When Carrots Attack
Author's Note: Yes, I have succumbed to the wonder that is LotR slash (by the way, I don't own LotR, but if I did, I'd be one happy gal). It's not all angsty and dramatic like the books, mainly because this is Merry and Pippin we're talking about. But there is a definite sappiness warning. *points to Merry* It was all his fault, I swear! *evil glare* Thanks to M/P slashers everywhere, the world needs more of us. Feel the pride. =^-^=
Meriadoc Brandybuck was a very happy and contented hobbit. He was lying in the grass, with two of his favorite things by his side: stolen mushrooms and Pippin Took. Pippin and Merry had stolen the mushrooms, carrots and cabbages a half-hour before, and had eaten everything but the mushrooms for Second Breakfast (the mushrooms were to be saved for Luncheon), and had decided to sit under a nearby tree to digest and watch the other hobbits pass by on the road. Pip had fallen asleep, and looked more carefree in sleep than he ever looked awake. Merry wondered if there was anything in the world Peregrin took seriously. He didn't have to wonder long, Merry knew he was the one thing that Pip really loved. And Pippin was the one that Merry really loved. And all was right with the world, as long as Pippin slumbered in Merry's lap, under the trees in the Shire. Merry was amazed at what a hopeless romantic he could be.
Pippin shifted in his sleep, moving his head so it rested on Merry's shoulder instead of on his own chest. Merry mumbled an "I love you" as he brushed a few stray hairs off of Pip's face and kissed his forehead.
Pippin awoke with a start, shouting. "The carrots are attacking! Quick, prepare the cabbage catapult!"
"You really know how to ruin a moment, Pip." Merry said, shaking his head.
"But the carrots, they were marching the Shire was under siege took the potatoes hostage it was horrible" Pippin recounted the scarring events of his dream. "Wait, we were having a moment? And I missed it? Merry, why didn't you wake me up? I always miss everything important." He pouted, crossing his arms, looking very much like the childish hobbit he was.
"If I had woken you, you still would have ranted. And anyway, you being asleep was part of the moment. You looked so cute and peaceful." Merry pinched the Took's cheek.
"Yes, but little did you know I was having a nightmare to end all nightmares. You should have been there, Merry. It was terrible. The carrots just turned on us." Pippin almost cried as he curled up closer to Merry, who put his arms around his friend.
"It's okay, Pip. It was only a dream. Here, have a mushroom."
"The mushrooms! They were overcooked they caught on fire" Pippin bawled, mourning for the loss of the mushrooms in the Shire.
"Pippin, shhh. I was getting all romantic and turning into a big pile of sappy mush over you, and that dream ruined it for me. For us. The dream is going to kill our relationship pretty soon, if we don't get rid of it right quick." Pippin blushed. Merry would have turned himself into a pile of sappy mush for him.
"The dream is forgotten. We never speak of it again." Pip wiped his eyes with his shirtsleeve and smiled up at Merry, kissing his cheek. "I love you."
Merry tilted Pippin's face and kissed him. "I love you, too."
"I don't want you to be a pile of mush, however sappy. Because then I'd have to carry your mushiness in a bucket when I'd walk around, and a bucket of Merry Mush isn't all that much fun, if you know what I mean." Pippin winked, nudging Merry in the side.
Merry laughed. "Alright. How about I get sappy and romantic, but don't turn into mush?"
"I guess that would work. Would you bring me flowers?"
"Of course."
"Red ones?"
"I make no promises. But hey, at least I won't be mush."
"Good point. Romance and the possibility of red flowers is good enough for me." Pippin kissed Merry tenderly. "Hmm, is that a carrot in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"
"I won't tell you, but I'm betting you'd love to find out." Pippin nodded and practically dragged Merry to his hobbit-hole, locking the door behind them.
******
Alright, I'm not sure if I should continue with this, seeing as I've never written any "smutty goodness" before, but that is SO where this fic is heading. That's Pippin's fault. That is most definitely Pippin's fault. If anyone has any advice on writing the next chapter (and there might be a next chapter if I get enough REVIEWS, hint hint), please let me know. Until then, I bid you all a fond farewell.
~Jåyne
