Twice in Two Lifetimes
Chapter III
"That is horrible! Why would they even want you to remember this?"
Cole was stunned. He could easily see how hurtful the memories were to her.
"I sure don't know," she answered hesitantly, "except, of course, that we have not seen it through yet. What is more, we now know that this is directly linked to what happened today…"
"But…"
"It's ok. Maybe there is no way to present it to us other than by showing everything…"
Cole wanted to take her in his arms and try to comfort her, but he was not certain yet how this would go with her.
He also could not help but feeling the guilt that came from it, even though, this had happened so long ago.
Phoebe sensed his malaise, but she was not ready to deal with it just yet. This was a draining experience to say the least. Moreover, until now the only benefit coming from it was the knowledge that worse had happened to her in the past. It put a new perspective on her current state of mind, at the very least, if it did not resolve anything.
At this point, she felt the need to regroup and picked the first excuse that came to mind to have a moment alone.
"Would you mind making some tea for us? My throat is getting dry."
The request was reasonable, but he knew that she needed a moment, maybe because he did too, feeling the tension all too much. He still wondered what was the point of all of this, as he nodded affirmatively, and then left for the kitchen without a word. Phoebe was right about the connection of course, but it was over now, so why tell them all about it?
He had barely made it in the kitchen, that Coleridge orbed in beside him, startling him.
"Father! I was not certain if you had gotten out alright… I'm sorry that I could not help you myself…"
"It does not matter. Leo took care of it. I'm surprised that he did not tell you…"
"Well, things have been happening very fast. We did not really have time for a recap…"
"So I heard…"
Cole turned his back to him and went straight to the counter to hide his annoyance, and embarrassment. He tried to sound casual when he replied:
"Well, the news travel fast…"
Cole had time to begin preparing the tea, before his father talked again. Coleridge obviously understood the touchy nature of his son's problem.
Still, he did not see many ways to approach the subject, and finally began frankly:
"Leo told me that you seriously overreacted…"
Cole stiffened, but did not answer right away. He had a very nasty reply in mind and it was in no way, flattering for his brother in law. However, he did not want to get upset. At least, not more upset…
Coleridge continued when Cole did not answer:
"Did you try to see her point of view?"
"I apologized already," Cole answered irritably. He still did not deign look his father's way.
"But that was not enough…" Coleridge probed again.
This time Cole turned to him with an angry expression.
"Why shouldn't it be? I gave up everything today, just so that they would be safe in the future. Yet, she was in his arms last night and I'm supposed to accept that!"
"And you still can't." Coleridge replied, more as a statement of fact than a question.
Cole looked angrily at his father, somehow thinking that he was taking her side. Right away though, he realized how ridiculous that was. There was no side. He just could not see things as calmly as his father did.
The thought deflated his anger, but did not take away the anxiety:
"I'm scared, father," he finally admitted.
"You cannot really think that she will leave you, can you?"
"Why not? I am nothing more than this Clay. I am completely human now. What's more, I hurt her badly. I cannot help worrying that she realized she loved him still. Moreover, he has stayed by her side, while she thought that I was betraying her."
This, he had added quickly, as he saw his father ready to protest.
"Maybe you should give a little more credit to your wife. She is not with him now, is she?"
Cole shrugged:
"She is not with me either…"
Coleridge sighed. He knew that all this insecurity stemmed from the brand new situation they both had to face.
This day, the prophecy had been fulfilled. The future was now totally unknown, not just to Phoebe and Cole, but to all of them. In the bargain, his son had given up on almost everything that he had been until now, only because he thought that her love would be enough for him. Moreover, he had hoped that her love would be strong enough to endure through this ordeal. It was plain to see that Cole did not believe it anymore.
The kettle whistled, and Cole turned back toward the counter, no closer to an answer than he was before.
In fact, he vented to Coleridge about the story as well, as he was pouring the water.
"As if this was not enough, your bosses sent a horrible memory to Phoebe. One that makes me once again guilty of her suffering. Are they purposefully trying to make sure that I'll be out of the picture soon?"
"Hum, maybe you are not seeing this for what it is…First of all, you know that the Elders disagreed with your plan. Leo and I had to go behind their backs to help you. Maybe if I had known their reasons then…"
"What reasons," Cole asked impatiently.
"It worked, didn't it? What can they possibly have against that?" He continued, irritated by his father's belated doubts.
"Don't get me wrong, they are glad that he is dead. However, they see the bigger picture. Which you do not… When you chose to take it upon yourself to do this against their advice, you may just have made things worse, not in the present, but in the future."
"The threat was not in the future, it was now," Cole replied, firmly convinced that he was right on this point.
"All I can tell you," Coleridge answered calmly "is to keep an open mind. You might be surprised…"
Cole gave him a puzzled look, even as he was already picking up the tray, but Coleridge just signaled that he was done talking before orbing out. On his way out of the kitchen, Cole cast one more irritated look to the spot vacated by his father. All the while, he was thinking that Coleridge had spent way too much time with the Elders, and was getting their annoying habit of giving cryptic explanations.
Meanwhile, Phoebe had not been alone for long either…
She was watching Cole leaving when she heard a chime behind her accompanied by a bright flash of light. She expected Leo or Coleridge, but was surprise to find the ghostly figure of her sister instead.
"Prue!"
"Hello sis. I see that I'm just in time to try and put some sense into you," Prue said lightly, a smile plastered across her face in spite of the apparent reproach.
"Prue, if you're visiting only to give me a hard time, come back later, I'm not in the mood."
"Hum… I know that in the past, we had many unresolved issues, Phoebe. However, you should know by now, that I always had your best interest at heart."
Reluctantly, Phoebe nodded.
"Yeah, you probably did."
"I most certainly did, and this time is no different."
Prue paused… Then she began again, when she was sure that she had her sister's attention.
"You know how difficult it was for me to accept your husband…"
Phoebe shrugged and was about to say something but Prue continued quickly:
"I do not think that anymore. Rest assured. Even if I still think that you could both use a good dose of patience, I understand now that you are doing things with the best intentions. Well, in his case, he recently got better at it," she added, vaguely mocking.
"Prue!"
"Alright. My point is, what you are reproaching him, I can understand, but maybe you should try to see what he wanted to accomplish, rather than think of the means that he used."
Phoebe lifted her eyebrows in astonishment:
"You're defending him now?"
Prue sighed:
"I simply mean that what he did was to help all of you, and you should not be so hard on him about it. He seems to be hard enough on himself as it is…"
"I don't think that you understand, Prue. I can forgive what he did. Nevertheless, how could he not trust in my love?"
Prue could not help replying:
"Maybe, he is asking himself the same question?"
Phoebe looked away, ignoring the last remark, and her thoughts flew back to when it had all started, a little over two weeks ago…
***********
Phoebe had returned home with the joy of her new found power dampened by Paige's ordeal. This one had gone through a lot, and it was only because of a great strength of character that she seemed to be coming back from the trauma now. However, at the time, she had needed a lot of encouragement, and her sisters spent a large amount of time by her side. Meanwhile, the men had apparently used the time to concoct that plan of theirs, unbeknown to the charmed ones. Cole had already demonstrated a certain jealousy, however irrational, toward Clay, but in the next few days, this became a real problem. Made even worse when, unexpectedly, Clay dropped by the Manor while Phoebe was visiting. She had been stunned to see him after all these years, but Clay told her that he had found himself in town and simply wanted to see how she was doing.
Things had gotten eerie when Cole had come into the manor and seen the man he had just been so worried about… From the first, he was less than pleasant around Clay, but when this one offered a dinner for the three of them, Phoebe agreeing to it seemed to outrage him.
Phoebe had not seen the wrong in it. In fact, she had thought that it would be an occasion for Cole to see that he was overreacting. Nevertheless, he became so upset with it that Phoebe just told him off, which she soon regretted, but not before she had accepted to go with Clay alone, in a gesture of defiance.
That dinner should still have been the end of it, but Clay came back the next day with flowers, meeting Cole at the door. If Phoebe had not been there, she was certain that they would have come to blow, so angry, Cole seemed. By then, her resolution to be mellower about his mood flew out the window, and she blew him off again, only intensifying the anger and resentment between them.
The worse part was that Clay witnessed the fight, in Phoebe's opinion, hurting Cole's ego even more by being there.
That day, Cole had stormed out of the house and not returned till late.
Clay, on the other hand, had stayed behind and comforted her as a friend would, or so it seemed to Phoebe then. Later on, she was to understand that Clay had other ideas in mind. However, by then, she was ready to throw the towel with Cole.
Although Cole confounded himself in apologies for every outburst at first, which were numerous, Phoebe was convinced that he held her responsible for Clay's insistence. When Clay came back at the end of that first week, it ended in the ugliest scene. Cole went off right away, apparently convinced that Phoebe had invited Clay because she had second thoughts about him, and no amounts of protestations calmed him down that night. He became so enraged that just before he left for the last time, and to Phoebe's utter dismay, he turned toward Clay and tried to attack him with his powers. To prevent the worst, she had used her own new power on him, and he had turned against her, angrier than she had ever seen him before, even when he was in his Belthazor form.
For a moment there, they had stated at each other with such fury, that she believed all the love that they ever had vanished in that instant.
Picking himself up from the hit, he looked at her one last time and totally floored her when he shimmered out.
This had been the last thing she had expected. No matter how angry, she could not have imagined that he would revert to his demonic self. Yet, there it was.
Devastated, she had spent the next few days in total despair, supported the best they could by her sisters, but mostly by Clay. At first, she had still been uncomfortable with him, hoping against all hopes that she had been mistaken, and that Cole would come back, as he had been.
This was when the unimaginable happened… Coleridge came home and offered to try finding Cole and to reason with him. Although, she did not witnessed what happened herself, Piper and Leo went with him to the mausoleum, where as they said, it might be a good start to find Cole. When they got there, he was not around, but after calling him a few times, Coleridge managed to raise him, according to Piper.
A loud and unpleasant discussion had followed, which had ended in the most horrible way. No amount of arguments had swayed him, and in the end, he had become so upset with them, as Leo had entered the discussion as well, that he tried to throw an energy ball at him. By reflex apparently, Coleridge had put himself between them and received the hit fully. Normally, this should not have mattered, but Cole seeing the orbs apparently had an idea. Piper had no clue how exactly, but instead of reconstituting, as Coleridge normally would have, Cole brought all the orbs that were his father toward him magically, and trapped him in some sort of glowing ball. Piper had been too stunned to worry, but seeing Leo's horrified expression, she had understood that something terribly wrong was happening.
"Well, well. I was just wondering how I could get into the good graces of the Source. No more goodie two shoes… I have been acting crazy long enough…"
He had shimmered right then with the glowing globe in hand, leaving both Leo and Piper in utter shock.
Upon returning home, Leo explained to Phoebe, and incidentally to Clay who was there again, that Cole had trapped his father' soul. There was no doubt in his mind that he would offer this to the Source, completing the return to evil that he had started a few days earlier.
Phoebe had still been incredulous, but when neither Cole nor Coleridge returned, she had to admit to the awful truth.
The last day before it all came to a head, Leo came to them with a vanquishing potion recipe and a spell against the Source and Cole. He told them that he had found them in the book. By now, Phoebe knew that he had been the one putting them in it. He had been adamant about this because he feared that Cole would not wait long before using his knowledge to come after them.
Although, Phoebe had protested at first, the others convinced her that no matter the reasons, Cole had gone over the deep end. That night, she had been more depressed than ever, watching her baby and wondering how she could have lost the man she loved so quickly. They had been so much in love. How could he have given up on them so easily, she was questioning, as Clay had come to her. He had taken her to her bedroom, where she had broken in tears in his arms. She had let him kiss her because she needed to feel alive, even as a part of her was dying inside. Unfortunately, according to Cole's side of the story, it was when he had found himself unable to resist seeing her.
By then, he had almost convinced the Source of his loyalty. He had told him what he wanted him to know, assuring him that if there was a time to hit the charmed ones, it had to be now. In spite of his doubts, the Source had agreed that they should act before the charmed ones returned to their full power. The condition had been however, that he would use Cole as a vessel, so that if this one were to betray him, he would take his immediate revenge. What's more, the Source had surmised that if there was any trick, they would not vanquish Belthazor. Cole had counted on it… It had been some work to persuade the Source even to listen to him. However, as Coleridge had predicted, bringing a whitelighter' soul, particularly Cole's own father's, had been a strong point in his favor. Cole and Leo had protested vehemently against this part of the plan, but Coleridge had insisted that without a solid proof of his change of heart, Cole would be risking his life with almost no chance of success.
If this part of the plan had been tricky, the other part turned out to be almost impossible.
Cole had known from the start that it would be hard, but hurting her like this on purpose had been close to unbearable. Not to mention the horrible sensation that it was to let Belthazor surface again. When he came to see Phoebe that night, the demon in him almost turned it into a tragedy. He had shimmered directly into their bedroom and lied in wait. His intention had been to come and see her, but he had resigned himself to stay out of sight, as it could have made all that she and he had suffered through useless. When he had seen her crying, his heart had sunk, but that had mixed with anger that Clay would be the one with her. His anger had turned to rage when Clay had kissed her. The urge to hurt them had been so powerful that it was shaking from the contained rage that he had shimmered out before he did something he would regret. Then, up until the moment chosen by the Source for the attack, he had turned this image into his mind, trying to make sense of it, to rationalize. By moments, he would see it for what it was, her need for comfort, which he could not be the one giving her. Nevertheless, most of the time, he felt a terrible fear inside. "What if I have lost her?" he was asking himself. And even more often, this question: "How could she have replaced me so quickly?"
In the heat of the attack, it had been a saving grace for his plan, as the Source had believed his anger to be a confirmation of his new allegiance. However, afterward, when he should have just been happy that it was over, all the resentment exploded on both sides…
**********************
"Phoebe?"
This one realized that she had been lost in thoughts.
"Yes, sorry…"
"I lost you there for a moment. Was it that story again?"
Phoebe frowned and questioned somewhat suspiciously:
"What do you know about that?"
"Oh, well, they kind of let me have a peak," she replied uneasily, looking up.
Phoebe knew exactly what made her sister uncomfortable, and it brought a half smile to her lips.
"At least, this finally told me that I was not the only one with a dark past."
"It was a long time ago," Prue protested mildly.
Phoebe' smile widened.
"Still…"
"Alright, alright, I got it."
The thought of what had happened then rapidly erased the budding smile on Phoebe's face, however.
Prue watched her unhappily:
"I'm very sorry that you had to remember such terrible things…"
"Why," Phoebe questioned suddenly. "Why is it that they thought I needed to see that?"
In spite of what she told Cole, she wondered as well why the Elders would give her such horrible memories…
"You are not seeing the big picture, Phoebe. Maybe because you have to see this through, just like you told your husband…"
The mention of Cole brought Phoebe right back to her problem.
"Yeah…" she replied unhappily.
"Phoebe?"
"I don't know where we are going from here…"
"Do you love him?"
"Of course I do, with all my heart."
"Then, it should not be so difficult."
"He should not have doubted my love…"
"Are you sure that this is why you are so angry?"
Phoebe gave her another suspicious glance.
"What else could it be," she questioned.
"Maybe, it is because you are worried about your own mistrust of him…"
"I trust him…" Phoebe's voice trailed, as she realized that there was some truth to it. She had been so angry with him, and yet even more so with herself, she realized now. She had promised to love him and to share the bad and the good with him. Yet, when he had become jealous of Clay, instead of trying to understand it, she had become outraged at his actions, and totally unforgiving. Then, when he had apparently turned against her, she could not help worrying at how quickly she believed he had. She knew that her worries were irrational, but there was no turning them off.
"You are wondering if you love him as much as you thought, considering your reactions, aren't you?"
Phoebe shrugged, unwilling to tell her sister how on target her comment was.
"No one asks you to be perfect, Phoebe. Loving someone doesn't blind you to everything they do either. I am sure that Cole will see that, as long as he knows that you still love him."
"He thinks that I betrayed him too…"
"Maybe that is not why he is so worried Phoebe. You are faced with a brand new situation. The future is unclear from now on, and he might also be afraid that you will not love him as much now that he has lost his powers…"
Phoebe protested vehemently:
"That is ridiculous. I never…"
"I am not the one who needs to be convinced, Phoebe."
The steps in the hallway had her looking the other way, and when she turned toward her sister again, this one had vanished. Phoebe had a movement of irritation at this, but Cole's return distracted her.
"Here," he said, while depositing the tray on the low table.
"I hope that it tastes like the real thing. I must admit that I am not exactly the kitchen type," he added with an uneasy smile.
This comment told her that maybe Prue had not been far from the truth. She wanted to tell him that it did not matter to her. Yet, she was still unsure about many things, and did not feel ready to have this discussion now. So, as much as she would have wanted to reassure him about the way she felt, she decided to give herself more time.
"I'm sure that it will be just fine," she answered, almost flatly.
They both fell silent then, lost in unpleasant thoughts.
"What if their love could not survive this?"
Phoebe for her part, wondered if her mistrust of him had been a sign that they had already lost the wondrous and unconditional passion that had brought them together.
Unwilling to face up to this question, she let herself be invaded again by the memories sent to her in the vision. As painful as they were, they kept away the difficult task of rebuilding what she feared was lost.
********************
Paige worried that the nuns would turn them down, but at this point, she had to get some help. Her sister had lost so much blood already. Strangely however, as they progressed toward the convent, she realized that Phoebe seemed to lean less and less on her. Looking at her, she seemed just as hurt, but not as weak as she might have expected. She put this on the fact that Phoebe probably tried to be strong for her, as she had always done, and pushed on.
Leo pulled Cole up, urging him on.
"Come on, we got to get this wound looked at. If you do not want to be healed, that is your problem, but I won't let you bleed to death on the street."
"I will live," Cole said somberly.
"Yes, you will," Leo replied decisively, "because I won't let you give up…"
Leo tried to help him onto the horse, but Cole shrugged him off irritably.
Leo lifted his hand in sign of resignation, but that did not keep him from questioning.
"Who was that," he asked, moving toward his own mount while Cole climbed painfully on the horse.
"That was an old acquaintance of mine. One who obviously holds a grudge…"
Cole stopped himself, and realized how trivial that sounded in comparison to what he had just seen. Tears of pain and rage came to his eyes again. It was all his fault. She would never have suffered this agony if he had died with her the last time. Cursing himself simply for being alive, he looked down toward the athame that he had kept at his belt.
"What if I just ended it myself?"
The thought had barely formed in his mind that Leo came beside him, and swiftly removed the weapon before he could do a thing about it.
"Oh, No you don't. You heard what Marcus said. She is alive, and you should concentrate on finding her and keeping her that way. That is, after this wound has been treated…"
Cole gave him a dejected look:
"What is all that? Not that long ago, you wished me dead…"
Leo picked up the reins before answering this, while looking ahead.
"Well, a man can change his mind. At least, for the moment," he added, as an afterthought.
Cole let Leo lead them away, but soon wondered:
"Where are we going?"
Leo sighed.
"Well, since no Inn will open for us, I see only one solution. We will go to the church and tried to find a priest who would help us…"
Cole jumped at this.
"Are you insane? Don't you realize the danger?"
Leo turned toward him without slowing the mounts.
"I realize the danger… However, I would imagine that you won't betray my little secret, and if you don't, neither will I…"
Paige helped Phoebe on a wooden bench by the convent, then she went and banged loudly on the large wooden doors. After a long wait, and many tries, a nun finally cracked the door opened, and looked horrified at seeing Paige there.
"What are you doing here? Return to the street, whore. We do not want your kind here."
"My sister is hurt," Paige replied, ignoring the all too familiar insult, " she needs help…"
The nun gave her a severe look and was about to close the door on them when Paige told her, out of desperation:
"I know one of your nuns, she will vouch for us…"
Angry, the nun crossed herself:
"How dare you? None of us would have anything to do with the likes of you…"
"She is our sister, I swear. Please, have pity, for the love of God…"
The nun hesitated, torn between her intense desire of sending these sinners away, and the charity that was her calling.
"Who would it be?"
"I think that you call her sister Agnes…"
Somehow, this did not surprise the nun. That one had always been strange.
"Go around the back, I will let you in the kitchens. Nowhere else though, be warned. I'll fetch your sister, if she really is your sister…"
"I swear to you, she is…"
The door closed with a loud thud. Paige jumped a little at the noise, but soon went to get Phoebe and hurried toward the back. There, it took another long moment before someone came, and Paige worried that they had changed their mind.
Finally, it was Piper herself, who opened the door to them… The reproaches that were so obvious in her eyes died off when she saw Phoebe.
"Oh my god, what happened?"
"God had nothing to do with it, the devil maybe…"
Piper did not need more. Although, it was rare, they had met a few demons and warlocks. Luckily for them, all of the ones they fought in the past had succumbed to their magic quickly. From the look of Phoebe, this one had been another story.
"Come on, Phoebe," she said anxiously, as she helped Paige carrying her inside. The nun that had been at the front door was already boiling water and looked dismayed at the sight of Phoebe's wounds.
She averted her eyes quickly however, as she realized that the girl was naked under the dirty blanket.
"For the love of God, cover her. Have you no shame?"
"With all due respect, mam," Paige said irritably, "I do not think that this is her biggest problem at the moment."
The nun flinched, but said nothing.
Piper went to fetch some clean cloths, and began cleaning the wounds. Only then, did she notice the harshness in her expression, even as her face contorted in pain. In her eyes, she could read anger like she had never seen.
"Phoebe, I'm so sorry. I wish…"
She stopped at the glare that Phoebe gave her. She felt it like a punch in the stomach. Once again, she had failed them, and this time it might cost her sister's life.
After she completed the task of bandaging the wounds the best she could, she pulled Paige aside.
"What happened?"
Paige gave her an account of the attack the best that she remembered, and Piper looked at her with mounting horror.
"Prue? She helped?" She asked in total disbelief. No matter what she knew of her cousin, she had pain comprehending how she could have stooped so low."
Paige gave a look to her stricken sister before continuing:
"She won't do this anymore…"
Piper gave her another questioning look.
"Phoebe killed her."
Piper was startled by this revelation, but also worried that the other nun might have heard. She understood why Phoebe had done it, but she did not think that the other nuns would. Reassured that no one else heard she reported her attention back to Paige.
This one finally asked anxiously:
"Is she going to be ok?"
Piper sighed:
"I don't know…"
Even as they watched, the nun came to cover Phoebe with a thick gray blanket, and she seemed to fall into an uneasy sleep, no doubts troubled by nightmares that they did not want to imagine.
Piper brought a chair up to the table where she rested, and stayed with her the rest of the night, while Paige crouched in a corner, exhausted…
Reinhart was observing them from another corner, in a shadow form. He had been tempted to finish the job, but something emanating from Phoebe told him to wait. In that instant, he saw another way to exert his revenge. And how ironic it would be…
By Christine Lemieux/ Justright
