The Universe - Chapter One

The Universe
Chapter One - A Few Meaningless Dreams
By Djinn Hashiba-Maxwell

Djinn: Hiya!! Chapter One is now finished. No long commentary on this one, but it's good, really!! Oh, and you know how the summary says 'Ryo angst'… actually, I've thought about it, and in reality EVERYONE is miserable in this fic!! ^__^ It's more fun that way (even Kaiya is upset later!)

*~*~*

I wish I knew.

As much as I wish anything, I wish I knew why it has to be someone else he cares about. I just want to understand why everyone else is permitted their little bit of happiness and mine is denied me. For I know that he is the only thing that can make me happy. And yet he doesn't even look at me. To him we are family, we can never be lovers. I can't believe that after so long I have only just realized this.

I don't begrudge him his love. Love is something that one cannot control, I know that entirely too well. But why can't I even tell him of mine?


Because we're both cowards, I suppose.

He can't tell Touma, and I can't tell him.

God, Ryo… why did it have to be you?

*~*~*

It was so very rare that Ryo would actually come down and eat dinner with the rest of them these days. Usually around that time of day he'd disappear off on him bike, not returning until long after everyone was asleep. But tonight here he was, sitting in his usual spot beside Nasutei, his smile somewhat strained but generally sincere.

"I don't think you've been eating enough. Do you think he's gotten skinnier, Shin?" Nasutei asked, and the other redhead nodded.

"Definitely. Do you think we need to fatten him up?"

Shuu raised an eyebrow. "What, we planning to eat him now?"

Nasutei giggled at that. "Why not? He does look just DELICIOUS."

"Certainly good enough to eat." Shin put in.

Ryo rolled his eyes. "I'm sitting right here, guys."

"Ah, the sleeper awakens." Nasutei said grandly. "And here I thought we could continue talking about you in third person." She turned to Shuu. "Not only is he HERE, but he's CONSCIOUS. It must be my birthday."

"…I haven't been THAT bad, have I?" Ryo questioned, honestly concerned.

Instead of answering, Nasutei just smiled. "We forgive you."

*~*~*

Why?

Why do I bother trying for you? You never even notice, wrapped up in your own thoughts. A few times I've wondered - in the most fleeting way - if those thoughts ever concern me.

But they don't.

You see, that's how sad I am. That I can't even dream that they do, not even in the most abstract way. Why? Because I know you so well, too well. I know that there is no way that a sad little someone like me could ever be hidden in the mysteries behind those tiger-blue eyes.

I don't deserve it.

Does he? Does he deserve you?

*~*~*

Ryo looked up from the TV when the front door slammed shut. The clock confirmed that it was a little past midnight; he was surprised that they were this late, or that he himself was still awake. He waited patiently for his two friends to come tramping through the living room door.

They were taking too long, he thought uncomfortably.

There was a good reason for that, it turned out. It takes considerably longer to get from point A to point B when your lips are locked with someone else's, and you can't take two steps without tripping over each other. Apparently Tenku and Kourin had believed themselves to be returning to an empty house, for surely they wouldn't have engaged in such behavior if then knew anyone was awake…

Ryo wanted to call attention to himself, let them know he was there. He truly did. But how do you politely tell two of your best friends to stop groping each other right in front of you? 'Hey, leave some room for the Holy Spirit!' Yeah, right, like that would work…

So he remained shut in shocked silence as the went right upstairs, never parting lips, without even noting his presence.

Ryo let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. Damn, of all the things he DIDN'T want to see, that had to be pretty damn high on the list.

*~*~*

Nasutei awoke at the sound of the front door slamming. On reflex she stood and went to the window, just in time to see the taillights of Ryo's sport bike blaze off into the night. She pressed her palm up against the cold glass of the window, as if the motion could somehow stop him where he stood. But all it did was make her cold and she pulled the drapes closed, blocking out the faint light of the moon.

"Damn you, Rekka." She growled to herself as she padded over the carpet back to her bed. She pulled down the sheets and climbed under them once more, pulling them up to her chin though she really wasn't cold. But the warmth, the heat… strange as it sounded it reminded her of him.

Yes, run… run away. That's what your good at, isn't it? When something goes wrong you disappear. But next time… at least take me with you.

"Well," she whispered to herself in peculiar half-sleep, "what kind of tragic heroine would I be without a few meaningless dreams, after all?"

*~*~*

Elsewhere in the house, another figure watched the bike drive off. The green-blue eyes the color of the sea were distant and almost unseeing as they watched the two lights disappear into the darkness of the trees, finally even the glow gone down the twisting mountain road.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way, Ryo." He whispered to nothing and no one. In fact he wasn't even quite sure what he was even saying. WHAT wasn't supposed to be this way? Life? But no one can say how life is supposed to turn out. And then more words were coming, almost as if of their own will. "You can't have them, Ryo. I don't know who you want but I can tell that whomever it is, you can't have them. So why… why can't you just settle for someone else? Some one who loves you?"

…someone like me…

"Another dream?" Shin murmured to himself with a sad smile. "Yes, just another hopeless dream… I can help everyone else get what they want, but I can't have what I want more than anything…"

"How is that fair?"

*~*~*

Djinn: Yes, it's brief, but so was my inspiration, so be satisfied with that. I still don't know where I'm going with this, either. Cross your fingers.