A/N: OK, I'm back, and better than ever! Or, I never left and I'm not quite as crappy as I was before. So the long awaited (uh, no) second chapter to "When Carrots Attack". I WILL find a new title, cause this one irks me to no end (suggestions? REVIEW). Get ready, kiddies, cause it's a bit risqué (not extremely graphic, thus the R rating). By the by, this is my first attempt at anything remotely sexual, so bear with me here. And I don't know much about the workings of hobbit clothing. So I'm forewarning you, their pants have zippers. Why? Because I said so and so Merry can undo them with his teeth. ^_ They also use the same curse words in Middle-Earth as they do here. So ha. But I'm rambling. On to the fic.

As soon as Pippin got his friend in his hobbit-hole, he slammed Merry against the door and kissed him roughly and not without much fervor. Peregrin Took was a hobbit teetering on the edge. In more ways than one.

"Pippinnnnn I think *kiss* that we should *kiss* move this somewhere more *kiss* comfortable. Preferably where I'm not pressed against a *kiss* door." Merry, despite all appearances, was not one to be ravaged. At least not against the door to Pip's hobbit-hole. Much to Pippin's dismay, of course.

"Mmm, if you insist." Pip grabbed himself a handful of Merry's shirt and led him to the bedroom.

The room itself was quite odd for a hobbit of Pippin's gender. Which isn't so surprising if you know that Merry decorated Pippin's entire hobbit-hole. The four-post bed had a canopy of purple silk, with comforters of the same fabric and color. The walls were painted a very lovely shade of pink (Merry: "I know, I know. You say purple doesn't GO with pink. But bear with me, this'll be good." Pippin: "It'd better be, because we'll be spending an awful lot of time in here, if you know what I mean"). There was a mahogany dresser against the wall, with a gold-framed mirror above it. All in all, Merry's masterpiece. (And the author compliments herself on the excellent use of alliteration).

"Merry?"

"Yea, Pip?"

"I can't forget the dream. It was too emotionally scarring, y'know."

"Well, I can try my best to remedy that for you."

"You're too kind, always looking out for my best interests, you are."

"Not always."

"No, not always. Thank goodness for that, Merry. Else you'd be no fun at all."

"I'm always fun." Merry accentuated his point with a lingering kiss to Pippin's neck. "I also think we're wearing altogether too many clothes, Pip."

"I would definitely be agreeing with you on that point." Shirts, vests and pants went from being on Merry and Pippin to being on the floor in record time. Well, except for Pippin's pants, which seemed to be stuck.

"Fuck!"

"That is the general idea, Pippin m'dear."

"No, my pants. They won't come off. The zipper's being mean."

"Aww, poor wittle Pippin. Can't get his wittle pants off."

"Are you going to make fun of me or help me?"

"You say that as if I can't do both."

"That's because you can't. Making fun of me isn't helping me, and vice versa."

"Well, alright then." Merry gave an exaggerated sigh, then got on his knees. The button on Pippin's pants was undone, and there didn't seem to be any problem with the zipper "Why, Peregrin Took. You just said that your zipper was stuck so I'd have to do this" That being said, Merry slowly undid Pip's zipper with his teeth (A/N: Mwa ha ha ha ha).

"You --oh-- read my --ohhhhh-- mind, Merry" Pippin's breathing became more and more ragged as Merry did more and more evil things with his mouth. Just as Pippin was getting screamingly close to exploding, Merry pulled off of him and stood up. Pippin could have cried, he really could have. "I hate you."

"No you don't."

"No, I don't." Pippin then kissed Merry's hand, eventually drawing two fingers into his mouth. Pip backed up so the backs of his knees touched the bed, then fell backward, landing so Merry was on top of him, and so he could feel something (a carrot, maybe) pressing against his thigh. Pip took the fingers out of his mouth and put them somewhere decidedly different.

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A while later, curled under the covers, Pippin mumbled against Merry's neck.

"What's that, Pip?"

"I still can't forget the dream"

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Alright, I think this may be the end. There might be more Merry/Pippin fics on the way, probably while they're on the road to Mordor. At Rivendell, maybe? Ooh, or maybe what Pippin or Merry sees in Galadriel's mirror? Hmm? Any suggestions, review or email me at Ophelia709@aol.com. Also, if you've written a fic that you're not all too happy with (something you wrote a while ago, maybe) and you wouldn't mind me MiSTing it (i.e., making fun of it a bit. For an example, read MiST01: Pop & Something Like You), PLEASE email it to me. It's all in good fun and I really mean no offense when I write MiSTs. OK, that's the end of that shameless cry for help.

~Jåyne