Author: Lexa
Email- c_rossingjordan@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Synopsis: Abby has to face coming 'home' for Christmas.
Spoilers: Don't think there are any.
Comments: Ok, this is part 5. Didn't put much effort into it. It was kinda hard to write. Anyways, I really need you guys to review!!! :) I hope you're all enjoying it. If you are, I'll keep writing.
The song is "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls
No Place Like Home- Part 5 "Angels That Fall"
Before I left Luka repeatedly asked, well, told me, not to bring any cigarettes. He's trying to get me to quit. I even surrendered all my packs before leaving. And I'm proud to say that I did not stop at the first convenience store on my way here.
I stopped at the second convenience store.
I walk to the side of the backyard; far away enough so that my father won't be able to see me. Carefully, I take the pack of cigarettes from my pocket and hold it between my fingers. Before lighting it, the countless conversations with Luka start rolling through my mind.
"It's disgusting."
"It relaxes me."
"You really should quit."
"I will."
"Are you just saying that, or do you really mean it?"
"Luka.."
"It's unhealthy."
"I'm a nurse, I know that."
"So why don't you quit?"
I've tried to quit before. Not that I was much of a success. I've never been much of a success at anything.
Listening to others would be one of them.
I quickly put the cigarette between my lips and light it. It doesn't matter much anyways, Luka's not here. Just as long as my father doesn't see, I'll be fine.
When I was a teenager I used to sneak out here at night for a cigarette. I'd lean against the fence and dream of being somebody important, somebody famous, somebody loved. I promised myself I'd get out of here one day, and be somebody nobody expected me to be, somebody I always dreamed of being, but never really was.
**********
And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Tossed along the way
Letters that you never meant to send
Are lost and blown away
***********
I was young, I was stupid, and I was a teenager. What the hell did I know? I didn't know that women like me never turn into much. I never was much, so what made me think I could really become something? Probably just teenage ignorance.
*********
And now we've grown up orphans I never knew their names
We don't belong to no one, that's a shame
You could hide beside me, maybe for awhile
And I won't tell no one your name
I won't tell your name
*********
After my father left, the three of us stayed here for a while, until Maggie had an episode and decided that we needed to move. We moved again and again and again. Greg moved back into the house, so at least we could be 'home' when we were visiting him.
So that's how my life was, from the age of eight until eighteen. Spending most of my time with Maggie, meaning I got to spend most of the time being the "parent" of the household-doing all the cleaning, making sure Eric got his homework done, and trying desperately to get Maggie to stay on her meds, then spending a bit of time with Greg-a man who had no illness to blame his stupidity on. I mean, who leaves his children with Maggie? A man who doesn't care much for his children, probably. A man who doesn't really want to be a father.
*************
The scar's a souvenir she'd never lose
The past is never far
And did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
**************
I flicker my cigarette gently, then place it back in my mouth. The small glow at the end of it is now the brightest thing in the backyard, and I hug myself gently as the cold air hits my skin harder; but I still refuse to go inside.
I figured that even though he didn't care about me much, he could have at least had the decency to pretend to. Or maybe I just don't deserve that much. God knows nobody's ever really shown me otherwise.
All the life has been sucked out of my cigarette, so I toss it to the ground and step on it lightly with my shoe. I close my eyes and cross my arms across my chest, the wind starting to pick up speed; cold air whipping across my face. For just a moment, I have the urge to spread my arms out the way I used to when I was very young, hoping that the wind would pick me up and would take up into the sky, carry me away from here.
Out of curiosity, and maybe a tiny bit of hope, I actually spread my arms out. Closing my eyes, I go up on my tippy-toes and start to feel the wind take hold of me...
***************
Don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
You grew up way too fast
Now there's nothing to believe
The reruns all become my history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell your name
***************
"Abby?"
I hear my father call me from the house, and let my arms fall to my waist, and my heels to the ground. Opening my eyes, I force myself to remember where and who I really am, and that dreams don't come true, they're just dreams.
Greg walks into the backyard, looking at me suspiciously, as if maybe he's almost got my secret all figured out, "You ok Abby?"
I look up at him, and force a smile, "Just came out for some fresh air."
"Air isn't really fresh when you're smoking," he says with a bit of a chuckle. How the hell did he know? "Come on, food's ready." He turns around and walks back inside as I fallow slowly behind him, the wind behind me becoming stronger and stronger.
************
I think about you all the time
But I don't need to think
If it's lonely where you are, come back down
And I won't tell your name
*************
Email- c_rossingjordan@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Synopsis: Abby has to face coming 'home' for Christmas.
Spoilers: Don't think there are any.
Comments: Ok, this is part 5. Didn't put much effort into it. It was kinda hard to write. Anyways, I really need you guys to review!!! :) I hope you're all enjoying it. If you are, I'll keep writing.
The song is "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls
No Place Like Home- Part 5 "Angels That Fall"
Before I left Luka repeatedly asked, well, told me, not to bring any cigarettes. He's trying to get me to quit. I even surrendered all my packs before leaving. And I'm proud to say that I did not stop at the first convenience store on my way here.
I stopped at the second convenience store.
I walk to the side of the backyard; far away enough so that my father won't be able to see me. Carefully, I take the pack of cigarettes from my pocket and hold it between my fingers. Before lighting it, the countless conversations with Luka start rolling through my mind.
"It's disgusting."
"It relaxes me."
"You really should quit."
"I will."
"Are you just saying that, or do you really mean it?"
"Luka.."
"It's unhealthy."
"I'm a nurse, I know that."
"So why don't you quit?"
I've tried to quit before. Not that I was much of a success. I've never been much of a success at anything.
Listening to others would be one of them.
I quickly put the cigarette between my lips and light it. It doesn't matter much anyways, Luka's not here. Just as long as my father doesn't see, I'll be fine.
When I was a teenager I used to sneak out here at night for a cigarette. I'd lean against the fence and dream of being somebody important, somebody famous, somebody loved. I promised myself I'd get out of here one day, and be somebody nobody expected me to be, somebody I always dreamed of being, but never really was.
**********
And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Tossed along the way
Letters that you never meant to send
Are lost and blown away
***********
I was young, I was stupid, and I was a teenager. What the hell did I know? I didn't know that women like me never turn into much. I never was much, so what made me think I could really become something? Probably just teenage ignorance.
*********
And now we've grown up orphans I never knew their names
We don't belong to no one, that's a shame
You could hide beside me, maybe for awhile
And I won't tell no one your name
I won't tell your name
*********
After my father left, the three of us stayed here for a while, until Maggie had an episode and decided that we needed to move. We moved again and again and again. Greg moved back into the house, so at least we could be 'home' when we were visiting him.
So that's how my life was, from the age of eight until eighteen. Spending most of my time with Maggie, meaning I got to spend most of the time being the "parent" of the household-doing all the cleaning, making sure Eric got his homework done, and trying desperately to get Maggie to stay on her meds, then spending a bit of time with Greg-a man who had no illness to blame his stupidity on. I mean, who leaves his children with Maggie? A man who doesn't care much for his children, probably. A man who doesn't really want to be a father.
*************
The scar's a souvenir she'd never lose
The past is never far
And did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
**************
I flicker my cigarette gently, then place it back in my mouth. The small glow at the end of it is now the brightest thing in the backyard, and I hug myself gently as the cold air hits my skin harder; but I still refuse to go inside.
I figured that even though he didn't care about me much, he could have at least had the decency to pretend to. Or maybe I just don't deserve that much. God knows nobody's ever really shown me otherwise.
All the life has been sucked out of my cigarette, so I toss it to the ground and step on it lightly with my shoe. I close my eyes and cross my arms across my chest, the wind starting to pick up speed; cold air whipping across my face. For just a moment, I have the urge to spread my arms out the way I used to when I was very young, hoping that the wind would pick me up and would take up into the sky, carry me away from here.
Out of curiosity, and maybe a tiny bit of hope, I actually spread my arms out. Closing my eyes, I go up on my tippy-toes and start to feel the wind take hold of me...
***************
Don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
You grew up way too fast
Now there's nothing to believe
The reruns all become my history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell your name
***************
"Abby?"
I hear my father call me from the house, and let my arms fall to my waist, and my heels to the ground. Opening my eyes, I force myself to remember where and who I really am, and that dreams don't come true, they're just dreams.
Greg walks into the backyard, looking at me suspiciously, as if maybe he's almost got my secret all figured out, "You ok Abby?"
I look up at him, and force a smile, "Just came out for some fresh air."
"Air isn't really fresh when you're smoking," he says with a bit of a chuckle. How the hell did he know? "Come on, food's ready." He turns around and walks back inside as I fallow slowly behind him, the wind behind me becoming stronger and stronger.
************
I think about you all the time
But I don't need to think
If it's lonely where you are, come back down
And I won't tell your name
*************
