me take you to the dance?" He sounds so excited, making me suddenly feel sure of myself. I'm doing the right thing.

"Yeah. I trust you Taichi." I smile as I hear some muffled yells of 'Yes! yes!' in the background, then laugh, "Baka! I can hear you!"

"Oh, hehe, right." He sounds out of breath and in the background I can hear one of his parents telling him to stop jumping around. "So it's a date then? Friday night, I'll pick you up at eight?"

Now I'm starting to feel excited about this, I guess it's catching. "Yeah, it's a date." My eyes roll automatically as I hear more racket over the phone. "Anyway, I should go make dinner now, so I'll see you tomorrow at school?"

"Definitely! Aishiteru Yama-chan." He says gleefully.

I smile while I answer quietly, "Aishiteru." Then I slowly hang up, my head stuck up in the clouds. It's a wonderful feeling when you make someone you love so happy. I'm glad I agreed, even if it will be hard to face the actual event. Sitting there peacefully, I just daydream about my koi and all the happy memories we've had together until I hear my father yelling for me to get dinner started before we all starve.

***

It's the night of the dance. God, I'm so nervous that the butterflies in my stomach haven't stopped all day, which meant that school had been just plain torture for me. Taichi's picking me up in an hour and right now I'm having the hugest stress attack ever. Of course, it doesn't help when there's two girls, namely Miyako and Mimi, looking over ever single piece of my clothing, more than once, and just pretty much acting very... well, girlish. And then there's my brother along with his hyper active boyfriend, who feel the need to sit around, get in the way, and make smart remarks about everything. In other words, I'm having a nervous break down. I wonder how Taichi's getting along with Sora and 'Kari... I hope they're torturing him as much as I'm being tortured right now.

"Now maybe these pants with this shirt, they do look good together," Mimi hummed from where she was holding up an outfit.

Miyako shook her head, already working out another shirt from under the huge pile in the middle of the floor, "Uh uh, they really don't go well with his pale complexion... maybe something darker..."

"Yeah, 'guess you're right." Mimi agreed while tossing the shirt and pants aside and digging something else out.

Shaking my head from my huddled position on the bed, I just watch all this with growing unease. They don't even bother to ask my opinion! It's not like I'm a little boy anymore, I know how to dress myself! "Girls..." I mutter quietly, making sure they don't overhear and start harassing me even further. Looking away, I spot Takeru with his head stuck in my closet, "TK, what do you think you're doing?" I ask, exasperated. Daisuke had already left for the kitchen, bored of all this nonsense, and I was just thinking of joining him and forgetting the whole thing.

A muffled voice answered me while some more clothes flew by, "Looking for that shirt... you know the one..."

"Uh... right." I fight the urge to roll my eyes, failing dramatically, and return to my previous position. Like he could find something that would satisfy those crazy females. Since when did he know anything about fashion anyway?

Suddenly there was a yell of triumph and the blonde head came tumbling out of the closet, "I found it! I found it! I can't believe you still have this! Look Mimi, Miya, this is perfect."

Groaning, I make myself look over at what he is holding up. It's a shirt, one that used to be one of my favorites after the Digital World. It's one of those relaxed button up shirts, deep ocean blue in color. The sleeves had always been a bit long for me, but it was comfortable and all in all pretty good looking. 'Please let this be the one' I prayed silently to myself. The girls then gave screams of delight and raced over to grab the shirt.

"Oh my! This is nice! Look at the color, it matches his eyes perfectly!" Mimi nodded in approval as Miyako finished inspecting it. I sigh in relief as she brings it over to me. "Try this on!"

Glad to oblige, I slip into it after stripping off the pullover I had had on, and buttoned it up easily. Wow, it fits me better than it ever had before, guess I grew into it. Takeru spoke up from where he was watching after being pushed out of the way by the girls, "Yeah, I had just thought of it, but I wasn't sure what you had done with it after the last time you wore it. I remember that Tai always got this funny look when you had it on, 'though I don't think he realized why." I feel a small blush creep across my cheeks. If Taichi liked this shirt, then this was the one I was going to wear. I was then smacked in the face with a tight pair of black pants and told to put those on as well.

"Hey, are guys done... Whoa!" Daisuke halted in the doorway, gaping at me as I stood there clad in my dance outfit. "M-Matt? God, you look... hot! Tai's one hell of a lucky guy!"

I stared back incredulously, my face turning even redder than before. Taichi's always telling me that I'm beautiful or cute or hot and so on, but to actually hear someone else say it... well, let's just say it's quite a boost in the self-esteem area. Then I noticed that the younger boy was still staring in shock and the look on my brother's face was growing darker by the second, "Uh... thanks Daisuke. So you think Taichi will like it?" I asked, just to break the uncomfortable silence that had descended... well, besides the giggling girls that is.

"Hell yeah!" He grinned, not seeming to notice his boyfriend's warning looks, "You'll have everybody wanting to dance with you!"

Laughing a little at his enthusiasm, I smile back gratefully. Actually I don't care if everybody wants to dance with me anyway; the only one I care about is my Taichi-koi.

"Daisuke! You... You're just... just... oh forget it!" Takeru suddenly snapped, throwing his hands up in the air and storming out the door. Uh oh, he's pissed. Guess it's kinda hard seeing your boyfriend looking at your own brother that way.

Daisuke stares confusedly at the spot Takeru had just vacated before chasing him out of the room. I could hear him yelling, "What? What did I do? Tell me! Ta~ake-chan!" With a self satisfied grin, I smooth down my shirt and leave for the bathroom to start on my hair. The girls just stay behind chatting, Mimi already dressed for the dance.

***

For a long time I just sat on the stool in front of the mirror, staring at my reflection. I had finished gelling and combing my hair out a few minutes ago, and now all I could do was sit here unmoving. There's a scar there, on the side of my forehead just below the hairline, that had caught my attention. Funny, I had never noticed it before, seeing as it was quite visible to me now. Hesitantly I reach up and touch it lightly, never taking my gaze off of the reflection, then run my thumb along it. Just another reminder, that's what it is. An ugly imperfection to remind me of that fateful night, standing out clearly from my skin. I wonder... has Taichi ever noticed it before?

With a grimace, I quickly pick up the comb and brush some hair over the scar, hiding it from everyone, including myself. Sighing, I turn my back to the mirror. I shouldn't care, Taichi doesn't so I shouldn't either. He says I'm beautiful, that I'm an angel. I trust him and love him so much that it hurts. It's very doubtful he'd turn away from me because of one little scar, especially after everything we've been through. I try so hard to quiet the doubts that are in my mind, the ones telling me that maybe it will be tonight that he will suddenly realize that he doesn't really love me, that I really am ugly and all along he had just been blind to it... that maybe he'll finally see the larger, uglier scar inside of me and turn away, disgusted. What if he doesn't want someone that has been so carelessly used like I have been. What if he sees a girl at the dance and suddenly realizes that she's so much more beautiful than I ever could be, and that maybe he's not in love with me after all. What if... What if...

"'Kuso!" I mutter, disgusted with myself. This is stupid! I shouldn't be having these doubts, not like this. Taking a breath, I force myself to turn back around and face my reflection. I stare at it hard, noting all that things that Taichi has complemented on over the past - my eyes, hair, pale skin... smile... Quickly I smile at the mirror and feel much better. "He loves me. Taichi loves me" I tell myself, knowing how ridiculous I must sound, but I needed to hear it out of my own mouth. He won't let me down, I know he won't. Tonight will be fun and that's all there is to it. No more doubts, I can't have them while trusting my koi, it just doesn't work.

Suddenly there is a muffled knock at the door, but before I could react there was the thumping of feet and the sound of delighted yells as the others all raced to the door. I can hear Mimi's shrill voice exclaiming over how good of a job Sora did, and Taichi's own voice trying to calm her down and to find out where I am. Well, this is it. There's no way to back out of it now, I just hope Taichi will like what he sees. Taking a deep, calming breath I stand up and open the bathroom door, stepping out into the hall just in time to see an exasperated brunette teen coming towards me.

"Hi Taichi." I greet him, amazed at how good he looks. Well, he always looks good, but now it's beyond that! He's wearing a smoky grey dress shirt, its sleeves ending just above his elbows and the last few buttons at the collar were left undone, letting some of his smooth tanned skin show. The shirt was worn untucked over a pair of loose black khakis, and all in all he looked pretty darn sexy!

At the same time, Taichi saw me and stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widened. He didn't say anything at first, just stood there staring with his mouth half open. I watched him back a little uncomfortably, hoping that this was a good sign. Then just as I was wondering what to say, Taichi spoke in a choked voice, "Yama-chan?" He slowly starts to walk towards me, looking somewhat dazed as I nervously stayed where I was. Once he was standing right in front of me, he hesitantly reached out a hand and cupped my cheek, "You're just so... so... breath-taking. My Angel..." Captivated by his intensely darkened eyes, I let myself be pulled against him, his lips pressing eagerly against my own. Briefly closing my eyes, I feel a million emotions overcome me, causing me to moan slightly with happiness. This was a dream... a dream come true. His breath was hot against my skin as he pulled back a little, his thumb stroking my cheek lightly. We didn't, couldn't, say anything ensnared as we were in each other's gazes. Every single little doubt had fled my mind and now I was in complete bliss. Nothing could make me afraid while I was wrapped up in his arms like this.

This precious moment was broken, not surprisingly, by a flash of light and a chorus of aww's. Blinking out of our trance, we both blushed as we turned to face the others. Kari was waving her camera around, giggling, while the other girls... Sora, Mimi, and Miyako... just stood there starry eyed. Taichi rolled his eyes, beating me to it, and grumbled, "I just haven't been able to get away from these girls all day! This is becoming very annoying."

I just smile at him, hugging him closer to me, and walk towards the foyer. The herd of girls followed closely behind. We silently put on our coats and shoes, letting the females do all the talking. When we were ready, I finally called out, "Takeru!" There was no way he was staying here all night.

The blonde boy calmly walked out of the front room with a sulking Daisuke behind him. "Oh, hi Tai. 'You guys going now?"

I nodded, "Yeah, you should get going now too before mom becomes worried."

"What's the matter Daisuke?" Taichi suddenly spoke up as Daisuke moodily tugged on his own shoes to follow Takeru.

He looked up and shrugged, "Take-chan's not speaking to me. And it's all your boyfriend's fault!"

"It is not Matt's fault!" Takeru sighed, crossing his arms and glaring at his second half, "It's yours for drooling over Matt like you were!"

"He what?!" Taichi suddenly looked a little outraged.

"I was not drooling over him!" Daisuke interrupted defensively, "I was just complementing him." Suddenly he brightened up, "So anyway, now that you're talking to me again, do you want to ask your mom if I could stay at your place for the night?"

I just laugh a little at the disbelieving look on Takeru's face before turning back to Taichi, shaking my head, "Just ignore them. 'You ready to go?"

Blinking with some confusion, Taichi looks at me then grins, "Yeah!" He wraps an arm around me and turns to face the group, "Okay then, you younger ones better be out of this apartment before we come back. Sora, Mimi, let's go."

"And don't forget to lock the door before you leave, TK." I reminded him before letting my koi lead me out of the door. The two older girls fell in step beside us as we headed for the stairs. Well... here I go, I guess. This night will either help bring back my faith in humanity or scare me off for the rest of my life. Kami... I so hope for the former.

~*~
Tai's POV

The dance was in full swing by the time we arrived. As we stepped through the doors of the gymnasium the pounding of music and voices just about knocked us back out again. It was great! I was so excited to be here, especially with my boyfriend who at the moment seemed to be trying to melt right into my side. Quickly I tightened my arm around him and whispered, needing to bring my mouth right to his ear so that he could hear me over the noise, "Are you okay, Angel?" He nodded slightly, but didn't speak and I could see how most of the color had drained from his face. His body shook slightly as he gazed wide eyed at the mass of students surrounding us. Suddenly I realized he was mumbling something under his breath, so I leaned in close to his mouth, trying to make it out. All I got out of it was, 'fuck, fuck, fuck,' repeated over and over. He seemed to be having a hard time breathing, especially as the crowd closed in around us, and I was really starting to worry. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Looking around I finally spotted a quieter corner and pulled Yama towards it, needing to get him to a spot where he would be able to calm down a bit first.

We stood in the corner for a time, waiting for Yamato's breathing to come back to a normal pace. Bright, colorful lights flashed around us, causing shadows to spring up and making it hard to distinguish faces in the crowd. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, most of them dancing on the floor while the rest sat at the refreshment tables and chatted among themselves. After watching the activity for awhile, I finally turned back to my date. As I looked at his face carefully I was relieved to see that it was looking slightly more relaxed, and his eyes had returned almost to normal size again. "Do you feel better now?" I ask him anxiously, hoping we wouldn't have to leave quite yet. I just have to get him over this shock of so many people in one little space.

Yamato nervously straightened the collar of his shirt, still staring out into the crowd. It seemed as though he was in shock over it or something. Finally he managed a shaky, "Yeah... I-I think so."

I squeeze his waist comfortingly, "Do you want to just go to the refreshments for awhile? Maybe we'll find some of our friends there." My suggestion just seemed to make him even more nervous as he eyed the mass of bodies standing between us and the tables.

"I...I don't think..." He sighed and lowered his eyes to the floor, whispering, "I can't do it. I... I can't go through th-them again." I felt ready to cry when I saw the defeated look on his face. "I'm... sorry."

For a moment I didn't say anything, just tried to rapidly think of a way to save this night and Yamato's feelings. There had to be something... something to get his mind away from what he feared so much. But what? Then I had an idea... there was something that could wipe away most of those fears, that could make him feel less afraid, more secure. I grin at the thought. "Hey Yama-chan?" He looks at me finally, his eyes showing pain and sadness. Kami, I hope this works. "Do you trust me?" I hold my breath even though I know what his answer will be.

Looking surprised for a second, he nods, "Of course, Taichi." Some of the pain lessens.

I smile at him, "Then will you come and dance with me?"

"What?!" His blue eyes widen again in shock before they flicker over to the dance floor, "But... but there's..."

I quickly put a finger to his lips and shake my head, "Don't worry about them. They're just a bunch of kids having fun. Just keep your eyes on me, think about only how you and I are together, dancing, having our own good time. Do you think you can do that? For me?" The doubt still remains on his face, but at least it looks like a thoughtful doubt.

Finally Yamato sighs again and nods a little, "O-okay. I'll try..." I grin encouragingly at him, taking his hand tightly into my own as I start to lead him through the mobs of people. Not once do I break eye contact with him, letting him see my faith in him and keeping him from thinking about anything else. It seems to work, much to my relief, as he keeps his eyes trained on mine. Once I've judged that we've moved out far enough, I bring him in a little closer to me.

We're surrounded on all sides by other couples, but fortunately Yama doesn't seem to notice as we keep our eye contact up. I smile again and feel happiness well up inside of me as he rewards me with a small, hesitant smile back. "You, my Angel, are the most beautiful being that I have ever laid eyes on." Yamato's cheeks redden as his smile widens and he carefully lays his hands on my shoulders. Another slow song starts and with a dizzying feeling of love I place my hands on his slender waist. So far nobody has even payed much attention to this, most of them already knowing about our relationship, and Yamato finally starts to relax. I could actually feel the tension drain from his body. Couples around us start swaying to the music and I draw my love's body closer to join in.

It was perfect, everything was at this moment. The music flowed around us, locking us in our own small world where we were all that mattered. Yamato's hair softly glowed in golden radiance as his majestic azure eyes held my own. I cared for nothing except the moment and the angel in my arms, moving his graceful body with mine. His face was lit up with complete wonder as his arms slid over my shoulders until he was hugging me around the neck, his nose only inches from my own. His warm breath played along my lips and suddenly I found myself wanting my Yama more than ever before, my heart aching with desire. His expression showed that he felt exactly the same way.

The song ended all too soon and as the last note rung softly through the air I pulled Yamato foreword the last few inches and kissed his lips gently. He smiled, blushing. "Thanks," was all he whispered, his eyes putting so much feeling into that single word.

"No problem, Angel." I smiled back, brushing a bit of blonde from his forehead. Then the next song came on and we started the beautiful process all over again. It was a perfect night.

***

"G'night Tai! 'Night Matt! See you guys tomorrow!" Mimi yelled from the doors of the school gym as she waited with Sora for their dates to finish up with whatever they were doing.

"'Night girls!" I waved back, grinning from ear to ear as I hugged my koi close to my side. We turned then and headed across the parking lot to where the car I had borrowed from my dad was parked. God, what a night that was! I hadn't had such a good time in so long. And what was more, Yama seemed to have had just a good a time as I.

Yamato walked beside me, quietly smiling while leaning his head on my shoulder, his eyes half closed with fatigue. The air was pretty warm and even I felt drowsy. When we reached the car, Yamato silently detached himself from my arm and slid into the passenger side while I went around to the driver's seat. As we drove home I watched the other from the corner of my eye, noticing how deep in thought he looked. I decided it best not to break his concentration. The ride was short, the destination being Yamato's apartment as we had known ahead of time that his dad would be out very late at work again. I already had my overnight stuff in the car.

It wasn't until he had unlocked the door and we stepped inside the apartment that he spoke, "Are you hungry Taichi? Or thirsty?"

I quickly slipped off my shoes and followed him into the kitchen, "I'll just have a Pepsi, thanks." I told him after we had examined the 'fridge. He poured some water for himself and we left for the front room, relaxing onto the couch. I watched as Yamato took a sip from his glass before setting it on the table and leaning back with a small sigh. Then I asked, a bit anxiously, "Did you have a good time, Yama-chan?"

His eyes closed for a moment, a small smile playing on his lips, "Yeah, the best." He just looked so fine, completely relaxed and happy. His cheeks were still slightly flushed from the previous excitement, golden hair disarrayed from the wild dancing. In fact, he looked happier and more lively than I've seen him in quite awhile.

"I'm glad," I told him, grinning. Then I leaned over and kissed him... he's just too beautiful. Instantly Yama wrapped an arm around my shoulders, trying to keep me in place as I happily slipped my tongue into his mouth, enjoying his now familiar taste. It wasn't until minutes later that the kiss ended when I finally pulled away a couple of inches to gain back some breath. As I stared blissfully into his endless blue eyes I noticed how glazed over they are, filled with pure pleasure. Dipping in again, feeling the sudden urge to hear my love moan with that pleasure, I trapped his bottom lip in my mouth, sucking it slowly. I heard the purr-like sound rise from his throat as he gasped, "Oh Kami-sama... Taichi... I-I..."

"Ye~es...?" I grinned, pulling back once again while caressing his pale cheek with one hand. He's got the softest skin ever, so smooth to the touch.

The next thing that came out of his mouth shocked me to the core, snapping me back to full awareness... "I think... I think I'm ready now. Please Taichi...?"

~*~

Matt's POV

"I think... I think I'm ready now. Please Taichi...?" I don't think I even realized what had just come out of my mouth at that instant. All I felt was a burst of desire and the need to be as close as possible with my Taichi. It had just been the most wonderful night of my life and now I wanted it to end perfectly as well. The dance had been more splendid than I had ever dreamed it to be. All I had had to do was focus on Taichi and all the fears just slipped away. There was no more doubt in my mind... Taichi loved me and I trusted him with every bit of my heart. What better way to show this trust?

A serious look came into his eyes as he stared hard into mine and for a moment I got a horrible feeling that maybe this wasn't what he wanted at all. "Yamato... I... Are you sure?" I nod slowly, trying to gauge the emotions in his face. Was I wrong? No... I couldn't be, not after all that he's done for me. "I just... I don't want to hurt you Yama-chan. You can't tell me that your fear has suddenly vanished in one night."

I smiled then, suddenly understanding his hesitation. He doesn't get it, not yet. I need him... I need this. "Of course I'm still afraid Taichi, but that's why I want it now. You can help break that fear because... I'm not afraid of you." Please Taichi, I need you so bad, only you can help me.

There's a spark of hope and want in his eyes as he stares at me thoughtfully for a few moments. I know he's been wanting this for a long time now, but I've always been to afraid of any type of sexual contact and he's been afraid of hurting me. I'm still scared, and I know this won't be easy, but I trust Taichi more than I trust anybody. Then he leans towards me again, pressing his lips gently against my own before pulling back and standing up. "Taichi...?" Where's he going? Why? I thought...

Suddenly he grins and picks me up despite my indignant yelp of surprise. Cradling me in his arms, he starts towards the bedroom, whispering in my ear, "We can't do it on the couch where your dad will see us, can we? The bed sounds much more comfortable anyhow." I feel the blush across my cheeks as he gently sets me down on my bed, then become distracted from the embarrassment when he continues the kiss. Our lips passionately press together, tongues entwining, letting me fall into the taste of my Taichi. I feel so safe when he's with me like this and I'm so happy that everything has turned out the way it has. I don't know what I would be doing right now if Taichi hadn't come back to me, most likely I wouldn't even be alive, but with him I know that everything will turn out all right.

Slowly Taichi eases himself onto the bed with me, his body covering mine in a warmth that I've come to rely on from him. As I run a hand through his thick hair, letting the soft strands slide through my fingers, my koi starts to move his lips downwards. A soft gasp escapes me when he pauses to suck gently at my lower lip, then he sends soft butterfly kisses down my chin to my neck. The emotions run through me so rapidly that I feel as if they are about to explode right out of my skin. I close my eyes against them while feeling Taichi's tongue dart out to lick the skin at the base of my neck. He moves again, now sucking pleasurably where my shoulder meets neck, causing me moan and hug him tighter. "Taichi... Please... I love you..." Eager fingers start to fumble with the buttons of my shirt, his mouth coming back up to reunite with mine, and with a feeling of dazed wonderment I start to mimic him, searching for the buttons of his own shirt. When we finally break away a bit both of us are breathing heavier, feeling the anticipation of what was to come. Fortunately my mind was too distracted by the sparkling, chocolate eyes in front of my face to comprehend what I was about to get into.

"Oh Yama..." My lover breathed as we finally were rid of the discouraging shirts. His hand ran lightly over my bare stomach, causing me to shiver slightly, "So beautiful." The sight of his own tanned chest turned me on even more. Muscles rippled all over his upper body, his stomach moving a bit as he breathed. Hesitantly I reach out and lay a hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat rhythmically against it. He smiles at me, leaning down once again to claim my lips. This time I was the first to push my tongue against his, feeling the heat building up between us. It was as if the entire world had just blown away, leaving us to ourselves alone. It became harder to breathe, and Taichi's own breaths came quicker. Soon I felt something sliding down to my waist and realized a second later that it was his hand. He kept it there, just above the band of my jeans as if asking permission to go further. After another fiery moment I finally figured out that that was exactly what he was doing when he lifted his head up again to look at me questioningly, my mind still in a sort of fog. Trying not to let the sudden twinge of worry distract me, I encourage him by smiling nervously, mimicking him once again by putting my own hands to his waist.

Satisfied, Taichi dipped down and slipped one of my nipples into his mouth, alternately jabbing at it with his tongue and sucking, causing me to lose myself once again in a fiery wave of pleasure. I distantly felt myself harden completely, not even aware that I was desperately trying to slip Taichi's own pants off while he repeatedly attacked my chest with his oh so wonderful tongue. How the heck he was so good at this was beyond me, but I sure wasn't about to start complaining.

It wasn't until I felt his hand slipping beneath my boxers that the shock came full blast. A force of memories swooped into my head... the nightmarish images of hands forcing my clothes off, pushing me to the ground... hurting me. Oh God... the pain! With a cry I try to push them away, to get away from the hurt and their dirty intentions. Dark wings beating at my mind, hurting me, scaring me. I can't stand it... go away... go away and leave me alone! "Yamato!" Taichi calls out my name suddenly, causing my vision to clear as I lay gasping and staring at the ceiling.

There's minutes of silence where neither of us are willing to speak. Faded images still haunt me while I keep my gaze away from the one I was supposed to be trusting. Taichi's still sitting on my legs where I had pushed him and I feel the frustrated tears start leaking out of the corner of my eyes. Why? I had been so sure that with him I wouldn't have to remember. It was so unfair! Especially for Taichi. I probably just ruined everything...

"Yama-chan... don't cry... I'm sorry." I feel his hand gently wipe my cheeks, his soft, guilty tone just making me want to cry harder.

Instead I choke out a small laugh, "Why... why are you sorry? I was the one... I'm so stupid!"

"No your not! Don't say that Angel." He leans down to kiss my cheek lightly, "I understand."

I shake my head, "No you don't! It's just... just..." He can't understand. I still need to do this. If I stop now then everything will be gone, just like that. Would Taichi even feel comfortable around me after this? I sure won't. Taking his head in my hands, I pull his face down into a forceful kiss, trying to show him that I wasn't afraid... not of him anyway. When we part, he looks slightly dazed but is still frowning a bit. "I need you Taichi... I need you to help me. I want to do this with you, but it's hard. Please don't leave?" Please, please, please don't leave me Taichi. I think that's what I'm afraid of most... more than anything that those guys did to me. I couldn't stand it if Taichi left me now.

For a second he looks like he's about to object, to pull away and tell me that we can't do this now, but then he sighs and his expression softens. "I don't want to hurt you, Angel."

"I know," I give him a weak smile, running my hands lazily up and down his bare back, "But you told me it would only hurt at first and I trust you."

Finally his frown disappears and a small grin breaks out on his face, "You really want me like this? You're sure, Yama-chan?" I nod, trying to look more secure about this than I really am. What if it does hurt for a long time? The thought disappears to the back of my mind as I feel my koi's gentle lips gracing own once again. "Then I need you to do something for me again, okay?" He whispers as he parts a little, worry still evident in his gaze. I nod again and he continues in a soft tone, "I want you to only think about me, not about anything or anybody from the past, just me. I'm the one with you, not those bastards. Keep your mind on what's happening instead of what happened."

"I'll try." Is all I say, hoping to everything almighty that I would be able to keep focussed enough not to slip into those godforsaken memories. Then we're locked in another passionate kiss, shoving everything bad from my mind in light of the moment. There's only us... only Taichi, me and our love. His body pressed against mine, the feeling of skin contact sending shocking tingles through me. This time he didn't make any moves except for working my mouth with his own; sucking on my lip and wrestling tongues with me.

My head felt light, images of Taichi swirling together in a blur, and before long I was mumbling for more. I wanted more from my koi, my hands tangling in his long hair as I tried to encourage him to continue from where he had left off previously. "You're sure?" He softly asked again, waiting for my impatient nod before sending his lips down my neck as he had done before. Gentle hands crept down my sides, causing me to gasp a little at the ticklish sensation, then rested on my hips.

"T-Taichi... I'm o-okay." I encouraged him breathlessly when he had only continued to play his tongue over my chest, his hands still unmoving. At the sound of my voice I felt Taichi relax a little, both of us starting to pant as we moved our hands restlessly over each other's bodies. So lost in the moment I was that I didn't notice the way my pants were slowly being slipped away until the coldness hit my heat in a chilly wave. Gasping, my eyes widened as a bit of darkness hovered near my mind, threatening to hurt me once again. This time it was something else though, a new type of fear that I hadn't thought of before. "Taichi...?" Something in my voice must have startled him because a second later I was staring into a pair of very concerned eyes. Breathing hard, and shaking with anticipation, I asked him, "You... you won't l-leave me... a-after this... will you?"

"No... my Angel." Taichi smiled at me in a way that made my heart leap and a feeling of security fall over me like a comfort blanket, "I love you... too much... 'promise. I'll never leave you, not ever." From the very deepest corners of my soul and heart I knew this to be true. Taichi wasn't like the others, he wouldn't just use me then lose me, never. And finally the last of the darkness fled for good, leaving me in peace.

Elated, I leaned up to give my love a kiss, pushing all of my emotions into that one movement. From there everything built up into a tower of passion and love. We both kicked off the last of our clothing, clinging to each other in mounting lust. I was gently laid onto my back again, my eyes feeling heavy in the heat circulating between us. Both of us emitted moans as we came in contact, erections throbbing almost painfully. With a look of want in his face, Taichi gazed down at me pleadingly, "Ya-Yama?" Breathing heavily, I pull him down into a wet kiss while nodding my consent. I was still a little nervous about the actual event, but I trusted him too much to let that fear be felt. "We need... need lubrication... don't wanna... hurt you."

Lubrication? I'd completely forgot about that, seeing as the only other time this had happened they hadn't used anything that would ease my pain purposely. Wriggling over to the edge of the bed, I open the nightstand's drawer, hoping that there'd be something in there. My concentration was lost for a moment as Taichi started to suck gently at my earlobe, his wet tongue feeling good against my hot skin. Then two minutes later I had what I needed in my hand and shakily pushed it into his hands, feeling ready to burst any moment from need. He nodded approvingly before leaning down to capture my lips with his, drowning my impatience with his fiery lips. My body was on fire, the odor of sex filling the room and I fell into a sort of dazed bliss as I hungrily joined in, my biggest dream coming true. Nothing registered in my mind at that moment as I tried to get the most out of my Taichi, loving his taste and familiarity.

Suddenly an odd sensation shot through me and I gasped, pulling my head away confusedly. What was going on now? With an unintentional whimper I cling onto my koi harder, trying to make sense of the situation. "It's okay, Angel." Taichi whispered, kissing my cheek softly, "I'm just... just stretching you... 'Won't hurt as much." The information calmed me a bit, but the intruding feeling wouldn't go away. I hate the helplessness I'm suddenly feeling, the thought that this is it and there's no stopping it. Taichi has complete control over me now. With his other hand Taichi turned my head, his thumb running across my cheek, "If you want me... to stop... just say so..." He would stop too, no questions, and I knew it. Maybe I'm not in such a helpless situation after all. I smile a little and shake my head. It wasn't so bad really, it didn't hurt so far, just felt strange. Another kiss and I forgot almost all about it, ignoring the way the feeling grew as more fingers entered me one at a time. "Just relax Yama... relax..." I tried, but it was hard to. I didn't like the intrusion. That is I didn't until he started moving his fingers and a sudden intense fire shot through me, causing me to cry out with pleasure. More, oh Kami, I wanted to feel that again!

"Taichi!" I gasped, pulling him closer to me in a fit of passion. Then his hand wrapped gently around my erection, causing a whole new stream of lustful emotions to flow through me. I felt his breath against my skin as he kissed my neck before he retracted his fingers. The loss of them suddenly made me want to cry; I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed having Taichi inside of me. He softly quieted my whimpering with promises of more to come.

Slowly Taichi let go of me and took hold of my legs, bringing them up over his shoulders. When no more movement occurred, I cracked open my eyes; I don't even remember closing them. He was staring down at me, eyes darkened almost black with lust and love. Finally he asked, his voice low and husky, "This... this might hurt. Are you... sure about this?" Entranced by the beauty in front of me, I just dumbly nod. I'd take the pain, for my Taichi I would. If I made it this far, a little hurt won't stop me. "If you ever... just tell me... tell me to stop." I nod again as his lips descend upon mine, distracting me for a moment from everything else.

Then there was pain, real pain this time. Fighting back a scream at knives cutting through me, I just sob in terrified breaths, closing my eyes as I fight back tears. It hurt, the pain was filling me and I wanted nothing more than to just make it go away. Too much... "Y-Yama?" His shaky voice caused me to open my eyes again, tears leaking down my cheeks. Darkness once again threatening to overtake my mind. Then realization dawned on me. Taichi was staying as still as he could, holding back as he waited for me to make some sort of okay sign. There was worry in his face again, "Do... do y-you want... me t-to..." It was hard for him to not move, I could see that very well. Sweat beading on his forehead and his hands gripping my shoulders 'till they felt bruised. He was doing this for me... If I told him to get up and leave right this instant, he would. No, I did want this, I wanted him inside of me, to feel apart of him and his wonderful life. To bind us together in a way nothing else could. The pain then felt lessened and I could tell now that it didn't even come close to what I had felt when I had been raped. Besides, this was so different; from the way he held me to the way he was so carefully keeping himself from hurting me.

Feeling gratefully eased I relaxed, shifting my hold so that my hands were pushing at him to continue. Taichi finally let out a desperate moan and slid the rest of the way into me, lessening my pain with a well placed kiss. It still hurt but now I could feel the pleasure of it as well. Passion and lust overtook us then as he pulled out part way and back in again. Our moans and gasps intermingled, sweaty bodies moving in harmonious rhythm. This... Oh Kami-sama... this was so good! So much better than I had thought it would be. It didn't hurt at all now; Taichi hitting that once perfect spot over and over again, my body filled with painful desire.

The intense feeling grew, my muscles tensing more and more and I could feel Taichi shivering with excitement as he randomly placed wet kisses all over my face, neck and chest while moaning my name out loud between each one. I felt ready to burst, my heat throbbing painfully, and the last straw came when Taichi's wandering hand closed over it. Two pumps and I came, my head bursting in a whirl of colors and lights. Clutching at Taichi I cried out his name, revering the sound, and distantly I could hear his own cries. I could feel his seed filling me, a part of him to stay with me forever. It was the most intense moment I had ever felt, nothing in this world could compare. For that one instant our hearts beat together, our minds merged into one mind.

After scant minutes, 'though it seemed eternity, we collapsed utterly spent. Taichi lay panting on top of me for a few minutes before drawing out and rolling over. Chest heaving from the effort, I don't even try to move, my mind yet unable to grasp that it was over. My Taichi, the one I had been crushing over ever since I had gotten to know him, loves me back like no other could.

It wasn't until a chill started to seep over me that I turned to look over at my koi, finding his own soft eyes already upon me. When he noticed my gaze he smiled in the way I loved, reaching over to brush his hand along my cheek. A wave of fatigue swept over me, my eyelids feeling heavy with want of sleep. I waited a moment as Taichi reached away to pull the blankets over us before snuggling up to him. A soft sigh came from both of us as he wrapped his warm arms around me, drawing my body closer to him. Laying my head on his chest, I close my eyes and listen contentedly to his soothing heart beat. He relaxes beneath me, kissing the top of my head before laying back on the pillow, his hands running over my back and through my hair lazily. This and his warmth soon lulled me to into sleep, feeling utterly content for the first time in months and completely fulfilled. That hole inside, the one that had for so long haunted me, was gone. Whatever the others had taken away from me had just now been replaced with something that I could never lose. I would never be alone again, not as long as I had my Taichi with me, protecting and loving me.

"I love you, my darling Angel."

THE END

(A/N) Sorry, I had to cut it off there! It would just get too long and repetitive if I kept it going. Wow, I hope that last bit was okay seeing as it was the first lemon I've ever done, and I really didn't get into too much description which was probably a good thing but this was mostly supposed to be about Yamato getting through his fears I suppose. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed the entire fic, and thank you so much for all those great reviews. I'm glad so many of you enjoyed it, and hopefully I'll start writing something else soon... 'though that might take a little while with the absence of ideas running through my head!