The box

Chapter 1: Marauders Style

Disclaimer: Everything you see…does NOT belong to either of the authors of this story…though the songs have been re-written or changed for ours use

AN: this is a joint author fic by Ms. Prongs and Ms. Padfoot  WYLTK the female prodigy's of the marauders. We hope you enjoy our wonderfully evil fic! *giggles evily*

Chapter 1 takes place in the time of the marauders..hence the title.  So enjoy!

"Padfoot! Watch out your going to catch something on fire." Lily berated him. She had been buried in her book for the last ten minutes. She didn't even have to raise her head though to know Sirius was up to something.

And he most defiantly was. Sirius had lighted a candle and put it on his nose. He was now walking around the room with it balanced on his nose. People had been scrambling away from where ever he started to walk.

"Really Lily! Padfoot wouldn't do that!" James amended his girlfriend. Sirius nodded at him happily making the candle dip wildly before he caught it. "He is most likely going to set fire to himself first." Sirius let out a squeak of protest the candle back on his nose.

"I'll take that bet." Lily said not looking up from her book. Her eyes continued to go across the page.

Five seconds later…

"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"

"Pay up Lily." James said holding out his hand. Lily grumbled setting her book down and reaching into her pocket and pulling out a Knut. She dropped it into her hand. "Hey!"

"Never said how much I bet, did I?" Lily said. Remus gave a sharp bark of laughter and slapped James on the back.

"She got you!"

Sirius was holding his hair which had been put out a few seconds before. He whimpered staring at the once long strands of hair.

"Oh! Come here Sirius." muttered Lily sounding irritated. He came over to her and she preformed a quick spell to fix his hair. "Happy?"

Sirius nodded happily. "Yep!"

Lily grumbled again glaring at him evilly.

"What did you ask for, for Christmas?" asked Peter hoping to defuse the three teenagers who were glaring at each other. Well two, Sirius was just smiling vaguely.

"It's your turn Wormtail." said Remus grinning. Peter's king was surrounded in their game of wizard's chess.

"Let's quit for tonight I want to talk." said Peter. Remus nodded and picked up the game.

"Poor Wormtail. Was that bad old Moony beating you again?" Sirius chuckled knowingly. Peter grinned and then nodded looking pitifully sad. "Now Moony! You must stop doing this to your friends." said Sirius slinging his hand over Remus's shoulder. Remus shrugged off his hand.

"What are you getting for Christmas, Sirius?" asked Lily ignoring their antics. Sirius got a evil grin and she knew she had said something stupid.

Sirius jumped onto the coffee table and orchestra music started up. Then Sirius in a magicly magnified voice began to sing.

~*~

"Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Lily and James are mad.

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

I broke my bat on Snappy's head;

Somebody snitched on me.

I hid a frog in Remus's bed;

Somebody snitched on me.

I spilled some ink on Arabella's book;

I made Peter eat a slug;

Bought some gum with Leprechaun Gold;

Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Remus and Peter are mad.

I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

I put a tack on Filch's chair

somebody snitched on me.

I tied a knot in Pomfrey's hair

somebody snitched on me.

I did a dance on Sprout's plants

Climbed a tree and tore my pants

Filled the sugar bowl with ants

somebody snitched on me.

So, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

Arabella and Fletcher are mad.

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas

'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.

I won't be seeing Santa Claus;

Somebody snitched on me.

He won't come visit me because

Somebody snitched on me.

Next year I'll be going straight; (yea right-everyone)

Next year I'll be good, just wait (hah!)

I'd start now, but it's too late; (insert Sirius evil giggles)

Somebody snitched on me.

So you better be good whatever you do

'Cause if you're bad, I'm warning you,

You'll get nuttin' for Christmas."

~*~

The room burst into applause and laughter as Arabella came over to him and knocked him on the back of the head. "That. Was. My. Favorite. Book." This caused another roar of laughter from the common room.

As people started to calm down and go back to their own business James turned to Sirius. "When did you brake your bat over Snape's head?" he asked curiously.

"Heh, A few days ago. Unfortunately it was small and mostly harmless. Only a small concussion. They said he would be fine." Sirius grinned wickedly.

"So that's what you had detention for yesterday." Remus said thoughtfully. "Hey Lily? What time is your perfects meeting?" he asked looking at his watch and frowning.

"5:30 why?" Lily asked. She then looked at the clock above the fire place and screamed. She scrambled up grabbing a book and rushing out of the common room.

"Alright!" said Arabella looking up and glaring at all of them. "Who put the clocks forward a half hour?"

Sirius smiled brightly and raised his hand.

"Who charmed the back of her robes to say kiss me?"

James happily raised his head with a slightly dreamy expression.

"Then Remus you changed her perfects badge to say "Lily Potter Purr-fect kisser"?"

Remus shook his head. "Not me. I helped Sirius with the clocks."

"Then who did it?"

Peter raised his hand grinning wildly. James looked at him and let out a hoot. Remus looked at him in surprise and said "Wormtail!" in a shocked voice. Sirius grinned and slung his arm around Peter's shoulders. "Very good old chap! We're rubbing off on you yet."

"Joy." Arabella muttered darkly as she went after Lily to bring her back.

"What do you think this perfect meeting is all about? They just had one two days ago." Remus asked frowning in thought.

"Who cares?" asked Sirius laying across one of the arm chairs. "Those perfects are probably plotting their financial charts for the next 50 years are something."

"Hey! My girlfriends a perfect!" James protested sending a death glare at him.

"That's why I said it." Sirius mumbled. James glared again and then got a very mischievous smile. He took out his wand and very discretely pointed it at Sirius.

Two seconds later Sirius became the exact replica of an elf. His ears were long and pointed and he had shrunk at least two feet. His close changed to a pair of green pants bunched at the knees and a white shirt with a red vest that had, in white letters, Head Elf on it.

James grinned and everyone started to laugh. He took out a non-flash camera and took a quick picture of the oblivious Sirius.

Just then Lily walked in glowering at all of them. Arabella was behind her staring at Sirius. Lily finally caught sight of the elfish Sirius she started to laugh. Arabella was already beyond that point though. She was rolling around on the floor laughing so hard she was gasping for breath.

Lily finally caught control of themselves and cast a glance at the four of them. Her eyes proceeded to light up and she grinned wildly. "Perfect!" she looked them up and down and grinned. "Perfect." She then trailed off muttering to herself every now and then casting them quick glances. She then ran out of the common room.

James gave a horrified look to his friends and said with dead seriousness. "Lily's got THE *look*." The rest of the guys nodded staring at her scared more then they would admit at her evil grin.

Sirius just then happened to get curious what Arabella found so funny and preceded to look down. "JAMES!"

James started to laugh again and dodged Sirius's attempt to strangle him.

Lily walked in and watched as James and Sirius ran around the room. Remus and Peter were singing quite happily "Sirius the elllllllllf was a jolly happy guy! With a vest and pointed shoes and ears He was such a funny guy!"

Lily smirked as she watch them. "It's all settled." Immediately Sirius and James stopped running and Peter and Remus looked at her scared.

"What is?" Sirius asked suspiciously looking at her.

"You, Sirius, are going to be a elf, James your Rudolph, Remus you're the Grinch, and Peter your Frosty the snow man for our Christmas in Hogsmead." Lily said grinning. "Arabella you're going to be Mrs. Santa and I'll be the girl elf. Snape is Santa."

"LILY! That's just plain cruel!" yelled James.

"I like it!" said Remus grinning from ear to ear.

"NO WAY! I'm NOT BEING FROSTY!"

"LILY! I WON'T BE DRESSED LIKE AN ELF INFRONT OF WHO KNOWS HOW MANY PEOPLE! I mean what would that do for my image?" Sirius grumbled.

"Improve it." said Lily immediately.

"Lily! Shame on you! Anyways what I want to know, Sirius, is WHAT Image?" Remus said smirking.

"If you guys don't do it I'll show Snape those pictures of your PJ's in first year. You know the ones with the…" Lily was cut off by four guys slapping their hands over her mouth.

"No problem!"

"We would love to!"

"Our honor."

"Do I have to where the ears?"

"SIRIUS!" yelled all three guys.

"Sorry." He said meekly.

Over the course of the next few days something very strange happened. The Marauders known for their pranks and spotlight stealing abilities were totally and completely quiet. In fact they had stayed in there little corner of the Gryffindor common room huddled together and rejecting all offers to come out and talk.

That's when people started to get afraid. Loud obnoxious Marauders were safe. You always knew what they were up to. Quiet secretive Marauders, lets just say most people stayed out of the common room and away from them.

"Peter! Get your elbows out of my ribs!" said Sirius softly but threateningly.

"Speak for yourself! Your on my foot!" said Remus reaching out to pull at his hair.

"Remus! Let go of my hair!" James elbowed him. Or what he thought was him but it turned out to be Sirius.

"Oops. Sorry James I thought you were Sirius." said Remus a smirk clear in his voice.

"Well you didn't have to elbow me Petter!" Sirius said angrily.

"I didn't!"

"Then who did! Let me at 'em!"

"Guys we're going to get caught!"

"Well James if you would have made this cloak bigger with your enlargement charm we wouldn't be having this problem!"

"Mrs. Norris!"

All four guys flew against the wall not daring to move even though they had the invisibility cloak all around them. Sirius who was now next to James let out a small whimper. "Sirius! No! Don't!" whispered James urgently.

It was too late Sirius had kicked Mrs. Norris and she had gone flying just barely landing on her feet. She let out a loud meow and they could hear Filch come tearing up the corridor. "Where are they pretty?! Where are the troublemakers?!"

"Oh now you've done it!" James kicked Sirius as hard as he could. But before more kicking could be done Peter and Remus dragged them behind a tapestry into a secret passage silencing them just as Filch flew around the corridor.

Draging them through the passageway they finally made it to the Dungeons. Making it to the wall that opened into the Slytherin common room.

"What was the password again?"

"We-are-to-stupid-to-think-up-a-good-password-like-the-Gryffindors?"

"That was last weeks this weeks has to be Gryffindors-are-the-coolest-smartest-people-in-the-world."

"I think it's Marauders-always-get-the-best-of-snape."

To their complete and utter surprise the wall opened.

"Sirius was right?" asked James shocked.

"That's right! I'm always right."

At that moment a student came out obviously sleep walking. He walked down the hall and the Marauders looked at each other.

"I knew he wasn't right."

"Shut up!"

They walked through sneaking up the staircase into the Fifth year dorms. And placed a spell around the bed six beds they found there. They then slipped out quietly.

The next morning the Gryffindor's watched in amazement as Snape and his buddies came in. Shaved on their heads were sayings such as "Marauders Rule!" "Gryffindor Rocks!" and "Stinky Snape".

James looked over at them as the hall burst into laughter. "Hey Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Remember to check out all the counter curse books?"

"All of them."

"Are you sure that wasn't to mean?"

"Alls fair in love, war, and Slytherin."

Two days later they were still rolling with laughter over Snape being Santa and that his hair had yet to grow back. That was till Lily showed them their costumes. Then they shut up real fast.

They were standing in the middle of the square frowning at one another. They had already opened and what seemed like thousands of kids were waiting to see "Santa". This called the Marauders to crack quite a few jokes where "Mrs. Santa" would quickly slap her hand over Santa's mouth to stop his retort.

They really had full right to crack jokes though. Snape had been through a enlarging potion a ageing potion and a glued on beard.

Finally James got tired and looking at the others and got a wicked grin.

~*~

("All right you Marauders! Ready to sing our song?" said James grinning.

"I'll say we are!" said Sirius grumbling.

"Yeah!" said Peter who was being pulled on by two kids on either side of him.

"Let's sing it now!" yelled Remus as a little girl kept looking up at him and refused to let go of his legs so he could move.

"Okay, Moony?"

"Okay!"

"Okay, Wormtail?"

"Okay!"

"Okay, Sirius? Sirius? SIRIUS!"

"OKAY!!!")

James-"Christmas, Christmas time is near

Time for pranks and butterbeer!"

Peter-"We've been bad, but we can dream

Hurry Christmas, hurry fast"

Remus-"Want a Snape that can be cleaned"

Sirius-"Me, I want a grease hair to scream"

Santa said something that Mrs. Santa muffled with her hand

All-"We can hardly stand the wait

Please Christmas, don't be late."

("Okay fellas get ready." said James grinning

"That was very good, Moony."

"Naturally."

"Very good Wormtail"

"Ahhh."

"Ah, Sirius, you were a little flat, watch it."

"Ah, Sirius. Sirius. SIRIUS!"

"OKAY.")

Remus-Want a Snape that can be cleaned

Sirius-I still want a grease hair to scream

Peter-We can hardly stand the wait

Please Christmas, don't be late.

James-We can hardly stand the wait

Please Christmas, don't be late.

("Very good, guys!" yelled James grinning.

"Lets sing it again!" yelled Sirius.

"Yeah, lets sing it again!" yelled Remus.

"No, That's enough, lets not overdo it." Lily  said.

"What do you mean overdo it?" yelled Peter.

"We want to sing it again!" said James.

"Now wait a minute, guys." said Lily backing up.

"Why can't we sing it again?" yelled Sirius.

[Marauder chatter]

"Padfoot, cut that out… Prongs, just a minute.

Wormtail, will you cut that out? Guys..." Lily trailed off and started running.)

~*~

The kids laughed delightedly as Lily was pounced upon by four grinning Marauders who immediately started tickling her. "Really get off! Or I'll tell Santa!"

Sirius had a evil look in his eyes but lily placed a handy spell on him making him where he could only say. "Good afternoon would you like to see Santa?" this left the others laughing. The night ended finally and Snape changed his clothes as quickly as possible.

After they got back to the castle and a quick shower, Lily and James went out for a walk. And that left three evil minds to plot. What a horrifying thought.

~*~

The next day Lily was going down to the great hall with James though they seemed to stop to talk more then walk. And every time they stopped a piece of mistletoe would be above their heads. And then the masses would start to chant Kiss her! Until they kissed.

When they finally got into the Great Hall and sat down. Thinking they were safe till a piece of Mistletoe again appeared over their heads and someone started chanting Kiss her again.

Meanwhile Remus, Sirius, and Petter were grinning madly. They had planned it perfectly! Inchanting mistletoe to follow them around and then taking short cuts so one of them could always be there to yell kiss her!

They followed them around all day doing this. That was until Lily got suspicious and went into a empty classroom with James and waited for the person to yell. As soon as they had started to say "Kiss" she had thrown a spell at them which made a blast of cold water shoot at them.

Groans were heard from the three soaking wet marauders.

"That's what I thought! Marauders! James Potter this was your ideal wasn't it! Wasn't it! You are on probation! Your not being kissed for a year starting today!" she yelled flouncing off.

James heard a snicker and suddenly all three Marauders were laughing, rolling around on the floor.

"And until she kisses me your on probation. No marauders map or invisibility cloak." He told them which made them stop laughing. He walked out listening to their defeated groans.

James chuckled as he felt himself be pulled into a secret passage way. "Should have known." said James chucking.

Lily smiled at him. "Shut up and kiss me you big lug." She said pulling his head down to hers.

~*~

The next day was Christmas and the Marauders where ready. Boy, were they ready. They had sent Snape a present by owl to be delivered at the foot of his bed.

This had been Remus's ideal. He had suggested they give him a mostly harmless gift and have the grande finale somewhere else so Snap wouldn't get suspicious.

So Snape was given a HUGE photo album of every single prank they had ever did to him. Even Sirius was surprised at the different ways they had come up with to torture him. It had been filled to the brim and the last page had been there favorite.

It had the worst pranks on it and in the middle of the page was a picture of the marauders under a banner that said "Merry Christmas Slime Ball!"

Around five am they were up and at em. Alright so they were dragging there feet but they were up.

They grabbed the huge box they had and snuck down to the Great Hall. Placing the box in the middle of the Slytherin table Remus placed the tag labeled in block letters "Severus."

After much laughter and a lot of hitting under the enlarge invisibility cloak they made it to their dorm and tumbled thankfully into bed. Their heads asleep before they hit the pillow.

The next morning they left their gifts at the end of their bed and ran full speed towards the great hall. There they waited on pins and needles for Snape to arrive.

Every few minutes one of them would look around and start to laugh and quickly stifle it. Lily and Arabella who had just come down were looking at them suspiciously. And the rest of the hall were being very cautious about what they sat on or ate.

Any laughter that was left died as Snape came into the room. "So Photogenic, Snape!" yelled Sirius. With that the Marauders burst into laughter. That had also been planned they wanted to make sure he didn't suspect anything.

Snape gave them a cruel sneer until his eyes landed on the present. He grinned and took off the lid.

A huge shot went off and fireworks came out of the box which caught every ones attention. A few seconds later the magicly magnified voices of the Marauders came from the box.

"Merry Christmas from the Marauders!"

~*~

Peter-You're a mean one, Mr. Snape
You really are a heel,
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Snape,
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You're a monster, Mr. Snape,

Snape stared in surprise at the box. His jaw was slack and his eye were huge.

James-Your heart's an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Mr. Snape,
I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You're a foul one, Mr. Snape,

Snape franticly put the lid on the box causing the music to get louder.

Remus-You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Snape,
Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile!

You're a rotter, Mr. Snape,

Snape was yelling spells now trying to get the box to stop.

Sirius-You're the king of sinful sots,
Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Snape,
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

You nauseate me, Mr. Snape,

By this time every body in the hall was laughing and the marauders were laughing so hard they seemed to have trouble breathing.

Arabella (lily refused)-With a nauseous super "naus"!,

You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Snape,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

Snape glared at them and started towards them.

All-You're a foul one, Mr. Snape,
You're a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Snape,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
"Stink, stank, stunk"!

~*~

At the last word the box let out another bang. Immediately after words a pink dress with purple poke dots flew out of it. The dress landed right over Snape's head and a baby doll with matching dress fell in Snape's arms. The box then shrunk until with a small *pop* it disappeared.

The Marauders where staring at the box in surprise even as Snape tried desperately to let go of the doll and get the dress off.

"Sirius?" asked Remus staring at him.

"Wasn't me." said Sirius looking shocked that he hadn't thought of that.

"James?"

James, however, didn't answer and stared at Snape in total shock.

"Guess that's rules you out. Peter?"

Peter however had landed face first in his pudding.

"Arabella?" Remus asked hesitantly.

Arabella shook her head doubled over in laughter.

"Well I didn't do it!" yelled Remus at a loss.

Lily grinned mischievously and raised her hand.

"LILY! THAT ROCKED!" yelled Sirius and Remus proudly.

James had slung his arm around her shoulder and was proudly proclaiming that she was HIS girlfriend.

Snape glared at all four of them evilly. He then turned on his heel and stomped out of the great hall, no doubt going to try and get out of the dress.

As they laughed people came up to them asking to borrow the box for future use. But Sirius only had one thing to say to the. "Only our predecessors can find it."