Lunch
Zim clutched his stomach as he stumbled toward the cafeteria. He groaned in pain and wondered how he could withstand another miserable eating process in the lunchroom followed by the insidious torture of 'recess.' A sign posted behind the fat lunch lady read, "Vegetarian hot-dogs come in two flavors: radioactive and non-radioactive."
Zim filed into the lunchline to receive his ration of mush, and when it was his turn, he asked the lunch lady, " Excuse me. I've been eating your filth--I mean--food with my most human belly for several months now. And it is the most delicious food my teeth has ever swallowed. But uh..."
"NEXT?" The lunch lady bellowed in a deep raspy voice. She then realized that an ugly green boy was trying to voice his thoughts.
"I demand that you cook my meals differently." Zim commanded. The enormous and unkempt lunch lady glowered at him. "Please?"
"Why?" She was not interested. Hair grew on odd parts of her face. She mildly resembled a mongoose that had been flattened by a Chevvy Blazer.
"You see, I have health problems. This problem called...uh...heart cancer. Yes, heart infoleukocema. It is part of my skin condition, you remember that don't you? And could you cook my food in a 750 degree oven for 10 minutes?"
"You look perfectly healthy to me," the lady said as she looked at the green boy who stood twitching and clutching his side in obvious pain.
Suddenly Zim reeled over in pain, his crumpled body twitched spasmodically on the floor, he screamed in agony, and foam oozed from his mouth.
"You still look healthy to me." The lunch lady grunted with annoyance. It was not her job to make sure children are fed properly. She poured some extra octane gasoline onto Zim's food and set it on fire. Meanwhile no one noticed Zim's agony nor the high-powered flames that emerged from the kitchen. Dib, however, giggled with glee nearby. When Zim recovered, he took his incinerated food to his usual secluded table. Zim sighed with relief and took pleasure in sniffing the ashes of his meal.
Dib appeared behind Zim and said, "No human could possibly eat that, Zim."
"What makes you think I'm going to eat it, DIB? You know better than I do that I don't eat lunch."
"Well I don't know," Dib became doubtful and challenged, "Then go ahead. EAT it."
Zim,"How do you know, this isn't poisonous to me?"
"Well..." Dib reflected and suddenly knocked the plate onto Zim.
"AHHHH!" Zim yelled and waved his arms wildly.
Dib giggled like a schoolboy who was obsessed with tormeting aliens. He brought out his thermos so that he could pour some water on Zim. He suddenly noted, "This is a great day."
Zim suddenly became still, "Foolish Dib, you think your puny liquid can hurt me EVERY day??"
Dib suddenly noticed that the ash that was stuck on Zim's skin was now gone. He hoped that the lunchroom had noticed the same paranormal sight that he had just sighted. He noticed that no one had, as usual.
"Oh yeah?" Dib said mildly and threw his open thermos at Zim and ran to hide behind his sister, Gaz. It's wet contents splashed Zim's face to no avail and Zim mocked him with loud, wicked laughter.
Gaz spoke while playing her GS 2, "Dib, you got my shirt dirty, again. I'm going to have to annihilate you soon."
"Gaz, save me." Dib whispered fiercely as he saw Zim approaching. He wish that he had brought the new alien neutralizing spray that he bought from Mysterious Mysteries' Paranormal Shoppe of the Paranormal. Dib noticed that Gaz continued to angrily punch buttons on her GS2 and took care to ignore the world. "No, Gaz don't save me, save the world! Help me!"
"Go away," She said bitterly and pushed him toward Zim, "Go play with your space freak."
"You!" Zim said challengingly in his usual Irken battle stance, "You have tormented this perfectly normal and non-projectile weapon wielding worm baby long enough! Oh such miserable miseries you will feel. You think I don't remember all the times you took advantage of my pain--THE PAIN! One day, you will see and oh how you will see it. Revenge is mine, stink Dib. It is MINE!"
"Ha, sure." Dib waved the challenge aside without confidence, "What are you going to do? Are you going to...um. What are you going to do?"
"I'm not telling," Zim said teasingly and walked away nonchalantly.
Dib sighed and began to eat his lunch. Mmmm baloney. He licked his fingers and felt a chill pass up his spine. "Every time Zim threatened me about some sort of doom, something…bad would happen. What do you think it'll be this time, Gaz?"
"GRR." Gaz growled and turned away.
