Twice in Two Lifetimes
Chapter IV
Phoebe was facing the man again, but this time, she felt empowered.
The urge to torture him, to make him suffer greatly was irresistible.
He looked unconcerned however, until she materialized the knife and smiled confidently. Then she saw the hint of fear that she was waiting for. It felt so good to know that he was the one trembling before her. Nevertheless, before she could move toward him and act upon her impulse, the scenery changed. She found herself once more the victim, once more the one scared out of her mind.
She wanted to scream, but could utter no sound. This horror seemed to be coming back over and over. No matter how hard she tried to get out of it, there seemed to be no end to the nightmare.
That is until she opened her eyes, and saw the dark wooden ceiling over her. It seemed weird, as she was used to sleep outside in the open by now. Maybe that was why she had dreamt of suffocating? Only then, the pain reminded her that it had not been just a nightmare. She tried to shake her head to chase away the memories, but only succeeded in eliciting a wave of nausea.
As the malaise receded, she tried again looking around, finding her big sister dozing by her side. She obviously had spent the night there, and she should have been grateful for her devotion, but all Phoebe could feel now, was resentment. She knew that it was not fair to Piper, but she could not help it. She lied back slowly, every movement increasing the pain. She had the impression that her entire body was a giant wound. Yet, she seemed to remember a time last night where it was not nearly as bad. What was it that had made the relief possible?
Before she could remember this, Paige's anxious voice caught her attention:
"Phoebe, you're awake!"
Phoebe could not see her yet, but it was easy to imagine the worried expression on her sister's face. If she looked half as bad as she felt, her appearance must have been truly disturbing.
By reflex mostly, she wanted to reassure Paige. Phoebe was the one who had taken it upon her to protect Paige, not the reverse. Still, she muttered her first words, at best.
"It's ok Paige…"
Paige came into her field of vision and, as she had imagined, she seemed afraid.
"It's ok, I will be fine," she said again, this time more firmly, but knowing that she did not feel fine at all.
"Oh Phoebe, you scared me. I thought that was it, last night."
At these words, the memories of her ordeal came back flooding her mind, accompanied by an awful sensation of helplessness. She thought that she could see the face of the monster still in front of her, as if juxtaposed over her sister's features. Then the anger came back. That is when she knew what had done the trick before, because the anger seemed to alleviate the pain.
"Phoebe?"
This was Piper, awakened by the voices.
"How are you," she asked with deep concern in hers.
Phoebe did not turn to her, nor answer. Instead, she let the darkness come inside once more. Paige saw her eyes hardening, and she took a step back.
"Phoebe?"
She did not know what to think, but just imagined that she was angry, no more. Paige would be too, in the same circumstances.
"Look, I know how you must feel…"
Ignoring the pain, Phoebe sat straight up:
"No you don't," she said harshly. "You have no idea how I feel."
Piper moved toward her, putting a restraining hand on her shoulder.
"Come on Phoebe, you will hurt yourself more."
Phoebe took her hand off rudely, and glared at her.
"You goodie two shoes, you coward, how would you know anymore than she does. You have been hiding in this place. Leave me alone, both of you."
Both of her sisters were staring at her in dismay. With the ordeal she had been through, she should have needed their comfort, not rejected it so blatantly. Neither knew what to do, as Phoebe gathered the blanket about her, and slowly moved to stand up, apparently oblivious to her wounds.
The floor felt cold, as her bare feet met with it, but she soon ignored this as well. In her mind, a voice echoed, a hated voice… The man was taunting her.
"You hate me, I know. Well, hate me. Hate me all you want. It will make you stronger, better. Use the power of hatred…"
The more he talked, the stronger she felt. For all those years of misery, he offered that it was the innocents whom she was supposed to protect, who had caused it.
"They killed your parents, pursued you as a monster. Are they any better than I am? At least, I do not pretend to be good."
In a twisted way, it made sense to Phoebe. It did not keep her from wanting him dead, however.
"Come to me," he pursued relentlessly. "I will offer you the world on a platter, so that you can hurt it as much as it hurt you…"
Piper was trying to get her attention, as her sister seemed lost somehow. What really struck her however, were the obvious physical changes that seemed to take place. Phoebe stood straighter, as if the wounds did not bother her anymore, and if fact, as she watched, one of the wounds, which had not been bandaged, healed in front of her eyes.
"What," she exclaimed, totally confounded.
Piper turned to Paige, wondering if she was seeing it as well. This one did not have to say a word, as her eyes had widened in surprise.
"That's not possible," Piper continued. Phoebe was still ignoring them, apparently transfixed.
Meanwhile, she could still hear the voice, at once pleading and authoritative.
"I'll heal your wounds, I'll give you a life without suffering. Only powers…"
In her mind, she answered:
"I'll kill you."
"You will try…Come to me," he said again, and this time, Phoebe felt the power. It mounted inside of her like a dark wave, strong, seductive. It took away all the pain along with all other feelings save for hatred and anger.
That was all she needed, she now believed.
She looked back at her sisters and found them pitiful. They did not know the power that she could wield. They did not have it in them to do so.
As Piper watched her still, she saw her eyes becoming noticeably darker, hard as she had never seen in her sister. Phoebe had been a tough one all her life, but never this cold and hateful.
"Phoebe, what is happening to you," she asked, the fear coming through in her voice.
Phoebe finally looked at her directly:
"This is no longer your concern, sister," she uttered deliberately, with such disdain and coldness that Piper felt her heart sink.
Before she could say anything else, Phoebe blinked out under Piper and Paige's astounded expressions.
In the corner, Reinhart' shadow form dissipated quickly after this…
Cole only allowed the priest to bandage his wound before he tried to go back out, to Leo's dismay.
By now, Cole had time to think about it, and he was convinced that Reinhart would go after her again. At first, Leo' suggestion of finding her and protecting her had sounded wrong to him. He thought that she would know how responsible he was for her pain, and hate him for it. Still, he knew deep down, that the true guilty party was the monster who committed the atrocity. What he had to do then, was to prevent it from happening again.
"I can't risk being too late, Leo!"
"We have no idea where to look."
"Nevertheless, I have to try."
He was tempted to throw caution to the wind and use his powers right then, but he reasoned that if he did, he would only bring more enemies about. This would not help her in the least. Not to mention that the priest was looking at them strangely already…
"And what if he comes back? You are too weak to fight him…" Leo asked for the second time since they had arrived at the church.
Cole had assured him that he would only come if he had gone back to her and hurt her more. In his mind, this time the girls would be ready, and for the time being, would protect themselves. At least, that is what he hoped for, and what he told Leo. As for the need to defend himself, he had no doubt that Reinhart had meant it, when he said that he wanted him alive. The only real danger would be what he might do to Leo.
"You should think of protecting yourself. Trust me, he will not do a thing to me. He will rather enjoy seeing me suffer," he added bitterly.
The priest came forward at this, his curiosity picked:
"What are you two talking about?"
Leo turned to him quickly:
"Nothing to concern you, Father."
The priest seemed unconvinced:
"It sounded to me like someone is after you. Shouldn't you notify the Baron? He could send his soldiers after this bandit. Threatening a man of the cloth is a severe offense. Let me send a messenger to him..."
Leo reacted nervously:
"No, Father, it's ok, we will take care of this. If necessary, we will go to the Baron ourselves."
The priest eyed him curiously, but did not protest to Leo's utter relief.
Now, he was just as impatient as Cole to leave this place. They certainly did not need to get the attention of the authorities on themselves.
"Thank you very much for all your help. Me and my companion will be on our way."
"It's still dark outside. You should at least stay here for the night. Your friend was badly hurt…"
Cole answered this one:
"Don't worry Father, I am stronger than I look…"
Cole and Leo took leave of the priest and went out of the church quickly. Leo sighed in relief when they were outside.
"You took a big risk," Cole told him, as they were mounting the horses.
"Don't mention it," Leo answered distractedly. At this point, he only wanted to put some distance between him and the church.
They were doing just that, when Cole felt it again. The same malevolent sensation as he had had earlier before coming into town. Looking back, he realized that it was very close, seemingly coming from a building adjacent to the church.
Leo had already gone a little way when he noticed that Cole was not following him. Impatiently, he looked back:
"Hey, I thought that we were agreed to leave this area?"
He realized then that Cole was not paying attention to him at all.
"Are you feeling ok?" He asked again, wondering if the wound was not bothering the demon more than he had said.
Cole turned back toward him with a worried expression.
"He is still around."
Leo was immediately alert, and he looked about nervously. He knew without being told, whom Cole was talking about...
"Where?"
Cole hesitated, confounded.
"Well, if I'm not mistaken, he is inside this nunnery…"
"What?"
"Do not ask me, I do not understand either. However, I will not leave until I am certain."
Leo rolled his eyes irritably:
"That's it. Before, you wanted to die, now you want me to die?"
"We will stay out of sight, Leo. I just need to know what he is doing there."
This time he had been cautious, and was convinced that Reinhart did not know of his presence. Although, he still believed that it would not matter either way. Reinhart would not hurt him. At least, not more than he had.
Tying the horses behind a building, on the opposite side of the dirt path, Leo and Cole settled to wait in a darkened corner. Cole was tempted many times to go and knock on the door that night, but he knew that the nuns would not be likely to let a man in. Particularly not in the middle of the night… Throughout the long night, he felt the malevolent presence. It seemed that just as they, Reinhart was lying in wait for something. In the early morning, Cole got a hint as to what it was.
He had almost dozed off in spite of the sharp pain that came back regularly from the wound, but became completely awake when a new sensation invaded him. This was different. Just as evil, but not from the same source. Yet, it also came from inside the convent.
Concentrating as much as he could, he seemed to sense hesitation in this new evil. As if it was still in the balance… Then suddenly it was gone, soon followed by Reinhart. Leo had fallen asleep, exhausted by the night's events and the long trip. Cole shook him awake rudely, as he felt that something terribly wrong had happened.
"What?"
"Something happened." He answered, "and I believe that it doesn't bode well either for us or for Maria."
Before Leo could question him about it, Cole stood up and started toward the nunnery, apparently no longer concerned by discovery.
Leo watched his companion with a dejected expression for a moment. Then, sighing, he got up and followed Cole.
*******************
Phoebe stopped and breathed deeply. She was floored by the intensity of her former self's hatred. She could hardly believe how quickly she had turned her back on good.
Full of questions, she turned to Cole, but found him distractedly playing with a business card. She recognized the card that Clay handed to her earlier.
Cole seemed to realize only now that she had stopped talking, and he turned to her at this point.
"What is it?"
"I should ask you," she uttered curiously, as she pointed to the card.
He seemed slightly embarrassed at this.
"I was thinking," he replied hesitantly.
"About what?"
He deliberately put the card beside the now cold cup of tea on the table.
"That maybe you were right to go to him," he answered in one breath.
"What? You cannot mean that."
"Don't I? After all, I might not be the best choice for you. Look at all the pain I caused you already. What if worse is in store for you in the future?"
"I cannot believe that you are saying this.
After all that we have been through, now you want me to go to him," she asked, astounded and saddened.
"No!" He exclaimed, but then, he continued, trying to sound more reasonable than he felt.
"I do not want you to, but if it is what is best for you…"
"How dare you," she exclaimed in turn, disbelief mixing with irritation.
"I never meant to leave you…"
"It did not look like it last night," he replied bitterly, looking away from her.
"I thought that you understood…"
"Oh I understood that it was only one of those moments, yes. However, it does not mean that he is not the one for you. Maybe, all the pain that we went through was too much…"
She wanted to tell him that she did not care, that none of it mattered to her. Yet, she was angry that he would give up so easily. She realized that she had preferred the jealousy to this apparent resignation.
Her silence hurt him more than anything she could have said. He had given up a lot this day to protect her and her sisters, yet he now saw that it did not give him the right to presume of anything. First of all, in hindsight he could see that his anger and resentment had put her and her sisters in more danger than he had ever intended…
In the underworld, the Source had come to him one last time before they went to the house.
"I hope that you are ready Belthazor. The time is now."
The Source's arrival startled Cole, and even more so, the haste in which he planned to act. He wondered worriedly if Leo had time to prepare for this appropriately. However, he no longer had the luxury to worry about it. The horrible sensation of being taken over started almost immediately, and Cole barely managed to stay on the surface, so overpowering was the malignance of the Source inside of him. He knew that his anger allowed the demon to stir his evil ways more than they should have been, but he could not help the feeling from eating him up.
In spite of his malaise however, he had realized something that he had never suspected about the Source.
"Raynor?" He exclaimed, in total surprise.
"Yes, my boy. You did not think that you could kill me so easily now did you?"
For all those years, he had seen the Source glamour in so many different forms that he had come to believe him not to have a human form of his own, unlike other upper level demons. He would not have needed it. Now, however, the surprise was compounded by the fact that he had believed Raynor dead for over two years…
Even more so, by the fact that his connection to the Source had run deeper than he ever imagined…
"I see that you still have a lot to learn, Belthazor. Do not worry, after we killed the Charmed ones, we will have time to talk about it, now that you have returned to me…"
Cole felt something more then, something even more puzzling. He knew that the Source resented him deeply for his betrayal. Yet, the underlying hatred that he felt seemed to run much deeper. Even as they shimmered back in the world, he continued wondering about it…
Cole found himself in their baby's bedroom, and it startled him some more. He had not wanted Jason to be involved in any way into this mess. The Source felt his reticence and struggled some more to gain control completely, as he pushed Cole to go toward the crib and his sleeping son.
"You must have nothing left of this world, Belthazor. This baby cannot bring you out of ours, ever. Kill him, then we will take care of the Charmed ones for good."
The Source knew that killing such innocence would complete his turnaround. However, he had underestimated Cole's love for his son, or so it seemed to Cole. As much as his anger had given a hold to Raynor over him, the fear for his son brought back his resolve to be good. Unbeknown to the Source, he had kept something deep inside, something that was supposed to help him in this moment. All he had waited to use it was that the girls were around and ready to act. However, faced with the danger to Jason, he had to show his hand sooner than expected. Fortunately for him, Leo had come to check up on the baby, and seeing Cole there, he knew that the time had come. Hurriedly, he orbed downstairs, still unseen by Cole and the Source, warning the girls, who were all in the kitchen. His warning had almost been useless as the sounds from a violent struggle came to them almost simultaneously. This worried Leo and he picked up the potion that he had them prepare, orbing back toward the baby's bedroom.
Meanwhile, Cole had been looking deep inside himself, digging for what he had kept away from the Source and himself until now.
When he had transformed into Belthazor again, he had taken care of keeping the essence of the Archangel inside, hidden with his love for his family. While in the underworld, whenever he had faltered or felt the pull of evil becoming too strong, he could contemplate this part of him, however fleetingly. Now, he intended to use it to weaken the Source enough that they could vanquish him at last.
Stopping only mere feet from the crib, he began struggling to bring back the archangel to the surface. The Source reacted immediately, trying to escape when he understood what was happening, but Cole held on to his essence, even as the struggle became more difficult between his evil self and the archangel. He had underestimated the anger that he felt, and it made the transformation almost impossible. When Leo came back, he saw the strangest of spectacle. Cole was still there, in his demon form. However, he seemed to be flickering between the demon and the archangel. But stranger of all was to see Cole throwing himself about in the room, toppling pieces of furniture in the process. Throughout this, Leo thought that he could see the sinister form of the Source, as a shadow, which was trying to escape. He waited for as long as he could, while still hoping that Cole would succeed. The girls were running up the stairs and then burst into the room, stopping short at the incredible spectacle.
Phoebe was the first to move toward Cole, mostly worried about the baby.
"No Phoebe, wait…" Leo uttered nervously.
"Are you insane, my baby is there…"
"Please, Phoebe, you got to trust me on this."
However, even as he was saying this, he could see that Belthazor appeared to be winning. Hesitantly, he lifted the hand with the potion, ready to strike.
Piper exclaimed, almost in a panic:
"What are you waiting for?"
This brought the demon's attention to them, and Belthazor looked at Leo directly.
He seemed in great pain. With some obvious effort, he uttered:
"Do it!"
Leo knew that Cole would not have said so if he had believed that it was still possible to save him. Without any more hesitation, he threw the potion at him, even as he turned to the girls imperatively.
"Chant the spell! Now!"
The girls however, were too stunned to react immediately.
As soon as the potion hit Cole, he burst into a wall of flames, from which a shadow seemed to move out with difficulties. The shadow took form and they soon could see Raynor, in his human appearance. This one was almost folded in two, obviously still in pain. As the flames dissipated, they could see Cole's human form falling to the floor heavily, barely conscious. Phoebe almost ran to him, but then she saw Raynor pulling himself up painfully, building a fireball in his hand. Only his slight hesitation as to the target saved the situation.
He seemed to be pondering whether to kill Cole or the baby, and the girls finally started the chant.
"From the deep recesses of Hell,
Reigning on the Darkest, you dwell,
By Three, our powers will be set upon thee,
Banished Forever, Must this evil Be!"
For a moment there, the girls thought that their spell had no effect, as the Source simply stood still, and the fireball kept building in his hand. Then suddenly, the said fireball seemed to turn toward him. An intense fire built up from it, engulfing the Source, as he screamed in agony, waking up Jason in the process. The baby's cries were an eerie background for the death throes of the Source. Even dying, he managed to utter a cryptic threat, directed at Cole:
"You think that you are safe? Others will come after you again and again. My vengeance will be complete…"
After what seemed like an eternity, part of the charred morsels of what had been the master of the underworld started plunging down, disappearing through the floorboards, while some flew up and around the room, splattering on the walls and the toppled furniture. As soon as he was totally destroyed, Phoebe ran to the crib, her heart pounding inside her chest from the terrible scare. Cole kept his eyes on her, as he was slowly standing up. She picked up Jason, and brought him tight against her chest, tears of relief running down her cheeks, as she could see that he was unharmed. Only then, did she turn to her husband with an uncertain expression.
"Cole?"
He wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms and forget all about his anger, but this one was still very much alive inside of him, unlike his powers.
"I'm fine, if you care," he answered sarcastically, instead.
Piper intervened then, totally floored:
"What the hell just happened?"
"You simply did it," Leo answered for them, "you killed the Source!"
"And what about him," was now asking Paige, indicating Cole with more than a little resentment. What Phoebe had endured in the last few weeks, they had felt deeply as well.
Cole's betrayal had seemed so complete.
Leo was about to answer, but Cole stopped him with a slight hand motion.
"It does not matter anymore, Leo. I think that I might as well leave anyway."
He had said this, as he was turning his back to Phoebe and slowly moving toward the door.
"Hey! You cannot leave like that. What is the matter with you," Phoebe almost screamed in frustration and fear.
"Why don't you go to your precious Clay and leave me alone."
"What?"
Cole turned to her then, his face contorted by his apparent struggle to control himself.
"I know what you want now. It's fine with me," he uttered with a tremor to his voice. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, the pain showed through.
Phoebe took a few steps toward him angrily:
"The nerve of you. For the last two weeks, you have been back to your evil ways, and now you give me reproaches!"
Leo thought that now was the time to intervene, even though he had pain to understand Cole' strong reaction:
"He was not really evil, Phoebe. It was all an act, for the Source."
Phoebe turned impatiently toward Leo:
"An act," she screamed incredulously.
"He almost killed us!"
"Almost being the operative word, Phoebe…"
"Trust me, If I had wanted to, you and this…This Clay would be dead."
The name, he had spat with more resentment than he had wanted to.
"You mean, all this time, you were just pretending? You played me for a fool?"
Cole was not in the mood to temper her impressions of it.
"If that is what you want to believe…"
Leo tried once more to bring back the peace.
"Hey, doesn't any of you realize what just happened? You did it, you fulfilled your destiny!"
Slowly the girls turned toward the spot where they had finally vanquished the Source.
Paige could not help ask:
"Is he dead, really? I mean, it seems so anticlimactic?"
Cole answered gruffly:
"He is dead, alright."
Then he turned and stormed out of the room. Phoebe was not about to let him go so easily, however.
While her sisters stayed behind, too stunned to move just yet, she went after him.
"Cole," she called from the top of the stairs.
He stopped reluctantly, still looking away.
"Look at me," she uttered nervously.
"Why?
"How could you ask me this? I have been worried sick about you and the way you acted. I thought that I had lost you. And now that it should be over, you are running away, without telling me why."
"I did tell you why."
"What does Clay have to do with this?"
Cole finally turned angrily toward her.
"Last night, he seemed to have a lot to do with it. How quickly you replaced me, amazing really. I hope that you and him will be very happy," he uttered in a voice that left not doubts to Phoebe about his true feelings.
The baby was becoming agitated; sensing his mother's unnerved state of mind.
She tried to calm down for his sake but it was very hard. Coming down the stairs toward Cole, she pursued:
"What are you talking about again? You were not even here last night. No more than you were here for the last week," she added reproachfully, in spite of her resolve to be reasonable.
Cole uttered a disabused laughter:
"Oh I was there alright. Just long enough to see what I needed to…"
"What are you saying," Phoebe somewhat babbled, now afraid of what she would hear. She knew what it must be that he was so angry about…
"I don't think that I need to give you a recap. I did not stay for the whole show. How did it go next? Did you reminisce in the morning?"
He could not have hurt her more if he had hit her. Of that, she was certain, as she felt the words like a punch in her stomach. She felt somewhat guilty as well, but it was drowned into the unfairness of his accusations.
"How dare you? Nothing happened." She uttered between clenched teeth. The anger was quickly building inside of her as well.
"You lied to me, you abandoned me. Clay was here all along. He supported me while I was crumbling, thinking that I had lost you. You cannot go around and accuse me like this, considering what you have put me through… How could you not trust me enough to tell me?"
The pain in her voice was almost unbearable. Although, he was still angry for what he had seen, he wanted nothing more than to stop her anguish.
"I'm sorry," he finally said, in a much calmer tone of voice.
By then however, Phoebe had become too angry to calm down so easily.
"You should have thought of that before you accused me without knowing."
She stared at him for a moment longer, and then she turned around brusquely.
"Do not bother going anywhere, I will," she said, as she stormed out.
Piper, Paige and Leo were coming down the stairs at this point. Leo turned to Cole askance, but when this one said nothing, he told him:
"I'll talk to her. I am sure that she will see that it was the only way."
Cole chuckled sadly:
"I don't think that it will change a thing…"
Leo stared at him severely then, but did not say anymore.
Piper and Paige were very embarrassed by the situation, and Piper tried to give a lighter turn to it.
"It's ok really. We had to go home anyway, to write about it in the book. I'm sure that Phoebe will be back shortly," she added with a hint of uncertainty.
Cole decided not to burst her bubble any more.
"I suppose," he had simply answered. He did not believe it however.
The group went out, leaving him utterly confused as to what would happen next. For a long moment, he debated whether he should simply pack his bags and leave. However, he had no where to go. The potion that he had provided to Leo had been a similar one to the potion that Phoebe had prepared a while back, intent on stripping his powers. As he had predicted, this had hurt the Source, making him weaker, but had also the unfortunate side effects of effectively stripping Cole's powers. All of them! Now, he found himself powerless, and most probably alone. He walked heavily toward their living room, and poured himself a large drink before sitting down, lost in somber thoughts.
After a while of this sulking, he finally decided that he could not give up without at least trying to salvage his relationship. Maybe, if he tried to talk to her again?
Who knew, maybe Leo had been able to clear the way for him to try…
Picking himself up, he went out of the house and toward the manor…
And here they were now. After hearing this story, he had realized how much hurt he had caused her, but most of all, how unfair he had truly been to her. He had pulled the card distractedly from his pocket as she continued the tale, and when she stopped talking, he only then saw what he was doing. Maybe it was for the best, maybe he should have let her go to Clay, he had thought then.
After he told her this however, her silence hurt him so much. "What if she does," he was now dreading. "How stupid of you," he thought again, almost tempted to pick up the card again. Yet, he just left it there, and waited…
Now, they were both staring at the card, as if it would jump and bite them.
Taking a deep breath, Phoebe turned away from it resolutely and looked directly at Cole, who was still looking away, at least until she spoke.
"I do not care about the pains that we went through, it was all worth it. I chose to be with you because that was all I wanted. I don't know exactly where we go from here, but I know one thing for sure… I love you, and no one else."
The relief he felt then was mitigated but still considerable. He had been utterly convinced that she might just choose that man over him, that she somehow had stopped loving him as before.
"Really?"
She timidly brought her hand over his, smiling weakly:
"Yes really."
"I love you too."
"I know," she said, but was glad to hear it nevertheless.
Sighing, she said then:
"Why don't we finish this thing, and figure out what the Elders have in mind? Then," she said, as she moved toward him and deposited a light kiss on his cheek, "we can work on our own problems and put them behind us. What do you say?"
He simply nodded yes, while smiling somewhat encouragingly and taking her offered hand in his.
Phoebe settled closer to him, before continuing the story again. She hoped that by the end, all this would indeed have had a point…
