The Universe
Chapter Three - The Art of Loosing
By Djinn Hashiba-Maxwell
*~*~*
The art of loosing isn't hard to master;
So many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something everyday. Accept the fluster
Of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of loosing isn't hard to master.
Then practice loosing farther, loosing faster:
Places, names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next to last of three loved houses went.
The art of loosing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
--Even loosing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of loosing isn't hard to master
thought it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
~*~ "One Art" ~*~
~*~ Elizabeth Bishop ~*~
*~*~*
Touma's hands, by mere instinct, went to Ryo's shoulders to steady himself while he tried to produce enough coherent thought there under the flashing phosphorescent lights to decided on a course of action. Okay, Ryo was kissing him. That much was certain. And damn but if he wasn't a good kisser... shut up, brain! What have you done for me lately?
He pressed open palms against the other boy's shoulders, determined to break the kiss no matter WHAT his body was saying. There was a dark cloud of guilt hanging over his head even now, namely SEIJI. He pulled away, stumbling back a few steps, his hands finally finding his abandoned barstool and using it for support to hold himself up. He felt a little dazed for a second (having your world flipped upside down will do that to you) and shook his head, attempting to clear it.
"Uhm..." He said, blinking stupidly at Ryo.
Ryo just stared back at him, the look on his face saying that he had NO idea what had just happened, either. The blank look almost made Touma want to laugh.
Almost.
He wanted to be angry. He wanted to haul off and hit him across the room and ask him what the HELL he thought he was doing, but he couldn't. If it had been anyone else maybe he would've but Ryo was his friend, his best friend. What do you say when your best friend kisses you? Seems 'what the f*ck' was the most logical option, and that was what he muttered under his breath.
"Er..." Oh good, it seemed that Ryo was going to attempt an explanation. Well, this should prove interesting. Touma pulled himself onto the stool and crossed his arms, raising a curious eyebrow but saying nothing. "Uhm... I'm sorry." Touma mentally winced in sympathy. Strike one!! Oooh, bad start. Care to try another one? "I, uh.. I shouldn't have done that." Thank you Captain Obvious. Strike two!! Still, not bad for a second try. Do you want to plough on, or are you giving up?
"Touma... I think I'm in love with you."
It's going... going... gone! Oh sh*t. Why did he have to go and say that? Of all things he could've said, why not 'I think I'm drunk' or 'I don't have a clue why the hell I did that'? Why did he have to go off and say he LOVED him?
Dear god why me?
Touma wracked his brain for an appropriate response. 'F*ck off' didn't work because this was his friend. 'I love you too' was equally unacceptable because, while he did love Ryo as a friend, as a friend!, he was with Seiji and he wouldn't give that up for anything. Finally he settled on the only thing he could say that would not result in things getting more f*cked up then they already were.
"Let's go home, okay Ryo?"
*~*~*
Nasutei was in the kitchen when the door slammed closed and Touma came walking in. Actually, TRUDGING was a more accurate word. Like a man being led to the gallows. She stepped to the kitchen door and opened her mouth to ask where he had been, but stopped dead at the look on his face.
Confusion. Panic. Pain. Guilt. Other things, too, emotions she didn't recognize and couldn't fathom. Even though they weren't directed at her, not even in her general direction, they shocked her into silence.
She stepped back into the kitchen, mind spinning. Ooooookaaay…. exactly WHAT the hell happened to him?
The door slammed again, more footsteps came from the front hall. A tread and gait she could recognize by sound alone, so long had she sat and concentrated on every detail of the man that owned it. And then suddenly she understood the feelings that had been playing on Touma's face.
That was what one looked like when the world changed around you.
Touma and Ryo had gone out together, she understood that much. And while she could be accused of being wrapped up in her work she was observant enough to recognize the looks that Ryo had cast at the archer. She'd wondered once or twice, Seiji or Touma? But it was clear. Too clear. So clear that she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed before.
Ryo wanted Touma. Gods… pain… she stumbled, finding a chair and collapsing into it with a little exhale, a soft 'humph' sound in the silent room. on't cry, Nas. You never expected him to love you. She assured herself. Of course, that didn't make it feel any better.
"Nasutei?" Another familiar voice. Dear gods she couldn't been seen like this, yet is was too late. "Nasti? Are you okay?"
She rubbed fretfully at tears that she hadn't even known were on her cheeks. "Shuu. I'm… I'm fine." She said. It didn't even SOUND like the truth, but it was the best she could do. She's never been a good actress to begin with. She looked up to meet eyes laden with concern, and she had to choke back a bitter laugh.
For me? Since when do I deserve sympathy?
"I'm fine Shuu, really." She said, sounding a little more believably this time, though the tears on her cheeks spoke for themselves.
"You don't LOOK fine." Shuu said, cocking his head. Ooh, insightful. Tell me another one, oh great guru of Kengo.
"I said I'm FINE, Shuu." Nasutei said, more firmly, in her 'do-not-question-me-you-mere-mortal' voice. Usually that was enough to send the boys running, but Shuu was not just another one of the boys, and he was worried about her.
"I REALLY believe you, Nasti." He said, rolling his eyes. "Honestly, I believe every word. You could lie to the pope."
Despite herself, Nasutei let out a sad, choked giggle. That was one of the things she loved about Shuu; he had the God-given ability to make her laugh, no matter what happened. Oddly enough, it was also one of the things about him that bugged the hell out of her.
"So you wanna tell me what's wrong now?" He asked. Then, comically flexing his muscles, he asked, "Or do I have to beat it out of you?"
Another giggle. Damn him, he was winning. "Shuu, stop." She giggled lightly. "I… uhm…"
He slid into a chair across from her, raising his eyebrows as an indication for her to continue. Unfortunately, she hadn't the slightest idea how to explain to him that the futility of falling for the tiger-eyed bearer of Rekka had finally hit her. Or how she could explain that without telling Shuu that yet another of his friends had a thing for Touma. It's like a comedy. "There's Something About Touma."
"Hey Shuu, have you ever been in love?" That seemed as good a place to start as any.
The look of surprise on Shuu's face told her that wasn't precisely the response he had anticipated. "Er… yeah, I guess." He responded uncertainly, as if trying to gauge what she intended to do with the information.
"Well did it work out for you?" She continued.
He paused again, and his voice was rarely serious when he replied. "I don't know yet." He said simply.
Nasutei blinked. She was about to ask WHO, but then decided that she didn't really want to know. Fer christssakes, it might even be TOUMA. "Well, I KNOW that mine won't work out." She said somberly, before burying her face in her arms. "And that's what's wrong. Just please don't ask anything more, Shuu."
She was surprised when Shuu heeded her request. She heard the scrape of his chair against the floor as he stood, head his heavy gait walk around towards the doorway. But he paused.
"For now," He said, "I'll let it go. But Nasti… whoever is making you feel this way, I'll kick their ass."
