"I can't believe Alicia did this," Cole murmured into Dana's dark red hair. "She's been such a total bitch lately." Dana pulled back a little to look into his face. The moonlight was plenty for her to see by.
"She's had a hard time dealing with what happened in DC," Dana replied, caressing Cole's face lightly. "When you or I feel less than human, we have each other. She takes the brunt of it for all of us, and she only has herself." Dana looked sorrowful for a moment. "She cried about it, you know." Cole's eyebrows shot up.
"You mean tears cried?" he asked incredulously. Alicia and crying just did not go together.
Dana nodded. "Just a little, but they were real. I wish she had someone to be able to share it all with," she said sadly. The three of them were close, but Alicia had always maintained a finger-length of distance. Dana knew her mental abilities heightened her empathy, and she hoped that Alicia could find a balance in life. Not everything was a battle. Loving Cole had shown her that.
Cole pulled Dana against him again. They were lucky about tonight. Alicia had come raging through the barracks earlier, and flipped over his and Dana's bunks, yelling at them that if they couldn't make a bed properly, they could sleep in the woods. Her language had made a few of the norm soldiers blush. She had screamed at Cole about going soft living with Lydecker, but while they were in the barracks, he was damn well going to act like a soldier.
It was February, and they were allowed five minutes to get some cold-weather gear before being thrown out for the night. Alicia had been on a short temper ever since DC, and this seemed to go along with her usual tirades against infractions. Except, she knew that Cole and Dana hadn't had any time alone together in a while. They lit a fire, and after they zipped their sleeping bags together, it was quite comfortable.
They lay together, warmed from the fire and their shared passion. The cold didn't bother them too much anyways. Cole lay on his back, one arm under his head, the other wrapped around Dana's nude body as she lay on his chest. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this calm and content with life, the universe and all things. Dana balanced him, kept him from going too close to the edge. He had been serious when he told Alicia he would take Dana away if the new director had decided to terminate her for study or spare parts as that bitch had been overheard suggesting. Dana was worth everything to him. There was no cost too high when the prize was priceless.
Dana twisted her neck a little so that she could look into the sky. "We think we're so big and bad," she said softly. "Up there, that's real big. We're just little specks in comparison." She thought for a moment. "You think one of us will ever be allowed to go into space?"
"Maybe," Cole replied. "If we ever get back a space program, they might want to see what we can do up there. Maybe they'll loan us out to the Chinese before that and let us go up with them." He smiled. "That would be the ultimate flight."
They were quiet for a while as the sky started to brighten slightly. "Twilight," Cole heard Dana whisper so softly he almost didn't catch it.
"You're about twelve hours off my love," he teased. She arched an eyebrow at him superiorly.
"Shows how much you know," she teased back. "There's two a day, not just one. Right before the sun sets, and right before it rises again. Birth and death, beginning and ending." She smiled a little, staring into the sky again with a slightly dreamy expression on her face. "It's my favorite time of day and night."
Cole smiled at her, amused. For all she was capable of, all that she had done, there was still an innocence to her that would never be extinguished. It was one of the things he loved about her. She never lost hope, no matter what the situation was, and she always absorbed every bit of happiness she could out of each day. He couldn't be around her more than a few minutes without smiling and feeling better. Even Dad found himself infected by her enthusiasm for life. She accepted the nasty parts of missions as something that had to be done, and then went on with her perpetual optimism.
"So how do you pick which one you like the most?" he asked.
"It depends on what's starting," she replied. "Or what's ending."
Cole grinned. Sometimes she forgot he wasn't always privy to what was in her head. "Starting and ending huh? You just like everything don't you."
Dana rolled her eyes. He didn't get it. Cole sometimes had a hard time seeing the abstract. It made for him to be a sharper soldier, and he could see plans and tactics more clearly, but it really sucked when she was trying to discuss concept and cosmic theory with him. She smiled as she thought of a more concrete way to explain what she meant.
In a fluid motion, she rolled over on top of him, her arms sliding under his neck. Their lips met, tenderly at first, and then with increasing passion. Their bodies pressed tighter as limbs intertwined and still keeping with that incredible kiss. She was rarely this aggressive with him, and Cole enjoyed her little burst of desire. He wasn't about to complain.
"See," she whispered as they parted. "Is that the end of something wonderful, or the start of something equally lovely?"
Cole's hands slid down her body, giving her rear a little squeeze, making her giggle. "I see your point," he muttered, nipping at her lips with his own. "I think I'll choose the dawn." They kissed again, touches becoming more intimate as they both knew exactly how to please the other the most.
"I love you Dana," Cole whispered between kisses. "I'll always love you. No matter what happens. Forever."
She pulled back from his slightly, and for a bare second the oddest look flashed across her eyes. She almost looked sad that he would say that. "Swear to me you'll never forget me," she whispered. "That's what I need more than anything."
He took her hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart. "You're there forever, love." A few tears zigzagged down her cheeks. Cole wasn't sure what was distressing her, but he wanted it to stop. He kissed the tears away, catching her lips with his own, passion, desire and so much love building to an intensity that it had never before reached.
Cole found himself completely spent, barely able to move, and totally overwhelmed by their lovemaking. He held her to him, unable to let her go even if he wanted to. "Remember me, Cole," she whispered as sleep drew him into its depths. "Never forget."
Thirty-six hours later her body was found amid the helicopter wreckage.
*****
Cole jerked, and looked up with a start, oblivious to the tears on his face. He was over twenty years and almost two thousand miles from that snowy night, but every detail was still etched into his mind. He looked over the ocean's waves, getting stronger and higher as the tide was starting to come in. It was still dark, but there was a slight color change on the horizon as the sun was testing the sky, trying to decide if it was time to bring forth life to all those that resided on a rather small and insignificant chunk of rock hundreds of thousands of miles away from it.
It was the last night they ever spent together. A little after dawn, they had trudged back into the barracks, apologetic and promising to be more vigilant about taking care of barracks obligations in the future. Alicia had made a little snort of acknowledgement, and all was forgiven. He didn't have to thank her privately. As a matter of fact, she wasn't in the mood for accepting anything. She mentioned her mouth was hurting, and for her to complain about pain, it was pain that would have brought a norm to his knees. She admitted that it had been hurting for a while, and Lydecker had ordered her over to the dentist.
Cole had barely seen Dana that day. They both had training exercises and mission planning to do, just another typical Manticore day. The assignments he was sent on were typically of a higher caliber than the ones she was used for. He was part of the Alpha team, and she was considered Charlie team. Everyone had their place to be during the day and stuck with it. Today was a little different though. Dana had grabbed him when he was alone, and gave him one hell of a kiss. They both knew the security layout enough to know they weren't on camera, but this was not expected from her.
He had asked her if she was all right. She told him she was, but that she had just needed that. Alicia was going to have to have teeth removed the next day, and told Dana she was going to have to do the helicopter training exercises in her place. Cole had laughed a little then, and risked giving her a hug. Why she was scared of them, he didn't know. She told him she loved him. He said it back. It was the last time he ever saw or spoke to her again.
Nothing forewarned him. That was the kicker. He didn't have the slightest premonition of what was going to happen later. He'd gone back home that night and done the usual, and early the next morning Alicia had gone in to have her wisdom teeth removed. Cole was at the block working on some things late that afternoon, and then Dad had contacted him and told him to get to his office at the block ASAP. At first Cole thought something had happened to Alicia, but when he got to the office, she was there. She looked barely alive, but she was there along with a couple of the others.
The rest of the sixers on base came in quickly. Lon had just gotten home a few hours before, and came in looking marginally less worn than Alicia. Cray and Tynell were the last to show up and then Dad told them all what had happened. Just an accident. No more, no less. For a minute Cole thought he was going to throw up or pass out. Maybe even both. In a few words, his whole world crashed around him, shattering like so much glass being jammed into his heart. Their forever was already over.
They had all looked to Alicia then, and she was the one to take charge and thank Dad for the news and request that they be allowed to have a service of sorts. She kept him from losing it in front of everyone else, and then met him at the tree. He had screamed and ranted at the world then, cursing whatever had kept them there. He yelled out his anger at being a soldier and what it had cost them. It wasn't until much later that he realized how much his ranting had hurt Alicia and how much she blamed herself for what happened. She didn't say anything then, but tried her best to comfort him and try to do what she could for the others, despite the Demerol that she was on.
In the end the body was cremated, and they were allowed to scatter the ashes. Dad had first said that they were going to be scattered over the base, but Cole had jumped in there and blurted out "No" harshly before even Alicia could say anything. He was a little embarrassed at speaking without thinking like that, and in front of the others countering their commander, but he couldn't do that to her. He said that it had to be over water, and somewhere warm. The other sixers had agreed, and Dad let them do it off the coast of Florida. There was a large Navy base there, and it was actually unseasonably warm right then.
So now, so many years later, Cole sat out on a beach, staring out over the stretch of water where Dana's body had been committed to the deep. It was colder today then it had been then, but much warmer than the snow covered land back at Manticore. The humidity made the cold cling, but that wasn't anything compared to the biting winds. It was easy enough to ignore at any rate as the far eastern sky went from black to the dark purple-blue that heralded the rising of the sun. Twilight.
It had been years since he'd been able to deliberately watch the sun rise. How was he supposed to do it without Dana by his side? How was he supposed to sit here and watch it and not think of all the promises that he'd made to her? How was he supposed to let her go? She wanted him to remember her. She said so. The night before, that day, how she had acted…she wanted to be with him. Had he known…
"She knew," he whispered. His eyes widened as he put together the memories. He had never really thought about it and tried to piece together things. Maybe he didn't want to know for sure, but that was the only thing that made sense now. Whenever he had said forever to her before, she would say it back. This time she made him promise to remember her. Somehow…somehow she knew. She was going to die. She knew it.
Cole had his gym bag with him, and reached into it, pulling out a sealed plastic bag. The strands of hair had faded from dark red to an orange shade over the years, but he still saw them as the same color they had been. He had gone back to the barracks and collected every strand from her pillow and hairbrush and kept them all this time. He hated opening the bag for fear of losing even a single one.
He broke the seal and reached in, pulling out a few strands. The once silky hair was brittle now, but that didn't bother him. He smiled, remembered her the way she was. Her smile. That sometimes-annoying streak of optimism. Her thoughts on their life and future. The way she teased. The way she laughed. The way she loved.
Did he still love her? Absolutely. But he had misunderstood her. It wasn't his heart she wanted forever, it was the immortality of never being forgotten. She knew she was going to die soon. She didn't want him to go on for the rest of his life wanting to be with her and her alone. It was enough for her that he remembered her. She had no idea that Manticore would fold eventually. She didn't want him to lose the softness that their relationship had given him. Cole knew Dana. That was the one thing she didn't like about Manticore, that hard shell they encouraged the X-6 to build. She wanted Cole to remember that they had loved, and most importantly, could love.
He fingered the strands of hair, finally asking himself questions he had never before wanted to answer. Did he need to let go of her? Was that really required? Or could she simply be put into that secret part of the human heart that belongs to the owner, and the owner alone? Cole let out a little laugh, finally understanding that Dana knew him even better than he knew her. That was what he never wanted to question. Did she say that for him or for her? She knew him. She knew how he would react to her death. And what she wanted to tell him was that she didn't want him to lose the gift she had given him. The knowledge of what happiness was, and that even at Manticore, it was obtainable.
Cole looked at the hair between his fingers, a real smile forming on his lips. For once, it didn't hurt so much to think about her. He wasn't going to forget her. Not ever. There was no getting over her like they thought he should, but it wasn't a matter of learning to live without her either. She would always be a part of who he was and who he became. That was her final gift to him. It took him a while, but he finally could accept the gift.
He slipped the hairs back into the bag, and went to put it back into the gym bag, but paused as the first rays of the sun swung over the horizon, spearing the darkness with gold and turning clouds into purple and green and pink puffs in the sky. His smile widened. "I choose the dawn," he said softly, and then laughed. "I choose the dawn," he repeated more firmly this time.
He looked down at the plastic in his hand, and then jerked off his sweatshirt and kicked off his sneakers. If he thought for a second about what he was going to do, he might not do it, but this was the right thing to do. It was time to finish what he was supposed to have done so long ago. Still holding the bag, he sprinted towards the cold Atlantic.
The water numbed his skin almost immediately, but he didn't care. This was so right. He could feel it with every fiber of his body. He had known before if he were to scatter her ashes, he would have done it from under the water. Now, it was time to let go of the one last piece of her that remained and let it go to wherever the tides and current had taken the rest of her. He swam out fast and furious, sliding through the water like a dolphin, until he was deep enough to let the currents do as they had done for millennia.
He opened the bag, letting it fill with water, and the strands of hair began floating out and towards the north with the current. "Goodbye my love," he said softly. "You were right. I won't forget. Not ever. But I choose the dawn." His fingers opened and he let the bag go, watching it until it sank too deeply for him to follow. With no regret, he turned back to the shore.
