"Twice in two lifetimes"
"Chapter I"
The front door opened and closed which made them all look up.
Cole walked hesitantly through the threshold, while avoiding Phoebe' stare. This one was watching him intently with daggers in her eyes, and he could very much feel her resentment.
"Hell," he thought, "I did it for them, can't she just give me a break?" However, he knew that it had gone a little too far and would take some explaining and many apologies to repair this. That was a little much after what he had gone through, but if it was what it took…
Still, he had no idea how to start and with all of them in the room, it was even more difficult. It did not help either that he had issues of his own.
Piper sensed this first and she turned to Phoebe right then.
"Hey, sis, do you mind if I take Jason up with us? I think that he could use a nap. It is very late and you do not want to go home yet. The room is still a mess…"
She almost regretted adding this, as it was a reminder, but she needed a good reason.
She saw her sister hesitating and continued, smiling:
"Besides, it is going to be my turn soon, I better get some practice…"
Phoebe looked down on the baby, unsure if she wanted to part with him just yet. She had been so scared for all of them, but mostly for him. Nevertheless, she realized that Piper was trying to give her and Cole some time alone, and she believed it to be a good idea, even though she did not relish the discussion to come. She knew that the baby did not need to be there for this.
Reluctantly, she handed Jason to her sister, while this one signaled not so subtly to Leo that it was time to go for him too. In fact, she was thinking that once the baby was asleep, her whitelighter of a husband might get an earful as well.
Cole watched Piper leave, almost tempted to go to his son, but somehow, he thought that they should resolve their problems first. In truth, Phoebe had been looking at him in an even angrier way just seeing his slight move toward Piper.
He sighed, wondering what it would take to get back on track. When he had suggested the plan to Leo, this one had warned him about the consequences. Of course, he had not heeded the warning, convinced that she would understand in the end. Now however, faced with the aftermath, he was clueless as to what to say or do.
Paige saw that she was the only one left and most probably not more needed than Piper or Leo.
"I think that I should go home and try to clean up, at least what I can…"
"You don't have to do that alone," Phoebe said, tempted to flee herself. "I should go with you…"
"No, no…" was Paige immediate response. "I can do this on my own, and you... Well, you got to talk."
Without waiting for an answer, she went out of the room avoiding looking at Cole. As much as he had found their presence uncomfortable, their obvious hurry to leave the room made him feel worse.
Phoebe was now staring away, and the silence prolonged between them. At last, he could not take this anymore and plunged, even though he knew what was coming. Better to do it now rather than wait and let it fester any longer.
"Phoebe?"
She sighed heavily but did not look back.
"Come on Phoebe, say something."
This time she gave him a quick look, but turned back so fast that he barely had time to see the tears in her eyes.
"I am sorry…Again…"
"You are sorry…"
Her voice was flat and emotionless, in spite of the tears, which he was certain he had seen.
"I couldn't tell you. They were watching us, I told you that already…"
This time, he got the response that he was expecting, although not what he was hoping for.
The anger showed through clearly in her voice.
"I am not happy that you kept this from me, that is true, but this is not the only reason that I am so angry, Cole. There is a big difference between pretending jealousy and the way you treated me. Even after it was over…"
He could not help the anger to swell again.
"You must admit that things didn't look very good on your side of the bargain either. You were with him, only days after I left…"
"He was just trying to help me through a difficult time…" She replied quickly, while turning to him at last.
"By kissing you in our bedroom?"
That was not what he had planned. All the way back here, he had promised himself that this part of the discussion would be avoided at all cost. And yet, there they were, back with the same argument that had sent her running out of their house, soon followed by the others. Of course, Piper had given the excuse that they had to write what happened in the book, trying to mellow things, as usual. Yet, he knew that she was unhappy for the way he had treated Phoebe. It was easy to understand since he felt just as bad about it. However, right now, he was also worried that she might find solace in his arms again. He knew that he had to get a grip before this had gone too far. Taking a deep breath, he repeated:
"I'm sorry."
She was not apologetic at all herself, when she spoke again.
"I was confused then, and nothing else happened. You would have known that if you had stayed and talked to me, instead of spying on me and running at the first suspicion."
If she had known what he had wanted to do then, maybe she would have been glad he left. However, he knew that it was not the time to tell her that. Still, he had another beef of his own.
"You know, maybe I jumped to conclusions a little too quickly, but so did you. You believed right away that I had gone back to evil…"
"What else was I supposed to believe? You almost killed him, and me, before you ran out the first time, not to mention that you were back to being Belthazor," she screamed then.
"Just pretending to be," he answered, barely containing his impatience.
"I explained all that to you at the house."
"Trust me Cole. After all I have been through to be with you, the shock was a little too much."
"But you understand now that I didn't mean it, don't you?"
"I understand that you wanted me angry enough to do exactly what I had seen in my dreams, even though you knew how much it would hurt me…"
That dream had started it all, of course. From the moment, she had told him about it, he had begun to see the logic in it. Although, he knew that it could never happen the way she had seen it, he saw this as a starting point for his plan. It had needed some convincing in Leo's case, but surprisingly enough, not so much in his father's case, even though, Coleridge chose the riskiest part in it…
Hearing the doorbell, he realized that he had drifted away from the conversation. Possibly because he did not know what to tell her just yet. No amount of reflection on the subject had given him the excuses that he now needed. Phoebe was looking at him expectantly, but he chose to use the visitor to give himself more time.
However, when he opened the door, it brought back all the anger that was still inside of him, even if he had tried to push it aside.
"What the hell are you doing here," was asking Clay, the man who Cole had actually chosen for his plan. Now of course, he regretted that choice, for even the sight of him had his blood boiling with jealousy, not to mention that he was very upset with his attitude.
"I could ask you the same thing, even more so actually. You are after MY wife…"
Clay did not lose countenance there, as all he knew of the past few days events only confirmed Leo' story about Cole.
Unafraid, he tried to push past Cole to get inside, but this one put himself squarely in front of him.
"You have better leave now," he said in a tone of voice that had scared more than one before.
Clay just looked at him disdainfully.
"I have seen worse than you. Besides, your wife told me herself that it was all over between the two of you. You are the one who is not welcome…"
Phoebe heard the commotion and called:
"Clay?"
"Hey, Phoebe," he replied in a noticeably softer tone of voice. Cole almost hit him right then, but as he was looking back toward Phoebe, her reproachful expression convinced him to abstain.
Clay continued:
"What is he doing here? I thought that you said he was not coming back?"
Self-control went only so far… Cole took a threatening step toward the visitor and Phoebe saw that if she did not intervene, something bad would happen again. Particularly that Clay was not apparently intimidated.
"Cole, please!" She uttered nervously, as she came closer and put a restraining hand on his arm.
He did not even bother to look back at her, but still stopped his advance.
"Phoebe, would you kindly explain to Clay that he is not needed here," he uttered between clenched teeth, while staring at Clay angrily.
Her silence alerted him. Forgetting about Clay momentarily, he turned toward her with a hint of concern. Was it already too late? Had it gone too far already?
She seemed uncertain, and that did not do anything to alleviate his fears. However, after a short moment, where he thought that the earth was sinking under his feet, she sighed and turned to Clay.
"It's alright, Clay. Cole and I are talking and we are working on our problems…"
Clay was still unconvinced.
"From what Leo told me, you have more than just a few problems that could be resolved by talking…"
Cole took another step, even as Phoebe tried to restrain him still.
"You have no idea what you are talking about. We do not need you here, and I strongly suggest you leave."
"Cole!" Phoebe uttered warningly, and she put herself between the two men.
Turning to Clay, she smiled weakly trying her best to sound assured.
"I will be just fine, Clay. I am very grateful for your concerns, but you have no reasons to worry about me."
"I am not just worried Phoebe, I thought that…"
Phoebe stopped him right there, as she felt Cole tensing even more.
"I never promised you a thing, Clay. I was very confused but it's all over now."
Clay hesitated. He had actually been thinking that maybe, he had a chance again with Phoebe. The last few years, since he had seen her last, he had worked at getting a more stable livelihood. When Leo had come to him, with a story about how Cole was bad for Phoebe, and unstable, it had brought back the old feelings to the surface. She was the one woman that had stayed in his heart all those years, and the thought of being with her again had been most pleasant. He knew that she was married, but Leo insisted that it was a bad marriage, which she should try to get out of. That was the reason for his determination against Cole now, and this one knew that perfectly, as he had crafted the story for Leo to tell. Cole knew that there was no point in him trying to deny it now, as Clay would just assume that he was lying. He regretted the details that he had added to the unflattering profile now. At the time, he had assumed that it would take a lot for Clay to try to break up the marriage. He understood now that it had not been necessary at all. Apparently, Clay had only been too happy to oblige, according to Leo.
He was almost tempted to call Leo to clear things up, but Phoebe insisted with Clay one last time.
"I am sorry if you got the wrong impression, but I am not leaving Cole. This was all a big mistake."
Cole almost let out a sigh of relief but thought better of it. The enormous weight that was on his chest seemed to lift somewhat. He knew that they still had a lot to discuss, but at least she was willing to.
Clay was looking at her questioningly but had to admit that she appeared certain of what she was saying. Resigned, he still offered:
"Take this, just in case," he said, extending a card toward her.
Phoebe sensed Cole tensing again, but she still extended her hand to pick up the card.
From the moment that she touched the card, she received the longest and most detailed premonition of her entire time as a witch. It was so intense, that she actually blacked out.
She woke up, lying on the floor and realized that the two men were now arguing over her.
"She already told you to leave, I can take care of my wife!"
Cole was leaning toward Clay with murder in his eyes, as this one was holding her hand. She felt slightly suffocated as the two men were just kneeling on either side of her, but staring each other down in a manner that she knew would bring trouble without intervention. She was about to try just that, when Leo called from the stairs.
"Hey, what the hell is happening here."
Cole just jerked his head back for a moment toward the voice, and curtly answered:
"Clay was just leaving here."
Leo saw Phoebe on the floor between them and ran to her, ignoring the other two.
"Phoebe, are you hurt?"
Before she had a chance to answer, he looked at the two men irritably, and they backed off slightly.
She quickly replied:
"I'm fine Leo," and she gave him her hand as he helped her standing up. What she had just seen in the premonition had given her a very different perspective on the situation. Turning to Clay, she said firmly:
"You have to leave. It was all a big mistake, and although I am grateful for your help, this has to end now."
Leo and Cole looked at her curiously. It was not so much what she said, as the nervous manner in which she did that alerted them.
"Are you sure that you are ok," Clay still tried.
"I will be just fine. I promise."
Clay reluctantly turned back toward the door.
"Fine then, but if you ever need me, you know where to find me."
Phoebe just nodded weakly before he closed the door behind him.
Vaguely relieved, she turned to Leo and Cole.
Leo was the first one to ask:
"What did you see?" This, as he saw the sudden distress in her expression.
"Don't worry," she uttered. "It was mostly a warning, coming from your bosses, I guess."
She turned her face upward, now irritated.
"You could not have showed that to me earlier?"
Cole questioned in puzzlement:
"Phoebe?"
She frowned, as she looked back, and rather than answering him she turned to Leo.
"It's ok Leo, Cole and I still have a lot to talk about, and this was mostly a message for him and me. You can go now."
Leo felt like he was summarily dismissed, and although, it was a little unsettling, he decided to wait later when she calmed down to question her any further on this.
"Alright, if you are sure?"
"Yes, yes, I'm sure," she answered with an attempt at a reassuring smile. It came off rather like a grimace but Leo went away nevertheless.
Cole watched Leo leave and did not say anything until he was certain that Leo was out of earshot.
Then:
"What the hell was that all about? What did you see?"
The irritation was now more obvious than ever in her expression.
"I saw some very unpleasant things, Cole. And even some really shocking stuff."
He just looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue with butterfly dancing in his chest. For a moment there, he had been intensely relieved at the turnabout. However, now he wondered about her attitude. The way she was looking at him reminded him of the day she had found out what he was, although maybe not so intensely.
Rather than talking, she moved passed him toward the living room, obviously expecting him to follow.
"Phoebe? Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?"
She sighed heavily while sitting down on the couch, and Cole's anxiety level rose another notch.
"I'm just a little overwhelmed," she finally uttered.
"Phoebe, what did you see?"
"I think that you better sit down for that one."
Unsure, he came to sit by her and waited.
"Do you remember all those dreams that I had about our past lives?"
"Yes of course, it was one of those…"
He stopped himself, but Phoebe caught it, and gave him another irritated look.
She took a deep breath before talking again.
"We've been there before."
"Ok Phoebe, please try to make sense, what are you talking about?"
"What would you say if I told you that a little more than eight hundred years ago, you were a demon? Long before you ever were Belthazor…"
"What?"
Ignoring his question, she continued:
"And it was all because of this thing between Clay, you and me…"
Cole opened wide eyes, but somehow, even if what she said seemed almost impossible, he could imagine easily that Clay had been an issue before. In fact, he knew from one of the stories she had told him.
Phoebe waited until she was certain that the news had sunk in, then she began telling him about her vision.
"It began even earlier than this, like nine hundred years ago. You were the son of a Baron, and I was the daughter of a vassal living on your father's land.
We had been seeing each other for over a year in secret when your family found out about it. At first, you tried to convince them that you wanted to marry me. However, your father had other ideas about your future, and he threatened to have you disowned if you went through with it. It took you too long to make a decision about it. By the time you came back to see me, I had found out that I was pregnant with our child, and my father went berserk. He was certain that you would never come back, and almost shunned me for the shame he said that I brought to our family. My mother made a suggestion, however. For the longest time, before you had come to me, I had been close to a neighbor's boy, Clay… He had let me know more than once that he would like to marry me. So, mother told me that it was either exile or marrying him. At the time, I did not expect you to come back to me anymore, and I was desperate. Clay had always been good to me. He knew that the child was not his, but he accepted it. We were married only a few days later, and I never told you about the baby. However, only a week after my wedding, long before the pregnancy was apparent, you came back and tried to convince me to leave Clay and flee with you. By then, I had lost trust in you. Clay had been good to me, and he had not asked any questions about my past. When I refused you, you became insistent, coming back almost every day in the end, while my husband was in the fields. I was also a witch then, and I had told you this a long time before. It had taken you some time to accept it, but I had never imagined that you would use it against me, as we were so much in love then. You grew tired of my rejections, and one day, you went straight to Clay, decided to have it out with him, as you thought that it would bring me back to you. The discussion soon turned physical and in the end, Clay hurt you, possibly by luck, but that finished to bring you to the brink of madness. You were so angry and frustrated that you went to the bishop and told them all about me. It did not take long for me, along with my whole family to be on trial for witchcraft. They hung my mother and me, as you watched. Then they tortured my father and Clay. Before he died, you came to him, still very angry. He told you about the baby then, and instead of remorse, you became enraged even more at me. You spent the rest of your life chasing witches, convinced that I was responsible for all that happened to you and the death of our child."
Cole was watching her with an appalled expression about him.
"What…What are you saying?"
He was surprised mostly of the calm attitude and the lack of reproach in her voice as she was related this horrible story.
"Simply that after this, you were damned, totally, having fought against witches and killed many even before you were a demon. When you died, the forces down in the underworld saw you as a perfect soul for their new scheme. They had you reborn as a half demon… More or less 850 years ago."
"But…But how, what?"
Cole was totally floored. How could the same faith hit twice?
Phoebe gave him what she thought was the answer to that unspoken question:
"I think that they believed that you could not be reformed twice, and that the first time you had come so close to killing the charmed ones, that you were the perfect choice for a retry…"
Cole was now staring at her in total disbelief.
Phoebe uttered a little derisive laughter:
"It gets better, it all happened almost exactly in the same manner, except that the Source of the time won in that subsequent lifetime. They killed me, even with all your efforts to save me. You managed to survive, but afterward, you kept on looking for me or rather the form of me that would be reborn. At the time, the only difference with now is that you were still a half demon. Eventually, you found me again, but what you found was not at all what you had expected…"
'The two girls were walking down the dirt street, shamelessly showing their trade as they called to every male passerby. That evening had been very unproductive for them. Usually, men walking this late at night in the town were there for a very obvious purpose, but this night, it did not seem to be the case. Phoebe and Paige looked dejectedly at each other as yet another possible customer went by without bothering to even look at them.
"They act like we have the plague tonight. If we don't find some business soon, we'll go hungry tomorrow…"
Paige still was more reasonable about it.
"Really, we had some good days lately, we'll still eat for a while, stop worrying yourself so much, sister."
"But what if they do think that we are sick? You know how fast bad rumors spread. Or worse… What if someone found out what we really are? We might see the priests coming anytime to take us away."
She was looking around, half expecting to see a posse on the way already.
"Trust me Phoebe, if that were the case, we would not be discussing it. They would be lighting up the bonfire under our feet as we speak."
"Oh please stop, you're giving me chills."
Paige always had a very twisted sense of humor and proved it once more, as she uttered a loud laughter:
"Oh come on, you should be feeling the fires of hell now, not a chill…"
Phoebe turned to her angrily:
"Paige!"
Paige stopped laughing and shook her head dejectedly.
"Oh Phoebe, when are you going to loosen up?"
Phoebe grimaced:
"Oh I don't know, maybe when I find a rich idiot that will take me away from this filth…"
"I guess that it is good to dream…"
"Yeah," Phoebe replied distractedly, as she had spotted a nun coming toward them.
Paige followed the direction of her stare and shrugged irritably:
"Oh what is she doing here again?"
"Obviously, she is going to try convincing us again to come with her. Like I am desperate enough to cloister myself in that nunnery of hers…"
"Here, here," Paige uttered loudly.
The nun's features were hidden under the hood of her habit, but they did not need to see her face to know who she was. Piper had been coming regularly to them, always trying to get them off the street.
The fact that she had not been successful until now did not seem to discourage her.
"Hey Piper, you are a stubborn one," Phoebe called to her, making her big sister jump and look around as if she was afraid that someone might recognize her.
Silently, she then hurried toward her lost sisters. When she was close enough, she started in a low voice:
"Would you keep it down! What if someone working at the cloister was here and saw me? Then they would realize that I am out of the cloister and talking to prostitutes. Trust me, it would not go smoothly with the Reverend Mother.
Phoebe looked totally unconcerned.
"Isn't your clone nicely asleep in your bed?"
Piper did not deign answer this.
"How are you, sisters," she asked instead, as she did every time that she visited them.
Of course, they never answered this question by a simple polite reply.
"Oh Piper, will you stop this. No matter what happens out here, we are not about to go and flee the world like you have."
"At least, I am safe in there, and do not have to resort in selling my own body to survive."
Paige moved provocatively in front of her.
"Why not? You might even like it."
Piper crossed herself piously, causing her sisters to burst laughing.
"Laugh all you want sisters, but one of these days, you will get hurt. I pray for both of you every day…"
Phoebe looked derisively at her sister:
"Piper, please, you know better than to preach to us. Besides, you are a witch too. If your nun friends ever learned of that, you would not be any safer there than we are here."
Piper knew better than to continue this argument. It was one that they had been cultivating for the last few years. It was a miracle that Phoebe and Paige had survived their hardship, and Piper had no intention of going through this. On the other end, Phoebe had a point. She often dreaded discovery, but just like her sisters, she had been lucky. Ever since their own mother had been burned at the stake, they had been on the run. At first, they had only been kids scrounging for every little pieces of food.
Piper had been fifteen when the terrible tragedy struck. Her mother had made her promise to take care of her younger sisters, just before sending her away, as they were expecting witch hunters at any moment. It had been sheer luck for them to escape that day. However, she felt that she had failed them and could not help trying every chance she got to save them from this horrible life. Unfortunately, she hit a wall every time.
She still could not understand how they would prefer this to a life of peace and quiet. Much more than this, their mother had taught them about the principles associated with their being witches. They were supposed to protect the innocent. Who better than a nun could do this?
She realized though that her sisters, Phoebe in particular, resented just about everyone. She was in no way interested in saving whoever, but herself and not even herself that much either. Piper had even imagined often that her sister had died inside, the same day their parents did.
It was a wonder that she survived this long. Some kind of basic instinct, she guessed.
"Phoebe, if you are so determined to destroy yourself, at least let Paige get a better life."
Phoebe eyed her big sister angrily.
"I did not force Paige into anything!"
Paige reinforced this:
"She did not. Really! I am fine here with her, even though she can be a pain sometimes too…"
The mocking smile dancing on her lips made Phoebe cringe, but she did not argue. Paige knew that both her sisters were easily offended. Yet, she could almost get away with anything. They had protected her from the first, and even though things looked pretty grim, she felt as safe as could be in the circumstances with Phoebe. That was probably why Paige had managed to keep her sense of humor throughout the hardship.
She also knew that of all three of them, Phoebe was the strongest, in spite of the appearances. Piper was the reasonable one, but she had also chosen the life of a nun because it had been easier, safer.
Phoebe refused it because it would have taken away from what she considered her freedom.
"Piper, I love you and all, but your presence alone probably chases the business away," Phoebe said, interrupting Paige's musings. She looked around in turn and spotted a tall man who seemed to be hesitating a little ways down the street.
"If I can keep even one of those sinners away from you, I'll stand here all night."
Phoebe gave her an exasperated look.
"Don't make me use my powers on you."
Piper opened wide eyes at this, particularly considering that her sister remained very serious. She knew that Phoebe was not the most patient person in the world, but still…
"You would not dare!"
Phoebe took a step toward her.
"Piper, I have been really patient with you. I still think that you took the coward way, and if that makes you feel better, so be it. However, me and Paige need to eat and we won't be able to do that unless we work…"
Piper sighed deeply, closing her eyes in sign of irritation.
"You cannot call what you are doing work. Our mother would turn in her grave if she knew."
This time, Phoebe used a more aggressive tone of voice. Any mention of her mother always exacerbated her mood.
"Our mother, Piper," she growled, "doesn't have a grave. She was burned remember?"
Piper backed off at this point. She knew her sister and her bad temper. She realized that she should have known better than to mention their mother.
"Alright, I will leave, but please think about what I told you. I don't think that you really can keep doing this for much longer…"
"Do not worry yourself about us Piper. We will manage, won't we Paige?"
Paige smiled weakly, as she was always upset at seeing her sisters fighting. They were her only family.
"Of course we will," she replied, although with a hint of doubt that did not escape Piper' scrutiny.
Could it be that Paige was not as certain about it than she had said, Piper thought, while giving her sister a quick once over. She could not talk to her now, but she made up her mind that she would try to get to her when she was alone.
"Fine, I'm going. But I'll be back."
Phoebe sighed.
"Of course."
Piper tried to smile to her little sister, but it came out as a sad half smile. She turned away as usual feeling with even more weight on her shoulders. Each visit to her sisters drove a stake through her heart and she wondered how much longer she could do this without entering a deep depression.
She hurried up, as unlike what she had told Phoebe, she would not have dared stay out all night. The clone that she had created only lasted so long, and she had to be in the room to create it again. If the nuns found out about her escapades, it would not take long before she found herself on the street as well. What good would she be to Phoebe and Paige then? She sighed dejectedly as she speeded up on her way to the convent.
Phoebe watched her sister going then turned back toward where the potential client had been earlier. As she had feared however, he had scrambled away, probably afraid that if a nun saw him there, it would put him in a bad place with God. Phoebe swore angrily.
"Damn it!"
Paige came to her sister and gently patted her arms.
"Come on, let's take a break tonight. It's late already, and I'm cold."
Phoebe only then noticed the cold and reluctantly nodded in agreement.
They went toward the corner that they had chosen for the night and huddled there.
"Can't we make a fire?"
Phoebe turned to Paige:
"Well, let's see." She looked up and down the street, and when she was convinced that no one looked, she motioned toward a pile of dry wood that lied beside one of the now closed stores. In an instant, a good portion of the pile had vanished to reappear at their feet.
Paige smiled happily and waved her own hand over the pile, setting it on fire almost immediately.
To most people, it would have seemed a pitiful set up, but the girls were simply happy to be warm and together. Soon, they fell asleep.
Unbeknown to them, a man had been standing out of sight. He had observed their magic use and was now smiling cruelly.
"Oh yes, it's going to be fun," he uttered, while he started toward them…
